With My Life
by snapelovesme
Summary: A story of love, loss, and recovery. KS/OC SS/OC RL/SB
1. Prologue

**Panic. **

**The flames burnt her flesh, the roaring in her ears grew louder and louder. **

**Her screams were silent.**

**She knew she should act, she could feel him trying to protect her, but there was nothing he could do: this was her fault. **

"**Serena" he choked. "I can't fight this on my own." **

**The darkness was closing in.**

**I had killed him, I had killed us both. **


	2. Chapter 1

**Authors Note:**

**This is going to be a LONG fanfic! **

**I'll probably release a few chapters a week, and reviews are welcome although no flames please! **

**This story starts when Harry is in his third year at Hogwarts, however, I have written some things out, for example, Sirius has never been in prison.**

**I have tried to keep the characters in character as much as possible. **

**It's rated T for some 'hints' at things, I'm just too embarrassed to write the smut! However if you want a go- mail me! **

**Also I apologise for my lack of patience with capital letters. I hate them. what's the point? plus, as Margo Roth Spiegelman says- it's unfair on the letters in the middle. **

**Stay Tuned!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Harry Potter, no copyright infringement intended! **

Serena was in awe as she gazed up at the magnificent castle, the hundreds of windows glinting in the sunlight, and shining down onto the lawn below.

She looked away from the castle, in the direction of the wind and the hills rolled on until they came to a great lake. As she smiled delightedly a light breeze floated around her.

She stopped smiling immediately.

A movement to her left made her jump and her hand reached for her wand instantly, but she sighed relief when she recognised the tall figure. Wearing gold and purple robes, his long white hair flowing behind him and his bearded face smiling widely, the eccentric old man greeted her enthusiastically.

"my dear child" he said spreading his arms welcomingly.

"headmaster," she smiled, bowing her head to him slightly.

"call me Albus my dear, how was your journey?"

Serena replied in the usual manner, and she appreciated the way the headmaster had not touched her. He gestured for her to walk with him and they turned together towards the lake.

"my dear, before we start discussing plans, I thought it would be practical for you to demonstrate some of your skills for me, only if you feel comfortable of course."

"it's fine" She replied, trying not to show her nervousness, knowing it would make things easier to explain. "I really appreciate this Albus," she added sincerely.

Albus smiled but said nothing. Instead he just waited patiently. Serena turned towards the lake, the edge of which was not less than ten yards away. She concentrated in her mind, making sure she had the strength to control what she did before she actually did it. She focussed on the centre part of the lake in front of her, raised her hands towards it and concentrated.

Albus watched in amazement as the young girl stretched her hands in a controlling manner, and as though she was actually shaping the water in her hands herself, the water began to move.

At first in small ripples but soon a whirlpool was created, growing larger and larger with every second. She moved her hand and the water seemed to shoot upwards in an ark, forming a small fountain and splashing back down into the lake, almost as though she had created a waterfall. She kept the water pouring and Albus quickly took his wand out and began walking around her, trying to gain some understanding of what was happening. He was out of ideas [a rare feat] and he lowered his wand defeated. Simultaneously, Serena lowered her hands and staggered slightly as she let go of the control and the water crashed back down into the lake. She panted slightly, steadying herself before turning back to him.

"how enthralling." Albus said, his eyes gleaming. "Now, I believe we shall be more comfortable in my office, this hot sun does get to me."

Albus strolled at a relaxed pace up the steps and into the great entrance. "the castle is beautiful" Serena complimented, "especially the grounds!"

He thanked her and they talked casually for a while; however when they crossed the threshold into his office Serena knew it was down to business.

"I think I can help you," were Albus' first words as he indicated a chair across his large wooden desk.

"really?" Serena said looking him in the eyes desperately.

She had struggled so much, trying to control her power. She remembered times when she'd lost control… when she'd come so close to hurting someone she loved…

"I have a professor here," Albus' voice brought her back to the room. "he is the potions master, but also highly skilled in other branches of magic. I think perhaps, he can 'study' you, so to speak, and find out how it works, and a way you can control it."

Serena nodded, but there was already something playing on her mind. "what about his safety, if I-"

"don't worry, Severus is a highly skilled wizard, there will be no way for you to hurt him, and if you do, trust me, he will have endured worse."

Serena was silent. She knew that this wizard, whoever he was, knew the consequences, and so there was nothing she could do. This was the only way she would be able to lead a normal life; by learning to control her powers.

"so tell me, is it just water or-"

Serena shook her head. "it's the basic elements- water, earth fire, air."

"impressive."

"not really," she said avoiding his eye.

"you are not proud of what you can do?"

"I can't control what I do. It's hard for me to lead a normal life, I can't get close to people I can't stop concentrating for one second and it's so damn tiring."

She glanced up at the old man. "I'm sorry Headmaster.", "but I see it more as a curse rather than a blessing…"

"Serena, I'm going to help you change that."

She smiled at the confidence in his voice. "so when do I get to meet this 'Severus?'"

"the first day of term? I can show you to your office as well. It will be like killing two poisons with one bezoar!"

"do you need to see my charms qualifications?" she asked suddenly.

"oh no, I think you're perfect for the job" he said warmly.

There was closure in his voice and Serena stood up to leave. "thank you headmaster."

He reached out his hand and she was slightly startled for a moment but she reached out and shook it anyway. He had occluded his mind first, and so she saw no memories, but she felt his emotions. A wave of contentment, worry and curiosity flooded her, and she tried not to show it as she released his hand and turned towards the door.

"until tomorrow, my dear," he winked at her and she smiled, shutting the door behind her. As she hurried down the castle steps she felt like a slight weight had been lifted off her heart.

It was a good feeling.


	3. Chapter 2

Serena Lake sat in the train carriage waiting nervously for the students to board.

She glanced up at the trunk in the overhead rack. It was small: she had little belongings that she wanted to keep with her. This was a fresh start. She took out her cell phone and checked her messages: nothing. She turned it off; knowing the magic at the castle would disable its signal anyway.

The door of her compartment slid open suddenly and a figure stood there smiling nervously. Her eyes glanced over him curiously, he seemed to be a teacher and printed on his worn trunk were the peeling words, 'Prof. R. J. Lupin.'

"hi" he said smiling, making the lines on his face crease.

"hi" she smiled back.

"may I join you?" he indicated the seat opposite her and she nodded.

"of course."

He placed his trunk in the rack above the seat and Serena noticed the shabbiness of his robes and his tired stance. As he sat down opposite her she took in his appearance. He was mid thirties; tall, mousy brown hair and kind brown eyes. There was a scar across the left side of his cheek and he had a permanent frown across his forehead, not from disappointment or anger, but from the sheer exhaustion his eyes reflected.

"I thought teachers travelled to the school by apparition days before?" she enquired.

"how did you know I was a professor?" he smiled jokingly; she could tell immediately he was a nice man.

She mirrored his smile. "it's written on your case, Professor R.J Lupin."

He laughed. "you caught me. I have been unwell these past few days and was too tired to apparate, I thought I would take a rest on the train journey."

"please, don't let me stop you" she smiled reassuringly, feeling that the man could really do with a rest.

"oh no, no, I feel I'd enjoy your company, perhaps you could tell me what's stamped on your trunk?"

She laughed lightly at the innuendo and then stopped suddenly. It had been a long time since she had last laughed. She noticed him frown and quickly altered her expression to a smile.

"Professor S. V. Lake," she replied.

The man extended his hand in a friendly gesture but it shocked Serena. She froze, her mouth half open, trying to think of an excuse not to take it but none came. R. J. Lupin frowned at her.

"are you alright?"

She grimaced apologetically, his voice bringing her back from her trance. "I… I'm sorry, I'm a contact telepath, I can feel emotions and sometimes see memories just by touching people, I… I didn't want to submit you to that without you knowing or consenting, but if you're able you should be able to use occlumency to shield your mind."

R. J was intrigued and amazed. He had never met a contact telepath before, thinking they were only myth.

He wanted to try it, to see if she spoke the truth but he wasn't sure what she would see.

He had secrets, dark secrets and he had no way of controlling what she saw.

He retracted his hand though the slight smile on his face remained. He was interested in this girl. She looked no older than twenty, quite tall but slender with a full face. Her cheeks were red, perhaps from her embarrassment or perhaps from the cold, he wasn't sure. She had blonde sandy hair, cut choppy and just above her shoulders, framing her face gently. She had large brown eyes and white teeth when she smiled.

She seemed nervous and uncomfortable, and when he had seen her laugh she seemed surprised, as though it was unnatural to her.

He weighed up his decision quickly and then sighed… she was a professor at the school and would soon know his secret anyway.

"that's ok," he said holding his hand out again, aware the young witch was watching him.

"are you sure?" she said looking confused and surprised, "can you do occlumency?"

"I'm sure, I admit I'm curious to see if you speak the truth, but I won't use occlumency."

He worried she might be offended, but she seemed to understand. He was not sure why he trusted her, but he did.

Serena was confused, why did he trust her? they had only just met.

She reached out and with a tanned hand, her silver ring glinted on her middle finger and she grasped his hand firmly.

As the images and sounds flooded her mind she gave a small intake of breath. Although Serena had had this experience throughout her life, she had never grown immune to the effect: every time hit her like the first.

The connection lasted for just a second, but in that time she saw a flash of yellow eyes, a laughing schoolboy and a bicycle. Her eyes refocused on the man's worried face.

She smiled at him reassuringly and then breathed in heavily.

"boy you're tired" she joked, still feeling his emotions swipe over her body. She released his hand and sat back. She felt nervous and completely exhausted, but she knew it was not her feelings she was experiencing.

"well?" he asked his eyes searching her face.

"you're a werewolf?" she asked, deciding just to be blunt.

His head jerked up suddenly. "I felt it," she explained calmly, aware he was unsure of her reaction.

"should you not be running screaming from the carriage?"

She laughed again, the second time in five minutes. "I don't fear you."

"you should."

"I don't believe that. The full moon was two nights ago, I imagine that is why you did not arrive at the school earlier?"

He nodded.

"then why should I fear you?" her question was rhetorical and she smiled at him reassuringly. "you're awfully tired."

He raised his eyebrows at the subject change and seemed confused by it, but he complied anyway.

"I find it hard to sleep after transforming."

"won't you take a rest now, professor? Please?"

He looked as though he was about to argue but then he sighed and nodded. "I shall."

She smiled at him. "I'll wake you when we arrive."

Remus felt slightly self conscious closing his eyes in front of 'Professor S. V. Lake' but he did so, his mind full of questions.

Firstly, he was marvelled by her talent, and wanted to question her more about it, but he felt it would be rude and interfering. Although, she had asked him about his secret… that had surprised him, most people would be disgusted and would have fled immediately, to throw up and wash their hands or to flee in fear. But she had sat there calmly and seemed curious rather than afraid. It seemed a normal thing to her, he wondered if she knew another person with the same problem.

Secondly, why was she travelling by train? She had asked him the same question of course, and he made note to ask her later.

He risked a peak at her from behind his cloak. She was sitting with her back against the window, her converse trainers up on the seat with her eyes closed. He wondered if she were tired too. He shut his eyes again, and from pure fatigue he soon fell asleep.

Serena sat quietly, her eyes shut listening to the chatter and shouts of farewell from the platform. She was intrigued by the man now sleeping opposite her.

He had trusted her, without a second's thought, he had made her laugh, twice and something even more interesting: he was a werewolf. She smiled over at his body, the only movement of which was the rise and fall of his chest.

She had recovered from the sudden tiredness and anxiety she had received from him, but now she felt her own nervousness returning.


	4. Chapter 3

Serena blinked in the light. She could hear the chatter of students outside in the corridor. On the seat opposite her was R. J. Lupin, another mystery, but a kind one.

She sighed and stood up, deciding to change into robes before they arrived. She reached up and took her trunk from the shelf. She had performed a small undetectable extension charm upon it, to fit her two guitars in, but apart from that there was only spell books and clothes. She glanced at the man: he appeared to be in a deep sleep. She waved her wand, shutting the blinds and locking the compartment door and then she changed into deep blue and silver robes.

She felt slightly self conscious changing with Lupin in the room but he did not wake. She ran her hands through her short hair and then sat back down on the seat. Her eyes closed and the next thing she knew she was being shaken awake by Lupin.

"we've arrived," he said smiling.

He reached down and passed Serena her trunk. As their hands touched she absorbed his feelings.

"don't be anxious," she said, although she felt it herself.

"how- oh." He said smiling. "I forgot. Did you see memories as well?"

"no," she said feeling slightly embarrassed. "That happens only if I first meet someone- I don't know why… It's not with everyone but… most people I guess…"

"I see. You must find that difficult."

"I do" she said, surprised by his statement. "but we have to manage with what we are given, and use it to the best we can." She allured to his werewolf status as she talked and he smiled and nodded, holding the door open for her.

"your robes are wonderful" he said. "Are you a Ravenclaw?"

"no, I-"

"Remus!" a great booming voice interrupted them, and a giant of a man with a great beard waved to him.

'Remus' went to him and Serena followed. "an' you mus' be Serena" he said, nodding down at her. "Rubeus Hagrid, care o' magical creatures."

"it's nice to meet you," she said loudly over the chatter of students.

She gazed up at the half giant, his protruding belly; great beard and thick brown matted hair were dressed in an enormous brown hairy suit, which Serena found slightly terrifying.

She walked with Remus up to the castle. 'Serena eh?" he said smiling mischievously. "what's the 'v' for then?"

"Venus" she smiled back. "like the goddess."

"very pretty, Serena Venus Lake, I like it."

"and what is the 'j' for, Remus?"

"plain old john" he replied.

"Remus John Lupin. I like it."

He laughed and they chattered all the way up to the great hall where they were met by Albus and the caretaker, Filch. He took their bags and coats unwillingly at the headmaster's request and Dumbledore led them into the great hall and to the long staff table.

He introduced them to all the teachers across the tables, so Serena did not have to shake hands with any of them. A few spaces were empty and Albus explained more teachers would arrive later on as bad weather had prevented them from flying. Serena was pleased to be sitting in between Remus and another witch called Minerva McGonagall whom she had met before. The feast went well and she chattered to the professors, standing up when Albus introduced her to the students. They applauded politely and she was pleased.

Albus asked her to accompany him back to his office afterwards and she knew he was going to introduce her to the potions master. She felt nervous as they hurried along the dark empty corridors and Albus seemed to sense it.

"dear Serena, don't panic, Severus is a highly skilled wizard, and one of the most powerful I have ever known. Now I shall warn you, his manners are not what they were and he's not one to talk unnecessarily, but however much he may offend you, he's just trying to help you and that's the way he is."

"he can't be more socially inadequate than myself Albus. I reject people's handshakes, remember?"

He chuckled and muttered the password.

"does he apply occlumency?"

"all the time, you can touch him without worrying."

"it isn't fear of his memories; it is fear of intrusion, impoliteness, invasion."

"fear none of them, ah here we are."

He pushed open the office door and they walked in. A man was pacing around the room absentmindedly.

He was tall, over six foot and well built. He looked in his mid thirties, with black eyes and black hair that fell down to frame his pale face. He had a slightly large nose but despite all this he was not unhandsome: he said 'mystery' all over.

He stopped pacing when he saw them enter and as he turned towards them his long black robes billowed behind him. He looked slightly threatening and overpowering but Serena tried to smile politely. Albus put a hand on her shoulder caringly.

"Severus, this is Serena Lake, Serena, this is Severus Snape our potions master. He's going to be the man to try and help you."

The man stepped forward, clearing the large room in three strides. He held out a hand and she took it, biting her lip from the variety and intensity of the emotions she received. There was curiosity, disbelief, anger and frustration, and another faint feeling she believed to be grief. She released his hand quickly and looked up into his eyes. He seemed to be searching into hers and she realised he was using legilimency on her. She averted her eyes quickly, knowing he needed contact to continue and he shifted, noticing her movement.

"might you explain, one of you, how Miss Lake managed to captivate my emotions in that brief moment of contact; I was under the impression her er- skills- were of a different kind."

His voice was crisp and yet his pronunciation had a sensual part to it, making it sound silky and infatuating. However his words were to the point and they had harshness to them as though he was accusing her of tricking him.

"I'm sorry, Professor," she said quickly. "I'm… I'm a contact telepath, when I come into contact with other people I feel their emotions as though they were my own. Also, if they do not apply occlumency I may see some of their thoughts when I first meet someone. Besides that I was diagnosed to be a telempath a year ago- I can take people's sufferings and injuries away from their bodies."

"yes I know what a telempath is, no need to explain" he said sounding annoyed. "why was I not informed of this Albus?"

"Severus, I wanted Serena to tell you herself, besides I told her she would not take your memories as you apply occlumency, otherwise she would have asked you for permission first."

He glared at Albus and Serena felt slightly intimidated.

"now both sit down, I'll make you a drink."

Serena sat down on a chair in front of Albus' desk and Severus sat next to her, a large gap between their chairs.

"best get straight to the point" he said in his smooth voice. "is there anyway you can demonstrate or explain to me your powers?"

"of course Professor-"

"Severus, please" he said quickly.

"Severus," she said quietly looking at his blank expression.

She concentrated on the space around them both and focused. A breeze seemed to blow around them, even thought there was no possible natural course. Soon it turned to a slight mini tornado and a few papers began to fly off the desks in a clockwise motion through the air. She dropped the concentration from her mind and the air calmed again. She waved her wand and the papers righted themselves, before turning back to see the reaction.

Severus was marvelled although he did not show it of course. How was it even possible! She wasn't even using her wand! The elements were the thing that wizards found the hardest to control and here she was doing it with her mind!

He had been intrigued from the moment Albus had mentioned her a few weeks previously, but he hadn't expected this. She was young- younger than he had imagined- in her early twenties he'd say. She was pretty too- he wasn't ashamed to notice it. It was unusual to have younger female teachers in the school, and Severus couldn't stop looking at her. She was wearing blue and silver robes and a chain that drew attention to her cleavage. Severus quickly averted his eyes as Albus had introduced him.

The emotions… he had seen in her eyes that she had felt them… that was a new thing for him… emotions weren't conveyed in legilimency, only memories or thoughts.

Severus didn't know what to say-he had a hundred questions inside his head about the mini tornado he had just felt but he couldn't prioritise them.

"Severus?" Albus said smiling at his stunned reaction.

"do you still have the skill when your wand is not on your possession?" Severus asked quickly.

She nodded.

"when did you become aware of your abilities?"

"I've had them since I was born but they've got stronger as I've got older."

"did your parents have any similar-"

"Severus my dear boy, let's save the bombardment of questions for another time."

Severus nodded annoyed, but he had noticed her shift in her seat when he'd mentioned her parents. He looked into her eyes which he noticed were brown and very soft, and quickly used legilimency on her. He could only scan the very top of her thoughts so that she didn't realise what he was doing and it didn't reveal much to him. He saw her parents fighting in her mind but then it quickly changed to the room they were sitting in. He withdrew his gaze and nodded.

"certainly Albus, I don't wish to make you feel… pressured, Miss Lake, I just need the answers to get a better understanding of what we're dealing with."

"Serena" she corrected quickly and he nodded once to show he'd heard her.

"we shall begin our, er, studies on Saturday, three o' clock, my office."

"thank you Severus I… I really appreciate it."

He nodded, seeming slightly confused by her intense gratification.

She stood up, bade goodnight to both of them and left the room with a swish of blue cloak. He waited until she had shut the door before turning to Albus.

"Albus, she's a telempath? She shared my emotions! And that's just the start of it! Where did you find her?"

He sat down opposite him across the desk and poured himself a glass of Firewhiskey. "I wrote to her… I had come to hear of her circumstances by a friend of mine in southern England. She was sacrificing her entire life because she couldn't control what she can do… she is scared she will harm someone."

"who are her parents?"

"Simon and Alexandria Lake. They are both in Azkaban."

Severus was shocked. "what for?"

"murder I believe."

Severus was silent. He didn't know what to say or feel. Shock? Sympathy?

"when?" he asked.

"when she was sixteen."

"who did she live with?"

"Severus, enough questions for tonight, I suggest you wait until she feels ready to confide in you."

"why would she ever-"

"Severus, you know this task requires you to know her mind like the back of your own hand."

"and?"

"so you will get to know one other, get to trust one another… it's inevitable…"

Severus wasn't sure what his reaction should be, he highly doubted it, getting 'close' to other people and trusting them was not something he approved of.

"goodnight Albus." He stood up and left.

**Author's Note: Thank you for reading! These first few chapters are just introductions to the characters really- the good stuff is coming soon **

**R&R please! **


	5. Chapter 4

Serena woke the next morning early, changed into dark purple robes and went to the great hall for breakfast. There were hardly any people there, and she slid into a seat, slightly apprehensively, opposite Severus.

"Albus thinks we should 'get to know one another'," she mimed the quotation marks with one of her hands and then took a glass of pumpkin juice from the centre of the table, before glancing up at him.

He lowered his paper and searched her face. She knew he was using legilimency on her and she shook her head. "it's impolite to do that without asking."

"if I asked it would counteract the point. And that's a bit rich coming from you." His silky voice had a hint of daring to it, as though asking her to challenge him.

"Normally I would ask before coming into contact with someone, however Albus assured me you apply occlumency all the time."

"and the emotions?"

"I can't help it. Usually emotions are mundane, they're not strong emotions from people, not intense enough to bother me, but you… you were different, and you used occlumency anyway…"

"different?"

She shrugged, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"go on" he said firmly.

"your emotions were more… real, more passionate…"

Severus frowned, feeling slightly embarrassed himself, but also confused… it was not something he was usually told…

"can you help me?' she asked, looking down at her glass and breaking the slightly awkward silence.

"yes." He said confidently and as they both looked up they caught eye contact and he saw how much his single word meant to her. It took him by surprise.

"tell me about your parents," he said, clearing his throat.

She sighed and swirled the juice around in her cup, she didn't like talking about them.

"they're in Azkaban."

"for?"

"murder," she said shortly.

There was silence and then she sighed and looked up at him again. His face conveyed curiosity and confusion. She thought he was just trying to understand her.

"My parents didn't like blood traitors… mudbloods they called them… my parents killed them after they pleaded mercy… I was sixteen… I… I remember the ministry officials… the dementors… they just told me it was 'going to be ok'… they had no idea…"

"you were there?"

"I came home in the middle of it… I saw them being dragged away… heard their screams as the dementors-" she shuddered and awoke from her thoughts. "I'm sorry Severus, I don't talk much about-"

"it's fine," he said quietly.

"where are yours?"

"dead." His voice was harsh.

"I'm sorry."

He shrugged. "I'm not." There was a pause. "where did you go? After?"

"I…was left in the care of… a friend, until I was of age."

She was reluctant to talk and Severus slipped into the top layers of her mind. He was surprised by an image he knew: the face of a man called Kingsley Shacklebolt, an auror who was a friend of Albus'. He said nothing though.

"when did you discover you were a telempath?"

"when I was about eight I think… It's been useful and it's something I can control at least."

Severus nodded, understanding. She stood up suddenly. "have a good day Severus" she said absentmindedly, and then she strolled away.

She thought back to how scared she'd been when her parents had been taken away… it was over six years ago now yet she remembered it like it was yesterday…

She cleared her head and went to her first lesson. It was first years so she was not too nervous, and they started off with a simple levitation spell.

She ate lunch in the staff room with Remus, they talked more about their mornings and why he was teaching. Albus had offered him the job and he had accepted. He was desperate for money and although Albus had not said it, he thought he had offered him the job out of pity. He had taken a great risk in employing him and Remus was full of gratitude.

Serena did some marking after classes and sat in the staff room talking to Minerva McGonagall and Remus.

Severus sat in the corner reading a paper but she was sure he was listening.


	6. Chapter 5

Three o' clock Saturday soon arrived and Serena threw on some muggle skinny jeans and a white vest top and hurried down to the dungeons, feeling nervous. She wasn't sure what to expect.

She knocked on the door and it opened seemingly by itself. A voice called from the back and she walked through cautiously to the kitchen where Severus was pouring himself a cup of coffee.

"coffee?"

"no thanks."

He took his glass through to the classroom and locked the door. The click made her feel slightly claustrophobic.

"sit." He indicated a desk and he dragged one closer to it so he was sitting directly opposite. He conjured a clipboard and a pen and looked up at her.

"I'm going to ask you a series of questions. Either answer truthfully or don't answer, answering falsely will only make it harder, and I'll know through occlumency anyway. Age?"

"twenty two" she said surprised by the easiness of the question, but it turned out that was just the first one.

"parents' names?"

"Simon and Alexandria Lake."

"do you know if they had any similar abnormalities like yourself? Any way this could be genetic?"

"from the little time I spent with them I don't think so."

"little time?"

"before they went to prison they spent most of the time arguing, shouting, walking out on one another and apologising."

"I know how that feels" Severus said, and then he froze. Why did he say that? He was not normally one to share his feelings or experiences.

"you say you can control-er- elements, what extent does this reach to?"

"I can control water, air, fire and earth."

"earth?"

I can cause the ground to shake, damage the floor, make it crumble, crack, I think that's about it."

"you said previously your powers were getting stronger- is it still happening?"

"I'm not sure, I haven't noticed them getting worse but it's not something that changes drastically; it's more something that changes a tiny amount over time."

There was a pause as he scribbled something on his clipboard.

Serena noted he had nice handwriting- loopy and professional.

"have you always been a contact telepathic?"

She nodded. "since I can remember."

"and a telempath?"

"I only discovered that when I was eight, by accident."

"have you ever purposely used it?"

"yes, it saved someone's life once." She saw his eyes glance up to hers and she shook her head.

"please don't do that."

Severus scowled. "I need to get all the information I can-"

"I'd rather you didn't take it against my will."

"would you have told me willingly?"

"no."

"well then-"

"you occlude your mind so tightly, it's unfair that you can just invade my privacy like that."

"take it or leave it," Severus said firmly.

"fine. Scheming git." She added under her breath.

She could have sworn she saw the corner of his mouth twitch.

"do you experience emotions every time you touch someone?"

She nodded.

"direct contact?'

"yeah it doesn't work through clothes or anything."

"ever been any exceptions?"

"no."

"or with the thoughts and memories?"

"no."

"take my hand I want to try it again."

Severus drew his wand as well, ready to perform spells and try and get more information. He thought that if he could extend his occlumency he might be able to stop her taking his feelings.

He held out his left hand and as she took it he traced his wand around her face and over their joint hands. Her hand was small and warm in his and he had not had that contact with anyone for such a long time.

She frowned and he was confused by her reaction. He determined through a spell that she was not using any conscious part of her mind to do what she did. It was subconscious and she didn't purposely do it.

"why are you frowning?" he murmured the tip of his wand touching their hands.

"shouldn't you just use legilimency on me?" she replied sarcastically.

He raised his eyebrows.

"grief." She said quietly. "who was it?"

She felt his hand tighten in hers but he said nothing, he just continued trailing his wand over their hands.

"I'm sorry" she said, after a long silence.

"can you do the element thing now?"

"sure. can you conjure me a glass of water?"

He let go of her hand and did, making it hover at the side of her.

He then took her hand again and she breathed in quickly.

"sorry."

Severus scowled again, not happy at her knowing his feelings. He noticed her hand was still in his and he quickly drew his wand again.

"ready?"

She nodded and shut her eyes, trying to block out the distractions.

The water to Severus' right began to lift out of the glass, as though someone was using a hovering charm on it. It rose out, still swirling as though inside something. Severus was amazed. He traced his wand in front of her face. She bit her lip as she concentrated on making the water twist and turn in between them. Severus wanted to get inside her head, see how she was doing it. He wondered if he could find out how she does it, maybe he could do it too. The water between them turned to ice at her will and his eyes gleamed by the sheer power she had.

"I need you to open your eyes" he muttered.

She did so, although it was harder for her to keep the icicle turning between them.

"legilimens" Severus muttered and he slipped into the active parts of her mind. He saw what she saw, but inside her head the ice was not ice, it was hundreds and thousands of tiny molecules all moving as one great body. He tried to move past that and see the forces that were turning it like that but she swore suddenly and the icicle dropped to the floor, shattering into hundreds of tiny fragments, like glass.

"oh shit, Severus I'm sorry. I just can't do it whilst you're using legilimency on me. I see what you're looking for inside my head, whereas I need to concentrate on what I'm doing instead. If I don't concentrate, it's out of my control."

"you're going to have to learn occlumency properly with me. We'll find a way so that you can still see your elements and I am free to look for answers simultaneously."

She nodded. Severus vanished the ice with his wand.

"what happens if you don't concentrate?"

"If… if I don't have control over things… sometimes if I'm experiencing a great emotion" she used her hands to show the power it had over her. "like happiness or anger, there are consequences, and sometimes I don't even notice until it's too late. That's why it's dangerous. Last month I was in Cardiff and it was boiling hot and then suddenly there was a hail storm outside the café! It was me and I hadn't even realised it until it was too late. It made the local news for god's sake, and that's just something miniscule. It's been proved to be dangerous…"

"like when?"

"I don't want to talk about it, and I don't want you to look into my mind either" she said, turning her head to the side.

Severus said nothing, knowing that he would find out through occlumency lessons soon enough anyway. He drew his wand again and conjured a small ball of fire, usually used to warm hands in winter time.

Serena turned to look at it, knowing he wanted her to use it. She grimaced at the unpleasant sight but knew she had to. She didn't close her eyes this time as she made the fire spread and then contract. It turned purple and then green and then back to orangey red again.

"put your hand in it" she murmured.

Severus was hesitant.

"trust me" she encouraged.

He reached forward and put his fingers in the dancing flames. He was marvelled. He was expecting the fire to scold him, but the flames that were now licking his hand were like ice.

"that's… impressive," he said his eyebrows raised.

He lowered his hand and she focused her eyes on him again, the flames between them vanished.

She pressed a hand to her head, rubbing it. She had got a headache from focusing too much for too long.

"tomorrow we'll begin occlumency," Severus said. "you'll need to stay longer, perhaps for the whole afternoon."

She nodded and he walked with her to the door.

"thanks Severus…"

He nodded and she turned and left, feelings his eyes on her as she hurried up the corridor.


	7. Chapter 6

She spent Sunday morning walking in the grounds with Remus. They had become good friends over the past few days, they seemed to have lots in common.

"so when's the next full moon?" Serena asked, watching him closely to see if he minded talking about it.

"twenty three days" he sighed heavily.

"are you taking the wolfsbane potion?"

"yes, Severus is kind enough to make it for me every month."

"that's nice of him. It's expensive to buy isn't it?"

He nodded. "it's not just the price- it's the looks you get when buying it."

"how did you become a werewolf?"

"my father had a disagreement with a man, fenrir greyback, a werewolf. When my father failed to give him money he took my 'life' away from me. Leaving me with this."

Serena placed a hand on his arm comfortingly and he smiled down at her.

"to me it… just seems a part of who I am now."

"I like who you are now" she smiled. "he's pretty damn alright."

His laughed echoed across the lake.

Remus went to mark some papers afterwards and she sat in the great hall on her own, eating a pizza. "might I join you dear?"

Serena looked up to see Minerva McGonagall smiling at her.

"of course Minerva that'd be nice."

"how are you settling in this year?"

"fine. Everyone's so friendly" she smiled. "Albus has been a massive help."

"he's been smiling ever since you arrived. I think he's taken a liking for your company, as has Professor Lupin I see." Her eyes had a twinkle in them and Serena suddenly saw what she meant.

"oh no, no! Remus and I aren't like that. No, we're just friends."

Serena was horrified. Not by Remus- he was lovely, charming good looking, interesting and extremely intelligent- but she just knew she couldn't get close to anyone like that again. It wasn't safe. She hoped she hadn't misled him, she would have to straighten that out straight away.

"ah I'm just teasing dear, but watch out for that one!"

Serena smiled politely and changed the subject.

An hour later she walked down to the dungeon, ready for her lesson with Severus. The door was open and she walked in, shutting it behind her. He came out from behind a bookshelf and greeted her with a nod.

"today we begin with practical work. We shall dive in at the deep end, tell me, what do you know of legilimency?"

Serena sat down on a desk and thought. "I know it's a way of getting into the mind, seeing thoughts and memories. Reading it, if you like. I know there are different levels, for instance sometimes you can read the top layers of my mind and I wouldn't notice if I couldn't see your eyes, and other times it can be more powerful, where you search the mind. I've read that can be painful."

"It can be, but it can also be prevented," he said pacing about the room.

"there are things we are going to try over the course of the next few weeks and the next few hours. I am going to try and search your mind with your eyes still being closed, I want to invade your mind, yes it may be painful but it shall be worth it to see the effects, I would like to try contact legilimency and also the three defences of the mind."

Serena felt nervous at his mention of pain and he could see it in her eyes.

"it's not avoidable."

She nodded and put on a brave face. "what's contact legilimency?"

"It is legilimency of the mind but through touch rather than sight. I think it's a way that you can keep control on elements whilst I see your thoughts and how they work."

She nodded.

"okay, to protect your mind we shall use the first of the defence mechanisms; that is to turn your mind blank, to think of nothing. Let it be an open void to explore but not to discover."

Serena was in awe at the way he spoke about these things. It was clear he lived his life surrounded by this magic and was passionate about it. He spoke almost with care in his voice.

"So I think of nothing?"

"nothing."

"harder than it sounds I bet" she said.

"keep your eyes open." He sat opposite her again.

Serena swallowed and tried to concentrate on thinking of nothing, but it seemed to create a paradox within itself. How could she be thinking of nothing if she had to concentrate? She froze, she felt Severus in her mind. He was looking for something and all the images he flashed through were of the past few moments. She cursed silently, she was supposed to be thinking of nothing.

"focus!" Severus growled.

His voice was so authorative! She swore silently again, he could read that thought. And this one!

He withdrew his gaze and she felt like a weight had been lifted from inside her. She blinked and pressed a hand to her forehead.

"you're not concentrating!" Severus muttered standing up, frustrated.

"it's difficult to concentrate when you're-"

"stand up!" he ordered and she did so.

"you have to focus! Again!"

She thought of white, a white board, a white piece of paper, just the colour white, but then what was that dot in the middle? She seemed to draw closer to it and then she realised it was her thoughts and she swore, turning her head away from Severus and staggering slightly as his pressure released.

"Discipline your mind!"

"I'm trying!"

"again!"

She grimaced as he broke into her mind again. Nothing, nothing nothing, emptiness, loneliness, nothing, Severus' words rang in her mind again and she cursed as his face swam into her mind, followed by the past five minutes. She put all her effort into it, and pushed the thoughts away. They seemed to disappear into the distance, growing smaller and smaller and then suddenly she was back in the classroom gasping for breath.

"better!" Severus said, although he didn't seem to mean it as a compliment, more as a statement.

"you are grasping control. Focus now, I'm going further."

"what do you-"

"focus!" She tried to close her mind and thought she was successful when nothing happened until suddenly she heard his cry of "legilimens!"

He burst through her barrier immediately and she heard another cry of 'concentrate!' but it sounded muffled and distant. He was racing through the last year of her life. She saw flashes of her talking to Albus and Remus, and then on the train and then in Cardiff, on the bay, on a boat, swimming, she saw her old manager, shit she saw flashes of her in her underwear-

"aguamenti!" She heard a loud shout next to her and suddenly she was panting for breath in the classroom again.

"shit."

Severus had cast the 'aguamenti' charm- it appeared she had set fire to the hem of his cloak by accident. He dried off his robe with another wave of his wand and turned to her his eyes blazing.

"I'm so sorry-"

He shook his head and spoke grimly. "instant defence mechanism, no harm done."

There was a pause and she knew they were both thinking the same thing.

"I was a model" she said suddenly, in way of explanation. "I was in need of money… I got picked up by an agent one night and he hired me… that's why… that's why those images were in my head… I forgot about that…"

Severus listened to her explanation only half heartedly. His heart was pounding in his chest from the sight of her, posing in her underwear. She had looked… sensual. Tanned, with curves in all the right places. They were tastefully done too, not like the completely naked photos nailed to the walls in knockturn alley.

He had not seen a woman like that in such a long time… he glanced up at her but instead of seeing her he just saw the flashes of photographs again. He blinked and cleared his throat.

"It's none of my business what you have been doing in the past Miss Lake, I need you to focus your thoughts now and try to refrain from setting me on fire again, is that clear?"

She nodded, feeling slightly embarrassed.

"we go again, prepare yourself- legilimens!"

Serena barely had time to calm herself, never mind clear her thoughts- she was horrified that he was now going to see hundreds of photos of her in her underwear and there was nothing she could do about it.

"focus!" she heard him shout, but his voice was getting more and more distant again. He raced back further, she saw flashes of photographs which she made a face at and then other photos- her sleeping rough on a bench, working in a café, travelling on a boat, sitting at the edge of a pier, suddenly she saw flames all around her and she knew what it was-

Darkness.

**Author's Note: thank you, thank you, thank you Mark Darcy for showing me there's a difference between legilimency and occlumency!**


	8. Chapter 7

Severus swore, darting forwards as she fell but he was too late. Her head hit the stone wall with an unpleasant 'crack' and blood began to pour from her temple.

"Serena? Serena? Miss Lake can you hear me?"

"Sev… severus"

"sit up, sit up."

She blinked. She was sitting on the dungeon floor, leaning against the wall with a splitting headache.

"what happened?"

"you passed out and cracked your head as you fell, I need to take you to the hospital wing, can you walk?"

"I'm fine" she said, taking the hand that he had offered to lift her to her feet.

She winced again as his emotions hit her and swayed on the spot, feeling slightly dizzy as though drunk.

"you and your emotions…"

Severus scowled, wondering if she had picked up on his lust. He cursed himself inside; he would have to do better to conceal his emotions from her next time. He put an arm around her waist and supported her as they walked up to the hospital wing slowly. She seemed to be suffering from concussion and kept muttering things to herself.

"so colourful" she said smiling. "It's all so colourful!"

Severus looked at the gash on her forehead and decided to leave it for Madam Pomfrey to heal.

"I saw you looking" she said suddenly a strange grin on her face.

He ignored her and concentrated on the sound of her breathing- it was laboured.

"you were looking-"

He cursed and managed to catch her before she hit the ground again. She was out cold and he lifted her in his arms and walked to the hospital wing at a faster pace this time. She was light for him to carry and his eyes grazed over her closed eyes and expressionless face…

"Poppy" he shouted when he entered the ward. It was empty besides one bed at the very end. Poppy ran over to him immediately as he put her gently onto the bed.

"I have been teaching her occlumency, she forgets to breathe, she faints, hits her head on the stone wall. Concussion and blood loss caused her to faint again."

"how do you know she was concussed?" she asked, quickly dabbing ointment onto the girl's forehead.

"she was not walking straight, saying confused things, talking about 'colours.'

"Severus were you pushing her too hard!" she accused healing the wound with the tip of her wand.

"she has to-"

"if I catch her in here again because of you I shall be reporting you to the headmaster Severus! The poor girl's only in her first week here!"

Severus gritted his teeth and refrained from arguing. He had endured Poppy's rants for years. He had spent a lot of time in this ward, being patched up after the dark lord's meetings. He owed her his life more than once.

He watched as she poured a bottle of replenishing draught into a mug. "I'll just give her this and then keep her in-"

She frowned, looking down into the mug.

She showed it to Severus, the liquid had frozen.

"wake her up" Severus said.

"I can't-"

"poppy wake her up, Regenerate!" he said, casting the spell himself.

"Poppy she can control elements, this is a water based potion, she has subconsciously frozen it, I imagine the whole vial is useless now. It's very confidential information by the way."

The old witch nodded, still confused.

The young girl between them stirred and her eyes flickered open.

She groaned, pressing a hand to her head and sat up.

"Poppy could you fetch another potion please?"

The witch grumbled off to her office and Severus sat at the edge of her bed.

"you unconsciously turned your replenishing potion to ice- it's water based."

"I bet Poppy's gone mad…"

"she'll live" he said smiling slightly.

She looked surprised at his smile and he quickly corrected his face. She shut her eyes and leant back onto her pillow.

"did you have to be so forceful?" she said, her eyes still closed.

"it was necessary, and that was not forceful, that was quite gentle actually."

"that was gentle? It won't be your cloak I set on fire next time; it will be the whole damn castle!"

He smiled, knowing she couldn't see him.

"we have not delved deep enough into your memories."

"you've seen enough already" she said, hinting at the photographs. "and I'd really rather you didn't do that" she added, feeling his eyes gaze up and down her body.

She opened her eyes to catch his uncomfortable expression.

"found it!" a loud voice said and Poppy scurried over to them, holding a glass in her hand. "now don't you ruin this batch as well young lady!"

"I'm so sorry Poppy-"

"oh just drink it!"

As she passed her the glass their fingers touched briefly. Severus' eyes flickered to her face but she made no visible reaction. He remembered what she had said about emotions not normally overwhelming her as much… but his were different…

Serena drank the green liquid, wincing as the taste hit her throat.

Her head ache subsided and she sat up.

"thank Poppy-"

"where do you think you're going?" she said sharply.

"er…"

"you're staying in overnight-"

"poppy I'm fine!"

"you need rest!"

"so I'll rest in my office!"

"how shall I know you are?"

"I'll take her" the smooth authorative voice said firmly.

Poppy was silent for a moment. "oh very well. Very well, but on your head be it Severus!"

Serena climbed out of bed and straightened herself out, pulling her t shirt down over her jeans and running a hand through her messed hair.

"thanks" she said as Severus led her from the room. "I didn't fancy spending a night in there."

"Poppy's good enough. She's saved my life once too many."

"from the dark lord?" she said quietly, glancing up at his pale face. He was silent.

"I felt it" she said quietly. "the dark arts are written all over you" she said it in a matter of fact tone. It didn't bother her what he did- she could tell he was a good man deep down.

"you say it so casually" he said, his voice ladled with a hint of threat.

"It's fine to be interested in them, it just depends whether you use them or not…"

"you have very clear views Miss Lake."

"It's just what I believe, Professor Snape" she said the corners of her mouth twitching.

"you don't seem to have a very good sense of direction though, might I ask where you're heading?"

they were in the entrance hall and she had turned to go down the steps rather than up them.

"the dungeons?" she said frowning.

"whatever for?"

"you said we were doing occlumency all afternoon, we've only done one hour."

"that was before you cracked your head open."

"well I'm fine now."

"do you wish to condemn me to death Miss Lake, Poppy will string me up and quarter me if I take you in there for a second time today."

She rolled her eyes. "fine. A drink then?"

"a drink?"

"yes a drink. Otherwise known as being sociable?"

Severus raised his eyebrows at her humour. He was extremely tempted by her offer.

"haven't you got little wolf boy to be sociable with?" he sneered.

She raised her eyebrows and turned back up the stairs.

"very well, thanks for the lesson Severus."

She waved behind her but did not turn around. She went up to her room to prepare some lessons for the week.

Severus scowled at her slender figure as she walked up the stairs and turned in a swish back down to his dungeons. He was so intrigued by this woman and marvelled by the powers she possessed. She could be such a powerful witch, if only she learnt to control them.


	9. Chapter 8

On Tuesday afternoon Serena, Severus, Remus and Minerva were called to Albus' office.

"It appears that the minister wants to position several dementors outside the castle boundaries. The escaped prisoner Dracona Kelly is said to be heading this way and they see this as the only way to ensure protection for the students."

Serena's look of distaste matched that of Albus'. She hated dementors- they reminded her of that day when her parents had been dragged off by them.

"The minister will be arriving at any moment, accompanied by two aurors who have been stationed at the school; I wanted to introduce you to them. The students have been warned not to approach the dementors, and I'm sure you all know of their unforgiving nature as well."

At that moment there was a knock on the door and the minister for magic entered, flanked by two aurors. Serena's eyes widened, not looking at the minister, but at the dark man behind him.

"kings" she said suddenly, as though not believing her eyes.

The man turned at the sound of his name and his mouth dropped open, his eyes widening. He made as if to start forward but then he corrected himself, as though remembering he was surrounded by people.

Serena heard the headmaster talking to the minister, but the words were a muffle. She couldn't take her eyes off the man, the man she had not seen for years, the man she loved with all her heart: Kingsley Shacklebolt. He was tall and black with a kind face and short hair. His blue and gold robes hid his strong muscular body. His brown eyes gazed into Serena's with such intensity she felt dizzy.

"headmaster, might you excuse me, I feel unwell" she said suddenly.

He nodded, "of course my dear."

She felt eyes on her as she quickly left the room, her head down. She went into a classroom next door and shut the door, collapsing to onto the desk at the front.

She was panicked, she was overwhelmed with joy and shame and confusion and apprehension and fear.

She loved this man with all her heart.

She had never stopped loving him, but they were over… they had to be. She needed to speak with him and she knew he would come and find her eventually.

As she sat there on the desk, making a quill hover in front of her, the door flung open. She jumped up to face the figure standing there. Her heart skipped a beat. she felt butterflies of excitement and nervousness in her stomach. She had thought about him so much and felt so guilty and tormented because of him… and now here he was… she blinked as though it was a dream.

"I saw the light from your wand" he said in the deep voice Serena knew so well.

She stepped forward; unaware of what his reaction was going to be.

"kingsley…" she whispered, tears welling in her eyes.

"come here" he said in a gruff voice and she ran to him, throwing her arms around his neck. He squeezed her tight against him, lifting her off the ground. She felt his warm strong arms around her, she smelt his smoky smell and she buried her face into his robes. At the same time as her own feelings, she experienced his; happiness, relief, anger, confusion…hurt.

"joy, guilt, pain, relief, sadness, fear." She said quietly as he relinquished her grasp. It was a promise she had once made to him. If she experiences his emotions, she has to say hers…

She looked up at his smooth face and wiped her tears away with her hand. "kingsley I… I need to talk to- you need to know- we, we need to talk," she stuttered.

"why did you leave?" he said softly.

"I had to" she said in a strained voice, trying not to cry. "I couldn't do it any more kings, I couldn't put you through the danger! That night- when I lost control you- you could have died!"

"but we didn't! it was under control!"

"it wasn't! anything could have happened! That was just the beginning! Just one time! What if it had happened again!"

"you left me a letter!" he boomed. "one letter! No goodbyes! No real explanation! No reasoning, no reassurance, a goddam letter!" He waved his wand through the air fiercely and a piece of parchment appeared, floating down into his hands.

"you still have it?" she whispered, a tear falling down her cheek.

"of course I do" he said angrily. "you still have your ring."

She glanced down at the silver ring he had bought her for her seventeenth birthday, a coming of age present.

"it was all I had left of you" he said heavily, after a moment's silence.

There was quiet and Serena slumped onto the desk, holding back the tears. She loved him so much, yet for his own safety she couldn't be around him anymore…

"is it really snowing?" he asked softly.

She shook her head, glancing out of the window at the white flakes that she had subconsciously made fall. "add despair to that list…"

She looked up at his pained face, his dark eyes beamed straight into hers. "kingsley, I'm so sorry" she whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."

He nodded, although he had not yet forgiven her.

"I… I just-" she struggled to put her words into order, so overcome by emotion. "I want to feel you Kingsley, I want to touch your skin, I want to hug you to me but I can't because-"

"yes you can" his deep voice drowned out her desperate words and he walked over to her slowly.

"just limit the amount of contact remember..?" He rolled down her sleeves, making care not to touch her skin, and then he straightened her collar around her neck.

He leant down slightly towards her and his full lips touched hers, coaxing a tender kiss from her.

Serena gasped from the strength of his emotions, the strength of his feelings towards her, and as his feelings overwhelmed her she acted on them, reaching a hand around his neck and sliding off the desk to be closer to him.

Their lips worked in unison, creating magic, just loosing themselves in the comfort and feel of the other. His lips were so full, so warm, so welcoming. Her eyes closed but a tear escaped from under them. She trailed her hands across his cloak, down his chest, marvelled as always by his strength.

It had been so long since she had had this contact with him and she lost herself in him. He drew back from her, taking air and he hugged her to him, wondering how he could have ever coped without her.

"It's… it's still snowing" she suddenly noticed.

Kingsley released her, noticing the tension in her voice. She gazed out of the window and as she broke contact with him his emotions faded and she experienced her own. She knew that she couldn't do this again, she just couldn't, it was erasing the point of the last few years, and it was against her judgement!

"what's wrong?" Kingsley asked quietly, deciding not to use legilimency but to wait until she was ready to explain.

"I… I can't- we can't do this- I still don't have it under control I set fire to Severus' cloak yesterday goddamit!"

"then he made you angry, I would never do that to you Serena."

"the anger is just the beginning… the love makes it ten times harder to concentrate-"

"so you still love me?" he asked softly.

"of course I still love you… I just… I love you so much that it's not even worth taking the risk!"

"it's my risk too, and I say I can take it."

"and what about that night-"

"it was a mistake, a one off, a-"

She shook her head, remembering the flames around them and the shaking earth beneath them. "I could have killed us both."

"I would rather die with you than be without you."

There was silence.

Serena tried to speak but found she couldn't, and what would she say anyway?

A bang from outside the room made them jump and she heard the chatter of voices as people emerged from Dumbledore's office.

"I have to go," he said regret filling his voice, "I'm supposed to be patrolling the castle…"

He picked up the letter that had floated to the ground and put it in his robe pocket, a slightly defiant look on his face. Serena felt heart broken all over again, but at least last time she had run away- now she had to stand here and see the pain she was causing him.

He walked to the door but paused before he reached it.

Serena knew she had to say something. "I- I bought cigars," she blurted out suddenly. "I didn't smoke them, I just lit them and let them burn… I like the smell."

She couldn't see his face but she knew he would understand what she meant.

"I stopped smoking them" he said, his voice hoarse. Serena wondered if he was holding back tears.

She didn't know what to say and he opened the door and left. She slumped against the desk onto the floor, letting go of all the emotion she had kept bottled up inside her. She cried and cried, her throat seemed to be on fire, her head banged and she cried more. She buried her head in her hands.

"kingsley" she whispered into the empty room, "oh kingsley I'm so sorry…"

She hated herself for what she had done to him, she hated herself for what he still continued to feel. As anger boiled up inside her there was a deafening crack and she jumped up startled, the shock momentarily robbing her of her despair. There was a large crack in the stone floor. She swore, realising she had subconsciously done it through anger. The door opened suddenly and she jumped. It was Albus. Serena thought he would be angry at the floor, but compassion flooded his face. She realised she was still crying and shaking uncontrollably and she tried to make up an explanation.

"Albus I-"

He shook his head. "might you join me for a cup of tea, or perhaps a large brandy child, you do look in need of one."

She wiped away her tears and nodded. As she walked past him he waved his wand, mending the crack on the floor. He put his hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture and when they arrived at his office he poured her a large glass of Firewhiskey.

"I'm so sorry about the floor Albus."

"mended in a heartbeat, no harm done. Now, would you like to talk to me?"

She nodded, wincing as the whiskey hit her throat.

"I believe all this is in relation with Kingsley Shacklebolt?"

She nodded.

"you're his ward aren't you?"

She nodded again.

Albus sighed. "I have known Kingsley for many years, although I would not call us very close friends, I do know a lot about him. I know that whilst he was training to become an auror, he taught in a small institute in Wales, teaching magic to those children whose parents did not wish them to attend Hogwarts, like yourself."

Serena nodded again, pressing her lips together tightly.

"he informed me once, asking for advice about a young girl there, about fifteen I would say, who seemed to posses powers more than magic. He never mentioned her name, although of course I know he was referring to you. When he was about twenty five, and the girl about sixteen her parents were sent to Azkaban, and she was left entirely in his care, due to the fact that the two of them had become very close over the years.

You soon turned seventeen, weeks afterwards I believe, but you accepted his invitation to live with him. You became a couple."

Serena shut her eyes, burying her face in her hands. It felt so strange to hear her life story being dictated to her.

"He was in love, more than he had ever been before, but he was very protective of this girl.

One day she left him. That was all he ever said. 'she went away'. He was devastated, we could all see it, but he immersed himself in studies and magic to distract himself, and qualified to become an auror shortly after." Albus paused, "why did you leave?"

"We… were celebrating my eighteenth birthday… that night I- I lost all concentration, I immersed myself in him, it was bliss, not having to think, just to be human and be normal and then I opened my eyes… the room was on fire, everything was burnt, everything, there were flames all around us, I could hear him shouting aguamenti, aguamenti, aguamenti but it wasn't working. I had to use my magic to put the flames out. He has a scar on his wand hand… it was from that night, I didn't heal it in time… We slept downstairs, but I had already made my decision. I cast a _mufliato _spell on him, in case he awoke, but he did not. I packed some things and then I sat down and I wrote my heart out, telling him how I felt and why I was going… I had to rewrite it three times I was crying so much all the ink smudged…"

Albus felt pity for the girl, and for Kingsley. This was a gift that she had been given- but it was seen only as a curse by her.

"he's so angry at me Albus, but I can deal with the anger! I can deal with the hate! It's the hurt and the love that I can't deal with… why does he still love me? Why?"

She tipped back her drink and winced.

"if I help you, if Severus can help you control this then…"

"I… I don't know, I… maybe…"

"then we shall do all we can to help you. I give you my word."

Serena smiled at him gratefully. "thank you Albus… I'm sorry that you had to see me like this."

He smiled. "you can always talk to me."

She thanked him again and left, walking slowly to her office.

"Serena," a smooth voice said from behind her. She traced her wand over her eyes before turning around to meet him, eliminating all traces of tears.

"Severus?"

His eyes searched hers and she quickly averted her eyes, trying to occlude her mind but not really knowing how to overcome the whirlpool of thoughts in her head.

She grimaced and scowled at him, knowing there was no way to hide.

"are you able to come to my office on Friday evening as well as Saturday?"

"of course" she said in the most normal tone she could manage.

"good." His eyes glazed over her face for a moment, before he turned and made his way back to his office.

Serena hardly slept that night. She couldn't stop crying, she couldn't stop thinking about the pain she was causing Kingsley… a man who had done so much for her: and this was how she repaid him!

What they had was in the past… she had to concentrate on her future now.

She twirled the beautiful silver ring between her fingers… it had been a token of his pride and love for her. She had loved him, and she still did with all her heart but… he was a lost cause… she couldn't let herself go back to him, he was worth so much more than her.


	10. Chapter 9

Remus joined Serena for breakfast in the great hall the next day. "are you alright?"

"of course, why?"

"you look like I do after a full moon."

She smiled at his joke, knowing he was just concerned.

"just didn't sleep much."

"Minerva mentioned something about last night… she was worried about you. She said that she'd overheard you and Kingsley Shacklebolt arguing on her way back down from Albus' office."

"you know Kingsley?" She asked casually, concentrating on causing her tea to swirl and create a whirlpool using only her mind.

"sure, he's an auror at the ministry, he was in the order of the phoenix, nice guy. How do you know him?"

"he used to teach me… I didn't come to Hogwarts. We became close… my parents left me in his care when they got carted off to Azkaban…"

Remus nodded, not knowing whether to pry or not. "So what're you up to tonight?" he said, deciding against it.

"nothing" she smiled, "why?"

"fancy going into Hogsmeade for a drink?"

"on a school night?" she joked. "go on then, but just the one."

He smiled and they walked to their separate classrooms.

She received a note mid way through a lesson that morning from Albus.

_Serena, I would be most delighted if you would join me for lunch in my office at midday,_

_Expecting your owl,_

_Albus. _

She thought he would want to talk to her about occlumency and so she sent her 'yes' immediately.

Albus had ordered sandwiches from the house elves to be brought up and told Serena to help herself.

"how is this occlumency going?" he said, resting his chin on his interlocked fingers and watching her carefully.

"it's difficult" she said smiling slightly. "I think I make Severus very frustrated."

"is he treating you well?"

"yes" she smiled. "he's disagreeable, arrogant and rude, but a brilliant teacher."

He chuckled. "indeed. Doesn't keep you out of the hospital wing though does he?"

She laughed. "I think that was my fault, I forgot to breathe. He was very considerate though- and I think he carried me all the way to the hospital wing so he must be pretty damn strong."

Albus smiled, slightly intrigued by Severus' behaviour. Serena had even used the word 'considerate' to describe him… and he had carried her? that was very unlike Severus who tried to avoid human contact as much as possible.

"So when does Severus call on you next?"

"tomorrow night."

He nodded pensively.

"we need to decrease the amount of time we projected for you to learn, I shall ask Severus to cut out things that aren't necessary- we can just add them in later. We need to get your life back on track." Albus watched her very carefully and Serena realised what he meant.

"you talk of Kingsley" she said quietly.

He nodded. "he came to see me this morning."

She looked up, surprised and confused.

"he was upset."

Serena nodded, looking down at her fingers.

"what did he want?" she said hoarsely.

"he wanted to know if you wanted him to be moved from the school. You know, of course, that he has been positioned here by the ministry. He said that if you wanted him to leave, he would."

"of course I don't want him to leave!" she cried. "I just… I don't want him to think we can go back to how we were just because I'm having a few lessons… I… I don't know what I want, but I do know that…" she paused, feeling a lump in her throat. "I do know that the past is the past and it would be foolish to try and relive it."

"it is not foolish to dream about what you've had my dear."

"isn't it?" she said raising her eyebrows. "do you think you're life would have been happier if you could have forgotten and moved on from your love?"

Albus was silent, but his face softened and his eyes flickered shut for a split second.

"I can feel it Albus" she said quietly. "I'm sorry."

"what can you feel?" he said leaning over the desk towards her.

"I can just feel a loss, a loss of someone you've loved."

He nodded and sighed. "maybe you're right, maybe it is foolish to try and relive the past."

She shook her head. "I guess it's natural… to cling to what we once had."

"are you sure you're only twenty two?" he said smiling. "you speak such old words."

She laughed. "had a lifetime's miseries crammed into two decades I guess."

"Indeed you have."

"did… did kingsley say much else?"

"he told me what you had told me. I decided to let him say in his own words, rather than tell him I already knew. He found it very difficult to talk about it, but I think he just wanted to get it off his chest… like you did last night." Albus smiled sympathetically at her.

"did he say… do you know if he wants…?"

"does he still love you?" Albus asked for her. "yes he does. You mean an awful lot to him. He wants you back."

She bit her lip, trying not to cry. "fool" she whispered, more to herself than Albus.

He chuckled, "love has no reason."


	11. Chapter 10

Friday night soon arrived and as she waited for seven o' clock to draw nearer, she became more and more nervous. Severus would see everything between her and Kingsley- everything they had ever shared would no longer be private- including their meeting the other night.

She sighed and ran her hands through her hair. God her eyes looked terrible: the result of practically no sleep for the past three nights. When ever she closed her eyes she would open them suddenly, thinking someone was lying next to her. She was pining. She had been through this before, when she had left him all that time ago.

She threw a small jacket over her t shirt and walked slowly down to the dungeons, bracing herself for the uncomfortable and unpleasant few hours she was about to spend.

She knocked on the door and it opened immediately.

She tried to smile to Severus but didn't quite manage it. She sat on a desk as usual and waited as he put a few cauldrons back in his store cupboards. "Severus, before I forget- do you have anything to help you sleep? You know like muggles use tablets-"

"how long have you been suffering from this?" he said, turning to her and raising his eyebrows.

"about three nights?"

"how many hours a night have you managed to sleep?"

"one. Maximum."

Severus looked at her eyes- it appeared she had used a concealment charm on them-but they still looked red. As he looked at her properly she seemed physically exhausted.

He went into his store cupboard and brought out a large vial of sleepless night potion.

"any idea of… the cause?" he said in his smooth voice as he poured some into a small bottle.

"yes," she said shortly, making it clear that she did not want to talk about it.

"care to… elaborate?"

"I thought you said you weren't interested in my past Severus?"

"I'm interested in it if it is going to affect your concentration."

"it won't" she said firmly.

"very well," he said annoyed. "take half a spoonful every night. If it doesn't work take another half after another hour, your sleeping pattern should soon resume."

He put the bottle on a bookshelf near the door.

"now Albus has informed me you have an urgent time scope. He wants me to teach you more in a quicker fashion. This means our course will be more intense, but you're just going to have to deal with it.

This means that today we shall be delving deeper into your mind. Firstly we shall start with just practising clearing your mind. Ready yourself."

He drew his wand and Serena stood up, bracing herself for his impact and letting her mind wander into nothingness. She felt Severus try to infiltrate her thoughts but she kept him at bay, strengthening her blank barrier. It was almost nice, escaping to this blank place, seeing nothing, hearing nothing feeling nothing.

"good!" Severus said, lowering his wand and feeling that they had actually made some progress. It seemed she was a determined student and he could tell she had been practising.

"much better" he repeated. "We shall go further than we have ever tried. You need to keep concentrating on nothing, no matter what you see or hear or feel, you have to focus on nothing. Prepare yourself."

Severus knew he had to be brutal for her to learn, she had to feel the power and force legilimency contained, he would not tell her it would be painful, but she was soon to find out.

"legilimens!"

Serena gasped and stumbled backwards blindly by the sheer force of his spell. Her hands instinctively pressed to her head to try and relieve the blinding pounding pain. Images flashed through her eyes, quicker and quicker.

She saw her parents on that terrible day, she felt the dementors ridding her of hope and happiness and she bit her lip, wincing as even more unbearable pain shot through her.

"concentrate!" she heard Severus shout into her mind. How could she concentrate on anything else but the pain! She saw herself talking to Albus and then Remus. She felt the emotions she had felt from others, she felt their miseries and their happiness, creating a strange mixture as it merged with her own hurt. "fuck" the words escaped her lips and she winced, trying to relieve any pressure, any pain for just one second.

She saw her row with Kingsley, feeling her pain again. Severus seemed keen to explore that part and he concentrated more on their actions and feelings, "stop!" she stammered as she saw herself and Kingsley in an embrace. Suddenly she was back in his house years ago, she was sitting in his lap reading- the pain became too much- the pain overwhelmed her-

Serena collapsed onto the cold floor on all floors, panting heavily and pressing head to the cold stone. Her eyes had watered from the tears. She glanced up, wondering why he had stopped and realised what had happened. She had expelled a force as she became more distraught.

She scrambled up and rushed over to where Severus was untangling himself from a bookshelf. The books had spilled over the floor and pages were just floating to the ground.

"Severus!" she cried, panic evident in her voice.

He straightened himself out and waved her off. He had not expected that from her- she had expelled an air wave so forceful it had blasted him off his feet- and she had not even used a wand!

"it's fine, it's fine" he muttered, stopping her urgent protests and stepping away from the books. "that was interesting."

"interesting?" she cried, frustrated by him. "what the hell are you playing at?" Her anger and hurt was returning.

"you weren't concentrating-"

"how can I concentrate when you're-"

"doing my job?" he sneered.

"your fucking job isn't to get the dirt on my private life!" she cried.

"your mind is open to me!"

"so! that does not give you the damn right to invade my privacy! What me and Kingsley-"

"you think I enjoy watching you and that man? No! But it's my job to know your mind like my very own!" Severus snarled, not sure why he was so angry that he had seen her and Kingsley together.

"that does not mean-"

"yes! It does!" He waved his wand angrily and the bookshelf mended itself. "I have to know how your mind works- mentally- emotionally- I have to know how you work else how can I find any resolve to your problem!"

"just get me summit for my head" Serena muttered after a long pause, pressing a hand to it. Severus scowled at her and then walked through to his potion store. Serena did not know whether to believe. It seemed true enough; although she knew Severus was the kind of man to take advantage… she sat on the desk, scrunching her eyes from the pain.

Severus sorted through his store cupboards, scowling. How dare she confront him like that! No one did that- no one challenged him! He was so frustrated at her and angry at what he had seen and felt inside her head. He thought about the modelled pictures he'd seen and then glared when he realised his thoughts. He had imagined himself instead of Kingsley…

He cleared his throat and his head, immediately burying his thoughts deep into his mind. He found the correct vial and grabbed a glass, pouring the red steaming liquid into it. He walked swiftly over and handed her the glass silently. She took it, careful not to touch his hand and drank it quickly. It tasted like liquidised paper but she did not complain. He took the glass from her and put it on another desk.

"we'll try something different" he said with irritation clear in his voice. He was not really annoyed at her, more frustrated, but she did not need to know that.

She nodded and stood up, grateful.

"I want to try contact legilimens."

"okay."

"this will need you to utilize the second defensive mechanism. Instead of concentrating on nothing, you will need to choose what images you want yourself to see- ignore what I am seeing. Two screens, if you like. One half for control- so you can keep your emotions level, stop your elements coming… out of control-"

"I'm sorry about that by the way" she said quickly, being completely sincere.

"It's no matter now, we shall practise first. ready?"

She nodded, bracing herself.

"legilimens!" Severus cast the spell, delving into her mind. He explored only the top accessible layers of her mind, deciding to be easier after his last attack.

Serena was getting used to him being in her mind. She didn't like it, but she knew it was necessary. She had expected him to be brutal again, but he was not and she was grateful.

She concentrated only on her, only on her emotions, on her feelings, on the elements and keeping them under control. It was strange, she could feel him in her mind, but she concentrated on not seeing.

"good!" Severus said, withdrawing his wand. He was surprised she had got it first go.

They practised that twice more and then Severus decided she was ready.

"I want to try contact occlumens now."

She nodded.

"sit here." He indicated to a desk and she sat on it. He dragged another desk right up close opposite her and sat on it, drawing his wand.

Serena felt slightly uncomfortable being in such close proximity to the man she had just yelled at, but she put it behind her and looked into his eyes. They were pitch black, but not like an intimidating dark hole or an emptiness- instead they conveyed mystery and secrecy and she couldn't stop looking into them.

"you're staring at me Serena" Severus said slyly, his mouth twitching.

"I'm sorry" she said, trying to repress a smile of frustration that he had noticed.

Severus drew his wand and positioned himself in front of her. "I want you to shut your eyes." He said, silently urging her to trust him.

She shut them without hesitation and he was glad.

"I'm going to place both my hands on either side of your head; through the contact I should be able to access your thoughts. You need to do what we have just been practising." His eyes glanced over her calm face. "ignore the sensation you will experience, just concentrate on keeping yourself and your powers under control. Ready?"

She nodded and he placed his hands slowly on either side of her face. She jumped when he touched her and then smiled mischievously as she felt he had been thinking about her.

"why are you smiling?" he said quietly.

She quickly repressed her smile. "no reason."

He said nothing, knowing she had just felt his emotions… what were they? He hoped she had felt nothing of his previous thoughts about her, his… lust… His hands were still on her face; her soft hair touched his hand very slightly.

"prepared?" he said quietly.

"yes" she replied softly to his silky voice.

Severus shut his eyes and made his way into her mind. He had decided to look at only easily accessible thoughts and so he glanced through many meetings and conversations, looking for anything interesting.

He explored a few with her parents, wondering if there was any way it could be genetic. He couldn't be sure, she was right, there seemed to be little happy memories between them. He saw her sitting at the top of the stairs as a child and listening to them arguing. It reminded him of his childhood. He saw her father hitting her and the image made anger boil up inside him. This was disgraceful- maybe Azkaban was the best place for them.

He saw a memory he had been searching for- a teen girl sprinting up the driveway- screaming and shrieking and flashes of light. He saw her parents holding two men by the throats, their wands in their hands. Serena was screaming at them to stop, her memories seemed full of blurs and shouts, as though she was so scared her mind could not function properly. There were more flashes of light, blood came form the two men and they slumped to the ground, dead. There was a terrible scream and dementors appeared, they swooped down onto Serena-

Severus felt as though he had been running and had hit a brick wall. He was flung back onto another desk, landing face down on the floor. He swore, realising her power had overwhelmed her again.

"shit, shit Severus!" Serena sprinted over and crouched down beside him. He clambered to his feet, gritting his teeth to not show pain.

"Severus I'm so sorry I-"

"it's fine, it's fine."

Serena walked away from him, so exasperated with herself.

"maybe we shouldn't do this, I don't think it's worth it-"

"why Merlin not?" Severus said sharply.

"because Severus if you're going to get hurt it's not worth it."

"that's ridiculous, this is important!"

"severus the most important thing for me at the moment is your safety!"

Severus was quiet, inside his head he had imagined she had said _is you_ instead of _your safety_. He shook his head.

"Serena, I consent to this. We are making progress, it will be worth it in the end, and nothing serious will happen to me." He hardened his expression, knowing he had to be firm to persuade her. "you forget that I also, am a very powerful wizard."

She smiled slightly. "okay, okay." She sighed, dabbing her eyes. "can we have a break for coffee?"

He nodded, leading her into the small kitchen. Serena glanced at her watch and was shocked to see she'd been there for almost three hours. She set the kettle to boil, feeling his eyes on her back.

"you're staring at me Severus" she said smiling, copying his earlier words.

Severus said nothing, averting his eyes.

"how do you like your coffee?" she asked.

"black, no sugar."

She made hers milky and passed him his cup, making care not to touch him.

Severus walked back into the classroom and sat on his desk. She sat next to him, leaving a gap of over a metre, not wanting to make him uncomfortable.

She wondered if these lessons were going to work. Would it be worth it? Would she actually be able to have a relationship with someone? Have an actual life?

"why did you lose control just then?" he asked carefully.

"I was scared" she admitted. "All the emotions from that day came flooding back…the blood, the dementors… my heartless, vicious, brutal, merciless parents."

Severus glanced over at her angry expression.

"have you visited them?"

"once." She said sipping her coffee. "about a month afterwards, to find out what they wanted to do with me. I stayed about five minutes before I ended up screaming at them… I got dragged out by a dementor…" she shuddered. "their touch is horrible."

"I can imagine."

"what did you do afterwards?"

"cried. Rebelled. Went off the rails a bit… then I got reminded that I didn't need to become like them, I can do better."

She smiled sadly and warmed her hands on the mug.

"have you ever been to Azkaban?" she asked.

"yes, a few times, none were pleasant experiences."

Severus was not sure if she knew about his past…

"why were you there?"

"visiting, getting information and doing other favours," he said, avoiding telling her the truth- he had been ordered to see old death eaters.

She frowned very slightly, looking at him in an intrigued way. She knew he was hiding something.

Severus realised how unusual this was for him: he never talked about his life to anyone, never, the sole exception being Albus. He frowned, deciding to change the subject away from him.

"how's wolfman?" he said sarcastically.

She rolled her eyes. "I imagine you mean Remus? He's fine, thanks to you of course."

Again the subject had turned back to him!

"why potions?" she asked.

"I was always interested in potions, the exact precision that goes into them, the way that everything has to be added in the correct quantity and accurate temperature. It was not my first choice of subject to teach though. I preferred the defence against the dark arts."

"because you're so interested in them?" she said smiling.

"if you like." He replied indifferently.

"why?"

"have you finished your coffee? We need to get going."

She laughed at his lack of subtlety and stood up. She took his cup mug from him, forgetting to avoid his hand and she had to make a great effort to not show she had. She walked into the kitchen. She had felt Severus' curiosity- not just at her but at the way she made him feel. Serena frowned. She had felt Severus' lust, his reaction to seeing her body in the photographs, but without being big-headed she guessed it was just natural. She hoped it was nothing more, and was reassured it was not. Severus seemed slightly frustrated by her, and definitely not the kind of person to be in a relationship.

She washed the mugs with her wand and put them back in the cupboard. When she walked back into the other room Severus was sitting ready. "We're going to try contact again" he said. "I think it's the one you're best at, despite the last incident, and it's probably going to be the easiest way for me to unlock this."

She nodded and slid onto the desk opposite him.

"ready?"

She shut her eyes and concentrated on her feelings, the calmness that she forced upon herself. She focussed on calm thoughts, monitoring the elements around her. She felt the earth beneath her and she told herself she was in control of it. There was no fire but she knew she had the potential to create it in a second. She put aside that thought and explored the room further. There was water everywhere- almost every potion was water-based.

"stop," a puzzled voice said. She opened her eyes to find Severus' wand in front of her face. His eyes were searching hers deeply. "what did you just do?" he said quickly.

"nothing" she said surprised.

"yes you did, I could see it in your thoughts- explain exactly what you were just doing."

"You told me to concentrate on my emotions and the power I had over them, and so I did that. I scanned the room for elements that might cause a problem. I saw-"

"but how? How could you scan the room if your eyes were closed?"

"I…' the question struck Serena silent. How did she do it? "I don't know I- I can just sense them I guess, like molecules. You know how bats use sound waves to distinguish where objects are, how big they are? well that's how I do it, just naturally. I can determine the potential power they hold as well."

"that's… valuable information," Severus said summoning his clipboard. He scribbled something down quickly and then sent it away again.

"that will be all for tonight."

"Thank you Severus. I feel kinda reassured after tonight."

He handed her the sleeping potion and nodded his understanding.

"tomorrow night? But we shan't be more than an hour."

She nodded. "thanks."

She let herself out and walked down the corridor, feeling slightly lighter.

She changed into her pyjamas and sat on the edge of her bed, taking off her jewellery. She twirled the silver ring from Kingsley between her fingers and then put it at the side of her bed. She took half a spoonful of the potion Severus had given her and lay down, soon drifting asleep.

* * *

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	12. Chapter 11

Serena was so glad it was a Saturday. It was the best night's sleep she'd had in days. She put on some tights with shorts over the top and a chequered shirt, feeling more comfortable in muggle clothes. Then she strolled out into the castle, wondering what was happening.

"Serena!"

She span on her heels to meet a beaming Remus.

"how are you?" he asked catching up with her.

"much better I think" she smiled. "how about yourself?"

"optimistic for Gryffindor today" he smiled.

"ah the Quidditch game? Awesome. What time does it start?"

"about half an hour but I was going to take a walk first, would you like to join me?"

"that would be nice."

They turned together out into the grounds. The sun was shining which was nice, but the air was cold. They walked in the general direction of the Quidditch pitch.

"I hear you're learning occlumency?"

"very badly" she said smiling.

"Severus is teaching you? How do you find him?"

"he's patient. I've already flung him into two bookshelves and am kind of failing at the whole thing, but he hasn't thrown me out yet so…" She glanced at Remus' young face.

"do you know him? Outside of Hogwarts I mean?"

"we went to school together. We are the same age."

"what was he like?"

Remus thought carefully. "he was relatively quiet, very clever, but a Slytherin. He was bullied I guess, by some of my friends and I did not prevent it, I shall be honest. He was disliked greatly by many for his love of the dark arts."

"what did he do after Hogwarts?"

"he… maybe you should ask him."

"Remus just tell me! Please?"

"he joined the death eaters."

"he what? Serena said shocked.

"he changed sides when James and Lily potter were killed… many say…he was childhood friends with lily…"

"it's true" Serena said quietly. "I can feel it when I touch him. Grief."

They were silent for a while, both engrossed in each others thoughts.

"Poor severus" she said quietly. "so… he's no longer a death eater?"

"he's spy for us. The dark lord thinks he's a spy for him."

"ah, but-"

"you want to know how we can trust him? Albus trusts him."

"that's good enough for me. I can feel it from him anyway. I know that deep down he's a good man. Or at least, deep, deep, deep down."

Remus laughed.

They walked towards the Quidditch pitch. At the entrance there were aurors checking people. Serena sighed, spotting Kingsley.

"I'll catch you up Remus."

Remus walked into the stadium, knowing she needed to speak to Kingsley alone.

"hey" she said shyly as she walked up to Kingsley.

He was wearing dark green robes and a green hat. As always Serena was marvelled by the authority he carried, but also the kindness and gentleness in his face.

"Serena" he said, greeting her with a slight bow.

"how- how are you?" she asked, not looking at him.

Kingsley reached out and brushed her cheek with his hand. She shut her eyes as his emotions overwhelmed her. Each time she touched him she found it magical. How could one person hold so much feeling?

He gazed down at her sadly, but with an almost defiant look on his face.

She opened her eyes and looked up into his brown eyes. "I love you too" she said and then she walked past him and into the Quidditch pitch, knowing she could not stay with him any longer- else she would succumb to her feelings.

She found Remus up in the stands and smiled when she sat next to him.

"how are you two doing?"

"okay" she said. "not used to him being around yet, and I don't think he's used to it either."

"it will take time." Remus said, betting inside his head they'd be back together within a month.

The game was enjoyable but it reminded Serena of the times she had been taken to see Quidditch with kingsley. Would everything remind her of him?


	13. Chapter 12

She arrived at Severus' at seven that evening in good spirits.

"hello Severus" she smiled.

He nodded; his acknowledgement of he presence, and shut the door behind her.

"how are you?" she asked throwing her jacket over a chair.

"fine."

"shame about the match today" she sighed. "Ravenclaw should have won."

"biased point of view."

"of course."

"might I enquire as to the cause of the good mood?" his lip curled thinking it was Kingsley.

"a good night's sleep I think, thanks to you." She smiled gratefully at him and he nodded again silently.

"what are we doing today?" she asked, sitting down on her usual desk and ignoring his stony gaze.

"we will start with some contact telepathy" severus said sitting opposite her. He usually hated physically contact with people but he found that with her… it was just different.

He pulled his desk closer to hers and looked up into her eyes. He could see she was not worried: she trusted him.

"we shall start slowly."

Serena took one last look at his dark eyes and then shut her own, concentrating on her feelings. She was becoming more aware of herself as these lessons progressed and was finding it easier to move into this verisimilitude.

She breathed in and out slowly and Severus watched the rise and fall of her chest with hunger in his eyes. He reached out his hands and placed them on either side of her face, stroking back her soft hair with the tips of his fingers.

He watched her face as she absorbed his emotions, trying to concentrate on not letting her feel all of them. "that doesn't work I'm afraid Severus" she murmured, smiling slightly. "Somebody has already tried."

Severus scowled at her closed eyes and she laughed a sound that sent slight tickles down his spine, a sound that made him smile very slightly.

Serena could feel his frustration at the fact he could not hide his feelings, especially a slight unusual attraction he had begun to feel for her.

"prepare yourself," Severus said in a husky voice.

He shut his eyes and moved into her mind, slightly firmer and more invasive than usual and he felt her wince in his hands. He moved quickly through her thoughts, ignoring those of the past few weeks and going instead to her telempathic skills.

She moved slightly between his hands and he knew it might be painful for her, him moving at such a quick pace. He did not stop until he reached the thought he had been looking for. He saw her holding a boy's hand as a child about eight years old. He had a cut on his hand and as she touched him it seemed to fade and dissolve onto her hand instead. She had done it unknowingly, and the boy was the one that noticed. He opened his eyes to find her wincing in pain, but concentrating all the same. He removed his hands slowly and she opened her eyes, immediately pressing both hands to her head.

"shit that was painful."

"unavoidable, I apologise for not warning you in advance.

"that's alright, do you have anything I can take to get rid of it?"

Severus raised his wand and summoned a bottle he had got out ready. He conjured a glass and poured her some. She thanked him and drank it gratefully, feeling the effects almost immediately.

"what were you looking for?" she asked watching him carefully, wondering if he was looking at more memories of her and Kingsley.

"the moment you realised you were a telempath" he said believably.

"oh, that's interesting I guess."

Severus wrote a note on his clipboard. "I found out something very intriguing about you today" she said smiling, showing she did not see it as such a bad thing.

Severus looked up.

"I heard you're a death eater turned spy."

Severus was shocked, not only that she knew the shameful information but that she had used such a light tone to state it. It seemed to be such an oxymoron. "who gave you such information?" he demanded.

She shrugged, avoiding the question. "can I see your dark mark?" she asked curiously.

"no." he stood up suddenly.

"ok, ok, you don't want to talk about it, I'm sorry, sit down, please."

Severus lowered himself slowly onto the desk again.

"if you don't want to talk about something all you have to do is say."

"why such a casual tone?" he asked, succumbing to her topic of conversation.

"you've changed. I admire that."

Severus was silent for a moment and then very slowly he reached over and rolled his left sleeve up. He wasn't sure what made him do it, he had never shown anyone his mark before; he loathed it.

Serena watched in awe. She had not expected him to do so, he had no reason to, but then she thought maybe he just needed to share it with someone. On his left forearm, the black tattoo of a snake twisted into a knot around a skull lay. She twisted her head to the side, imagining it moving.

"it's… captivating…" she murmured, "but I can see why you hate it so much."

"how's that?" he said quietly, his eyes flickering between her reaction and his exposed arm.

"It's… it has marked you. He has marked you his."

Severus felt exactly as she described, he hated it with all his strength. He loathed the way he had been stamped, like a slave to be summoned at the dark lords will.

"can I touch you?- the mark, I mean" she quickly corrected, realising how that sounded.

Severus raised his eyebrows at her awkward remark. "okay" he said quietly.

Serena's eyes flickered to his which had seemed to soften as she reached out her fingers and gently touched his mark.

"ow" she flinched and drew back her hand instinctively.

"what's wrong?" he asked quickly.

"it's like… there's such strong hateful emotions there it was just a shock, sorry. I…"

She reached out her fingers again, ready for the sensation this time. She did not move her hand, she just breathed in slower and adapted. "It's… it's so full of hate and anger…" she trailed her fingers along the dark lines curiously. "that mixed with your normal emotions is so… paradoxical I guess… it's… bizarre… I wish you could feel what I'm feeling…"

Severus swallowed, his body has stiffened as she had touched him, it was such a new experience for him and he wasn't sure what to make of it. Firstly, he had expected her to be horrified by all of this, not to ask to see his mark! The look on her face was that of wonder, of awe, of such great interest.

"I'm not crazy" she murmured, her eyes flickering up to meet his and her lips smiling. "I can feel it. Does this cause you pain?"

"it's fine," he said curtly, ignoring the pain.

"You're anxious too- why, just relax."

Severus tried but he could not. Yes, her touch was nice, so soothing, but he just couldn't help thinking that any moment she would suddenly realise what she was doing, realise what a revolting thing she was touching.

"I have an idea" she said, "is it possible to do that contact telepathy where I concentrate on something whilst you look at my mind- that way I can concentrate on this- you can see what it feels like. You have to feel it, it's… so strange."

"it's possible."

Serena rested her hand on his forearm and shut her eyes. She concentrated only on that, on the emotions and combinations of reactions she got from it. Severus placed his other hand on the side of her head and a moment later it was as though he was from her point of view. He felt the fury projecting form the small mark. Some of it was his feelings toward it, some were just the properties of the mark- to represent rage and power. He opened his eyes. Her lips were slightly apart in concentration, her eyes remained shut. He was so tempted to just lean forward, just one touch, just one kiss, one moment of-

His lips met hers with a slight coaxing nudge, a small kiss on her bottom lip.

Serena felt overcome with passion- only some of it was her own. She opened her eyes and realised Severus had kissed her, his look burned into her eyes, as if daring her to kiss him back or to challenge what he had just done. Serena, her hand still on his arm, leant forward and kissed him in a firmer, fuller way. Her arms moved up to his chest and they became entangled in a fierce kiss, full of passion and lust.

Severus' hands were all over the body he had thought about so much. Their lips seemed to create energy as they met together, her tongue teased his bottom lip with a slight lick. He felt as though he was in ecstasy- he had not shared something like this for so long. Serena had lost all thought, all meaning, by god the man could kiss!

A flash of red ignited in the corner of her eye and she pushed Severus' roughly away from her, "_aguamenti!" _she shouted, pointing her wand at the fire. It extinguished with the water almost immediately but she was so horrified.

"fuck!" she shouted in frustration, "goddam fuck!" she kicked a table and launched the chair across the room, crashing into a bookshelf. "She punched the wall, her knuckle cracked as it came in contact with the stone and she scrunched her face from the pain, "I just want a normal fucking life!" she cried as strong arms pulled her back. "just some goddam control!" She turned and buried her head in the man's chest. Severus pulled her to him, feeling protective of her. She was so frustrated and exasperated and angry and he held her to him until she had regained some control.

He looked out over her head, loving the close proximity to her warm curved body. His lips were still tingling from that kiss, still wet from her mouth. His hand stroked her head comfortingly.

"I have to go," she said finally, trying to turn away from him. He wondered if she regretted kissing him and the thought scared him.

"you can't go anywhere, you're not fit."

"I'm fine."

"let me fix your hand, and let yourself gain control again, else you could do anything."

She sighed at his authorative voice and he led her to a chair and sat her in it.

"stay here."

Severus turned into his store cupboard. He found the potion immediately but he leant back against the wall and closed his eyes- savouring every second of that feeling. It was so unlike him, this strange attraction he felt, but… she was so unusual… so sensual…

He turned and walked back towards her.

She was sat with her head buried in one of her hands. She looked up when he approached her.

"I'm sorry," she said. "about… the shouting and… the mess-"

"it doesn't matter." He drew up a chair in front of her and poured some of the potion onto a piece of cotton wool.

"let me see your hand."

She lifted her right arm. Her knuckle was blue and bleeding.

Severus took her hand in his gently. Serena shut her eyes briefly, his passion overwhelming her, but she also felt some disappointment.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't control it..."

"I don't understand" Severus said, wondering why she would ever need to apologise.

"well I'm guessing it was just a test… to see if I could keep control of the fire whilst my emotions were heightened. I'm glad you decided to try that instead of making me angry."

Her eyes flickered up to his and she smiled slightly. Severus was not sure what to think. She knew he had kissed her out of passion, he was sure of that, but instead she was covering it with a story… to save him from feeling embarrassed? He was not sure, but as he gazed into her warm brown eyes he wanted to kiss her again. He glanced down at her hand that he held.

"why fire?" he said as he lifted her hand up to examine.

She winced. "it seems to follow a general pattern. Anger is usually earth or air, water and ice is usually grief or sadness, fire is usually… passion" she met his eyes again. "either love or lust or sometimes anger in the cause of either. Fire… it seems to be my greatest weakness… not that you made it easy, by god severus you can make a girl forget her senses." Serena smiled in wonder but kept her eyes on their hands.

Severus felt his heart skip a beat and he had to clear his mind. "I think it's broken" he said referring to her hand.

"that would explain the pain" she said sarcastically, grimacing.

He had to stop himself smiling. "I have to straighten it out before I can fix it, can I take your ring off?"

Serena froze momentarily but Severus had already reached out and teased the silver ring from her finger. "expensive" he murmured.

"probably."

He looked at her curiously. "a present?"

She nodded and reached her other hand out. He gave it to her silently and then began to straighten her hand out.

Serena gritted her teeth and tried to distract herself.

"It's from Kingsley" she muttered looking away from her hand. "he gave it to me for my birthday when I was seventeen."

Severus said nothing as he spread the yellow healing potion across her fist. He murmured the incantation and her bones healed.

"flex."

She moved her hand and fingers, they seemed to be fine. "thank you" she said sincerely, aware that he had not yet let go of her hand.

"Severus… Remus and I and some of the staff are going to the Three Broomsticks on Wednesday night, would you like to come?"

"I think I'm busy."

"ok well… if you find time, do come, it will be nice."

Severus nodded and went to put things back in his store cupboard.

"we are finished for tonight" he said, leaning out of the door.

She stood up and put on her jacket. "see you around."


	14. Chapter 13

She walked up the steps feeling confused. Severus had kissed her… it was all so confusing; he hated physical contact with people!

He was not one to get close with any other person and yet… they seemed to be forming a bond. Serena trusted him. She sighed and turned away from her room, walking instead out into the grounds.

She strolled through the darkness to a large tree beside the lake and sat down in front of it. She leant against the bark and shut her eyes, conjuring a small magical fire with her mind to keep her warm. It hovered in front of her as she tried to relax and clear her mind, as Severus had told her to practise.

She had been there almost an hour when she heard footsteps. She glanced around warily and saw a figure approaching her. She relaxed, recognising the figure's walk.

"can I join you?" his deep voice rang out.

"of course." She moved up slightly and Kingsley sat next to her, looking out over the glistening lake.

"are you staying out here all night?"

"I think so."

"do you want me to bring you a blanket?"

"no, I'm fine."

There was a pause. "I… I remember when you used to do this in my back garden" he said smiling slightly. "I would wake up in the middle of the night and hear the back door shut… I'd find you against the apple tree fast asleep."

"and then you'd say 'well I can't sleep now' and come and sit next to me, and then we'd talk" she finished, also smiling.

"We'd both be exhausted the next day."

Serena reached over and took his hand, in a quick slightly embarrassed movement, shutting her eyes briefly at the love that swamped her.

Kingsley looked down at her in the dark and then let go of her hand.

For a split second Serena felt complete rejection overwhelm her, although she did not show it but a moment later Kingsley shifted slightly and put his arm around her shoulder.

She shut her eyes in contentment.

"I've missed this" she murmured.

"we can still have it" he said quietly but she shook her head.

"Kings I've just set fire to Severus' office. He made me angry" she lied. "I just lost control again… I would never take that risk with you, never, I love you too much to risk your life. When, when I can control this, when Severus finds out how I can contain it then… if, if you still-"

"I'll always want you" he said sharply. "I am always waiting for you Serena, I can't let go."

She held back her tears and moved closer to him, their two bodies fitting like the pieces of a jigsaw.

She rested her head against his shoulder. "do you have to go back on duty?"

"yes. But I'll wait until you have fallen asleep."

"I love you" she sighed, kissing his cloak on his shoulder.

Kingsley leant against the tree and watched her as her breathing slowed and she drifted into unconsciousness. He stayed there as long as he could, savouring the feel of her warm body against his and then he lay her gently against the tree, conjured a blanket, covered her, kissed her forehead and then left, the hovering fire the only landmark he could see.

"Did you sleep out last night?" Remus asked in amazement the next morning at breakfast.

"yeah, how'd you know?"

"I saw the fire and then you when I got up this morning. "weren't you cold?"

"no, it wasn't so bad."

"alone?" Remus smiled knowingly at her.

"I… bumped into Kingsley" she allowed, aware Severus was listening two places away.

"and?"

She laughed, "Remus you're worse than a sixth grade school girl."

He laughed, "ok, ok, just curious!"

"are you busy tonight?" she asked him, biting into a piece of toast.

"no I don't think so."

"fancy going out for a flight? I haven't used my broom in weeks."

"yes okay, might as well have all the fun I can before Saturday."

"full moon?" she asked quietly.

He nodded unhappily.

"I'll see you tonight" she said standing up. "have a good day."

"you too."

Serena walked to her class quickly, ready to spend the morning practising hovering charms with second years.

She met Remus after supper and the two flew across the lake for over an hour until they became almost frozen to their brooms.

Remus conjured a fire as they walked quickly back towards the castle.

"brr, it's too cold to do that again" he shivered.

"come on Remus, let's jog it off" she laughed and ran across the lawn with him running behind her.

They were both out of breath and soaking wet when they arrived at the entrance hall.

"I can't believe we just did that" Remus said, his laugh echoing around the room.

"haha, I can't believe we have to get up for classes in seven hours!"

Remus groaned, "better go and catch come sleep then."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

They both parted their separate ways and Serena climbed the stairs to her office.

"Serena" a voice loomed from the darkness.

She span around, smiling slightly. "Kingsley?"

He walked from the darkness up to her, casting a Lumos charm so they could both see.

"I thought I heard you laugh."

"I've been flying."

"you're soaking! Here-" he waved his wand across her and her cloak dried immediately.

"thanks. Are you on duty tonight?"

"not really."

"do you want a drink?"

"that would be welcome."

Kingsley walked with her to the office and sat down on the sofa there, gazing around at the books and musical instruments that he had been so used to seeing at his house.

Serena handed him a glass and sat next to him.

"how are you?" he asked deeply.

"happier. I think my occlumency is making progress."

Serena reached out and took Kingsley's hand, leaning back on the sofa as his emotions overwhelmed her again. She could hardly comprehend how one person could be full of so much love and passion. It was almost consuming her and she pressed his hand to her lips, kissing his soft skin gently.

Kingsley watched her, wanting to kiss her but not wanting to push her or pressure her. Serena felt his uncertainty and pulled him to her, her hand caressing his face softly and her lips meeting his in a brief touch.

She opened her eyes to gaze into his, they burnt into her, wanting more, wanting what they once had.

"I can't risk losing control" she whispered , her hot breath tickling his lips.

"you're not going to" he said firmly, kissing her again, teasing her into a reaction.

She shook her head, shut her eyes and leant against his side.

"You can't fall asleep like this, it's bad for your neck" Kingsley forced himself to say.

She sighed. "I know."

"I'd better go."

Kingsley stood up and pulled her up by the hand.

"I'll see you Wednesday night."

"I look forward to it" she smiled.

He leant down and kissed her lightly again before turning and leaving.

Serena sighed, craving his touch. She slept well that night without taking any potion.


	15. Chapter 14

On Wednesday night Serena made her way to the entrance hall and was surprised to see Severus waiting there talking to Minerva.

Serena joined Remus who greeted her with a wave. "are we allowed to get trashed on a school night?" she joked.

He laughed, "do you have lessons first thing?"

"no."

"then yes, yes you are," Remus laughed.

"good evening" a deep voice said to both of them.

A smile immediately broke upon her face.

"Kingsley" she said smiling.

"how's the ministry these days Kingsley?" Remus asked.

The two chattered away about departments and aurors they both knew and Serena stood there and watched Kingsley. Everything she had missed so much about him, just little things, all made her so happy. They way his eyes shone when he smiled, the way he pronounced the letter 't'.

As they all made their way up the drive towards Hogsmeade he bent down and whispered in her ear.

"you look beautiful."

She sighed and linked her fingers through his. It seemed she just could not stay away from him.

All this did not go unnoticed by Severus who was walking a little way behind them with Minerva. He glared at their linked hands and clenched his own. Merlin! Why was he so jealous!

"Severus?" Minerva followed his gaze to Kingsley and Serena. "to be in love…"

Severus said nothing but Minerva was suspicious. Severus had become close to Serena, she knew that, they spent so much time together using occlumency. However Minerva had never seen Severus become emotionally and mentally close like this. He usually distanced himself from everybody, he was arrogant and rude, but Serena stood up to him and challenged him. They seemed to be…friends? The way he looked angrily at them now… were there romantic feelings? She would mention it to Albus, knowing that man he was already one step ahead of her.

They all piled around a table in the Three Broomsticks. Serena ended up sandwiched between Kingsley and Remus and opposite Severus. They talked of classes as they drank their Firewhiskey.

"how's your occlumency going Serena?" Remus asked taking a handful of smoky bacon crisps that immediately began to smoke in his hands. He coughed through the grey haze as everyone laughed at him.

"It's going okay" Serena said still laughing. "but I think Severus is the one you should be asking, he's the one who has to put up with me."

"we're making progress" he said to her directly. He just didn't feel comfortable talking to her when her left hand was on Kingsley's knee. He scowled inwardly but kept his expression blank.

"how are you trying to combat it?" Kingsley asked.

"we're trying to find out as much information as we can, and use it to improve her subconscious concentration." Severus stared directly into Kingsley's eyes. He'd had nothing against Kingsley before he had met Serena and realised her relationship with him. Now he felt jealous and angry with him all the time. He saw him as competition now and he knew it was unhealthy.

His gazed flickered to Serena who was talking to him eagerly. He knew why she needed to control her powers: so she could be with him. Could he continue to help her now?

Of course he would. He had to.

He avoided talking to Kingsley as much as possible throughout the evening and although this meant he had to talk to Remus instead he didn't mind. He confessed that he seemed to be quite a nice man… apart from being a werewolf. He stood up and went to the bar for another drink and was surprisingly joined by Serena.

"torn yourself away?" he said sarcastically.

"what's your problem you've hardly spoken to him all evening" she said quietly. Severus noticed some of her words were slurred.

"you're drunk."

"I'm not!"

Severus remained silent, not wanting to encourage her.

"I'm glad you came" she said looking up at his annoyed face. "you're not though" she observed.

"I thought I came for a drink, not to sit there and watch you two-"

"we haven't done anything!" she cried.

"not above the table." He said sharply.

"relax" she said dragging out the word. "we're only holding hands it's not like the universe will implode or anything."

"I'm not going to talk to you when you're drunk."

"you're just jealous" she said laughing. "j-e-lus."

"don't kid yourself."

"ooh sorry professor."

She giggled again and Severus took his drink and left her. She followed him to the table a minute later clutching a small pot in her hand.

"look, look guys- it's Firewhiskey- in tablet form!"

Everyone looked amazed and started laughing as she handed them around. Severus scowled across the table. Is he the only one who can hold his drink?

Luckily Remus seemed to be sober and he raised his eyebrows at Severus across the table.

"why aren't you drinking?" Severus asked, realising he had only cranberry juice.

"full moon on Saturday, I find alcohol doesn't agree with the wolfsbane."

"probable."

At that time everyone decided to make their way back to the castle and Minerva walked with Severus again, although she kept laughing at everything and patting his arm.

Serena walked with Kingsley to his room and he poured them both another drink. She sat on the sofa, wrapped in his arms until she eventually fell asleep. Kingsley looked out of the window; it was snowing and he realised it was Serena. He wondered what she was feeling as they sat there together, trying to relive something they could not.

Serena awoke on Kingsley's sofa alone the next morning with a banging headache and a note:

_Gone to the ministry,_

_Make yourself at home. K _

She smiled and rolled over, forgetting she was on the sofa and cursing as she hit the stone floor. She scrambled to her feet rubbing her shoulder and went for a shower. She summoned a pair of jeans and a white vest from through the window from her office and changed, drying and straightening her hair with her wand.

She checked her watch, she did not have a lesson for an hour, thank Merlin. She had such a bad head, had she really drank that much?

She thought back to last night. Yes, she had, and then on top of that she had been taking 'Firewhiskey pills.' Damn. She remembered her conversation with Severus- she had insulted him badly.

She decided to go and apologise and she walked down to the dungeons as quickly as she could, feeling guiltier by the second.

She knocked on the door and waited. It was flung open by an angry looking Severus and Serena spotted a class of second years all gathered around their cauldrons and brewing behind him.

"shit, I forgot you had class."

He said nothing and just stood there waiting impatiently.

"I… I wanted to apologise," she muttered quietly, aware students were watching her.

Severus frowned and then said "come inside" under his breath.

"you should be at stage seven by now" he glared at his class and they all jumped, looking frightened.

He led her through to the store cupboard away from the class.

"I'm so sorry for my behaviour last night Severus. I … I confess I can't remember exactly what I said but I'm pretty sure it was out of order and I'm sorry."

He nodded and then turned and began looking through the many bottles of potions he kept there.

"what… do you have, against Kingsley?" she asked carefully.

Severus was glad his back was to her.

"I think he's being unfair, when you are not near him due to his safety for him to… tempt you like that," he lied.

"I don't believe you" she said in a normal, calm, matter-of-fact voice.

He turned around to see she just wanted him to be truthful.

"I'm not really concerned what you believe Miss Lake." He spoke in a cold voice and he handed her a bottle he had been routing for. "for your head," he said shortly.

"thank you Professor. I'll see you on Friday."

She turned on her heel and marched out, making sure the class caught her annoyed expression before she slammed the door.


	16. Chapter 15

She did not see or speak to Severus before Friday night but she found herself going to his office in an annoyed mood, mostly because Kingsley had been working at the ministry for the past few days and had not been back to Hogwarts.

The door was ajar and she walked in without knocking. Severus was sitting on a desk, writing a note in a book labelled '_Secrets of the Darkest Arts: Elixirs for the Dead_.'

"cheerful read." She commented.

He shut it and conjured a chair in front of him for her to sit on.

"Serena today we are travelling deeper into your subconscious."

Serena noticed him use her first name and he seemed not to be angry anymore.

"this will require you to visit the most difficult and traumatic times of your life. Any time you have experienced emotions at a heightened level, even if they are not you own. I am aware that this is er… asking a lot of you, that it requires you to drop every barrier you may have and to talk about things you may have pushed to one side. I realise it will be difficult and we have all weekend so you can take your time, but I must urge you that this is very important and compulsory if you want me to help you to find a way to control this."

As Severus spoke Serena felt fear rise up in her. She appreciated his honesty, his bluntness and him giving her time, but she was still scared.

"You want me to take away every private thought, every secret thing I have?"

He nodded.

"You want me to talk about things I don't talk about?"

He nodded again.

"can I warn you that if I consent to this, things here may get broken, I will get angry and upset and I won't have any where to run and hide it."

He nodded again, surprised by her sincerity and calculated thinking.

"If I don't say yes, will you just use Veritaserum anyway?"

"no. that would be unfair."

"life isn't fair, you've told me that enough times."

"then it would be… wrong."

"a betrayal of trust" she said, more to herself than him, realising something. "how odd" she said looking up at him. "I trust you."

"how odd indeed" he said, his mouth twitching into a smile.

She smiled at him too and then she nodded.

"ok. If you think this is going to help, then yes."

Severus conjured a glass and filled it with water.

"I'll put this here for you, in case you want it and also so I can measure your emotion."

"can you measure an emotion?" she wondered aloud.

Severus pondered her question and realised she might have a point.

"you know what I mean."

"indeed I do, I'm just trying to put you off and delay this as long as possible."

"are you afraid?"

"terrified."

Severus frowned. "of me?"

"no of course not. Of what you're making me do."

Severus wanted to comfort her but he was not sure how and so he just cleared his throat. "is it okay if I take your wand?"

"er okay but why?"

"you're powerful enough without one, I'd like to leave here on my own two feet, not being carried to the hospital wing."

She smiled and stood up to get it from the back of her jeans. As she leant around her vest top rode up slightly and Severus caught sight of her flat tanned stomach.

"Severus" she warned teasingly, feeling his eyes.

She handed him her wand and sat back down, aware he felt annoyed at being caught.

She tried to rid the smile from her face but she found she couldn't.

"concentrate" he said firmly, trying to ignore her eyes gazing at him. She stopped smiling immediately.

"ok, how do you want to do this?"

"we'll just go through slowly, if I see anything I want you to explore, I'll tell you."

"okay." Serena took a deep breath in and shut her eyes, feeling Severus' hands on her temples.

She saw Severus looking through her past, images blurred in her mind and the pain began to come. She grimaced, feeling as though her head was about to explode but Severus slowed down, finding the things he wished to explore.

"I want you to show me the relationship between you and your parents" Severus murmured and Serena heard his voice as though it was an echo. She breathed deeply and focused on all the images she saw, like a slideshow of her life. She picked out one when she was three years old, the first time her father had kicked out at her. All she had wanted to do was hug him but he was shouting, he was always shouting.

Severus watched the image play out in his head. A tall stocky man was shouting at a small thin woman with long blond hair. Neither of them resembled Serena, apart from her father's eyes that were the same shade of brown as hers- although all warmth was lost within them.

"I saw you Simon! Don't you dare try and wriggle out of this one!" the woman screamed across the kitchen.

"she's a friend! And so what if I did kiss her-"

"so you admit it!"

"she's a better woman than you ever were!"

"you son of a bitch!" The woman threw a saucepan across the kitchen and the man vanished it with a sharp flick of his wand. "my own wife, daring to throw things at me?" he laughed a humourless laugh and it was then that Severus saw a small girl of about three years walk into the kitchen.

"you're noisy," she said, sucking her thumb innocently.

"can't you have some consideration for our daughter!" the woman threatened.

"can't you control her? She should be in bed!"

"daddy stop shouting" she said in a small voice.

"don't you tell me what to do" he growled at the small child.

"don't you speak to her like-"

"I'll speak to her how I want, she's mine isn't she? Or are we debating that now?"

The girl pattered over and tried to put her arms around the raging mans waist. "get off me!" he shouted. "you're not my child-"

"of course she is!"

The child began to cry and the man pulled her off him and pushed her to the floor.

"you whore" he spat at the wife. Severus saw a kitchen knife fly through the air towards him and then darkness.

He opened his eyes. Serena was sat on the chair, her legs pulled up and hugging her knees. Severus could not tell if she was upset or angry and he asked her, lowering his hands from her face.

"neither. I'm just… numb to them… completely… numb."

"I had a similar childhood although my parents just ignored me… I imagine… yours did not."

"no they didn't… I was their tool, their weapon against each other; their punch bag." She bit her lip and took a sip of water.

"they beat you?" Severus leant forward, horrified.

"when you said I would have to remove all barriers and talk about things, this is what you meant isn't it?"

He nodded.

She sighed and shut her eyes.

"my father did. Usually drunk. Usually angry. Usually bored."

Severus struggled with words, "I know it's difficult… but-"

"it's okay, I know what you want; just do it."

She shut her eyes and braced herself.

The pain pounded in her head as she found a scene, her breathing quickened as her fear from that day returned and she looked at something she had forced herself to forget.

They were in the living room, there was rubbish and broken furniture all over the floor and Severus guessed it had just been trashed in an argument. The child Serena looked a little older- maybe seven or eight, he guessed.

"whose side!" the man ordered, spitting in the face of a girl about eight years old.

"mummy or daddy, which one?"

"I'm not choosing, I won't!" she replied crossing her arms, tears streaming down her face.

"you will chose you little slut!"

"mummy, mummy daddy's scaring me" the girl stepped backwards towards her mother but the dad grabbed her arm and knelt down to her level, threatening her. Severus heard the mother's screams of protest.

"scaring you am I? but I wouldn't hurt you would I? not if you're my child. Daddy wouldn't hurt you. You see that's the question, am I your daddy?" He glared up at the mother.

"daddy you're hurting my arm," she sniffed.

"how about now?"

"ouch! Daddy you're hurting me!"

"I mustn't be your daddy then you little shit, your lying cheating mother must have another man!"

"no, no Simon I don't-"

"you liar!" The man grabbed the little girl and picked her up tightly in his arms. It could be seen as a protective, loving gesture but Severus was sure this was not.

"daddy you're hurting me!"

"Simon, let her go!"

"ok!" the enraged man dropped the girl on the floor, she cried out as she hit the floor with a loud crack, screaming as her wrist bent in the wrong direction. The man shot a spell at the wife and she ducked and then he lashed out, kicking the squealing child with his heavy boots.

It went on, kicking and lashing. "it's okay darling!" the man cried crazily. "she can just heal herself and then we can start all over again!"

Severus had seen enough and he opened his eyes to find tears trickling down Serena's cheeks. He realised she had leant on him for support and her hands were on his knees as she held herself up. He removed his hands from her face and she opened her eyes, looking down as though she was ashamed. She concentrated on breathing deeply, reminding herself it was the past, he couldn't hurt her anymore, he never would again.

"Serena?"

She looked up and sat backwards, moving her arms from Severus' knees, and he felt the loss of pressure. "sorry" she said quietly, wiping away her tears.

"don't apologise."

They were silent for a while until Serena had stopped crying and she could speak normally.

"when he realised I was a telempath… he said it was brilliant, he bought me a bicycle, a red one. Guilt money, because that night he beat me, saying it was allowed because I would just heal straight away. The bicycle… had a little bell… all the kids were jealous…" The last word caught in her throat and she bit her lip, trying not to cry in front of Severus.

Severus was horrified, absolutely shocked beyond anything he had seen before. He had never imagined someone could be so cruel. He had never imagined she had gone through so much. She seemed so mentally strong, and yet it seemed she only was because she had to be.

He did something he had never done before; he reached out and grasped her hand comfortingly. Serena was taken aback, not only by the gesture but by the sympathy she felt emitting from him.

She looked up at him, realising that it had taken a lot for him to do that and she tried to smile at him.

"coffee?" she said clearing her throat.

"I'll make it." Severus stood up and went into the kitchen, feeling she would want some time alone. Serena sipped at the water beside her, slid her trainers off and walked around the room trying to distract herself. She ran her hand over the spines of the thousands of books that lined the walls. She slid one out entitled, '_Guesswork or Prophecy? The art of divination, by Mia Goldsworthy.'_

She flicked through the pages, some had notes written down the side, and she guessed they had been written by read one; _prophecy is subjunctive, it does __not__ set events in stone, it only sets a possible course. _

She guessed it made sense.

"your coffee's on here" Severus said from across the room, putting her mug on the table.

She put the book back and walked over, sipping the hot liquid carefully. Severus sat on the desk next to her, looking across the classroom.

"Have you ever spoken about these things with anyone else?"

"Kingsley knows… he knows me inside out… He took me away from them as much as possible… and then when they got put in jail I went to live with him."

"when do they get out?" he asked, steering the conversation away from Kingsley.

"about four years I think. But they'll probably die in there."

Severus looked across to her, she seemed angry.

"why are you angry?"

"they should get longer. They should suffer. Death brings…"

"peace?"

"no, death does not bring peace. Death brings… mercy and compassion. The two things they had never practised in their entire life."

"were there not good times?"

"my bicycle was a good time. But he transfigured it the next day."

There was silence for a moment.

"your parents are dead" Serena stated.

"my parents were not bad people… they were bad parents, but compared to yours they were saints."

Severus finished his coffee and glanced at his watch, it was eleven o' clock.

"you want to get on" she said, observing his action.

"only if you're ready."

"I'm ready." She took his glass from him and put them in the kitchen before returning to her seat opposite him.

"show me Azkaban" he said. "dementors awaken our deepest fears."

She nodded bravely and shut her eyes.

She winced from the pain again, leaning forward slightly. Severus felt her hands on his legs again and he tried to divert his thoughts from her small hands gripping him tightly.

He saw her riding on the back of a broom, her hands locked around the waist of the man who was riding it. It was a younger Kingsley.

They flew over the rough sea and he felt the dread and fear as they approached the prison. Serena was searched and stripped of her wand before being led into a small square room. There was a glass wall splitting it in half and her parents were sitting on the other side of it, looks of emptiness on both their faces. Serena scowled at them both as she sat down opposite them. She felt completely hopeless as a dementor entered the room and she struggled to remain focused.

"Serena!" her parents cried when they saw her. "darling-'

"I'm not your darling" she said harshly.

"don't speak to your mother like that-"

"you can't tell me what to fucking do!" She spat at him. Anger reared up inside her. "have you decided what to do with me?"

"Kingsley is to look after you. You are his ward," the wife said, whimpering as a dementor hovered close to her.

"I'm glad you're in here" she said, tears running down her cheeks. "you deserve it."

"don't you dare-" the man stood up, pressing his face against the glass.

"you can't hurt me!" she screamed. "you can't hurt me in here, how's that for you, you're not my parents!"

"Serena!"

"shut up you coward. You couldn't even bring the strength to stop your husband beating me! You did nothing to protect me, nothing!" Serena banged on the glass and the dementors stirred. "I HOPE YOU ROT IN HERE!" she screamed, banging on the glass.

"you little-"

"WHAT? WHORE? SLUT? DEVIL? THAT'S RIGHT!" Tears poured down her cheeks. "you never loved me. You're sick- you killed them people-"

"THEY DESERVED IT! YOU WAIT UNTIL WE GET OUT OF HERE!"

"GOING TO DO ME IN ASWELL? I WELCOME IT, BECAUSE I'LL BE READY FOR YOU-"

"YOU FEAR THE DAY WE GET OUT! YOU FEAR IT BECAUSE I'M GOING TO COME LOOKING FOR YOU!"

"I'LL BE WAITING!" Serena screamed. "get off me! Get your hands off-" the dementors pulled her away and Serena fainted.

Severus felt the air grow cold and he opened his eyes to find her slumped over on the desk. He stood up quickly and felt her pulse. She had fainted here too. Tears glistened on her cheeks and he reached out and stroked her hair, looking down at her limp figure. His breathing created a mist and he realised she had frozen everything. There was glass in the corner where the ice had expanded inside a vial and caused it to smash. "Rennervate" he muttered.

The figure stirred and then sat up suddenly, looking around confused and muttering, "no, no-"

"Serena it's okay, it's okay, look at me." He took her face firmly between his hands and she gasped for breath, reality returning. Tears rolled down her cheeks and Severus brushed them away with his hand. He turned and sat next to her, putting his arm around her comfortingly. She leant against his side, burying her head in his shoulder until she could stop crying.

Severus smelt the berry smell of her hair, he felt her warm body pressed against his, he felt her shaking in fright and tried to comfort her. He hated seeing her like this, hating seeing that her father could do this to her from the middle of the ocean, that he still clung to some power over her.

Severus leant down to kiss her forehead, just as she looked up at him. Their lips brushed in a clumsy caress and they both froze. "I was going for the forehead-"he tried to explain.

"I think that was bad timing on both of us" she said, trying to smile.

Severus was slightly embarrassed but Serena leant up and kissed him very lightly on the lips, to show him she did not mind.

"don't be frightened," he said hoarsely, his lips tingling with pleasure where she had kissed him.

"I can't help it… the dementors… "

"they can't hurt you here. You can't let them win- you can't allow them to keep this power and control over you- you're worth so much more, don't let them win."

"How can I forget them if when they get out, my father is going to come and kill me?"

"I won't let him. I give you my word on that, and I imagine Kingsley has too."

"but he's just so powerful."

"you only think that because you were a child then, helpless, now you're a fully grown witch. A powerful one at that. You're ready for him, now let go of the fear."

Serena tried, she tried to forget everything that scared her, the feel of the dementors, the screams of her parents-"

"let it all go" he said quietly.

"I'm trying, how do you know-"

"The temperature in here is about minus three at the moment."

"oh." Serena was sweating and had not even noticed.

She distracted herself with the thought of seeing Kingsley tomorrow and the room began to warm up.

"better." Severus said and he stood up, suddenly realising his arm was still around her. "do you want me to ask a house elf to bring some food up?"

"that would be nice."

Severus left the room, deciding to go to the kitchen and give her some space. She had kissed him… he knew it was only a small, friendly kiss but still… it was progress.


	17. Chapter 16

Serena poured herself a glass of water in the kitchen, cooling herself down. She glanced around at all the cupboards. There was little food in there, but everything was very clean and precise. The cutlery in the draw were all silver and categorised, even though half of it looked like it had never been used.

She glanced at the other door, knowing his lounge, bedroom and bathroom were through there. She was so tempted to take a peak, just a small look but knowing Severus he had anti intruder charms all over the doors. Serena was cleverer than that. She took a spoon from the draw and used the mirrored side to look under the door. She caught a glimpse of a black leather sofa, a radio, a fire, a table and many more bookshelves. She heard the door open and close from the other room and she scrambled to her feet, putting the spoon back. She was just about to call to him when she realised the person who had entered was doing just that.

"Severus?" the man's voice called. Serena hid behind the door, realising how strange it would be to be caught alone in Severus' kitchen at gone midnight. She peered through the crack and relaxed. She stepped from behind the door looking guilty.

"good evening Albus."

"ah, Serena! Excellent! How are you?" he walked into the kitchen with her, beaming.

"fine, and yourself?"

"quite excellent" he said smiling. "might I ask where Severus is?"

"he went to get some food from the kitchens… we're doing occlumency."

"of course. At such a late hour?"

She shrugged. "I think we're just over running a little."

"not working you too hard is he?"

She smiled. "you know Severus…"

He laughed, "indeed I do."

At that moment the door opened and Severus called through. "good job we've worked up an appetite them elves are so enthusiastic they practically throw food at you."

Serena stifled a laugh, realising how strange that must sound to Albus and she followed him out into the classroom.

"Albus" Severus said stopping. Serena smiled apologetically from behind him.

"Severus my dear boy-"

"I'll be in the back" Serena said, taking the tray from Severus and shutting the kitchen door. She was just going to sound proof the room so she would not be tempted to listen but then she realised Severus had her wand. Damn. She looked at all the food Severus had got. There were bowls of rice and noodles and then cakes and pastries. It seemed he had asked for everything. She took a fork from the draw and began eating a bowl of noodles, realising just how hungry she was.

"It's such a nice surprise to see you, ah- working."

"we are working Albus," he said rolling his eyes.

"at such a late hour? For so long?"

He shrugged, "there aren't enough hours in the day."

"or perhaps you just enjoy her company."

"you think that," Severus said casually, although they both knew Albus was spot on.

"anyway, the reason I came here is that it seems the dark lord is planning to get the prophecy. He will want it in his possession by the end of the year."

"then we must destroy it."

"we can not, you know the rules."

"well we can't just let him-"

"you have to persuade him to tell you when. Convince him you can infiltrate our forces from the inside, you will be very resourceful to him."

Severus nodded curtly.

"when is your next meeting?"

"I don't know, next weekend perhaps."

"okay. Take care my boy, enjoy your night" he said winking.

Severus scowled and watched as the old wizard left the room, his eyes twinkling knowingly.

Severus walked into the kitchen to find Serena eating noodles on top of the work surface.

"these are possibly the best noodles I have ever tasted" she said smiling.

"I thought you'd be hungry so I just got a bit of everything."

"that's real nice of you" she said smiling.

Severus took a piece of toast from the tray and poured himself a drink of water.

"surely you must be curious?"

What do you mean?" she said frowning.

"as to what Albus wanted.

She smiled, "It's killing me."

Severus found himself smiling too.

"I may as well tell you, you'll find out soon enough. The dark lord plans to infiltrate the ministry. I can't give you details, but he wants a prophecy found in the department of mysteries. We have to stop him getting it."

"count me in" she said immediately.

"it's dangerous."

"I know."

"you're feeling reckless" he observed. "not a good combination."

"I'm not-"

"you feel weakened by what we've been doing, by what we've both seen and felt and now you want to do something to combat that- something to prove that you're actually strong inside."

Serena glared at him.

"you don't have to do anything to prove to me you're strong. I have been inside your mind have I not? You're not weak."

"then let me fight."

"it's too-"

"I can deal with it. I'm powerful, without a wand never mind with."

"these are death eaters we're talking about, if Bellatrix were to find you-"

"I'd let her have it."

Severus was frustrated but he dropped it for now. "we'll talk about it some other time."

Serena said nothing, just watching him across the room.

"you're staring at me" he noted.

She laughed. "I know."

He smiled slightly.

"come on, let's get this over with." Serena stood up and followed her into the other room. "what do you want to see?"

"what happened after the visit to your parents?"

"I robbed stuff. I'm not proud of it, it was so stupid and pointless but my parents had just been chucked in prison… I was still adjusting. Me and Kingsley had to move because people kept egging the house and beating me up."

"why?" Severus said, shocked.

"because they thought it was the right way to punish my parents. They didn't realise my parents didn't give one. I got arrested a couple of times- muggle prisons. Kingsley always bailed me out though, he was good with me, he got me back on the right track."

Severus forced himself not to scowl.

"why did you do it?"

"at the time I wanted the excitement, to rebel, the adrenalin, but most of all I just wanted control. I thought if I could get away from the police, if I could escape them then I would have some power. I did get away, many times. I didn't keep the stuff I stole; I gave it away or put it in charity shops. God I was crazy."

"I can sort of understand… a craving for control is understandable."

She took a sip of water and turned to him. "what next?"

"that's… up to you."

Serena read his expression well. He did not hide it; he wanted to ask her without words.

"you… you want me to show you why… why I left Kingsley, don't you?" she looked taken aback.

Severus nodded. "It was when this lack of control became too much for you. It's important."

"but it's not just my memory."

"then just show me some of it, leave Kingsley out of it."

"it's pretty hard to do that."

Serena was undecided. "just gimme a minute" she muttered and she walked into the kitchen. She sat up on the counter and shut her eyes. She had to do this, she knew she had to, but it would mean totally surrendering herself to Severus. Completely trusting him with every private thought she had. It would not be fair on Kingsley- but he would never find out.

She gathered all her strength and walked into the other room. "you have to promise me," she began. "and I mean proper promise, not some thing you can change your mind on. Promise me that if I show you this, if I completely show you this then you can't use what I give you against me and you cannot tell Kingsley. you must promise."

"I give you my word."

She nodded. "then okay, okay…"

She felt like she had surrendered and she walked slowly and sat across from Severus, trying to steady her breathing.

"if something happens, if I set fire to something or whatever- stop me."

He nodded. "try and relax."

She gathered all her strength and Severus reached out and put his hands on either side of her face. As she shut his eyes he saw only darkness at first, but then the memory began.

He was standing in a dark room; he could hardly see anything but he saw the covers of the bed. He heard heavy, laboured breathing and he realised Serena and Kingsley were there, making love. He felt embarrassed to be watching and he felt jealousy rise up inside him like a snake. She moaned Kingsley's name through the darkness and he gritted his teeth. He could feel the emotions they were experiencing, but also his own arousal at her sensual sounds and he wondered if she was showing him the correct memory when suddenly he saw flames. They shot up around the room, blazing as the couple moaned and shouted in passion.

Suddenly her scream of pleasure turned to panic and Kingsley threw himself in front of her, trying to conjure water in the darkness. The heat was overwhelming; Severus could almost feel his own burning skin.

"aguamenti! aguamenti!" Kingsley boomed, but the little water he conjured was not fighting the flames.

"Serena, Serena baby I need you to help me out here," he shouted, trying to shield her from the blaze and Severus saw his skin peeling in the heat.

"Serena" he choked desperately. "I can't fight this on my own."

As though in slow motion, Severus saw Serena shift from behind Kingsley. She was shaking almost violently with fear, her face was black with soot and the little skin he could see was red raw. She looked as though she was screaming though he could hear nothing but the roar of the flames. He saw her shut her eyes and suddenly water was pouring from the ceiling, swirling around them at her bidding, dousing the inferno that had engulfed the room.

His head went black again and he opened his eyes to find Serena, her eyes still closed but with tears running down her cheeks.

She opened them when Severus put his hands down and more tears rolled down.

"gimme a minute" she muttered and then she ran into the kitchen, shutting the door behind her.

Severus stood up and walked around the classroom trying to clear his head. Flashes of Serena kept flickering into her head, her moans and screams. He imagined him with her… He pictured him instead of Kingsley… wishful thinking he knew it. It would never happen; she wanted Kingsley, not him. He scowled through the darkness, but he felt for her too. She was so scared of hurting the man she loved she would not permit herself to be with him.

He noticed a crunching sound as he walked and he realised it was glass. Potion vials had smashed- the contents inside them had frozen. He saw his expensive fireflies, dead on the floor but he didn't even mind. It was worth it, he knew he could use this memory, it would be helpful and also… he'd probably do anything for her…

"I'm sorry…" her quiet voice came from the doorway. He turned; she walked in and sat on a desk. She had been running her hands through her hair and it was messy, as though Kingsley's hands had been running through it. Severus hid his scowl and walked over to her cautiously: she had stopped crying.

"I told you not to apologise."

He sat opposite her, giving her some space.

She gazed blankly at the floor, concentrating on breathing steadily.

"are… you ok?" he asked uncertainly.

She nodded.

"can I ask you a few questions?"

She nodded again.

"you and Kingsley had been… together, for how long before this?"

"we'd been together romantically for… two years I guess."

"then, excuse me for being blunt, but I assume you'd done… that… before that night?"

She nodded, smiling slightly at his awkwardness.

"well then why was this time so difficult to control?"

She smiled again, seeming embarrassed. "we were celebrating my eighteenth birthday, just… trying new stuff and stuff…"

Severus scowled and she laughed. "you do cheer me up Severus, even if you don't mean to."

He wasn't sure whether to be pleased or not.

"what happened afterwards?"

"in detail?" her eyebrows were raised.

"just tell me as much as I want to know," he scowled again.

"um… Kingsley dragged me into a cold shower- we had both got burns but mine healed straight away of course, and then I sort of, took his injuries from him and healed him. Then he made me stay downstairs and whilst he slept on the sofa I… I got up, packed a couple of belongings, wrote him a letter and… left…" She bit her lip, trying not to cry.

Severus stood up and paced around the room. His head was so full of answers and questions; he was just struggling to put them into words and the correct order.

"we have progress," he said suddenly.

"we saw you create fire using your unconscious mind, correct?"

"correct."

"but you used emotions from your conscious mind to control your unconscious mind?"

"correct."

"but!" he said triumphantly. "you used your _subconscious_ mind to connect the two!"

"confused."

"of course, of course, it makes sense! See in some situations there is no unconscious- and there is no fire!"

He conjured images in front of his face, but each one vanished in a puff of smoke before Serena realised what they were. She watched him from the other side of the room, amazed by the way his mind was working. "you see, the unconscious mind is the key!"

"but how do I control my unconscious mind?"

"you can't without passively involving your subconscious; you see it all makes sense!"

He summoned his clipboard and began scribbling furiously.

Serena went into the kitchen to let him work in peace. He had no idea how grateful she was, for him to spend all this time helping her. She checked her watch, it was three am. Damn. She had to be up in four hours to get ready for class. She ate a croissant as she waited and then peered around the door. Severus was in his store cupboard, rummaging about and muttering to himself. He was so close to the answer, he was sure of it!

"Serena!"

She hurried into the cupboard; he was up a ladder, rummaging in the top shelves. "I need you to help me find a small green potion called 'vegosium.'"

"why can't you just summon it?"

"everything else is too fragile, I summon one thing, a hundred things could fall. Don't touch it if you find it, just say."

They spent over twenty minutes searching hopelessly through his entire stock.

"can't you make some more?"

"it takes four months to simmer."

"Is it water based?"

"it contains two teaspoons."

Serena stood still and shut her eyes. She concentrated on everything around her. She was surrounded by molecules and she felt as though she were under water. Her ears went foggy and she could hear nothing. She searched through all the water based potions with her mind, switching from thought to thought, molecule to label and after a few minutes she had found it. She opened her eyes and smiled. "sixth shelf, at the back up there." She pointed and Severus rummaged and found it.

"good, very good. That was logical."

He climbed down with the tiny bottle between his fingers. "okay, just give me a few moments. If you want to get coffee you know where it is, and you can sit on the sofa in the other room."

She smiled and went to take the chance to explore his living quarters.

She opened the door to his living room cautiously and then stepped into the dark room. She waved her hands over a candle and conjured fire with a click of her fingers, light lit up the room slightly. It was quite a large room, a large black leather sofa curved around two walls. The other one was filled with books and a fire and small table was against the wall of the other. Everything was very neat and precise and so…Severus. She smiled; it fitted with his personality perfectly. She yawned and sat down on the sofa, deciding to just rest her eyes for a little while…

Severus was so frustrated! He knew he could find an answer and he thought he was so close but actually he seemed quite far away… he had worked out the pattern, now he had to invent a whole new potion to combat it. He looked at his watch, it was four am. He listened for Serena but heard nothing. He decided to give up for the night and went into the kitchen, almost tripping up on her trainers. "Serena?"

He walked through to his lounge where candle light was flickering and stopped at the doorway.

That was a pleasant sight he had not seen before: Serena was curled up, fast asleep on his sofa. He smiled, watching the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest, the way her mouth was slightly apart and her ruffled hair.

He walked quietly over and knelt down in front of her. "Serena?"

No reply.

He reached out and moved a piece of hair off her face. It was so soft and he could not resist running his hands through the rest. She sighed in her sleep and he was so tempted to lean down and kiss her. It was his opportunity! She could not stop him, she wouldn't even know…

He shook his head at himself. That was not the way he wanted it.

He ran his hands through her hair again and then sighed. He knew he had to wake her, she could not sleep there tonight.

"Serena?" he said a little louder.

"mm…" she stirred and rolled over slightly.

"Serena?" he shook her gently and suddenly she gasped, jerking slightly and opening her eyes.

She steadied her breathing and her eyes focussed on Severus' face.

"Severus" she said surprised, and then she realised what she had done. "oh shit, I fell asleep didn't I?"

"It's quite understandable."

She sat up and then stood up, running her hands absentmindedly through her hair. "what time is it?"

"about four am. You should probably go and try and get some rest."

"you too" she said smiling at him and walking through to slip her trainers on. She put on her jacket and then suddenly noticed the mess in the classroom. "did I do that?"

He nodded.

"oh god, let me-"

"it's not a big deal." Severus took his wand and swiped it across the classroom. The broken shards of glass flew back together, the cracks in the floor sealed and the room put itself back together.

"I have your wand by the way" he said, reaching inside his cloak and handing it to her.

"thanks… listen… thanks for spending all this time trying to help me… I really appreciate it..."

"just following orders," he replied, although he knew it was not the truth.

She nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow, or I guess…today."

He smiled. "yes."

She leant forward and kissed him on the cheek, an act he was not expecting and he froze, unsure how to react but liking the sensation of her lips on his skin.

"goodnight Severus." She smiled and let herself out, shutting the door quietly behind her.

Serena walked half blindly to her office, set an alarm for less than three hours and collapsed, fully clothed on her bed.

Severus did exactly the same.


	18. Chapter 17

"shut up" Serena groaned to her alarm clock, that continued nudging her and retorting back rudely.

"uh, okay, okay, I'm up."

She staggered into the shower, setting the water to cold and allowing it to wake her up. She dressed quickly into lilac robes she had bought last week and went down to breakfast. It was eight o' clock.

"you're late" a silky voice said behind her.

She smiled. "I wonder why."

Severus sat down with her, which was a change, but she said nothing.

"sleep well?" she said smiling.

"like I'd taken a potion."

She laughed.

"I don't need you to come next weekend. I'm working on developing what we did last night so I'll just send you an owl when we need to meet."

"okay" she smiled, thankful for all the time he was putting into this when she heard another deep voice behind her.

"Good morning."

Severus scowled but tried to nod politely to Kingsley, ignoring Serena's content smile as she turned to him.

"hey."

"you look exhausted," he said to her, still smiling.

She laughed, "we both are. Severus and I spent all last night until four this morning doing occlumency…"

"working her hard are you Severus?"

He gave a sort of polite nod, made an excuse and left, feeling in bad spirits.

"what's wrong with him?"

She smiled. "Severus is Severus. Severus with no sleep is even worse than Severus."

Kingsley stepped closer to her and brushed her hand with his fingers. She felt his love overpower her for a moment.

"Kingsley!" she whispered, an embarrassed smile on her face. "I'm working, and there's students about."

"it was an accident" he said seriously.

"are you here tonight?"

"I'm not sure, I haven't seen my rota yet."

"well if you are and you fancy… a chat…"

He smiled. "I'll look you up. Have a good day."

He brushed her fingers again when he walked past and she sighed. She loved him so much.

She felt like a zombie throughout her lessons and kept having to ask things twice. Her class seemed louder than usual and she just wanted to sleep.

She dismissed her last class early and went for a cup of tea with Albus.

"It was nice to see you so comfortable last night" he said, watching her closely.

"Severus is being so sacrificing… I feel quite guilty for keeping him up all night, although it was his idea!"

He laughed, "progress is being made though."

"I believe so."

"and how is your other man?" he winked at her and she laughed at his implications.

"I assume you talk of Kingsley? He's… the same as he ever was: perfect apart from his one fault."

"ah?"

"his stupid choice of falling in love…"

He chuckled. "ah, love has no reasoning, nor logic."

"nor an escape route" she smiled.

"I think the last thing Kingsley wants to do is to escape, my dear."

"I fear you're right Albus. I feel so lucky…"

"and yet you feel so… cursed, I believe?"

She sighed. "it's like… having the one thing I desire, the one thing I want more than anything and… not being able to touch it. It's like torture."

"love does torture us…" he said sadly.

"when- how… " Serena paused, trying to phrase her words in a sensitive manner. "love… tortured you, Albus…"

He nodded. "Indeed it did."

"I felt it… I don't know, I can't explain, but I can just tell… like with Severus…"

"ah, Severus… Severus has had such a hard time in love…"

"I can still feel it, every time I touch him, the grief… she died?"

"she was murdered."

Serena was horrified. "Severus…"

"the woman in question was married to another man. I believe she and Severus were never involved romantically… they were best friends but then he fell in with the wrong crowd and…"

"unrequited?"

He nodded.

"how romantic, and yet completely destructive at the same time."

"It destroyed him."

"life is so unfair."

"you sound just like him" he said, chuckling and lightening the mood.

Serena stayed for another hour, chattering to him, but she did not forget what he had told her about Severus. She was filled with such sympathy for him, yet she knew he would not want it.


	19. Chapter 18

The end of the year was drawing nearer and the Serena was forcing her classes to study harder than ever. She was feeling confident- they all seemed capable, even Longbottom, a hopeless third year who suffered from lack of self confidence.

"how's the love life Remus?" she teased whilst she was sitting with him in the staff room one afternoon.

"lack of it" he smiled. "but I have grown used to it- werewolves don't make great partners."

"you haven't given yourself a chance Remus" she said sadly, "you're more than just a werewolf."

"tell that to the ministry."

"come on- what's your preference? male or female?"

He rolled his eyes and closed his paper. "Serena-"

"which one!" she interrupted, beaming at him.

"depends."

"ah, not yet decided? petite and blonde or tall dark and handsome?"

Remus transfigured his newspaper into a paper plane and flew it at her. She laughed and transformed it into a bird which soared out the window in a sad bid for freedom.

"fine. but I'll find out eventually" Serena said, conceding.

Her evening was spent in Albus' office, discussing Kingsley and Severus.

"Kingsley fears he may no longer be needed at Hogwarts now they have caught the escaped prisoner," Albus said, observing Serena closely over his clasped hands.

"why does he 'fear' such a thing? Surely he will be glad to be doing some actual auror work, rather than being a 'bodyguard' to Harry Potter?"

"work is not Kingsley's concern."

"I know" she sighed, "but maybe if I don't think about our problem it will go away."

Albus chuckled. "persevere my child; he just wants to know if you want to stay in contact."

"if it's his wish I would like nothing better… I owe him that at least."

"where are you planning to stay this summer?"

She shrugged, "Albus I have not thought that far ahead, all my hopes are resting on poor Severus at this moment."

"Well he has been locked in the dungeon all week working on some marvellous concoction, so I am reassured you have good reason to be hopeful."

"that man is a saint."

Albus chuckled again, "I have heard him be called other things, but never a saint."

"A rude, arrogant, socially inadequate saint then" Serena smiled.

"indeed, you have grown close, the two of you?"

"he's a good friend. I'd trust Severus with my life."

"you have known him not even a year."

"I know" she smiled, "and yet I trust him more than I trust people I have known my whole life."

When Serena had retired to bed later that night, Albus sat up long into the darkness, thinking. Severus seemed infatuated by this young girl, he would never say it or acknowledge it to anyone else, yet Albus could see the signs.

In Albus' mind they were perfect, yet her heart lay with another…

'Life isn't fair' he reminded himself.


	20. Chapter 19

It was two weeks afterwards when Severus called Serena to his office.

He had to be careful- he did not want to give her false hope. He talked casually with her yet despite her occlumency being improved greatly he could still tell there was something on her mind.

"what's wrong?" he said, frowning as he mixed the potion he had been working on for weeks.

"nothing's wrong" she said, trying to smile at him from the other side of the room. She put the book she had been reading back on the shelf and strolled over to him. "okay, something's wrong…"

"obviously."

Serena smiled slightly at his sarcasm. "it's just… I'm fighting an inward battle about wanting to know stuff and knowing it's none of my business. But I figured I may as well ask, and you can either tell me to go to hell or just tell me the answer. I… I was talking to Albus last week and, we were talking about stuff and… I got the impression that there was someone… on his mind, if you understand me… has he lost someone? Has he ever been married or been… in love?"

Severus stirred his potion slowly as he pondered her wonderings- it had turned the golden caramel colour as he had hoped. He poured some of it into a glass vile, corked it and put it into his pocket.

"Albus… would prefer it to be kept private."

Serena nodded understandingly.

"however… I am sure he would not mind you asking him… would you like a drink?" he added.

"er, yeah sure" she said slightly bewildered by his sudden manners and subject change.

He went into the kitchen and made her a cup of milky tea- adding the potion he had made and stirring it in, making sure she could not see. He went back into the classroom and handed it to her.

He cleared up his cauldron, watching from the corner of his eye as she drank it slowly.

He was still not sure how to test it had worked. He could either risk exposing himself and kiss her or cause her pain. He couldn't risk it, he couldn't… she would understand.

"You know you just said it would be better if Albus told me himself?" she said, watching him.

"yes."

"well… he mentioned something about… you…"

Severus remained silent- he had to use her words as a way to get angry at her.

"I… I'm sorry that she died…"

"I don't want your pity! And neither does she!" he said sharply, spinning around to face her. "dammit I've had enough of you- trying to understand everyone!"

"you know everything about my life!" she said, bewildered by his reaction.

"and I wish I didn't! You think you'll be happy- going back to Kingsley? You're wrong- he'll use you, dammit how much is he paying you?"

"shut the fuck up" she said quietly, narrowing her eyes.

"let's be honest Serena it's pretty likely he's not paying you much- judging by those photos you give it away."

"shut the fuck up Severus" she said advancing towards him. "don't you talk about me like-"

"like what? Like a cheap little whore? That's what you are though isn't it-"

"fuck you!" she shouted at him, livid.

"I've seen it in your head! How many men did you sleep with to try and get over him!"

"don't you dare!" she screamed.

"how many!" he shouted, "and how many more did Kingsley sleep with to try and get the filthy taste of you out of his mouth-"

That was it- those words did it- Serena punched him in the right eye, her fist hit him hard and he staggered back slightly, feeling the rocket of pain.

He cursed under his breath, pressing a hand to his eye. "god dammit I didn't realise it'd get to that" he muttered, wincing as he tried to open his eye.

Serena was staring at him looking so angry and confused. "calm down" he said, trying to open his eye. "and look around you- nothing is on fire, ice cold, broken or moved- you controlled your subconscious without even realising it."

"what?" she said distracted, looking around. Severus was right. "but… I was so angry, usually-"

"I know you were angry, I felt it" Severus winced. "I've been working on a potion for the past fortnight- I put it in your tea."

"so that's why it tasted like crap. But… does that mean… does this mean that..?" there was hope in her voice- he could hear it building as though she was just daring to believe his words were true.

"yes" he said, his hand over his now black eye. "it means the potion will keep your emotions at bay in your subconscious. You will no longer have this problem- you are… safe."

"you've- I'm- but- you're saying I'm… normal? I'm-"

Severus nodded and she screamed in happiness, running to him and flinging her arms around his neck. He held her to him, a little overwhelmed but happy to be part of her passion and joy- and to be the cause of it.

"Oh Severus, fuck I love you! You saved me- you've done all this for me and… oh thank you, thank you so much." She hugged him tightly, grinning foolishly. "this means I won't hurt anyone?"

"you blasted hurt me" he muttered.

She drew back immediately, "oh shit I'm so sorry. Here-" She took out her wand to heal him but he shook his head, turning his face away.

"I'll do it-"

"don't you trust me?" she pouted through her smile.

He sighed, "fine."

She cast a spell on his eye and the pain and swelling left. "you'll need some cream to get rid of the bruise, I'm sorry…"

He nodded, "I have some. Quite a punch" he smiled.

She beamed at him. "but all that you said just now…"

He shook his head, "I just needed to raise your emotional levels, I figured you would rather me make you angry than… well…" he cleared his throat and she laughed.

"I'm not so sure" she winked. "oh but Severus I shall be forever in your debt, I- dammit I'm so lucky I know you." She squeezed his hand, her happiness was so strong she failed to feel the regret from Severus- the regret that now she was fine she would go back to Kingsley, and inevitably…

"I… I have some things to attend to, just for now, but I can come back in the morning, I promise you."

Severus nodded curtly, knowing exactly what her things were.

She hugged him again and kissed him on the lips.

It was a friendly kiss but Severus imagined it was not.

"I…" Serena trailed off, unable to put her happiness and gratefulness into words. "Severus" she said smiling before turning and running to the door.

He heard her run up the steps and he couldn't help it- he grabbed his invisibility cloak and followed her. He hurried up the steps after her, silencing his footsteps. She went exactly where he had predicted- Kingsley's room.

She banged on the door heavily, hopping from one foot to the other with excitement. Severus waited further up the empty corridor, dreading what happened next. The door opened and Serena jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs tightly around his waist. Severus saw Kingsley's arms around her waist, holding her to him tightly.

"Kingsley's I'm cured" she gasped, breathless. "Severus cured me, oh fuck…I'm free!"

Kingsley kissed her firmly on the lips and Severus scowled under the cloak, but he did not look away. Her eyes were closed, her hands knotted tightly around his neck, determined not to let him go.

"babey I love you" Kingsley murmured. "and I want you so much."

"right now?" she pouted in a seductive tone that Severus had never heard her use before. He shivered slightly as a jolt of pleasure shot through his body.

"right now."

"can't think of anything better to do" Serena said, shrugging nonchalantly, a delighted look on her face.

She giggled as Kingsley span her around and kicked the door behind them, pressing their lips together.

Severus leant against the wall, his eyes shut. He couldn't get her voice out of his head, it was almost impossible for someone to make him feel this way, so… aroused and alive… and yet it was hopeless. She was in another room, with another man. She didn't want Severus; she didn't even look at him…

* * *

**R&R ! **


	21. Chapter 20

When Serena came to find Severus that next morning, he felt physically sick. He turned his back on her when she danced into the room so she could not see his angry glare.

"hey hero" she smirked, shutting the door.

"I was just doing my job" he replied in a smooth voice, risking a glance at her radiant face.

He thought he saw her smile falter for a second and he sighed. "I'm glad you're happy."

She smiled from the obvious antithesis between his sulky tone and his words. "you ok?" she asked, watching him closely.

He nodded curtly. "I have prepared a full vial of your potion- however it will have to be replenished by me every two weeks. It has to be taken fresh."

"that's… really kind of you, Severus."

"just doing my-"

"-job" she finished for him, smiling.

He took the vial from his cupboards and set it on a desk, "don't forget it."

She nodded.

"I need to test some of your functions to check for side affects- sit," he said, indicating to the desk. As she walked past him he scowled: she smelt of Kingsley's cigars and spicy odour.

He pulled up a chair opposite her, as he had done for months as they tried to unlock the solution to her problem. Today, however, Severus did not get the thrill of being close to her- it felt different, it felt… wrong…

She wasn't his- she could never be his and would never want to- she belonged to Kingsley now and he had to accept that.

He had lied awake all night, staring at the ceiling and thinking about her. There was a voice in the back of his head- a small, evil thought that was nagging his conscience. He could end it. He could tell her that the potion wouldn't work- he could say her body would get used to it and it wouldn't function properly anymore, she would believe him, of course she would- she trusted him. She would be 'dangerous' again and she would have to leave Kingsley…

Severus shook his head and cleared his mind- he was being ridiculous- she was happy with Kingsley- that much was obvious. And even if she did finish Kingsley, she would never look at Severus like that… would she?

"look at the ceiling" he muttered, tracing his wand in front of her face, testing her eyesight. "down to the floor… straight at me…"

He stopped his wand for a moment and took the opportunity just to gaze into her warm brown eyes… they seemed to sparkle with happiness, as though a whole other world was contained within them!

He cleared his throat and mind again and continued with the spell, trying to ignore her eyes looking into his own so passionately.

"give me your hand" he muttered, holding out his own. He took her soft wrist in his hand and took her pulse.

"Severus…"

"Serena" he said in a slightly harsher voice than he intended.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

"I am always alright Serena."

He risked another glance into her eyes, but once he had made contact with them he could not look away.

"will you come into Hogsmeade tonight? There's a few of us going I think. It'd mean a lot to me if you came…"

"I'll see if I'm busy" he muttered, although he had not intention of going at all.

"great" she said softly, aware her hand was still clasped in his slightly sweaty palm.

Severus seemed to realise to and he stood up suddenly, "you're fine, there are no side affects- although I would advise you to not drink alcohol for the first few days."

"no problem."

She seemed to realise he was dismissing her and she took the vial of potion from the desk. "thank you for… everything, Severus. I mean it- with all my heart…"

"you may want to continue with occlumency- just once a week," he said before he could stop himself.

"that'd be great" she smiled, her eyes lighting up, "shall I see you Friday then?"

He nodded and she smiled at him before leaving.

"Serena?" he blurted out suddenly as she reached the door.

She spun to him smiling questioningly but he shook his head, loosing his nerve; "doesn't matter."

When she had gone he slammed the door after her and kicked out at one of the tables, snapping the leg clean in two. "goddamit!" he cursed angrily. Why was everything in his life so messed up!

After his morning lessons he went to see Albus in his office. "Serena is now… safe." he muttered, flinging himself into the seat opposite Albus' desk.

"well try to look more cheerful about it" Albus said, the hint of a smile on his lips.

Severus maintained a stony silence.

"well well Severus, have you come to enjoy the girls company?"

"I was just doing my job" he uttered through gritted teeth.

"then why the sudden change in mood, my boy?"

"I don't understand you."

"you seem… unhappy about it…"

"when have I ever been happy about anything Albus!" Severus almost shouted, standing up and striding to the window, his back to Dumbledore.

He did not hear Albus approach him until he felt his hand on his shoulder.

"hope is not yet lost, my boy."

"I don't know what you're talking about Albus."

"of course not… is Serena continuing with occlumency?"

"I believe so."

"at your request?"

"actually she suggested it" Severus lied, "and I did not want to hurt her feelings by refusing."

"ah, because you are always so considerate about feelings…"

Severus remained silent.

"she holds you as a great friend, Severus."

"then she's a fool."

"aren't you both?"


	22. Chapter 21

"Just one more minute," Serena said, trying not to show her disappointment as her eyes lingered on the dark steps to the dungeons.

She was standing in the entrance hall, her hand glued in Kingsley's, who was gently stroking her fingers with his thumb.

"Serena, Severus is never late, he's probably got marking to do or something…" Remus said softly in her ear and she nodded reluctantly, turning away from the steps.

"come on then."

She had organised a celebratory drink in the Three Broomsticks and they had all agreed to meet at seven in the entrance hall, however at ten past Severus had still not arrived, and she was inclined to recognise he was simply not coming.

She cast all thoughts of him to the back of her mind and glanced up at Kingsley at her side. He was watching her too, smiling slightly. "So tell us when this happened?" Remus said, grinning as he strolled along at the side of them as they walked down the castle drive.

"yes do tell! We've all been waiting for this moment for weeks!" Minerva smiled.

Kingsley laughed his deep, rich laugh. "It sounds odd, but we owe everything to Snape, he's found a potion to help Serena keep control of her emotion…"

"Gosh, Severus the hero!" Minerva smirked, "I'm sure if he'd known it would have such a soppy and delightful outcome he never would have bothered."

"I'm pretty sure he knew" Serena said, quickly defending him. "but Albus gave him the job- and Albus pays his wages so…"

"I've asked a friend from work to meet us tonight, I hope you don't mind?" Kingsley murmured in her ear.

"I don't think I'd have minded if you'd invited your entire department" she smiled. "I don't think I could mind anything you do."

"pass me the bucket" Remus muttered, earning a friendly slap from Serena.

"are you going to be this soppy and disgusting all evening?" he chuckled.

"yes, just to annoy you" she pouted, winking at Kingsley.

They all crammed around a small table in the Three Broomsticks, Kingsley buying Firewhiskey for everyone. Kingsley's work friend arrived shortly afterwards, and in turn she had brought someone too. "everyone this is Nymphadora Tonks, most of you know her I think."

A young, pretty woman with a heart-shaped face and round sparkling eyes beamed at everyone, obviously used to the eyes that flickered straight up to her brilliant blue hair.

"is this Serena?" she asked Kingsley excitedly, practically dancing from one foot to the other. Kingsley nodded and Tonks squealed and threw her into a hug. "it is so great to finally meet the person that makes Kingsley so damn happy!"

Serena laughed and her eyes flickered briefly to Kingsley's soft smile.

Her eyes then went to the man Tonks had brought with her- who was now hugging Remus and laughing with him.

"this is Sirius Black" Remus said to her; the foolish grin on his face making him look years younger than he actually was.

"we went to school together" Sirius explained, "we're good friends…"

He shook Serena's hand and pulled up a stool in between Tonks and Remus, the latter of whom he struck up a conversation with immediately.

Serena learned that Sirius worked in the Department of Magical Games and Sports, in charge of Quidditch organisation and regulations. "basically, I get to see all the games for free" he joked. Serena spent half her night laughing with him- he was one of those people who was easy to know, always making jokes and buying more drinks.

Tonks [Serena learned quickly she was known by her last name only] worked with Kingsley as an auror, and her hair colour changed constantly throughout the hours. As they all stood up to leave a few hours later she knocked over almost all of the glasses, but all of them were too drunk to notice- even Serena who had forgotten Severus' advice about not drinking.

At three in the morning she staggered out of bed and into the bathroom, clutching her stomach and only just making it to the toilet, over which she collapsed and vomited the remains of the night's Firewhiskey.

Kingsley hurried in after her, pressing a cold flannel to her forehead and holding back her hair. If her throat hadn't been red roar and her stomach feeling as though it had been turned inside out, she might have smiled at him comforting her. This was how they were supposed to be- this was what they'd had before. She needed him to protect her; he would always look after her and make her better.

As the sun rose, she was still lying on the bathroom floor in her pyjamas. Kingsley sat next to her, holding her hand and dabbing her face with the cold towel whilst murmuring words of comfort.

"babey I'm going to go and get Snape, he'll know what to do-"

"no, Snape will kill me" she mumbled. "he'll say it's my own fault- I should have listened to him."

"well it's too late for that, look you can't lie here all day- I'll be back in two minutes I promise."

He kissed her fingers and hurried down to Snape's office, knocking loudly on the door, aware it was very early in the morning. It took five minutes for Severus to open the door, and despite the early hour he was dressed in his usual black robes, seemingly wide awake.

He glared at Kingsley when he realised he had been disturbed for him.

"yes?" he snarled, keeping the door only half open, contributing to the message of 'get lost' he was so good at conveying.

"Serena's been throwing up all night- is there a potion she can have?"

Severus scowled again. "has she been drinking alcohol?"

"Yes, we were at the pub last night-"

"then she's an idiot" Severus snapped, moving to shut the door.

Kingsley blocked it with his foot. "Snape she can't be throwing up all day, she's got work this afternoon!"

Snape glared once more and then summoned his potions bag and followed Kingsley swiftly up the steps in an uncomfortable silence.

When he entered her bathroom he felt his heart stutter. She was lying on the tiled floor in a long t-shirt and tiny pink hot pants. His eyes grazed hungrily up her tanned legs and tight shirt. She scowled up at him when she saw his eyes and he snapped from his daze, his anger returning.

"Miss Lake, did you think that I had ordered you not to drink alcohol to prohibit your amusement last night?" he said in a low voice, his tone mutinous.

"No _Professor,_ but I, unlike you, do not have a photographic memory, and can not recall exactly every miraculous word you utter," she said in a fierce, yet hoarse voice.

"symptoms?" he growled.

"can't stop throwing up, I feel as though my head is splitting in two and I'm uncomfortably hot" she muttered, twisting her head restlessly.

"she's been like this since about three" Kingsley said, almost making Severus jump; he had forgotten they were not alone as usual.

He pulled small vials from his bag and mixed them, muttering incantations and swirling them with his wand.

"drink" he said, forcing the small vial into her sweaty hand.

She gulped it down, puling a face at the unpleasant taste, and then at Severus who was still scowling at her.

"what are you glaring at?" she spat, trying to sit up.

"your idiocy" he retorted, packing his back up and standing up.

"where are you going? My head is still killing me" she cried as he turned to leave.

"something I'm sure you are used to, most commonly referred to as a hang-over. good day."

Serena scowled at his back as he left, her annoyance only leaving her as Kingsley pulled her into a gentle hug.


	23. Chapter 22

Friday evening seemed to arrive quicker than normal for Serena, whose joyous days had been whizzing past. She spent every evening with Kingsley- as though they were desperately trying to make up the time they had lost in those years apart.

She would get knowing looks from Remus if he ever saw them emerging from her quarters together, and even the students had worked out the cause for the sudden change in mood. She was finally happy- her life had clicked together like the pieces of a jigsaw, and the hard work she had put in trying to learn occlumency and keeping in control of her emotions seemed worth it.

"Sev-er-us?" she called in a sing-song voice, pushing his door open and looking around his empty office. He emerged from the kitchen rolling his left sleeve down, an action that did not go missed by Serena.

"is everything ok?" she said, her tone suddenly more serious. "your mark-"

"everything is fine, and if it wasn't it is none of your business."

Serena raised her eyebrows at him and then shut the door. As she approached Severus she shot her hand out and touched his fingers.

"ouch you're angry" she said lightly, but deep down she was concerned- even if Severus would never admit it- they had become close friends and she didn't like to see him so stressed.

Severus glared at her. "do you think you can keep your hands to yourself?"

"look if this is about the other morning, I'm sorry- I was rude, and if it's about something more serious then don't you want to talk about it?"

"Miss Lake, this is not a counselling session- this is me teaching you occlumency" he said sharply.

"fine, then cut the 'miss lake' crap or I'll start calling you Snape," she glared at him angrily- why was he trying to put this space between them again?

"clear your mind" he muttered after a long pause.

Serena tried but her anger and confusion was still mulling around in her head. "I can't-"

"focus!" he snapped, drawing his wand. "legilimens!"

Serena staggered backwards by the force of his spell. She focussed her mind, her brain every ounce of strength she had within her, and still she only managed to keep him out for less than ten seconds.

She swore as her thoughts and memories flooded her head- kingsley, kingsley, kingsley- and then Severus withdrew his wand, watching as she staggered slightly and then scowled at him, panting slightly.

He turned his back on her for a moment as he tried to regain control of the raging jealousy within him.

"I can't do it" she muttered.

"can't or won't?" he snapped turning back to her.

"what do you mean by that?"

"you've had your result- you've got the potion-"

"I'm not wasting your time- I need to learn this!"

"then try a little harder, again!"

Serene braced herself, shutting her eyes tightly and yet she was not prepared for the strengthened spell he sent at her. He breached her defence in seconds and she witnessed herself sitting on Kingsley's lap the previous night.

Again, Severus withdrew his wand- he didn't want to see her and Kingsley dammit! He wanted to see his own face- just one sign that she had been thinking of him.

"you're not trying!" he growled.

"I'm trying my fucking hardest! You're being too strong for me!"

"do you think the death eaters will go easy on you?"

"they're not here right now!" she shouted, "or have you changed sides again!"

There was a flash of light and a bang and she was thrown back into the stone wall, her head making a cracking noise on the hard surface. She swore and squinted through her narrowed eyes- Severus had gone into his living quarters- the door slammed behind him.

She staggered to her feet and used her wand to heal the cut on the back of her head and then she shut her eyes, pressing her face into the cool stone. There was something not right with Severus… but she was his friend and if he wouldn't tell her what was wrong then she'd have to respect that…

She walked slowly over to his kitchen and knocked on the door gently; wincing from the dizziness that short walk had produced.

When there was no answer she opened it slowly, and then walked through to see Severus lying on the sofa in the living room, a book in his hand. She summoned a chair from the dining table and sat opposite him.

"I'm sorry. That was… out of order… and I didn't mean it anyway…"

Severus remained silent but his book snapped shut.

She tried again; "I guess… I see you as my friend Severus and I don't like to see you like this…"

"like what?" he suddenly said sharply, sitting up.

"unhappy."

"and when, do you think, have I ever been happy?"

She paused for a long moment. "…I think you've been happier than you are right now."

He remained silent again, looking at the book shelves straight ahead.

"do you want to talk about anything?"

He glared at her and then answered with a curt, "no."

"then can I come back next Friday for occlumency?"

He nodded once, watching her from the corner of his eye as she left.

It was killing him- it was Lily and Potter all over again! Except here, he was the cause of it! He had gotten them back together!

"dammit Severus" he muttered aloud to the room. "pull yourself together."


	24. Chapter 23

_Serena,_

_will you consent to spending Saturday evening at my house with me?_

_I have a surprise for you,_

_K._

_Do you even need an answer? _

_I'll see you Saturday._

_S._

As the sun was setting that late summer's night, Serena linked her fingers through her lover's and they apparated together into the darkness.

Kingsley lived on the edge of London in a newly built apartment by the river. "it's beautiful" Serena grinned as they appeared on his balcony, overlooking the rippling water below.

"Tonks made me move… she said it wasn't good to stay somewhere surrounded by memories like that" he said in a low voice, following her gaze to the noiseless boats drifted across the river.

"she was probably right" Serena said quietly.

"I… I kept your things- the ones you left- if yous till want them? They're in a box in my wardrobe; I thought maybe you might come back for them."

"maybe I'll have a look through them, and then we'll get rid of everything else together. new start, okay?"

He smiled and put his arm around her. "I'll show you around."

He slid back the glass panel behind him and led her into a large open plan sitting area and kitchen. It looked much like a modern muggle household- even having a large widescreen television- but Serena noticed images on the walls of Quidditch players and wizard rock stars. Spell books and auror training programs were spread over the coffee table and a small brown owl flew across the room and out of the doors behind them.

He pulled her through the modern kitchen, where pans and plates were moving busily about the kitchen by magic, and into the dining room. She gasped when she saw it- the curtains were drawn and there were candles floating in the air, casting a soft glow upon them. Kingsley had set the table for the two of them, a single flower was changing colour in a small glass vase in the centre.

She looked at Kingsley wordlessly but he shook his head and smiled at her. And then- as though she was reliving her dreams and fantasies-he took her hand and knelt down on one knee, producing a silver diamond ring from his robes.

Serena's mouthed dropped open and curved into a delighted grin, blushing furiously as she gazed down into the chocolate eyes beneath her.

"Serena Venus Lake: will you marry me?"

She squealed with happiness, "yes" she managed with a laugh, and he slipped the ring onto her finger, scooping her up in his arms and kissing her deeply, both of them smiling against each other.

"I love you" he said, his deep voice vibrating against her chest.

"I love you" she echoed, kissing him tenderly and running her fingers into his short hair.

"the food's going cold" he teased after a moment, and he drew back her chair before sitting opposite her himself.

She admired the ring on her left hand. "kingsley it's beautiful- it must have been so expensive!"

"you're worth every penny" he smiled, taking her hand on the table.

They ate with very few words between them- just gazing at each other and smiling was enough.

"will you come and live with me this summer?" he murmured softly when they were finished and were lying on the sofa together.

"I'd love to" she smiled at him, her head on his chest.

"then I'd best install a fire alarm."

She pushed him playfully and smiled reproachfully at his joke, but he kissed his way up her neck and gently nibbled her bottom lip before kissing her very lightly.

"you haven't shown me the bedroom yet."

* * *

Serena awoke to the sound of birds early the next morning and blinked in the light, trying to remember where she was. She lifted her hand to swipe the hair from her face and smiled as she saw the glinting ring resting on her finger.

"morning Mrs Shacklebolt" a deep voice murmured.

She laughed lightly, glancing sideways at Kingsley who was leaning on his elbows next to her, trailing his fingers along her flat stomach.

"Serena Shacklebolt" she contemplated. "hmm, that will sound nice."

"sibilance is always a winner" he said softly, running his fingertips over her breasts and up to her lips. She closed her eyes contently.

"you are so beautiful" he whispered in her ear.

"mm, I've been told" she said, nuzzling against his hand.

He lay closer to her and she trailed her fingers this time down his chest, unable to keep from looking in such wonder at his toned body. "I love that you're an auror" she smiled cheekily, planting kissing down his muscley chest and down his stomach that was vibrating with his laughter.

"and what have you put these back on for?" she teased, toying with the band of his white boxers and licking her lips suggestively.

"So that I can watch you remove them," was his smooth reply.

* * *

**Reviews Please!**


	25. Chapter 24

"Severus, I assume this is not a social visit?" Albus smiled as the young man shut the door and slumped into a seat across the desk.

"my mark" Severus muttered, getting to the point. "it's getting darker- the others have noticed."

Albus sat up straight in his chair and the smile vanished from his face. "who?"

"They whisper- Lucius found me- if you remember he trusts me greatly."

"and?"

"the tension is building- no one is sure what to think, but the signs are all there! How can this be Albus?"

"I warned you Severus- and Harry's protection is going to be more important than ever right now."

"Potter is not my main concern at this moment-"

"-you promised-"

"and I do not go back on my word Albus, but the death eaters are reforming- they're looking at stirring the calm, getting their message out- Lucius talks about invading Hogsmeade."

"Hogsmeade?"

"they want to remind people they're still here- a wizarding village is the best place to evoke havoc."

"when?"

"soon."

Albus stood up and paced around his office scratching his head thoughtfully.

"will you join them Severus?" he looked curiously at the man who looked offended at his question.

"my loyalty lies with you Albus" he said as though it was obvious. "do you doubt me?"

"of course not my boy, I meant will you join them on the day?"

"I don't know. If we are fighting them then I can't risk getting involved. If he is returning- as you say he is- I need to keep a strong cover."

"how many?"

"not many, they don't believe it's happening- and most are in Azkaban."

"we shall be ready- but not too many of us- we need to make it subtle so they don't accuse you of warning us Severus."

Albus summoned parchment and a quill and retook his seat at his desk, quickly writing out notes in his italic scrawl.

"I see you address one note to Kingsley and Serena" Severus said, his tone bitter.

"is now really the time Severus?" Albus sighed, glancing at his troubled face.

"you just seem to be under the impression that they spend every second of every day together-"

"they are in love, Severus, and they have only just come together again."

"it makes me feel physically sick" he said sulkily as Albus called Fawkes his golden phoenix, who took the letters in his beak and disappeared in a flash of fire.

"that, my boy, is jealousy."

"don't be ridiculous Albus" Severus snapped.

There was a flash of gold and a piece of parchment floated down to the desk, followed shortly after by another and then another.

As Albus read the notes Severus strode across the room and went to the window, staring out at the few students sitting on the grass far below.

Serious things were happening- things that scared even him- and yet the main problem on his mind at the moment was Serena…

Maybe if he'd have told her before they had completed the potion… it was just words after all… if he'd have told her his kisses meant something different than she thought… perhaps it would have been him spending nights with her; him strolling through the grounds at night hand in hand with her; him kissing her cherry lips…

"they'll be here in five minutes" Albus' voice awoke him from his daydream.

"what have you told them?"

"I shall explain when they arrive."

Albus conjured a few grand looking, high back oak chairs and Severus sat on one looking tired.

"Everyone goes through it, my boy" Albus said, taking pity on Severus.

"then why do I suffer it twice Albus?" he said harshly.

"you will be rewarded" Albus replied, although he knew Serena was happy with Kingsley.

At that moment there was a knock on the door and Remus entered, followed closely by Minerva.

Remus nodded at Severus, who responded with a scowl, the bad mood still washing over him.

"A problem Albus?" Minerva said, taking a seat next to Severus.

"I shall explain when everyone is here Minerva."

They waited in silence until Tonks and Dawlish showed up, shortly followed by Sirius.

Severus stood up sharply when he walked in, knocking his chair back with a bang. "what's he doing here?" he snapped, looking accusingly from Albus to Black, his fingers itching to close around his wand.

"I was invited, Snivellus."

Severus drew his wand in a flash, but Albus was quicker, casting a shield charm between them before either had managed to stutter a curse.

"civility is all I ask" he said calmly, watching the two closely. "you are united by a common enemy, now put aside your differences and sit down." He removed the shield charm and the tension in the room thickened as they both slowly lowered themselves to their seats, their eyes not moving from each other.

Their silence resumed until they could hear laughter from below. Severus recognised it as Serena and his scowled intensified.

The door opened and Kingsley entered, Serena close behind him.

"sorry we're late" Serena said, smiling at Albus, who chuckled softly.

"sit down my child."

Serena sat on the chair next to Severus with Kingsley on her other side.

"hey" she whispered to Severus, who did not reply. He guessed their argument on Friday had been forgotten.

"I apologise for calling you here today, but there has been a turn in events. Death Eaters are talking- they want to remind us that they are still here, they are taking action."

"why now?" Remus said, frowning.

"they have reason to believe Voldemort is strengthening."

"but he's gone!" Tonks cried, her hair changing to black as she spoke.

"by believe- you mean their dark marks are darkening don't you?" Sirius started.

"I do."

"come on then Snivellus, get it out we know how proud you are of-"

The curse Severus shot at him was deflected just in time by a hasty flick of Sirius' wand and it rebounded and hit a silver instrument behind Remus' head. As Sirius went to strike back, three shield charms broke out between them- and they both froze. Serena, Albus and Remus all had their wands drawn.

"what's going on?" Serena cried, looking between the two of them.

"you all know he's a death eater don't you?" Sirius sneered.

"the mangy dog was just leaving" Severus said in a murderous tone.

"gentlemen" Albus said speaking over them rather firmly. "I don't want to ask either of you to leave."

The two wands were slowly lowered and the charms between them were withdrawn.

"the death eaters plan to attack Hogsmeade" Severus said in a smooth tone. "do you plan to join them like your brother Black, or are you joining us in fighting them?"

"Hogsmeade?" Remus interrupted, putting a hand on Sirius' arm to silence him. "why Hogsmeade?"

"it's a wizarding village and they wish to make an impression" Severus answered.

"when?"

"anytime in the next few weeks."

"then we shall be ready!" Minerva cried.

"Severus will try to get some more information- I shall inform you all when I know" Albus said.

Remus stood up to leave but Kingsley interrupted them. "actually, we'd like to make an announcement, seeing as our friends are here now."

He pulled a smiling Serena up next to him and linked his fingers through hers. "we're engaged."

They were swamped with many cries of congratulations and hugs and kisses, but Serena did not miss Severus slipping out of the door behind them. She finished hugging Remus and then turned to Kingsley. "I'll meet you in my office later", before leaving too.

He had already disappeared but she walked down to the dungeons and knocked lightly on the door.

"enter."

He was scribbling furiously in a book behind his desk and snapped it shut when she entered.

"hey" she said casually, shutting the door.

"I suppose I should congratulate you."

"you should" she nodded, "but I don't think you want to."

"how very observant you are" he said in a sarcastic drawl, leaning back in his chair.

"you don't like Kingsley?"

"not particularly."

"then why don't you pour me a glass of Firewhiskey and we can talk about something else."

"I'm not in the mood to be sociable," he scowled.

"neither am I" she said humouring him.

There was a long pause and then Severus spoke with false contempt in his voice; "pour your own glass of Firewhiskey. I'm not your slave."

She smiled and strode into his kitchen, emerging with two glasses and a large bottle of the liquid. She poured them both good measures and Severus reluctantly emerged from behind his desk and sat opposite her on a stool.

"is your mark darker?" she asked quietly.

He nodded.

"he's returning, isn't he?"

"Albus is certain."

"and you?"

"I don't want to believe it."

"you'd have to turn spy again?"

He nodded.

"you're a brave man Severus" she sipped at her drink, the warmth spreading to her fingertips quickly.

"Hogsmeade is going to be dangerous, perhaps you should stay here and-"

"Severus, I can duel well."

"that's not the-"

"I can duel well even without a wand, never mind with one!"

"if Bellatrix found you-"

"I'd give her a piece of my mind" Serena grinned.

"don't joke about it."

"Severus, stop worrying."

He was silent.

"so what's your vendetta against Sirius about?"

"I don't trust that dog."

"you don't trust anybody- why specifically don't you like him? You were at school together right?"

"correct."

"and you hated each other then?"

"correct."

"Severus, with all due respect; that was a long time ago."

His bottom lip twitched almost into a smile.

"the older the wiser" he replied.

She laughed, "of course."

"so go on then- how did he ask you?" Severus grumbled, his curiosity getting the better of him.

"the traditional way."

Severus rolled his eyes and she laughed.

"shouldn't you be celebrating?" he muttered, tipping back his dink and wincing as it hit his throat.

"we already have" she said, her voice laced with euphemism.

He glanced up at her, a disgusted look on his face. She laughed, "you asked the question Severus."

"indeed I did" he sighed, filling both their glasses. "what are you doing this summer?"

"again, you ask all the wrong questions Severus" she smiled at him, "Kingsley has asked me to live with him, in London."

"and shall you?"

"yes, his apartment is almost perfect."

"almost?"

"he has no garden" she replied shrugging.

"I'm sure if you have a sudden urge to… be in a garden, he shall apparate you to wherever you wish."

"I'm sure he shall. You live in London too, do you not?"

"the dodgy end."

She laughed, "by choice?"

He nodded once and drunk again.

"but surely you're loaded with money? Albus pays generously."

"indeed."

"then what do you spend it on?"

"I save it" he said, which was only partly true; half was stored in Gringotts, the other half was used to buy women and satisfy his needs.

He looked down at his hands, ashamed of his thoughts.

"I shall miss you this summer Severus" she said matter-of-factly.

"it is hard not to" he said dryly, smiling slightly when she laughed.

"I have to go, but I'll see you about this week probably" she said, standing up.

He walked to the door with her.

"thanks for the drink" she smiled.

"congratulations" he said quietly, avoiding her eye contact. He was only saying it because he had seen she was happy- happier than he had ever seen her.

"thank you" she said sincerely, frowning at him curiously before leaving.

* * *

**Author's Note: the plot thickens! muhahahaha. tell me what you think- your views, theories and hopes for our favourite dark wizard :D **


	26. Chapter 25

Severus was done. He was done trying to chase the damn girl, he was done having his damn heart broken, and he was done with trying.

He walked swiftly through the narrow alleyways, squinting through the dark under the hood of his black cloak.

He was doing the right thing- he had decided that this 'attraction' he felt to Serena was just to her body. It had started when he'd seen them photos of her modelling and her desire to wear as little clothes as often, especially in the hot summer, had continued his fascination with her curves… that was all it was- a fascination- _lust. _

Why hadn't he thought of this before! it had been so long since he'd had a women- Christmas, he remembered, a small woman with pale skin and too much red lipstick…

He slipped through the doorway at the side of the alley and walked up to the receptionist- a middle aged squib with an orange face. She smiled at him as he approached, his face still in shadow from the hood over his black hair.

"what can I do for y'uh darlin'?" she said in a drawling voice, her long red nails tapping out a rhythm-less tune on the wood.

"an hour." he spoke with a dark voice, and dropped the money bag on the table. She opened it and her eyes widened at the sum of galleons within. She handed it back to him and led him through to another rectangular room, where girls dressed in next-to-nothing sat on tables and chairs- waiting for their night's work.

"take y'uh pick."

He eyed them closely, his eyes grazing along each one. too small… too old… too dark… too skinny…

His eyes lingered on the girl at the end, who was staring beneath his hood nervously. She was about a foot smaller than Severus; she was thin but with curves at her hips and tanned skin. He looked up at her face- her hair was blonde but she had blue eyes… damn, why weren't they brown?

"her." He pointed at the girl who whimpered and stood up shakily. The woman gave her a stern look and sent her up the narrow staircase, gesturing for Severus to follow her.

They arrived in a room Severus had used before- wooden floor, peeling wall paper, and a large double bed. At least it had been freshly made, he thought.

The girl sat on the edge of the bed and watched him through her ocean eyes apprehensively.

"have you been here before?" she asked softly, a slight London accent as she spoke.

"yes." he replied, removing his cloak.

The girl chewed her fingers and nodded to herself.

"I'm not paying you to sit there" he growled.

She jumped up and began removing her own clothes, but he stopped her, slapping her hands away. "I'll do it. Now don't speak," he added, pushing her onto the bed.

His eyes grazed over her again, she was almost perfect- almost. "shut your eyes."

"I don't want no funny business mister" she cried, looking frightened. "no knives or-"

"shut your eyes dammit!" he snapped, wrenching the cravat from around his neck and undoing his top button.

She shut her eyes and there… she could have been her sister. "Serena" he murmured, stroking the girl's cheek with the back of his hand, and leaning down to kiss her tenderly.

"that aint my name mister" she muttered, opening her eyes. He slapped her cheek harshly and she gasped, her hand going out to reach the red stinging patch of skin.

"it is now" he said in a murderous tone. "now shut your eyes or I'll make sure you never open them again."

She shut her eyes immediately, almost shaking beneath his rough kisses at her neck. He sucked at her skin- wanting to leave a mark- needing to leave a mark. "dammit Serena, you _will_ be mine" he whispered huskily, biting her shoulder and ignoring the jump of pain. "you _are_ mine, not his, _mine." _ He flattened his body onto hers, seizing her lips again firmly and forcing his tongue into her mouth. He moaned softly against her, "Serena" he whispered breathlessly between kisses. "please Serena, please."

"you love her, don't you?" the girl said softly, turning her face to the side, away from Severus' kiss.

Severus froze.

"I can feel it- you love her… do I look like her? is that why?" the girl opened her eyes into Severus' deep black depths.

He leant back slightly looking at her, his eyes moving past the suspenders and lace to her actual figure… she was exactly like Serena… except the eyes.

"she has brown eyes" he said hoarsely.

"I can shut my eyes again," the young girl's fingers reached up and brushed Severus' cheek.

"no" Severus stood up suddenly and walked away from the bed, hastily redoing his top buttons with trembling fingers.

"it's just physical" he said, more to himself than to her. "physical. lust. simple."

He heard the girl behind him and he turned sharply, his hands closing around the wood of his wand, but she was just holding his cravat. She reached up in her high heels and threaded it around his neck, keeping her eyes on his as she tied the knot.

"it's summer in two weeks" he said quietly. "some time away from her will do me good."

"why don't you go after her?" the girl asked, her hands lingering on Severus' chest.

"she's engaged… look this isn't important" he said suddenly. "I don't like her- I like her body, that's all there is."

"then why didn't you take me?"

Severus didn't know the answer. He picked up his cloak and moved away from the girl, opening the door. "goodbye."

"wait-" she cried, "your money-"

"keep it."

The girl opened the money bag curiously and gasped. With that amount of galleons the stranger could have bought his 'Serena' for the whole night.

She felt pity for the man, lost among his labyrinth.

Severus felt nothing, lost among the darkness.


	27. Chapter 26

Serena smiled contently, her fingers running down Kingsley's exposed torso down to the waistband of his jeans, and then back up again, past his toned stomach and up to his neck, tracing the line of his jaw and lingering on his lips. He shut his eyes and leant deeper into the back of the sofa, sighing.

Serena, who was sitting in his lap, watched him closely before planting a gentle kiss on his jaw.

"aren't you supposed to be marking papers?" Kingsley murmured.

"I am" she whispered, kissing the tender skin beneath his earlobe. "I'm grading your body."

"and?"

"it exceeds expectations" she teased.

"exceeds- you cheeky- I think it's time I did some marking!"

He lifted her shirt over her head and his eyes twinkled, his fingers running down the straps of her bra.

"troll" he concluded, earning a blow of a cushion from Serena.

He laughed, wrestling it away from her and kissing her lips. "outstanding" he murmured, his breath tingling against her wet bottom lip. "now we should run through your N.E.W.T exam…"

She giggled as he kissed his way down her chest, arching towards his touch, her eyes slipping out of focus until a flash of colour erupted in the middle of the room.

She felt as though the bottom had dropped out of her stomach- her heart skipped a beat- she felt as though her gut had been wrenched from her as she saw the orange flame and she tumbled from Kingsley's grasp, landing on the cold floor and springing to her feet, horror on her face.

"Serena, Serena, babe it's okay, it's okay- it's not fire, it's not…" Serena buried her face in his chest, inhaling his smoky smell in quick breaths as she calmed herself. She had been so sure it was fire, so sure she had somehow lost control or that the potion had ceased to work.

Kingsley kissed the top of her head and then knelt down to pick up the parchment that had been delivered by Fawkes the phoenix in a flash of golden flame.

"it's from Albus- they're here in Hogsmeade." He looked seriously to Serena whose relief was still present on her face.

"it's time" she said confidently.

They scrambled to get dressed properly, Kingsley fumbling with the buttons of his shirt and slipping on his shoes before he took Serena's hand, the both of them sprinting from her office and down the steps from the castle. They met Remus as they ran, his wand clasped in his hand, looking pale.

"why tonight dammit" he panted, "it's a damn full moon!"

"and we have tickets to see the Wyrd Sisters!" Serena said, almost laughing at how stupid that sounded compared to Remus' problem.

"come on, the quicker we get there the quicker we can get back, now save me a few death eaters won't you!"

Serena quickened her pace but as they approached the village Kingsley slowed her down and pulled her back as Remus ran on in front of them. He cupped her face in his large hands, breathing heavily.

"don't do anything dangerous, don't be reckless, look after yourself" he said firmly, his face close to hers.

"don't worry about me" she smiled, her hands running quickly up his chest to link around his neck. "I love you."

"I love you Serena… be careful." he kissed her lightly on the lips and then turned and was gone in a swirl of his cloak, running into the screams and flashes of green light beyond.

* * *

**Author's Note: Short chapter today- blame the football! thanks for reading and for all your support! reviews please!**


	28. Chapter 27

Serena sprinted behind the tiny shops and houses, pausing in an alleyway adjoining the main street where the fighting was happening. She could hear shouts and occasional screams and the constant swish of spells as wands duelled.

She kept her back to the wall and looked carefully around the corner, her wand clutched in her sweaty hand. There were death eaters- more than they had anticipated. All were dressed in black robes and hats with silver masks shielding their faces.

There was a sudden burst of light and the wall above her head cracked as a curse hit it, singing the top of her hair as she only just ducked in time. She swore and scrambled behind the wall quickly.

"come on Serena" she muttered to herself before leaping from behind it into the midst of the battle.

She immediately took up duelling a tall death eater who seemed to favour the cruciatus curse. She blocked it again and again, focussing on fighting and predicting his next movement. "who are you!" she spat as she sent a stunning spell that was only just deflected.

"your worst nightmare" he hissed, advancing towards her quickly, causing her to retreat- defending not attacking. She used her mind and the air to move the mask from his face, and in the moment of his confusion as to how she'd done it she hit him in the chest with a body binding curse. As he crashed to the floor, anti-dissaparition binds wound around him tightly.

"ah, Malfoy" she smiled cruelly as she stepped over him, not seeing the killing curse flying straight at her back.

The shield charm that erupted just in time did not come from her wand and she span around looking for her saviour wildly.

"watch your back" she heard an angry, yet invisible voice say beside her. She recognised the dangerous, authorative tone but could not reply immediately as she had to defend herself from the man who had come for a second go. She heard something fly past her arm, away from her and the death eater stopped in his tracks, lay down on the floor and kept still as the invisible wand bound him.

"did you just use an unforgivable curse Severus Snape?" she hissed, looking into thin air, but he was gone, and she hurried off to assist Sirius who was duelling two masked death eaters at once.

"this should be a sport! Sirius shouted as he duelled wildly beside her, but his distraction caused him to drop his guard and a curse hit him in the chest, flinging him backwards into the wall with an unpleasant cracking sound.

Serena was left with two death eaters quickly advancing her and she did what she found natural- stopping her spells and using the control in her mind to set them on fire. They both screeched and hopped as they tried to extinguish the flames, and then turned and disapparated when they failed.

Serena hurried over to Sirius who was groaning on the floor and she pulled him behind one of the buildings, out of harm.

"Sirius? can you hear me?"

He grumbled and tried to sit up but she pushed him firmly back down and took his hand in hers. She concentrated on his body, finding his injuries and taking them from him in her mind. She gasped as the pain hit her in those few seconds, her eyes squinting tightly but then the pain dissolved into nothing.

When she opened her eyes Sirius was sitting up, fully healed, looking at her in wonder.

"what the bloody hell was that?" he said, pulling her to her feet.

"I'm a telempath" she grinned before they both rushed out into the fight once more.

The death eaters slowly dwindled in number, most fleeing after a few were captured by them and the ministry aurors that had turned up. Serena had a few glances of Kingsley putting all his skills to use by cornering two death eaters at once, pride filling her.

When they had done all they could, Serena, Sirius and Minerva started to retreat back to the castle, leaving the 'cleaning up' to the others.

"we should make this an annual thing" Sirius laughed as he bounded up the drive, full of energy.

"aren't you a Black?" Serena said curiously.

"indeed."

"I thought they were for all the 'pure blood' shit- I'm sure my parents used to talk about a Lucretia Black?"

"ah, my dear aunt" he said bitterly. "they were for pure bloods- they saw anything else as filth- that's pretty much how they saw me when I got put in Gryffindor!"

"brave at heart" she smiled.

"indeed" he grinned foolishly as they walked up into the dark castle.


	29. Chapter 28

Serena was full of adrenalin as she and the others walked into Albus' office. "successful I believe Albus, we have captured a few- they're on their way to Azkaban right now." Minerva said, taking a seat and looking exhausted.

Albus stood up and came to them, grasping their hands in a welcome.

"are the others not back yet?" Serena asked, looking around at the empty office.

"not yet, my dear child you're bleeding."

Serena walked over to the foe glass, hanging on his wall and tried to see into it. She spotted blood trickling down her face from her temple and shut her eyes to heal it. At that moment the door opened.

"Severus!" she exclaimed turning to meet him.

Remus and Dawlish followed him into the room and shut the door.

Serena trained her eyes over their faces: they all looked grim. "where's Kingsley?" Serena said frowning, trying to look past Sirius.

"Headmaster, I need to speak with you." Severus spoke in a firm, flat voice and Serena noticed a silent, private conversation happening between him and Albus as they used legilimency to convey their thoughts.

"Severus?" she said, a slight edge to her voice. Why were they behaving so strangely? And where was Kingsley? Panic began to rise up inside of her and she pressed her question. "Where's Kingsley? Why isn't he back?"

Severus turned to face her, a sad regretful expression on his face.

"Kingsley isn't coming back."

He hated delivering these words to her, he hated himself for torturing her like this, why couldn't someone else tell her!

"wh-what do you mean he isn't coming back?" her voice was uncertain but she tried to smile as though it was a joke.

"Serena, I'm sorry, he didn't make it. Kingsley's dead." He spoke quietly, but forced himself to look at her so she could she the truth in his eyes.

"wh- what? No, you're lying!" Serena was outraged at his accusation. Kingsley was not dead!

"you- you sick liar, what the fuck are you playing at? You sick! YOU SICK FUCK! You think if you say Kingsley's gone I'll come running to you- is that it? What the fuck!" Serena drew her wand, screaming at Severus, anger and confusion boiling inside her. She felt all eyes on her, but all she saw were the dark depths of Severus' irises, like a tunnel she was tumbling down deeper and deeper.

"Serena, he went to check the hills…"

"no, no you're lying-"

Severus spoke over her protests in a louder voice. "Bellatrix was there, he wasn't expecting her, none of us were, and she was just too quick for him… the Avada Kedavra…"

"you're- no- no-" Serena felt as though she was falling. Falling from a building, from her dream, from her life. She waited for a landing, but nothing came, just emptiness, like a piece of her had been torn brutally away.

"no, no, no" she shook her head at him, turning her head to Remus for a contradiction. "he's, he's wrong he's lying, tell them Remus, tell them he's not dead, he can't-"

Remus shook his head, a pitiful expression on his face and Serena knew it was true. Tears began to pour down her face and she felt her knees weaken. She felt physically sick, she didn't know how to react and she leant against the wall for support.

"but, but he can't be because, because we've only just… he's only… fuck- fuck, he- he, you should have stopped him! Why didn't you stop him!"

She hit out at Severus' chest, pounding in fury but he grabbed her wrists with his hands tightly. She knew it should have hurt but she felt no physical pain, only this wrenching at her heart. She heard smashes of glass and knew things were freezing, but she could regain no control. She half collapsed onto Severus, letting herself go, crying her damn heart out because she felt as though it had been torn apart.

"Serena… we'll take you to the hospital wing," she heard Albus say, but his voice was an echo.

"no, no-"

"Serena-" she heard Severus' firmer voice but she shook her head, trying to get away from his strong arms.

"I- I have to find Kingsley… have to help him-"

Severus didn't even think about it- he drew his wand and stunned her, catching her body just before it hit the floor. Remus looked shocked but he shook his head "bring her wand."

He lifted Serena in his arms and walked out.

The hospital wing was far from Albus' office, but he did not feel the weight of her body, his mind was elsewhere, because that was when he realised- here was his epiphany and he was shocked by it.

Because through seeing what he knew to be a physically and mentally strong girl deteriorate before his very eyes at his own words, he had realised he loved her.

He loved her because he would do anything to bring Kingsley back, just to make her happy again, even if that meant standing by and watching her live her life with another man.

He loved her and the thought terrified him because he knew love could destroy, from his experience and now… through hers.

Remus ran ahead and told Poppy to prepare the bed in the private hospital wing room she used for staff. Severus lowered Serena gently onto the bed and glanced down at her tear stained face. He was full of sympathy and pity: he knew what it was like and he empathised with her. Poppy hurried over, carrying bottles and vials.

"what's the matter with this little dear then?"

Albus tried to explain but suddenly she shrieked as shards of glass seemed to explode from her hands.

She glared around in accusation but Severus quickly spoke first. "She froze the liquid, subconsciously. She's experiencing heightened emotions and can't control her elementarial magic- the potion I made for her has worn off for today; you won't be able to get anything water based near her."

"can't you take her wand?"

"I already have it," Remus intervened.

"well then how am I supposed to treat?" Poppy was becoming annoyed. "why is she unconscious, what happened? And where's that strong man of hers, shouldn't he be here?"

Everyone glanced around uncomfortably.

"he's dead." Severus spoke shortly, breaking the silence.

Poppy gasped and clutched a handkerchief to her mouth. She looked down pitifully at Serena's still body. "oh, the poor girl… they're so young… their whole lives ahead of them…"

Remus shivered and Severus noticed.

"It's Serena," he explained. "she's subconsciously causing the air to cool, and things to freeze. It's… the grief…"

"understandable."

"I must send an owl to the ministry. Remus, send me news as soon as she is ready. Severus I would like you to stay with her today, you are the only one who fully understands her powers and abilities, and her mind right now." Albus bowed to them both and left.

Severus nodded although he did not think she would appreciate it: he was not the man she wanted right now.

Severus and Remus simultaneously conjured chairs and sat down. Remus buried his head in his hands: he and Kingsley had been friends.

"I'll try something else," Poppy said and she scurried out of the room.

Severus' eyes wandered over Serena. She almost looked peaceful there, but he knew the moment she awoke she would not be in peace. He had flashes of her screaming, her words had hurt but he kept telling himself they were just because of the emotion, she would take them back, of course she would…

"evanesco," Remus said suddenly and the shards of glass that glittered across the floor disappeared.

Silence.

"here we are, this should-" Poppy froze and looked annoyed. She had brought a cloth doused in ointment but it had frozen, even on the cloth. She vanished it with her wand. "well now!"

She drew her wand and began hovering it over Serena. "She seems okay, a few minor scrapes, I'll just have to give her some healing potion-"

"you don't need to Poppy," Severus said quietly. "she's a telempath, when she awakes she will heal herself."

"I shall wake her now then-"

"no!" Severus and Remus both argued at the same time. There was a pause and then Remus said, "let her sleep, let her rest."

Poppy sighed and bustled out and silence resumed.

Remus glanced at his watch- he had thirty five minutes until the full moon. He shifted uncomfortably, knowing that soon he would need to return to his office.

They waited twenty more minutes in complete silence and then Severus stood up, shaking his head. "I can't do this any longer."

He waved his wand and sent a patronus to Poppy, telling her they were waking her. Remus dragged his chair up to her bed.

"rennervate" Severus muttered. Serena stirred and her eyes began to flicker and then suddenly she opened them, staring at the ceiling.

"I… Kingsley… "

She suddenly saw Remus and Severus, sitting up to her bed and she scrambled to sit upright immediately. She felt numb, she felt dead inside, she felt… empty.

"Serena" Severus began immediately. "I need you to listen to me, without interrupting. You have lost control of your subconscious mind- the potion has worn off and Poppy has not been able to heal you, you have frozen everything, I need you to use your telempath skills and heal yourself now, can you do that for me?"

He spoke to her almost like a child and she sat there, a blank expression on her face, her lips slightly open.

"Serena?" he pressed, and she jumped, muttering a very faint 'yes'.

She shut her eyes and concentrated on sending healing waves throughout her body. Focussing on something other than her emotional pain seemed to help. She opened her eyes again.

"ok."

Remus reached out and grasped her hand. She could not feel his feelings, her own were too strong and she had no capacity for anything else… her love and grief consumed her.

"listen, Serena-"

"Remus… the moon…"

"I'm sorry" he said, feeling guilty for leaving her.

She shook her head. "go… go…"

He gave her hand a squeeze and sprinted out, running to his office.

Severus shut the door with a wave of his wand, leaving him and Serena alone.

"the headmaster has asked me to stay with you because I am the one who knows your mind and abilities in the most detail."

She nodded and moved over, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I'm going to cry" she said, as though she were stating a solid fact.

Severus looked up at her blank face and frowned, wondering why she was telling him.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them, rocking slightly back and forth, back and forth. The rhythmic movement kept her going, kept her silent as tears ran down her cheeks. She wanted to scream, she wanted to storm and trash the entire room, she wanted to destroy everything in her way because someone or something had taken him from her. They had torn him unfairly from this world. He was such a good man, why him? Why not her?

She focussed on the rocking, back and forth, back and forth. More tears, like an unstoppable force, like her love.

Severus looked down at his clenched hands rather than watch her. He felt as though he was invading on something private. He wanted to comfort her.

He knew it was not healthy for a human being to rock like that- it was mentally unhealthy, it was desperation.

He took action and stood up suddenly, turning himself and sitting on the bed next to her. She stopped her pattern, feeling his presence, knowing he wanted to comfort her.

Tears spilled, on and on as she tried to think, just to put simple thoughts in order. She wanted him to comfort her, to protect her, because she needed it. She felt so alone. Instead he just sat there, feeling awkward until Serena worked out inside her head how to move. She shifted herself closer to him, grabbed his arm and clutched onto it, crying more and more, just craving some release from this pain.

Severus was being a comfort to her and it felt right. He moved her from his arm gently and then put it around her shoulder, shifting slightly closer to her. She buried her head in his side, shaking uncontrollably.

He wanted to tell her it was ok, that it was going to be alright, but he could not bring himself to lie to her.

The door opened quietly and Poppy froze in the doorway, her mouth gaping. Severus Snape had his arm around her- and she was crying into his side! Severus glared at her and she said nothing, instead she walked in and then uttered a small scream as her bottle smashed again. Serena barely noticed, all she felt was Severus' cloak, all she saw was darkness, all she heard was Kingsley's voice, echoing in her head, his last words: 'I love you…be careful.'

"but she's awake!" poppy hissed.

"Serena, Serena?" Severus murmured.

She raised her head slightly, her tears continuing, mascara lines trailing south as though paths were mapped across her face.

"Poppy has some tonic for you but she can't give it to you because it keeps freezing. I need you to try and control your subconscious."

"I don't want tonic."

"ok but I need you to try-"

"I don't want tonic."

"Poppy she can have some later."

"I'm going to my office," Serena murmured, trying to stand up.

"you're going nowhere" Poppy said firmly.

"I'm going to my office."

"Serena, you're staying here" Severus said firmly.

"fine."

"listen, I have to go and speak to Albus, I'll be back in ten minutes. Poppy can you watch her?"

"I'm not a child."

Poppy nodded silently and sat down on a chair. Severus prised Serena from him and walked briskly out, not wanting to leave her for too long. The corridor outside seemed so much warmer compared to the freezing air Serena was circulating about the room. He still felt her body against his side. He was looking after her, protecting her… loving her. He loved her…

He spoke quickly to Albus, explaining her telempath use and the fact she could not keep control of the elements.

"I imagine her control won't return for a week or so, and I can't give her the potion until her normal mind returns."

"so she is dangerous."

"you could say that."

"and she has no control?"

"no, she is consumed by grief."

"then severus I want you to remain with her for the next few days."

"What?"

"stay with her, she should not be left alone in this frame of mind."

"then ask Remus or-"

"you know her mind Severus; you have been through this before."

"headmaster! Ask someone-"

"what are you afraid of Severus?"

He was silent.

"you think she will not want you, she will want Kingsley?"

"of course she wants Kingsley!"

"he is gone."

"it does not stop her wanting him."

"it does not prevent her wanting your company."

"she does not-"

"we are not discussing the matter further."

"Albus!"

"severus, I'd like you to leave, go to her."

Severus scowled, turned on his heel and marched out.

* * *

**Author's Note: WOOOOAAHHH! WHAT JUST HAPPENED! will kingsley rise from the dead or is he gone gone gone? **

**please review, tell me what you think! especially as my 'traffic' button has broken :/ :/ RIP Kingsley!**


	30. Chapter 29

He marched to the hospital wing his emotions were raging in a storm, he was scared- so scared that Serena could have this power over him, and so angry that he could do nothing about it. What was love if you never spoke of it? If it was never returned? He'd been here before… But he could never tell her… she wouldn't understand- she didn't see him like that. He stopped when he saw Poppy hurrying towards him. "is she with you?"

"no, she was-"

"she's gone! She wanted something to eat, so I-"

Severus had heard enough. "I'll send you a patronus."

She nodded and scurried back.

Severus ran along the corridor and up to her office. He walked through it and then knocked when he got to her living quarters. No answer.

"Serena, I know you're in there, I'm coming in whether you like it or not."

He unlocked the door with his wand and it swung open He stepped on glass and the crunch made him look around. The entire room had been half destroyed. There was glass and paper everywhere, the many books had been torn apart and plates had been thrown. She had expelled her anger on her possessions. It was then that he spotted a small brown pot on the floor, its lid was open and small white circles poured from it. He shut the door and knelt down, realising what they were: alcohol pills from the three broomsticks. The pot was half empty.

"shit, Serena?" He went over to her quickly.

"I couldn't drink the whiskey… it smashed" she whispered. "so… I found the pills… and I couldn't do it… I couldn't take them… I just- I just heard Kingsley telling me how much he hated me drinking and-" she gasped and tears poured down her cheeks.

"Severus," she whispered. "make me forget."

"I don't-"

"make me forget him. If I forget him it will stop the pain, just stop the pain, please."

"I won't. I can but I won't."

"please!" she grasped his cloak tightly.

"think of the good times," he forced himself to say, glad she did not notice the bitterness in his voice.

"the good…"

She was quiet and her eyes welled up again.

"Serena, Albus has sent me here to stay with you."

She nodded and wiped away her tears. "you don't have to, you can go, it's fine-"

"I can't, I'm following orders."

"oh."

Silence again. He waved his wand and sent Poppy a patronus, telling her she was in her office and he was with her.

He sat next to her, giving her some room and she turned and glared at him.

"I'm not contagious you know."

"I was just giving you some space."

"you're making me feel isolated."

Severus raised his eyebrows and shuffled slightly closer to her, but still giving her some room. Her glare remained.

"listen Severus, I know you don't want to be here and I understand you have better things to do but seen as you're stuck here can you just- just…" she trailed off and then turned to him again. "How can I make it better? What- what do I do?"

Serena struggled to stop her voice from breaking as pain and anger washed over her again.

"If you want me here I want to be here" he said quickly and slightly angrily at her misinterpretation.

Silence.

"Time. Time makes it better."

She mouthed the word silently to herself and then became lost in thought.

"perhaps you should try and sleep?"

"I don't want to sleep." Serena had thought how she had eaten breakfast with Kingsley that very morning… she wanted to cry and could feel her throat burning but she had already shed enough tears. She must look so weak and helpless to everyone.

"to convey emotion does not convey weakness" Severus said, reading her unguarded mind.

"says you who always keeps his feelings so secretive."

"nobody thinks you're weak, and I know you are not."

Serena shifted up to Severus and nestled against his side, just wanting comfort.

"sit up" he said a little sharper than he had intended and she did so, feeling as though she had been slapped.

However Severus shifted slightly into the corner of the sofa where it curved around so he could rest against the back and then he indicated for Serena to sit by him. She moved slowly over and rested against his side. He lifted his arm around her, cradling her to him. He felt content, she felt as though she were in hell: what an antithesis of emotions.

"you don't react anymore, when I touch your skin," he said quietly, a question he had wanted to ask in the hospital wing, hoping she could not feel his strong feelings for her.

"I can't feel anything."

"I don't understand."

"I just feel… numb to everything. All I feel is… pain… loss…" a tear escaped.

Severus moved the arm that was around her shoulders very slightly and stroked her hair with his hand, running his hands through the softness. She shut her eyes at his touch.

"you've been so kind to me and Kingsley, Severus… even now, you… I'm glad you're here."

He said nothing; he had done none of it for Kingsley.

They sat mostly in silence besides the odd stifled sob from Serena. Severus would keep looking at her half hidden face. Her eyes were red. Sometimes there would be tears running from them, sometimes they would stop. He ran his hands absentmindedly through her soft hair and she seemed to like it. After almost two hours in complete silence, she fell asleep through sheer exhaustion.

Severus stroked her hair away from her face and wiped the tears from her cheeks. He checked his watch; it was half one in the morning. He knew he had to get some rest too but he could not bear to tear himself away from her, so instead he leant his head against the back of the sofa and shut his eyes.

Severus awoke first the next morning, just five hours later at half past six. She was still sleeping heavily and he knew he had to go and wash and change. He shifted from underneath her very carefully, conjured a blanket and spread it over her. He locked the door after he left- he did not want her wandering the castle alone.

He saw no one as he hurried down to the dungeon. He lingered in the shower for longer than normal, letting the hot water pour over his face. So much had happened in the past few hours, so many emotions and new experiences had happened for him, never mind her, the poor girl.

He changed into clean robes and went back up to her office. He unlocked the door and walked in. The sofa was bare and he walked cautiously through to the bedroom. It was empty and he heard the sound of a shower running. He looked curiously around the room. There were a few more books on a shelf, two polished guitars against a corner, a double bed, a wardrobe and a bed side table containing jewellery, small bottles and a photograph.

He moved closer and picked it up.

It was her and Kingsley, she was wearing a short silver dress and him a suit. She looked radiant, she was laughing, her eyes bright, ringlets framing her face. Kingsley's arm was around her waist and as he watched the moving photograph they began to dance, laughing at each other. He scowled and put it down. The bathroom door behind him was half open and the sound of the water became amplified.

"Serena? Serena?"

"leave me alone."

Severus pushed the door slightly. She was sitting, fully clothed in the walk-in shower, shivering violently.

"I'm concen-" She stopped talking as the water above her stopped suddenly. It had frozen and small icicles had formed on the head.

"Serena you're frozen."

He rushed over to her, taking his cloak off and spreading it over her shivering body. He coaxed her up and guided her, dripping and shaking, into the lounge.. He conjured green flames in the fire grate and sat her on the sofa next to it, casting a spell to dry her clothes and hair.

He wrapped his cloak tightly around her.

"I, I was j-just trying t-to con-concentrate" she shivered. "I'm s-so f-fed up at things f-freezing."

"listen to me, you don't need to try and do this now, we'll do it together, in time." Her lips were blue and she gazed into the fire vacantly.

He reached out a hand and very gently stroked her cheek with the back of his hand. She looked so vulnerable, he just wanted to kiss her, to hold her. She seemed to awaken at his touch, frowning at him being so gentle with her, so caring. Just like Kingsley… but Kingsley was gone. She looked up into his black eyes. They were no longer dark and secretive, but they seemed to be made of black melted molten, shining into hers, telling her it was going to be okay. She leaned forward.

Severus had not expected her sudden movement but he did not complain as her lips met his in a tender kiss. The moment they connected it sparked into something fuller, firmer, fiercer. Her arms pulled him closer, wrapping around his neck, her lips were almost angry as they moved with his. His arms found her small waist, damp with water, he pulled her body closer to his and she moaned into his mouth when his thigh pressed between her legs. She felt as though she were floating, she was lost in him, lost, forgetting everything, forgetting what had torn her apart, forgetting her love, forgetting the pain, because Kingsley was never coming back… Kingsley…

Serena pushed herself away from him, horrified at what she had done, disgusted with her behaviour! She pressed her hands to her head as she gasped for breath, hardly believing it had happened. She looked up at Severus who was watching her uncertainly, a slightly hardened, challenging look on his face.

"Severus… I'm so sorry."

He shook his head. Was she apologising because she thought he didn't want the kiss or because she regretted it?

"It's fine."

"no, no it's not." She paced slowly, fidgeting slightly with her hands as she tried to get her words out in the correct order. "I… fuck, I just got my emotions mixed up, I just wanted… I wanted to forget everything, to forget him, you… you can make me forget everything I don't know how you do it but, I took advantage of it, I took advantage of you and that was… unacceptable…"

She looked up at him, almost begging him with her eyes for forgiveness.

"there is nothing to forgive."


	31. Chapter 30

Severus sat on her sofa, his head in his hands, thinking. He was wrong to have let that kiss happen- she was rebounding, it meant nothing and he was the one who had taken advantage, despite what she insisted.

"get a grip Severus" he muttered to himself. It was Serena who should be out of control and irrational, not him, and yet he couldn't think properly- all he could think about was her face when he had shattered her dreams, her face when he had carried her limp body to the hospital wing, and her face when her eyes blurred with tears and her grief washed over her like an ocean wave.

He was to take her to Albus' office and he was waiting for her to get changed in the next room. When she emerged, Severus noticed a crumpled photo sticking out of her pocket- he knew it was of her and Kingsley and he did not mention it, but somewhere he felt a pang of sadness as she smiled bravely at him. As they walked together various students began whispering and Severus picked out in their thoughts that they knew, or speculated that her man had been killed.

They walked together in silence and Severus knocked before entering Albus' office. Remus, Sirius, Minerva and Dawlish were already gathered there. Serena seemed slightly overwhelmed by everyone, but she said nothing- she did not care what they thought, or what she looked like, she just wanted answers. As she walked through the small crowd she felt comforting hands on her shoulders and saw flashes of the same pitiful expression. She said nothing and sat down on a chair next to Remus who tried to smile at her painfully.

"I'm sorry I had to go last night" he said quietly.

"It's fine Remus, you had no choice. Are you okay?"

"fine."

"you look exhausted."

"it should be me asking you these questions, not the other way around."

She nodded. "probably."

Remus took her hand and gave it a squeeze and she held on to it tightly.

She heard Albus talking to them all but she didn't listen to him- his voice was just an echo in the back of her mind. Her eyes glazed over and she remembered a few days ago- when she had sat here with Kingsley- holding his hand instead of Remus'.

She was so glad that she had told him how much she loved him, that she had shown him and that the time they had spent together had been such a loving time. He had done so much for her, she had relied on him, leaned on him, depended on him to protect and care for her. Now he was gone it was as though she had been abandoned in the world and left to fight it alone. It was something she had not experienced since she was a child, and her childhood was not something she wished to relive.

Remus nudged her, reviving her from her thoughts. She realised Albus had asked her a question.

"I'm sorry, Albus, what did you say? I was…" she trailed off and pressed her lips together tightly.

He smiled patiently. "I'm sorry to ask, but how many death eaters did the ministry get last night?"

"it's fine, um… four I believe…"

"excellent."

Serena decided she should try and concentrate on the meeting, despite the many eyes that kept flickering to her. "so, as we can see that's a total of four convicted- four of his servants in one place means we can expect an Azkaban break out soon. Sirius, what is the status outside Grimauld Place?"

"deadly silent, not counting the same two men dressed in generic muggle clothes and big coats who like to stand outside and watch the house all day." He spoke sarcastically and Serena noticed a slight arrogant drawl to his voice- it reminded her of Severus' smooth voice.

"how are we supposed to get in without being seen if we don't have an invisibility cloak?" Remus said aloud to the room.

"we can apparate" Serena said suddenly. Everyone looked at her suddenly as though surprised by her contribution but she ignored them and continued. "if we cast disillusionment charms before you apparate, and then predict it precisely for the top step and slip inside quickly- the protection of the house should keep you hidden for a few seconds?"

"you know that might just work" Sirius said nodding.

"excellent."

"it will need practise" Severus said, watching Serena closely. She seemed to be listening to the conversation now, but her expression was still vacant and sombre and he kept seeing images of Kingsley flash in her head.

"More sensitive matters" Albus said quietly. "Kingsley's brother, Samuel, has been to see me. He would like us to organise the funeral for Wednesday if possible, three days time."

Serena's head shot up. "funeral?"

Albus nodded. "we shall need to discuss what Kingsley would have wanted."

"you have his body?" she was horrified and shocked that she had not been told before.

"why yes, Remus managed to bring it back."

She looked at Remus blankly for a second, her mind working too slowly. If he was here then…

"I want to see him," she said suddenly, standing up.

"of course" Albus began but Severus cut across her, reading her thoughts.

"no Serena it won't-"

"I want to see him, you can't stop me from-"

"he's dead Serena! Even a telempath can't bring him back, I'm sorry, but it's impossible."

"take me to see him" she glared at him threateningly.

Severus turned to Albus but he held a hand up to silence him. "take her, and do not leave her side."

"Albus-" he tried to protest but Serena had already pushed through everyone to the door. Severus glared at him and then followed her swiftly.

He ran down the corridor to catch her up. "Serena this is ridiculous, you're just going to make it harder for yourself."

She said nothing and he gave up. "on your head be it."

He led her down a part of the castle she had not been to before. He paused outside a great wooden door and blocked her entrance to it.

"listen to me, just listen to me for one moment."

She paused, to hear his words and to try and control the nervousness and fear building inside her.

"magic will ensure he looks the same- he might look as though he is sleeping, but you need to remember that he is not. You have hope inside you, I can feel it, and it might be a good thing, but it's going to be crushed. Just prepare yourself."

She took a deep breath and nodded towards the doors. "he's just in there?"

He nodded. "this is the chapel."

She felt tears well up in her eyes. "let's go."

Severus opened the door and she followed him into the room. There were a few wooden pews leading up to an open coffin at the front. She glanced around at the white walls and the coloured windows with fake sunlight spilling in. She walked cautiously behind Severus, knowing she had to try, she had to try and heal him, she had the strength, she had the power, and she had the love.

She gasped when she saw his face. Severus was right; he could have been sleeping. He looked so full of life and yet… She reached out a trembling hand to touch his cheek and when she felt nothing from him- no emotion, no feeling, she could not contain her own emotion. Tears overwhelmed her and she cried over him, letting out a sound of complete grief that sent shivers through Severus- reminding him of the time he had been in the same situation. She cried and cried, her head on Kingsley's chest, the silk of his robes still tinged with the smell of cigars, the smell she loved so much.

Severus moved into the corner of the room, watching her very carefully and understandingly, not wanting to interfere with her grief.

"K-Kingsley" she sobbed. "I know you're there, I know you can hear me… Help me out, help me out Kings…" She pressed her hands on his cool face, using all her strength to try and heal him, again and again, her teeth clenched, every part of he yearning to bring him back until she felt hands on her shoulders, pulling her gently back.

"he's gone" Severus whispered in her ear. "there's nothing you can do, he's gone…"

She was shaking under his hands and as she turned he pulled her to him, cradling her between his arms as she collapsed into his chest, crying and uttering whimpers of intense unhappiness. The emotion she expelled and the own memories awakening inside his head made Severus' eyes water. He blinked quickly and swallowed, staying strong. He would not cry in front of her. He had not cried for years. He wrapped his arms tightly around her until she had regained control of her feelings. She was still crying, but silently, and she turned away from Severus, back to Kingsley's body.

She took off her engagement ring, the ring Severus had been so jealous of. Now all he felt was sympathy and helplessness that he could not do anything to relieve her suffering. He watched as she kissed the ring, opened Kingsley's hand and placed the ring inside, clenching his fingers around it tightly. Tears poured over his hands from her face and she clasped her hands over his too.

"I love you," she said in a shaky, hoarse voice, but the emotion pouring from her, and the intensity of her love was so strong. "and I'll never forget you."

She leant down and kissed his lips softly before turning and walking out. Severus glanced down at Kingsley, hoping he knew how much this girl loved him and how damn lucky he was to have had an opportunity with her. He turned on his heel and followed her out of the chapel. She was leaning against the wall outside and she wiped away tears when she saw him.

"I think that was the hardest thing I have ever done."

Severus did not know what to say.

"can we get some air?" she asked, constantly trying to stop the tears falling.

Severus nodded and he walked with her up and out through a back door of the castle. They walked down the steps and came out near the forbidden forest. She breathed in the fresh air as though she had been suffocating. It was so refreshing, so life giving… She carved a path along the edge of the trees.

"when are you going to give me my wand back?" she asked in a casual voice.

"not yet. Why?"

"I wanted to summon my coat."

"here."

Severus cast the charm and they waited. In less than thirty seconds there was a swishing sound and the brown jacket whizzed towards her. She caught it and slid it over her muggle clothes, breathing in the smoky smell it carried and sighing. She buried her hands in the pockets and strolled on through the trees. Severus walked along side her, sometimes glancing across at her determined expression. He knew she was trying to get over her grief and loss, but he also knew that things could not be rushed. They walked almost entirely in silence for about half an hour before they turned back to the castle.

"I need to go back to my office for a few minutes" he said, remembering he had a polyjuice potion brewing that needed stirring.

"okay."

"are you coming?"

"no."

"where are you going?"

"my office" she said, lying.

"I'll be there in ten minutes."

She turned and walked away from him, he watched her go suspiciously; not sure he believed her but having no choice.


	32. Chapter 31

Serena turned the corner and then quickened her pace away from him. She climbed the hundreds of stairs up to the top of the astronomy tower, feeling energetic, feeling dangerous, feeling reckless.

It was not fair that it had been Kingsley. He was a good man. She had imagined walking up the aisle to meet him, to take her vows, to spend the rest of her life with the man she loved. Now she would never have that day, she would never have that opportunity. She would never have that happiness.

She gasped for breath at the top of the tower, feeling the wind blowing her hair and looking out at the magnificent 360 degree view across the country. She raised her hands and shut her eyes briefly, calming the wind around her with a single thought. She turned and climbed out onto the wall, ignoring the two hundred foot drop beside her. She sat between turrets of stone, her legs dangling out over nothing. She reached into her pocket and brought out the thing she had wanted her coat for- a cigar. She lit it with another thought from her mind, smiling that she did not need a wand to do magic. She pressed the cigar to her lips and inhaled deeply. As she blew the smoke out she smelt the cigar smoke float around her. It was her favourite smell- reminding her of her favourite person. She puffed the cigar again and then lifted it to her face, inhaling it deeply.

She looked down over the great drop. She could jump, she knew she could jump, not to kill herself, she would never do that, but the adrenalin she could gain from this… she was sure she could control the wind so that she glided and landed softly after falling free for a few seconds. She was certain it would just be like doing a base jump- without the parachute.

She shook her head, she could not, not now, she knew Kingsley would not let her; he would not want her to take the risk. She leant against the side of the turret and sighed, enjoying the quiet freedom. She appreciated Severus' company and accepted he was only there under orders but she just wanted some free time, some time to think openly…

Seeing Kingsley's body, seeing the complete solid proof that he was gone and she could not do anything to bring him back- it was terrifying- she felt so alone and abandoned- even her ring finger was deserted.

The door behind her was suddenly flung open violently. "Serena, don't do it!" Remus cried, panicking as he saw her sitting on the edge.

She stood up, balancing on the edge, a cigar in her hand and holding the turret for balance with the other. Remus and Severus were standing near the door cautiously, their wands out, both looking ready to pounce on her if she thought of leaping. Remus' face conveyed fear and shock, Severus looked livid.

"I'm not suicidal Remus," she said calmly. "I just wanted some peace and space, I'm not going to jump."

"no" Severus said icily. "she just wanted the attention."

"and what do you mean by that?" she said angrily.

"you come up here, wanting to make us panic-"

"oh yes, I thrive off the attention I get from grief! God why didn't I just murder him my goddam self!"

Severus retorted viciously, his heart still pounding from adrenalin and fear that was being converted to anger: "she didn't get any attention when she was a child Remus; she's just getting her own back now!"

"oh yes!" she shouted back, "I wasn't getting any goddam attention when my father was breaking my arm with a hammer! I wasn't getting any attention when they were setting my room on fire! I wasn't getting any attention when Kingsley came to pick me up and I was being given a black eye for not choosing which of my parents I loved the most! Fuck you! Kingsley wouldn't let you speak to me like that if you'd known what I'd been through! He'd, he'd-"

Serena's hands shook and she sat shakily down on the stone again, this time facing inward and feeling all her loss return. He would no longer help her, no longer save her, he was gone, gone forever and she'd have to fight her own battles without him.

She puffed the cigar again, the smell calming her. Remus walked slowly over and crouched down in front of her knees. "I didn't know you smoked cigars" he said quietly, rubbing her knee comfortingly.

"I don't. I just like the smell."

"come away from the edge."

"I'm going to stay up here for a while."

"are you-"

"Remus, I'm not going to fall and I'm not going to jump."

He sighed and nodded, brushing a piece of hair back from her face. "come find me if you want to talk."

He glared at Severus as he left, wondering how he could be so cruel to the poor girl.

Severus stood on the small tower top and looked down on her as she smelt the cigar. He knew Kingsley had smoked them- that was why she liked them.

"I'm livid" he said in the calmest voice he could muster.

"I'm distressed." She retorted back.

"you lied to me."

"I had to."

"and then you came up here and sat on the edge of a two hundred feet drop."

"it's called free will."

"you made me panic."

"you shouldn't have bothered; I didn't think you cared anyway."

"that's not true" he said immediately, then regretting speaking the truth.

"funny way of showing it."

"it's called free will," he said sarcastically.

"then run along and tell Dumbledore you're using your free will to leave me alone."

"I am not going to displease Albus just because of you."

"well either Albus is displeased or you are displeased, you choose."

"who said I was displeased?" he said raising his eyebrows.

"well it's not exactly like you enjoy spending time with a grieving, emotionally unstable, wandless witch, is it?"

"did I say that?"

"you didn't have to" Serena said, although she realised he had not shown it at all. He had actually been so nice to her recently. Severus read her thoughts but he did not mention it.

"I didn't mean what I said before- I was angry."

"I know." She accepted his apology sincerely. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked out across the trees to the lake.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going."

"I would not have let you go anyway, so you had no choice."

"did you think I would jump?" she asked, her eyes wide.

"I don't know. I know your mind inside and out, but love has no rationality."

Serena had never heard him talk about love before.

"do you still talk about her?" she asked quietly, referring to the woman he had lost.

There was a long pause as Severus gazed unseeingly over the edge.

"no I do not," he said finally.

"when will I be back to normal?"

"we will try and contain your elementarial magic after the funeral."

"I… I might not go…"

"why ever not?"

"I don't like funerals and I know Kingsley certainly did not."

"wizard funerals are different to muggle ones."

"I don't care I… they're so depressing."

"it would seem a bit wrong if they were cheerful."

She half smiled. "I'll think about it…"

"I did not go to hers." He said suddenly. "I regretted it."

She looked over at him, slightly stunned by his openness.

"come on downstairs" he muttered, avoiding her eyes. He opened the door that lead to the tight spiral steps and held it open for Serena. She puffed the cigarette a few more times and then threw it over the edge, manufacturing the wind to carry it off into the distance. When she could see it no longer she dropped her concentration and walked, solemn faced past Severus and back inside.

"do you want something to eat?" he asked her when they got back to her rooms.

She shook her head, "I'm not hungry."

"you have to eat."

"I said I'm not hungry."

Severus sighed and stood up. "If I leave you here you promise you won't do a runner?"

"I promise."

Serena went into the bedroom. She wanted badly to change into her pyjamas and curl up on the sofa but she thought Severus would not feel comfortable with it, so she stayed as she was, slipping her trainers off and looking in the mirror in the bathroom.

She almost gasped, she looked terrible. Her eyes were red and looked sore; her cheeks were stained with mascara and tear tracks were still carved into them. She ran her fingers through her windswept hair and used a comb to back-brush it and make it half decent. She had to use a moisturiser to get the mascara off her face as Severus still had her wand, but her cheeks felt softer and her skin slightly healthier. She conjured water with her mind and it immediately turned to cubes of ice. She picked one up in her fingers and pressed it to her eye, trying to lift the swelling from around them and reduce the redness. It seemed to work and when she looked up she looked marginally better. She brushed her teeth and clipped her fringe back from her face. She heard the door open and she took a deep breath, forcing herself to be strong before stepping back out to Severus. She tried to smile at him but it was not quite successful.

"you look better" he said, looking at her clean face. Even through the lack of sleep and all the crying, with her hair pinned right back her beauty was emphasised. "your hair looks better too."

She smiled very slightly, knowing Severus would only tell the blunt truth. He put the silver tray on the sofa and sat down with it.

"help yourself, if you want something" he added.

She sat on the other side of the tray, massaging her temples with her fingers, her eyes shut.

"have you had anything to drink lately? You seem dehydrated."

"I can't go near water, remember."

"all you have to do is concentrate for ten seconds- you did it this morning with the shower."

Severus conjured a glass. "concentrate."

She held the glass in her hands and shut her eyes. She made the particles spread, she let them almost float around before she conjured them. She could do it, she knew she could. "drink" Severus said quietly and she blindly raised the glass to her face and sipped. The water was ice cold and it felt so refreshing in her mouth and on her sore throat. She had not drunk in so long and she gulped the water quickly. Severus replenished her glass and she drank that too. She lowered the glass and opened her eyes. "god that felt nice."

He smiled slightly and began eating his sandwiches.

She sat back onto the sofa and tried to relax.

"what are you doing after Friday?" Severus asked.

"after term finishes? I might go back to Cardiff…"

"you mean… photography?" he said, thinking of the pictures he had seen of her.

"I don't know, maybe, if I can get a job in it again, I certainly won't looking like this."

"you don't need to go back- you have a job here, Albus pays well enough."

"I don't know… I'd like to come back next year, but doing nothing all holidays… it's not a good way to keep time… you end up thinking too much… "

"so do something worthwhile, something… respectable…"

She turned and scowled at him. "it is respectable. I didn't see you complaining when you were drooling all over them photos."

"I was not!"

"I can get you a copy if you want-"

"I advise you to stop talking."

She laughed and the feeling felt great, as though a part of the heavy weight had been lifted from her. She sat shocked for a moment. "I just laughed."

"correct" Severus almost smiled.

"that felt… really good."

Severus watched her, knowing the feeling she was experiencing.

"maybe… the one in the red bikini…" he ventured, trying to make her laugh again and it definitely worked.

She was so surprised by his joke and the nature of it that she laughed a musical laugh, loving the sound of it.

Severus smiled broadly at her reaction too. It was good to hear such a sound.

He finished his meal and vanished the tray with a wave of his wand. "what are you planning on doing this evening?"

"I want to go and see Albus" she said, wondering if he was going to insist on coming with her.

He nodded. "well I have a potion to brew so I'll come and meet you in… an hour?"

She was surprised. "if Albus is going to be angry I'm alone, then-"

"he'll understand, it's fine."

She smiled thankfully. They got up and walked out together. When they reached the stairs he said simply, "one hour" and then left. Serena stared after him in confusion. Was he being… understanding?

She walked quickly up to Albus office, trying not to see anyone. She was just down a corridor when she heard a voice behind her. "professor?"

She turned around to meet two fourth years she taught. They looked nervous and one had turned bright red. "we're… sorry to hear of your loss" the small one said.

Serena was stunned and it took her a moment to get her voice back.

"um…" she nodded awkwardly and turned on her heel and walked on, not sure what to feel. It was nice of them to say something and she expected it to bring it all flooding back to her but now… was she reaching acceptance?

"come in" Albus said when she knocked.

He beamed widely and walked over to greet her with a kiss on the cheek. She was pleasantly surprised and she smiled at him slightly.

"hello Albus."

"how are you?"

"I'm… I'm okay. Listen, Severus isn't with me but it's not his fault- he has potions to do and-"

"it's fine, I understand completely."

She felt reassured and she sat down on the seat he conjured for her at the back of his office. He conjured another chair and then sat opposite her.

"now, when you rushed out this morning, how was it?"

"it was… it was a shock. He looked so… alive and yet…" She swallowed her emotion and continued in the strongest voice she could muster. "it was good to see him, and try, and just… accept I guess."

"your ring" he stated, realising her wedding finger was free.

She nodded, biting her lip. "I just… I know now that, that it was time to give it back to him, I want it to be with him always because it's the symbol of our love, and our life together…"

Tears began to spill over her cheeks and she brushed them away roughly. "I just, I know now that I cherish so much what we have shared, but that I have to move on, for my own sake."

"he would not want you to live your life in the past" Albus said wisely.

"I know, I know. He'd want me to be happy…"

"time" Albus said softly. "time heals."

"that's what Severus keeps saying to me" she sniffed. "he's been awful kind."

"how so?" Albus asked, keeping his tone light but knowing Severus' motives, even if the poor lad had not realised himself yet.

"just… understanding… being someone to talk to, even if he doesn't talk back half the time. He, he even made me laugh before. It felt so nice to laugh."

"I did not know making people laugh was one of his many talents" Albus said smiling.

She smiled back. "just me I think."

"ah, just you."

"does he really have to follow me around everywhere Albus? I'm fine and it must be really starting to annoy him if he let me come up here by myself."

"My dear, I don't want you on your own with your thoughts, not whilst you cannot control what's happening around you. For your sake and for others."

"then can't Remus-"

"do you tire of his company?"

"no, of course not I just thought he-"

"Severus is probably more willing than you think. He has time off, for which he is paid and also I think him being with you will do him good too. He has not got over his similar situation yet. Perhaps you can heal each other."

"I don't need healing" she said angrily.

There was a brief pause.

"oh Merlin, Albus I'm sorry I didn't want it to come out like that-"

Albus chuckled. "it's understandable for your emotions to be awry. Severus will leave you after the funeral I think."

"I wanted to talk to you about that" she said quietly.

"of course."

"I… I've never been to a wizard funeral before and I don't know exactly what happens. I… I hate them and I know Kingsley did. I just, do I say something? Are people expecting me to? Who's going to be there? I probably won't know half the people and-"

"Serena, Serena stop." Albus took her hands in his and squeezed them comfortingly. She blinked quickly to stop the tears.

"normally, there is a ceremony where anyone who knew Kingsley can go. Some people, probably from the ministry and also his brother, Samuel whom I think you know shall speak."

"I know Samuel" she said to herself, wondering how he was taking the news.

"he wants to know if you would like to say a few words."

"I… I wouldn't know what to say" she said, tears welling again. Why was she so hopeless!

"it's natural" Albus said quietly. "well after the ceremony Sirius has offered for us to use his house to have a drink, just close friends of Kingsley's, so if you feel more comfortable then you can say something then if you wish."

"yes, that would be better." She wiped away her tears quickly. "that's nice of Sirius."

"Kingsley helped him out of a tough spot with his motorcycle years ago. Sirius does not forget."

"what happens to his…" she could not bring herself to say the word 'body.'

"at the end of the ceremony it will be cremated in a wizarding fashion."

"that's good. He'd want that."

"we shall leave here Wednesday morning at ten, would you like to apparate from here or outside?"

"outside would be better, I think I'll need the fresh air."

"okay, then Severus shall take you down to meet us and we shall apparate together."

"do… do people at wizarding funerals still wear black?"

"that is traditional, but not compulsory."

"okay."

Serena played with the silver ring on her hand. "Albus, I'd like to get back to work on Thursday, just for the last two days of term."

"don't feel you have to."

"I want to. I think it's the best thing for me, to take my mind of things."

"okay, if that is your wish."

"thank you."

At that moment there was a knock on the door and Severus walked in. Serena half smiled at him.

"Severus my dear boy, how are you?"

"fine Albus, as always."

"we have been talking of you."

"how enthralling" he said sarcastically and Serena felt the corners of her mouth twitch into a smile.

"Albus, I'll see you tomorrow probably. Thanks for… well you know…" Serena squeezed his hand and walked towards the door. Severus followed her, with a polite nod good bye to Albus.

Serena yawned. "Severus I imagine I shall fall straight asleep the moment I lie down, do you not want to spend the night in your own comfort tonight?"

"Albus would strangle me" he said curtly.

When they got in she said she was going to change into her pyjamas and she went into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. Severus gazed after her and sighed. She was in there, all alone, getting changed… just metres from him… he looked around to distract himself and picked a book from the shelf. "dark wizards of our time." He frowned and flickered through it. He sat down with it in the corner of the sofa when Serena walked out of the bedroom.

It was a good job she was scanning the shelves for something because otherwise she would have noticed Severus' eyes widen.

She was wearing a long stripy night shirt with a tiny pair of tight pink shorts underneath, the same outfit he had seen her in before. He gaped at her long, tanned, thin legs, all the way down to her pink leg warmers. They looked so soft and Severus wanted badly to touch them, to stroke them. Serena frowned as she looked around for her lip balm and then she spotted it on a table. She rubbed some on her chapped lips and then turned to sit on the sofa. "you're staring at me" she said suddenly, realising Severus was watching her intently.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

She rolled her eyes. "Severus I don't have any other pyjamas, if I did, I would wear them."

"I didn't mention anything about your pyjamas… or lack of…"

She threw a cushion at him and he laughed.

"anyhow, what is with this book?" he held it up and she went and sat next to him.

"what about it?"

"it's about the dark arts."

"I know. I said there was nothing wrong with being interested in them, it was just different if you practised them."

"and do you?"

"of course I don't."

"hmm." Severus sat back again and resumed reading. Serena leaned back and watched him.

After a few minutes of silence she spoke.

"two students came up to me today. They said 'sorry for your loss.'"

Severus looked up from his book.

"what do you say to that?" she said, more to herself than to him. "thanks? Me too?"

"you don't have to say anything."

"it's like those dreaded words you always hope you'll never hear."

"a taboo."

"exactly."

"I thought you were going to sleep?"

She smiled. "bored of my conversation Severus?"

"I want to read."

"ok, sorry. I won't disturb you any more."

She moved slightly to the other end of the sofa and lay back, crossing her arms behind her head and resting on them with her eyes shut.

"Merlin will you never let me read in peace?" Severus was finding it hard to look at the page instead of her legs.

"I'm not doing any- oh. You pervert Severus Snape!"

"I am no such thing. You are the one lying so dramatically."

"this is how I sleep."

"well go and do it somewhere else" he said, although he did not want her to.

"won't you read to me Severus? Just read aloud? Kingsley used to do it… it was nice."

Severus was silent. He did not know what to say. He wanted to read to her, to have that bond with her but he did not want to be Kingsley's replacement. He did not want her to be thinking and imagining Kingsley as he read.

"oh, Severus I didn't mean…" Serena had grasped the meaning of his silence. "I merely meant that you reading aloud would focus my mind on your words rather than elsewhere, I… you have such a captivating voice, it's like nothing I have heard before. I did not mean to be-"

"It's fine, Serena."

"no, really, look I-"

"be quiet, I cannot read aloud at the same time you are speaking."

She silenced at once at his authorative voice and he began to read.

"The words over the entrance to Nurmengard…"

Severus continued in his smooth, sensual voice and Serena leant back, shutting her eyes and listening to the words intently. She soon fell asleep.

Severus read until her head lulled to the side slightly and then he shut the book and sat in silence, watching her.

He knew it was bad for her neck like that and so he lifted her gently in his arms and carried her through to the bedroom, laying her in the middle of the great double. He took the chance, after checking she was completely asleep to brush her leg with his hand and the touch sent shocks through his fingers. How was it even possible for one's legs to be so smooth? He could not resist stroking it again, feeling the curve of her knee.

No- he mustn't run away with his feelings. He covered her quickly with the blanket and stroked her hair before returning to the living room and pulling the door ajar. He spread out on the sofa and shut his eyes, soon dropping off too.

* * *

**Author's Note: tres long chapter today guys- sorry if you find it too heavy! just tell me in reviews what you prefer. thanks for reading!**


	33. Chapter 32

Serena awoke suddenly, gasping and sweating. She gained her bearings and realised it was just a nightmare, there was no fire… there was no Kingsley.

She swore and looked at the clock. It was half four in the morning. She had not remembered falling asleep in her bed, Severus must have carried her through.

She got up and conjured a handful of fire with her mind. The flames were cold in her hand but they emitted light and she walked through to the living room. Severus was asleep on the sofa, completely straight with his hands crossed on his chest, and his wand grasped in one, ready to attack if anything should happen.

It was only when he was asleep here that she could look at him without him noticing her staring. He had a scar on his neck that she had not noticed before and she noticed another one on his hand. She imagined they were from the dark lord and she felt for him. Severus was seen as such a harsh man, hated by many students besides those from his own house. He was generally socially inadequate, always saying the wrong things and offending people. He was known for his brutal actions and unfair grudges, but also for his skill and intelligence. He knew so much, not only about potions and the dark arts but other cultures too. He came out with some words that Serena didn't even know existed sometimes. She admired him, and through their having to spend so much time together, she felt she had got to know the real him, the deeper him, the other side of Severus Snape. He had been so nice to her, of course he was probably under strict orders form Albus but she liked to hope that he had some part in it too.

She went to the fridge in the kitchen and got some chocolate and then took one of her guitars and sat down on the table, making the fire hover in front of her. She noticed the book Severus had read to her lying next to her. She sighed and rubbed her eyes, remembering the times Kingsley had read to her. She would sit on his knee in his old armchair, he would be smoking a cigar, and with his arm around her he would read aloud in his deep, husky voice. She began to play a quiet melody out on the strings, a sad melody, a tune of loss.

A light from behind her made her jump. Severus was standing in the doorway, his wand drawn and illuminated. When he realised it was her he waved the wand and the light went out.

"did I wake you? I'm sorry" she said turning towards him .

"I put an alarm on all the doors. Why are you awake?"

"bad dream, can't sleep."

He walked and drew a chair opposite her and sat down.

"Severus you don't have to stay on the sofa, it must be uncomfortable and you have your own bed less than five minutes away."

"It's fine."

She sighed and offered him chocolate. Severus refused, wondering how she could each such rubbish at such an early hour.

"you said you were interested in the dark arts" Severus said, flicking his hands through the fire hovering before them.

"I am."

"you fell asleep before I'd reached the third page."

Severus smiled slightly and so did she.

"perhaps your voice bores me" she said pouting.

"captivating was the word you used" he said smoothly and then flinched as the fire turned hot.

She smirked as he rubbed his fingers and he noticed her expression and suppressed a smile.

"what are you doing tomorrow?" he asked, changing the subject.

"I want to see Remus in the morning, see how he and Sirius are, if that's okay?"

"of course. I should be teaching at nine so I'll cancel the cover and take the class. People will be talking."

"I hope they're not talking about you Severus" she said sincerely, feeling guilty.

"I have only missed one lesson, normality shall resume."

Serena nodded, surprised he was letting her see Remus alone.

"I did not know you played" Severus said, indicating the old, but valuable acoustic guitar.

"oh… yeah, music is magic as well you know."

"will you play?"

"oh… I don't know Severus, I don't normally play in front of-"

"I'm not anyone, and I want you to play" he said rather threateningly. Serena sighed; his authorative voice had beaten her.

She began to play something, not as depressing as last time. Severus watched in wonder as her fingers blindly found their place, creating sounds that should not be possible. She was right: it was like magic and the music was soothing for both of them. When she had finished the song he smiled. "that was wonderful."

"you're just saying that because you don't want me to set fire to you."

"I think I can deal with you skills."

"you under estimate me" she smiled.

"that would be foolish."

"hmm…" she sighed and extinguished the fire, plunging them into darkness.

There was a long moment of quiet, both of them listening intently in the darkness to the other's breathing, seeing nothing, feeling nothing just listening to that small comfort.

"would you like to try and rest?" he asked her eventually.

"yeah, I'll lie down for a bit. Thanks…"

He nodded and she turned and walked back into the bedroom. She lay down and soon fell asleep, thanks to Severus' distraction.

He walked around her rooms in the dark, and went into the bathroom. He looked in the bathroom cabinet and found some hair products, but then on the top shelf there were many brown pots of pills. He frowned and brought some down- some were for stress, some for depression, some for headaches and migraines. He had not known she was on any medication, never mind an intense concoction such as this. He found some wizarding maladies too- of which he found the "potion for unwanted gifts" the most interesting: a contraceptive. The bottle was nearly empty and he scowled at it, knowing Kingsley had probably kept her using it…

He put everything back where he found it and went back into the bedroom. She was curled up on a side of the bed, her arm stretched out onto the other side that was empty. He guessed she wanted to feel Kingsley, but of course she would never have that feel again. He sat down and stroked her hair again, something he always liked doing. He trailed his fingers along her jaw and to her lips that were slightly apart. He sighed as her hot breath tickled his fingers: life was so unfair.

He eventually forced himself to move away from her, so that he was no longer tempted. He knew she appreciated the space he gave her and so he wrote her a quick note and pinned it to the door:

_Serena, I will see you at dinner tomorrow, I have a lesson at nine o' clock and have retired to my office. If you require anything do not hesitate to ask. _

_Severus._

He wanted badly to put 'your severus' instead of just his name, but he did not. He sighed, so frustrated at the way she made him feel. He hated this, he'd had this before… unrequited love… would it torment him forever?

He slept when he got in, exhausted mentally and emotionally. He enjoyed getting back to work the next morning, although lack of sleep had put him in a bad mood. His mind kept wandering back to Serena and it annoyed him. This was the first time he had been properly away from her and yet it seemed he wanted to remain with her. He decided to make a replenishing potion, hoping the logical steps would calm his mind and it worked.

He went at twelve to the great hall and was glad to see Serena walk in at the other entrance. She spotted him and walked over, giving him a slight smile that made Severus feel glad she was pleased to see him.

"hello" she said and he nodded to her.

They sat down together at the table, Severus was careful to leave a gap between them, knowing students were around and probably watching, and Serena noticed. She said nothing, instead talking to him as normal.

"how was your class?"

"fine."

There was silence again and Serena raised her eyebrows, taking a piece of toast.

"I made a replenishing potion," Severus blurted out suddenly, cursing at how lame that sounded.

Serena was used to his sudden mood changes and odd notions and she nodded.

"I'm sorry you've had to be stuck with me for the past few days…"

"it's fine" he said quietly.

"I appreciate it. I think I'm going to teach on Thursday- I have four lessons, I don't want my classes to fall behind."

"you can't-"

"I can" she said firmly. "It's my decision, Albus is fine with it. I just need to… concentrate and divert my thoughts, busy my mind…"

"why don't you wait until next year? Term ends on Friday."

"I know, I don't want to have any more time off, it's pointless, I just need to get back to a routine."

"I understand" he said, remembering how he had thrown himself into work when Lily had died.

"are you coming tomorrow? To the…"

"yes. If that's ok?" he added.

"of course, I… you did so much for us Severus… Kingsley was so grateful, you have no idea… I… if we weren't surrounded by students I'd hug you" she smiled and looked at him. He kept a blank face, but inside he was craving for contact with her. He took a sandwich to avoid speaking.

"what time?" he said eventually.

"meeting Albus in the entrance hall at ten." Serena paused, hesitant and embarrassed at her next question. Severus noticed and looked at her questioningly. "I… will you stay in the morning? I… don't want to get ready by myself… it's ok if you have class, I could-"

"of course" he interrupted. "I was planning to anyway. It's not something you want to face on your own."

Serena was silenced, so taken back by his kindness. It brought tears to her eyes and she blinked them back quickly, turning her face away from him.

Severus noticed but did not mention it. He cleared his throat, "how was Lupin?"

"great, he always cheers me up, he's been really good these past few days…"

Severus noticed students sitting down a few places away and decided not to risk them overhearing. "see you later" he said quietly, and then he got up and left.

Serena watched him go, so grateful for the kindness he had shown her. She ate her dinner slowly and then went back to her office. She seemed to have more control and was able to drink water, despite it being freezing cold. She just couldn't get Kingsley's face out of her head… she hated this horrible control he still had- the way it seemed he would haunt her forever. She never wanted to forget him, she knew that but… she didn't want to keep thinking of him now he was gone, it only made her stressed and… she grabbed her coat, some money and made her decision, hurrying from her office and out the castle grounds, speeding past Minerva who gave her a startled look.

She brushed tears away as she walked, she was doing the right thing, she had to be. She needed to get rid of this feeling, Kingsley was gone- he was never coming back, she had to accept that.

The Three Broomsticks quietened as she entered, it appeared the locals knew. She kept the determined expression on her face and made her way through the crowds to a bar stool at the front.

"Firewhiskey please" she said quietly to Rosmerta, the landlady. Rosmerta seemed to calculate in her mind whether to give Serena the drink at first, but then she sighed and pulled up a glass.

"on the house."

Serena nodded in thanks and tipped back the glass, wincing as the burning feeling hit her throat. She heard the chatter resume in the bar behind her and she shut her eyes, tapping the bar for a refill. It was so… uplifting, the way it made her feel so carefree and without worries. She had another glass after, and another after that. After her third glass she no longer felt the burning of her throat, and she also forgot about the funeral the next day. It was just although she had no problems… everything was fine… She just needed to forget and move on and start reliving her life. She tapped the bar again.

"Serena my dear are you sure you should be drinking?" Rosmerta began quietly.

"just gimme the damn drink" she slurred, scowling.

Rosmerta did so, although afterwards she went into the back room, sending a quick owl to Hogwarts.

"hello gorgeous" a raspy voice said.

Serena turned and jumped at the proximity of the man leaning on the bar next to her. She blinked and then smiled; this was what she had been searching for. "hello."

"what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

Serena blinked again as she absorbed her words, seeming to process everything slower. She laughed when she worked it out.

"looking for you" she giggled, looking at the man. He was tall with dark eyes and stubble on his tanned face. His robes were black and looked grubby, but Serena did not care.

"well you found me baby, can I buy you a drink?"

She nodded and he pulled his chair even closer. Serena was completely past reason, she had forgotten to be sensible, she didn't think about the dangers, she just let herself be seduced by this man: she needed to move on from Kingsley tonight. She noticed the man had put his hand on her thigh, but she did not get the thrill she normally would. She tipped back the drink he had bought her, unaware he was watching her as though she were his prey.

"how about we take this back to my place?" the man said, watching the sexy young girl. He wanted her badly, even if she refused he thought he might force her.

"that sounds ideal" she slurred, standing up with him. He put his arm around her, "I want you babey" he murmured in her ear and she giggled loudly, staggering slightly.

It seemed Severus found her just in time, his wand clutched tightly in his hand, and Rosmerta's note in the other. The door of the Three Broomsticks was flung open by a spell from his wand. He spotted her immediately, just stumbling towards the door, giggling with some filthy rat with his arm around her. In one swoop he had his wand pressed hard against the man's throat.

"Sheverus!" Serena exclaimed delightedly, unaware of what was happening.

"who the hell are you" the man growled at Severus.

"beat it" Severus said in the lowest, most threatening voice he could muster, aware the whole bar had gone silent and was watching him. The man decided to flee, dropping his arm from Serena and disapparating.

Severus grabbed Serena's arm roughly and she squealed as he dragged her out of the pub. She let herself stagger outside into the dark with him, her mind still on finding a man. She giggled as he pulled her sharply against the wall outside.

"what the hell do you think you're playing at!" he growled at her furiously.

She took no notice of his words, gazing up delightedly into his face, "oh Severus, like it rough do you?" she giggled, leaning forward to press her lips to his.

Severus pulled back immediately, the smell of alcohol overwhelmingly sharp. "get a grip Serena."

"okay" she smiled, and in a moment she had reached and groped him. He cursed, jumping back from her when her hand touched him.

She laughed at his reaction- he was red and had to concentrate on his anger to overcome the way his body was reacting. He pressed his wand to her neck roughly, pinning her arms down. He expected to see a flash of fear in her eyes, but all he saw was delight: she was as messed up as he was.

"ethavenescol" he muttered, watching as the alcohol dissolved from her blood and the horror and realisation flashed across her face. She slumped down to the floor, staring straight ahead at Severus' dark cloak. What had she done? Was she crazy?

"Are you just completely irresponsible for your own welfare!"

She was frozen, completely stuck for words, feeling so embarrassed and upset that all her problems and emotions had returned. "answer me!" he growled, seizing her by the arms and pulling her up. The adrenalin from the panic was pumping through his veins. He was so angry, not only at what she had done but at the fact she seemed not to care about her life at all. He shook her by the shoulders when he got no response, but she continued to stare blankly at him.

"Jesus" he grabbed her arm and dragged her along behind him up to the castle. She hurried along behind him; everything seemed just a haze behind a screen. She couldn't think properly, although she knew all the alcohol had gone from her system.

She realised she was being taken to his room in the dungeons, and a moment later he had slammed and locked the door behind them. He released her arm and paced around angrily.

"why?" was his first question. She shook her head and walked slowly to the desk, sitting down on one. "answer me Serena" he growled threateningly.

Silence.

"DAMMIT SERENA!" She jumped at his voice and he swooped to her, his hands on the desk either side of her, his face less than four inches away. He looked livid.

"I…" her voice was hoarse but she tried something different, leaning forward and pressing their lips together, gently this time. There was a split second's moment of hesitation when Severus had to decide either to respond, or to pull away. He moved back quickly, his hands clasped behind his head in frustration.

"you don't understand" she said quietly.

"then explain!"

"You know the tale for children about the fountain?"

Severus looked bewildered at her words and she did not wait for an answer.

"with the three witches and the noble knight? and one of the witches has lost her lover and one of them is ill and the fountain says; _'pay me the proof of your pain' _and_ 'pay me the treasure of your past'._

How long do I have to do that for Severus? Ijust wanted a break! To forget! To not give a damn that he is dead! To not give a damn that I'm in pain and to not have to show it to all these people around me that don't give a fucking damn he's dead! I want to be like them! To not give a fucking damn that my heart has been ripped open! I wanted to move on from him, he's gone! There's nothing I can do to bring him back so why shouldn't I just get with someone else now dammit!"

"with the first piece of filth you meet! You could have been killed!"

"then you make me forget him!" she shouted. There was a slight pause… "please?" she begged him. "please."

Severus crouched down in front of her, not wanting to see her in pain.

"It doesn't work" he said firmly. "I've tried it, I've been there, I've had my moments and I tell you, it may seem fine for that night, for those hours, but the next morning… it makes things worse than it was."

"tell me about her Severus" she pleaded, looking up to watch his suddenly hidden emotions. "just tell me about her, you know all my secrets, all my feelings and it helps that I have someone who knows me, maybe it will help you-"

"I don't need help" he said standing up, his face shadowing over. He did not want to be reminded of her, of Lily.

"tell me about her." Serena ordered standing up too.

"no."

"don't be so guarded!"

"I don't talk about it!"

"then start now!"

"you have no right to-"

"I have every right!"

""it was my fault!" he shouted suddenly and silence fell upon the room.

He kicked a chair, angry that he had admitted it. "it was my fault" he muttered again. Serena said nothing, shocked he blamed himself. She waited for him to explain in his own time.

"I was young" he said heavily, so ashamed at himself. "I understand it is no excuse but I had not matured the way you have. You have lived a lifetime of sufferings- a life of someone much older than yourself, my life had not been easy I grant that but I had dealt with it by isolating myself… when the dark lord came along I jumped at the chance… I fell in with the wrong people I… I lost everything I had cared for."

Serena sat down again, unable to take her eyes off the grieving man.

"I don't believe she ever knew how much I…" he trailed off. "she married. They had a son and then… I overheard a prophecy, declaring that a boy was born who would defeat the dark lord. I had no idea of its meaning but naturally I went straight to the dark lord and he linked it to her son… I was… horrified… terrified… I did as much as I could to protect her, to beg him, to beg help of Albus but then… that disgusting rat Wormtail betrayed them… She was murdered." Severus swallowed the lump in his throat and his eyes refocused as though he was waking from a dream. He saw Serena's pitiful face, full of sympathy and it seemed to reawaken his senses. He did not talk about this, he could not. "this isn't about me- it's about you," he said eventually. "I'm furious."

"I know. I'm sorry I panicked you."

"but you're not sorry about what you did?"

She shook her head.

"why- why are you so damn self destructive!"

"because the only good thing in my life has been stolen from me," she answered truthfully.

Severus was stunned by her response and the intensity in her voice.

He found himself walking to her and pulling a desk opposite her closely. "Serena, your life is worth living. You're going to move on from this."

She avoided his gaze. "I'm not suicidal."

"I believe you, but that doesn't mean you treat your life as though it's worth living. What you did tonight was… utterly irresponsible, completely inexcusable, and very dangerous. Promise me you'll never go anywhere with a man like that again," he finished firmly.

There was a pause before she nodded, her eyes flickering up to his face. "I promise" she said quietly.

"name something positive in your life" he said quietly, wanting to make sure she would be okay.

Serena thought for a moment. "you."

He looked away, not expecting that. "then… please just keep yourself safe. For me?"

She nodded.

"we're going back to your office, you need to sleep."

"will you read to me?" she asked when they were back in her office.

He opened the book and sat down. She shifted closer to him and reached out and touched his hand, sighing when she felt nothing. "oh I wish I could feel your emotions right now" she said smiling.

"is my life a joke to you Miss Lake?"

"no Severus, let's be honest, it is mine that is the joke at the moment." Serena sighed and leant back into the sofa. Severus, as perplexed as ever opened the book and began to read. She shut her eyes at his voice, it always seem to have a calming power over her. She concentrated on every word, on every vowel sound, on the way he drawled and stretched out every other word. When he read she forgot everything apart from his words, like the alcohol but in a much happier way. Severus however was only half concentrating on the book. His eyes kept flickering between the pages and her peaceful face and brown slender legs.

His mind kept flickering between what had just happened between them and his memories of Lily and the day he had found out she had died… He had never in a million years thought he could fall in love again, but here she was, living proof before his very eyes. She was right: thinking was no good for anyone. He concentrated on the words he was reading, realising the book was about Quidditch in France.


	34. Chapter 33

Severus enjoyed reading to her, especially when she closed her eyes and he could look at her without questions. He had scarcely finished the eighth page when there was a loud knock on the door. Serena got up and opened it cautiously.. She smiled. "Albus, do come in."

"I am glad you are safe, my dear."

Severus shut the book and stood up, not wanting to seem as though he was comfortable being with her alone, which he had to admit he was.

"ah Severus, excellent, excellent" Albus said smiling.

"can I get you a cup of tea or coffee Albus?" she asked.

"that would be very welcome my dear, tea no sugar please."

"severus?"

He shook his head and she went into the kitchen.

"well Severus, I am glad you are looking after her" he said sitting on the sofa. Severus drew a wooden chair and sat far opposite him.

"I'm just doing as you ordered me to, Albus."

"perhaps, my dear boy, perhaps."

"is there a particular reason you are here Albus or are you just checking up on me?"

"I came to talk with Serena, but as you are here I would like to ask you to keep an eye on the Malfoy boy."

"I already am" he said grimly.

Albus smiled proudly, glad Severus seemed to be one step ahead of him.

"here you are Albus" Serena said, walking in and handing him a cup of tea. She sipped at her own coffee and sat on the sofa too.

"My dear I am here about arrangements tomorrow."

Serena nodded slightly.

"I have told Samuel you are not going to say anything at the service, but if you have changed your mind I-"

"no, no I haven't… I don't want to…"

"then that is settled."

"Is Samuel?"

"I believe so."

She smiled slightly. "he was always good at saying things in bad situations… he'll make us laugh, I can feel it."

"who is Samuel?" Severus asked.

"Kingsley's brother" Albus explained. "Severus have you got anywhere on that potion I asked you to prepare?"

"it is complete." He turned to Serena. "I understand things may be emotionally… difficult… for you tomorrow, so I have concocted a potion that should lower your subconscious mind field. If we can get your emotions relatively calm tonight you should be able to take this and even if you are-er- distressed tomorrow, your subconscious will not be uncontrollable, and then we should be able to get you on your normal potion. I shall go and get it now."

Severus stood up and left quickly. Serena stared after him in awe.

"Albus where did you find that man?"

He chuckled. "Is he growing on you?"

"he's… rude and socially incapable and always offends people and yet he is the most self sacrificing, generous, unbelievably intelligent man I have ever met. I owe him so much."

"severus does not see it that way."

"I do not understand you Albus."

"Severus has found something in you that he can relate to. Believe me; it is very uncommon for Severus to help anyone as he has helped you. I believe he sees himself in the same situation, those years ago, and perhaps wishes he'd had the same support? I am not sure- but you are helping him."

"he told me about her" she said quietly.

Albus turned his head in amazement.

"please Albus, don't tell him I told you so, but… he told me about her, well I sort of forced him into it actually."

"nobody can force Severus into anything."

"I'm not nobody" she said smiling slightly. "I think he felt better."

"indeed. How marvellous and bizarre."

"anyhow Albus, are there many people coming tomorrow?"

"Samuel expects over a hundred."

"okay."

"are you prepared?"

"I think so. This is… this is goodbye."

He nodded sadly.

"that's okay though" she said, trying to stop the shakiness in her voice.

"goodbye is okay."

She stood up and pretended to take her mug through to the kitchen, but when she was out of sight she quickly stopped her tears with her hand. She heard the door open and closed and she took a deep breath and walked through. Severus held up a purple bottled liquid and put it on the desk.

"we shall try later."

She nodded. "Severus… thanks…"

He nodded and Albus stood up. "well, things to do, things to do. Ten o' clock tomorrow Serena."

"yes Albus" she said quietly, walking him to the door. He grasped her hand, nodded to Severus and left the two of them alone again.

"Severus" Serena began. "I had no idea you had been making this for me…"

"it's not a problem. You forget it is a passion of mine to brew potions."

She nodded, unsure of how to thank him.

"it is supper time" he stated. "would you like to eat here or in the great hall?"

"the great hall, but let me change."

"I shall meet you there."

She nodded and he swept to the door and left.

Serena changed into black robes, fixed her hair and eyes and walked to the great hall alone. When she got there Severus was talking to Dawlish, an auror at the other side of the hall. She sat down alone and ordered a vegetable pasta dish from the menu. It appeared in front of her suddenly by magic. As she ate her eyes moved around the room. People whispered and looked at her, looking away quickly when their eyes drew contact. She sighed inwardly and lowered her eyes to her plate: she was no longer hungry. She twirled the pasta with her fork, moving it about her dish. Remus joined her and she felt slightly better, especially as he changed the subject and talked of Hogsmeade village.

"Ignore them" he said quietly, noticing the students watching her.

She raised her eyebrows, "I'm trying Remus."

"do you want me to say something?"

"nah of course not, it's okay, they won't remember next year."

"will you come back?"

"perhaps, if Albus will have me of course."

He laughed, "that's a yes then."

Serena noticed Severus watching them- he had sat down at a different table watching them.

After dinner she went back to her office, she barely sat down before there was a knock at the door and Severus walked in.

"severus, do you hate Remus so much you won't even sit with us for dinner?"

"you looked far too comfortable" he said curtly.

"I don't know what you mean by that" she said scowling.

"don't you?"

"maybe you're right, three days is more than enough to get over someone, why don't I just marry Remus after the funeral tomorrow, never mind the fact that he has a boyfriend and mine's dead?"

"that's not what I meant."

"isn't it?" she glared.

She walked into her bedroom and slammed the door behind her. Severus knew he had upset her so he did not go after her; instead he made himself a cup of coffee and sat on the sofa, waiting. She came out after ten minutes, in muggle jeans and a t shirt with a disgruntled expression on her face.

"did you make me one?" she asked in a short voice.

He started, "no, I-"

Severus noticed her trying to suppress a smile and he realised she was playing him.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly: he was not really used to apologising.

"It's fine" she said and she sat next to him. In one movement she reached over took his mug from between his hands and sipped it. "mm thanks."

Severus stared at her. It seemed he was experiencing new things today. Serena smiled to herself over her newly acquired coffee.

"how do you spend your holidays?" she asked, distracting him.

Severus let himself be distracted, admiring her nerve.

"I have a house the other side of London. I reside there."

"alone?"

"yes."

"can I write to you?"

Her question caught him off balance, "I-well-yes of course."

She nodded silently to herself.

"you will have to come and get a potion supply from me at least twice."

"from your house?"

"obviously."

"cool." She said absentmindedly.

"cool?" he repeated his eyebrows raised.

She was amused by his tone. "I just mean it will be… interesting to see where you live…"

"indeed. And where will you be living?"

She shrugged. "around."

"around?" he repeated in the same tone, making her smile again.

"yes Severus, around."

"and if I need to contact you?"

"just send me an owl."

"immediate contact?"

"can you use a muggle telephone?"

"yes."

"do you have a piece of paper?"

Severus conjured a pen and paper with a wave of his wand and Serena wrote her mobile number down. "emergencies."

"emergencies." He repeated, pocketing it. "you should take the potion now."

"what do I have to do?"

"you need to try and relax and then drink it."

Serena raised her eyebrows, wondering how on earth she was supposed to relax.

"Perhaps a lie down?" Severus said.

"perhaps" she said, knowing it would not work.

"or I could finish the chapter if you wish?"

She smiled, realising what he meant. "I do long to know more about the adventures of the Holyhead Harpies."

Severus sat on the sofa and took the book up, waiting for Serena to settle herself on the other side of the sofa, her eyes closed. He read for ten minutes and then handed her the potion. She drank it quickly and pulled a face. "it tastes like leaves."

"stop complaining."

"does this mean I'll be calm now?"

"no, your subconscious will be, you're conscious mind is free to fluctuate."

She nodded, knowing she was in for a rough emotional ride tomorrow.

"where are you sleeping tonight?" she asked him.

"here, if that's okay?"

"Severus are you not fed up of the sofa, it's not comfortable- why don't we swap for-"

"it's fine," he said firmly, silencing her. "I must go and get a change of clothes and things, I shall return shortly."

She nodded and he got up and left. Serena checked she had clothes for tomorrow, without thinking too much about why she had chosen black. She had to keep her mind off things, she had to keep distracted. She yawned, she was so tired she changed into her pyjamas and flopped out onto the bed, her guitar in hand and her eyes shut. Her fingers plucked a tune blindly, she didn't even concentrate on what she was playing, and instead she just listened to the music she produced. She realised it was _stairway to heaven_, one of her favourites.

_There's a lady who knows, all that glitters is gold, and she's buying a stairway to hea-ven. _

Serena sang along in a sweet voice.

_When she gets there she knows, if the stores are all closed, with a word she can get what she came-for. _

She was so lost in the music she did not hear the door opening, or feel Severus' presence by the door watching her. Not only was he marvelled by her playing, but her sweet, quiet singing moved him. He watched silently, not wanting her to hear him.

_There's a sign on the door, but she wants to be sure, because you know sometimes words have, two mea-nings._

She moved into a solo and Severus was amazed by how quick her fingers could move, and the sounds they could create.

_And she's buying a stairway… to heaven… _

When the song finished Serena moved on to something else, but in the pause she sensed a movement by the door. "Severus I did not know you liked music" she said, her eyes remaining shut. Severus wondered if she knew he had been there all along. "I do not" he replied watching her, "but I… it's marvelling to watch you play so skilfully."

"I'll take that as a compliment" she said smiling.

"how long have you played for?"

"about seven years…"

Serena stood up, putting the guitar back on its stand. Severus was holding a black bag in his hand and she figured it contained his clothes. She noticed his eyes graze up her body but she was too tired to scold him. She yawned, "what time is it?"

"just eleven o' clock."

"I might try and sleep."

"that is wise."

"help yourself to any books or coffee or whatever if you're staying up for a while."

He nodded and turned back into the living room, pausing just before he shut the door. "if you need me in the night, don't hesitate."

She nodded, full of gratitude. "good night, Severus."

"Serena."

He shut the bedroom door and Serena sighed, suddenly filled with sadness. This time last week she has been asleep in Kingsley's arms, an engagement ring on her finger, and together in this very room. Now, she was alone in the darkness, and tomorrow she would be attending his funeral…

She brushed her teeth and lay down on her side of the bed, her eyes wide open staring into the darkness. She heard Severus moving about in the next room and the sound calmed her slightly. She knew she had to sleep, she had to rest but the more she thought about why the more stressed she became. She rolled over into Kingsley's pillow: it still smelt of his smoky dark smell. She inhaled deeply, imagining it was him lying next to her and soon she dropped off.

Severus took up a book in the other room and lay on the sofa reading. Occasionally he would stop and listen intently for movement next door, but he heard nothing. When he had finished the second chapter he took the time to write a letter to the potioneer in Diagon Alley concerning a rare ingredient that he would need to be imported for a potion.

It was half past midnight when Severus lay back and slept, but his rest was short.

At half past two he awoke, listening sharply for what had awoken him. He heard movement in the bedroom and knew Serena was awake. He got up, his wand in hand and cautiously opened the bedroom door. He saw her figure perched on the end of the bed, hugging her knees and rocking back and forth as she had done in the hospital wing. He did not need to think about his actions, he sat next to her and put his arms around her shaking body. She turned and cried into his cloak, finding so much security and comfort from his being there. Tears poured down her cheeks but she concentrated on controlling her breathing, and soon they stopped.

"I'm sorry" she said, her voice muffled.

"I told you not to apologise" he said quietly, stroking her hair softly. "It's natural to be upset."

"I'm terrified" she whispered.

"what are you scared of?"

Serena did not answer, too embarrassed. She knew it was stupid to be scared but that did not stop her feeling it…

"answer me" he said in a quiet purring voice in her ear.

She sighed, "I'm being stupid…"

Severus leant back slightly, using a hand to lift her chin. One glance into her eyes told him the truth and she scowled at him.

"you should not feel ashamed" he said quietly, "even if you are being ridiculous."

She looked away from him.

"You're not alone" he said quietly. "you have friends- Remus, Albus, lots of friends." He paused and then said quietly, "I am here."

Serena turned and looked up at his smooth, emotionless face; he was always so good at concealing his feelings.

"I am sorry I woke you Severus, you should go back to-"

"it's fine."

She sighed, leaning into his arm that was still around her shoulder. "can we go for a walk?" she asked.

"a walk?"

"outside."

"if you wish."

She stood up and took her long coat that trailed down to the floor, tying it closed above her waist. Severus watched her, captivated by her beauty and perfect figure. The long cloak exaggerated her breasts and made her legs look, if possible, even longer. She splashed water on her face and smoothed her hair down. "come on" she said to him and he followed her out, locking the door with a wave of her wand.

It was three o' clock in the morning and nothing stirred in the castle. The grounds seemed slightly eerie to Severus but Serena sighed contently, breathing the fresh air in deeply. Severus put his hands in his pockets and walked with her towards the lake. As they walked around at the waters' edge, she slipped her arm through his. He said nothing, liking the feeling of her feeling safe with him. They walked for almost half an hour through the forest and then round by the lake again.

"can we sit?" she asked.

He nodded and she directed him to a large tree. She sat down against the bottom of the trunk, and Severus sat down next to her carefully. She leant backwards, shutting her eyes.

"Severus, I think I am going to sleep out here tonight."

"okay" he said, knowing he could not argue with her.

"do you want to go back and just wake me in the morning?"

"no."

"… thank you."

He wanted to put his arm around her again, but she seemed content against the tree. He sat with her, patiently waiting until she fell asleep. When she did he took his cloak off and spread it over her, making sure she was warm. He then sat back and drifted into slumber himself.


	35. Chapter 34

Serena woke with the sunlight the next morning. Her head lulled to the side and she opened her eyes slowly. She saw a dark figure standing about twenty yards in front of her, gazing out across the glistening lake and recognised it as Severus.

She sat up and noticed the cloak draped around her, it was Severus' and she realised she had slept with it. It smelt of spices and that musky potion smell he carried with him. She stood up, wrapping it around her shoulder and walked up to meet him.

He turned to her when he heard her and was wary of her reaction- he was unsure of her feelings this morning.

"good morning."

"is it?" she said quietly. "what time is it?"

"eight, we should go inside, students will be awaking."

She nodded and they walked back to the castle. "here" she said, handing him his cloak before they entered the castle. He nodded and took it from her, knowing they had to keep normality before the students. "I shall follow you in five minutes" he said quietly, "I have to send an owl."

She nodded and he turned away. As she walked, students emerged from common rooms and from the great hall. She got looks of pity from everyone, and they seemed to grow quiet as she passed. She kept a defiant look on her face, raising her shirt collar with her slightly shaking hands. When she reached her office she leant against the door in relief.

"calm" she said to herself. "it's okay, it's going to be alright Serena, pull yourself together."

She went for a shower, the water was cold and she shivered intensely, but it was worth it. She wrapped a small towel around her and walked out into the bedroom.

"Severus?" she called nervously through the bedroom door.

"I am here" he called, having just got in.

She nodded to herself and dried and styled her hair. She kept murmuring away to herself, keeping her mind on other things, keeping concentrated on everything else, she had to keep control; she had to be strong for Kingsley. She lined her eyes in black and used waterproof mascara in case she cried.

"It's nine thirty" she told herself, "it's okay, it's just ok."

She changed into her black corset robes, with her long coat over. She pinned a black flower into her ruffled hair and put on her black high heels, the high ones Kingsley loved her in. "see Kingsley, I knew you'd like these" she murmured. "you said they were too expensive, but a good investment I said."

She looked at the photo frame besides her bed of the two of them dancing and gasped at the lump in her throat. She shook her head looking away. _It's okay Serena, it's okay, it's okay, keep calm, it's going to be fine._ She took a deep breath and opened the door into the living room. Severus stood up to greet her.

"you look… perfect" he said quietly, knowing she needed all the confidence she could get. She nodded in appreciation, noticing he was wearing different black robes to normal. They looked more expensive, and he wore a black shirt underneath rather than a white one.

"shall we go?" Severus asked.

She nodded, keeping her lips pressed tightly together. As she walked with him along the corridor Severus noticed that although she was still smaller than him she was about three inches higher and he realised she was wearing heels. He found them attractive but knew it would be inappropriate to say anything. She kept breathing at a steady pace, in, out, in and out, the rhythm kept her sane.

Severus took her hand and linked it through his arm as they had done last night and she squeezed it tightly, showing without words her gratefulness.

When they reached the entrance hall there were already people waiting there- Albus, Remus, Dawlish, Minerva, Filius, Poppy, Sirius and a man she recognised as the barman from the hogs head. They were all dressed in black and wore the same look on each of their faces. Serena pulled away from Severus and met Remus in a tight hug.

"don't worry" he whispered in her ear. "we're here for you."

She nodded and he put his arm around her comfortingly.

Albus walked over and grasped her hand. "We are just waiting for Nymphadora my dear, and might I say you look wonderful."

She tried and failed to smile at him but he swept away again. Tonks arrived in under a minute and they all silently turned, walking in a precession down the drive towards the gates where they could apparate. Severus walked behind with Minerva and Dawlish, watching as Remus took Serena's hand tightly. He scowled; knowing today was not the day to be jealous, but not being able to help himself.

"poor girl" Minerva said, following his gaze. "and they had just got engaged…"

Severus did not reply.

"do you know what she plans to do for the summer Severus?"

"I believe she wants to travel abroad. I know for certain she does not wish to stay around here."

"understandable."

"running away is not the answer."

Before Minerva had a chance to reply Albus indicated it was time to apparate and they all turned into the darkness. Serena concentrated as hard as she could and suddenly felt fresh air wafting around her. Remus squeezed her hand and she felt reassured.

She opened her eyes.

They were on a large lawn area, there were over a hundred black seats lined out, facing towards a golden table at the front- with a silver coffin on top… his silver coffin… There were many people standing about, wearing black and talking in low hushed voices. Many turned and pointed to her and she knew they were talking about her but she did not care. She recognised one man making his way swiftly towards the group and he stretched his arms out towards her when he saw her. She rushed to him and he grasped her in a tight hug.

It was Samuel, tall and black like Kingsley, but with softer, less muscular features. His eyes were bright blue contrasted with the warm brown of Kingsley's.

Here he was, suffering her pain, feeling the loss, the emptiness too. A tear escaped and trickled down her cheek and she pressed her lips together tightly.

"I'm so glad you're here" Samuel said to her. They turned towards the group, Samuel taking Serena's hand.

"everyone this is Samuel, Kingsley's brother… Samuel, most of these you know, but this is Sirius, Tonks and Filius, they were good friends of..." She trailed off and looked away from them all as he shook their hands and then turned back to Serena.

"you're not going to say anything?" he asked her in Kingsley's deep voice.

She shook her head. "I couldn't… not in front of all these people. I hardly know any of them…"

"they're from the ministry" he said frowning. "aurors, but also… just officials who have to be here…"

She nodded, breathing the air in deeply. She gazed up to the sky- the sun had come out and the clouds had cleared. She did not know if it was magic or if it was natural, but she breathed in the fresh air as though it was life itself. As she gazed around she saw many people, including Albus and Minerva had taken their seats. Samuel was talking and so he had to sit at the front.

"where are you sitting?" he asked quietly.

"the back… make us laugh Samuel."

He smiled, "I'll do my best."

Samuel excused himself and Serena played with her coming-of-age silver ring, feeling lost amongst all the people. Severus spotted her alone and carved a path through the crowd towards her.

"Serena."

She looked up and was relieved to see him.

"the service is beginning in a few minutes."

She nodded. "I do warn you not to sit with me Severus, I'm going to cry awfully."

"I am used to it, by now," he said, making her smile slightly.

She sat down on a chair at the back and Severus joined her. She watched as more people sat, guessing that there were over a hundred. Some she recognised as Kingsley's cousins or friends from work and they raised a hand or bowed to her when they passed.

"Is Samuel married?" Severus asked, trying to distract her mind.

"Yes, he's with the woman at the front in the corner, you see?" she said, "with the red hair band."

"I see."

"they have a child, about two years old… max…I met her when I first lived with… with Kingsley" she struggled, "but they were just friends then."

At that moment music started and the crowd hushed. Serena breathed in and out, in and out. A small bald man stood up at the front.

"we are gathered here today, in memory of Kingsley James Shacklebolt, a dear friend, a cherished brother and a loving fiancé.

Tears began to trickle down Serena's cheeks as she remembered the night he had proposed. The candles… the meal he had cooked for them and then finally, the words. There had been no other answer than 'yes' and she had not even had to think about it. Mrs Serena Shacklebolt, he had called her, but of course she would never been known by that, the moment had passed, he was an 'almost lover'. She would never be 'his' again. She wiped her tears and refocused her blurry eyes on the talking man. Severus glanced sideways at her – she was crying, but in a calm and controlled manner, wiping away the tears as they fell.

A small woman stood up at the front and Serena recognised it to be one of Kingsley's work friends.

"If we fail" she said loudly, "we try again. We fight for peace and we fight for equality and we fight if we die trying. Kingsley said those words every time he led his team outside the ministry. He fought for everything he believed in and if he thought something was wrong he would tell us. His main concentration was the safety of his team, always before his own. He gave everything to us and we are the aurors that we are today because we followed his example. His words will forever echo in our minds and for this," she turned towards the coffin and smiled slightly, "we thank you." She brushed away tears and sat back down.

Serena clapped along with everyone else, wanting to thank her for being so honest about Kingsley.

Another ministry official stood up and began to talk in a generic fashion. Serena heard the phrases, "kind of heart," "generous and loving," "hardworking and committed". He pretended to brush away fake tears for a fake loss.

Her thoughts wandered again, back to when Kingsley would sit studying for his auror modules on his big arm chair. She would sit nestled in his lap, kissing his neck and testing him on the various histories he had to know about. 'how can I concentrate?" he would murmur deeply, 'if you keep kissing me?' She would laugh and say she was just imputing the same amount of distraction the death eaters would- and so he needed to deal with it.

Of course he could not deal with it very well and after a while he would succumb, kissing her lips and throwing his books to the floor. She almost smiled as she reflected, but then reality returned and her smiled vanished, replaced by tears of the real, tears of him, gone, forever. Severus moved his chair over and put his arm around her, glad they were sitting at the back. She buried her head in his chest, shaking slightly and just letting go. Severus gazed over her head grimly. He wrapped his arms around her and rocked her gently back and forth. If people turned around to shoot her looks of pity he would look away from them, but sometimes he caught their shock as they realised it was him- comforting her- voluntarily. A few minutes later Severus noticed a man stand at the front.

"Serena" he murmured. "Samuel…"

She looked up to the front and inhaled deeply. She caught Samuel's eye and she nodded at him encouragingly.

"Kingsley" he began, "was my older brother, the clever one... it's safe to say I inherited the good looks" a low murmur of laughter rang through the crowd and Samuel gained confidence. "he was a great brother, always helping me with school work, spells, potions, everything but women…" Serena laughed through her tears and he caught her eye again, smiling too. "but of course, Kingsley did not need to be great with women- he had found the perfect one before he had turned twenty three and they were unstoppable." He smiled at her warmly.

"When he first introduced me to Serena I thought he was joking- that he had paid her to say he was with her, but apparently he had just slipped her a love potion." She laughed, so glad Samuel was talking and not her, he knew how to lighten the mood, which was exactly what Kingsley would have wanted. "well anyway, all these years on, despite a few glitches, they announced they were engaged, which was great for me. I thought I was finally getting a little sister, and even though he may be gone, she's not getting away from me that easily."

The crowd laughed, some turning back in their seats to see Serena. She ignored them, focussed on Samuel as though there was nothing else.

"I have seen Kingsley in some of the best and worst times of his life. Kingsley was loved and admired by many, myself included. He was the best brother any man could ask for, a great uncle, a loyal friend and a damn good woman magnet.

"No seriously," he said, smiling to himself. "Here's to you mate, I'm going to miss you." He bowed towards Kingsley's coffin and sat back down, dabbing his eyes slightly.

Serena leant into Severus' side, grasping his hand as the minister stood back up. Severus glanced down at her small hand inside his and found himself imagining them as a couple together… He looked up, trying to distract his mind. The man at the front was ending the ceremony.

"And now we say goodbye to this great wizard. Oh lord, take Kingsley into your arms, watch over him and protect him. In the name of the Father," he waved his wand and white flames erupted around Kingsley, "the son," they turned green, "and the holy spirit." The flames turned red and then back to white and Serena watched through tears as his body was cremated through magic in front of them. The flames died as quickly as they had been started and the man raised his wand.

"Kingsley Shacklebolt" he said loudly and the crowd echoed his words. White sparks erupted from his wand and shot into the sky, producing white smoke like fireworks. There was silence and then the crowd began to talk and some stood up: the service had ended.

Severus stood up and Serena clung to his arm tightly. "I am not going to leave your side if you wish me not to" he said in her ear quietly. "however, I would appreciate it if you did not cut off my blood circulation."

Serena let go, her mouth twitching slightly, glad Severus could turn her mind at a time like this. She sat back down and he put his arm around her, for which she was grateful.

"acceptance" she said quietly. "I have reached it."

"reached it?"

"there are said to be seven stages of grief… I believe acceptance is the last… Others are anger, guilt, disbelief- which I remember blaming you for… I am sorry" she said looking up at him. "for the ridiculous things I said…"

Her words flashed back to Severus but he was taken aback by her apology. "you… don't need to apologise Serena, you weren't thinking it's… understandable, I assure you, it's fine."

"Serena," a middle aged man walked over to them, wearing wizard robes and a black hat. "Simone" she said, standing up to hug him. Severus stood too, feeling slightly awkward. "Severus this is Simone, Kingsley's cousin, Simone this is Severus, he's… he's been looking after me." Severus raised his eyebrows at this statement but shook hands with the man all the same.

"how are you?" the man asked.

"I… fine, fine" she said trying to smile bravely. "just a, a big change now…"

He nodded.

"um… we have to go" Serena said, stepping backwards, "see you soon Simone."

When they were out of ear shot she sighed. "when are we going to Grimauld place?"

"now if you wish?"

"I do wish."

Severus walked to Albus who was talking to a group of people and muttered something to him. He nodded and Severus offered an arm to Serena.

"we can apparate now."

She took his arm and they both turned into the darkness together. She had only just landed when she felt Severus push her through a door and suddenly she was in the hall of Grimauld Place. The long, dark narrow corridor seemed daunting but Severus led her through with a hand on her shoulder to the kitchen where they could hear voices.

Molly and Arthur Weasley, Remus and Tonks were waiting there.

"more people will be arriving soon" Severus explained.

She went to Remus and he hugged her whilst Severus helped himself to a drink of brandy.

They were soon joined by many of the teachers, including Minerva, Filius and Pomona, and then by a few people in Kingsley's family he did not recognise. As the room filled up he spotted Serena on her own again, sitting on the table and twirling her ring between her fingers. He strolled over and sat next to her.

"do you want to be alone?" he murmured.

She shook her head. "just some questions and comments I'd rather avoid…"

"I don't understand you."

"I know" she said quietly, rather than explaining.

They sat in silence for a while as the room filled up with people. Serena got up when Samuel came, praising his speech. "you made me laugh Samuel" she said smiling up at him. "that's a pretty damn impossible thing you accomplished."

"I'm glad I did… he would have liked that… Are you going to say something now?"

"will you stand with me?"

"of course."

Samuel raised his wand and shot sparks in the air. The conversation died down.

Serena cleared her throat and addressed them. "um, first of all I want to thank you all for being here today, I am grateful and Kingsley would have been too… He… he wouldn't have wanted to die… not because he was afraid of death, but because he would not have wanted us to be here, mourning him and feeling the pain of loss.

"Kingsley turned my life around, he brought me salvation… He gave everything for me and I should have told him every day how much he meant to me, but- this is hope" she said bravely. "because the past few days have been…horrific… but Kingsley would say, we think about it, and then we reach acceptance and we pick ourselves back up and carry on and fight again… Just… don't you dare forget him" she said her voice breaking with emotion.

She raised her glass and looked out at everyone through her tears. "Kingsley."

The room filled with echoes of his name and Serena felt arms around her. It was Samuel and she wrapped her arms around his waist, crying.

Severus watched her from across the room. He had seen people dying, their partners being upset before, but he could feel how true her love for him was. She had said she'd never forget him… does that mean she would never want to be with someone else? He was unsure what to do and that made him uncomfortable. If she found out about his feelings towards her… it could go one of two ways- she would realise she felt the same way and he would be granted the luckiest man on the earth, or she would be horrified that he could have such feelings when her lover had just died- she would be disgusted and their 'friendship' would be shattered.

He could not tell her now he knew it, he didn't think he could ever tell her. But then, that was what he had done with Lily, he had never told her… perhaps things would have been different if he had…

"still can't feel emotions" a voice said and he jumped, realising Serena was there next to him.

"sorry?"

"I still can't feel emotions" she repeated.

"I see." He risked a glance at her, she was not crying but her eyes looked red, however if anything she looked stronger now, she was right- she looked as though everything had been accepted, that life was hard but… she had to move on…

"It should return, in time, but of course no one can be sure- there are very few people in the world who can do what you can."

She nodded understanding. "do we need to continue occlumency this summer?"

"I have not yet decided. "you shall come to my office on Friday night, we'll go through some things and I'll make a decision."

"can we make it Friday afternoon? I was hoping to be gone by the evening."

"so soon?"

She nodded.

"do you know where you are going yet?"

"I'm going to France for a week I think… I can speak the language so it will be easier."

"I did not know that."

Molly and Arthur came up to them and said goodbye, each other them hugging Serena gently. She thanked them for coming and said she'd see them soon, but she wondered if she would.

"This potion is working" she said quietly. "I haven't smashed a single glass, I think that's a record."

"It will wear off tonight."

"well thank you, Severus, it must have taken you ages to create."

"not really."

"that clever are you?" she said smiling.

He said nothing and more people came to say goodbye to her. After a while only a few people remained- Severus, Serena, Albus, Remus and Sirius. It was three o' clock.

"I'm going back to the castle" she decided aloud.

"my dear, might I escort you?" Albus said smiling.

She nodded and smiled too, glad for the company. She went to Remus and hugged him and then she hugged Sirius too which angered Severus- he hated the man.

She walked up to Severus and grasped his fingers with her hand and then she gave him a kiss on the cheek which stunned him.

He was glad Sirius and Remus had taken the moment to look away. She gazed into his face for a moment, so thankful for his company the past few days. She showed him how grateful she was without words, through legilimency and as always he shrugged it off, telling her it was fine, just following orders. She turned and walked out with Albus behind her and Severus stared off after them, still feeling her lips on his skin.

"staying for a drink Snivellus?" Sirius retorted.

Severus made the difficult decision to walk away, rather than turning his wand on that unworthy mutt. He turned on his heel and apparated as soon as he reached the top step.

* * *

**Author's Note: phew. that was a struggle. **

**firstly i wanna thank you guys for all your support and reviews! DON'T WORRY! it's not the end! but each one makes me smile and gives me the inspiration for the next chapter. so thanks! tell me what you thought of today's episode. **


	36. Chapter 35

Serena sat with Albus in his office, a large glass of brandy each.

"that must have been so hard for you," he said kindly.

"I feel so empty" she said quietly.

"but as you said so very gallantly, we must pick ourselves up, you must walk on."

"he would want me to be happy, right?" she said smiling at the idiom.

"he would want you to live your life to the full."

"and that means… moving on…"

"it does, but in your own time."

"my own time. How do you define that? How do you know when the right time is? When you should stop grieving, should stop crying at the sound of his name?"

"You shall know when the time comes, in the mean time… just divert your mind and soon… you will feel ready to move on."

"and then what? If I do ever find someone, how could I not compare them to him, how can I not feel guilty about doing that to Kingsley? How on god's earth could I ever love someone as much as him?"

"Serena…" he leaned across to look at her closely. "Your love for Kingsley will never die. But everyone is different, you can love again but… love is immeasurable."

"immeasurable" she repeated. "you're right Albus, you're right. I… how could I even…"

"When the right man comes along, or you realise your feelings for someone… You will know, and you won't be able to stop it- you said yourself, love is unstoppable."

"I just… I can't imagine myself being with another man… not after Kingsley…"

"you just need time, you can't live your life in the past forever."

"time shall heal," she said quietly. "that's what Severus keeps telling me."

"he is right."

"he is… quite brilliant. Him and Remus have been so great these past few days, I could not have asked for more."

Albus nodded, knowing his plan was in motion and that Severus was making a good impression on her. He knew the man could care, deep down- if he found the right girl, which it seemed he had.

At five o' clock Serena left Albus' and went back to her own office. She changed into muggle jeans and a long white shirt, rolled up at the sleeves and open at the neck. She wanted to make a contrast, between the depressing, mourning black, and her new white- the hope, the peace, the calm. She was just tying a white ribbon into her hair when there was a knock on the door. "come in."

It was Severus, back in his normal teaching robes. "I am simply here to collect my belongings."

"sure.'

He came in and picked up his bag. "are you going somewhere?"

"just for dinner, would you like to join me?"

"I shall walk you there, but I will eat later tonight."

"okay, hang on."

She went back to the mirror and tied the bow in her hair.

"you look…" Severus trailed off, his words would seem pathetic but she smiled at him in the mirror slightly.

"oh, here" he said, drawing her wand from his cloak. "this is yours."

She took it from him smiling. "I've missed it. You don't notice do you? When you're young and you have not yet been told about Hogwarts… you feel so powerful practising the natural magic you have with you, thinking that's all you need, but when you get your wand it's like after that moment you can't live without it. It becomes part of you… does that make sense?"

"it does. But magically a wand _does_ become part of you. It chooses you."

"It chooses you" she repeated thoughtfully.

Severus raised his eyebrows at her languid expression but said nothing.

They walked together, Serena keeping her mind distracted, either counting her footsteps or trying to memorise paintings.

Severus felt her tension. "are you sure you want to eat in the great hall?"

"I am not hiding."

"it would not be seen as hiding, it would be understandable."

"I want to get back to normal. Speaking of which, has Albus said I am safe to be alone now?"

"I don't believe it was just for safety," Severus said, then regretting it.

Luckily for him, Serena did not fully understand what he meant.

"but yes, he has."

"good, I do not wish to be a nuisance."

"you are not a nuisance."

Silence.

"why do you hate Remus and Sirius?" she asked curiously as they reached the doors.

Severus had always admired her straight forward, abrupt approach, but not this time. "good evening, Miss Lake" he said, bowing to her slightly and then turning and walking back to his office.

She smiled slightly at his exit and then took a deep breath, walking into the hall, her head held high. She walked quickly to a bench and sat down, taking a lemon tart immediately, her eyes on her plate. She felt gazes and heard whispers but she did not let them bother her, instead she counted the number of windows around the room, and then the number of window panes. She ate quickly, not really tasting the food and then she went back to her office.

She was shattered, absolutely out of it and she changed into her pyjamas despite it only being early evening. She decided to sleep, so she set her alarm for ten the next day and curled up under the covers. It was so horrible, sleeping alone and she ended up clinging onto Kingsley's pillow, tears escaping from the corners of her eyes. She soon slipped into the dark unconscious and her tears dried on his pillow.

"shit."

The alarm awoke her the next morning, reminding her she had decided to teach. She had a banging head ache and felt like crap but she had to make the effort. She showered and changed into deep purple robes, grabbed her lesson plan and hurried out to her office. Her class were waiting for her and they all fell silent as she walked in. She sat on top of her desk and looked out at all their faces, expressions ranging from shock to pity.

"I know you weren't expecting me today, but I am concerned we have not finished our syllabus and I would like you to learn the summoning charm by the end of term. It's a difficult spell, but as long as you have the concentration it becomes easier." Just like time, she thought. "The incantation is '_accio' _can you all repeat- without wands please."

The class repeated the word in unison, as everyone had with Kingsley's name yesterday. She swallowed her feelings.

"I shall demonstrate." She cast the spell aloud a few times and then set her class to practise.

They were extremely well behaved and she wondered whether Albus had warned them. They kept glancing at her and whispering but she did not say anything. Her next lesson went much the same, and she found it better to be busy around the students- it stopped her thinking.

She was glad she had decided to teach and the day went like a flash- she did not even have time for lunch. She ate dinner marking assignments in her office, interrupted once by Remus who had come to see how she was.

The evening was spent in Albus' office, discussing her day and plans for the holidays.

"I understand I cannot force you my dear, but I can try and persuade you to come back next year."

"Albus I don't know I… do it really want to stay in the same place for more than a year? I usually move around, I don't stay attached in one place for so long."

"you are afraid" he said softly.

"I'm not afraid I just…"

"you are afraid of becoming a part of this castle, of this family we have here. You are afraid of commitment."

"I don't want to argue with you Albus" she sighed.

"stay, you have friends here. Plus, I don't want to have to look for two new teachers."

"two?"

"I believe Remus is resigning at the end of this year."

"why?" she said, shocked.

"some people have found out about him being a werewolf… he knows the parents will soon find out."

"how do the students know?"

"ah, I believe a slip of the tongue from Severus…"

Serena scowled. "outrageous bastard."

He chuckled. "I don't think he panned to stay for more than a year anyway."

"well it should have been his decision! Not Severus' to selfishly make for him!"

"Severus will be Severus."

"what is it between them two anyway? And Sirius, they hate each other."

"ah, that is a tale I have not the right to tell."

She nodded and sighed.

"I must be going Albus, it's getting late."

"Indeed, would you like me to walk you back to your office?"

"no thank you, it's fine Albus. Thanks all the same. I'll see you soon."

He stood up and she left with a small wave, however instead of going to her office she went quickly down to the dungeons and banged on the door of Severus' office.

She waited twenty seconds before it was flung open and an angry looking Severus stood there.

"what the hell are you playing at!" she cried angrily. "telling students about Remus' condition! That's not your story to tell."

"I don't know what you're talking about" he said, turning his back on her and walking into his office.

"don't be so damn arrogant."

"will you shut the door on your way out?"

Serena scowled and slammed it shut, but remaining in the room. "jerk."

Severus almost smiled as he stirred his potion- one turn clockwise, three anti-clockwise.

"you don't think you've done anything wrong, do you?"

"I have not."

"You just think they had a 'right to know'?"

"perhaps."

Serena scowled and sat down on the desk. She knew she couldn't stop him, or talk any sense into him, it was who he was- he had no boundaries.

She watched him standing over a large cauldron. "what are you making?"

He raised his eyebrows and looked up at her sudden change in subject.

"your potion, actually."

Serena felt guilty suddenly, that he was spending his evening making something for her.

"Perhaps… you could show me how to make it and then you wouldn't have to."

"no, it has to be precise," he said firmly, but he knew it was not the real reason. It was his connection to her.

He dropped the final ingredient in and the cauldron turned green. He poured it into a large glass vial and corked it. "This should last you about two weeks."

"I… thank you."

"when you run out you shall have to come to my house in London- It has to be made fresh."

"how can I apparate there is I have no picture in my mind of the place?"

Severus sighed and walked over to her.

"close your eyes."

She did so without a second's hesitance and he realized how much she trusted him. He moved closer to her, almost reluctantly, not wanting his feelings to overwhelm him. He was glad the recent shock had stopped her emotional gateway and that she could not feel the love and lust that was pounding in his heart at that moment. He pressed his hands gently to her head and forced an image from his mind into hers, opening his thoughts to hers in a controlled manner. Serena saw a dark terraced street, near a small dirty river. There was a hill embankment at the side of it but she concentrated on the small houses. Then the image went black and she opened her eyes. Severus lowered his hands but he did not step back.

"that was… something I've never experienced," Serena said in awe gazing up at his unreadable face. "what happened?"

"I used legilimency to convey a thought from my mind into yours. It's easier through contact rather than sight, but sight is possible."

"you and Albus used it" she said suddenly remembering. "when we came back from the ministry…"

He nodded, not wanting to upset her by talking about that night.

"so that's where you live?" she said changing the subject.

"number three, the end terrace. Knock four times."

He turned around a busied himself with something. "you're wondering" he began in a slightly teasing voice. "why I live in such a miserable place."

"I wondered" she said smiling slightly. "and then attempted at answering the question myself."

"the verdict?"

"well… you spend only a short amount of time there every year. It's low profile- which is what you need as a disliked Slytherin and death eater. I imagine it has everything you need- including somewhere you can brew potions, so what's the point in moving?"

"all very generic" he said sarcastically.

"I'm not finished." She said quietly, now hitting the sad, more sensitive reason. "I guess it's the house you grew up in- full of unhappy memories you force yourself to not forget, because you have to be unhappy, you have to suffer, but also you keep reminding yourself that you are not going to be like your father- you are not going to treat your girl in the filthy way he treated his. You want to differ yourself from him, move away from him, but the only way you feel you can do that is by enduring your remembrance of them every single second."

She paused to look up at his livid glare, "it makes sense."

Severus said nothing- he wanted to be angry with her, but she had told the truth- she had guessed correctly…

"how did they die?" she asked quietly.

He did not speak for a while and then he looked at her without emotion, "my mother killed herself. My father could not survive without someone to bow down at his every command."

She knew it would be conventional to say 'sorry', but she knew he would not want her pity.

"I don't think you're like your father," she said quietly.

He said nothing, but she did not know how much her words meant to him. He turned and walked into the kitchen. She waited quietly, wondering if he just wanted some space or time to think but he came back in less than five minutes, holding two cups of coffee.

She smiled and thanked him, blowing on the hot steam before taking a sip.

"are you afraid of death, Severus?"

His head jerked upwards at her sudden question, but her face was unreadable.

"no" he said casually.

"why is that?"

"I was not aware this was an interrogation, Miss Lake," he said calmly, making her smiled himself slightly at the sound.

"I did not know you spoke French."

"Yes, I spent about six months there studying. I can speak Italian and Spanish too."

"Impressive."

She shrugged, "I like languages. Do you know who Albus will hire for the new defence against the dark arts post?"

"no."

"are you going to apply?"

"perhaps."

"Listen, I have to go."

He nodded and stood up with her.

"I probably won't see you tomorrow, I'm leaving straight after lessons, so I'll say good bye now." She walked up to him and smiled slightly. "Just… thanks for everything… this past week especially…I… I couldn't have got through it without you."

"I think you could have," he said quietly.

She smiled slightly and then reached up and hugged him, her arms wrapping around his shoulder and neck lightly. He put his hands gently on her waist, holding her to him as though she were his, as though he had the right to touch her. She drew back slightly and looked into his dark eyes, a serious expression on her face.

"take care of yourself," she murmured softly and then turned and walked away, picking up her potion and shutting the door behind her.

Severus watched her go, his hands still hovering in the air where her small waist had been, craving for her touch again. The feel of her hands, caressing around his shoulders, her breath on his neck…

He cleared his throat and span around, looking for something to busy himself, to distract him from the longing, the craving, the need.

Serena was quite sad as she walked up to her office- she would miss him. Due to her occlumency and other problems there had not been a week all year when she had not seen him: they had become good friends, or at least they had accepted each other- and that was a good start.

She took a sleeping potion before she went to bed- she would be busy tomorrow and did not want lack of sleep to stop her. She knew that if she did not take it she'd be lying awake for hours… thinking about Kingsley.


	37. Chapter 36

_Dear Severus, _

_I said I would write and so here I am writing. I have spent my first week in the south of France, meeting some old friends and keeping myself busy. Tomorrow I will drive to Spain; I am ashamed to admit I have 'borrowed' a very nice car from a not very nice man. However the police did not catch me, which makes me happier- perhaps you are right- it is my need for control returning. I hope you are well- I understand you've had an important meeting this week._

_Awaiting your owl,_

_Serena. _

_Dearest Serena, _

_I am writing to invite you to the annual staff summer ball I am holding at Hogwarts on the twenty seventh of July. The ball shall begin at seven o' clock on that Saturday night, friends are welcome. _

_I am yours,_

_Albus Dumbledore._

_Miss Lake, _

_I strongly advise you to stop your sudden impulses to 'borrow' or 'accidentally take' things from the muggle community, no matter how unworthy they are. Your need for control is normal- your life has been uncontrollable of late, however it will return to normal, and normal is not you in a muggle prison. I also did not know you could drive- what is the point might I ask? Why do you simply not fly or apparate? _

_I am well, the meeting went no better than expected. _

_Severus Snape. _

_Albus,_

_I would be delighted to attend the ball- I hope however a date is not required! I am quite hopeless on that subject. I have started shopping for a dress already- the problems you cause me! _

_Hoping to see you soon,_

_Serena. _

_Severus, _

_Must you always call me 'miss lake?' it is so formal and daunting. It also reminds me of my mother-and by me saying that you must never call me it again else I label you 'Mr. Snape 'and see how you like that. Your letter did make me smile-although I am positive that was not your intention. I guess by your question that you can not drive- although of course you shall ask 'why would I need to learn when I can just enchant the car myself.' Driving… it is calming, you can think and concentrate at the same time and you are always preoccupied. _

_Spain is sunny- as always, which cheers me up greatly. I have taken up surfing with my wizard friend Marco who lives here- it is my new hobby to stop me from stealing things- happy now? _

_I still have no emotional feeling- it is frustrating. Having lived my whole life with it, I have begun to take it for granted- now everything is confusing, and it is so much more difficult to persuade people or understand them. _

_Also, I have only four days of potion left- might I come and collect some more this weekend? _

_Yours, _

_Serena. _

_My dear friend, _

_I promised I would write to you and I have lots of news. _

_I have spent a lot of time in Grimauld place with Sirius, but also I took your advice and asked Dora out for dinner. It didn't go too well! I think we are incompatible, however we are great friends still. so don't worry. I shall fill you in when I next see you._

_Are you coming to the ball this summer? I hope I shall see you there. _

_I have had no luck yet on finding a new job, I don't want to put Albus under pressure by returning to Hogwarts next year. He has already risked enough for me. _

_Missing you greatly, _

_Remus. _

_Miss Lake, _

_If it is suitable please arrive at Spinners End this Saturday at twelve. I understand it is the 'annual ball' that evening, and you are free to ready yourself at my house and we can leave together if you wish._

_Severus. _

_Remus,_

_Gosh now I am frustrated and curious!_

_Might I guess who you'll not be dancing with on Saturday? A certain Miss Tonks? Ha ha, that shall make me laugh although you must promise me at least one dance !_

_Give Sirius my love,_

_See you both soon,_

_Serena._

* * *

**A/N: hope i didn't confuse you all with this chapter! I just needed to put in something to show the passing of about a fortnight or something. reviews are always welcome and immensely appreciated! 3**


	38. Chapter 37

Serena walked slightly apprehensively down the dirty street. It was diner time, the middle of the day yet there was no sun- just cloud and miserable rain. She ran her fingers through her hair and vainly checked her reflection in the stained glass before knocking four times. She looked up at the small terraced house- all the curtains were closed and it looked uninviting, although she supposed that was how he wanted it to look.

The door opened and Serena smiled- glad to see the dark figure that loomed over her. He jerked his head and she walked in. He shut the door and locked it behind her, indicating she should walk into the next room.

Serena gazed around in awe as she walked into the living room. The walls were covered in shelves- every one pouring with books, the room even smelt like them. There was a long black leather sofa in the middle of the room- carving an l-shape around a glass coffee table. In the corner there was a large black chair she guessed was his- with a dark blue cushion in it. There were a few candles lighting the room in a warm flicker.

"why are you smiling?" the familiar voice said from behind her.

"it's… exactly what I imagined…" She turned and smiled widely at him. He was wearing navy blue robes, instead of his normal black and his dark eyes seemed to dance at her in the firelight. Severus made an effort not to reach out and hug her- he had missed her company, but he had also been on edge not knowing if she was safe was… tormenting… He had been glad of her letters.

Serena knew Severus was not used to having people in his house and so she strolled into the living room, putting her bag by the door and turned to him.

"you're supposed to tell me to sit down and offer me a drink."

He scowled at her teasing face and walked into the kitchen to make coffee. She looked well, he thought- better than he had imagined she would. Her hair had lightened in the sun and her face and arms were more tanned. He turned around with two cups but she was leaning against the doorframe watching him and looking around the old yet clean kitchen. It appeared he did not cook often, yet it had a homely feel to it- one of the cupboard doors was missing, and it had been replaced with the cap of a bottle, fixed in place with a permanent sticking charm.

"how are you?" she asked taking the mug from him.

"fine."

"you always say fine, you had a meeting with the death eaters last week, surely you're not fine."

"The meeting went as we expected, I told you."

"In the old days with the meetings with the dark lord… did he ever hurt you?" she spoke calmly, but her eyes watched his reaction closely, already knowing the answer.

"no," Severus said, his face expressionless and voice emotionless.

"you're lying to me," she said scowling slightly.

"I am not."

"what- you think it'll make you seem weak, admitting it?" She said, annoyed at him for not being truthful.

"why do you have to know! What good would it serve you! The past is past!"

"The past is soon to be repeated! You know it as well as I Severus! The death eaters are stirring. Plus, it would make me feel like- like you actually might begin to trust me, to tell me the truth-"

"fine," he said angrily. "fine, the cruciatus curse, extensively, happy now?"

There was a slight silence in which he felt as though a slight weight had been lifted from him. He was still angry about the way she interrogated him but… he could have easily ignored her or deflected her questions- he was used to doing it with the dark lord but with her… he didn't want to hide things… he was already hiding his feelings and that was hard enough.

"not particularly" Serena said quietly, her eyes running up and down his body, looking for signs of his pain.

"I'm obviously fine now" he said quietly and firmly.

She looked up into his eyes for a split second. "I'm glad."

She walked past him smoothly into the living room, ignoring his following gaze and sat down on his sofa. As she had predicted- he sat on the chair in the corner.

"I'm surprised you are going to the ball tonight" she said, sipping her coffee.

"I am not going for the ball, I am going for Albus."

She nodded. "makes more sense."

`"are you going with… Lupin?" he asked in a smooth voice.

She raised her eyebrows. "he's going with Tonks."

"ah… what about Dawlish? Or-"

"Seeing as my fiancé died three weeks ago, I don't think having a date to a dance is high on my to-do-list," she said in an icy voice, reminding herself not to rise to his tactless taunting.

Severus said nothing- he knew he should apologise but he just could not bring himself to do it.

"what time are we leaving?" Serena said in a heavy voice.

"ten minutes to seven."

"okay."

"you can use upstairs to… get ready."

"thank you."

"… how was Spain?"

"Spain was okay yes, nice to reacquaint myself with friends."

"are you looking for something?"

Serena knew he did not mean literally and she paused for thought.

"I don't know" she said eventually. "I don't know."

"if you find it, come and tell me before you leave," he said quietly.

She pondered his words and the meaning behind them for a moment. She guessed Severus did care for her- even though he would not show it- just as she cared for him. He was there for her, looking after her- even if he did it in the most insensitive manner possible.

"I shall give you your potion now- before I forget."

She looked up from her thoughts and nodded, standing up. He walked to a bookshelf and tapped one of the books with his wand. Serena beamed when the bookshelf creaked apart and a dark staircase was revealed.

"I knew it" she said smiling.

Severus waved his wand and the stairway lit up from candles along the walls. He walked down and she followed him into a small basement, full of bottles and cauldrons that were steaming and glowing. It smelt of smoke and Severus and there was a lingering green haze. A double chair and a table were in the corner and more books lined the wall adjacent.

"It's magical" she said smiling at his face, cast into shadow.

"practical."

"how about both?"

"well we may as well agree on something."

She laughed. "that is a rare thing."

"here, this is yours." He pointed to a cauldron that was bubbling in the corner, a light blue steam rising from it.

He scooped in a glass vial and filled it to the top, corking it and handing it to her. His hand brushed hers and he froze- wondering if she'd felt anything but he could tell from her calm non reaction that his feelings were his own.

"thank you Severus."

"not a problem. Would you like to continue with our occlumency lessons? I have been talking with Albus and he thinks it to be a good idea."

"I would love to, as long as you're fine with it."

"I am."

"I have been practicing" she smiled.

"well I shall have to confirm that."

She laughed and they went back up the stairs.

"sit."

She sat on the sofa and he sat next to her.

"okay, are you ready?"

"I am."

"I am going to attempt to break into your mind through contact occlumens. You need to concentrate on keeping your mind blank, and if I do break in, you must direct your thoughts and concentrate on what I am allowed to see."

"Severus if I pull away, do stop."

He saw a slight worry in her eyes, despite her attempts to hide it and he nodded.

He rolled his right sleeve up and she noticed he had not his left.

"Severus… it is just you and me here."

"your point?"

"I have seen your dark mark, you know my reaction and feelings towards it and its meaning."

Severus thought for a moment about the shame he felt for it, but then she did not care! He rolled his other sleeve up silently and Serena's eyes trailed to the snake and skull tattoo on his forearm. She imagined the snake moving, she wondered if the dark lord had touched it the previous week- his brand, his mark, his impact of slavery upon Severus' life.

"It's darker" she said in barely a whisper.

"concentrate" he murmured, ignoring what he already knew.

She flickered her eyes back upwards to his dark ones and cleared her mind. She had become good at it- she wanted to forget everything, to forget the past and so slipping into this nothingness had become her saving.

Severus reached out and put his hands on her face gently. It felt different- to be doing it here rather than his office- it felt more caring, more personal, more-

He forced himself to concentrate as she was and closed his eyes. He saw whiteness, but he could see the dot of dark too. He concentrated on moving towards it, but it kept moving- she was right, she was good. He worked deeper into her mind- he was better than her and she knew it- he could feel her mind weaken and suddenly he was flooded with images of Quidditch games and lessons- things she did not mind him seeing- he saw gaps through her mind and he focused on breaking into them- he was slightly more forceful than normal and he felt her flinch beneath his hands but she did not move back. He saw a flash of wheels and saw her driving a car somewhere- very fast. He saw an empty run down shack and her sitting in the corner alone, with just her bag and a candle. Next he saw her in a duel, but that was gone quickly, pushed aside by her in tears, drinking alcohol, he saw sudden flashes of men and he felt her move beneath his hands suddenly and he abided her wishes- opening his eyes and lowering his hands. Serena quickly stood up and walked into the kitchen.

He wondered if he should follow but he heard the kettle boiling and he sat back and waited.

"Perhaps I need more practice" she said softly, coming back in and passing him a mug of coffee.

"You do."

"Maybe another time though."

"I thought I had told you not to drink alcohol?" He said his voice slightly sharp.

"I am my own person Severus."

"Then take better care of it for god's sake. You also told me you wouldn't go anywhere with filth like that-" he felt anger rile up inside him and he grimaced.

"I can do what I want-"

"no you can't! not when you let people care about you dammit!"

She did not reply, actually hearing concerned anger in his voice.

"And if parents find out about your private life you'll be putting Albus in a difficult position." He added, trying to cover up his sudden emotional outburst.

He watched as she pondered his words for a moment. Her eyes widened slightly and she nibbled her lip in that attractive habitual way. He watched as she stood up and carefully chose a book from the shelf. She sat down with it and began to read but Severus interrupted.

"that's the second edition, the first one is better."

"where is it?"

Severus stood up and took it from the top shelf.

"would you allow me?"

She smiled. "that would be nice."

Severus sat on the sofa and began to read, his eyes flickering between the page and the closed eyes and relaxed expression of Serena. It was as he had imagined- him, reading to her in his house, caring and protecting her. Although in his dream they had been together in his arm chair- her on his lap, her head resting on his shoulder and his arm around her. He sighed, knowing it was hopeless and dangerous to have these fantasies.

At half past four Severus finished the second chapter and Serena interrupted him.

"It is almost tea time, shall I cook something?"

"er… there is nothing in the house, normally I eat prepared meals or I have a house elf who-"

"is there a shop nearby?"

"indeed, two streets away."

"then I shall go and get some food."

"you don't have to bother."

"You look as though you need a change from ready meals. I'll cook."

She got some muggle money and threw on her coat. "I'll be fifteen minutes."

As she reached the door Severus put a hand in front of her.

"Keep a sharp eye" he said warningly.

She nodded and let herself out quickly, making sure no one saw her.

She hurried along the terraced streets looking for the shop.

Severus watched her through the curtain and then turned back into the living room. He scowled at himself in the foe glass. Why was he finding it so difficult to control himself and his thoughts around her! This was not him! He was caring for her, but he knew he could not! He had been here before and it had come to nothing…

He needed a drink, actually if anything he needed a cold shower. He splashed water on his face from the sink and took a deep breath. She was still recovering from the death of her fiancé. She did not love him, she loved Kingsley. Although sometimes… like when she had said so softly she was glad he was ok… he believed her…

He cleaned all the surfaces and the table in the kitchen and went to the door when she knocked. She came in clutching two carrier bags. "nice neighbourhood" she said sarcastically.

"what happened?"

"well" she said, unpacking the bags in the kitchen. "a group of boys outside the shop decided to call me a 'faggot' which I believe is American slang for a gay man, and since I am neither American nor gay nor a male, I don't really see why I am supposed to be offended. So I asked them if they actually knew what it meant."

"and did they?"

"no, they uttered some more charming words and left."

"you should not encourage them."

She laughed, "perhaps not. Here- can you prepare these mushrooms?"

"what does that involve exactly?" he said carefully, looking closely at the mushrooms she held up.

Serena smiled at his confusion. "you don't know what to do with mushrooms?"

"It is not something I generally do with my time."

She laughed, "then wash your hands and grab an apron."

"an apron?"

"you don't even have an apron?"

"obviously not."

"okay okay, then roll your sleeves up and wash your hands."

He raised his eyebrows at her order, but found himself obeying. He was still not used to the idea of her seeing his dark mark, but he knew she would only complain if he did not.

Serena took out the mushrooms and placed them on the work surface.

"watch, you pull the stork out in one go and then you take the top layer off like this- all the way around. And then give it a wash and slice it into quarters like this."

Severus watched –it seemed simple enough. He stood beside her, him doing the mushrooms and her some peppers, him concentrating on not brushing her arm with his.

"what are you making?" he asked.

"_we_ are making a stir fry."

"okay."

"you'll see- you'll like it."

She moved to put noodles on the stove and when she turned around Severus was standing with his back against the counter, his arms crossed casually. He had charmed the mushrooms to peel themselves and he was smiling satisfactorily.

"don't be so lazy!" she said throwing a pepper at him jokingly.

He laughed, vanishing it with a lazy flick of his wand. It felt good to laugh like that.

"come on, I mean it!"

"okay, okay."

She set him to cut up onions and he did it by hand, enjoying being next to her and sharing something, as though they were a happy couple…

"I'll tell Albus you've been assaulting me" he said smiling.

"ha! I wonder who he'll believe!"

"you're probably right. He has taken a great shine to you… can't understand why!"

She hit his arm in a teasing manner and they both laughed. Serena actually felt happy- and it had been a long time since she last had. Here she was, in his house- laughing as though she didn't have a care in the world. She had never thought she would be so happy in such a miserable place.

As Severus fried everything together in the pan as she had showed him, she poured them both a glass of wine and put them on the set table.

"here, sit down," she said smiling.

He was surprised by the table- it was laid out for their meal, two places opposite each other, with candles and wine… it looked almost romantic.

He sat down and she brought over the two steaming plates, taking her seat opposite him. She sipped her wine.

"just the one, I promise," she said smiling.

"somehow I doubt that promise will be kept- I imagine there will be alcohol at the ball…"

"ah, of course. Okay, maybe two, or three, but it's a special occasion!"

"This is delicious," he said, his eyes flickering up to meet her warm brown ones.

"and doesn't it taste better knowing you've made half of it? Even if you did cheat."

"I was just using my magical abilities!"

"well you shouldn't! You have to learn to cook with your hands. It tastes so much better."

"And takes so much longer."

"patience is not your greatest asset" she said smiling.

"you've noticed. So what is?"

"what is what?" she said confused.

"my… greatest asset.?" He kept his voice light and casual, making sure she knew it was a joke even though he wanted a serious answer.

She smiled and thought for a while. "I guess… the way you have a feeling and you stick to it. Like… you're passionate- despite it being in anger most of the time and also, without seeming creepy, you have nice eyes," she added smiling.

He stayed silent, eating another forkful, her words in his mind. His passion and eyes were not things he thought about… but she liked them…

"you wish you'd never asked don't you?" she teased. "I am being truthful though."

He nodded and changed the subject. "do you dance?"

"I can dance."

"how did you learn?"

"I was taught I…" she cleared her throat and spoke briskly, "Kingsley taught me."

Severus nodded, watching her reaction as she took another sip of wine. He distracted her mind, "will you be dancing tonight?"

She smiled, "It is possible. Will you?"

"I highly doubt it."

"can't I persuade you for one?"

"no."

She sighed. "I'll try again later you know. Speaking of which- I have to go and get ready."

"It's only half past five."

"exactly. Am I okay to use the bathroom?"

"of course."

"thanks, oh by the way," she paused at the door. "do the washing up."

She winked at him and then went upstairs with her bag. She paused on the hall- there were three doors, two were closed and the one that was open was the bathroom. She went in- everything was white with brown towels and a wooden cabinet. A mirror hung above the sink and there was a large walk in shower and a separate large bath tub. She was very surprised- the bathroom seemed to be bigger on the inside.

She shut and locked the door, feeling slightly self conscious being in someone else's house. She took out a large white towel from her bag and some shampoo and shower gel and set the hot water running in the shower. She got undressed and walked into the giant steamy water. It was so welcoming and she had to force herself with all her will power to leave it. She put on her black sexiest underwear, despite the fact that no one was going to see it besides her and then she did her hair in the mirror. She used her wand to curl it and style it into ringlets. She put a clip in her hair, a dark purple flower to match her dress which she put on last, after her make up. She sprayed herself with scent and put on three inch purple heels. She packed everything back in her bag and looked at herself in the mirror. She thought she looked okay, in spite of her tired eyes. She heard movement outside the room and heard footsteps going downstairs. She checked her watch- it was half past six. She put on a necklace and took a deep breath. "hope I look okay Kings" she whispered.

She opened the bathroom door cautiously and went downstairs slowly so as not to fall in her heels. She put her bag by the front door and turned into the living room, stopping in her tracks when she saw Severus, his mouth slightly agape staring at her. He could hardly believe his eyes. In her short purple dress he could see all her legs, her smooth thighs down to her high heels. Her cleavage was accentuated and he could not take his eyes away from her face- with her big brown eyes and soft cheekbones, framed by rings of golden curls. He had never seen anything so beautiful.

He cleared his throat, realizing he had been silently gaping. "you er, you look good."

She smiled. "thank you Severus. You don't scrub up too bad yourself," she added, noticing he was wearing black dress robes.

"Are we apparating or going via floo network?"

"er…um, apparate would be wiser" he said struggling to concentrate.

"what shall I do with my bag?"

"leave it here, I'll come back and get it later."

"okay."

Severus locked the house, put on the intruder alarm and both of them turned into the darkness.


	39. Chapter 38

The sun was setting as they walked together up the Hogwarts drive. Serena saw a few figures by the distant castle doors and saw green smoke rising around them. She linked her arm through Severus' casually. He said nothing and kept his hands in his pockets but he felt content- in his mind she was his date. In reality she probably just wanted support.

Albus Dumbledore watched the young couple strolling up the drive. Serena had her hand on his arm in a caring gesture and the man's eyes kept flickering down at her beautiful face. They chattered together as though they had known each other forever and he beamed as they approached him. It appeared his plan was working, and he had definitely never seen this side of Severus expelled in public. He looked infatuated by her- and she was oblivious- to either of their feelings.

"Severus, Serena" he said, raising his arms in welcome and smiling widely. Serena broke from Severus and greeted him with a kiss on the cheek. "It's great to see you Albus."

"my dear, you look magnificent, I hope Severus has told you already."

"thank you Albus," she smiled.

He shook Severus' hand and smiled at him knowingly. "how are you both?"

"fine" Severus said, smiling slightly as he remembered his conversation with Serena earlier.

"Albus it looks wonderful in here," Serena said, gazing around at all the golden banners that had been draped around the hall.

"follow me" he said smiling and he led them to the great hall doors from where music was protruding.

They looked in amazement as they entered the hall. There were floating candles and banners and stars all around the ceiling. Red and gold chairs and tables surrounded a golden dance floor and a stage was levitated at the end and held a band Serena recognized as the Wyrd Sisters- a popular group she listened to. The hall was full of people, some she knew and some she did not and she saw Remus hurrying towards her, dragging Sirius along behind him. She threw him into a hug, so glad to see him looking happy.

"mm you smell amazing" she said smiling up at him. He laughed, "then you look how I smell."

Serena laughed and hugged Sirius too, who was looking dashing in a muggle suit.

Severus was still talking to Albus but her hugging him had not passed his notice. He scowled and realized he most probably was not going to enjoy this evening if she was going to spend it with other men.

"Serena" he said quietly walking over to her. "Albus would like to introduce you to a friend."

She excused herself and walked with Severus over to by the doors. "smile" she said disapprovingly.

He scowled even more and she laughed at him. "not your scene?"

"not my scene."

"Ah, Serena" Albus said walking over to them. The friend he was with followed him and Serena took a double take. He was wearing a long brown coat over black dress robes but that was not the beginning. The man appeared to have only one bright blue eye- the other was inside a magical case, zooming about and seemingly looking through the back of his head. A large chunk had been taking from his nose and there were scars across his face and hands. His long brown hair framed his grizzly unwelcoming face as he tried to smile in her direction.

"Serena this Alastor Moody who will be replacing Remus as Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor. Alastor, Serena teaches charms here and is a dear friend of mine."

Serena reached out and shook his hand but she did not smile. She surprisingly did not see any thoughts or memories and neither did she feel any emotions. She did not smile she just nodded politely. She did not know what it was about this man, but she did not like him.

"Alastor is an ex auror, he has agreed to teach for a year."

"strange career change, Professor."

"call me Alastor" he said in a gruff voice. "and it's in the same line- constant vigilance is all that's needed!"

She nodded and glanced around quickly. "excuse me, Albus, Severus… Alastor."

She smiled at each of them in turn and went to find Dawlish who was chatting to another man. "Serena, this is James, an auror friend of mine. James this is Serena Lake she was Kingsley's fiancée when…"

Serena gave a strange grimace and shook his hand. "I am so sorry to hear of your loss" the tall man said in a husky voice. "he was a great auror."

"I know" she said smiling sadly. "Did you know Kingsley well?"

"I joined the force two weeks before… He was training my division, a brilliant teacher."

"yes, he taught me all the magic I know."

She talked to both of them for a few minutes, surprised at how easy she found it to talk about Kingsley. She did not feel like crying- she was accepting.

She caught Severus' eye across the room. He was standing alone with a drink in his hand watching the room with a scowl on his face.

She walked over to him across the dance floor, her heals clacking slightly on the floor. "You look like you're enjoying yourself" she said sarcastically.

"it's hard to."

"even in such good company?" she teased.

He raised his eyebrows at her.

"why do you dislike moody?"

"I don't know , he just… I get a bad vibe from him."

"any memories?"

"nothing-he applies occlumency all the time, and at high levels too, he's guarding something."

"he's an auror- he's always security conscious."

"perhaps… I just don't like him."

"I'm sure you'll change your mind."

"highly doubt it."

She watched Moody across the room- he seemed to walk with a limp and she spotted a prosthetic metal leg underneath his robes.

At that moment the music started and everyone rushed onto the dance floor.

"I imagine you are not even tempted?"

"no."

She smiled and went to join Remus for a dance, not seeing Severus' jealous scowl on her back. The night went on in an enjoyable fashion and Serena actually had a good time. Many alcoholic drinks had been pressed into her hand by Remus and Albus and she took her shoes off to save her feet from the pain. When she was out of breath from dancing she would go and keep Severus company; whose scowl seemed to be plastered to his face.

"Have a drink" she said passing one to him. "you look like you've gone to hell and back."

He raised his eyebrows. "you're drunk."

"I'm not actually" she said, slightly surprised at herself. "my tolerance must have risen" she giggled.

Severus said nothing, it was clear she was under the influence.

The music had slowed and couples weaved their ways across the dance floor which was emptier as many people had left.. It was half past twelve and Serena sighed as she watched the dancers' happiness from the sidelines, finally taking a drink and wandering through the hall and to the open front doors. She spotted Severus on the lawn, staring up at the sky.

"will you not dance with me?" she asked softly, and he turned around to see her walking down the steps, barefooted towards him.

"no," he said, although he would like nothing more than to have his arms around her.

.

"aw come on" she pleaded in a teasing voice. "no one will notice, if that's what you're worried about."

"it is not," he said quickly.

"then dance with me," she whispered daringly, taking those few steps forward so that they were almost touching.

Severus was fighting an inward battle of his mind. In one quick moment he took her hand and her waist and glared at her. "fine."

Serena smiled and put her hands on his shoulders. They did not move back inside, they danced to the soft sound of the music floating out through the doors. No one noticed them, apart from one very observant man and Albus smiled to himself, his eyes twinkling through his half moon spectacles.

Serena gazed up at his dark eyes. He was glaring down at her, annoyed he had been defeated and had given in to his will power. She smiled at his disgruntled expression. "cheer up" she teased. "just one dance is all I want."

"it's all you're getting anyway," he retorted in a quiet voice. He gazed into her smiling face- her warm sparkling eyes captivated him, making it even more difficult to concentrate. She was smaller now as her shoes were off and Severus' hand rested nicely on her waist.

"I did not know you could dance so well" she smiled. "been practicing in front of the mirror have you?"

"I am not rising to your taunts, Miss Lake."

"Then I must up my game, Professor."

"I urge you to not go to the trouble."

"Ah but you have gone to so much trouble to learn to dance- unless you have been secretly brewing a potion to enhance your abilities? Perhaps you fancied a dance with the dear Alastor Moody you have defended so gallantly."

"I'd watch your step, Miss Lake" he said spinning her around almost violently. "don't want to have a little accident do you? Perhaps yourself and Moody could have matching legs?"

"are you threatening me Professor?" she said in a light tone, biting her lip to stop herself from smiling.

Severus, who had suddenly looked up over her head did not reply.

"Severus?" she pressed but he shook his head.

"something is wrong" he spoke with a slight edge to his voice and he stopped dancing, pulling away from her and walking past her into the hall to Albus. She followed quickly, spotting Aberforth, Dumbledore's brother in the entrance, talking quickly to him and Minerva.

"what's wrong?" Severus said quickly.

"death eaters" Albus explained quickly. "in Hogsmeade, we shall have to go and get rid of them- they are destroying the village."

"who is there?"

Aberforth spoke this time, his face red from running up to the castle. "Macnair, Malfoy, Rodolfus, Bellatrix-"

"Bellatrix?" Serena said suddenly, anger boiling in her at the name of Kingsley's killer. She was here- in the village- ready for Serena to strike.

"yes" Aberforth replied obliviously.

"Serena-" Severus began to warn, but she was too quick- she had already darted past him for the door.

"Serena!" he shouted after her, panic rising inside of him.

"Albus, I can't stop her, you must be quick." Severus turned and ran out of the castle after her. He knew that if he did not catch her before she met Bellatrix he could not do anything- Bellatrix was convinced he was on the dark lord's side: if he defended Serena it would threaten everything. He ran as fast as he could, squinting through the darkness. He spotted her figure, about fifty yards in front of him, but she was gaining distance. She had no shoes and little clothing, helping her run quicker. She was also younger and more agile.

"Serena don't be stupid!" he shouted into the darkness.

"I'm sorry Severus" he heard her distant shout. Serena could not stop now- she was ready to avenge the man she loved. She was ready to kill tonight and nothing would stop her. Bellatrix was going to pay; she would make sure of that.

She reached Hogsmeade in short time, not stopping to see the carnage around them and the fire erupting from one building on her right.

Masked figures moved from the side alley and she screamed as she spotted the wild figure on a corner.

"Bellatrix!"

The figure turned, recognizing the voice. She let out a delighted cackle as the figure shot a curse at her. "Crucio!" Serena shouted at the dancing figure she loathed with all her might. The curse missed and she had to dive behind a corner to avoid the returning spell.

"Aw!" she heard the taunting cackle. "Poor Kingsley- Wingsley, is in hea-ven?"

Serena turned and shot another curse angrily, which was deflected. "fuck you!" she screamed in rage. "You're going to pay Bellatrix!"

Another delighted laugh taunted her through the darkness and she span around again, her blood boiling, her mind out of control. She was not expecting Bellatrix's curse so quickly and she was knocked off her feet and slammed into a door. She quickly dived out of the way of another one, wincing in pain.

"Crucio!" this time the curse hit Bellatrix in the chest and she screamed as she felt the vengeance and pain rocketing from the girl. Serena knew it was her chance- she was down, she had a split second to react but she was frozen.

"Crucio!" Bellatrix shouted back and the curse had the same affect on Serena. She cried out as her body crunched up in protest. Her wand knocked out of her hand as she fell and Bellatrix laughed.

"now you can join lover boy" she smirked but suddenly her cloak caught fire. She screamed and extinguished it quickly. "what is this!"

"I don't need a wand to do magic you fucking whore." Serena scrambled to her feet but she was knocked off them again by another cruciatus curse. Bellatrix, enraged by the fire sent another one quickly, not allowing her to recover. Tears escaped Serena's eyes as she squirmed in pain, feeling as though she was being stabbed over and over again.

"Fuck you" she spat through her tears as she heard Bellatrix's footsteps approach.

Bellatrix was stopped mid-laugh by the sudden appearance of another man. It was Dumbledore and she turned on her heel and fled. Serena grabbed her wand, scrambled up and sprinted after her, fuelled by vengeance and grief but she felt arms enclose around her back, stopping her moving.

She struggled against them violently. "let me go- I've got to-"

"stop Serena, stop," Severus firm words came. "She'll kill you," Serena struggled helplessly.

"I can't let her get away! She's not going to-"

"Kingsley wouldn't want you to become a murderer too" he said quietly, knowing it was the only way to convince her. She seemed to slump slightly and he turned her quickly, pulling her to him in a hug. She buried her head in his chest, crying and shaking in anger. Why was she so useless! Her chance had gone and she had been too coward to send a killing curse.

"Shh" he whispered. "It's okay, it's okay." He held her to him protectively. Watching her getting hit by the cruciatus curse had been horrific. It almost hurt him to see her in pain, even more so when there was absolutely nothing he could have done. Although he knew deep down, if Bellatrix had attempted the killing curse he would have stopped her, else he would never have forgiven himself. Albus came over and he loosened his grip so she could turn to see him.

"Albus I…" She did not know what to say.

He shook his head. "It is fine, my child. They have all gone- no casualties either."

"good," Severus said, his arm still around Serena's shaking body.

"Severus, take her back to Spinners' End. Serena, I want you to stay with Severus until morning okay?"

She nodded, not being able to disagree with the headmaster.

"I'll see you tomorrow Albus" Severus said, before holding tighter to Serena and pulling her into the darkness with him.

They apparated directly into the dark hallway and Severus stood completely still and silent, he was so relieved she was alive and yet so angry she had risked her life. He tried to control his anger at her, but when she pulled away from him he held her tightly. "what are you playing at?" he growled making her look at him.

"what do you think!" she retorted heatedly, so annoyed at herself.

"you'd risk your life to get revenge! That's so stupid! She could have killed you!"

"and I could have killed her!"

"Is that what you want!" he shot, shaking her by the shoulders furiously. "to become a murderer!"

"if I wasn't such a goddam coward I would be!" she shouted pushing him angrily.

"it's a good job you are! you don't know what you're getting in to!"

"Of course I don't!" she screamed. "why would I? Why would I want to know what I am getting in to! Why would I want to know what it feels like to kill! To get revenge! I don't want to- I don't- I can't-"

Serena collapsed slightly, shaking and crying at the feeling of complete helplessness. Severus took her by the arm firmly and pushed her down on the sofa in the other room. He summoned a glass of wine and pushed it into her hand. Despite him encouraging her not to drink, he knew alcohol could have its benefits. He knelt down in front of her, ensuring she had to look at him. She had stopped crying and shaking, the alcohol had calmed her.

Severus raised the tip of his wand and traced it under her closed eyes- removing the mascara that had run.

She opened them and looked at him, touched by his tenderness. "I'm sorry."

"what for?" he said, not sure he was over his anger.

"for me shouting at you just now."

"so you're not sorry for running after Bellatrix?"

"no."

Severus stood up and paced about, frustrated.

"I know you're angry- I understand you're angry but there's nothing I can do- do you want me to say sorry and not mean it? Fine- I'm sorry, but of course you know I am not."

"you're being irresponsible and irrational."

"I know."

"then why are you still doing it."

"If you had the chance to blame one person, and get complete revenge on them: would you?"

Severus stopped pacing, knowing she was right about the revenge. "this is not about me-"

"of course it is," she cried. "we're… we're in the goddam same situation- the dark lord has destroyed our fucking lives! He has taken away the person we have loved with all our fucking strength! Of course we want revenge! You're just angry that I got a chance and you have not! And not only did I get the chance, but I missed it! I was too fucking coward to cast the killing curse! I could have had her- right there and then, but I didn't…"

"you're not a coward," he said quietly. He sat down in his chair feeling defeated.

"I'm sorry I brought up things I know you don't like to talk about. I just wanted you to understand."

"you have to understand to," he said quickly. "killing Bellatrix may not bring you peace of mind. It won't bring you happiness and… it won't bring him back."

"I know but what else can I do? Killing her will make me feel better about myself!"

"it won't I- I know."

"how many people have you killed?" she asked quietly.

He shook his head, "I don't know. But… it's not just that life- killing, it rips your soul apart until you have no soul left…"

"you think that's you" she said suddenly. "you think that you don't have- you think-"

"what I think is irrelevant."

"you're wrong" she said quietly, alluding to the first statement, not the second. "you have a beautiful soul."

She looked away suddenly embarrassed by the words that had escaped her lips.

"I'm going to go and get changed" she said quietly.

"second door on the left is the spare room."

She grabbed her bag and went upstairs. The room was basic- a double bed, a table and mirror and a wardrobe. She changed into knee length tight shorts and a vest top, figuring Severus would not appreciate her pyjamas and went downstairs.

Severus was pacing slowly and so she sat on the sofa and indicated for him to join her.

He shook his head, "I have a potion I have to see to- I'll be half an hour, make yourself at home."

He went down into the basement and Serena stretched out on the sofa, closing her eyes.

"You can't sleep down here" a gruff voice awoke her half an hour later. Severus shook her awake gently. She sat up and yawned. "I'm sorry…"

"It's fine."

She blinked through the darkness and Severus lit his wand with a slight wave. She smiled when she saw his face, kneeling at eye level with hers. "did you finish your potion?"

"yes."

"what is it?"

"wolfsbane, for your friend."

"why is he not your friend?" she said quietly.

Severus stood up. "spare room is yours, if you need anything just wake me."

He motioned for her to walk in front of him and she did so, smiling at his tact of not answering her question. "goodnight Severus," she said softly as she walked into the spare room.

He nodded and then she shut the door.

He lay awake for almost an hour that night, just thinking, and so did she.

He knew that tomorrow she would be gone for another fortnight and he knew that he did not want her to leave. He enjoyed the happiness she brought to his otherwise isolated and empty house.

Serena enjoyed Severus' company, probably more than he knew himself. She wanted to stay with him another day- but he would not want that, and she didn't want to stay in one place for too long.

She did not know where the morning would take her, or what the next week would bring, and she preferred that- not knowing gave no disappointments.

* * *

**A/N: ahh and so they dance... hope you liked this chapter :D **


	40. Chapter 39

Severus awoke early the next morning. He showered and changed into his black robes and made himself a cup of black coffee. He wondered whether to make Serena one- but then she was still asleep so what was the point?

It was so strange having someone else in the house in the morning. It was not something that happened to him- if he bought a girl from Diagon alley he rarely brought them back to his house- and if he did they never stayed the night.

He heard movement upstairs and he went and sat in his usual chair, reading the paper.

"good morning" came a sweet voice. He lowered his paper to see Serena standing in a purple stripy dress. His eyes moved up her legs to her chest and finally to her face which had taken on a disapproving look.

"do you look at everyone like that?" she said her eyebrows raised.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I imagine that means yes; gosh, poor professor McGonagall." Serena chuckled to herself and went into the kitchen. Severus followed her, leaving his paper.

"coffee?"

"no thanks, I'm going to take off. If I have a coffee I'll end up staying until lunchtime and then next week I'd have moved in" she smiled jokingly. "listen Severus, thanks for everything."

He nodded, wondering how to persuade her to stay.

"how long should this potion last?"

"about two weeks."

"okay, then I'll see you in a fortnight." She picked up her bag and threw it over her shoulder. "can I give you a hug?" she said, the corners of her mouth twitching.

"if you must" Severus sighed casually, although inside he was craving for contact.

Serena put her arms around his shoulder and hugged him tightly, taking in his fresh, yet musty from the potions smell. She felt his hands wrap lightly around her waist and she smiled and then forced herself to draw away from him.

"see you around," she smiled, before turning on the spot and vanishing with a slight crack.

Severus went upstairs in the empty house, to the spare room. The covers were ruffled from where she had slept that night. He lay down where she had, and shut his eyes.

_Dear Albus,_

_I would like to apologise for my behaviour last night and thank you so much for coming when you did. I imagine if you'd not scared her off Bellatrix would have probably killed me. Severus has already scolded me greatly for running after her- but my reply to him and to you is what else could I do? I had the opportunity to get revenge, and I took it, and if I had the chance again I would take it. _

_Therefore I apologise only if I caused you worry- that was not my intention. _

_Many thanks for such a great night, _

_Serena. _

_Dear Serena,_

_Severus has relayed to me the conversation between yourself and him last Saturday. You seem to have opened many thoughts he has kept tightly shut over the past few years. I am not sure how but he seems as though he is on his way to recovery, as, I hope, are you. _

_I am yours, most sincerely,_

_Albus Dumbledore._

_Dear Remus, _

_It was so great to see you last week- we must meet again sometime soon! You have not yet relayed to me all in consideration of yours and Tonks' relationship. Perhaps we can catch a game of Quidditch this summer?_

_see you soon,_

_Serena. _

_Severus,_

_Guess what! I am so relieved and happy! I am getting the feeling of emotions back! I was buying something in a shop in Brazil and as I paid my hand brushed the shopkeepers and he was enraged! Sincerely completely angry at something! I nearly danced at his misfortune but managed to control myself just in time. I can't stop smiling to think I am finally returning to reality. _

_May I come this Wednesday afternoon for potion? I can't wait to feel what you are feeling!_

_See you soon, I hope,_

_Serena. _

_Miss Lake, _

_It would be practical for you to pick up the potion on Wednesday morning, about eleven o' clock. I shall not be in London at that time, so I shall leave it on the doorstep with a disillusionment charm and an invisibility spell for you to pick up. _

_Severus Snape. _

_Dearest Serena,_

_You must come for tea next Friday night, although is it okay if you cook? I am truly sorry but if you don't I shall be eating ready-rice! Alone! _

_See you soon,_

_Remus. _

_Remus,_

_Of course I shall! If I did not I'd just have thoughts of you eating your little packet all on your own and I'd feel guilty forever! _

_See you a week Friday at six,_

_Serena. _

Serena apparated into the dark street at eleven o' clock Wednesday morning. She was feeling slightly wary- Severus' letter had not been like his other ones. It had been quick and to the point- which is exactly as Severus is, but he had not mentioned one thing about her feeling emotions. She walked to the door and felt blindly for the potion. When she made contact with the glass bottle the charm revealed it and she put it quickly in her bag. She glanced in through the windows but the curtains were shut. She sighed- she would miss seeing him.

She turned on the spot and vanished.

_Dear Albus, _

_I hope I can help Severus heal. He insists he does not need healing, but of course Severus doesn't admit to any flaw he has. Not that I'm saying it's a flaw of course, I just mean… you have to move on. Severus is putting his whole life on hold, for her. I shall never understand how much he loves her, and it's the most romantic, heart breaking thing in the whole world, but sometimes you have to let go… _

_I don't know… now I am just writing down my thoughts. _

_Sorry for the completely pointless letter! _

_Serena. _

_Severus, _

_I haven't seen you for three weeks now! Time is flying by, which I am most grateful for, but I have lots of news, perhaps you would like to meet for coffee next week? _

_Hope you are well,_

_Serena. _

_Miss Lake,_

_I am afraid my schedule for the week ahead is full, I apologise. _

_Also, I think it best we stop communicating by letter for the time being, as death eaters may become suspicious if the same owl flies in and out of my house._

_Severus Snape. _

_Dearest Serena, _

_Would you like to join me for tea at a small shop in Diagon alley this Saturday? It is called Madame Fleur's tea shop. I hope to have the please of seeing you there at noon,_

_Yours, most sincerely,_

_Albus._

_Albus,_

_I would be delighted to meet you on Saturday. _

_See you then,_

_Serena. _

* * *

**A/N: Again, I apologise for the confusing chapter but i need it to show time passing! hmm... what's up with severus then? any theories? **


	41. Chapter 40

Serena waited in the tea shop half an hour early on Saturday. She had something on her mind and she wanted to think about how to phrase it before Albus came. She twirled a spoon through her tea mindlessly, unable to bring herself to accept what was happening. Today was a bad day.

Albus arrived at precisely noon, yet there was no sun high in the sky, clouds covered it, and a thunderstorm was inevitable.

She stood up to greet him and he grasped her hands tightly, smiling wide. "my dear, it is so marvellous to see you."

"you too Albus" she said, putting on her bravest smile, however Albus was not deceived.

"ah, but I detect something is wrong?" he asked observantly, pulling up a chair next to her.

She sighed, "it's going to sound pathetic."

Albus waited patiently, watching the troubled girl struggle with her thoughts and feelings.

"I… I have not seen Severus for almost a month now and… I get the feeling he's avoiding me. Here."

She passed Albus the letter she had received from him. She had read and reread it so many times, wondering what he was feeling when he wrote it.

Severus' eyes flickered over the letter. He thought he knew Severus' motivations behind it, but it was not in his place to explain them to Serena.

"might I ask an extremely personal question?" he asked sadly.

"you can ask me anything," she said sincerely.

"What are your feelings at this precise moment towards Severus?"

Serena thought carefully before she answered. "I… I care for Severus very much, more than I would care to let him know. I… I confess that having been in his company so much over the past year, that having not seen him in so long, I really miss him. I just… I am worried that I have upset him or annoyed him in some way recently, and I want to know how to put it right again because… he's one of the few people I can trust and someone I talk to about… well, everything."

Albus felt such pity in his heart, for both of them. He knew Severus' problem- and it was nothing she had knowingly done, and nothing she could change.

"Albus… how can he leave me now? now he made me need him… I can't bear it, Kingsley is gone forever- I don't want to lose Severus too." Serena's eyes welled with tears and she blinked furiously, turning her head to the window away from Albus.

"No one can guess Severus' thoughts and emotions at this time and he is not open enough to express them as you can. You are… surrounded by emotions all the time, Severus is not used to opening up with someone as he has with you, perhaps he just needs time to think about things? This year is going to be stressful for him."

"I understand that Albus. Have I made him angry by being so… forceful? I am always trying to persuade him to move on, to tell me things about his past. Perhaps I pushed him too far."

"no one pushes Severus too far."

"well than what else? When I last saw him we were on great terms! At least I thought we were… we rowed, but then we always do! I mean, he even let me hug him!"

This piece of information did not escape Albus' notice.

"Severus' motives are not known, but perhaps time will bring him around?"

"to what?" she said desperately, feeling upset and helpless. "I… I need him, Albus."

Albus grasped her hand comfortingly.

"I imagine he may confide in me."

"don't tell me anything unless he says you can Albus, I don't want to put you in an awkward position… just… perhaps let him know that… that I miss him."

"I understand, my dear. I shall tell him, and I hope he will come back to you soon."

Serena smiled sadly to herself.

"What do you think of our new teacher Alastor?"

"I don't know. I… I don't know enough about him yet." She used occlumency to block her real thoughts, but Albus saw them. He said nothing, but he was intrigued by her adamant hate of this man.

"how are things looking in the ministry?"

"ah, the same as usual" Albus sighed. "Fudge is running riot everywhere, death eaters are infiltrating slowly."

"did any get caught? On the night of the ball?"

Albus shook his head. "they were just out for 'fun' I believe. However, it nearly cost you your life."

"I know" she said quietly. "I know."

"ah, but what do you have to live for?" he said, perceiving her thoughts.

"I'm not suicidal Albus," she said quickly.

"Suicide and not being afraid of death are two different things."

"why should I be afraid of death?"

Albus smiled. "It is not a bad thing, to be afraid. People are scared not only because of the mystery and fear of dying itself, but because of what they may leave behind."

"what do I leave behind?" she said before she could stop herself.

"people who care, very much about you" Albus said softly.

"yes… my parents are in prison and hate me, the man I love is dead, Severus is not speaking to me, Remus has a new man, and you Albus are much to wise to be held back by death. Tell me now, what do I leave behind?" There was bitterness in her voice and she looked down, ashamed at her outburst. "I'm sorry" she said quickly, before he could say anything. "don't answer that Albus, please." She finished her tea quickly. "thank you Albus, for listening… I have to go."

Albus stood up with her and she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I shall see you when term resumes" she said trying to smile.

"two weeks."

"goodbye Albus,"

"Serena."

* * *

Serena knocked on Remus' door a few days later, ready for dinner together that evening. She had brought ingredients to make an Indian dish, and she showed him how to make it in the kitchen.

"I'll write it down for you" she smiled. "you should learn how to cook."

As she stirred the pan it reminded her of how she had taught Severus to cook a stir fry, weeks before. She cleared her mind, pushing away those thoughts.

She stayed with Remus all evening, chatting and catching up on each others lives and even met his new boyfriend- a shy young man called Patrick.

"Oh, I've just remembered" Remus said when she stood up to leave. "I have something here from Snape for you."

"from…" Serena trailed off as Remus handed her a vial of potion she recognised so well. He had passed it through Remus… He had not given it her himself… He was avoiding her, she was certain now. "did… did he say anything?" she said quietly, twirling the potion slowly between her fingers.

"he said he will see you when term resumes."

So he had no intention of meeting her before then. That was almost two weeks away, and she had not seen him for so long…

"thank you Remus" she said putting it into her bag. Remus noticed her slight shock but he did not say anything.

He hugged her closely. "I'll see you soon no doubt." He said smiling sadly; he hated seeing her go off alone.

"of course you will, although it'll be really strange not having you at Hogwarts."

"I'm sure you'll warm to Moody."

"maybe."

"just write if you need anything."

"okay, be Remus, take care of yourself."

"you too."

Serena released her grasp on him and turned on the spot, disappearing once more.

* * *

She travelled up on the train alone on the day before term resumed. She was feeling nervous, not because of teaching, but because of seeing Severus again. She didn't know why but he had been on her mind a lot. She was nervous to know why he was avoiding her. Was he avoiding her? Or was she just being paranoid? And if he was ignoring her, would he acknowledge it when he saw her?

She tried to sleep on the train but she could not, she felt alone again. She believed before that she would be alright- she had someone she could talk to, someone she could trust but now… Severus was not someone she could talk to anymore, Remus was no longer at Hogwarts and Albus… well he had enough in his cauldron.


	42. Chapter 41

The anxiousness and panic Serena had been engulfed in immediately evaporated as she stepped across the threshold into her office. It was the place she now called home and she spread out on her bed exhausted.

After unpacking the few belongings she had taken with her for the summer and trying to ignore the things that reminded her of Kingsley, she dressed for the staff meal that evening in new silver robes she had bought and then walked up to the great hall to sounds of chatter and laughter.

Albus came and greeted her immediately, swirling in majestic golden robes. "You look very well, my dear" he said grasping her hand, although he was partly lying: she was looking unhappy behind her eyes again.

"so do you Albus."

She then hugged Minerva and greeted some of the other staff. "Serena," Albus called. She turned to him smiling, although it faltered when she saw Severus was standing with him. She corrected herself and walked over to join them, feeling intimidated by Severus' austere face and his determination to look anywhere but at her.

"Would you like to carry on with occlumency this year, my dear," Albus said, trying to work a plan. If he could get Severus to spend time with Serena, perhaps they could resolve their differences, or rather, Severus' difference.

"Er… I don't know Albus. That, of course, would depend on whether Severus has the time to teach me." She avoided Severus' gaze, feeling looked down on and intimidated.

"I'm sure Severus wouldn't-"

"you are forgetting, headmaster, that you have assigned me an extra newt class for this year, adding another five hours to my teaching a week."

"then I would not like to impose upon your scarce free time, Professor." Serena said, risking a glance at his face. Her eyes connected with his but she saw nothing but hate flashing from their dark depths. Severus noticed the hurt she felt as she looked at him but he forced himself to distance himself from it. He had to- he could not risk her seeing his true feelings. This was the only way- to stay away from her, and perhaps his feelings could disappear over time.

Severus bowed slightly and then left them both, not wanting to risk having to shake her hand or accidentally coming into contact with her… even if contact with her was something he craved for…

Serena felt Albus putting a hand on her shoulder and she looked up into his apologetic expression. She tried to smile, "don't worry about it" she muttered.

She went to sit by Minerva, as far away from Severus as possible, although this meant she was sitting opposite Alastor Moody.

She tried to talk to him as little as possible, and when she was forced into conversation with him she kept her answers short and civil.

She went back to her office afterwards, rather than stay for a drink as she normally would. She changed into her pyjamas and then lay on her bed, a candle flickering in the corner of the room, a glass of strong whiskey resting loosely between her fingers and tears rolling down her cheeks.

The first few weeks went by and she hardly spoke two words to Severus, limiting herself to 'hello' and 'can you pass the sauce?' He completely avoided contact with her- and she noticed.

About a month after term had begun she received a letter at breakfast. She opened it with one hand, biting into a piece of toast with the other. The heading at the top made her gape in shock: it was from Azkaban.

_Miss Serena V. Lake,_

_We regret to inform you that your mother, Alexandria Lake, passed away yesterday evening at six thirty. We believe her death was due to natural causes, however an enquiry is in progress.._

_Sincerely, _

_Marcus Weighting, _

_Azkaban Officer. _

She read the letter twice over and then dropped her food back on her plate. She did not know how to feel, she was not sad- she was not shocked she was just… confused as to how she should feel. Did it make her a horrible person if she felt no sadness?

Severus had noticed her sudden white complexion; he had been watching her a lot recently. He got up and walked over quickly, despite him vowing to stay away. He noticed the letter in her hand but he could not see what it said.

"Miss Lake, are you unwell?" he asked quickly.

She stood up and glared at him. "like you give a damn" she hissed angrily before storming out of the hall.

Severus watched her go, feeling as though he probably deserved it.

He went to see Albus that evening, to enquire casually if he knew what was wrong, however Albus knew Severus was truly concerned. Why must the boy always hide his feelings!

"I just saw her at dinner" he bluffed, "she looked unwell…"

"her mother has died" Albus said, watching his reaction.

"Is she okay- I mean, how is she taking that news?" he quickly composed himself.

"You seem concerned for her welfare Severus."

"I'm just curious!"

"of course, but then why don't you ask her yourself?"

"that would be inappropriate" he said through gritted teeth.

"why? Six months ago she would not have minded if you'd asked her anything."

"times change."

"and whose fault is that?"

Severus fell silent, glaring at Albus who leant across the table and put a calming hand on his arm.

"tell her how you feel" he said quietly.

"I don't know what you're talking-"

"Severus, you should not be ashamed of love."

"don't be ridiculous Albus," he scowled.

"She is unhappy!" Albus cried, so frustrated at Severus' behaviour.

"possibly because her fiancé has died, and her mother has died and-" Severus said angrily.

"she has moved past Kingsley! She is unhappy because she feels alone! Because you have bailed cauldron on her!"

"her unhappiness has nothing to do with me."

"it has everything to do with you. I believe… I believe your feelings are not unrequited, Severus."

Severus' head jerked upwards, his face conveyed shock and Albus saw a flicker of hope. He quickly corrected himself and hardened his expression.

"this conversation is over Albus." He stood up and Albus let him leave, pitying the poor confused man, lost in his emotions.

Severus went down to his office and made a simple potion to calm himself. Was Albus right? Did she feel the same? Albus generally was correct almost all of the time, but if he was wrong… the results would be catastrophic, irreversible… embarrassing…

How on earth could she feel the same? He was moody, arrogant, anti social, a death eater!

But she was unhappy… she missed him… bit what did she miss about him?

He went for a hot shower to try and relax himself, running his face under the flow of water and shutting his eyes. Why weren't things simple? He ran his hands through his hair: it was getting long again. He took his wand and was taken by sudden impulse, drawing it to a long wet strand of his black hair and slicing it like a knife. He cut all around his head, the splatter of his hair on the floor almost relived some of his confusion. The locks fell straight down the plug and he rinsed it all off.

When it was dry he went to a mirror- his hair was a lot shorter, shorter than he'd ever had it. It was not cropped- it was flicking out around his ears and just below, but he looked… younger somehow.

He decided to have a drink in the staff room and people immediately noticed the change.

"Severus" Minerva said smiling at him. "you look so different! So young!"

He nodded politely and sat down. Serena was sitting in the corner of the room, reading a book quietly. She glanced over the top of it at Severus' hair. Minerva was right- he looked younger… his hair was flicking out slightly, just below his ears, and framing his face well, taking away those permanent frown lines that creased his forehead. He caught her eye contact and she glanced down quickly. She wondered if he wanted an apology for her outburst that morning, but he was definitely not going to get one. She had the letter folded inside her pocket, completely unsure of what to think.

"I heard of your bad news" Severus said across the room to her. Everyone seemed to look toward him- they knew he was not on friendly terms with Serena.

"oh, I'm sorry- are you talking to me?" Serena said sarcastically, scowling at him over her book. Minerva cleared her throat and everyone busied themselves.

"I was merely stating-" Severus spoke through gritted teeth but Serena interrupted him.

"well don't" she said cruelly, shutting her book and standing up. "goodnight everyone" she muttered, before walking out.

* * *

**A/N: and now i have to apologise! I'm sorry! I'm going on holiday on saturday for a week and i have nooo idea what my internet access is going to be like. so. i shall try my utmost best to update for you guys, HOWEVER if i can't, check out my other in-progress story Emotions Run Deep to busy yourselves. thanks for reading so far! Reviews are appreciated more than chocolate! **


	43. Chapter 42

Serena decided to apparate to Grimauld Place, not wanting to stay in the castle with Severus after their argument.

"hello?" she called softly as she walked down the dark hallway, shuddering slightly as she looked up at all the elf heads on the walls.

The door at the end opened and Sirius came out, wearing no shirt, with a dish cloth flung over his shoulder. He stopped when he saw her and smiled. "Serena." He walked over and hugged her and she put her arms gently around him, surprised by the hardness of his muscles.

"you er… work out?"

He laughed, "what else is there to do around here?"

She smiled but she couldn't take her eyes off his stomach. He laughed again, "here."

He took her hand and pressed it to his hard stomach. She blushed but he just laughed again. "has this quenched your curiosity?"

She smiled cheekily, "it sure has."

"would you like a drink?"

"please, make it a strong one."

"bad day?" he said, leading her into the sitting room and handing her a large glass of brandy. She drank it down, wincing as it hit her throat and Sirius refilled her glass, sitting down closely next to her.

"kind of" she sighed, leaning back against the sofa and shutting her eyes. "Severus is being a complete insensitive bastard and… here," she handed him the crumpled letter from her pocket.

He read it quickly and then looked at her shocked. "Serena… I'm so sorry."

"that makes one of us… she was a loathsome bitch. I'm glad she's dead." She said in a harsh voice, but then her eyes welled with tears. "does that make me a horrible person?" she whispered, looking at Sirius' concerned face.

He shook his head, "you have your reasons…"

"then why do I feel so… guilty" she said quietly, drying her eyes.

"because you haven't had enough to drink" Sirius said, tilted her face to his and smiling. She smiled slightly as she looked up into his dazzling blue eyes. His face was so friendly, a slight beard on his face, curly brown hair, bright blue eyes… he was about thirty eight she thought, but he acted so much younger.

"what?" she whispered, realising he was staring at her as much as she was at him.

He smiled slightly, "you're just so beautiful…"

Before Serena could reply he had reached in and kissed her, his mouth demanding her response, not asking as Kingsley had. She felt his hands on her face, holding her to him, but he didn't have to- she kissed him back passionately- she had not felt this for so long-this physical attraction…

Her hands wrapped around his neck loosely and he leant over her, pressing her down into the sofa and moving on top, the magic of their mouths never parting. Serena's fingers trailed the lines of his chest, she felt his muscles, so strong, her touch seemed to burn his skin, he straddled her slowly, his fingers undoing the buttons of her shirt, kissing her chest, her neck, her full lips. She wrapped her legs around his waist, arching her back, her breathing was ragged-

The door slammed.

"Padfoot?" someone called from the hallway. "Sirius mate, you in?"

"it's Remus" Sirius panted, scrambling up from the couch. He quickly buttoned his jeans, smoothed down his hair and walked into the hallway before Remus could find them.

Serena buttoned her shirt, steadied her breathing before walking casually to join them.

"hey Remus" she smiled as normally as she could.

"Hello Serena" he said quietly.

"I'll get it for you now Remus" Sirius said, before walking quickly into the other room.

Remus raised his eyebrows at Serena.

"what?" she said trying not to smile.

"your shirt is buttoned up wrong" he said casually. "and er… your hair is sticking out all over the place…"

"it's the new style" Serena said trying not to laugh.

"Sirius doesn't usually follow trends" Remus replied, trying to grin. He forced himself to act normal- no one could know what he felt… he had only just accepted it himself. He felt jealousy boiling up inside him but he jumped back to reality as Serena hit him playfully, completely oblivious "alright, alright. Shut up, I should be angry with you- interrupting."

He faked a laugh, "oh god please don't go into details!"

"here it is!" Sirius walked in quickly from the kitchen, pushing something into Remus' hand.

"thanks mate, Albus wanted it for tonight, I'm sorry it's so late…"

"don't worry about it." Sirius had finality in his voice, as though trying to tell Remus to leave.

"okay, um… bye." He turned and apparated as he reached the door, feeling as though someone had doused him in cold water.

"it turns out I can't do buttons on shirts properly, and Remus can add two and two together."

"not to worry" Sirius said smiling slightly. There was a slight awkwardness in the air and Serena realised Sirius thought her intentions were only in the moment. She walked playfully over to him and kissed him lightly.

"we need to talk" she said smiling at his pleasantly surprised expression.

"go on then" he murmured, putting his hands on her waist and bringing her closer.

"Well… what Remus so subtly interrupted… I want it to happen- if you do."

"of course I do" Sirius said quickly.

"okay, but there are other things… I… we are really good friends, but I have a strong… _physical_ attraction to you, okay?"

"it's not surprising" he joked.

"but what I mean is, it's only ever going to be physical…"

"I don't want a relationship at the moment" Sirius said quickly. "commitment… is not my thing… unless of course, I meet some one who gives me a good duelling and forces me down the isle."

She laughed, "so we have an agreement?"

"we do- no getting attached though, I know how charming I can be."

She laughed again and kissed him teasingly as he took her hand and pulled her upstairs.

Remus Lupin hurried along the Hogwarts corridors, trying to distract his mind. How could this be happening to him? He had never been able to have a long term relationship with anyone- not with his condition but now… now he had fallen in love with his best friend… He thought about the argument he'd had with Patrick when he'd told him about his 'condition'…

He pulled his travelling cloak pulled tightly around his chest- it was now snowing outside. He muttered the password and hurried up the steps to Albus' office, hearing the words' come in' before he had even knocked.

Severus had been having a night cap with the headmaster, and he stood up to leave as Remus entered, but one look into Remus' unguarded mind froze him. He had seen Serena-with Black. His mouth dropped open and he almost shouted in outrage, a fierce glare came onto his face and he had to struggle to replace it with his usual, smooth, unreadable mask.

"good night" he said through gritted teeth before sweeping down to the dungeon and pacing back and forth, stunning cauldrons and cursing tables. "dammit!" he shouted to himself.

Had he caused this! He had upset her earlier and she had run to Black for comfort- he had no doubt tricked her into sleeping with him. It would not last- of course it would not last- she would have regrets by morning but… what if it did last… what if they flaunted their relationship in front of him- like the devil! He could not let this happen- for her sake. Black was a blubbering little weasel- not fit to wipe her boots. He would put a stop to this- but he would have to be careful; he did not want her to hate him for it. He would wait- see how things played out and get information before revealing Sirius to be what he truly was.

Severus did not have a chance to see Serena over the next week- he was staying in Durmstrang school to brew a potion with the master there. When he returned, the Saturday before Christmas Albus summoned him to his office.

"we are gathering some of the Order this evening Severus, I feel we need to make it a regular thing- the dark lord's return is inevitable and we need to be better prepared. A meal is being put on as well, however I imagine you shall join us afterwards."

"it is not a social gathering Albus, I shall indeed, join you later on."

"well we're talking about security, so everyone shall be there."

"including Miss Lake?"

"indeed."

"then you know, I presume about her illegalities concerning Black?"

"I know of no illegalities Severus, but I suppose you are referring to the relationship between Serena and Sirius?"

"relationship" Severus spat. "don't be ridiculous!"

"jealousy Severus?"

"I am merely alerting your eyes to such inappropriateness Albus!"

"Severus, on what grounds do you call this inappropriate?"

"look at him! He's the vermin of the earth! You can't have him running about with a member of staff!"

"Severus, whatever my staff, yourself including, decide to do with their spare time is none of my business."

Severus glared at Albus furiously.

"Severus my boy, listen to the wise voice of an onlooker. Do you now think this is some of your own doing? If you had just be truthful with her from the beginning… why would she look to you now? She thinks you loathe her."

"I do not loathe her" Severus said firmly.

"I know that- but she does not." Albus paused and then sighed, surveying his despair over his interlocked fingers.

"Severus I shall tell you something I wish you to keep to yourself. There is not love in their relationship- both of them have made it clear to the other. I believe they are merely… young people… having fun." Albus' eyes twinkled and he could not stop the smile escaping his lips.

Severus was pleased by this news but he still did not want Black anywhere near her.

"he is years older than her."

"and you are years older than her."

"I am not the one putting his hands all over-"

"Severus" Albus said firmly. "let it go- you are jealous and you need to expel your jealousy, but don't try and split them up. Their relationship will fade over time- but if you try to split them you will only end up with her hating you, and the two of them getting closer together. Be patient and you will be rewarded."

"patient." Severus repeated.

"indeed."

"patient" Severus repeated for the third time, through gritted teeth with his fists clenched, as he stood in the kitchen of Grimauld place that evening. It was clear not many people knew about Serena and Black- and none of them noticed Severus glaring across the room at her. The room was full of buzzing chatter, but Severus was just close enough to be able to hear their conversations.

"ciao bella" Sirius said, walking in and winking at Serena.

She laughed, "are you talking to me or Molly?"

"oh, Molly, definitely."

She hit him playfully and Severus saw his hand disappearing behind her lower back. He twisted his fingers to distract himself but it did not seem to be working. How dare he touch her so degradingly!

"people will notice" she whispered, blushing at him.

"nah, they're all too busy."

"heads up" Serena muttered and Sirius shifted slightly further away as Arthur Weasley came to talk to him.

Serena sipped her drink and glanced around the room. She recoiled slightly when she caught sight of Severus staring at her with the most livid and revolted expression on his face. His look almost physically hurt her and she glared back angrily. Why was he being such a complete bitch? He continued scowling at her and she raised a finger- swearing at him and then turning back to Sirius.

No one besides Severus noticed and he walked to the furthest away point of the room, bumping into a scowling Remus with a look that matched Severus' on his face. He did not realise what had caused it, his thoughts were on Serena: Albus was right- she hated him. But what could he do about it?

* * *

**A/N: hope this works! i'm publishing from the middle of the ocean atm! [i'm on a cruise] which i find quite cool :D enjoy! **


	44. Chapter 43

"what!" barked Severus Snape as he wrenched open the door to the person that had been knocking furiously for the last twenty minutes, despite his obvious decline to answer the call.

Serena glared back as she watched his dark angry eyes glance over her face before pointedly looking at the space above her left shoulder.

"finally" she muttered under her breath, in turn avoiding looking directly at him.

"for what have you disturbed me?" he snapped, taking a deliberate step back away from her.

"I need more potion" she said, and then added through gritted teeth; "please."

"I gave you enough to last three more days."

"yes but I dropped the bottle this morning, I was…" she trailed off and folded her arms defiantly.

"so because of your foolish carelessness you want me to drop all my plans and other clients for you, _Princess Serena" _he cruelly added, the sarcasm laced in his voice cutting through Serena.

She faintly blushed and Severus quickly averted his eyes from the way the rose colour made her look so attractive.

"I need the potion" she managed finally. "if you won't make it for me I'll spend the night in the goddam shrieking shack to ensure I don't hurt anyone."

Severus was silent for a moment. He had no problem in making her the potion, in helping her, in making her feel secure again. But he knew he could not drop his façade of disliking her; if he did, the undeniable truth could emerge.

His eyes looked deep into her brown ones that looked slightly harder and more red than normal and he sensed she was hurting beneath the surface. He tried to slip in to the top layer of her mind without her noticing, but she was guarded. _you taught her well _he thought to himself.

"fine. Come back this evening. eleven o' clock."

She jerked her head in a sort of agreement and then turned away, not bothering to thank him.

She was crying by the time she had reached the entrance hall and she walked blindly to the open doors and into the chilly winter's night, pulling her cloak tight around her before sitting on the bottom step and wrapping her arms protectively about her knees.

She cried openly, knowing the darkness had engulfed her, and it was only intuition and the sound of her choked sobs that drew Albus to her whereabouts.

"a drink is in order" was all he said before turning back up the steps into the castle and waiting for her to follow him.

His assumption was correct and Serena took a few deep gulps of fresh air before casting a freshen-up charm on her face and walking slowly after him.

"now sit down and tell me everything" he smiled, pushing her into the chair opposite him. "it's been almost a fortnight since our last night cap, I believe I'm amiss to your distress my dear."

"I'm sorry Albus" she murmured, her voice slightly hoarse. "I've just been so busy with Christmas and work and-"

"Sirius Black?" Albus raised his eyebrows, but she could tell he was smiling through his eyes.

She smiled grudgingly and shrugged. "nothing escapes you Albus."

"ah, you are quite wrong my dear, but that is an argument for another time" he beamed. "why Sirius? I mean, he is a handsome man, obviously, but…"

"but?.."

"but indeed" Albus nodded, which thoroughly confused Serena so she sipped her drink quickly to avoid replying. "why such a man, Serena? And why such a relationship?"

Serena blushed, feeling as though it was a subject she'd rather not discuss in depth with the old headmaster.

"Sirius makes me feel… light and free and young" she admitted, worrying her lip with her teeth.

"young? my dear, you are but twenty three."

"I don't feel it" she scoffed.

Albus inclined his head understandingly. "do you not want something more than… light and free?"

"of course I do! I want to feel safe and protected and adored and _wanted_!" she finished, looking down at her drink and cringing.

"my dear, there is not one man in Hogsmeade that does not appreciate your beauty."

Serena shook her head, "I didn't mean physically…"

"I know" Albus smiled. "neither did I."

She looked up at his crinkled face and smiled ever so slightly, however it quickly vanished when she remembered why she had been crying.

"can I ask you for guidance?" she said quietly, meeting his eyes that were full of honesty.

"anything."

"what if-" Serena stopped and swallowed the lump in her throat before taking a deep breath and carrying on. "what if I start to want someone again… except I realise that- that the feelings have been there a long time… and that- that I might have wanted this person when… when Kingsley was alive?" she finished desperately, her eyes glistening with worry.

"I would see no problem in you pursuing your feelings Serena. It is what makes us human."

"but what if Kingsley were alive! What if he was still here and I realised I loved someone else as well! Would I have betrayed Kingsley? I-"

"Serena think about what you are saying" Albus said softly.

She stopped and pressed her lips together tightly before nodding. "never."

"exactly."

"No! You said it's our feelings that make us human! Surely just loving another man would be a betrayal!"

"that is not what I said" he corrected firmly. "It is our choices that make us who we truly are."

"and what would I have chosen?" she whispered.

"what would and should and could have happened are irrelevant and questions that are useless pursuing! What about your feelings now?"

"I… he hates me…" her voice broke and the tears she had been holding back finally spilled over.

"Severus does not hate you" Albus said softly.

Serena slowly raised her face to his, her eyes wide, her expression that of despair and anguish.

"you were right about things escaping you then" she said bitterly.

* * *

**A/N: i have returned! would like to say a massive thankyou for waiting the whole week for me and for your reviews! I wasn't sure what people would make of the Serena/Sirius 'relationship'... hmmm... comments? **

**Also, i've changed the rating to 'M'; mostly for future chapters, although they're not that bad, but also because i've been reading some [awesome] fanfiction lately that is rated M just for bad language [which Serena likes to use a lot]. **

**So thanks for reading up to now! I'll update again soon! **


	45. Chapter 44

At precisely eleven o' clock, Serena walked down to the dungeons, clad in dark muggle jeans and a black vest, a ball of fire hovering at her side to keep her warm.

Her knock was stiff and formal and he opened the door looking much the same. "come in" he muttered, striding back into the room, his leather boots echoing of the stone floor.

"I have made only two days worth; it's all I could manage in such a short time."

"could you not just use a multiplication charm? I thought that according to Gamp's Law of-"

"Miss Lake you have herby pointed out that you are a potion _brewer_, whereas I am a potion _master_, so stop making a fool of yourself, as you have been repeatedly in the past few weeks." Snape's tone was crisp and harsh, yet the flow of his words were more jagged and angular, rather than the rich stream of music Serena was used to hearing from him. She used to like the way he seemed to taste the words before he formed them, but here he was spitting them out like a weapon.

"and what's that supposed to mean?" she said finally, her tone flat and failing to hide the hurt she felt.

"you well know" he snarled. "strutting about with that _dog_, behaving like a common _slut_."

The stunner she shot at him only just missed as he jumped out of its lightening path with surprising agility. His wand was drawn so fast Serena could only fire shielding charm after shielding charm as his stinging hexes and stunners shot at her faster than she could see. As she backed up quickly to the door she had left open, he followed her, their feet carving paths of well partitioned steps, like a dance to the sound of their spells.

"why are you doing this?" she shouted, taking the opportunity to surprise him with a disarming spell.

"close your mind, Miss Lake" he warned as she hissed at the stinging hex that scraped her cheek.

"why!" she screamed furiously, using her mind now to drive a great wind around her, deflecting his spells from around her body. "why do you have to make my life a goddam misery!"

Snape was marvelled by the hurricane like form that had gathered around her in her anger, and he was glad for once that she was controlling it, and that it was not an outburst of fire he was used to experiencing before they had found her a cure.

"I don't know what you're talking about" he glared, advancing closer as they battled, forcing her up the dungeon corridor, and for Serena it became too much as she stumbled on the steps behind her, crying out as she fell back and her wand clattered to the floor.

Snape was on her in a moment- his wand pressed firmly at her neck where her pulse raced so violently.

"don't you ever wish we could go back to how we were?" she whispered finally, one lone tear escaping her eye as she turned her face away to hide it.

"Enough!" The angered cry made them both jump and Snape turned his wand above Serena's head, casting a _lumos_ silently.

The headmaster looked like he was fighting an inward battle, and his blazing face scared Serena. She stood from the ground, hastily wiping away her stupid tears and turned to face him, strangely thinking about how these two metres were the closest she had been to Severus in months.

"Albus" she said quietly, suddenly feeling ashamed and indignant all at once.

"both of you, with me. Now."

Albus turned on his heel and Severus marched after him without a backward glance, his cloak billowing like a great bat behind him.

Serena hurried after them, trying to comprehend what had just happened. She had duelled with Snape- and lost. And it seemed both of them had made Albus very angry…

Albus was pacing furiously behind his desk and Snape was standing lazily in the corner, a look of pure boredom on his face.

Serena was silent, unsure of how to act, other than to stand like a schoolgirl, caught out for wandering the corridors late at night.

"explain yourselves" Albus muttered finally.

Snape was silent and Serena shot a glare at him before taking the bait herself. "we had a… disagreement, is all" she muttered, not meeting Albus' eyes.

"well at least you're talking" he muttered, the frustration radiating off him.

"did you know that young Dennis Creevey saw you?"

Serena's mouth dropped open. "no-"

"yes, he has confessed he went to graffiti 'dungeon bat' on Severus' door, and instead nearly got caught in the cross fire."

Serena pressed her lips together tightly, trying not to laugh and she caught Albus' eye which unusually was not twinkling.

"Albus we were using nothing more than stinging hexes" Severus sighed, taking a few strides closer to the tired looking headmaster. "I know what you're thinking, but you're blowing it out of proportion. Miss Lake and I have… disagreed on something and now it is… unimportant."

Serena shot him a scowl but agreed for Albus' sake- he looked old and tired and worn, and he gazed out of the window as though their duel had awoken something in his mind.

"Albus…" Serena murmured attentively, walking up and putting her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, Severus and I will confine our disagreements for private occasions from now on."

The old man nodded and turned to her, smiling slightly. "It is good so see at least some communication between the two of you. Just don't let me catch such a thing again. Now, as punishment-"

"Albus we are not pupils-" Severus snapped glaring at Serena's way of charming Albus over.

"quite right Severus, you are teachers under my authority. As you are spending tomorrow away, Serena will take your classes, and as you will have some spare time instead of lesson planning tomorrow morning, you will write her a letter of apology, do I make myself clear?"

Albus chuckled as he was sent two glares that almost looked identical. "my you do look a sight" he chuckled, "now off you go, pip pip."

Severus was quick to the door but then slowed when he realised what Serena had wanted. "you'll have to come with me, for your potion" he muttered in the politest voice he could muster. She nodded silently and followed him out, shooting a begrudged smile to Albus before shutting the door.

"where are you going tomorrow?" she asked to break the clearly uncomfortable silence as they walked down the dark corridor.

"take a guess" he muttered, shooting her a dark glance.

She nodded slowly. "be careful."

Severus was silent, but he couldn't help the inward feel of his chest growing warm, at the fact that _someone_ cared for him.

Someone he had pushed away.

Someone who thought he hated her.

Someone he loved with all his black, crooked heart.

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**A/N: sorry this took so long! i just couldn't get it right, so after much editing- here is the final copy. Thanks for all your reviews so far! especially to those of you who dont have an account- so i cant reply- but thank you thank you! **


	46. Chapter 45

_Dear Miss Lake,_

_I apologise for whatever crime Albus believes I have committed._

_Severus Snape._

As she read the neat italic script, a smirk formed on her face, imagining the fury he felt as he worded such simple words. A sharp bang and a flash or red light startled her from her thoughts and the smirk was replaced by a scowl when she realised why she was in his classroom.

"for god's sake Longbottom, all you have to do is do what it says on the board! There's no bloody trick to it!" His melted cauldron was vanished with a swish of her wand and she noticed his terrified expression and wobbling bottom lip.

"what?" she asked, a frown on her brow, "I'm not gonna bite you Merlin, do I look like Professor Snape? Just get another cauldron and start again."

The class' low snicker of laughter was quickly drowned out by their usual chatter and Serena wandered through the dark aisles, her fingers running along the spines of the books at the back. _he even has books about mermaids_ she thought, amazed at his variation of knowledge.

"Where's Professor Snape, Professor?" the familiar drawl of Draco Malfoy reached her ears and she walked slowly over to him.

"no idea Malfoy, is there a problem?"

"no. Will he be back for our lesson tomorrow?"

"no idea Malfoy, and I don't see how Professor Snape has anything to do with the invisibility potion you are brewing."

"do you not get on, Professor? I heard about the duel-"

"Malfoy utter one more word and you'll be in detention faster than you can say flobberworm."

Malfoy sniggered at her and she could feel her temperature rising. Albus was right; Dennis Creevey didn't disappoint- the entire school knew.

"who won?" Malfoy blurted out before she could stop him. The Slytherin's laughed and she glared at them.

"twenty points from Slytherin and detention, Saturday morning, my office."

Draco's smirk was still evident on his face and Serena glared at him, gritting her teeth together as he turned back to the Slytherins and said in a voice clearly meant for her to hear; "my money's on Snape."

"Merlin! Just get out Malfoy I don't want you in my damn lesson." Serena vanished his cauldron with a wave of her wand as he stood up, red faced and angry.

"you can't throw me out! That damn potion was nearly finished!"

"I bloody well can, now get out before I make you. If you have a problem go cry to Snape- who knows- maybe we'll have another duel about it tomorrow."

The class was still, no one daring to breathe as the clogs in Malfoy's head turned and he realised she wasn't kidding. In a huff he grabbed his bag and stormed out the room in a tantrum, slamming the door behind him.

Serena rolled her eyes after him and felt thirty faces on her. "you should be on stage eight by now" she muttered, walking into the store room.

She leant against the ladder and gazed up into the masses of shelves, each laden with labelled vials and jars and pots. Some she recognised, like the crystal clear vial of Veritaserum, and some she didn't, such as a lumpy green substance mixed with what appeared to be rat's tails.

She traced her finger over his dark italic labels and the way his letter 'h' swirled at the top. She remembered searching for a potion with him almost a year ago, and like she did then she shut her eyes and focussed on the water molecules around her.

"ehem… professor?"

She opened her eyes slowly and turned to meet Hermione Granger, who blushed and bit her bottom lip as she handed her the pale blue bottle. "I'm finished."

"perfect Miss Granger, take ten points, now perhaps you could start the essay on poison antidotes Professor Snape's set for you?"

She nodded and scurried back to her seat, met by glares of jealous class mates. _Poor girl,_ Serena thought. _It's not her fault she's bright. _

Along with two of her own lessons and Severus' last lesson of the day, Serena had a busy day, although she took the time to write to Sirius, knowing it was only fair to tell him truthfully how she felt. They had to end what they had started, it was wrong and unchristian, but most of all she simply felt as though she was betraying herself. She had thought it no big deal- casual sex, friends helping friends, but there were always consequences. By the end of the day she felt lighter already and was packing away cauldrons and cleaning a spillage off the floor of Snape's classroom before he returned.

The sound of the floo igniting in Severus' living quarters made her freeze and she put down the scales she was carrying and listened carefully. As she moved closer to the door she heard someone moving about and swearing, she was sure it was him. She knocked the door loudly but when no answer came she unlocked the door and pushed it open.

Severus was slumped on the floor, leaning back against his sofa his face crumpled up and his body shaking.

"shit Severus?" she made to move over to him but he shook his head violently and growled "no!"

"wh-what happened?" her eyes raked over his shaking body and she moved closer again.

Every step she took scared him shitless. It wasn't even the fact that he knew she would find out if she touched him, it was more than that, the thing that truly terrified him was that he _needed_ her to touch him, to make his pain go away physically and emotionally but it couldn't happen, he _wouldn't_ ruin his plan. Gathering his Slytherin pride he snarled at her, "don't touch me dammit!"

She bit her lip and lowered herself to her knees slowly about two metres away from him.

"let me help you" she almost whispered, loathing seeing him in such pain.

"leave" he managed to growl. "I've lived… through much worse than this…without your damn help…"

Tears began to well in Serena's eyes as she watched the man try to bring his body under control, the effects of the cruciatus curse screaming through his muscles.

"you're scaring me" she whispered truthfully.

"then LEAVE!" he roared at her, "just get out of my fucking office! Get away from me there's nothing you can do!"

"I can't leave you like this dammit! Why are you so fucking stubborn? I don't care if you hate me! I don't care if you wish I was dead-" her voice broke as tears finally cascaded down her cheeks, "just let me help you and I'll go."

"not true" he muttered, his eyes watching her drip from the end of her chin. "just get me Poppy and leave. please."

She nodded, brushing away her tears impatiently. "are you ever going to tell me what changed?"

He shook his head.

"ok" she muttered, standing up and moving towards the door. Her eyes lingered on his one more time and then she turned away and left.

She sent a patronus to Poppy and let her feet carry her through the castle blindly, until she came to a door she wanted. Her eyes grazed over the heavy wooden arch hiding the room she had only been into once before, before her hand reached out and pushed it open slowly. It was dusk outside, yet sunlight flickered through the magic stained glass windows, lighting the path for her as she walked slowly down the carpeted aisle and slid into a wooden pew.

Staring up at the great wooden crucifix she begged forgiveness. Forgiveness for all the stupid mistakes she had made- her time away from Kingsley and the way she hadn't told him every single day how much she loved him.

And then there were her mistakes afterwards… she thought of the alcohol and the men, she had been wrong and confused, trying to move on too quickly and too irrationally. He would have hated to see her so… reckless and irresponsible… Even her recent fling with Sirius had been a mistake, she could see that now- she had needs, yes, but she'd have to live with them being unfulfilled, this new "_slut"_ as Severus had rightly called her, wasn't who she was.

And Severus… she could barely look at him anymore without feeling the loss of the friendship they'd once had. Albus had once told her that Severus showing her the Dark Mark was like him showing her a piece of his soul; damaged and dangerous, yet the idea and concept behind it was sort of beautiful.

As she sat there, feeling a calmness and a peace wash over her, she heard the door open behind her.

"I often come down here to think. It is rather relaxing, is it not?" Albus' footsteps were quiet as he walked towards the girl who had not turned around, and sat next to her on the pew.

"Hello Albus."

"My dear, have you found what you were looking for?"

"I think so," she murmured. "are all wizards and witches Christian, Albus?"

"no they are not, that is up to the person in question."

"but then… do you have other places of worship for other religions in the castle?"

"this room is religious, but it holds a kind of magic: a true magic of the heart. It becomes what one believes it should become."

She nodded slowly, "like the room of requirement?"

"perhaps. Is a requirement different to a need this great? I hope you have found peace here, I know how difficult things have been this year for you."

"there's a story I like to remember sometimes" she said quietly, gazing at the sun rays pouring through the window. "it talks of a man walking along a beach with the Lord, and scenes from his life play out before him. As they walk through his life they leave footprints behind them, one set are his and the other belongs to the Lord. And when they reach the end he looks back and realises that in some of the most trying times of his life there are only one set of footprints.

"He feels confused… betrayed… and he turns to the Lord and says, 'My Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd be with me all the way. Why is it that during some of the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints? Why would you leave me when I needed you more than ever?'

And the Lord turns to him and says; 'My son, my precious child, I _love_ you and I would _never_ leave you. During your times of suffering when you see only one set of footprints in the sand- _it was then that I carried you._'

Serena smiled through the tears that had flown freely down her face. "don't you think it's beautiful Albus? The thought that God is with us always?"

Albus turned to her with equally watery eyes. "you have a beautiful soul my dear, I know that much."

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**A/N: reviews are also beautiful things... ;] **


	47. Chapter 46

Two days after, Serena settled into her usual comfy chair opposite Albus and began her questions.

"what happened to him Albus?" Serena asked quietly, taking a sip of her earl grey tea and looking up at the old man.

"you know, I presume, where he went?"

"He went with the death eaters somewhere, I know that much."

Albus sighed unhappily, "yesterday was supposed to be a 'social' visit. Lucius Malfoy tends to hold get-together's to test people's loyalty, and to see who he is in competition with. He wants to be a favourite when the dark lord is strong again."

"that doesn't explain why Severus is injured so. He was shaking Albus, it was terrifying, I've never seen him so out of control."

Albus looked into the young girl's eyes which were so full of sadness and pain that it made his own crinkle. "Yesterday they were playing one of Lucius' favourites- they see who can withstand the cruciatus curse the most. Severus, being stubborn as he is, always refuses to give in. He says he has to build his tolerance levels…"

"the idiot" Serena whispered.

"Perhaps" Albus inclined his head. "but I think it takes more than idiocy to do such a thing."

Serena thought about all the times he'd had to leave, all the times she'd seen him walking from the staff hospital wing. He never mentioned it, never complained, he just did what was needed of him, what we all needed to win the war.

"he's so brave" she murmured, her eyes unfocused and glazy.

"In most respects" Albus replied, more to himself than Serena- if only the man could get the courage needed to tell the girl how he felt.

"I have to go and see him later anyway" she sighed, "I'm meeting Remus this weekend and I said I'd pick up his wolfsbane, rather than him having to come to the castle. I think he's worried that he's not going to be fully recovered for the second Triwizard Task next week.

"ah yes" Albus said heavily, suddenly looking years older. "that mystery."

"still no clue about Potter?"

"it's so damn infuriating!" Albus said, jumping up and marching to his pensive. She watched as he prodded it with the tip of his wand and then turned slowly back to her, looking worried for the first time she could remember.

"Sirius was telling me about him, he's not scared just… confused… Sirius is beside himself with worry, keeps teaching Potter to duel better, as though he'd have any chance against the Dark Lord."

"you don't believe in the boy?"

"not yet. time will tell" she said, the hint of a smile on her lips. "I'll keep an eye out Albus; it'll be alright in the end."

As she walked down the dungeon steps she paused, taking a deep breath and calming herself; she did not need another row today.

He opened on her second knock, looking much the same as he always did. "yes?" he drawled out, keeping an unwelcome stance at the door.

"Remus asked me to pick up his Wolfsbane if it's ready," she said, avoiding his dark probing gaze.

There was a long pause.

"well?" she said finally, "do you?" she didn't want to stand there and be judged by him.

"come in" he said curtly, turning and walking into his stores.

Serena walked apprehensively inside and looked around the room, her eyes flickering to the table they used to sit on for hours, little more than a metre between them, just practising occlumency. He had kissed her in this room… she had kissed him in here… even if it had not been romantic she would like to think it was friendly. Everything had changed- from her feelings to his hair- which made him look so much younger and… attractive. It was upsetting, standing amongst their memories, but she swallowed the emotion and he came back in, holding a large green bottle.

"are you okay now?" she asked as he wrote something on the label.

"obviously" he muttered.

"well actually it's not particularly obvious" she snapped, "seeing as you keep your feelings so tightly locked inside of you."

"unlike yourself" he muttered, not looking up as he signed his signature.

"ah, so it's a crime to display what makes us human then?"

He thrust the bottle at her jerkily, "take it and shut the door on your way out."

_But that was when everything changed. _

One, miniscule, yet crucial mistake- just when he thought his every emotion was under control. Severus Snape did not make mistakes in his work; if he did he was dead. Yet people often say, sometimes we are too focused on our enemies- we forget to look at our friends, and that's what he did.

And so he didn't notice as she reached out to take it from him.

He didn't notice that his hand was still wrapped firmly around the bottle.

That the only way she could possibly take it would to be to touch his hand.

One split second of contact- a brush of her fingertips that would change his miserable life forever.

Her cry as they connected was loud; one of surprise and confusion and neither of them noticed as the glass bottle slipped through Severus' fingers, falling to the floor and shattering into thousands of tiny fragments.

There was a moment of silence that followed as they both stared at each other, Severus completely rooted to the spot, his arm still outstretched; and Serena, whose eyes were flickering between her hand and Severus' horrified expression, asking for a contradiction to what she had felt.

"wh- what was that?" Her voice was shaky, bewildered and doubtful and her eyebrows were starting to hurt from being raised for so long.

"I don't know what you mean" he said hoarsely, stepping back slowly.

"don't lie to me" she said quietly, trying to process the thoughts in her head. "but- but you hate me."

"I don't hate you" Severus growled. He calmed himself, not wanting to make the situation worse. "I don't hate you" he said in a quieter, more controlled voice.

"you've been ignoring me for months" she said in almost a whisper.

"I had to." Severus said, "I had to because…" He gave in, he could not hide any longer, he could not torture himself- here was his chance. "I had to because I couldn't do that to myself again."

"I don't…" Serena tried to make sense of what he was saying.

"I have done this before!" Severus said angrily. "this- this emotion- whatever you want to call it! I have done it before, and it has been unrequited and I did not want to make such unnecessary mistakes once again." He paced back and forth not wanting to see her face, her disgust, her rejection. "You- you love Kingsley, or Black, or whoever! Either way I-"

"Kingsley is gone" Serena interrupted quietly, her eyes close to tears. Severus… loved her? And he had hidden it because he thought it was unrequited?

"and your latest… development?"

"I don't love Sirius, I never did."

Severus looked around sharply, forcing himself to look at her. He was shocked and he was given… hope? She was looking at him with a pitiful expression on her face, pity but amazement and… wonder. She loved him. He could see it in her face- she loved him!

"you love me." Severus voiced suddenly.

"I…" she shook her head- she couldn't love him, she just couldn't. "you haven't spoken two words to me in the past six months, you didn't give me a reason you didn't-"

"I'm sorry" Severus said honestly, "I'm so sorry I just…I did not want to… confuse you."

"confuse me? You hurt me Severus- you abandoned me! You were my- you were- I… I could talk to you about anything and then… I trusted you."

"you still trust me," he said stepping closer to her over the shattered glass and looking down into her brown eyes.

She looked into his molten black depths and was taken aback by what she saw so clearly- it was love- just pure, complete- unconditional love. Her lips parted as she let it fill her up and Severus' expression softened as he saw exactly the same in her.

"you love me" he repeated again, more softly.

"I… I can't" she shook her head frantically stepping back from him. She was scared, terrified of what she was realising. She could not stay here; she could not stay where the truth screamed at her.

"I can't" she said quickly, finding the door with her hand. "I… I'm sorry." She turned and opened the door.

"Serena!" Severus shouted sharply, but she had shut the door and was gone.

* * *

**A/N: FINALLY! **

**don't hate me *evil laugh. **

wow the broken tension and frustration is such a relief... REVIEWS PLEASE! tell me what you think of our tiresome pair :D


	48. Chapter 47

Severus groaned loudly as he slumped into his chair and put his head between his hands. What had just happened? It was out in the open now- she knew his feelings- she knew everything.

She loved him, he was sure- yet she had run out on him. Was it… horror? He knew he was not what she wanted- he was old and worn with a bad reputation and a disgusting background that followed him around everywhere. Had he correctly interpreted what he saw in her eyes or had he just seen what he wanted to see? He waved his wand and vanished the now useless potion, feeling helpless and uncontrolled.

"get a grip" he muttered to himself, rubbing his tired eyes. "she's just one girl Severus."

But then his entire life had been destroyed by just one girl before… except Lily was never 'just' anything. She was everything; kind, warm hearted, beautiful, funny, accepting- and her smile… oh her smile… Severus smiled himself when he pictured his love beaming at him… and then she turned into Serena and his smile turned sad… another unrequited, hopeless love?

Time would tell.

Serena sat on her sofa, a glass of wine in her hand. Did that really just happen? She tried to think everything through logically. She thought back to the last time she'd had physical contact with Severus. It had been the last time she was at his house in Spinner's end yet… she had not been able to feel emotion then- she had been so full of grief for Kingsley she felt nothing. She had only begun to recover her senses after that visit… and she had sent him a letter telling him- it was after that he had ignored her.

But then… he must have acquired these feelings sometime between that letter and Kingsley's death. Including the time she had spent at his house, but then… why did he keep it to himself? Why hadn't he told her? But of course, what would she have said? After the death of her fiancé she would have been shocked that he could put such a thing on her. She would have felt guilty toward Kingsley, she would have said no to Severus and then it would have been lost forever. Did she love Severus? She wouldn't let herself see the truth- she couldn't love him- she just couldn't. She had loved Kingsley with all her strength and it had caused her the fiercest, strongest, most violent heart wrenching pain she had felt in her life: how could she ever risk such a pain again?

She shut her eyes and sighed- she had almost preferred it when she thought Severus hated her. No- that was a lie. She was just confused as to what to do and how to feel.

She knew it had been unfair on Severus- to walk out on him so abruptly. She would have to apologise.

She hardly slept that night and the next day she stayed in- not wanting to see anyone. That evening she put on a long white shirt and her best pair of jeans and checked her hair in the mirror. She thought she looked quite good- yet she didn't know why she was bothered about her looks- she had more pressing things on her mind. She put on a small pair of black heels and walked down to the dungeon, pausing outside and repeating over in her head what she had rehearsed.

Her knock was timid yet the door opened almost immediately and Severus wrenched it open, his shirt open a few buttons and sweat on his brow. She spotted a cauldron bubbling behind him.

"can I come in?" she said quietly, averting her eyes and applying occlumency from his intense gaze.

Severus moved over to the side and shut the door behind her.

"I just came to apologise for my behaviour last night," she said in a controlled, calm voice. "I should not have walked out on you, it was unfair. I am sorry for my behaviour but…I can't continue our discussion, it's pointless and it will just hurt us both."

"It's not pointless" Severus said in a smooth voice.

"It is" she said retreating. "I'm sorry for last night Severus, now I have to go."

She turned to the door and tried it, but it was locked. She span around and saw Severus with his wand out.

"let me out" she said angrily.

"no."

"let me out!" There was threat in her voice.

"tell me how you feel!"

"I can't- I don't want to, it won't make a difference!" she shouted, backing up against the door.

"it will make all the difference!"

"you don't know that! You can't do this to me Severus, let me out!"

"not until you admit it!"

"there's nothing to admit!"

"you're lying! why won't you tell the truth!"

"because I'm scared!" she screamed.

There was silence and Serena cursed herself inside for letting the truth escape. She shut her eyes briefly, banging her head lightly against the door behind her.

"I'm scared" she admitted more quietly. "I'm scared that if I let you mean something to me, then I will get hurt. The pain of loosing someone… you know how it feels…"

"I'm not going to get myself killed."

"you don't know that!" she cried. "you don't know- you're a death eater for God's sake! And if it's not death, it could be something else- what if you leave me! What if you get fed up- you-"

"I would _never_ leave you," he said in a clear, almost threatening voice.

"then you're a fool" she whispered, trying to stop the tears welling in her eyes. "Why are you doing this to yourself? Please- choose someone else, please…"

"there's no one else" he said firmly, his eyes watching her closely.

"I've been a- I don't deserve someone like you Severus I… God I've been an idiot… Running about with a different man every week making myself look like a…"

"everybody makes mistakes" he murmured, taking a tentative step forward.

She shook her head and waved him back blindly. "I just wanted… I just wanted to _mean_ something to someone, to have someone who I belonged to and in the end I just disgraced myself and-"

"stop talking" he commanded quietly. "Everybody. Makes. Mistakes."

"then you're making one now. I… God I've missed you unbelievably… I missed the man who slept on my sofa, I missed the man who held my hand and slept under the stars with me just so I wasn't alone… I missed the man who showed me his vulnerability just for one fleeting magical moment…" her eyes flickered down to his left forearm before gazing back into his mysterious eyes; the eyes where she felt safe and protected.

She pressed her lips together tightly, "how can you love me?"

His lips twitched into a faint smile. "I don't know how, but it's the surest about anything I've ever been in my whole dammed life. Serena… please…" He almost begged her, begged her to straighten his life out, begged her to give him something worth living for, begged her not to reject him…

"Severus if you- if you died I… I would be… I couldn't…" A tear rolled down Serena's cheek and she let her true feelings overflow her, letting them fill her up with such warmth and light. She blinked through her tears- refocusing her eyes onto the man she had always wanted. "I love you" she said through her tears, realising it herself.

Severus smiled in relief, and she smiled sadly too.

"Promise me you won't die" she begged him as he walked over to her.

"I can't promise you I won't die," he said softly, putting his hands on her waist gently. "but I can promise you I'll try my best not to."

He leant down and brushed his lips to her neck lovingly, his hands caressing her waist and pulling her closer to him. Serena shut her eyes, almost laughing at the complete shock and yet happiness she felt.

She moved a hand to Severus' cheek, her thumb drawing circles as they gazed into each others eyes and she moved his face slightly in front of hers. Then she reached up and kissed him very softly on the lips, her eyes widening as she felt a fierce fire of warmth and passion burning through her, her skin sizzling at their contact and the energy that fuelled between them as Severus deepened the kiss, pushing his body close against hers, her breasts pressing against his chest. He was like fire and ice on her skin and she could feel the muscles of his arms and chest and the pure power and strength concealed underneath his cloak.

Serena couldn't help the soft moan escaping her lips and she wanted every part of him at the same time; she ran her hands through his soft hair, across his cheek and then wrapped them around his neck, enjoying the feeling of him against her body. Severus drew back very slightly, allowing himself to look at his prize. His eyes grazed over her face hungrily- she was perfect.

"make me yours" she murmured, her eyes twinkling with passion.

Severus took her hand and pulled her through to his bedroom, shutting the door behind them and plunging them into darkness. There was no smile on his face, just a passionate glitter in his dark eyes. He couldn't think; he couldn't comprehend what was happening; all he knew was that he felt more alive than he ever had.

"do you trust me?" his silky, dangerous voice glistened through the black.

"with my life" came the seductive whisper from Serena's smiling lips.

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**A/N: ... finally...phew...reviews are muchly appreciated...xxx**


	49. Chapter 48

Serena stirred slightly in her sleep and her eyes flickered open when she felt someone else beside her and as all the memories of the night flew back to her she realised that he wasn't just beside her- he was _kissing _her.

"Sev-" she began but he hushed her and went back to kissing her neck, her breasts, her stomach.

Serena couldn't hold back any longer and a whimper of pleasure escaped her lips as she entwined her fingers in the locks of Severus' hair that were trailing over her navel.

He chuckled a deep rumble and moved up her body to gaze into her eyes. He breathed in deeply and his eyes darkened with passion as he smelt himself on her. The way that he could mark her to be completely and only his drove him wild and his mouth found hers roughly in the darkness as her thighs spread and lifted to cradle his body between them.

"Shh" he hushed sitting up in the darkness. Serena lay still, listening intently, but all she could hear was their laboured breathing and all she could feel was his erection pressing into her stomach.

Her fingers trailed down his arm languidly and smiled at his silhouette above her; he was back in alert mode- his senses perceiving any threat or abnormality around them.

They waited still for a few more seconds and then Serena heard a distant knocking sound. "fuck" muttered Severus under his breath. "I have to get it."

He climbed up from the bed and pulled on some dark trousers, and then a shirt, buttoning it up as he scrambled for his wand. He turned towards the door but small hands quickly found his face in the darkness. Serena stood on tip toes and kissed him passionately, making sure he thought of nothing but her. It definitely worked and Severus had to apply occlumency to clear his mind.

"stay in here" he murmured to her, before hurrying into the classroom and opening the office door.

Albus was waiting patiently outside.

"I'm sorry Albus, I was just mixing a potion" he said, and truthfully it was not all a lie.

"Ah, Severus, I am glad you are here. I need you to make a replenishing potion for me, as soon as possible, could I collect it tomorrow?"

"of course" Severus said as normally as he could, but Albus noticed his awkward stance, his hastily buttoned t shirt and the happy glint in his eyes.

"Severus" he said, a sharper tone to his voice. "I thought I asked you not to bring women back to the castle?"

"Albus!" he cried, shocked by his words. "I have not! And I do not!" he prayed with all his heart Serena had not heard it.

"I should hope not. But listen, my boy…" Albus patted his shoulder in a fatherly gesture but Severus couldn't stop thinking about Serena lying in the other room, waiting for him… "my boy you have to leave the past in the past… I know that you have some delusion about not being able to be happy or being ashamed of the things you have done but… Severus you only treated those women badly because you had to-"

"Albus! Please!" he growled angrily. He walked toward the door and held it open in a hostile manner, slamming it behind him.

Albus left with confusion in his mind but he had made it twenty three steps before the pieces in his mind clicked. "ah Albus" he said chuckling to himself. "your reactions are slowing, old man."

Severus stood still, staring at the door where Albus had just left. It was as though his intrusion had brought Severus back to reality- crashing down to earth in the most destructive manner possible, because how could it have lasted- this unimaginable happiness he had felt.

He heard movement behind him but he could not bring himself to look at her- it was over, it had to be over, she had to get out now before it was too late. It had been the best few hours of his life- but it could not last- good things never did. He knew she needed answers- she must be so horrified at what Albus had said- the other women he'd had, the way he had treated them…

"I- I don't bring anyone back here" he said in a gruff voice.

Silence. Serena did not know what to say- it was clear Severus thought Albus' words would bother her- but they did not. She loved him unconditionally- and of course he'd had a past! But that was not important anymore- only the future was, and the love she had found in him was all she could think of.

"You should leave," he continued, still talking to the door.

"I don't want to leave" came back her frightened reply. Was he saying it had been a mistake? He didn't love her-

Serena's reply had made Severus turn around and his mouth dropped open when he saw her. She was standing in the doorframe wearing his white shirt, rolled up at the sleeves, just covering the tops of her thighs and open at the neck.

"you heard what he said?" he said, clearing his throat and mind.

She nodded, unsure of what he was getting at.

"I… I did not treat women how I should have."

"okay."

"why aren't you angry? Why aren't you raging at me- why aren't you-"

"why would I be angry? What right do I have?" She took a few steps closer to him, trying to understand his sudden aggression and anger. "So you've treated women badly- but… I hope you wish you hadn't- and… if- if you ever have a different woman in the future, I hope you treat her with respect-"

"what's that supposed to mean?" he interrupted.

"well judging by your tone and sudden change of attitude I'm… I'm guessing you have regrets about me, and so-"

"I do not" he said sharply.

"well then why-"

"it can not last!" he cried, "how can it- reality must return!"

"this is reality" she said firmly. "right here and now- you and me, standing here. This is reality."

"I'm not a nice man," he said almost threateningly.

"I know" she replied calmly from across the room.

"no you don't!" he cried exasperated. "I have killed people! Cold blood- complete murder! I have tortured people for answers! I have raped women! The blood that runs through my veins is as dark as the mark that I bear-"

"and what of your heart?" she said softly. "that's not dark, I'm as sure of that as I am sure of my own heart Severus. You've insisted the light be turned off for these past few hours without giving me a reason why- yes of course I've noticed" she muttered as he looked sharply at her. "Do you think that if I saw your dark mark it would change my feelings towards you? I've seen it before Severus, I know what it symbolises and why you have it and it only makes my love for you stronger…"

"Then you're an idiot!" he cried. "I am arrogant, and dangerous and jealous and possessive and everything I touch turns to death-"

"Severus" she interrupted calmly. "whose shirt am I wearing?"

The answer was obvious but Serena waited patiently for an answer, not taking her eyes of him.

"mine" he said finally.

"then who do I belong to?"

Severus looked up at her, wondering if he had heard correctly. He had not expected that- a complete acceptance and understanding of his possessive streak- no one understood it- no one accepted it- no one dealt with it… But here she was surrendering herself to him.

"you shouldn't say that" he said quietly. "you shouldn't be wearing that."

"then take it off me" she said, her eyes twinkling.

Severus sighed and made to turn away from her but she walked over quickly and made him look into he warm brown eyes, conveying only love for him.

"I need it" she said quietly. "I need you to protect me, to own me, I have to belong to you- else where do I belong? I love you Severus Snape, I love you more than I can comprehend and I definitely didn't turn to death when you touched me an hour ago… quite the opposite" she blushed. "Don't torture yourself when there is no point. I love you. Don't leave me."

There was a split second of silence where her words sunk in and he gazed into her face, overcome by the emotion she showed for him.

"marry me" he said suddenly, unable to contain his love and feelings. It was almost an order.

A smile broke out over her face at his words; they were so unexpected she almost laughed. "do you mean that?" she said her eyes gleaming with passion.

"marry me" he repeated in a slightly softer voice, "make an honest man of me Serena."

"yes" she said laughing, "yes, yes, yes."

Severus scooped her up in his arms and marched back towards the bedroom, "you're mine now" he growled before he captured her lips and they fell backwards onto the great bed.

* * *

**A/N: *shamelessly begs for reviews xxx**


	50. Chapter 49

Serena awoke the next morning, wearing Severus' shirt and wrapped in his arms tightly, his thigh pressing between her legs and pinning her to the bed. As her eyes flickered open they met his dark eyes gazing down at her and she realised he must have woken her. She smiled dreamily. "hello."

The corners of his mouth twitched and he stroked her hair back from her face. "good morning," he purred. "would you like to take a shower?"

She giggled and let herself be dragged off by him. After their lengthy shower Serena summoned some clothes from her office but Severus did not let her put them on- instead he wrapped her in his shirt again. He did the buttons for her slowly and she didn't take her eyes from his face as though she was mesmerised by this handsome man.

"I'll make you some breakfast" she said when he was finished. "you go and make your potion for Albus, and can you start some of my own? If last night was anything to go by I think I'm going to need to keep my magic under control."

"I had forgotten about Albus," he murmured, stroking the side of her face with his rough fingertips.

"I know you had," she smiled.

He kissed her again, unable to keep away but she almost pushed him towards the store cupboards. "go, go, he'll be here soon."

Serena could not stop smiling as she fried breakfast for Severus. Everything had changed yesterday and she could hardly believe it was for real. She realised her feelings had been there for a long time- else why would it have hurt so much when Severus was away from her? But now she had found such amazing happiness in him and had made her decision. This was what she wanted. He was… he was her soul mate, if she believed in such things and she realised Severus did not fall in love with just anyone- she had thought he was still in love with, and mourning for, Lily. But she had healed him- as he had healed her.

Severus made the potion as quickly as was possible- wanting to get back to Serena. When he did she pushed him into his armchair and handed him his cooked breakfast on a plate.

"it looks delicious" he murmured, his eyes still trained on her.

She laughed. "I'm going to go and sort my hair out."

He watched her disappear into the bedroom again. He could not quite believe this was happening. Did this mean now that he was engaged? They were in love and she would be his wife! He could not stop smiling all the way through eating, and he even washed the plate by hand.

"better?" she said, standing in the doorway. She had clipped her fringe back, just how he like it.

"beautiful" he said quietly. She blushed slightly and walked over to sit in his lap. He smiled and kissed her beautiful face. "we have some things we have to talk about" Serena murmured. It was almost impossible not to look into his dark eyes.

"we do."

"I don't think people should know about us, just yet."

"I agree" he said, stroking her soft hair. "we should be anonymous for the time being, especially from students."

"although I imagine Albus already knows" she said smiling.

"it's probable, although it did not appear that way last night."

"why did his words have such an affect on you?" she asked, linking her fingers through his.

"I… He showed my dark side" he admitted. "the… the women I have… they-"

"the other women you have been with?" she said smiling slightly at his embarrassment.

"they were not respectable," he said shortly.

"were they prostitutes?" she asked curiously.

He nodded once, not looking at her- he felt ashamed.

"I thought it was just natural talent" she said smiling teasingly, "not years of practice."

Severus looked back down at her surprised. Again- she was not horrified or outraged- she accepted it and did not judge him for it.

"you should be disgusted" he said quietly.

"people have needs… anyway I don't think I'm one to judge..."

"you amaze me" he said kissing her forehead lightly. "anyway, tell me about you and Black."

"me and Sirius just had a physical relationship- nothing else, neither of us wanted anymore, it was just… entirely physical."

"I did not like the way he treated you" Severus said through gritted teeth, remembering the meeting at Grimauld place.

"I treated him as he treated me," she said sternly. "don't judge Sirius, don't blame him. It's in the past… let it go."

He nodded, not entirely happy, but she kissed him and he became lost once more. This time she took control and there was no asking in that kiss, just taking. Her hands moved across his chest, feeling the power from his arms and shoulders as her fingers entwined in his hair and she felt him stir beneath her.

There was a knock on the door.

"dammit" Severus said angrily as Serena scrambled off him. She stayed in the kitchen to hide and this time it was Severus who kissed her, making sure all she thought about was him.

She watched through the crack in the door as Severus picked up the potion and opened the door to Albus.

"Severus, my boy, how are you?"

"fine Albus and yourself?"

"marvellous, absolutely marvellous."

"here is your potion."

"excellent, excellent! Now, are you going to invite me in for a coffee?"

"actually-"

"excellent!" Albus walked in and Severus had no choice but to shut the door behind him.

Serena tiptoed into the bedroom quickly and listened in the darkness.

"tea or coffee?" Severus said in a disgruntled voice, casually vanishing the cups from that morning with a subtle wave of his wand.

"coffee, please. Now I've had it confirmed I am getting so much older," Albus said cheerfully, sitting down and crossing his legs comfortably.

"that is a natural process Albus" Severus said smoothly, boiling the kettle.

"indeed, but it was confirmed for me last night."

"indeed" Severus said sourly.

"yes- you see I came here, to see you so foolishly dressed and with such extreme happiness in your eyes, I merely assumed you had some- er- purchase, if I may, however-"

"Albus, what are you getting at?" Severus said sharply.

"well my dear boy, you seem to have set only two mugs out, rather than the three required."

After an awkward silence the bedroom door creaked open and Serena stepped from the darkness, a guilty expression on her face. "Albus, it's my fault, I know it's not professional but-"

"not at all, not at all" Albus waved her off, beaming. "now come and join us!"

"er… I'll just put on something more, er suitable" she said slightly awkwardly, realising she was in Severus' shirt, with little underneath.

She disappeared back into the bedroom and Severus sat down, handing Albus his coffee in a slightly disgruntled manner. "how did you know?"

"ah, just your joy last night, of course. I am so happy for you Severus!"

Severus smiled slightly. "I am a very lucky man" he said quietly.

"indeed you are, she is magnificent, and quite a beauty might I add."

Severus smiled fully this time. "she is."

Serena came in at that point and sat next to Albus on the sofa, smiling at Severus opposite her.

"now, how are you, my dear?" he asked her smiling.

"I'm… perfect" she said softly, not taking her eyes from Severus.

Albus chuckled, "ah, young love."

"we're going to keep it private though Albus" Serena said, forcing her eyes away from Severus. "and if you aren't happy about members of staff having a relationship, then I can get another job, I-"

"don't worry about it! I have no such rules! I am… so very happy for you! And now, I shan't intrude any longer." He stood up and Severus showed him to the door.

"look after her, my boy. Although I can see from the way you look at her, that I don't need to tell you."

"Albus I…" Severus checked Serena was out of ear shot. "thank you for… I should have taken your advice before, I have never been so happy."

Albus' eyes filled up and he shook the man's hand firmly, before smiling at him and walking back to his office.

Severus shut the door and turned walked back into the kitchen where Serena was sitting on the sofa waiting for him. "I knew we couldn't hide anything from him," she said. He sat down next to her and she moved closer into his side, letting him put an arm around her.

"what are your plans for this weekend?" he asked her, hoping she had none.

"today I have to take Remus' wolfsbane and tomorrow daytime I am going to see a Quidditch match with Sirius. Otherwise, I'm as free as a hippogriff."

"and how are you planning to spend your free time?"

"well that depends" she smiled. "on whether you are free this weekend too, and whether you'd like to spend some time with me?"

"spend the weekend with me" he said, taken by impulse. "spend it with me and drop all your plans." He manipulated his voice to give it an authorative tone and watched as Serena shut her eyes in contentment. It appeared she liked it when he was stern.

"I'll come to Spinners End, that would be lovely, but I can't drop my plans. I'm sure you can do without me for a few hours."

"so you'd rather spend time with Black than with me?" he said slightly threateningly.

Serena laughed and sat up so she could kiss him, smiling at his lack of subtlety. "this is not about who I prefer to spend time with, this is about me sticking to promises and I'm not going to continue this discussion."

"So you do prefer Black?" he said turning his head away.

She laughed again and put a hand on the side of his face gently, so she could make him kiss her. He pretended he was reluctant, although she had won the argument a while ago, and he turned his head again, putting a scowl on his face.

Serena could not stop smiling and she turned her charms on to try and make him succumb. She kissed his cheekbone, and then his neck, and slowly made her way back to his lips, which she teased with a lick.

"well," she murmured. "seeing as you're clearly not interested, I'm going to go and see Sirius. Just…let me change into something more seductive, so that he'll want me again."

She walked into the bedroom without a backward glance and within five seconds Severus had jumped up and raced after her, slamming the bedroom door and muffling her delighted scream.


	51. Chapter 50

**A/N: I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update! hectic week, plus i wasn't happy with this chapter so i had to keep working and reworking it. hope you like it :) **

**also, some people were worried that Serena going to the Quidditch match with Sirius was a date- it's not don't worry, it's just friends meeting friends and Serena [usually] likes to keep her word. **

**As always, thanks so much for all of your reviews! each and every one is treasured like a grindylow :D **

They left Severus' office together an hour later, being careful to put distance between them and to not look too happy. They saw only Minerva who raised her eyebrows at Serena, surprised to see them within ten yards of each other, after their distinctive hate towards the other for the past eight months. Serena shrugged in a sort of 'I guess we're okay now' manner, and Severus did not say anything.

"I'll see you in twenty minutes" Serena said quietly, after they had passed her. "I'll floo to Grimauld Place from my quarters, I imagine Remus will be there and he needs his wolfsbane today."

"hurry" he murmured, his face expressionless but his eyes burning into her.

She blushed and nodded before walking away from him.

He strolled into the Great Hall on the pretence of eating an early lunch, but when he sat down he realised he wasn't really hungry anymore. His owl found him and delivered the day's Daily Prophet and he unfolded it and pretended to read.

As his eyes glazed over his head filled off images of Serena and the things she had whispered in the darkness to him. Being with her made him think of nothing else, no worries, no thoughts about the upcoming war… just her. And she trusted him; it was something he could not get his head around. She had found it so intense, being able to feel not only her feelings but the fire that was running through his body as well, that she had opened her mind to him so that he could feel it too. He'd cried out from the heat of the most passionate love making he'd ever experienced.

Serena spotted Severus sitting at a table alone and she sat down opposite him casually, ignoring the looks from the other members of staff.

"I've given it to him, Sirius is there keeping an eye on him I think. He says he's feeling a bit out of control at the moment, poor thing."

"Did you tell Black you can't go to the game?" he drawled, not looking up from his paper.

"no" she said smiling when his dark eyes flickered up to meet her warm brown ones.

"You'll regret it" he murmured dangerously.

She pressed her lips together, trying not to smile too much. "what's it worth?"

"I'd like you to spend the weekend at my house in Spinners End."

"and what would we be doing there?"

"are you sure you want to know that?" he said in his deepest baritone voice, his eyes darkening at the thoughts in his head.

"I do."

"I'm going to ravish your pretty little body in every way possible in every goddam room until you pass out from the bloody pleasure" he growled.

She blushed but did not break contact with his lust filled eyes.

"you're a very demanding man, Mr. Snape."

"You're too nice for your own good, Miss Lake."

"You're a stubborn, snarky bastard."

"You're too caught up in your own conscience," he retorted, his eyes narrowing.

"you're the best sex I've ever had."

"and I'll never let you forget it" he growled. "now follow me out you little wrench and don't be suspicious."

With a billow of robes he was gone and she watched him stalk off down the hall, students cowering in his wake. She tried to rub the blush from her cheeks and had to compose herself for a moment before she succumbed to the urge to dance naked on the table in joy. Somehow she thought Albus would disapprove.

She hurried quickly after him and whilst he started walking to apparate to Spinners End, she went to her office to floo to Grimauld Place.

"Sirius?" she called as she walked cautiously into the empty dining room and up the stairs. "Sirius?"

"Fuck yes!" came a strangled cry from the kitchen.

"It's me, Serena" she called, making her way there as another cry of "Yes!" found her.

As the kitchen door swung forward before her she froze: there was Remus and Sirius, both bent over the kitchen table in a _very_ compromising position. Her mouth dropped open, her eyes wide as she looked at the two naked men who were completely oblivious to her. "fuckkkk" Remus groaned as Sirius collapsed on top of him, both of them a tangle of sweaty, panting bodies.

"Well that was amusing" Serena said, finally working out how to close her mouth and work her voice.

They both snapped up to look at her, freezing with looks of horror on their faces.

Serena chuckled, if I turn around will you make your selves presentable?"

She didn't wait for an answer and as she turned she listened to the scramble of jeans and muttered swear words.

Sirius cleared his throat, a slight grin on his face, whilst Remus looked sheepish and sort of shrugged at her.

"explain" she said, a grin stretched out on her face as her eyes grazed over their bare muscular chests.

"You said I had to be happy with someone who knew about my condition and accepted it," Remus shrugged. "Padfoot does…" he risked a glance into his lover's eyes and blushed when he saw the fierce passion held there.

"I said It'd be a miracle if I settled down… I've found my miracle" Sirius said, not taking his eyes off Remus.

"If I wasn't still turned on I'd vomit" she laughed, walking over to hug them both, despite their sweaty state. "Then I take you don't mind Sirius if I cancel tomorrow's Quidditch game?"

"nah, I think I can find better things to do" he winked.

"right, well I'll leave you boys to it then. I don't have to warn any of you about pregnancy now, do I?" she teased.

"get out" Sirius growled, throwing a t shirt at her.

"I'm going, I'm going" she chortled. "use a silencing charm next time."

She threw the powder in the air and was back at Hogwarts before Sirius could throw anything else at her.

She picked up a bag and grabbed a few changes of clothes and her vinyl player and discs and then flooed once again; "Spinners End!"

Severus had tried to clear some room when he got to Spinners End- he had been sorting through potion books and they covered the front room. He moved everything from the sofa and from his chair and cleaned the bathroom with a wave of his wand.

He waited in the living room by the fire nervously for a few minutes and then started pacing. _What was taking her so long? Had she changed her mind?_ After ten minutes Severus was close to going to find her, when there was a sudden whoosh from the fireplace and she stumbled out.

"don't keep me waiting again" he muttered before crashing his lips to hers.

He kissed her fiercely for a moment and then drew back, a frown on his face. He sniffed the air, ignoring her bemused smirk.

"you smell of men." he muttered, looking into her eyes for any sign of betrayal.

"I do?" she said innocently.

"and sex." His voice was darker this time and she could tell he was serious.

"you need to learn to trust me, my love" she said softly, stroking the side of his face. "I went to see Sirius about the Quidditch and I caught him undertaking a bit of what we did last night with Remus on the kitchen table."

Severus raised his eyebrows. "gay?"

She nodded, "apparently so. Anyway, I dropped my plans with him and then hugged them both, which, my love, is why I smell of men. and sex."

Severus was silent and his posture was stiff and guarded.

Serena stood on her tip toes and kissed him lightly, trying to coax a reaction from his lips. "stop worrying" she murmured. "I love you, you fool."

His lips parted and he responded tenderly, his eyes falling closed and his arms pulling her closer to his body, his thumb following the curve of her jaw.

"I apologise" he muttered finally.

"come, sit" she guided him to an arm chair and pushed him into it before sliding onto his lap and nestling under his arm. He made her comfortable and rested his chin on her head, inhaling her sweet berry smell and rubbing her arm soothingly.

"do you think you can grow to trust me?" she asked softly, playing with the buttons on his cloak.

"I want to" he said hoarsely, his throat dry. "It's them I don't trust."

"they have each other now, you needn't worry. And I have you- there is nothing more I could ever dream for, I don't even understand how… I thought… I don't know, it's just I know that you've loved only one before and-"

"stop right there," Severus said pressing a finger to her lips. She smiled beneath it. "you… you helped me heal, I confess, Albus has been hinting for years about… about Lily, and that I should move on, but I found nothing worth moving on for. But then you came along and… you helped me move on, the way you forced me to talk about it" he smiled, remembering. "and… I came to care for you so much, after spending so much time with you I… It took me so long to realise… it's not me at all, it has taken me by such surprise…" Severus twirled her hair between his fingers, noticing the adoring way she was looking at him.

"when did you realise?" she said softly, hardly believing what she was hearing.

"it was…" Severus was not sure whether he should tell the truth.

"when?" she said, looking up at him, searching his face and wondering why he was lingering.

"it was the day you found out about Kingsley" he said quietly. "I realised as I carried you up to the hospital wing that I loved you, because I would have done _anything_ to make you happy again, even if that meant bringing him back and watching you live your life with him instead of me…"

Serena was silent for a moment, feeling tears prick in her eyes, but not from grief, from love for Severus. She shut her eyes and felt blindly for his lips. She kissed him softly, trying to convey her emotions through actions rather than words. She felt his love overwhelm her through his arms holding her tightly.

"you see" Severus murmured, drawing back slightly. "you were right, it has taken someone special and amazing and…" Severus kissed her again and wiped away a tear that had fallen from her face.

"I love you" she whispered, her gaze lingering on his face. He kissed her, making her forget everything again until she was crazy for his kisses.

"can I put some music on?" she asked, after they had kissed adoringly for many minutes.

"don't you prefer the silence?" he asked, having never been keen on music.

"sometimes. You've just never given music a chance."

"why would I want to listen to someone I don't know conveying in a slightly lengthened and lyrical dialogue their emotions and problems I'm not interested in?"

She smiled at his naivety. "there is some really good music out there, music to help people."

He let her slip through his arms reluctantly and she put on the music player before cuddling back into his arms. Severus breathed in the sweet berry smell of her hair and pulled her closer to him.

"okay listen" Serena said quietly, shutting her eyes and leaning her head back into Severus.

Severus decided to humour her and he listened intently to the words that followed the slow guitar medley.

_I heard there was a secret chord_

_That David played and it pleased the lord_

_But you don't really care for music, do you?_

_Well it goes like this, the fourth, the fifth,_

_The minor fall and the major lift,_

_The baffled came composing hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah. _

Serena stopped the music with a precise but fluid movement of her hand through the air.

"okay, what's it about?" she asked Severus.

"er…" Severus was puzzled by the question but he gave it his best shot. "it's… religious?"

"yes."

"and er… well he said 'do you?' so he's talking to someone. It's just about music," he concluded.

"wrong" Serena said smiling.

"to me it's about guilt, and religion and love. He fell in love with a girl and had sex with her and it's all about the different emotions in different relationships and the pain and love and grief. Listen."

_She tied you to a kitchen chair,_

_She broke your throne and she cut your hair_

_And from your lips she drew the hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah._

_Well there was a time when you let me know_

_What's really going on below_

_But now you never show that to me, do you?_

_I remember when I moved in you,_

_And the holy dove was moving too,_

_And every breath we drew was hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah…_

Serena stopped the music again and looked up at Severus in the silence that followed.

"you're wrong" Severus said frowning slightly. "you said he had sex with her. they did not, they made love."

Serena was taken by surprise and she looked at his frowning face. "I… I did not know there was a difference?"

"of course there is a difference" Severus said almost angrily. "I… I have bedded woman, and that is sex, but with you… we make love. Or at least I thought we did."

Serena could tell by the sound of his voice that he was hurt but she was struck silent. Through spending more intimate time together she was getting to know things about him. Inside he seemed to be a true romantic sometimes, and it always surprised her when he showed it. She looked up at him curiously, the back of her hand caressing his cheek. He turned his head away from her touch but she was not put off. "you're right" she murmured to him. "I've never thought about it like that… what we do and the magic we have whilst doing it… it's love, not just a physical act. I'm… I'm glad you told me."

Severus nodded. "put the next one on."

Serena did so with another wave of her hand but this time she watched Severus' face, instead of closing her eyes.

_And so she woke up,_

_Woke up from where she was, lying still,_

_Said I, gotta do something about where we going…_

_Sweet the sin,_

_Bitter the taste in my mouth,_

_I see Seven towers, but I only see_

_One way out._

_You gotta cry without weeping,_

_Talk without speaking,_

_Scream without raising your voice,_

_You know I took the poison, from the poison stream,_

_Then I floated, out of here…_

Serena silenced the music and looked up again at Severus' face, frowning slightly in thought.

"I would say… suicide perhaps, because of love?"

"why because of love?" she asked curiously.

"perhaps the person she loves does not love her back, perhaps he has gone, he is not treating her right- yes that one. He's treating her badly, so she kills herself."

"that would work, I guess… especially with the poison."

"what's significant about poison?"

"well if you were killing yourself because of love, there are certain ways you would consider, for example, you would not shoot yourself. What's romantic about a gun? You could not drown yourself, throw yourself from a broom or building, run in front of cars… you would poison yourself, or stab yourself with a dagger… like Romeo and Juliet."

"like who?"

"Romeo and- don't you know any muggle literary plays?"

"why would I want to?"

She sighed, "Romeo and Juliet were in love, at first sight, fairytale and all that, but their families had a hateful vengeance and vowed they should never be together. Romeo thinks Juliet has died and so he kills himself with poison, but then she wakes up, sees him dead and then stabs herself. It's one of the most famous muggle love stories."

"hmm" was all Severus said before a long pause. "do you trust me?"

"yes, with my life" was her simple reply.

"and do you trust in my love for you?"

"yes" she smiled slightly, "although I shall always wonder why it is there."

"don't wonder" he said sharply, turning her face close to his and speaking in a low threatening voice. "don't wonder why I love you, I love you and you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I don't want you to doubt reasons or question why, I want you to accept it, if you want it. If you don't I can't keep you prisoner, I can try, and I would try, but I can't force you to love me."

"I love you, and I will always love you" she said in the same forceful voice. "I will always want you to love me, and if you don't it won't stop me loving you. I am already your prisoner, and I want to be forever."

Serena kissed him deeply, her hands on his face and feeling his arms around her. She felt his love, so strong and overwhelming, and Severus' tongue swirled with her, dancing inside their hot mouths. Severus pulled back whilst he still had some control over his desires, Serena's hot heavy breath tingled on his wet lips. He grasped her face between his hands firmly, yet gently. "you can't do that to me now, or here, I'm expecting an owl and I won't hear it if I'm… lusted up with passion for you…"

Serena smiled at the power she had over him and she gave his lips one last kiss.

"who is your owl from?"

"Lucius Malfoy" he said, clear distaste in his words. "another plan to rid to muggle borns from Hogwarts, but either way, no matter how ridiculous it is I must reply immediately, and I can't do that with you… distracting me."

She smiled, "sorry."

"you better be" he said, false danger hinting in his voice again.

Serena laughed. "okay, what were we talking about?"

"the song."

"the song" she said smiling. "you said love and suicide, well you're right, sort of, but it's mostly about drugs."

"drugs?" Severus said frowning, he would not have got that.

"listen."

_She runs through the streets,_

_With eyes painted red,_

_Under a black belly of a cloud in the rain,_

_In through a door way, she brings me_

_White golden pearls,_

_Stolen from the sea,_

_She is raging! She is raging! _

_And a storm blows up in her eyes,_

_She will… suffer the needle chill… she's running to stand… still._

The song finished and Serena grimaced. "often taking drugs is a silent cry for help, but such a private thing, like 'crying without weeping', 'talking without speaking' and 'screaming without raising your voice'. It's… it's pitiful and destructive and… desperate."

"have you ever taken drugs?" he asked suddenly, noticing how much she knew about it.

"once" she sighed. "once and never again."

"how could you be so stupid!" Severus cried, sitting up straighter so he could look at her properly. "I have seen muggles and the effects drugs have on them! People die!"

"I know, I know" she said quietly. "I don't need the third degree from you as well."

"why and when and how?" were his three important questions he would have answered.

"I was about fourteen, I had fallen in with a bad muggle crowd. It had been a… a bad week, I'd been sleeping out with one of them, my boyfriend at the time, Marcos. The drugs were just there and I tried it… I regret it, I ended up critical in hospital, it was a stupid risk, pointless and reckless."

"what made you do it?" Severus said, angry at her, despite her actions being in the past.

"My parents had kicked me out of the house for rebelling against my father and arguing with him. Well, actually I called him a 'fucking heartless shit of a dad', and he got mad. I don't know, doing something illegal and dangerous was just what I wanted. I'd never do it again, I want you to remember that" she added. "never, I could have died… Kingsley would never have forgiven himself if I'd died, and I wasn't selfish enough to leave him, although sometimes I think he was better off without me. Sometimes I think that about you too," she said softly.

"whatever you do, I have done worse."

"but you did it for others- for the Dark Lord, or for Albus… I was selfish."

"I think you had a right to be slightly selfish… having had a life you had."

Serena shook her head, "don't pity me."

"I admire you" Severus said truthfully. "you're so strong, regardless of it all."

Serena almost laughed. "you have never seen me bad. I mean, really bad, breakdown bad. That is not strong."

Severus kissed her cheek, "I don't want me to have the opportunity of seeing you like that. I'm not going to let anything harm or hurt or scare you ever again, you hear me?"

"I hear you" she said softly. "I hope circumstances help you keep that promise."

Severus kissed her lightly, but at that moment there was a screeching noise from the kitchen.

"Lucius owl" Severus sighed. Serena moved from him and he stood up, walking into the kitchen. She sat down again on the great chair, pulling her feet up comfortably and smelling his smoky yet clean smell.

He came back in a few moments later, holding a piece of parchment in his hand.

"do you mind if I go out, I am sorry but it is rather urgent."

"that's fine."

"I shan't be more than half an hour I should think."

"take your time, can I have a look around?" she smiled mischievously.

"yes, I suppose, but do stay out of the basement."

"I shall."

She jumped up, almost skipping over to him before kissing him delightfully. "be careful."

Severus stepped back from her, turned and apparated, leaving Serena alone in his house. She looked around curiously, it felt strange being here without him. She looked at all the spines of the many books; lots were about the dark arts and potion making and history. Serena went upstairs, making her way to the room she really wanted to see; his bedroom. She tried the door, it was locked. She scowled, Severus would have known before he went out that she would be most curious about what was in there. She tried to unlock it with her wand, with a piece of wire she conjured and she even tried looking under the door with a mirror, only resulting in her seeing four chair legs and hurting her neck. She rubbed it, standing up again. "damn."

She went through the bathroom, but there was not much interesting in there. "so that's why you were so complacent Severus" she murmured. She gave up and went back downstairs, getting a glass of wine from the kitchen and taking a book on dark magic from the shelf. She sat in Severus' chair, where she felt most comfortable and relaxed. She had read the first chapter on the first dark magicians and the discovery of black magic, and was just starting the second chapter when the door opened. Severus paused in the doorway of the living room, taken by surprise at the dream-like image of Serena sitting in his chair, awaiting his arrival. She smiled at him, shutting the book. "Severus?"

He cleared his throat, "I need to ask you something, properly, this time."

She was confused at his sudden, almost embarrassed mood. "okay?"

He took off his coat and walked over to her, kneeling on the floor in front of her on one knee, pulling out his wand from his pocket and turning his wand through the air in one fluid sweep of his wrist, in a small circle of light. It glowed in the air, hovering in front of an awe struck Serena, before turning solid silver. He took it from the air, looking into her shocked yet passionate, gleaming, joyful eyes. "Serena Venus Lake," he said quietly, unable to remove his gaze from her face. "would you consent to becoming my wife?"

Serena's face broke out into a smile and she bit her bottom lip as she smiled, as though she could hardly believe it was real.

"yes" she said beaming at him. "yes, oh Severus!" Severus took her hand and slipped the ring onto her left hand, a relieved and happy smile spreading across his own face. She threw her arms around his neck and he picked her up, swinging her around and chuckling in his deep voice. "I love you Serena" he smiled. "I love you."

"I know'" she said, her voice muffled from his robe. "I know and I love you too." She leant back and Severus kissed her. "it's so beautiful Severus" she said, looking in admiration at the silver band on her finger.

"I just bought it" he said quietly. "I wanted to make it official, rather than just words."

"my words for you are never just words" she smiled, kissing his neck. "and since you very sneakily locked your bedroom door, you can show me that part of the house now, if you don't mind?"

"not one bit" he smiled, already carrying her up the stairs.


	52. Chapter 51

Serena awoke in Severus' bedroom that Sunday morning, a smile gracing her face. She opened her eyes and rolled over, sitting up in confusion when the space next to her was empty.

"Severus?" she called, sitting up. She got up and put Severus' shirt from the previous day on, inhaling his smell deeply. She did most of the buttons up and stuck the collar up before walking into the bathroom. She splashed her face with cold water and improved her hair with a wave from her wand. She looked at the ring on her finger in the mirror and smiled happily to herself.

She went onto the landing and listened; Severus appeared to be talking to someone downstairs. His voice was raised and he appeared to be having a heated discussion, but Serena could not hear the other voice. She drew her wand and tiptoed down the stairs, peering through the gap in the door. Severus was dressed in black robes, pacing angrily, a phone pressed to his ear. "you know I have no say in the matter Narcissa, if I had the option I would." Severus spoke in a quiet, rapid threatening voice and Serena could see he was unhappy with the person he was conversing with. She relaxed her wand hand and went silently into the living room. She paused in the doorway and gave a small smile to Severus. He stopped pacing, but did not smile back, however he did not move contact from her eyes.

It was such a juxtaposition for him- to bring together his death eater side, and something as pure as Serena. "I am not stupid enough to attempt it!" he snapped down the phone. "this is Lucius' problem Cissy, he should have thought about that before going into the ministry."

Serena went over to him, running her hand lightly across his chest and then up his back to his shoulders. He was extremely tense and she massaged his muscles with her hands softly, before caressing his neck and then his face with the back of her hand. "fine" Severus said, his voice quieter. "of course, ten minutes." He put the phone down and sighed, frustrated. "you shouldn't be here when I'm talking… business," he said quietly, putting a light hand on her waist.

"you're not comfortable having me and you being a death eater in the same conversation are you?"

"of course I'm not!" he said sharply. "look, Narcissa will be here in ten minutes, we need to eliminate all evidence that you have been here, and then you need to go too."

Serena nodded, removing her hands from his chest.

"I'll get upstairs, you do down here" she said quietly. She had turned away from him and was at the bottom step when he stopped her.

"Serena."

He walked over and cupped her face in his hands. He realised that he must seem angry and regretful to her, but he did not regret anything, not alluding to her anyway. "I am sorry our weekend has been cut short," he said quietly. "I promise I shall make it up to you."

She smiled slightly as she felt the love in his hands. "you better had" she joked softly. He kissed her on the lips, in a soft, tender, loving gesture. "come on you" she murmured when he pulled away, "now we have only nine minutes." Severus smiled slightly and released her, watching her go up the stairs quickly. Serena vanished everything she had used last night, remaking the bed and cleaning the bathroom with a wave of her wand. When she was confident she had got everything she did a fresh air charm, dissolving her smell from the rooms before shutting the bedroom door and hurrying back down. Severus was waiting for her, a small pile of things on the table next to him. The corners of his mouth twitched into his unfamiliar smile, "you forgot your clothes."

"oh shit!" Serena gasped, realising she was wearing Severus' shirt. "where are they?"

He passed them to her, expecting her to go and change, but she took off his shirt there and then in front of him, before putting her own clothes on. Severus watched her, his eyes trailing over her matching black underwear, feeling that he had the right to watch her now-she was his fiancée after all. Serena noticed his gaze on her, but she did not say anything- she was glad he was not embarrassed by her bold move.

"I'll put the shirt in your washing machine" she said walking into the kitchen. "you'll have to wash it- it smells of me, sorry."

Severus said nothing, wondering why on earth she would need to apologise for that. "I've sent the rest of your belongings and your music through to my office via floo, you can pick them up tonight if you wish."

"thank you. And listen Severus," she said in a slightly quieter firmer voice, nudging his fingers with her own. "you be careful."

Severus kissed her in reply, shutting his eyes and dropping his guard for just one second. She felt his worry about her and his disbelief that the weekend could have actually happened.

"I can't believe it either" she whispered, opening her eyes to gaze into his melted black depths. She forced herself to let go of his hand, before she turned and apparated to Diagon alley. She sat down and had a drink when she arrived- she needed to clear her mind after spending such a long time in the presence of someone she loved so much. She took the ring from her finger and threaded it onto the silver chain around her neck, hiding it underneath her shirt, but letting it keep contact with her skin always. She felt so happy it was almost difficult to hide, how she loved him!

After slowly returning back to reality she apparated to Hogwarts for tea with Albus.

"how are you, my dear?" he asked smiling at her as she entered his room that late afternoon.

"very well Albus, I thank you."

"and Severus?" he winked.

She laughed, "he's alright- Narcissa has been to see him this morning, so I left just before."

"did he say what Narcissa wanted?"

"no, I did not ask."

"anyhow, yourself and Severus…"

Serena couldn't stop the smile on her face. "Albus I… I love him."

Albus beamed at her. "I confess I have known of Severus' feelings even before he knew them himself, I believe."

Serena blushed, "I… I couldn't quite believe it, when I found out."

"do you mind if I ask how you found out?"

"Severus and I have not been on speaking terms for months, which you know of course. And… I hadn't spent time with him at all, but I went to collect a potion from him on Friday and accidentally touched his hand… I felt his emotions, so strong, so unbelievably real…"

Albus nodded in satisfaction, "that is what I had guessed. When you wrote to Severus last summer and informed him you were regaining your emotional sensors he panicked, and saw the only way to avoid the truth was by not touching you at all- and the only way he could ensure that plan was carried through was by ignoring you, and making sure you didn't want to go by him either."

"I… I have missed him, terribly. He was the one person I could tell anything to, and that hasn't changed now we are together again."

"it will do Severus the world of good too."

"he's still… he thinks I will hate him, or disapprove or being ashamed of him because he's a death eater. He seems really uncomfortable when I'm around and he has to talk about it, or to them."

"he will get used to it, I imagine. Time."

"it's always time" she laughed.

Albus chuckled too just as there was a knock on the door. It was Severus, he looked annoyed but that changed when he saw Serena, and she saw his face slide into his usual unemotional mask, except for his eyes, that burned with love.

"alright?" she asked him as casually as she could as he strolled into the room.

"of course," he replied quietly.

"right, I'd better be going" Serena said, standing up, but Severus and Albus stopped her. "stay for a bit" Severus said quietly, whilst Albus cried, "not at all! Not at all! I have some things to discuss with both of you, actually."

Severus conjured a chair and sat down, drawing it up to the desk and close to Serena. She looked across into his unreadable face, trying to tell if he was okay or if he was still annoyed from his talking with Narcissa. He noticed her gaze but he did not turn to her.

"have you told him?" Severus asked her quietly, without looking at her.

"no, I wanted to wait until you were here" she smiled, pulling the chain from around her neck.

"Serena has agreed to become my wife" Severus said quietly a small smile readable on his lips as Serena lifted her ring to show Albus.

Albus clapped his hands in enthusiasm, "how extraordinarily marvellous!" he cried, standing up and shaking Severus' hand. He stepped around the table and kissed Serena's cheek. "oh congratulations, both of you!"

Serena laughed and Severus took her hand in his under the desk.

"we're going to keep it to ourselves though Albus, we don't want to risk death eaters knowing just yet."

"of course, of course, I shan't tell a soul, oh how wonderful!"

Serena laughed at his joy and at her own.

"you said there was something you wished to tell us Albus?" Severus said, stroking Serena's hand with his thumb.

"there is indeed, and I do hate to spoil your great news but… needs must. Right, well, I need you to keep your eyes out, I believe we have a leak, inside Hogwarts."

"a leak? For whom?" Serena said, running through all the people in Hogwarts she didn't like inside her head.

"the Dark Lord. The signs are becoming more prominent- the disappearances, the fourth champion… Harry is worried, I can tell…."

"Surely Potter's arrogance makes him immune from worry" Severus drawled, raising his eyebrows and looking as though something disgusting had just walked in.

"Severus, please" Serena muttered, looking up at his disgusted face. "that's not helping."

Severus managed to remain silent whilst Serena went back to the original issue. "But who on earth could…" Serena trailed off, one face swimming to the front of her mind.

"you're thinking of someone" Severus said, finally looking at her.

"Moody." She said scowling at his name. "Moody, I bet it's Moody."

"Serena, I'm afraid you are wrong, Alastor Moody was an auror for years, a famous one at that, his job was to catch dark wizards, not to help them." Albus explained.

"I don't trust him," she said quietly.

"you shouldn't trust anyone you don't know" Severus interjected.

"just because you don't trust anyone" she said, her eye brows raised in contradiction.

Severus did not say anything- how could he trust anyone with a job like his?

"Alastor Moody is not our enemy" Albus said with finality in his voice.

Serena succumbed. "fine, what about one of the students?"

Severus and Albus caught eye contact for a split second, and Serena noticed. "what?" she said, but again there was a knock on the door. She sighed, and as Albus said 'come in' Severus let go of her hand and she tucked her ring back under her shirt. Severus turned around, shifting his chair away from her subtly in the process. It was Moody and Serena stood up immediately, "thank you Albus, for the tea, see you both around." She nodded politely to Moody as she left, feeling his magical eye on her back.

"My love, tell me what's bothering you?" Serena murmured, sinking down into her sofa that evening.

Severus stiffened and looked away from her before finally putting his drink down and perching awkwardly next to her.

Serena pulled him back and made him lie down, his head in her lap. Severus was silent for a while, revelling in the feeling of her sifting her fingers through his hair and tracing the lines of his face.

Finally he gathered his courage, swallowed and began. "when you pulled me down to the sofa just now, do you know what my first thought was?" he said, his voice hoarse. When she did not reply he continued. "My instincts told me I should not let you. From this angle you could slit my throat in a heartbeat and I calculated it would take me three times as long to reach my wand and hex you than it would for you to hex me." there was a long pause and he sat up suddenly, turning to face her concerned face.

"If this- us- whatever you want to call it is going to work, then we have to have rules laid out." His voice grew firm and his gaze hardened as he looked at her through pained eyes.

"What rules do you propose?" she asked softly.

"Firstly you have to understand that this is a private relationship. I will show no more affection or favouritism or _niceness_ or speciality towards you than I do for anyone else. We are colleagues; we generally accept each other and put up with it because Albus will get pissed if we fight. okay?"

"Agreed, but you also have to understand that I will act towards you as I act toward every other member of staff here; with civility and politeness and friendliness. However if I have your students in detention- tough shit, if I order you out of my classroom- you get out, and if I have lessons early in the morning you'll just have to make do with a quick shag instead of a long lust filled evening."

Severus' mouth opened and then snapped closed again as his usually controlled mind went into shock from her words. He cleared his throat and managed a curt nod, ignoring her twinkling eyes and the teeth that were nibbling her bottom lip so adorably.

"I am not usually a caring man Serena, you have to understand that. My instints look for danger and threats constantly. My feelings for you are abnormal and unconventional and will be dealt with in private."

"you make it sound so clinical" she said quietly, looking down.

"you misunderstand me" Severus said, his finger lifting her head up to meet his piercing eyes. "It only sounds clinical because for me this is… unexplored territory, I am _out of my depth_ as muggles say, yet it does not make my feelings any less strong: with every beat of my heart I hear your name pounding through my ears as though your body is mine."

"my body is yours" she corrected, taking his hand in hers and brushing her lips across his fingers lightly.

"the rules" Severus continued when she linked her fingers through his. "there is a war coming, we all know it. It will be dangerous for people to know about our relationship. I don't want anyone knowing for as long as we can help it. If you get hurt because of me..." Severus trailed off, thinking about how he had already killed the only other girl he had ever loved.

"I understand" she said simply.

"I will do my best not to drag you into the affairs of the Malfoys and the likes, and if I am meeting with them or I am talking with them I do not want you around. I will not taint this relationship with evil.

"Next rule," he continued. "I don't want you drinking excessive amounts of alcohol. It is unhealthy and your liver has already suffered enough. If there is a problem bad enough to drive you to such an act you come and talk to me or Albus and we will help you deal with it another way. I am _always_ going to be here for you Serena you have to understand that now. I am here to protect you, to care for you, to love you, to listen to all your problems and to make your fears disappear. You are mine now."

She silenced him with her lips, conveying what he had just said in actions rather than words that seemed to unworthy and common to express how she truly felt.

"I have rules too you know" she said finally breaking away from him. "I want you to communicate with me. If I ask you how you are it means I really truly want to know- no lying or covering it up because you feel you have to be the 'big strong man'. I don't want my... powers… to seem like I'm stealing your feelings away from you, rather than sharing them. I hate touching people and feeling their emotions anyway, with you it makes it feels worse."

He nodded, hoping that he could keep that promise.

"Last rule- keep your hair short, it looks extraordinarily attractive" she smiled, closing the distance between their lips once again.


	53. Chapter 52

**A/N: hey! I'm behind on replying to reviews [i'm sorry!] i will reply though very soon! THANKYOU SO MUCH FOR ALL YOUR REVIEWS AND SUPPORT they make me so damn happy :D **

**short chapter today, however i would like to point out a few things. The Second Triwizard Task is supposed to take place on the 24th Feb, however in WML it takes place in early May. Also, a certain 'Hermione-teeth-incident' is supposed to take place on the 8th Nov, but i'm moving that too :D **

**Anyways, hope you enjoy this chap- reviews are beautiful treasures ;] **

The second Triwizard Task was a success in the fact that all four contestants were still alive. Serena had tried to lessen Harry and Cedric's work load and she had spotted other teachers slipping them chocolates and words of encouragement- apart from Severus of course.

A week later Serena was sitting on a desk in the dungeons whilst Severus brewed some healing potions for the hospital wing. "have you heard anything from the other death eaters?" she asked casually. "rumours or whispers?"

"concerning what?" he said without looking up from his seven counter clockwise rotations.

"the Dark Lord's return? A new leader? The Triwizard Tournament? Harry Potter?"

"you sound like Albus" he muttered, scowling to himself.

"Albus bleeds the information from you until you're dry. I was wondering if you wanted to talk openly about it," she replied unnerved by his retort.

"and now you sound like Poppy telling me it's mentally unhealthy to have so many secrets and oh Albus should hire me a psychiatrist and-"

"Severus" she interrupted calmly, watching his face flicker with pain for a moment. "please cast the stasis charm and come over here."

Severus thought long and hard about her patient request. He was being snappy and rude, he knew it, but he was always those things and the sooner she got used to it the better. Yet the way she asked him to do things in her quiet voice that seemed to control him in all her innocence. How did she do that? He cast the charm silently but did not move until he felt her warm hands find his own. She pressed her cheek against his back and leant on him for a moment until he had wiped the stupid loving expression off his face and turned to her with his practised calmness.

Their lips brushed in a gentle kiss, as though she was letting him know she was always there and he was trying to convey the soft feelings he would never speak of out loud.

"Karkaroff has been practically stalking me" he said finally, gazing out over the top of her head. "He's a coward, he's noticed the Dark Mark changing too and he's terrified of what it means. He sold out Death Eaters at the last fall to avoid his own life sentence in Azkaban. He plans to flee when the Dark Lord returns."

"and you?" she asked staring at his worn face in wonder.

"I am no such coward" Severus said loudly and a smile broke out on Serena's face.

"can I see?" she asked, her fingers trailing down his arm and hinting at the mark underneath the shirt he was wearing.

"you have an unhealthy obsession" Severus warned. "I don't want it taunting you as it does me."

"I think I just like a man with tattoos" she smiled, lifting the tension from the air as she so often did.

"mm" Severus murmured, ducking down and tracing the shell of her ear with his tongue.

At that moment there was a brief knock on the door and it swung open with a bang. Serena and Severus jumped apart, her turning her back on him and Severus smoothing down his robes quickly, a glare plastered on his face to greet the intruder.

"Malfoy what have I told you about knocking!" he snapped, thankful that Draco had been looking over his shoulder as he entered the room and had not seen the hasty separation.

"Severus I need to talk to you" Draco muttered, ignoring the comment and shutting the door behind him. He froze when he saw Serena who had grabbed a batch of assignments in an attempt to look productive. "oh" he sneered, "I was unaware you had company" he glared at Serena who scowled back.

"no worry, Mr Malfoy, Professor Lake was just leaving."

Serena turned her glare on him, slammed the assignments down and marched towards the door. "Albus will be hearing about this Snape" she muttered before slamming the door behind her and making sure there was no one about to see her smile.

"what was that all about?" Draco muttered, sitting in a seat Severus had gestured to.

"She wants me to talk to under performers in her lessons" he drawled, "irritable woman."

Severus raised his eyebrows at Draco's sneer and turned to the matter at hand.

"why are you here Draco?"

"I was home for the weekend and I overheard my parents' conversations… My mother came to see you, I presume?"

Severus nodded once and let the young boy continue.

"and? Can you help my Father?"

"Draco, Lucius' problems are not my concern."

"that's ridiculous! You know the Dark Lord will kill him! Father announced to everyone he had been imperiused! He got a job in the ministry to help clear up the last war! When the Dark Lord finds out- he'll die- I'll be left without a Father!" Tears welled in Draco's eyes but they did not soften Severus' heart.

"Draco pull yourself together! Your parents are friends of mine. I was sorry I was unable to help either of them and they understand that. You coming here and blubbering about it is not going to change my mind. If you are lucky the Dark Lord will be merciful, Lucius is not the only one to commit such a treachery and the Dark Lord will need all the followers he can get- he's unlikely to start killing them off as soon as he gains his power. Now go back to your common room and the next time you come here, knock on the door and bloody wait outside."

The next morning Severus expected to see Serena at breakfast, however she did not make an appearance. He ate in solitude, reading the paper and made a mental note to ask the others about the young girl Bertha Jorkins who had disappeared some time ago.

He strolled to her office afterwards on the pretence of asking about Draco but there was no answer on her office door. He glanced around and tuned his ears for any students whilst he disabled the wards to her office and walked through to the door leading to her private quarters. A quick _homenum revelio _discovered she was inside.

Part of his mind told him she had overslept- or had her music on too loud to hear, but the dark spy side of him warned she could be in danger or hurt. In a split second he made his decision and set about undoing the more complex wards with patterns and waves of his wand. The lock clicked and he strode forward into her living room, the door swinging shut behind him.

His eyes first sought out the empty alcohol bottles on the kitchen worktop and a broken wine glass on the living room floor. He burst through her quarters, his wand gripped tightly in his hand until he found her- slumped over the toilet seat, a cold sweat on her forehead and her whole body shaking. He rushed down to her side and grabbed her shoulders, shaking her roughly.

"What the hell are you doing!" he shouted, making her jump. "no more alcohol we agreed! You promised me Serena, you promised!" he was so angry and worried that his temper exploded and he punched the wall behind her, causing her to flinch and her eyes to meet his own.

"I- I didn't drink-" Serena stuttered through a trembling bottom lip. "I p-poured it d-down the s-sink- I didn't want t-to be like h-him."

At the look of disbelief and confusion on Severus' face she lifted her shaking clammy hand and pressed the contents of it into Severus' own hand. He unfolded and read the letter silently to himself.

_Miss Serena Venus Lake. _

_It is our pleasure to inform you that due to recent behaviour and prison circumstances, your Father has been granted early release from Azkaban Prison. _

_He will be free on the fifteenth of May and we request your presence to sign the release form and escort him to his place of residence. _

_We await your owl,_

_Best Wishes, _

_Kevin Chambers, _

_Senior Azkaban Officer. _


	54. Chapter 53

Severus hushed the weeping girl and pulled her into his arms, rocking her back and forth in a slow comforting way.

"You're in shock" he murmured in her ear. "it's okay, you don't have to go, you don't have to see him…"

"he's- going- to- kill- me" she hiccupped, clinging to Severus' robe and crying into his shoulder.

"I won't let that happen" he growled fiercely, "no one is going to hurt you, hear me? no one!"

Serena only cried even more and Severus knew she was past reason. He took one of her sweaty clammy hands that was gripping onto his shoulder tightly and gently unfolded her fingers, kissing the palm of her hand softly with wet open mouthed kisses. Serena's sobs slowed and she let him do the same to the other hand, each kiss ridding her fear a little more.

Severus stood and pulled her up with him, cradling her to his chest as he pulled her down onto the bed and let her cuddle into his side. "sleep, my dove" he murmured, stroking her hair and leaning back against the pillow, watching her red eyes fall closed at his command.

Severus read the letter over again. It seemed he had two options; he could frame the vile man for another crime and have him sent back to Azkaban- or Kissed; or he could kill him himself. The latter sounded more enjoyable at the moment.

What would Serena's reaction be? Would she hate him for killing her Father or thank him for destroying a monster? It was a thin line to cross.

He would have to talk to her about it- show the honesty and emotion he had promised he would try to unveil to her.

Just twenty minutes later she began to toss and turn, muttering illegible things with her face wincing in pain. "Serena, wake up my love" he coaxed, shaking her shoulder slightly until she came to with a startled jump.

"I thought…" she trailed off and her eyes darted around the room quickly.

"he's not here my love" Severus soothed, stroking back her hair.

"I'm sorry" she muttered, dragging her hair back from her eyes.

"what in Merlin's name for?"

"for being so unnecessarily emotional and weepy" she spat, looking disgusted with herself. "he just gets to me- like he's over my shoulder every time…"

"wipe those barbaric thoughts from your obtuse mind this minute" he threatened. "although I may have controlled myself in the art of concealment it does not mean I look down at you for being an emotionally open woman. Your frankness has always been attractive and although I understand why you try to hide your weaknesses I do not understand why you continue to try to hide them from me. Now rid that guilt from your confounded head before I cart you off to the Janus Thickey ward."

Serena chuckled softly. "was that a joke, Severus?"

The corner of his mouth twitched. "I _never_ joke," he smirked, "now sort yourself out, we're going to see Albus and classes start in forty minutes."

She changed into deep purple robes whilst Severus tidied away the kitchen. An _accio_ charm revealed she had poured the liquid down the magical sink- he hated himself for checking and not just trusting her.

"enter" Albus called as Serena knocked the door, holding it open for Severus who had followed her just a little way behind.

"Ah, Serena! Severus! good to see you together, yet to what reason do I owe the pleasure of this visit?"

Severus thrust the letter at Albus and paced around as Serena lowered herself shakily into a chair. "it's absolutely unacceptable for them to spring such news on her" he snapped, his boots making heavy thunking noises on the stone floor. "do they not consider that the family is the one crimes were committed against?"

"yet they were not jailed for crimes against Serena, Severus, they were jailed for the murder of so called 'blood traitors', there was no way of them knowing about their relationship with Serena-"

"don't give me that shit Albus!" Severus threatened, "they could have looked at the notes from the interview, or from her visit. Kingsley had reported them to the Department of Social Services more than once when she was a child!"

"Sev" Serena interrupted softly. "please come and sit down, it's not Albus' fault."

There was a silence that Albus found very interesting. Would Severus obey Serena's quiet demand or would he retaliate as he would with any other Professor. His eyes flickered from Serena's innocent face to Severus' unreadable stance until finally Severus gave a curt nod and conjured a chair with a sharp flick of his wand.

"Serena" Albus said quietly, turning to her, "I can appeal for you if you wish, but realistically you are going to have to be there to sign the release papers. It won't take more than thirty seconds."

"My Father can do a lot in thirty seconds" she muttered, staring at her shoes.

"I'll be with you" Severus murmured. "I won't let him anywhere near you."

Serena took a deep breath. "I sign the forms and that's it."

Albus nodded.

"okay, I can deal with that, it's just… God how can they let him out into the wizarding world when he hates anything without pure blood and he has a vendetta against me? He blames me for his wife's death..."

"your mother's death was not your fault" Albus said firmly. "clear this from your mind Serena, we have time to appeal and there is no use worrying about it now."

"I know, you're right Albus… God I'm sorry for being such a coward about this-"

Severus turned to her so quickly she jumped and her eyes widened at his fierce growl. "don't. even. think. about. blaming. yourself."

Her eyes softened and a small smiled appeared on her lips as she nodded slightly to the man who loved her so much.

"It's lesson time" Severus muttered in a rough voice, standing up and walking toward the door. Serena followed him out but he stopped them on the narrow stairway- a small nook of privacy where he pressed her up against the stone, their faces inches apart.

"I don't want you to be scared of him Serena" he said in barely a whisper. "I will protect you from all the evil under the sun, nothing will hurt you while I am here, you understand that?"

"I understand" she whispered, making Severus have to concentrate to ignore the warm air tickling his neck.

"good" he muttered, finally closing the distance between their lips in a swift promise.

It was as though they were a couple of love struck students, Serena thought afterwards as she walked into her classroom. However these stolen moments in between classes or early in the mornings were nothing compared to the nights they spent together. Sometimes they would just spend hours talking, or sit in silence together on the sofa, her head in his lap. She even liked to watch him brew potions, marvelling at the concentration and passion on his face before dragging him off for a shower afterwards when his hair became too greasy.

They were careful- no one suspected anything and even Remus and Sirius hadn't asked questions when they'd found Severus in her office one late evening- she told them he'd been dropping off her potion.

She had done everything she could to prepare herself for the fifteenth of May. All her paperwork was in order and Severus had been constantly reassuring her he would be there. He just didn't understand that that was what she was scared of- if he tried to defend her, her Father would kill him… She had no doubt that Severus could beat him, but her Father was brutal and he wouldn't give up…

* * *

**A/N: short chapter i know, i'll make it up to you i promise!**


	55. Chapter 54

"don't rise to his taunts okay?" she murmured as they walked from the Hogs Head. "I know what he's like, but I'm afraid that if you retaliate to his wickedness then he'll have an excuse to start a duel."

"Serena it is supposed to be me reassuring you not the other way around," Severus muttered quietly, glancing down at her worried face. She was dressed in plain black robes today, as was he and their dress sense rather matched their moods. Serena had been a nervous wreck for the past twenty four hours and had agreed to Severus' idea of a stiff drink before they apparated north.

Albus had worked his magic with the Azkaban officials and Serena only needed to sign the paperwork and apparate with her Father to the UK Azkaban Apparition Point- a small isolated beach off the top coast of Scotland. From then on, they never had to see each other again, and hopefully, never would.

"is it time? should we apparate?" she muttered, glancing around Hogsmeade.

"indeed" he muttered, turning on the spot and vanishing before her. She took a deep, calming breath before closing her eyes, gritting her teeth and apparating away. She didn't have to open her eyes to know she was there. The roaring of the sea was so loud around her and despite them being over twenty floors up she swore she could feel the spray from the waves on her face. "come on" Severus muttered, turning into the building and waiting for her to march in afterwards.

"Miss Lake," a rather burly, tattooed security guard walked over to her, his hand outstretched. She shook it briefly, aware that the man's eyes were flickering between her and Severus.

"Albus Dumbledore wanted her to be escorted today, considering the nature of the crimes her Father has committed," Snape said with a glare.

"of course, well you must be delighted, Miss Lake?"

"delighted?" Snape barked before Serena could open her mouth. "do you idiots know _anything?_" he hissed. "she hates her Father, always has done, he treated her like dirt. He beat her, abused her and neglected her and then murdered people right in front of her innocent eyes and you think she's _delighted?_ You should be ashamed of yourselves!"

"That will be all, Billy," an older man walked over to them and the security guard scuttled off. Serena glanced up into Severus' seething face and she felt warmth spread through her for the way he'd stuck up for her.

"Severus Snape" the old man said in a quiet voice, nodding towards Severus' stony expression. "long time no see."

"I had hoped I would never see you again in my life, Silus," Severus replied, holding out his hand and shaking with the man firmly. "how are you keeping?"

"still here my boy, still here. And yourself?"

"better, I think."

"good" the man murmured, turning his eyes to a bewildered Serena. "and you must be Miss Lake?"

She nodded.

"ah yes, well your Father is regrettably being released, I have no say in this matter, believe me."

"do you think he's dangerous?" Serena said in a voice a lot stronger than what she felt.

"your Father grows tired of Azkaban. The death of his wife stunned him into a silent shock which he then used to his advantage to convince his probation officer he had changed… Perhaps he has changed, but I'd bet my wand he'll return to Azkaban before his life is over…"

"this is ridiculous" she whispered. "How do I know he won't come to Hogwarts and get me? Or if I'm out one weekend, or-"

"Serena, stop fretting, it does no good" Severus muttered sharply, aware that he had to act as nothing more than a colleague. "are you ready?"

She took a deep breath and nodded, following the old man down a narrow stone corridor. They reached a large office that held a bare table and two chairs propped against the wall. Severus and Serena were both scanned by the man for concealed weapons after handing their wands in to a guard. She shivered as she felt an unfamiliar wave of magic pass up her body. "clear" the guard muttered, gesturing for them to enter the office. They stood on one side of the table and waited.

"who was that man?" Serena muttered quietly, shifting her weight from one foot to the other and linking her sweaty hands nervously.

"he is an acquaintance from a long time ago" Severus muttered. "and I'd rather not talk about him right now."

She nodded and then jumped violently as the door opened. She took quick steps backwards until she reached the wall behind her and she stood, pressed up against it, white with shock and fear as her Father walked in, accompanied by another burly prison guard.

Severus' eyes narrowed as he took in the coward who had walked through the door with a crooked grin on his face. He looked older than his forty five years, he thought. His eyes were bloodshot and hollowed and the unshaven beard and matted hair amplified the disgusting stench that radiated from him, making Severus' nose wrinkle in disgust. As he leered at Serena, Severus noted three of his teeth were missing and the others looking soon to follow.

"well, well" he jeered in a croaky, sing song voice. "if it isn't my beloved, all grown up."

Serena said nothing and Severus encouraged her with silent, unspoken words and meaningful glances. She slowly unpeeled herself from the wall and made her way to the table. "where do I sign?" she asked the guard in a hoarse voice.

She signed quickly and stepped back away as he signed underneath, occasionally glancing up at her and grinning tauntingly.

"If we leave this room I can hand you all back yours wands, congratulations Mr Lake, you are a free man."

Severus glared at the guard as he pushed Serena out of the room in front of him protectively, forming a barrier between her and her Father. He was even more wary when Simon was given back his wand. He had that creepy smile on his face again as he tested the weight in his hand and mimed spells.

A guard came to side apparate him to the UK Apparition point and Serena and Severus were obliged to follow. "don't worry my love" Severus murmured, stepping closer to her to whisper in her ear. "he's not going to hurt you- we apparate there, the guard leaves, then we leave, okay?"

She nodded, gripping her wand tightly and turning into the darkness again.

The beach was deserted apart from two figures about fifty yards away. They walked slowly and cautiously to them, stopping a distance away. The guard bid them all good day and disapparated away.

"well, well" Simon echoed, stepping forward casually- an act that did not go unnoticed by Severus. "my daughter, my own flesh and blood, who didn't even come to see me once."

There was a silence as he took another step and Severus reacted, taking a step in front of Serena defensively.

Simon barked a small laugh. "got yourself a husband have you? Not even pure blood either. What happened to that other one? Although I suppose you always were a little slut, weren't you?"

"Serena we're leaving," Severus muttered.

"And you killed your Mother!" he shouted, spit flying towards them.

"what did you just say?" Serena said in a dangerous whisper, brushing Severus' arm out of the way.

"you heard me," he spat.

"you think _I _killed her?" she shouted, outraged. "you started killing her from the moment she set eyes on you the stupid woman! You beat her and abused her and raped her and-"

"and created you! the bloody bane of my life! God if I could just wipe you out now-"

"than do it!" she screamed, her wand drawn in front of her as Severus pushed her out of the way of a hex that was flown at her rather swiftly from a man who hadn't used his wand in seven years.

Severus' curse was quicker and more accurate and Simon was flung back into the sand violently. "Serena, take my arm, we're leaving now" Severus said in the calmest voice he could manage.

"you cowards! You know I'll just find you, Serena, you'll see me again…"

"no!" Severus shouted, making her jump. "if you want to live you will stay away from her you filthy piece of-"

"Are you threatening me?"

"why yes," Severus snarled, "I believe I am."

In a flash a killing curse was sent at his chest and Serena screamed as he jumped agilely out of the way and shot a _sectumsempra _back that just missed.

"please!" cried Serena as the men began to duel fiercely. "please dammit! leave him alone!" Tears streamed down her face as she was flooded with memories of saying the same thing about her Mother when her father would beat her. "please!"

"Serena, go, now!" Severus shouted, not glancing backwards. He focussed his energy on the man, knowing that his spy years had made him a better dueller and this time his _sectumsempra_ hit its target. Simon flew backwards and landed with a dull thunk in the sand, crimson blood beginning to seep from his chest through his Azkaban robes.

"Severus no!" Serena cried, stumbling towards him blindly. "please, please don't kill him, please."

"Serena, it's what he deserves!"

"not you, please" she begged, "not you. your soul… please…"

Severus stood stock still, his mind calculating quickly the risks. His eyes slid over to find Serena's distraught face streaming with tears and looking at him with such pleading and fear that he could not say no.

He gave a stiff nod and then swept down to the spluttering, pale man, kicking his wand away from his hand. The healing spell sounded like a comforting song to Serena as she watched him work. Finally Severus stood up. "he'll live" he muttered.

"then let's leave" she begged.

"we can't, there's too much to think about… he knows about us… he needs obliviating..." Severus knelt down once more and murmured the spell, causing the man's eyes to glaze over and slide shut.

"he won't remember me being here" Severus muttered. "his injuries will be from an Azkaban brawl… let's go…"

She nodded slowly but seemed unable to move. Severus noticed her bottom lip quivering and he walked to her quickly, wrapping his arms about her shoulders and lowering his lips to her ears. "take a deep breath" he murmured. "he can't hurt you, you are safe with me. Now breathe… close your eyes… hold onto me…"

He turned into the darkness, taking them away from her fears and his past, into the familiar, once more.


	56. Chapter 55

They landed shakily and both needed a moment to recover from the turbulence of side along apparition. Severus unpeeled his arms from around Serena and glanced around- he had apparated them to the deserted back yard of The Hog's Head to allow them a moments privacy.

"we need to get back to the castle, Albus will be waiting for you."

Keeping a distance apart they walked back into the main street in silence, engrossed in thoughts and fears, too sensitive and private to speak of aloud.

They both ascended the stairs to Albus' office yet the door opened before they had knocked and Albus emerged with Harry Potter and Alastor Moody in his wake.

"ah, Severus, Serena, do wait inside, we won't be long."

Severus scowled and Serena tried to smile politely as they passed. When they were alone in the confines of the headmaster's office she turned to him. "I should thank you," she said quietly, turning her eyes towards his dark ones.

"do not thank me" he said rather sharply. "if you had not been there I would have killed him."

"but you didn't," she frowned, looking confused at his sudden anger.

"that is not the point Serena," he snapped, pacing the room. "I would have killed him. It is who I am- what I have grown to be- a murderer. I would have taken his life without a second's thought; this is the man that you think you love? a murderer who-"

"Severus we have discussed this!" she interrupted loudly. "we have discussed your past and the mark on your arm, when are you going to finally understand! Have you never listened to Albus in all these years? It is our actions that define who we truly are, not the thoughts that penetrate our minds or the blood that runs through our bodies. You're a good man Severus Snape. You're _my_ good man" she finished quietly, her eyes pleading with him to understand what she was saying.

"why did you stop me?" he asked, turning to her, an unreadable expression on his face.

"because you're Severus Snape, the man I love with all my heart, not Severus Snape the man who murdered my Father."

"well said girl!" the portrait of a fat woman squeaked.

Severus growled and silenced the portraits with a wave of his wand."

He shook his head, "you said something else back there- something about my…" he trailed off, uncomfortable with having to speak so openly about such delicate, personal things.

"your soul" she finished sadly. "I don't want to your soul ripped any further than it already is. Your soul is a beautiful thing Severus."

Severus thought over her words in his head. After working for the Dark Lord for all those years he had felt the vicious affect those killings and rapes had on his soul. He had accepted shortly after the Dark Lord's fall, that there was little chance of their being any soul left within him. It was unrecognisable and beyond repair. Yet when Serena talked of these things she gave him hope that he might still have a chance for redemption. That, perhaps, his soul really _could _be beautiful.

"who was that man you met?" Serena asked, clearing her throat and taking a sherbet lemon from Albus' desk.

"pardon?"

"the man- in the prison- Silus?"

Severus sighed and pinched his brow, the vast quantities of information flying through his mind was causing a headache. "When the Dark Lord fell, many years ago, the Death Eaters were rounded up. Many were Kissed, many pleaded with the ministry, fooling them to believe that they were under the Imperius Curse, and the rest of us were thrown into Azkaban to rot for eternity. I spent six months there whilst my case was put together by Albus, and I was pardoned. Silus was my prison guard."

Serena chewed her bottom lip, thinking over Severus' story: there was so much she did not know about him.

"it can't have been easy for you, having to return there today."

"it is not the first time I have been back there."

She nodded and decided not to press him for too much information, already knowing that he had a dislike for talking about his past.

"you have a headache," she stated, pulling down his hands that were massaging his temples. "sit down, allow me."

He silently complied, seating himself into the hard wooden chair in front of Albus' desk. Serena stood behind him, her hands stroking their way through his hair and massaging his scalp in fluid and calming patterns. When her hands reached his temples his eyes dropped shut and his shoulders began to relax.

"you have a talent for making me drop my guard," he murmured. "how odd that it is harder to conceal my thoughts from you, than from Death Eaters and the Dark Lord himself."

Serena smiled behind him. "how is your head?"

"improving."

At that moment the door opened and Serena leapt back from the chair and Severus simultaneously shot straight up into his rigid standing position. When they saw that it was only Albus they both scowled at him, making Albus chuckle. "I should do that more often" Albus chortled, "your cheeks have turned a beautiful shade of pink my dear."

Serena's scowl turned into a reluctant smile as she pressed her hands to her face.

"goodness Severus, you have the girl giving you head massages, what next, a gillyweed bath?"

"I have a headache Albus, stop being so dramatic," he snapped, sitting back in the chair and conjuring one for Serena with a wave of his wand.

"how was your trip into the North Sea?"

"a mistake" Severus growled. "how they can let that idiot out of Azkaban is unbelievable, the standards the ministry is keeping to these days are absolutely barbaric. He tried to kill both of us the moment he stepped through those doors."

"Severus duelled him" Serena muttered, shutting her eyes and blocking out the room. "we had to obliviate him so that he wouldn't recollect Severus being there, but he'll still remember me, won't he? And how hard is it to find out where I live and work? Not very." the bitterness and edge in her voice became more prominent and Severus longed to kiss her fears away, but his bad mood and Albus' taunts had annoyed him.

"we won't let him hurt you," he managed to say in a gruff voice.

"I know, but it's not even me I'm that worried about- what about all the other non purebloods and muggleborns… one look in his direction and he'll kill them for no fucking reason." She opened her eyes then and sighed, her shoulders dropping. "I'm sorry for swearing Albus- that was rude of me."

"thank you for apologising my dear" he smiled. "Severus never does."

Serena gave a tired laugh and flashed a smile at the old man. "I'm going to go back to my office and have a sleep, the long distance apparition has done me in I think."

"very well my dear, Severus and I will finish up here."

"see you tomorrow Albus."

"leave the door unwarded," Severus muttered quietly so that only she could hear him. She gave a slight nod and left the room.

The moment the door shut Severus jumped from his seat and stalked to the window, a glare on his face. "she's right Albus, he'll find her easily- we can't watch her twenty four hours a day for the rest of her life. Maybe he can't get her whilst she's in the castle, but what if she goes to Hogsmeade or off on one of those ridiculous travelling things she adores? She'll be easy prey."

"your care is admirable Severus."

"for Merlin's sake Albus! I don't give one if my care is fucking admirable! We need a solution not your bloody charming words! And no- I won't apologise!"

Albus inclined his head to hide his twinkling eyes. "it is my hope that he will be detained for another crime soon," he replied calmly.

"and what if he's not? What if he's waiting- biding his time?"

"we will mount that broom when we come to it Severus."

"every the optimist Albus."

Albus stifled a chuckle. "go to Serena, my boy. She is the only one who has the gift of calming you."

"I don't need calming" he growled.

"of course not, however I would like some time to think in solitude." The closure in Albus' voice was evident and Severus glared, striding to the door and leaving without a goodbye.

Albus sighed after the man- it was such a change to see him angry and fighting a cause because he _cared_ for someone, _loved_ someone… Albus wondered if he himself would ever feel that way again after the mistakes of _his _youth...

* * *

_I would like to say an immense thankyou to RACHEL who just started reading this fanfiction last week. Your spontaneous reviews have kept me laughing all week, my favourites being "Oh he's just so think headed" and "stupid, stupid Severus!" you have MADE MY WEEK, thank you SO MUCH for all the time you've put in reading and reviewing, I dedicate this chapter to you :D _


	57. Chapter 56

Serena sat in her long stripy night shirt hunched over her writing desk, her favourite purple quill in her hand as she wrote to her best friend. As she stood up to fetch her owl from the window sill there was a soft click of the lock and her door opened. Severus locked and warded it behind him and walked over to kiss Serena gently on the lips.

She smiled up at him and she swore she saw the faint flicker of Severus' smile before his expression of stress returned.

"to whom are you writing?" he said quietly, stroking the pieces of hair that were framing her face before pushing them back behind her ear.

"Remus," she murmured, wrapping her arms around his waist and pressing her ear against his chest. Even through all his layers of clothes she could hear the valiant beating of his heart. "I want to see him tomorrow, I need someone to talk to."

"you can talk to me," he said frowning.

"I know my love, I just like another ear, you know? I'd tell Remus anything, he's like a brother to me."

Severus was silent and she smiled against his chest. "I can trust you with anything and I can tell you anything- I never forget that Sev. I love you."

"I love you too" he sighed, tucking her head underneath his chin and tightening his grip around her. "I just hate letting you out of my sight."

She gave a small laugh. "you think I like seeing you go off with death eater pals or even meeting someone I don't know?"

Severus stroked her hair thoughtfully- he hadn't thought of it like that. "will you please apparate straight there and back tomorrow? I don't want you out alone in the morning- Hogsmeade will probably be very quiet."

"alright" she said, rather than argue about her not staying locked up for the rest of her life.

She swore she heard him thank her under his breath but a moment later he was pulling away from her grasp. "send your letter, I shall wait in your room."

She watched him walk into her bedroom and shut the door and then she sighed, her shoulders dropping. Severus was stressed and it made Serena unhappy to see him so miserable. She had the worry of her Father- but he also had that worry and a thousand other worries. Death Eaters were contacting him more frequently now, frightened that their mark is turning darker and wanting advice about how to respond to the Dark Lord's inevitable return.

Albus was putting stress on his shoulders, asking him to do task after task. He already spent half his time shadowing Igor Karkaroff and the other half was spent in a room with students he loathed.

She tied her letter slowly to her owl and watched as she flew into the night, becoming a tiny speck in the distance. She breathed in the fresh air and it cleared her head: Severus clearly needed cheering up; and who better than her to give him a release from his troubles?

She slipped her night shirt off over her head and readjusted her navy bra and lace pants. After unclipping her hair she walked to the bedroom door and pushed it open very slowly.

Severus was reclining against her pillow, his arms folded behind his head and his ankles crossed. When his eyes met her they widened and his lips parted.

The door swung shut behind her and she walked to the bed in the dimly lit room, climbing on to it and crawling towards him, smirking slightly as his eyes fixed on the clear view of her cleavage. As she reached him, still on her hands and knees, he opened his mouth to speak but she pressed a finger lightly to his lips. "you are way overdressed," she whispered, pressing her lips to his pulse point and sucking lightly. She felt his hands caressing up and down her body and she smiled as his breathing became laboured.

"Serena-"

She hushed him with her lips on his, kissing him deeply and slowly, their mouths moving together so sweetly yet passionately. His response was different, she felt the need as his lips met hers: he didn't want this kiss- he _needed _it as though it was the very essence of his being- he needed her.

She climbed onto his lap; her legs open as she straddled him and ground against his crotch wantonly, surprised as he groaned in his chest deeply and knotted his hands in her hair tightly, holding her head as he kissed her fiercely, her fingers made quick work of the buttons on his shirt and it was quickly pulled from him. Her fingernails dragged lightly down his chest and he suddenly grasped her shoulders, pushing her back onto the bed and pinning her down in a fluid moment.

"you tease me, witch" he growled in her ear quietly, making her shiver with arousal at his voice.

"I'd never tease you" she breathed, gasping as his tongue swirled on her stomach.

"then why are you so overdressed?" he smirked, echoing her previous comment.

"then by all means Severus" she moaned, "undress me."

Severus awoke first the next morning and he very quietly untangled himself from Serena's grasp. He took a quick shower and changed into his robes before sitting back on the edge of the bed and watching his princess sleep. She looked so peaceful, he thought, as she lay there dreaming. He stroked her hair lightly and eventually dragged himself away from her, going up to meet Albus as he had requested.

"Severus, my boy" Albus greeted him with a smile Severus did not return. "the final task is less than a month away. I would like to go through some of the security procedures this morning, I have asked Alastor and Minerva to join us, they should be here shortly.

"and reason for the early hour, Albus?" he asked quietly, glancing out at the rising sun through the windows.

"I have a meeting at the ministry; also I know you all have classes to be teaching."

Severus inclined his head as the door opened behind him and Alastor and Minerva walked in. Alastor parked himself next to Severus, stretching his wooden leg out with a groan. "gives me jip in the mornings" he grumbled, taking out his hip flask and swigging what Severus assumed was a pain potion.

The meeting passed in a haze of orders from Albus. Severus was sick of it- sick of having to take orders from the man who gave him little in return. His only freedom was Serena, and Severus was sure Albus would find a reason to tear them apart too.

"you're being unreasonable" he muttered to himself in the mirror a week later. "Albus does what he has to do. Stop blaming him." _and stop talking to yourself_ he mentally added, scowling at his pale double. Severus was in a bad mood. He hadn't seen Serena privately all week as Albus was constantly holding meetings or sending him to spy on his death eater friends. He never once asked Severus how he felt, if he was scared- no- terrified that the Dark Lord was returning. Was he scared? Yes, but he was not a coward. He would face the consequences of his actions; he would put the wizarding world and Serena before his own life without a thought. But the thought that he could die so soon- that she could be left alone _again_- that scared him. That thought tore through him every second of every day.


	58. Chapter 57

It was Saturday; two weeks until the Final Task.

"mm," Severus rolled over and kissed Serena's cheek lightly. "you are taking my side of the blanket" he murmured in a deep baritone, brushing his lips against her jaw.

"this is _my_ side" she yawned, sitting up and running a hand through her hair, stopping when she saw Severus' broad smile.

"what?" she said, unused to seeing him smile so openly.

"you look utterly well fucked."

She laughed and rolled out of bed. "I am. I'm also going to be late."

He groaned and watched her naked figure disappear into the bathroom, shortly followed by the sound of the shower running.

He yawned and lay back in the pillows, absorbing himself in these rare moments of freedom and relaxation.

When she emerged dressed in jeans and a loose t shirt he made to get up, but she pushed him back in bed, kissing him as he went.

"stay" she murmured, "relax. you need it.

"wouldn't you rather stay here with me than go off with that mangy mutt?"

"If I did only what I preferred to do then I would get very little done apart from you. Now stay here, I'll only be gone the morning, I'll meet you at about three o' clock this afternoon? In your classroom?"

He grumbled his agreement and she kissed him very lightly on the lips.

"see you later."

He grumbled again and the sound of her laughter reached him as she walked out and through her office.

He decided to get up- what other reason did he have for being here if she were gone?

He would spend his Saturday morning brewing potions. He had Serena's element potion to brew, as well as beginning Remus' wolfsbane and he also wanted to try and brew an aura potion he had been studying.

At half past two he took a shower and changed into a new crisp white shirt, before buttoning his robes back over it. He grabbed a pile of essays that the dunderhead third years had written and began to mark them. He was only half way through when three o' clock came, and yet Serena had not arrived. He kept piling through them, getting more and more annoyed as he read the complete and utter flobberworms-of-essays. At half past three he threw them all down angrily and stood up. Where was she? He paced back and to, peering out of his office door and glaring at the emptiness.

This was ridiculous. Severus hurried up to the headmaster's office, he was beginning to panic. Where was she? It wasn't like her to disappear like this- she had promised him they would meet up and she always kept her promises. He knocked on the door loudly and entered without waiting for a reply. He had walked in on a discussion between Albus, Minerva and Sirius, at whom he scowled. He calmed himself and put on a conversational, casual tone before addressing Albus.

"headmaster, have you seen Miss Lake?"

"no, Severus, I have not, is something wrong?" Severus conveyed his panic without words, through occlumency.

"she was with me this morning" Sirius said, wondering why Snape was so bothered.

"when and where?" he asked sharply.

"I don't really see how it's any of your business Snape" he sneered.

"Sirius, answer the question," Albus said, standing up. He could tell something was wrong.

Sirius raised his eyebrows but did as he was told. "We were at Grimauld place together this morning… then we had lunch here, then I picked something up from Alastor's, then we were in the staff room. The last I saw of her was when she muttered something and then rushed out- she seemed distracted."

"what did she say exactly?" Albus said acutely.

"something about… how it all fits and an impostor of some sort? But I had no idea what she was on about- she'd been talking rubbish all afternoon, something about polyjuice potion and rambling on about how she hated Moody and-"

"Moody" Severus said. It clicked in his head at the same time as it clicked in Albus', and the two of them jumped in shock at the same time.

"Moody" Severus said, panicked, "Moody isn't Moody, he's an impostor, a death eater-"

"his office" Albus said, rage and fury inside of him. Severus turned and sprinted for the door. Albus followed him, shouting for Minerva and Sirius to follow.

As they ran along the corridor Severus ran into Remus and growled for him to follow, which he did, alarmed at Severus' anger and uncontrolled look. Severus sprinted all the way through the castle, Serena, Serena, she had to be okay, she had to be. If anything had happened to her he would never forgive himself. He did not want to live if she was- No! That thought was too awful to imagine.

His mind took in the flash of rage in Albus' eyes. They had been fooled- they had all been fooled and now Serena might be paying the price. They all arrived at Moody's office together. Sirius wasted no time in blasting down the door and Albus shot a stunning curse straight at the figure in the middle of the room who flew back against the wall, cracking his head and sliding down it, however he was not unconscious.

They all froze for a momentary second as they took in the horrific scene.

The room was trashed, curses had flown everywhere, there were holes in books and the window had been smashed. Moody was now slumped against the back wall, his face covered in blood, just stirring slightly. But then Severus' eyes moved to an image he would never forget. One that filled him with the most heart wrenching dread he had felt in his entire life. He felt physically sick, he felt angry, he felt as though he might burst into tears at that very moment, because there, tied to a chair that was lying awkwardly on the floor was Serena.

She was covered in blood, cuts and slashes across her body and face, but that was not the worst part: her clothes had been cut and ripped off her- Moody had raped her. In that split second where Severus had frozen in horror, Minerva and Albus had Moody surrendered under their wands, but an animalistic rage possessed Severus. He barged past them and kicked out, hitting Moody square in the face. Blood spurted everywhere, he could hear shouts of protest but all he felt was rage and he hit out again with his arms because casting a spell would take too long.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO HER YOU SICK FUCKER! WHAT THE FUCK- YOU'RE GOING TO PAY-" Severus roared at the top of his voice, his fingers closing around Moody's throat- he was out of control, past reason, all he waned to do was to hurt this man, to beat him, to make him feel pain, his white fingers closed tighter around the man's throat but the hands closing around his shoulders dragged him back, away from the body. He saw Remus' face in front of his and felt him shaking him roughly by the shoulders.

"Serena."

The one word from Remus brought Severus back to his senses. He looked away from Moody, from the others, he turned to Serena and knelt down on the floor next to her, untying her from the chair as quickly as possible. His hands fumbled, he was shaking badly, he looked at her face, she was unconscious, but her muscles kept twitching and jerking- he guessed the cruciatus curse had been used. He swallowed his anger- he had to concentrate on Serena. He took off his cloak and covered her in it, trying not to look at her abused body, her ripped clothes, her fragile skin beneath. He picked her up in his arms, turned and ran for the hospital wing.

"come on Serena, come on, come on my love, you can make it."

Tears welled up in his eyes, but he blinked them away, focussing on sprinting as fast as he could, with her limp body in his arms.

"Poppy!" he shouted as soon as he entered the ward.

"in here, in here" she directed him to a bed- Albus had sent her a message to tell her to be prepared. Severus lay her on the bed as Poppy drew the curtain around them quickly. He took his cloak off her and let Poppy see.

"it was Moody- he's a death eater, an impostor, polyjuice potion, I- Poppy, is she going to be alright?" he leant against the wall for support, sweating profusely, absolutely terrified.

Poppy worked quickly, taking off the little clothing that was left on the girl, whilst Severus paced back and to, back and to. Poppy understood immediately. It was her who had seem Severus at his most vulnerable before- her who perhaps new his lighter side and it did not take much for her to piece together so quickly the puzzle. She was in such sympathy with Severus- he looked like she had never seen him before- completely out of control. Severus was a desperate man- he looked stricken, he looked… like a man in love- a man so afraid of loosing the person that mattered more to him than anything ever had… she diverted her mind back to Serena, tracing her wand over her body, talking aloud to let Severus know what was happening. He was practically tearing his hair out with the waiting, gasping for breath, and sweating and pacing and filled with anger and fear.

"slow breathing, very shallow, broken wrist, and leg and her knee cap is shattered. Severe cuts and gashes to all part of body, particularly the abdomen. Her skull has been cracked on something, was she found on the floor?" she looked at Severus for an answer.

"she- she had been tied to a chair, and it had been kicked over, she would have hit the floor hard," he said, pain in his voice. He could not bear to hear all the injuries and pain she was in- but there was one thing he was waiting for, one fear to be confirmed.

"It looks like there has been extensive use of the cruciatus curse, her muscles are not working, they're constantly fluctuating and twitching, her entire muscle coordination may be lost, and…" Poppy froze as she realised. She turned her head to Severus, who looked like he was expecting the news she was about to throw on him. "she's… it looks like there is forced entry… bruising… she… she's been raped." There was pity, regret and horror in her voice as her eyes watered, but she was not prepared for Severus' reaction.

He swore foully and punched the wall, again and again, his voice desperate and broken, "I'm sorry" he gasped as his knuckles broke, "oh Serena, oh Serena, I'm so sorry, I promised… I… fuck, fuck… I'm so sorry…" he leant against the side of the wall as Remus and Sirius rushed in, hearing his shouting and Poppy's wails for him to stop.

Remus went straight to him and put his hands on his shoulders, speaking clearly and firmly, "Severus you need to keep yourself together."

Severus took a deep breath and nodded, regaining himself. He straightened himself up, shook Remus off and stalked out of the room. Poppy covered Serena with a hospital gown and worked on trying to fix her head- it was so difficult when she didn't know exactly what was wrong.

Albus hurried up to the hospital wing, having made sure Moody was guarded and locked up securely. He went into the room and Poppy briefed him. He conjured a chair and sat down, looking up at the stricken faces of Sirius and Remus.

"where is Severus?" he asked quietly.

"he's just gone to… fix his hand… he seems upset Albus… what's going on?"

"Serena and Severus have been in a relationship for many months now. They are engaged to be married, and I know you all have many questions on the subject, but for now, let us concentrate on Serena's health."

Remus and Sirius' mouths opened in amazement and shock.

"she's not looking good, Albus" Poppy said quietly. "she has many injuries- how long was she there?"

"hours" Sirius said quietly, bitterness evident in his voice… "she'd been there hours… with him…" As he looked at Serena's covered body his eyes filled up and he put a hand to them to stop the tears. "I'll be outside" he muttered, and Remus followed him.

They walked straight into Severus who was returning, his hand mended, a complete look of pain on his face. He made no recognition of seeing either of them, just pushed past and went back into the room.

Sirius and Remus sat down heavily on a bed. "so it's true then" Remus said quietly. "I've never seen a man so heart broken than Severus right now."

Sirius had to nod: Remus was right. "I… I can't believe this is happening… poor Serena…" Sirius buried his face in his hands, which was exactly what Severus was doing behind the curtain.

Poppy was working as quickly as she could and Severus knew he could not interrupt but he couldn't exactly stand around and do nothing!

"Poppy let me help-"

"Severus, let Poppy do her job, she's sorted you out enough times, she knows what she's doing. I'll be outside." Albus grasped Severus' shoulder comfortingly and went to speak to Remus and Sirius.

Severus took off his cloak, rolling up his right shirt sleeve and undoing a button at his neck: he was sweating too much. He grimaced and took Serena's hand, squeezing it tightly. "come on Serena" he whispered. "come on, my love."

"her breathing is slowing" Poppy said suddenly, taking a pulse. She summoned a breathing implicate from the ward and strapped it over Serena's face, encouraging oxygen to move into her lungs. Poppy worked for over an hour on Serena's wounds and breaks. Some scarred- horrible long gashes across the front of her body and she could see that the marks broke Severus' heart.

Remus brought him a cup of coffee silently after an hour and Severus said a silent thank you.

"Severus, look at this" Poppy's sharp voice said. It was ten o' clock that evening and Severus jumped up, glad to be out of the chair he had been sitting in for hours. Poppy had opened Serena's eyes- the usually warm brown had been replaced by an empty, ghostly pale grey.

"what's going on?" he said quickly. "why are they like that?"

Poppy shook her head, "I don't know- get the headmaster in." She covered Serena's body with a gown and the headmaster came through.

"it is not as symptom- it was caused directly" he said after tracing his wand over her head.

"Moody?" Poppy said, her eyes widened in shock.

"yes, or whoever is impersonating him.

"headmaster it could be dark magic… I have read about it somewhere…dark magic to block the senses, or in this case just the one…" Severus steadied his breathing and controlled his emotions as best he could. "it is harmful to her body- the longer it is there but… I think it should be temporary."

"Severus, would you be willing to research this? It is you who has the greatest knowledge of the dark arts?"

Severus hesitated, not wanting to go back to them but he knew what was at stake- "of course Headmaster."

Albus left again, taking Remus and Sirius with him to see if Moody had transformed yet.

"Severus" Poppy said quietly, thinking it would do him good to be able to help. "will you help me take Serena for a bath? She has blood on her and… she'd probably prefer it…"

Severus nodded and cleared his throat, "anything I can do."

Poppy had run the enormous walk-in bath- almost like a small swimming pool and Severus carried Serena's limp body through.

"I think if you could just levitate her?" Poppy said quietly, looking at the pain in Severus face.

"no need" he muttered, slipping off his shoes and walking into the water with Serena in his arms. He washed her gently, whilst standing fully clothed, soaked to the skin in the bath with her. He shampooed her hair, letting her float in front of him on the water. Poppy watched from the other side of the room and she could have sworn she saw Severus brush a tear away. Afterwards he dried her gently and Poppy dressed her in a hospital gown, allowing Severus to carry her back to the private bed.

Severus cast a drying spell on himself, "I'm going to go and get them dark art books and get changed…"he muttered to Poppy. "send me a patronus immediately if… well, I should only be ten minutes."

Poppy smiled sadly after him- why had it taken something like this for his love to show so clearly?

Severus was less than ten minutes and he arrived back out of breath- having run all the way there and back. He was changed into black trousers and a white shirt which he wore loosely, opening at the neck. He was not bothered about looking smart or being his usual structured self- all he cared about now was Serena. He sat on the chair next to her bed and took her hand, pressing it to his lips, "come on my love, for me, make it for me."

And so began the torment of waiting.

* * *

**A/N: dun dun duuuhh. :o will serena survive? will severus sacrifice his pride for love? who IS moody? and what will happen in the final task? Reviews are appreciated!**


	59. Chapter 58

Day One

Severus spent all night sitting on that chair, watching her. He jumped at any sign of movement- but Poppy told him it was just her muscles reacting. She had undergone severe use of the cruciatus curse… Severus had had his fair share of it and he would never wish it on anyone. Serena was so little and vulnerable and… she had taken all this pain…

He was scared. He wouldn't admit it, but inside he was terrified- not only of loosing her, but he was also scared of her living yet being different. There were known cases where the cruciatus curse had affected the mind- mental deterioration… Severus didn't know what to do or think. Serena's mind was so strong yet…

At one in the morning Sirius came in and drew up a chair opposite him.

"Albus… Albus told me and Remus… about the two of you."

Severus said nothing, not taking his eyes from Serena.

"I… I wasn't happy about it at first- I know there's nothing I could do of course but… well now… I've changed my mind, I just want you to know. I think… I think you deserve her, and that's saying something."

Severus looked up as Sirius' words processed in his mind. He cleared his throat- he was in no mood to argue or insult him.

"I appreciate it" he said quietly. Sirius nodded and the two men had an understanding between them- their differences had been put aside- for her.

Sirius stayed for an hour and then went to get some sleep. Poppy came back and to- giving Serena various medicines and checking her.

"she's stable" she said, putting a comforting hand on Severus' shoulder. He said nothing, he felt so… helpless and sad and upset and… he just wanted her back, he wanted to hold her…

Day Two

Severus had not slept all night; he kept the same constant gaze, fixated on her seemingly peaceful face. He held her hand, hoping she would know he was there, she would feel him willing her on.

Poppy brought him something to eat for breakfast, but he refused, feeling physically sick with worry. He began reading the dark art books, looking for any kind of explanation. He got through four volumes that afternoon and found nothing. Just as the window was darkening at sunset a strange beeping sound came from an instrument by the bed. Poppy rushed in, along with another healer.

"she's not breathing" Poppy said, scanning her wand over her body.

Severus jumped up, fear overcoming him, "Poppy what's going on?"

Poppy turned Serena quickly on her side and then used a _Apneo_ charm. The bleeping disappeared and Poppy lowered Serena back down. "it's fine, she's fine Severus she was just sick… it blocked her windpipe and… well, she's okay."

"but why was she sick in the first place!"

"It's just her body responding- it's a good sign" she lied to him.

Severus saw it- he was the best occlumens he knew and it was easy to see she was lying to him. He slumped back down into the chair.

"what can I do? He said quietly. "Poppy give me something to do else I should drive myself mad."

"Severus, get something to eat, you look like hell."

"I feel like hell…"

Poppy could only pat his shoulder comfortingly and then walk out, leaving him alone to wallow in his thoughts again. He shifted and sat on the bed next to her, stroking her hair back from her face. He leant down and pressed a kiss to her temple and then paused to whisper in her ear.

"please don't leave me."

Day Three

Severus awoke that morning, wincing from the pain in his neck. He had fallen asleep in the chair and he turned quickly to Serena. She looked the same as before and he leant over her, checking her eyes again. They were still white and Severus grimaced. He began reading the next few volumes, looking for something, anything to help her.

She had many visitors throughout the day but Poppy refused to let them in to see her. Only Sirius, Remus and Albus occasionally joined in on Severus' waiting.

He was sitting with Albus that afternoon, drinking coffee to try and stay awake.

"why isn't she healing?" he said suddenly, noticing there were still scars on her arms.

"I can't use anything stronger- her empathic skills are mixing with my remedies-her reactions have become unpredictable, that's why it is taking so much longer for her to heal."

"can't we just let her natural processes take over?" Albus asked.

Poppy shook her head, "they are not strong enough without her conscious mind."

"it's always about her mind, isn't it?" Severus muttered bitterly. "you remember, Albus, over a year ago now, when you asked me to help her control the passions of her mind? You said then, that by getting to know every part of her mind so intimately, that we would soon become close… maybe if you hadn't asked me we wouldn't have… and I wouldn't be here caring… I wouldn't have this consistent pain- I wouldn't give a toss that she's probably going to die- I wouldn't-"

"Severus- Severus, calm yourself my boy" Albus interrupted, squeezing Severus' hand.

Severus stood up and walked over to the wall that still bore the blood marks from his fist. He traced the lines with a shaking finger, his back to Albus.

"There is a war coming, Albus." he stated, his voice surprisingly neutral. "even if she does survive this, she will be in danger because of me the moment the Dark Lord returns, and he will make Crouch seem like a puppy compared to what he'd do to her if… Perhaps it is better if she-"

"Severus…" A new voice made Severus jump and spin around, his wand clutched tightly in his hand. Remus looked tired and worn and he held that hard, pained expression that was reflected upon his own face. It appeared Remus had heard his soliloquy. "I don't care if you don't believe it, but I believe that she might be able to hear us. It would not bode well if the man she apparently loves is wishing for her to die."

Severus was silent, his face blank and his eyes flickered onto Serena's still form. He was calculating in his mind the probability of Remus' words being true. Did he believe that too? He had begged her last night to not leave him… did he think she would listen? Then why wouldn't she wake up when he asked her to!

After a long pause he gave a brief nod and dropped his wand hand, slumping back into his chair. Albus excused himself but Remus stayed, his eyes full of watery concern has he looked upon Serena's pale face. He perched on the side of her bed and stroked her hair as Severus had.

Severus didn't know whether to protest and he stiffened when Remus kissed her forehead lightly.

"we are friends" Remus said in a quiet, hoarse voice, sensing Severus' discomfort. "I love Serena like my sister. She accepts me for who I am, she brought me such happiness with her love." He paused for a moment as he brushed away tears that had fallen down his face. "be good to her Severus. When she gets better, you'd better be bloody good to her…"

Poppy let Severus bathe her again that evening- feeling it would do good to give him something useful to do. She also conjured some cushions for him to lean against in case he fell asleep again that night.

Day Four

Severus rushed out at five that morning to throw up in the toilet next door. He winced as the disgusting acidic taste hit his mouth and he wretched air, clutching his stomach and leaning against the wall for support. He conjured water and drank it, ridding the taste and splashing some on his face.

He went back to sit by Serena, summoning another 'pepper up' potion. He had put the bottle to his lips when Poppy stopped him. She had been watching him with that expression of pity Severus despised. She took the bottle and vanished it.

"Severus you're being sick because you have drunk too much potion and coffee to stay awake, you have not slept a wink and have eaten no more than a piece of bread in days!"

"how can I sleep?" he growled. "How can I eat? How can I continue my damn life when she is like this!"

"Severus, calm yourself, what good will it do her if she awakens to see you looking like an inferi!"

Severus turned away from her but she put a hand on his arm. "go and get something hot to eat, get changed, have a shower and come back feeling ready to fight the world."

Severus nodded, knowing she was right.

"if she-"

"I'll call you."

He went down to the dungeons- the castle was almost empty- the students were in class and he only saw the occasional professor or ministry official. Many of them looked at him but he kept his head down and went to his office. He had a hot shower- Poppy was right, it was almost relaxing. He changed his shirt and then went up to the great hall. He sat alone and ate a hot soup quickly. When he got back to the ward Poppy smiled at him. "much better."

He nodded silently and then resumed his seat, his eyes flickering between his book and her face.

Day Five

A notion took Severus and he went down to Serena's office and brought up her music player with some music. He put it by the side of her bed and let it play quietly, finding a song she had played for him.

_And I've seen your flag on the marble arch_

_Love is not a victory march_

_It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah…_

Severus mouthed the words hallelujah, praying with all his might she would be okay. Did he believe in god? He was not sure, but he had to believe in something, there had to be some mercy.

He read as the music played and finally stumbled across something. He went straight out to Poppy.

"Poppy, here, dark curses that stop the senses- it talk about sight being lost by a curse. Either that curse can be lifted or… the caster has to die."

Poppy took the book and scanned it. "yes, it seems to fit her symptoms exactly."

Severus sighed relief, "so it's temporary?"

"it is."

He almost smiled as relief swamped him. "thank you" he breathed.

Day six

Poppy came in to change Serena's gown that morning, giving a sad smile to the black figure slumped towards the bed. She had barely touched Serena when the alarms triggered again, Serena's body shook violently, her head shaking, her eyes rolling back into her skull.

"Severus, hold her head!" Poppy ordered as she injected Serena quickly. Severus held her head steady, his mouth apart in shock. Serena lay still again after the needle was pulled from her arm.

"what- what happened?" Severus said as Poppy checked Serena's vitals.

"She had a fit, it's fine, it's common- they just look worse than they are."

"Poppy her eyes-" Severus watched horrified as blood trickled from Serena's eyes, like streams of red tears carving a path down her face…

Poppy was quick to act, pushing Severus away from the bed and opening Serena's eyes. "She's just ruptured something whilst she was shaking" she muttered, waving her wand across Serena's forehead. The blood stopped and Severus collapsed back into the chair, tears welling in his eyes from despair. He shut his eyes, running his hands through her hair softly.

"Serena my love, try, try my babe, come back to me."

Day Seven

Albus came that morning to update Severus on Crouch's trial- it was going to be that week and they needed a statement from Serena.

"Albus if she's not… if she's not awake then it'll have to be postponed."

"I have already told the minister."

"and maybe… Albus I… I don't want her to remember" he said quietly. "she's… if she knows what happened to her it will tear her apart, she can't take anymore."

"she's strong," Albus said quietly.

"she's…" severus couldn't finish, his throat burned and tears welled in his eyes. He buried his face in his hands, feeling Albus hand on his shoulder.

"don't worry my boy, she has you- she can deal with anything."


	60. Chapter 59

Day Eight

"Sev-er-us" she murmured into the darkness, trying to lift her heavy head.

"Serena?" she heard a panicked reply nearby. It was his voice- he was bringing her back- he was here for her.

"Severus?" she tried again, her voice stronger this time.

"Serena" the voice came again, this time closer and full of relief. "I'm here, I'm here."

She jerked up suddenly remembering her fear, feeling the pain of her screaming muscles,

"moody-" she panicked but she felt arms closing around her.

"he's gone, he's not going to hurt you, oh Serena" Severus was so overwhelmed with relief and joy juxtaposed with his guilt and anger. He pulled the woman he loved close to him. "Oh thank merlin" he whispered. She hugged him tightly, just wanting to be near to him. She felt something wet on her cheek and realised what it was.

"Severus?" she whispered, looking up, "Oh Severus are you crying?"

Severus did not say anything as he struggled to stop the tears falling.

"Oh Severus" Serena whispered, her hands finding his face tenderly and brushing his tears away. "Oh Severus I love you so much."

She felt him kiss her cheek and her forehead. "I love you" he replied hoarsely, stroking her hair comfortingly.

"Severus take this thing off my eyes" she said softly, "I want to see you."

Severus did not reply as he watched her hands move up to her eyes and the look on her face when she realised there was nothing there. She opened them and Severus looked into the pale grey, seemingly lifeless eyes.

"but… but I can't see anything. Severus?" her voice had an edge to it and Severus forced himself to reply to her.

"It's temporary" he said first. "We… we think it's dark magic… we're trying to find a way to get rid of it, but it's strong and it's going to take time… we don't know how long."

"but…but I'm blind," she said, her voice slightly higher than normal.

"I know babey" he spoke quietly in her ear. "I'm so sorry, but I know."

Serena bit her lip, trying not to spill tears as the realisation spread over her. "I'm never going to see your face again?" she whispered, gazing blankly at the place she felt his breath from.

"It's here" he said softly, moving her hands up to his face. "See, it's here, I'll always be here my babey." Serena felt his face lightly with her fingertips and Severus shut his eyes. She moved her hands over his cheeks, his nose, his lips, through his hair.

"I'm scared Severus" she whispered in a shaky tone. "and I'm hurting, it hurts so much."

"It's okay my love, it's okay." Severus pulled Serena to him and she sat in his lap on the edge of the bed. He stroked her hair and she put her face in his chest, taking in his smell and feeling safer.

Poppy had watched from a distance, not wanting to interrupt the couple's love. If she had not seen it with her own eyes she would never have believed it. Severus had been here every day and night, waiting and watching her, but he had just cried! He had cried for her, because of her… and it was not unrequited either. She had never seen someone so in love, so secure as Serena when she was in his arms. It brought tears to her eyes just to watch, and she went back into her office, giving them time to be together.

Severus rocked her back and forth and she clung to him tightly. "You're safe, my love" he whispered in her ear.

"I'm always safe with you Severus…"

Severus concentrated on not crying again as he held her in his arms, as a loving protector, but of course he had not protected her. He had failed.

He was diverted from his thoughts as she kissed his cloak and then his neck, finding her way blindly to his lips. She brushed them with hers gently and he responded tenderly, knowing she would want comfort rather than passion. He kept kissing her lightly, knowing she was close to tears and wanting to stop her. She did not cry, she stayed strong and concentrated only on him, on his feel, on the comfort and security she felt being between his arms once again. She felt his fingers through her hair and she closed her eyes, relaxing again.

Severus sent a patronus to Poppy and she scurried over with her wand. "now then my dear" she said to the small girl, curled in Severus' arms. As she reached out and touched her Serena flinched away and gasped fearfully. "shh, shh" Severus murmured to her, "It's just Poppy, she's going to make sure you're okay."

Serena shook her head and tried to move away from the healer but Severus held her in his arms tightly. "shh" he murmured, calming her. "this is what we're going to do okay?" he spoke softly, almost childlike to her. At this point no one knew exactly what had happened to her, but Severus thought he knew why she flinched away from touch and he had a difficulty focussing on her rather than on the images in his head. "You're going to stand up and let Poppy check you over and I'm going to be here, I'll stand right behind you if you want, and you can hold my hands, okay?"

Serena was still for a moment but then she slowly nodded, just not wanting to part from Severus.

"okay, stand up."

Serena stood up shakily, wincing from the pain and Severus stood directly behind her, feeling the curve of her body against the front of his. She clutched his hands tightly, a terrified expression on her face. She was so confused, why was she in the hospital wing? She felt as though all her joints were on fire, her muscles were aching so badly but she pushed that thought to the back of her mind. Why was Severus so upset?

She concentrated on breathing in and out. She flinched when Poppy touched her shoulder but she did not pull back. She felt her hands down her arm and then down the other one. They moved behind her neck and on her head and then down her chest to her thighs and to the floor. Poppy traced her wand over every inch of the poor girl's body. She flinched every time Poppy touched her, but Severus kept her calm, whispering into her ear. Poppy was full of respect for the man, he was acting so protective and caring. Her wand told her that Serena's muscles were inflamed, constantly contracting and expanding, however the broken bones she had been submitted with had healed through her empathic skills.

"Are you in pain?" she asked her gently.

Serena nodded in the direction she thought Poppy was standing.

"where?"

"everywhere" she murmured. "I feel like my whole body has been set on fire."

"can we get her a pain killing potion Poppy?" Severus asked quickly.

Poppy nodded and hurried away and Severus wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her backwards into his body.

"what happened to me Severus?" she asked in a frightened voice.

"You don't remember?" he said cautiously.

She shook her head and bit her lip.

"don't worry about it just yet, Albus wants to talk to you."

"Is he here?"

"he has just come in" Severus said, looking up at the man who approached slowly, his eyes moving over Severus' protective stance. The way he looked after her so completely was inspiring. Like Poppy, he had never seen true love like this with his own eyes before. Serena pressed Severus' hands to her lips and kissed it softly. She was nervous and scared but she got comfort from him.

"Albus is here in front of you, about three metres" he murmured in her ear.

"Serena" Albus said. "I am so glad you are up."

He made to touch her on the shoulder comfortingly but she jumped at his touch backwards to Severus who held her gently and shushed her. "It's just Albus" he murmured.

"Albus… I… I don't-"

"Serena, it was my mistake, please. Will you sit?" Albus looked pitifully at the girl who was so obviously terrified.

She nodded nervously and put her hand out to feel for the bed. Severus sat down on it and pulled her gently next to him. She put her hands on his leg to ensure he stayed with her and Severus put his hand around her shoulder, playing with her hair. He was past keeping his emotions to himself- when he was around Serena he would show his love for her, he was not ashamed and not too stony to hide it.

Poppy brought the pain killing potion but she passed it to Severus instead of Serena. He pressed it into her hand, "here, drink."

She did so without even asking what it was and Poppy and Albus both noticed the trust she had in him.

"who is here?" she asked him quietly.

"Albus and Poppy, we need to talk to you" he said quietly.

Poppy and Albus both conjured chairs opposite and sat silently, waiting for Serena to agree. She nodded slowly and Albus began.

"Serena, I am so sorry to have to burden you with this now, but trust me, it is better now than to wait until tomorrow. Is it okay if I question you?"

She nodded again.

"If you don't want to answer the question, just say, but I do implore you that all the information we can get will be helpful."

"okay" she said, her throat sore.

"can you tell us everything you remember about that day, in your own time, my dear."

"I… I woke up" she murmured, trying with all her might to remember. "I… it was a Saturday, I… I went to Grimauld Place, in the morning I… I had lunch here, with Sirius and then Moody came over and said he had a foe glass, for Sirius, we… we went with him to his office, but when I was waiting I noticed polyjuice potion in the sink, a lot of it, but we left and then… afterwards… Sirius said something about the foe glass and… impostors… the potion, moody, I hated him it… it all clicked and I ran to his office… I, I took my wand and I confronted him, I… I… I don't remember anymore" she said biting her lip and shaking her head. "I'm sorry Albus" she said her voice breaking, but she heard Severus in her ear-

"don't apologise" he said firmly. "it's not your fault, don't you apologise."

He stroked her hair gently and she nodded slightly.

"Perhaps we could use a memory replenishing potion?" Severus asked. "It has been known to work, in cases like this when the memory had blocked itself for protection."

Albus nodded, "that will have to be the next step."

"I'll go and get some" Severus said but he was prevented from standing up by Serena who shook her head and tightened her grasp on his arm. "don't leave me" she said desperately, and he sat back down quickly.

"I'm not going to Serena, it's okay, I won't I promise."

"Poppy do you have any here?"

"I'll go and check" she said, hurrying off to her office.

Albus watched as Severus rocked the shaking girl back and forth, whispering words of comfort in her ear. He smiled sadly at the two of them and caught Severus eye. He bowed his head towards him, showing without words just how proud he was. Severus nodded back and glanced back down at Serena. He was not yet used to her grey eyes, they were seemingly empty, and he was so used to her warm brown ones, full of life and passion. He kissed her head and she shut her eyes, leaning into him.

"why can't I remember?" she said turning her head to where she thought Albus sat.

"Sometimes… the mind blocks events to protect itself from the trauma the memories may cause. I am sorry to have to ask you to do this Serena, truly I am."

She shook her head, "I understand. How long have I been…out?"

"eight days" Severus answered immediately. He had counted every goddam hour of hell.

He felt Serena stroke his hand in comfort and he kissed the top of her head again.

"how are you feeling?" he murmured.

"the potion is working" she said, turning her face up to his and trying to smile.

Poppy came back and Serena heard her footsteps. Again, she passed the potion to Severus.

"are you ready?" he asked her.

She nodded, knowing she had no choice. Severus gave her the potion bottle and she lifted it to her lips, drinking it down quickly. She kept her eyes shut and waited, dreading what she was about to see. Severus watched just as fearfully, he did not want her to remember, he did not want her to be in pain. The glass bottle crashed to the floor and smashed as it slipped from her grip.

"I- I remember" she said, completely horrified by the images flashing through her mind. "Oh god, oh god, I remember-"

"It's okay, it's okay" Severus murmured quickly. "Just start from the beginning, take your time, don't be scared, I am here I promise."

She breathed in and out slowly.

"you went to Moody's office" Albus pressed.

"I… I knocked on the door, he told me to come in but he knew something was wrong. I… I I kept my wand on him. How- how did you know? He says. We circled each other, he had his wand out too. He'd used polyjuice potion… he had taken it every day, he had mimicked the real Alastor's behaviour… time… it had taken time. He said, you have made only one mistake… you have come alone.

"I… I told him you knew, people would be here any moment to arrest him, the dementors but… he saw past it, he didn't believe me. The door was locked, he said the room had been silenced, no one to hear me scream…"

Severus could not bear to watch her tormenting herself so savagely but he could not leave her side. He gritted his teeth and squeezed her hand urging her to continue.

"I… I shot a spell at him, we, we duelled but he got me with a cruciatus curse, I was on the floor, in such pain, oh god, the pain…" her eyes watered as she remembered. "he disarmed me and cast bounds around my arms and legs but I used my mind, I set him on fire, but he doused it and stunned me. When I awoke I thought had been blindfolded.. I was tied to a chair, my hands behind my back, my legs attached to the legs of the chair. I tried to use my mind to get out, to hurt him but I couldn't! It wouldn't work, he said I wouldn't be doing that any time soon, just as I wouldn't be seeing the daylight…. I remember his laugh" she shuddered, "his laugh… he cast the cruciatus curse, again and again, he kept shouting, asking questions, how did I know? Where was the order of the phoenix? He kept cursing me when I wouldn't answer his question.

"Then he wanted my powers- said he'd kill me for them. Kept asking me how, kept cursing me, the pain was… unbearable… And then- and then he said something and-"

She gasped, tears pouring down her cheeks now. "he- he said tell me you- you- whore. And I said, fuck you. And- and then-" she gasped as she struggled. "and then he said, no darling, fuck you." She rocked back and forth, shaking as she remembered what happened next. "and then he slapped me and cursed me and ripped open my shirt and c-cut my jeans and- oh god- oh fuck- oh fuck-"

"Serena, listen to my voice, just concentrate on my voice my love, don't think about anything else, are you listening to me?: Severus spoke quickly and quietly, his voice hoarse and his fists clenched in anger.

Serena nodded, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Listen to me carefully, he is gone, nothing can harm you I promise, no one is going to get near you and he is never going to hurt you ever again. I don't want you to be scared, you are here with me and I am going to take care of you do you understand?"

Serena nodded again, gasping for breath through her tears.

"but- but I've been out f-for eight days." She said trembling. "it's too late to take a c-contraceptive"

"we have already given you one" Poppy said quietly. "we- we had our suspicions."

Severus clenched his fists tightly, completely livid at Moody and at himself.

"Severus" she said quietly and he nodded, although he knew the action was wasted on her. "I- I need a shower, I have to get him off me, I can feel him, I can-"

"Serena, Poppy has bathed you since then, you were- you had blood on you, she had cleaned you completely."

Serena shook her head fearfully, "he's on me. he's here."

"okay, okay" Severus said looking up at Poppy. She nodded and scurried to get a shower ready next door.

"come with me" he said quietly, standing up and pulling her with him. He took her hand and pulled her close to his body as they walked through to the private rooms. He could not keep the anger from his face and Severus was glad she could not see him. Poppy had run a shower for her and Severus tested the water. "It's warm, okay?"

She nodded and he lifted the gown from her, his eyes trailing over her naked body. Even shaking and tear stained she was beautiful. His eyes lingered on the two scars cutting across the middle of her stomach- he'd thought they'd be healed by now. He guided her into the shower and pulled the shower curtain across. He turned to Poppy. "will you get her some clean clothes, not a gown, something from her office? And some shoes?"

Poppy nodded and smiled at him, patting his arm in a motherly gesture. She had seen how gentle he was with her. Severus watched her go before pulling the curtain back. Serena was scratching at her body as though trying to get her skin off. She was murmuring to herself and Severus saw how scared and traumatised she was. He slipped off his shoes and cloak and stepped into the shower with her. His clothes soaked through almost immediately but he did not care, the water was warm and he was with Serena.

"I am here" he said quietly before reaching out and grasping her hands. She flinched but he held her hands tight so she could not scratch herself. "let me help you" he said quietly, taking the shower gel from the shelf. He squirted it into his hands and lathered it over her body. She put her hands on his hips and kept still, her eyes shut. He cleaned all her body and rinsed her off before turning her around and washing her hair gently. The pattern of lathering and rinsing and conditioning and rinsing seemed to calm her.

"better?" he said quietly.

"I can't get him off" she muttered, her head twitching to the side. "he won't get off me."

He hushed her and took her small hands in his. He put her fingers from one hand gently into his mouth and sucked them tenderly. Serena's lips parted as she felt his tongue on her hands. He loved her, even though she had not stopped Moody, he still loved her, he was here for her. Severus did the same to the other hand, his teary eyes trailing over her fragile body.

"better?" he managed hoarsely when he was done.

She nodded, tears welling in her eyes. "Severus I… I can't feel the water temperature…"

"what do you mean?" Severus said worried.

"I… I can feel the water but I can't feel if it's hot or cold or-"

"it's okay, we'll check you out I promise" he said trying to comfort her, but his face was scrunched in worry. How could this be? What had Crouch done to her?

Serena concentrated on the water to distract herself and then she saw the molecules falling. "I can see you" she said trailing her hands along his cheekbone. "the water… I can see the molecules in my mind and it carves out your shape as it runs over you…"

"that's clever" he replied, swallowing the lump in his throat.

Her hands moved up to his shoulders, feeling his muscles through the wet shirt. "why are you so tense Severus?' she asked, worried.

Severus leaned against the side of the shower and forced himself to look at her concerned face. She had been through so much, and here she was asking about him.

"I am sorry" he forced himself to say. "I am so sorry Serena."

"wh- why?" she asked fearfully. Was he leaving her?

"I failed you" he forced himself to say. "I should have protected you, I promised I would always save you and- and I did not. I let him get you, I let him touch you, I let him rape you goddam it!" Severus punched the side of the shower and tried to move away from her but her hands moved up to his face, her head shaking back and forth quickly. She struggled to explain to him.

"no, no, Severus don't you dare, don't you dare Severus!" She looked up to his face, love flooded her face and Severus could hardly look at the girl he had betrayed.

"Severus it was my doing!" She cried. "I went there of my own accord! I was stupid enough to go alone! I should have told you, I am sorry but I did not. I- I took a risk and it went badly, goddam it Severus you can't watch me every minute of every day! I am not your child! I am your lover." She stroked his wet hair, trying not to cry. "I love you, more than I can put into words, I- I need you. I want you, I think about you every second of every day. When I was in pain- I thought of you and you got me through it! I don't need you to prevent me from doing dangerous things I just, I just need you to be here when it all goes wrong to pick up the pieces. And… that's what you're so amazing at doing… You're here for me and I love you for that. Don't torment yourself Sev… I couldn't bare it. Not when you're soaking wet, standing in a fucking shower just to look after me."

Tears poured down her cheeks again and Severus leant down and kissed her lips. Her response was urgent and she let his tongue enter, teasing her own and warming her body better than any fire.

"I love you" he said firmly when he drew back.

"I know" she said smiling sadly through the pouring water.

"Poppy can we get some towels?" he said raising his voice. They waited a moment and Poppy called that they were outside. Severus guided Serena out and he wrapped a great white towel around her, drying her body and her hair for her. She succumbed herself to him, keeping her eyes shut and her body still. Severus helped her dress into jeans and a large hooded top Poppy had got for her. Severus cast a spell on himself, drying his robes. He ran his hands through Serena's wet hair.

"are you ready?"

She nodded and he took her hand, leading her back down the hospital wing. Serena heard the scraping back of a chair a few yards in front of her. "Albus I'm so-"

Severus pressed a hand across her mouth and growled in her ear, "don't you dare apologise." He felt her smile beneath his fingers and he couldn't help smiling himself. He guided her back to the bed and she sat down next to him.

"where is he now?" she asked.

"Azkaban for the moment" Albus said. "but his trial is in two days, we need to put together the best case."

"why, what can we do?"

"the dementors kiss" Severus said, a revengeful smirk on his face.

"death?" Serena said, her eyes wide.

"yes. Where he can't do any more damage."

Serena was silent and they both noticed. "Serena?"

"I don't believe in the death penalty."

"don't be ridiculous" Severus said quickly.

"Sev…" she said quietly. "let's not talk about it now."

Severus gritted his teeth and nodded.

"who… who is he?" Serena asked cautiously.

"his real name is Barty Crouch, he escaped from prison at the last break out. He's a death eater."

"what did he want?"

"he wanted information from us, he learnt of your powers too. I imagine he wanted me dead as well as others."

Serena nodded and turned toward Severus. "can- can you show me what he looks like? In your mind?"

"are you sure?"

She nodded and he agreed. He raised her hands and placed them on either side of his head. He shut his eyes, blanking out Albus' wondrous expression and an image of Barty Crouch swam into his mind. Serena looked at the man. He was tall and thin, a harsh face with a sharp jaw line, covered in stubble. His eyes were of a bright blue but they had no love- just hate and rage. Serena felt no emotion for this man. The image disappeared as Severus opened his eyes but it remained in her mind. He had tortured her and taken her body. He was the man who had caused her so much pain yet she felt nothing. She pushed the image out of her head and nodded. "thanks" she said quietly.

"Serena, we are getting a few people together in my office this evening to go over evidence for the case. Will you join us later?"

She nodded.

"then I shall leave you both now. Severus will take good care of you."

"I know" she said quietly.

She reached her hand out towards Albus blindly and he grasped her hand comfortingly. She tried to smile. Albus put a hand on Severus' shoulder as he passed and Severus felt slightly better, knowing Albus would be supporting the decisions he had to make.

"you need to sleep" he said to Serena.

"don't leave me" she said her eyes trying to find his face.

"I'm not going to. Here, just wait." He moved against the back of the bed and he guided her to him. She put her head in his lap, between his legs and shut her eyes. Severus stroked her damp hair and trailed the line of her jaw with his fingertips. She pushed all her thoughts and fears to the back of her mind, putting them in a box inside her head and locking it. She knew that soon the box would have to be emptied, she would have to confront her thoughts and feelings… just not yet. She soon fell asleep and he called Poppy over with a wave of his hand.

"how is she? Physically, I mean."

"Her muscles have not recovered. The potion will have worn off by the time she wakes up and the pain will have returned. You know it better than I, when can she take another dose?"

"not until about ten tonight" he said quietly, glancing at his watch. It was four o' clock.

"Otherwise… I believe it is just her mind that is damaged… It will only take time, and love, for that to heal."

"She says she can't feel heat- or cold. When we were in the shower she couldn't feel the temperature of the water."

"when we send her to St. Mungos we'll ask them to scan her. My guess is the cruciatus curse… it's damaged her nervous system."

Severus was so frustrated- why was he so damn useless!

Poppy looked down at the young girl, asleep in her lovers' lap.

She put her hand on Severus' shoulder, smiling. "you do look perfect."

He smiled slightly, glad Poppy understood some of what he was going through. "thank you for all you've done for her Poppy."

"no my dear, it is your love that has healed her."

She left them alone, feeling her eyes welling up again.

Severus could not take his eyes from Serena's face. He was exhausted; he had not slept properly for the past eight days, having spent every night on a chair next to her bed.

He could not get terrible images from his head- images of Moody, or Crouch as he was really, having his filthy hands over her body and touching her without permission: taking her by force. It made him feel sick, and he vowed to get revenge. He would make sure that man got what he deserved.


	61. Chapter 60

At seven o' clock Albus strolled into the ward.

"how is she?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed and watching Severus stroking her face lovingly.

"She is coping. She… she is staying strong."

"she has to." Albus said grimly. "and how are you?"

"I… I am… my head is crammed full of thoughts and emotions from my feelings towards her and the most raging anger and vengeance. I can't seem to sort them out, Albus." Severus knew he could explain the truth to Albus, he trusted him.

"My dear boy, some emotions and thoughts will come and go. For the moment you must conceal them, for her sake. But then you should sit in the quiet, alone, and sort out what you are going to do, and how you feel. You must make time for yourself Severus."

He nodded and put his head in his hands briefly. "how could he fool us Albus?"

"I have been asking myself the same thing. But it is done, my boy, there is no good fretting over spilt potion."

"this is not spilt potion! This is a girl's life! She is suffering from shock! Traumatised! Scarred! And we did nothing to stop it! I did nothing…"

Albus moved to sit by Severus and he put his hand on his shoulder. Severus was wise and yet Albus had to remind himself that he was just thirty five. "you know she would not want you to blame yourself. There is no use in it Severus, not use at all."

Severus nodded and sighed heavily. "shall I wake her?"

"please."

Severus ran his fingers through her hair again, which had dried in small ringlets. He shifted slightly underneath her and shook her awake. She stirred and then gasped, her breathing coming quick and rapid as she tried to move from Severus' hands, unaware of what was happening. She calmed as soon as she heard Severus' steady voice and relaxed against his body.

"it's fine Serena" he murmured in her ear. "it's me, it's me."

Serena nodded and shut her eyes. "Severus, it hurts, it hurts so much" she whispered through gritted teeth.

He held her tight against him. glad she could not see the look of frustration on his face. He was useless!

"where, babey, show me where?"

"everywhere" she whispered. "my shoulders, my back is bad."

"here." He move his hands to her shoulders and began to move his thumbs in small circles, massaging her inflamed muscles and murmuring sweet nothings in her ear.

Albus wanted to leave and give them privacy but he was so transfixed by the girl and her lover that he just sat silently and watched.

The sound of voices echoed from the corridor and Severus heard Poppy's shout of protest. His hands stilled and he moved in front of Serena, keeping her body against his as he drew his wand.

Albus was already by the door with his wand drawn as the two men ran around the corner and straight past him. Albus chose to do nothing, yet Severus cast a strong shield around the bed and they bounced off, both of them landing on the floor with a grunt.

Sirius scrambled up first. "Serena! Serena! Oh God you're okay, oh thank merlin!"

Serena shook her head firmly and cowered behind Severus who had stood up to face them. "no visitors" he snarled. "you're scaring her."

"we're her friends, Snivellus" Sirius growled, stepping up to him and clenching his fists.

"Serena…" Remus murmured, his eyes transfixed on the girl who looked so much smaller than he remembered.

"Remus" she whispered, her eyes welling with tears as she gazed blindly into the darkness towards his soft voice.

"Remus- I want Remus- Severus-"

Severus reluctantly stepped aside with a glare that clearly said 'if you hurt her, I'll kill you.'

Remus moved slowly and cautiously toward her. "I'm here Serena, right in front of you."

She reached her arms out, flinching when she found his robes but he stepped forward, closing the distance and pulling her into a hug.

"I'm so glad you're okay" he breathed into her ear. "I was so scared."

Serena could only try and minimise the amount of tears pouring down her face as Remus slowly pulled back and squeezed her hand. "we're going to Albus' now, we'll see you there in a few minutes."

She nodded and wiped her tears away briskly. "Remus… Sirius…" She heard their footsteps leave and then she turned and buried her face in Severus' cloak. He held her to him gently.

"I'm so scared Severus."

"it's okay, my love. it's okay now."

She nodded and sniffed before rubbing her cheek against his robe comfortingly.

"we have to go up to Albus' office, is that okay?"

She nodded and turned her head. "Is Albus here?"

"I am, my dear," Albus said quietly.

"hello" she said softly.

"There are people waiting in my office. Some you know, some you do not."

"okay."

"we need you to join us, but Severus will be with you. You do not need to say anything if you don't want to."

"It's fine, really."

"drink this first," Severus murmured, pressing a vial into her hand. "it's a pepper up, to give you energy."

She drank it and Severus stood up and pulled Serena with him, keeping her close by his side. He felt so much more protective of her now.

"how are you feeling?" he asked her.

"in pain" she said trying to smile bravely as they walked along slowly.

"there's nothing I can give you, I'm sorry."

"It's fine" she squeezed his hand.

"steps" he said, but she tripped and he had to steady her.

"damn."

"here, they're right in front of you, feel?"

She felt the steps with her foot and began to walk slowly up them.

"I want to see again" she said quietly. "I don't want to be blind."

"I know my love" he said caringly, guiding her up the steps. "I know."

"I have arranged, if you wish, for you to undergo tests at St Mungo's hospital tomorrow?" Albus said.

"do you think it will help?"

"they have better facilities and expertise than we do."

"okay, thank you Albus."

Severus held her back outside Albus' office. "are you sure you want to do this?"

She nodded. "just stay with me" she said quietly.

He squeezed her hand and Albus opened the door. The babble in the room quietened down as Albus walked through, followed by Severus who kept Serena close to his side. Perhaps Remus and Sirius had warned them not to touch her because she felt no hands on her as she followed Severus' lead. She felt eyes on her, probably gazing at her own useless eyes. She did not care how she looked although she guessed it was not good. Severus pushed her into a chair and he pulled one up himself. He had sat them at the side, slightly apart from everyone else. He glared at the faces that flickered from their joint hands to Serena's face. They were looks of shock and disbelief, concern and horror at Serena's frightened face. He guessed they knew generally what she had been through.

"Who's here?" she asked Severus quietly.

"Remus, Sirius, Minerva you know. Then… James Corvine and Jules McCarthy from Azkaban-"

"I've met Jules" she said quietly. "When I went to see my parents, he was the one who explained things to me. Where is he?" she moved her head slightly and Severus told her when to stop. "about three yards."

She nodded. "who else?"

"the Minister for Magic and Stuart Japan- Head of the department of magical law enforcement, and Richard Gatefield- Head of the auror office."

Serena turned her concentration to listening. She heard Albus sitting down, after he had greeted everyone. The whispering stopped and everyone turned their concentration to Albus.

"I would like to introduce, for those of you who do not know, but have yet guessed. This is Severus Snape, our potions master here, and Serena Lake, our charms teacher." Severus made no recognition to his name being called and Serena gazed blankly ahead, not wanting people to look at her.

"Now, we are here to discuss the case of Bartemius Crouch, who has been posing as Alastor Moody in this very castle for months. He was unveiled, over a week ago by Serena. My dear, would you mind telling everyone just how you found out?" Albus spoke softly and Serena nodded.

"I… I disliked Moody from the moment I met him, but I didn't know why when Albus asked me. I… I just got a feeling. He applied occlumency constantly and Severus said he was just an auror- it was his way but it was more than that… Then, eight days ago, I was with Sirius at his office." She moved around to try and sense where Sirius was and he spoke clearly.

"I'm here, Serena."

She tried to smile in his direction and then continued. "well when Sirius was in his office, I waited and saw in one of the sinks, polyjuice potion, quite a lot of it. It didn't click at first and then I was with Sirius that afternoon and he said something about impostors and it just made sense… I… I should have told him where I was going, but I had to think first."

"so you went alone?"

"um, who is that?" she said turning toward the voice.

"Minister for Magic, Cornelius Fudge."

"nice to meet you" she shrugged, slightly embarrassed she had not known the voice. "yes, I went alone. It was stupid, but I was full of adrenalin and I had to be sure before I told people."

"what did you intend to do?" he said in a slightly sneering voice.

Severus glared at the minister for pressing her.

"I intended to confront him" she said in a slightly defiant voice. "I wanted the truth."

"and if the truth was that he was, indeed, an impostor?"

"I didn't think that far ahead, minister" she replied through gritted teeth.

"well-"

"now then" Albus interrupted loudly. "the question is how he managed to deceive us all for so long."

"we need more checks." A deep voice said.

"Stuart Japan" severus muttered in her ear.

"we have to be precautious" he continued.

"we already have checks!" Sirius said.

"well obviously they are not sufficient" Severus said loudly.

"maybe we just need better people checking!" Sirius retorted.

"maybe you need a reality check" Severus growled. Serena pressed her hand on his chest warningly. "sev" she whispered, tilting her face up at his own.

.

He bit his lip and stopped himself retorting to Sirius' next abusive comment.

He kept his eyes on her earnest, adoring face to distract him. She was so strong.

"the auror office is prepared to help. We can give new staff exams they have to pass- mental ones not written," Richard spoke.

"I agree" Remus said.

"are there spells to detect impostors and polyjuice potion?" Serena recognised Jules' voice.

"yes" Severus answered, "but it is unlikely the Dark Lord or his followers would use the same method twice. We should look for other ways he can infiltrate."

"of course you know all about the dark lord don't you Snape?" Sirius taunted.

Severus made to draw his wand but Albus cleared his throat and spoke.

Serena put her hand warningly on Severus' arm. "please Severus, don't rise to him."

Severus was glad she could not see the threatening glare he shot Sirius.

"we need to keep focussed on the case" Albus said. "what are the chances of getting death?"

"high" James said.

"not if there is little evidence of him belonging to the Dark Lord."

"he has a dark mark!" Serena cried.

"he says he is under the Imperius curse."

"well then he's lying!"

"perhaps. But as you should know, Veritaserum is banned in the court."

"well that's just fucking ridiculous!" she shouted back. There was silence as the minister was shocked by the way she had talked to him.

"Albus, might I be excused for a moment?" she asked through gritted teeth.

"of course, my dear."

Severus stood up too, trying not to smirk and guided her outside, throwing a scowl at the minister as he passed him. He sat with her on the steps outside the office.

Serena put her head between her hands and concentrated on breathing evenly. "I can't do this… he's… he's infuriating."

"he has the same affect on me."

"how can he be so goddam stupid! If people tell the truth through Veritaserum then why can't they use it in the court!"

"they believe that people should confess of their own will."

"Is Veritaserum completely reliable?"

"not one hundred percent. I thought you did not want him killed?"

"I don't know what I want" she said heavily. "not concerning him anyway."

"you need to decide."

"I know, just not now, I don't want to think about him. I don't want to go back in there to talk about him, I don't want any of this tonight."

"hush, my love" he put his arm around her as her voice wavered. "we don't have to stay here, we can go."

She shook her head, "Albus needs us."

"he can do without."

"why don't you go back? I'll wait in the hospital wing."

"I'm not going anywhere without you" he said firmly.

She smiled, so glad he had refused. "kiss me" she said softly, and so he did, very lovingly on her lips. The door behind them opened and Severus turned around.

"It's Remus" he muttered nodding politely at him. He walked slowly down the steps and perched himself just below them.

"Serena?" he said quietly.

"Remus?" she reached out carefully and found his cloak, moving her hand up the side of his face and to his soft mop of her hair. He took her hand and grasped it in his caringly.

"how are you Serena?"

"I… I'm okay" she said quietly.

"can I sit with you?"

"yes, of course."

"Severus, Albus wonders if you will join him again. I can stay here with you Serena, if you want?"

Serena nodded, "do that Severus, Albus needs you."

"are you sure?" he said searching her face.

"I'm sure."

He kissed her head and stood up, thanking Remus and walking back into the office.

Remus moved up and sat next to her. She reached out and put her hand on his knee so she knew where he was.

"what's happening in there?"

"oh, fudge is embarrassing himself, the usual" Remus said smiling slightly. His eyes were moving over Serena, and he was glad she could not see him staring at her. She almost looked like a ghost- she was white and her eyes were a pearly grey. It was such a shock to see them like that- she'd always had such warm eyes. Albus had told him what she had been through and he did not know how she could be so strong.

"have you ever known a case where someone went blind because of dark magic" she asked him quietly.

He shook his head but then realised it was lost on her. "no, I'm sorry."

She nodded heavily, "they're sending me for tests tomorrow, at St Mungo's I think."

"perhaps they can find a cure."

"perhaps" she said quietly, praying with all her might that they would.

"do you believe in god, Remus?"

He was taken aback by the question. "I… believe in something, I guess."

She nodded. "cling onto it," she said quietly, "let it fill you up."

"with hope?"

"Is hope worth the risk? If we have hope it can be shattered with disappointment. If you don't expect anything then you can't be let down."

"I think it's worth it" he said, thinking of the happiness he had found with friends and Sirius.

"me too" she said smiling slightly, thinking of Severus. "it's dangerous though."

"so is love. But you definitely overcame that fear," he smiled.

"what do you mean?" she said, turning her head to him.

"I have never seen anyone so… secure… with someone else."

She smiled too, "I still can't comprehend how lucky I am."

He chuckled. "I admit it was a bit of a shock."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you Remus… we were going to wait until the end of the war, we figured it'd be risky having it out in the open. If the dark lord knew about me… he'd either kill me or make Severus kill me…"

"I understand," he murmured.

"come on, let's go back in, see how much I can piss fudge off."

He smiled and linked her hand through his arm before leading her back into the office.

She felt eyes on her again and Remus led her to sit by Severus who took her hand.

"yes Albus, I agree, but that is not the point" the minister was saying heatedly.

"Cornelius, we have already agreed more entry examinations are necessary."

"I'm not doubting that Albus, but the point is why was it not noticed when he was in the school! He has been hiding here for almost a whole year!"

"are you trying to point blame with us Cornelius?"

"of course I am! How could you not notice a death eater in your staff!"

"why would we!" Minerva interrupted. "he was a friend of many people here, why would you doubt him if you had no reason to?"

"but obviously there is reason!"

"which was obviously not evident at the time" Severus said in a threatening voice.

"well why not?" Fudge said, slightly flustered at Severus' tone.

"the day we start fighting amongst ourselves is the day the dark lord wins" Serena said quietly. "if we doubt every friend we have and refuse to trust anyone then it's going to be pretty hard for us to win this war."

"Serena's right" Sirius said, watching her. "we can't point blame to anyone apart from Voldemort."

Serena felt Severus flinch slightly at the dark lord's name, but he made no other recognition that he had heard it.

She squeezed his hand, wishing she could see him. This darkness surrounded her was scaring her. She was unaware of everything- what if she could never see again- she would probably be attacked the first chance a death eater got. And how would she get around and do things and find a job? Of course she couldn't be a teacher any more. And Severus… how would he feel having a blind girlfriend? What if it got too much for him- what if he left her? Serena had to bite her lip to stop herself from crying. She took a deep breath in- she had to be strong, she would not show weakness in front of all these people.

She winced as a shot of pain shot through her. Poppy had explained it would continue for a while- her muscles would need time to recover and her empathic skills had not helped. Severus noticed her flinch and wince of pain, and saw from her face she was trying to hide it. He gritted his teeth- he hated seeing her like this, damn it, why hadn't he stopped Crouch before her. Why hadn't he listened to her? it was as good as his fault.

He looked out into the night- it had gone dark –they had been there over two hours now. He wanted to take Serena away and back to the hospital wing, but he thought she might want to be listening to this conversation. She needed to know what would happen to him, and his best chance of conviction and a death penalty would be if she had a strong case.

He looked sideways at her- she was gazing blankly at the space above Albus' right shoulder, her eyes a pale, empty grey. They looked cold and Severus had to look away from them. They were not the eyes he knew, they were not the warm, inviting, sparkling eyes he knew how to read so well. This grey conveyed… loss... isolation… she looked like an empty shell. He cursed himself for having these thoughts- she was still Serena, of course she was, and he loved her, more than ever. He would protect her from now on- he had to prove to her he could look after her. And he would get her beautiful gaze back- he vowed it. He had read more than enough dark arts books to know about this type of curse. He thought there was a way it could be dissolved- if the caster of the spell died. Severus vowed he would be the one to do it.

He switched his attention back to the conversation that was now about court times. "we should be there two hours early," Remus said. "just in case there are any developments."

"which courtroom?" Minerva asked.

"We're using Courtroom Seventeen, the biggest we have. The whole of the Wizengamot shall be present." The minister replied.

"will I have to say anything?" Serena asked quietly, still looking at the space next to Albus.

"you'll be called up as a witness," she heard Stuart say. "you won't be asked to retell the entire story, Albus has already written a statement for you, but they can ask other questions."

"you don't have to answer them if you don't want to" Severus said quickly, "but it is advised that you should try and answer as many as possible in as much detail as possible. We can't let him get away with this," he glared.

"what happens if he doesn't get… the Dementor's kiss?" Serena asked the room.

"he'll get chucked into Azkaban for life, but the Dark Lord's followers plan to break into Azkaban as soon as Voldemort rises to power, so he'll be out in a matter of months" Sirius said in a disgusted voice. "and then-"

"I'll kill him" Severus spat before he could stop himself.

"not if I kill him first" Sirius growled, shooting a wicked smile at Severus, for whom his respect had just risen.

"now listen here!" the minister cried, "this is preposterous! No one will break into Azkaban! We have dementors swarming the place, the security is too high!"

"Don't be so naïve minister" Remus said in an annoyed tone. "he'll be out in no time."

"and dead in even less" Sirius said, his smile twisted.

"no one's killing him!" Serena cried, turning to the room, letting go of Severus' hand for a split second.

"he's not getting out of here alive Serena" she heard Sirius say angrily.

"I'm not letting him get away with it!" Severus growled. "It'll make me feel better anyway."

"but it won't!" she cried, "you can't kill him- you'll just be giving him mercy!"

"Serena" Severus said, his voice almost threatening, "he does not have an ounce of regret, an ounce of feeling, he won't suffer if he escapes- he'll be perfectly happy sitting at the Dark Lord's side."

"then let the Dementor's have him" she said with tears in her eyes. "I don't want you guys to kill because of him… I…I don't want your soul…"

She heard a scrape of a chair and felt Severus' hand around her. She leant into his shoulder, shutting her eyes. She felt gazes on her, but she tried to ignore them and concentrate on not crying.

"let's go back to what happens at court" Minerva said quietly, looking away from Serena and Severus, feeling they deserved some privacy. "Serena will need to be on the dock at some point, as will Albus and you Stuart. Will someone from Azkaban need to be involved?"

"it's probable" Albus said heavily, turning his gaze away from Severus who was stroking Serena's hair. She was clutching onto his arm, her eyes closed, just trying to gain some safety. "Severus, Serena, I think that will be all for tonight," he said quietly.

Severus nodded and helped Serena up, guiding her to the door.

"goodnight gentlemen, Minerva" he said, before guiding her out and shutting the door behind them.

"Serena are you alright?" he asked as he led her down the stairs.

"of course I am Severus" she replied quietly, "I am with you."

* * *

**A/N: **aww :D they're so cute together. i would like to say A HIPPOGRIFF SIZED THANKYOU for all the lovely reviews i've been getting. you guys make the late nights worth it. thankyou. hope you enjoyed this chappy, more soon i promise :D


	62. Chapter 61

When they reached the flights of stairs leading down from the tower, Severus lifted Serena into his arms and carried her. Her arms wrapped effortlessly around his neck and gently rubbed her head against his chest.

"are there not students about?" she murmured, keeping her useless eyes closed.

"I don't care anymore Serena… I don't care about such trivial things… You are my priority at the moment; you always will be."

She pressed her lips tightly together as she was overcome by a wave of emotion that threatened to combust. She breathed deeply and concentrated on the swaying of Severus' walking.

_She could do this- she could hold on, just a few more minutes. _

They reached the hospital wing and Severus placed Serena down gently on her bed which had the curtains drawn all the way around it. She took off her shoes and sat in the middle of the bed, her legs drawn up to her chest.

"I'll get the potion and tell Poppy you're here- I'll be two minutes, I promise you."

She nodded and felt him kiss her head. She shut her eyes and rocked back and forth, counting the seconds for his return. She felt like crying but she held back, she was strong, she had to be. She was on her hundredth second when she felt a waft of cold air as the curtain flittered.

"who's there?" she said suddenly, scrambling back onto the bed and feeling for her wand desperately.

"it's okay, it's okay, it's me, it's Severus" she heard the voice but she did not relax.

"prove it" she said, gazing wildly into the darkness. She found her wand and turned it to the direction the noise had come from.

"Serena, my love, it is I, Severus. Look, I'm going to reach out slowly and touch you wand arm, then you shall feel it is me, okay?" It almost broke his heart to see her so terrified of him.

She nodded slowly and he reached out and touched her arm. She flinched but immediately relaxed, dropping her wand. She was frozen as his love and concern overwhelmed her: how could she have been so untrusting?

"I'm sorry" she said quietly, looking deep into the darkness, the empty never ending gloom.

"It's fine, it's good you are cautious" he said quietly, sitting down on the bed next to her. He was unsure of what to do- she looked so alone and scared. He moved closer to her and stroked her hair, making comforting shushing noises.

He put the potion in her hand, "drink, it will cease some of your pain."

_But what about the pain inside?_

She drank it immediately, but she was still trying with all her might to control this tidal wave of emotion that was flowing over her.

"Severus" she murmured quietly. "will you do something for me?"

"of course."

"will you go and get Poppy and then leave me for a while?"

"I'm not going anywhere" he said suddenly, moving closer towards her.

"Severus, do as I say please."

"do you no longer wish for my company?" he said, an edge to his voice. His mind was running through all the motives she could have.

"Severus, please" she whispered. "I… I'm going to break down, I can't control this for much longer, and I need you to go."

"I'm here for you Serena, I'm not going to leave you."

_Please!_

"Poppy!" she cried, her voice raised.

"Serena!" Severus growled, "what's the matter, tell me what's wrong!"

"what's going on?" Poppy's voice said uncertainly, as she walked through the curtain.

"Nothing Poppy-" Severus tried to say but Serena spoke over him.

"Poppy, please take Severus out of here" she said quickly, she could felt he lump in her throat rising.

"Serena, but why?"

"just, please, Poppy, please" she pleaded, her voice getting higher.

"Serena listen to me" Severus said urgently. "I'm here for you, you're not going to break down, and if you are what is there to hide from me?"

"Severus I don't want you to see me like this, please, please go…"

"I don't care how I see you! I am here for you!"

"Poppy-"

"Severus, Serena wants you to leave" Poppy said, making a decision to honour her wishes.

"Poppy don't be-" Severus stopped as Poppy turned his wand on him. "leave Severus, I shall find you when you can return."

"I'm sorry Severus" Serena whispered, tears in her eyes. "I'm so sorry."

"Serena, don't do this my love…"

She shook her head, biting her lip. "I don't want you to see me when I'm weak…"

Severus was shocked by her motivation, how could it make any difference to how he felt! He did not care if she looked weak! He just wanted to help her.

"Severus, don't make this difficult" Poppy warned.

"Serena, let me protect you" he said trying to avoid Poppy's wand.

She shook her head, and he had one last glimpse of her shaking, crying body before Poppy used a spell to make him back out from the curtain. She pushed him back from the bed and then cast a ward around the perimeter, drawing the curtains and casting a silencing charm, giving one last grimace to the stricken, heart broken Severus.

Serena was crying her eyes out, shaking and hurting. She had no control, she had to let it go, she could not keep strong and bottle everything up any longer.

"Poppy" she gasped, "tell him I'm sorry… "t-tell him I'm- I'm so sorry and- and I love him…"

_I love him so much._

Poppy nodded, almost crying herself as she tried to comfort the girl.

"let it out Serena" she said quietly, "let it out."

And Serena did. She couldn't control anything any longer- she cried, she screamed, she roared, letting all her emotions of anger and grief and pain escape. She was a complete mess, but the thing that mattered to her the most was not here, and she preferred that. She screamed until her throat was roar, she cried until her tears ran out, she shouted in such anger until her chest screeched in protest. Poppy did her best for the girl, she was glad of her blindness- Serena could not see her tears.

She just felt so angry and broken. Hadn't she suffered enough? Hadn't she been through more than a lifetime's worth of miseries? Why was she being punished so brutally!

The way she had felt when Moody had forced her to give him her body…

The curses she could take, the shouting she could take, the pain she could take, but her body… her innocence- the most intimate part of her had been ruined, destroyed, spoilt. God- how could Severus even look at her knowing the last person she'd been with was Moody. She leant over the side of the bed and threw up violently, her stomach lurching and curling in on itself as she retched emptily over and over again.

Poppy hushed her and held her hair back until she was finished.

And it wasn't even Moody, she thought. It was some unknown stranger, some man seeking vengeance, and even though she knew Crouch and had seen his image- she still held the figure of Moody in her memories... his being was corrupted too.

"I'll get you some water, I'll be right back" Poppy said when Serena had stopped crying, almost two hours later.

She took one last look at the crumpled, broken young girl whose soul had be ripped apart, before drying her tears and stepping from the closed curtain. Severus was pacing back and to angrily, his wand in his hand, almost everything in the ward had been cursed by him.

He froze when he saw Poppy then ran over to her, "what's going on Poppy, how is she?"

"Serena is…having a mental break down. She has bottled up her emotions and now she has let them go. Severus, she is doing what is healthy for her mind, you must let her-"

"I am letting her! What I don't understand Poppy is why I am on the other side of this fucking curtain!" he shouted, enraged.

"Severus, calm yourself! I understand this is extremely difficult for you, but-"

"extremely difficult? Extremely fucking- My fiancée is in there- broken and reduced and I'm not allowed to be in the same fucking room as her, to comfort her, to make sure she's-"

"she does not want you to see her like that!" she cried. "Severus, she loves you, she doesn't want you to see her so vulnerable!"

"it's ridiculous!" he cried, out of control.

"it is her mind. Her body."

"It's mine too!" he shouted. "I- She's… she's mine Poppy," he finished, upset overwhelming him. "she's mine and she doesn't want me to-" Severus had to stop, his voice caught on the tears brewing. He swallowed and turned away from Poppy. He felt her hand on his arm.

"she told me to tell you something" she said quietly, looking at Severus' stricken face that had turned suddenly back to her. "she said she's sorry, and that she loves you."

Severus pressed a hand to the corners of his eyes, trying not to cry.

"please let me see her" he almost whispered.

She shook her head, dabbing her eyes. "give her some time Severus. Take some time yourself."

She conjured a glass and some water and slipped back through the curtain. Severus sat down heavily on the bed. She said she loved him… but how could she torment him so with this waiting? But… this was her moment to stop being strong, to stop thinking of him and other people, and to think of herself, and to heal herself and to come to terms with what has happened to her… The memories she had of that night would never fade, and his imaginations would never fade, and they were both horrific.

He waited half an hour more, before Poppy emerged again. She walked without a word into her office, and shut the door behind her. Severus stood up, looking towards the curtain that flickered briefly, before opening slightly. Serena was standing there, her eyes blank, her face red and tear stained, yet calm. She had a nervous expression on her face, she clutched to the curtain for strength as she gazed into the darkness again, hoping to feel something. Severus' eyes moved over her frightened stance, her trembling lip, her sweaty hand, grasping the curtain for balance and comfort.

He did not hesitate- he walked swiftly to her, wrapping his arms around her, lifting her into his arms, ignoring her gasp, just holding her to him, cradling her almost like a child. As soon as she felt it was him she put her arms up around his neck loosely, breathing in his smell deeply and wrapping her legs around his waist.

"don't do that to me ever again" he said softly, but with real emotion in his voice. He buried his face in her sweet smelling hair. He held her for long minutes and she kept her eyes shut, her head on his shoulder, her legs clinging to his waist, listening to his soothing voice, promising her it was all going to be okay.

After some time, he carried her through to the bed, which he climbed on himself, leaning back against the pillow. She lay on top of him, her head on his chest, rising and falling with his slow breath.

They did not speak another word until morning.

* * *

**A/N: phew. that was hard work. **

**sorry it's a bit shorter than the previous few. **

**Thankyou so much for all your wonderful reviews! I love you guys so much! **

**So tell me what you think of Serena's breakdown... xxxxx**


	63. Chapter 62

"Severus" Serena whispered, sliding off his warm body onto the bed next to him. "Severus?"

The body stirred and she felt his hand stroking her cheek. She shut her eyes at his touch. He sat up to face her. The hospital wing was quiet and through a curtain that had been pulled across by Poppy in the night he could see it was dark in the ward and her face was in shadow before him.

There was silence between them for a while, and Serena played with his hand, trailing her fingers through his. After a while she looked up and opened her mouth, as though she was going to say something, but then hesitated. She shut her eyes and breathed in deeply.

"I'm sorry, for last night."

Severus remained silent, wondering if she would continue.

"I… I told you once, that you'd never seen me bad… really bad… and I wanted to keep that true…I… I had to get everything out of my system. I've been trying to keep myself together for everyone, and for you, but in the end I had to confront it, and I didn't want you to see me so… weak and out of control because I know you'd never forget seeing me like that, and that's not what I want you to see when you look at me. So I'm sorry… but you have to understand me."

"Serena" he said quietly, pressing her hand to his mouth for a tender kiss. "you… you don't have to hide from me… I know you. I don't want you to have to be strong for me, I don't want you to be afraid of showing your emotions, be it fear or pain or anger. You need to let me see you."

"I… I just, I'm frightened that if I show everything, if I make myself vulnerable and open then… it's easier for me to fall…and the drop is further and the pain is harder and I can't deal with any more pain" she said shaking her head. "I've… I've had too much Severus" she whispered, "all my life, and this has pushed me to my breaking point and… I can't take anymore and I can't get through this without you…"

He kissed her hand again. "I'm going to make the pain go away, my love. I'm going to make it go away, I promise." He leant down and coaxed her into a gentle kiss. She let her tears fall, deciding to show herself as he had asked. "come here" he whispered, "sit with me."

She turned and sat in his lap again. She felt around and pulled his arms tightly around her body. Severus rocked forward and back, moving her body with his, giving her a pattern and a routine, which was what he thought she wanted.

"I feel safe when I'm with you" she said quietly.

Severus swallowed his emotions before he answered in a smooth, calming voice; "you are safe when you're with me."

Poppy came through a few minutes later with a pain potion for Serena.

"Serena, Severus" she said cautiously, making sure her presence was known.

Severus turned his head to see her walking around the bed. "Poppy is just in front of you" he said quietly, taking the potion and pressing it into Serena's hand.

"Poppy…" she said hoarsely. "thank you for… everything… I'm sorry about last night…"

"my dear child, don't you worry about it, it's a good thing that you can let everything go. It's healthy for the mind my dear."

"thank you… you've been like a mum to me Poppy" she smiled slightly.

Poppy beamed at her, although she knew Serena could not see her.

"Poppy, could you get me something?"

"of course me dear."

"will you get me some sunglasses? I think there's some in my office. I want to hide these eyes."

Poppy's eyes flickered to Severus, who had a pained expression on his face.

"you don't have to hide anything Serena" he murmured.

"I want to, I… I don't want it to be the first thing people notice about me… I don't want their judgement and opinion to change because I have a- a disability- or whatever you want to call it."

Severus nodded and Poppy agreed. "I'll go now, there are some clothes here for you too, I got them last night. There's also a towel here, if you wish to have a shower or a bath."

"thank you. A bath would be really great."

"I'll run one" Severus said. "come on, I'll take you now."

Poppy let Severus guide her to the private bathroom, and she went to get sunglasses. "here, sit" Severus said, conjuring a chair for Serena. She sat down and listened as Severus ran the bath.

"here, let me help you."

"it's fine, I can do it" she murmured turning slightly away from him and beginning to undo the buttons of her shirt.

She felt his hands still her fingers. "allow me, my love. please?"

She gave a slight nod and surrendered herself to him. He trailed his hands up her body caringly.

"you are so beautiful Serena" he murmured in her ear.

"do you mean that?" she whispered. "I must look a mess-"

"you look like the woman I love" he murmured, his hands caressing her arms and moving down to her bare hip bones.

"I'm scared…" she said quietly, looking down. "I'm… I'm terrified that if you see how weak I can be, and you see my stupid, useless eyes, you'll… you'll stop wanting me…"

"that's not going to happen" he growled quickly. "nothing you say, or do, or look like, or act like, or show can stop me loving you. Nothing! Be it your eyes or a death eater. I will love you forever. I am not unaffected by you, my love."

He took her small hand in his and brought it to his body so she could feel his erection through his trousers.

She blushed and a smile reached her lips. "I just thought that after what happened that… well Severus I know what a possessive man you are and how you need to stake a claim and…"

"when you are ready, my love," he whispered in her ear before kissing her softly.

A few moments later he helped her into the bath and then sat down on the floor next to it, holding her wet hand, as she had asked him to.

Serena submerged herself completely in the water, smiling. She felt much better, having rid her emotions that previous night, and having opened herself up to Severus.

When she had bathed and changed into clothes, Poppy came and gave her sunglasses. "better?" she asked Severus once she had put them on.

"they're an obstruction" he murmured. "I'll have to take them off when I want to kiss you."

She smiled as she felt him remove them, and then felt his lips on hers. He was being so gentle with her and she appreciated it.

"what are we doing today?" she asked quietly.

"We're going to St. Mungos, Albus is coming for you in about an hour. I'm going to come with you, okay?"

"okay."

"I want you to have a rest first, and something to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't care" he said in a firm voice.

He led her back to bed and she sat in the middle whilst he plumped her pillows and broke the toast Poppy had left into smaller pieces.

"open up," he murmured, sitting next to her and holding a small square just in front of her. Severus nudged the toast between her lips until she complied. She pulled a face,

"urgh that tastes disgusting, what is it?"

Severus paused and ate a piece himself. It tasted fine to him.

"it's just toast, my love, what do you taste?"

"I don't know but it makes me feel sick."

"just eat a few more pieces," he coaxed, lifting another to her face and brushing her lips with his thumb until she gently parted them. His sensual way of feeding her came to a quick end however when Serena leant over the side of the bed and threw up over the floor. Severus quickly held back her hair, rubbed circles over her lower back and murmured soothing words until she was finished and he could scourgify the room.

"I told you," she muttered before taking the glass of water Severus handed her.

"It's okay, I'll get you a vitamin infusion-"

"no please, please don't leave."

"hush, hush" he murmured, stroking her hair back and hugging her to his side. "I'll fetch it later, for now, drink a sleeping draught, for me?"

"when I'm asleep, you won't leave me?"

Severus watched her nibble on her bottom lip and he kissed her very gently. "I wouldn't leave you If someone paid me to do it. I'll be right here the whole time, I promise."

She nodded and accepted the glass Severus handed her. Within seconds she had drifted to sleep and Severus pulled the covers over her limp body before taking her small hand in his and praying with all his might she would recover.


	64. Chapter 63

"I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR QUALIFICATIONS!"

"Mr. Snape, may I call you Severus-"

"No," Severus snarled, taking another step towards the ministry official.

"It's for her own safety-"

"ARE YOU NOT FUCKING LISTENING TO ME YOU INSOLENT DUNDERHEAD." Snape stepped smartly forward, his face so close to the other man's that he could feel his breath on his cheek. He spoke through gritted teeth, knowing Albus would be angry if he cursed someone from the Ministry. "Leave. Now. Before. I. Curse. Your. Balls. Off."

"Severus what's going on?" Serena's shaky voice made him spin around in a whirl of robes.

"Serena get back into bed." He tried, really tried, to make his voice calm again but it fell short and Serena bit her lip, her face paling.

"please- if I could just speak to Serena-" The moment the official took a step forward Severus stunned him, his wand flashing from within his robes and pointing straight at the man before he could blink. He hit the wall with a sickening crack.

He walked slowly and checked the pulse of the man- he was still alive at least. He left him there for now and turned to Serena. He could see her trying to control her breathing, taking a large breath in through her nose and out through her mouth but her hands were shaking and her face was scrunched up in pain.

"Serena?" he approached her carefully and she held out her hands to stop him. "wait, wait just a… minute, I can do this I can…" Her eyes were squeezed tight and her chest was rising and falling quickly, too quickly, she was hyperventilating and by the time Severus reached her she nearly collapsed on him. He supported her and quickly sat on the bed, pulling her into his arms and rubbing circles on her lower back. "Serena, calm down, you need to be calm, my love."

"I- can't- breath-" she wheezed, clutching onto his robes tightly. "help- poppy- "

"it's fine babey, I'm giving you air, see…" He tilted her face up to his slightly and blew on her dry lips, encouraging her to breath in and out with him. She realised what he was doing and she tried it, taking in the air from him as though he was literally her oxygen.

"better…" she sighed a few moments later, her shoulders sagging with relief.

"not better" Severus stated suddenly. "Serena… you're weeping blood…"

He stood, frozen for a moment before her shaking finger came up to swipe the red tears from her cheek. She shut her eyes and rubbed the liquid between her finger and thumb before wiping them on her shirt and looking away.

"gone now" she murmured simply.

"Serena" Severus managed in a strained voice. "you can't hide this-"

"Then what _should_ I do Severus?" she snapped. "sit in bed all bloody day whilst the death eaters parade the castle? I'm fine, listen to me- fine. If I could just _see_ then I could be some fucking use instead of sitting here like a vegetable whilst other people put together my fucking case."

A sudden sob wracked from her chest and she covered her face with her hands as more red tears spilled from her white eyes.

"I'm so sorry" she hiccupped. "I'm just s-scared…"

His great arms enveloped around her and she clung to him tightly until she had stopped crying. He tried not to notice the blood stain on the front of his robes.

"Shhh Serena. We'll get you to St. Mungo's this morning and they can give us a clearer picture. You're going to be fine." He looked over her head to the nurse who had just scurried from her office, her wand drawn. "Poppy, could summon somebody to escort the body off the grounds."

She shrieked and covered her mouth dramatically when she saw the limp ministry official and Severus rolled his eyes at her whilst snapping in his 'teacher tone'; "dear Merlin he's still alive stop over reacting."

He walked slowly with Serena over to her bed, his scowl softening as she climbed into his lap and rested her head in the crook between his shoulder and neck, her soft hair rubbing against his own adoringly.

An auror arrived shortly after to remove the body after telling Poppy "we'll be investigating these circumstances." Severus did not bother seeing him; he stayed where he was needed most until Albus arrived.

"I see you disposed of the ministry protection rather efficiently Severus."

"Ministry protection?" he spat. "I wouldn't trust the ministry to protect my pewter cauldrons never mind my life."

"were they not here for Serena? Ah…" Albus inclined his head, "that is what you meant."

Severus jerked his head in a non committal way and stroked Serena's hair absentmindedly. "are we leaving now?"

"Serena, you are due at the hospital now however Severus, the Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement would like to meet with you this morning, if it is agreeable, what with your position and knowledge of Lord Voldemort."

Serena felt severus tense as he heard the name and she put her hand on his arm to relax him.

"I'm not leaving Serena" Severus said firmly. "not if she doesn't want me to."

"Sev it's fine… I'll be fine."

"Actually" Albus said quickly, "Sirius was wondering if he might take you?"

"there," Serena smiled, "I'll be fine with Sirius-"

"I'm not letting that dog take you anywhere!" Severus said, outraged.

"I'll give you a moment" Albus said before quickly turning and going to speak to Poppy.

"Severus" Serena said quietly and firmly, turning her face up to his. Severus looked down, but all he saw were her sunglasses she had replaced, instead of the eyes he was expecting. "Severus, I'll be safe with Sirius, I'm going to be fine, you can't baby-sit me forever."

"I wasn't aware that was what I was doing" Severus said coldly.

"I didn't mean- what I meant was… you've got to trust me. I'm going to be in St. Mungos, with a friend-"

"more than just a friend," he glared.

There was a pause.

"I'm sorry" he said in her ear quietly. "That was out of order."

Serena nodded slightly, still not looking at him.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you, especially after I promised you I wouldn't let anything hurt you, never mind me." He cupped her face in his hand and she turned her head to him.

"trust me Severus," she said quietly.

"I do, my love, I do. It's him I don't trust."

"then trust my judgement, please?"

"okay" he said defeated. "I do, I just… I don't want to let you out of my sight, I know it's ridiculous but-"

"it's not ridiculous" she said smiling slightly. "I like it, most of the time."

He brushed her lips with his and she kissed him tenderly.

"go and see this guy, then come to the hospital when you're done."

"I'm just a patronus away."

She nodded and shifted in his lap, trying to find his lips again. He kissed her and then gave her a hug, pulling her body tight to his before walking off to find Albus.


	65. Chapter 64

"Serena?" a voice said close to her and then she jumped as she felt a hand on her arm. She instinctively moved away, feeling frightened but the voice hushed her, keeping his hand on her arm so she could feel who it was.

She relaxed when she felt his emotions; sympathy, concern, anger, and a real caring streak.

"Sirius?"

"it's me, I'm right in front of you, here." He took her hand gently and knelt down in front of her, putting her palm on the side of his face. She felt his face and then smiled sadly.

"I'm sorry."

"it's fine Serena" he said in a cheerful voice, whilst his expression was one of great concern; she was so thin and she looked pale and fragile. She was wearing sunglasses and he could not see her eyes. He took her hand in his gently. "are you ready?"

"sure" she smiled, feeling secure with Sirius. She trusted him.

"how are you Sirius?" she asked him as they walked through the castle together.

"surely it should be me, rather than you. You're the one who's been out for eight days…"

"I'm about to spend the entire day talking about me, I'd rather diversify my conversation" she smiled slightly, "plus, I do actually want to know the answer."

"I'm fine" he smiled. "worried about you, but fine."

"stop worrying" she sighed, "I'm always alright."

"you shouldn't have to be though" he said quietly. "you shouldn't have to go through this stuff."

"no one should" she grimaced, "but there's nothing we can do about that. Sirius, how do I look?" she added. "and don't lie- I can't ask Severus because he'll lie, Poppy will gimme some medical breakdown and Albus wouldn't know where to begin, so will you tell me the truth? Please?"

Sirius looked at her carefully.

"you… you look odd wearing sunglasses indoors, but once we're outside it's fine, and also I think the sunglasses are better than the eyes- because if people see you're blind then their judgement becomes clouded."

"that's what I said," she sighed.

"also… you look really thin, like you haven't eaten in weeks. And you just seem kind of… shaky and fragile, but your face says determination. And besides all that, underneath it you look… beautiful, as always."

Serena smiled slightly.

"why though Serena? Why Snape?" Sirius couldn't keep his curiosity in any longer.

"I wondered when this question would come," she smiled. "I love him Sirius, more than anything. He makes me feel safe, and happy, and I belong with him."

"but… he's so miserable and arrogant and-"

"sarcastic and moody and rude and angry and stubborn?" she cut him off smiling again. "yes, he's all those things, but he also respects me and loves me and cares for me and protects me and when I'm with him I feel like we're the only thing that matters."

Sirius sighed, "since when..?"

"pretty much the same time you got with Remus."

"wow."

"I was at his house… we're er… we're engaged." She smiled widely, and pulled the silver ring from the chain around her neck.

Sirius scowled at the image of them in his head and at the news, but he knew he had to accept it.

"I'm not happy about it, you know that?"

"I wouldn't expect anything else" she smiled.

"but… I have also seen him, this past week, and it is clear to me that… that he will look after you and he loves you. I guess, that's good enough for me."

Serena beamed, "Oh Sirius, that means so much to me!" she put her arms around his waist, hugging him. He stopped walking and hugged her tightly.

"I'm so glad you're okay."

"me too" she smiled.

"I don't think I've ever been so worried in my damn life."

"come on you softy" she smiled. "let's not be late."

He took her by the arm gently and disapparated with her to London.

Serena waited nervously for the healer to come- she had been told to take her sunglasses off and had been given eye drops to make her pupils dilate. She winced as her eyes stung and Sirius squeezed her hand. "okay?"

She nodded, grimacing. Sirius was glad she could not see the stares people were giving her. He glared at the people but they continued whispering.

"Miss Lake" a plump healer of about thirty said approaching them.

"Serena there's a healer here, she's just in front of you."

Sirius shook his head quickly as the healer went to reach out. She withdrew her hand frowning but then put on her fake smiled and began again, leading them through to a room. "so, I've been told all about your case, I need to get a few blood samples and tests, shall we begin?"

Serena nodded and Sirius guided her by the arm through to a private room.

Serena endured test after test, question after question for hours. Sirius stayed with her when he could, watching her face carefully as she would wince or jump suddenly, and then try to hide the pain she was feeling. She still jumped every time a healer touched her, biting her lip to stop herself from crying out in fear. Sirius calmed her down, scowling at the healers who did not warn her first. After three hours Serena was getting more and more anxious. Where was Severus? And why was she still here! They wouldn't tell her anything except 'the test was inconclusive' and she was getting damn fed up of it.

"can I –ow- have a drink please?" she asked, gasping as someone stuck a needle in her arm.

"do you mind warning her!" Sirius growled, also fed up of their rudeness.

"I apologise, but fluid might interfere with the test results" the middle-aged healer replied in a monotonous voice.

Sirius scowled again and squeezed Serena's hand. "don't worry babes, it won't be long…"

"what time is it?" she sighed, shutting her eyes, not that it made any difference.

"one o' clock."

At that moment the door opened and Serena heard quiet footsteps approach her, her eyes moved wildly trying to see movement and she moved back automatically, but stopped when she recognised the voice.

"Serena?"

She relaxed and reached her arms out blindly towards his voice. Sirius dropped her hand and watched as Snape pulled her into a gentle hug. He whispered something in her ear and Serena smiled slightly, her face seeming to light up.

"I'll be right back baby" he murmured, before walking out to talk to the healer. He nodded to Sirius, who in return inclined his head, as a sign of respect.

"what's going on, why is it taking so long?" Severus said, manipulating his voice to give it sharpness, with a hint of threat.

"we're not finding anything conclusive" the short, bald healer squeaked.

"then why is she still here?"

"I-We" the man faltered and then decided it would be safer to tell the truth. "she said she was taking a potion to stop involuntary-elementarial-telekinesis, it's unbelievable, remarkable, like nothing we've seen before. We figured-"

" you figured you could treat her like a guinea pig?" came the slow, well pronounced, threatening tone from Severus' livid glare.

"we were just trying to harness-"

"you disgust me" he began in a low voice, anger boiling up, anger he had to expel, anger that had been bottled up inside him. Two more healers rushed over as they saw the confrontation. "you piece of low filth. HOW DARE YOU!" he roared, drawing his wand. He had three wands drawn on him at the same time, but he was quicker than all of them, stunning them to the floor with a single curse. He heard alarm bells from reception and he stepped back into the room quickly, holding the door open. "we're leaving" he said shortly, noting Sirius' smirk of approve. Sirius took Serena's hand and he pulled her after Severus, grinning as they had to step over the three stunned bodies.

"what's going on?" Serena muttered, as she was dragged along by Sirius at a quick march.

"I believe dear Severus has lost his temper on three of the healers."

Serena grimaced, "what's he done?"

"as far as I can see he's stunned three- no- four" Sirius added, as Severus, who was marching towards the entrance in front of them, stunned a security wizard who ran towards him. As soon as they had got beyond the door, the eyes of many shocked patients and healers following them, severus turned around, to take Serena's arm, apparating with her to Hogwarts. Sirius landed with a sharp crack just after them.

"I'll go to the ministry and sort out your mess" he muttered to Snape.

"I can sort out my own mess" Severus glared.

"I know. But I think you have more worthy things to do with your time." Sirius nodded to Serena who was clutching onto Severus' arm, her eyes shut swaying slightly.

Severus nodded at Sirius, a sign of gratitude. As soon as Sirius had apparated he bent down, his face level with Serena's. "Serena, my love?"

Her eyes flickered open, white and ghostly. "Severus?" she said softly.

"what's wrong my love?"

"nothing I just… there's nothing they can do is there?" she whispered.

"we're going to make this right baby, I promise" he murmured, shutting his eyes himself, and pulling Serena to him for a hug. She inhaled his scent, potion and freshness all clouded together with a slight citrus smell.

"let's get you back to the castle."

He took her hand and they walked up the lawn, slower than usual for Serena.

"where are we going?"

"I want you to have a rest."

"okay. Are you in trouble?"

"not if I can help it."

It was the morning of the trial and Severus already knew something was wrong. The Potter boy had been to see Albus, complaining his stupid scar was hurting. Severus had sneered and put it down to nerves- the final Triwizard tournament was that evening- yet he knew all was not well. His Dark Mark was twinging. At first he thought it was his arm, as he had carried Serena to the hospital wing the previous night, but after a slight burning started in the night, he was thinking of other theories.

Soon.

The Dark Lord would rise to power soon.

Serena had felt his concern and, he hated to admit it, a fraction of fear, regret and shame. He was going to ruin Severus' life… again… and it was his own fault.

He helped Serena dress for the Ministry in simple jeans and a jumper: she had requested to be behind a glamour screen so that Crouch could not see her.

"just remember," he murmured in her ear before they apparated. "you did nothing wrong."

She nodded and braced herself as he took her elbow gently and apparated them. The first thing she heard was the shrill shout of "there she is!" before tens of camera sounds erupted around her. She heard Severus swear and then urge her to walk forward. He pushed past people and cleared a space for her, practically shoving her through the courtroom door and slamming the door behind them. "They told me the press had limited access" he growled.

"Mr. Snape, the press have rights-"

"get out of my way" he snapped, pushing the official aside and puling Serena by the wrist through another door and up a set of stairs. He finally pushed her onto a stool and relaxed his grip on her wrist. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "I adore you with my heart Serena, but there are times and places I cannot show it."

"I understand my love, don't worry. Why can you speak now? Where are we?"

"we are in the viewing room. It is just you and I for the moment but they told me they are sending a court official up. There is also a security wizard outside the door."

"oh," was all she managed before going back to chewing on her bottom lip.

He drew up a chair next to her and was about to take her hand when the official walked in and shut the door of the small room behind them. Severus looked through the spelled glass into the courtroom. It was full. He saw Albus and Black on the witness bench.

An official stood and began reciting the objectives of the trial before they brought out the accused. Barty Crouch junior looked disgusting. He was frothing at the mouth as two dementors brought him out and cuffed him into a metal chair Severus had once occupied, many years ago. He shivered at the memory, but locked away his feelings; he had to concentrate on the trial for now.

Five minutes later, Albus stood and read the statement he had written for Serena, describing everything that happened. She cried silently next to him and he longed to take her hand yet he knew he could not. If the outside world knew about their relationship it would not be safe for her. He was not stupid- he knew that word would soon escape, but he could not dwell on that now.

"We call the victim to the witness box."

The ministry official spoke: "Miss Lake, that's you, just speak normally and your voice will be amplified."

"Are you Serena Venus Lake?"

"I am," she said in a shaky voice.

"Can you state your present address?"

"Hogwarts School."

"And can you verify that the statement read was the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?"

"I can."

"Then the case is clear," he spoke to the room. "Can you describe to me the Mark on the left arm of Mr. Crouch, still visible even after the effects of Polyjuice Potion had taken place?"

"It was a coiled snake with a skull at the top…"

"And what impression did this give you?"

"That he was a Death Eater."

"Objection!" cried a man from inside the court. "A Dark Mark does not give proof of commitment to You- Know- Who!"

A sudden, low, calm voice slithered through the courtroom and evoked fear into Serena's heart. "The Dark Lord will rise again and you shall bow down to him and his faithful followers."

Every head turned towards the thin man in the box as Serena leaped back from her chair as though burnt. As the Ministry official pressed his nose up against the glass, Severus stepped back and drew Serena into his arms as she sobbed hysterically, gasping, "it's him, it's really him."

Within thirty seconds, Barty Crouch Junior was being dragged away by the dementors to have his black soul torn from him.


	66. Chapter 65

Severus sat on his hard, wooden chair, his face stern, his eyes alert and his heart soft as he held smaller, warmer, hands in his own.

Remus, Sirius, Poppy and Albus stood around them and shuffled nervously whilst talking in hushed voices.

_It should have worked by now. _

_He should be dead by now. _

_She should have been able to see by now. _

"anything Serena? at all?"

Serena went to open her mouth to answer and then froze. She blinked rapidly as Severus moved even closer to her face, staring into her eyes that were slowly becoming browner with every open and close..

Her face slowly broke out into a smile and her eyes shone with tears for a moment.

"you look terrible" she murmured quietly as Severus' shoulders sagged with relief and Remus and Sirius enveloped her in hugs and kisses. Severus sat back and watched as she smiled bravely at them and endured Poppy's medical examination.

They stayed only ten minutes, yet for Severus it was too long, he wanted to hold her, he wanted to gaze into the brown eyes he thought he'd lost forever, he wanted her to tell him she loved him yet with the claustrophobia of people and chatter he had been forced to wait.

When they had finally left them alone he didn't know what to say. They stared at each other for long moments before she took a timid step forward, followed by another, and another until she was finally in his arms.

He held her tight to him, rocking back and forth slightly as he breathed in and out deeply, willing his emotions to stay calm.

When she finally pulled back slightly his throat was sore and he couldn't word his love for her.

"you need a shave," she said quietly, a smile playing on her lips.

"I thought I had more pressing things to do with my time."

"I… I'm so happy I can see you again…"

"I love you" he blurted out suddenly, feeling his cheeks tinge with pink at the lameness of that comment.

"I love you, as well," she said before kissing him lightly on the lips and resting her head against his chest.

They were interrupted by a soft cough.

"I thought you'd gone" Severus muttered to Albus who was beaming at them.

"Alas, no," he smiled infuriatingly. "I need your council, Severus, the final task is less than three hours away, Serena you may come as well; another pair of hands would be welcomed."

Severus' fists clenched tightly, but a small caress on his arm made him calm. "will you at least give us ten minutes privacy?" he said in the most civil voice he could muster.

"of course, I expect you at my office." Albus strode away from them and Severus scowled after him before pulling Serena behind the curtains of her room. He drew her to him and kissed her slowly in the soft light, mouths open, eyes closed and hands moving so slowly over the cotton of her shirt.

"I must look a state" she breathed against his lips as she gazed into his heated dark eyes.

"you look beautiful, you are beautiful…"

She smiled slightly but drew her wand and cast a charm on the stone, transfiguring it into a sheet of reflective glass.

She made a small exclamation when she saw herself and her eyes grew wide. Severus walked up behind her and looked at her face too. Her cheeks were hollow, the bones more prominent and her skin pasty, yet to him she looked beautiful. He kissed her neck and brushed her hair back with his hand, watching her in the mirror as she shut her eyes and leant back into him, her arms reaching up and circling the back of his neck. He lifted the bottom of her shirt and pulled it over her head, kissing down to the valley of her round breasts, his hair tickling her skin until she gasped and pushed him away forcefully.

"what- wh- why…" Serena trailed off as she stared at her half naked body in the mirror. She was open mouthed, her eyes were wide and her expression horrified as her shaking fingertips trailed over the two ugly scars scraping across her stomach.

Severus froze. He had forgotten. Why would he remember- they meant nothing to him, he was only regretful that he could not have healed them faster to avoid the distress she was experiencing presently.

"you are beautiful" he said quietly, brushing a lock of hair across her bare shoulder. She shivered at his touch.

"they're disgusting" she whispered fearfully. "I'm disgusting… how can you touch me knowing…" She made a small movement as though she was going to be sick but then turned back to the mirror, transfixed by the lines across her flawless skin.

"you have seen _my_ body, have you not?" Severus tried. "you have seen _my_ scars? You think them disgusting?"

"Of course not!" she cried, spinning around to face him. "they show your past! they tell me how brave you are! What you fought for! How much you had to- and still are- paying for the wizarding population! These- these- _things _are not the same! They show you I was raped! They show you I was too weak to fight him off- too- too-"

She slid to the floor, clutching her knees and rocking back and forth like a small child. Severus sat behind her, folding his arms and legs around her so she was completely enveloped by him. He stroked her hair, hushing and soothing her before his hands moved down her shoulders and arms and finally across her stomach. She stiffened and looked up at him through the mirror opposite. She pleaded with her eyes for him to stop, for him to leave, to stop her humiliation, but his hands did not still. He rubbed her stomach softly before tracing the lines with his fingertips and lowering his lips to her ear.

"these lines show me how brave _you_ were… they show me your past… the things you have had to fight through… they tell me how proud I am of you for pulling through this… and that no matter how you look, I still love you. I _forgot_ about them, Serena, when you conjured the mirror, when you could see, I didn't think twice about it because they are not important to me. These scars are beautiful. Your stomach is beautiful, your body is beautiful, your heart is beautiful, your eyes… your eyes undo me with every gaze… Don't worry about a mark on your body, because I certainly don't, my love…"

With his words she turned in his arms and pressed her lips to his desperately, her velvet tongue moving against his, entwining, twirling, joining in a way they both wanted, except they wanted _more._

"not now," Severus murmured regretfully as Serena's fingers found his belt buckle. "not here, we're going to do this properly, like our first, you remember?"

"how could I forget," she smiled, running her hands through his hair and down into the stubble on his face.

She stood up and threw her shirt on, vanishing the mirror without a backwards glance. That small smile played on his lips and her eyes shone with love as he took her hand and led her from the hospital wing.

Albus paced up and down his crowded office angrily. After a small chat with Severus he had called everyone in- they were preparing for everything. The ministry had reluctantly sent aurors and officials and many members of the Order were among them. Severus had been called up to patrol part of the maze along with three other professors, Sirius and several aurors. Serena was to stay with Remus and Albus near the entrance to the maze. Security was high.

"I am warning you _Lupin_. If anything happens to her on your watch I am going to make your life a _fucking hellhole_."

"Severus, I admire your concern, but really, she's fine with me and Albus."

Snape merely grunted in response before striding out of the empty classroom he had dragged the werewolf into.

"Serena!" he barked, jerking his head. She made her apologies to Sirius before hurrying over to him.

"I'm not a dog, you know," she muttered under her breath.

Severus merely glared at her as though she were a first year. "you stay with Albus and Lupin at all times, you hear? Something is going to happen tonight. Something is going to go wrong… I can feel it…"

She stepped closer and lowered her voice; her brown eyes gazed at him with concern. "is it your mark?"

Severus stiffened and gave a curt nod.

She glanced around the corridor full of aurors before giving his arm a quick squeeze. "I want you to look after yourself too."

He grunted again before striding off to interrogate Filius on monitoring the Dark Arts.

Serena sighed as she watched his black cloak flaring behind him.

* * *

**A/N: hey guys. need to apologise for being so slow updating recently! hectic week i'm telling you. i'm using this story to do nanowrimo this year so hopefully the updates will be bigger and better! technically i'm supposed to do 1666 words a day so i'm trying it, but somedays it mght just not do any and then do like 5000 on the weekend lol. **

**let me know what you're thinking so far, hopefully this moody thing will be resolved soon... although what happens in the final task ?[as if you don't know already!] xxx**


	67. Chapter 66

"HE'S DISSAPEARED!" Severus repeated for the third time. "The wards are still up but he has simply vanished! Get out of my way you imbecile, I need to patronus the headmaster."

Severus pushed aside the dumbstruck auror and began running back towards the entrance of the maze. "Dumbledore, Potter and another boy have gone off site, the cup must have been a blasted portkey." Severus waved his wand and let his silver doe fly into the night, after taking a split second to remember what the lonely creature stood for…

Albus paced below the crowds of excited, oblivious students with his wand out, performing as many diagnostic charms as possible. Serena sat on a chair behind him, her eyes closed and all her concentration used in trying to find a clue in the maze. She was constructing the molecules of oxygen and carbon dioxide in her head the work out shapes of things around her. Remus, Sirius and Minerva- the only other three he has trusted with the news so far, also had their wands out and were scanning the crowd for signs of Dark Magic.

"there's a boy…" Serena muttered suddenly, drawing the attention of Minerva. "a boy is in the maze, he's injured- I think it's Krum!"

She gave a rough description of the area and Minerva sent a patronus to Filius who was the nearest on patrol.

At that moment Severus strode from around the corner of the maze and went straight to Albus. They spoke in quiet voices for a few moments before he turned to walk to Serena. He hadn't moved more than three steps before he froze mid stride, his eyes widening and his face paling as Serena saw the expression she had seen very little before: fear.

Fear was quickly followed by pain and then determination as he gritted his teeth and made it to the seat next to her so that he could sit with his back to the crowd and hide the painful convulsions shuddering through the forearm he clasped tightly.

* * *

The hospital wing was pandemonium.

Potter was lying in one of the beds after Albus had finally finished questioning him, and the Weasleys had migrated around him, almost hiding him from view with their ginger hair.

Most of the teachers, besides the heads of houses, were gathered there as well as the Order and student friends of the boy.

There were shouts and exclamations and wails of grief and whispered secrets but none of it was heard by Severus.

He stood in the corner, his back straight, his face unreadable and his eyes blank as he tuned out the dull, monotonous conversations around him that held no significance in his world.

The pain in his arm was reaching an unbearable peak and he feared his eyes were starting to betray him. That was why he had retreated to a corner, to stand there unnoticed and wait for the fate he knew was coming.

Except he knew he was not unnoticed.

Her eyes flickered over to him every five seconds and he knew she wanted to rush to him, wanted to comfort him, to take away his pain. He wondered what was stopping her, she was not one to be proud or embarrassed easily and she surely knew how much he needed- no- he didn't _need_ her. He wanted her. Desired her. He shook his head: where had this come from? He was a spy dammit- he could do this on his own, he couldn't afford to _need _people in his position.

But God he needed her.

As he risked another glance at her across the room her brown eyes met his black ones. She jumped like a bowtruckle threatened by diffindo. He snorted. She must have cricked her neck she had looked away so fast. She was biting her bottom lip furiously as she pretended to listen to what Bill Weasley was telling her. When their conversation was over she made her way to a hospital bed and perched on the edge of it. It was next to the one she had spent the past fortnight in, Severus noted to himself.

"Snape, did you get the portkey?"

He turned his head from Serena's lone figure to the scowling face of Sirius Black.

"yes."

"and?"

"and what Black?" his patience was thin.

"and what did you find? When was the cup turned into a portkey? How?"

"Crouch completed the charm about three weeks ago as far as I can tell. Unspeakables from the ministry are on their way as we are having this pointless discussion."

Black swore and Severus raised his eyebrows, turning his head away pointedly.

His eyes returned to Serena. She had been joined by Lupin, naturally, and he had his arm around her. The serpent inside Severus coiled angrily but he did nothing about it. It was as though his feelings and his brain were completely detached from each other. She had to be safe- he knew that, but it was not connected to his love, just his logic. His love wanted to grab her and run, to go into hiding in a different country, to be normal people with normal uncomplicated lives… but things would never be that simple. His arm hurt so much…

She was holding a hand to her head. What was wrong? Lupin was tracing his wand over her body, casting diagnostic spells but she stopped him with a wave of her hand. She was pale and Severus made an informed guess that she was feeling faint. She needed a pepper up, or a sleeping draught come to think of it. She had to be okay for him; he needed her to be okay for him.

At this point in Severus' thoughts, the hospital doors swung open and Albus entered, surrounded by aurors and a few more Weasleys. Had they multiplied? God his arm hurt. And there was the Minister himself, scurrying along behind him.

"absolutely preposterous Dumbledore! Are you imperiused?"

"We have just had this discussion Cornelius" Dumbledore turned on him, a flash of anger in his normally calm eyes. "we have reached a parting of the ways. You must act as you see fit. And I- I shall act as I see fit." *

"Insane," whispered Fudge, backing away. "mad…"*

Fudge seemed to crumple under Albus' gaze and Severus wondered how the fool could ever have been elected. "he can't be back, Dumbledore, he just can't be…"*

Severus had seen enough, he snapped, the pain overwhelming his body for a second as he marched forward and thrust his arm into the minister's face, wrenching his sleeve up and snarling.

"There," he spat. "There. The Dark Mark. Every Death Eater had the sign burnt onto them by the Dark Lord, this mark has been growing clearer all year, why do you think Karkaroff fled tonight?* We both felt the mark burn, hell I'm still fucking feeling it! So don't you use your ignorance Minister. You're a disgrace."

He stalked back into his corner, wrenching his sleeve down and staring defiantly at the short man. He turned his back to Severus and walked through the suddenly silent wing to the doors, pausing to drop the thousand galleons on Potter's bed. When the doors had shut behind him Severus' eyes found Serena's again and his heart wrenched when he saw they were full of tears.

She stood suddenly and made a step towards him but Dumbledore began speaking and she pressed her lips together tightly as she clutched onto Lupin's arm for support and gazed into Severus' eyes from across the room, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"There is work to be done," Albus began before she could move. He delegated tasks to a few of the Weasleys who disappeared, before he turned his eyes on Severus. He had that strange hollow feeling in his gut and he gritted his teeth: this was it. His time had come.

"Severus, you know what I must ask you to do."* Severus swallowed, his face not betraying the fear inside him. He searched for the warmth in the room; the only thing keeping him harnessed to sanity- her eyes, her beautiful, wet, brown eyes. Serena.

She was looking at him with such concern and worry and fear that he almost went to her, almost. He used that tiny ounce of self control not concentrated on hiding his pain, and managed to ignore his impulses. She took a step closer to him and he pleaded with his eyes for her not to make this difficult.

"if you are ready…"* Albus' voice was like an echo in the back of his mind. She was mouthing the word 'please' to him softly as she took small steps closer, tears cascading down her pale cheeks.

"if you are prepared…"

There was a split second of a pause that felt like eternity. She was just behind Albus now, her eyes red and puffy and her hair a mess and her bottom lip was bleeding from all the chewing and she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

She would get him through this.

He would live for her love.

They wouldn't be unhappy, he was sure of it.

Perhaps she was better off without him.

"I am." *

He felt his heart breaking, his arm was on fire, his eyes burnt and he wondered how much pain it would take to kill him.

End it now.

"Then good luck to you."*

Albus pierced him with those bright blue eyes but his own flickered to his right, to search for those brown orbs one last time.

He turned on his heel and swept wordlessly from the room. *

"NO!" He heard her shout but he did not stop, he had to be strong, he could not endanger her, could not give her false hope. She would move on easier, after his death, if they did not say goodbye, he was sure…

"Severus!" She was behind him now in the corridor, he heard more shouts of protest behind him and suddenly her small hand grabbed his arm and she jumped in front of his path. Her face was shining with such tears of sadness as she pleaded him not to go, to run away with her, to let someone else do it. And then she stopped.

It was as though she realised why he wouldn't say goodbye, as though she read his mind, or perhaps, felt his emotions.

She reached out with shaking hands and grasped his cold hands firmly before leaning up and whispering in his ear, her breath tickling his neck. He felt his eyes close involuntarily as he succumbed to his heart and inhaled all that was good in his life.

_Hurry back, my love. _

_

* * *

_

**A/N: if you are doing nanowrimo this year, give us a bell. my user name is laura_snape :) **

**fancy reviewing? i'll dance if you do? **


	68. Chapter 67

Severus groaned as Poppy pressed some of his own healing balm into the wounds on his back. The criss-cross lines had dissected his skin into a wrangled mess of blood and tissue. His muscles burned from the cruciatus curse and he could hear his own heartbeat pounding through his ears and aggravating his already excruciating headache.

"At least you're alive, boy," Poppy soothed, as though she were his mother. "that's all that matters, we'll just clean you up a bit for that girl of yours."

"where is she?" he managed through gritted teeth, willing himself not to verbalise his pain.

"she's at the headquarters of the Order- she's been working there for the past few days. I think it takes her mind off things. She's hardly slept and she has eaten little. You make sure you put that right when she comes. Albus has sent for her."

A knot inside Severus tightened. How was he to explain his actions before he had left? Did he really want her to see him like this? Made so vulnerable? He was beginning to understand why she'd hid her distress from him a week ago.

When Poppy had finished with his back and healed him as best she could, he took a pain potion for his head and dressed in black trousers and the loose black shirt he knew Serena loved.

As he buttoned the sleeves he heard an exclamation from the corridor, followed by fast footfalls and scuffles. She froze at the door of the hospital wing as her eyes found his and a wave of relief fell over her. She looked thin and her eyes were red and lined and he wanted to make her better.

She recovered quickly and ran to him; he stood up and scooped her into his arms, ignoring the protest from his muscles. She kissed his neck, his cheek, his lips and he was surprised to see she was not crying. She had a new look of determination and fierceness that made him proud.

Their kisses soon became frantic and passionate and her hands groped at his newly acquired shirt.

"Serena-"

"hush."

That was all he needed. He grabbed her arm and pulled her into the staff bathroom, slamming and warding the door behind them before tugging off her t shirt impatiently. Their mouths hardly parted as they struggled to let skin meet skin in their desperate need to be joined.

"Serena-" he gasped against her lips as her deft hands undid his belt buckle. "I promised it would be slow- not like this- we should- I can't-"

"I don't care," she insisted, "I need you; I want you like this, right here, right now."

That was all he needed to here.

Madam Pomfrey shot Remus a disapproving glare as he entered the ward, his eyes searching out the patient.

"where are they?"

She huffed and pointed to the door marked 'staff' behind her. "It appears they can't produce simple silencing charms."

Remus' cheeks reddened as he heard loud cries from Serena mixed in with one, deep groan by Severus and then a thud as they both hit the floor.

Remus tried to hide his smile from Poppy who obviously disapproved of such public things. They waited for a few moments before the door opened and a bed-headed Serena nervously looked out. She froze when she saw their audience and her eyes widened before she disappeared back inside and shut the door. Ten seconds later she emerged again, dragging Severus by the hand who was hiding his happiness abysmally.

Serena cleared her throat and nodded nervously to Remus and Poppy whilst Severus stood awkwardly behind her and made no move of helping the situation.

"I am here delivering a message," Remus said eventually. "Albus wants to talk to you Severus, he is at headquarters now."

Severus nodded curtly. "if you wait two minutes, Lupin, we shall leave with you."

Remus nodded and winked at Serena before joining Poppy in her office

Severus strode behind the curtain to his bed and refastened his watch and vanished the blood from his shoes before putting them on. He walked over to Serena, a gentle smile playing on his lips as he smoothed her hair down slightly and kissed her forehead.

"I need you to understand why I acted as I did before I left."

"you assumed you would not live," she said simply, her eyes shining for him. "I understand."

He sighed and pulled her into an embrace, wondering how he could be so lucky. "I have had time to think things over. It is unlikely that we will be able to hide our relationship from the Dark Lord for more than a year. When he finds out, you must be more than a plaything- you must be bound to me else he may order your death. I want to marry you Serena. As soon as possible."

"you want to marry me because of the Dark Lord?" Her voice was uneasy and she played with the engagement ring on her hand unconsciously.

"you misunderstand me. I want to marry you because I want you to be mine. I need you to be mine and only mine. I want to be your husband. I want to call you wife. The Dark Lord is merely a catalyst in this reaction."

Her face stretched out into her beautiful smile. "How soon?"

"Within the fortnight."

She laughed. "I'd better start planning then."

He chuckled deeply for a moment and hugged her gently. "I wish I could take you away and keep you safe from Him," she said suddenly, her fingertips tracing the scars on his back through his shirt. "He hurt you badly, didn't He?"

"I am recovered."

"nearly," she corrected, rubbing her cheek against his chest. "I'll make you okay."

A part of him wanted to tell her he didn't need her- and he didn't- he would recover each time without her, but he would be miserable and self loathing and would no doubt die alone. With her he had something worth living for, and he wanted more than anything for her to fix him as she had promised. So he said nothing, and answered by tightening his arms around her and inhaling her scent deeply.

"Remus will be waiting," she said eventually, pulling out of his embrace and walking out to find her friend.

Severus walked along side Serena as she chatted to Remus about his plans with a werewolf pack he was joining in hope to gather more followers against the Dark Lord.

He tuned in and out of their conversation as he thought about other, more important things. He relayed his time with the Death Eaters in his head. Six had been murdered brutally right in front of his eyes. He'd been made to assist in one death, binding the man's body and keeping his conscious whilst the Dark Lord cast curse after curse on him. The man's name was Derek Rosier, the brother of another Death Eater. Severus had known him at school.

He had felt so dirty when he had apparated to Hogwarts, blood covered, mangled and close to death. When he had made love to Serena he had worried he would somehow pass on his foulness to her. Instead he felt cleaner and purer. He knew she had felt his emotions and was waiting for a time to question him about his time away, but she had not pressured him yet. She knew he would have to go through it with Albus- and that was bad enough.

As they stepped into the dank claustrophobic hall of Grimauld Place, Serena took his hand and led him through to the kitchen where everyone was gathered. It seemed there was a meeting in progress. Many people greeted him and Molly Weasley even kissed him on the cheek before shoving a steak and kidney pie in front of him and ordering him to eat. He sat on a chair around the table and beckoned for Serena to sit next to him. He pushed the pie in front of her and handed her the spoon.

"Poppy tells me you've not been eating. I thought you promised me you'd look after yourself if I'm away?"

She shrugged. "when was the last time you ate?"

"that is not important," his eyes glittered and his voice was dangerous but she smiled and pushed it back towards him.

"how about we share?" she suggested lightly, digging her fork in and blowing on the hot pie before eating it.

He looked reluctant but the smell of good food overwhelmed him and he took the mouthful Serena had scooped for him.

There were a few people there who had not known of their relationship and they had many stares and whispers as they sat and ate together in the middle of the room. When they had finished they migrated to the back of the kitchen and stood together for a while in silence as Albus led the meeting.

"Severus, we have many things to discuss." Albus' low voice made Snape's heart sink as he followed the headmaster from the kitchen and up the narrow staircase. They went into a small room that had become Albus' office and they sat together on a sofa looking sickeningly domestic compared to the things they were discussing.

It took four hours for Severus to relay everything to Albus and to create their new plan of action. It took four hours of describing killings and Death Eaters, and when it was over Severus felt physical sick and mentally exhausted. It was two am when Albus showed him to his room on the third floor of the large house. He pushed the door open, wanting to fall straight onto his bed and never wake up, but instead he was met by a sympathetic looking Serena.

She shut the door behind him silently and led him through to their adjoining bathroom where she had run a bath full of bubbles and emitting soft relaxing smells. She turned and began unbuttoning his shirt, concentrating on each button rather than looking at his face. When she had slipped it off his arms she took a moment to kiss a new scar on his chest, and then she continued with his belt and trousers. He felt like a child, being undressed in such a way, as she pulled his black underwear down and tapped his legs to make him step out of them. He felt suddenly vulnerable, standing before her naked, but she guided him into the great bath that was so hot it almost burned him as he first sank into it. He let out a small hiss and shut his eyes, letting his body heal and relax in the soothing water.

She sat next to him out of the bath and used an enlarged mug to pour water over his hair. "close your eyes," she murmured to him softly, the first words she had said.

She began lathering a citrus shampoo into his hair, her small hands massaging his scalp and temple, calming his headache and lifting the worry line on his brow.

He thought of nothing and just let himself feel and it was one of the calmest moments of his life. She made him feel so human.

After she had applied something she called 'conditioner' she rinsed his hair and dried it with a towel.

"there is a pair of pyjama bottoms on the chair by the door and there's a toothbrush and paste by the sink. I'll wait up for you, but take your time."

She dried her hands on his towel and made to leave.

"Serena…"

She paused at the door and smiled at him. "yes, my love?"

"..thank you."

She smiled and nodded and then went into their bedroom. He relaxed for another ten minutes before the temptation to join her grew too much. He dried himself with the towel she had left and got into the cotton pyjama bottoms- black. He brushed his teeth and combed his damp hair before casting out the light with a wave of his wand and walking over to the four poster bed where her form lay.

Serena was asleep, a book in her limp hand and her hair across her face. He chuckled lightly before putting her book on the bed side table and climbing in behind her. He wrapped his body around hers, pressing a leg between her own and nestling her head under his chin before falling into his own deep slumber.

* * *

**A/N: i forgot to note that the **** from last chapter were ol' jk's awesome dialogue. **

**also, thank to 'Rachel' for reviewing so much and making me dance :D **


	69. Chapter 68

The following week was hectic and when they weren't teaching Serena and Severus were at Grimauld Place working up new plans of action. Their alone time was rare and often when Severus got to bed it was in the early hours of the morning and Serena had drifted into sleep with a bottle of pepper-up potion or a book clutched in her hand.

On the Saturday morning, an Order meeting was called and they all crammed into the kitchen at Grimauld.

"morning Snivellus," Sirius snickered as he sidled up to Severus. His wand was at Sirius' throat before he could utter another syllable.

"_watch it lapdog"_ he growled.

"hey, hey!" Remus hurried over with two glasses of wine and shaking his head frantically. "guys, please, Severus-"

"keep your dog in line Lupin or he won't be so lucky next time-"

Severus wrenched his wand away from Sirius and glared at the room.

"where's Serena?" he snapped.

"she wanted to be alone today," Remus said as though it was obvious.

"why? What do you mean? Where is she?"

"Severus," Remus lowered his voice. "it's the anniversary of Kingsley's death today."

There was a pause. Why hadn't she said? Why hadn't he known? And where was she?

"Lupin, do you know where she is?"

"I think she wanted to go to his grave and then she said something about meeting his brother?"

"tell Albus I am unavailable for this meeting." He turned on his heel and swept from the room. He wasn't sure what he was feeling. Anger was up there- he felt angry that she hadn't told him or even mentioned it. She hadn't... had she? No, she couldn't have. He felt guilty that he hadn't remembered and that she'd had to go alone to Kingsley's grave…

He gathered his black cloak about him and concentrated on the field where the funeral had been held. He turned on the spot, braced himself for the long distance apparition and experienced the strange tightening sensation around him. It took a moment to get his balance and when he did it took even longer for him to find her. He had expected a nearby graveyard or a church, but instead he really was just in the countryside. He undid the top button of his robes, feeling the July heat already, before turning towards a small clump of trees.

As he drew nearer, he saw her figure. She was sitting next to a headstone beside a tree. She was dressed in black and was twirling a cigar between her fingers as she talked seemingly to herself. He halted then- should he approach her? what if she didn't want him there?

He was saved his decision when she turned and saw him. There were tears streaked down her face, but she raised her hand and waved at him before turning back to the headstone and resuming her conversation.

He walked over to her, glancing around for signs of anything abnormal. He was not used to being so exposed.

Serena wiped her tears away and patted the ground beside her. "hey Severus."

"Serena."

She puffed at the cigar and inhaled the smell again.

"I am sorry-" Severus stuttered, suddenly feeling very awkward. "I shouldn't have come."

"don't be ridiculous," she murmured. "I was just going to leave, to be honest… I think I've got him up to date on everything." She sniffed at the ridiculousness of that sentence and gave a half sob half laugh.

"I will wait for you over there."

He waited five more minutes for her to join him, her eyes dry and her face calm.

"I'm sorry I didn't mention it," she began. "I just didn't know how- I mean what do I say? Yeah, I won't be around to day, I'm going to see the dead man I still love-" a sob caught in her throat for a moment but she swallowed it and looked defiantly at him instead.

"I understand," he said quietly, rubbing her hand with his fingers gently. "more than you think."

She understood suddenly and turned to him with wide eyes and an open mouth. "I'm sorry Severus… I didn't imagine…"

"we both understand each other. Let's leave it at that."

She nodded and took one last look at Kingsley's granite stone before taking Severus' hand and apparating with him to London.

"I am meeting Samuel in The Leaky Cauldron…"

"I shall walk you there, and then go back to headquarters."

"are you sure it's okay for us to be in the open together?"

"It's fine, we could be nothing more than colleagues."

"as you wish…"

He glanced at her face as they strolled along the road quietly. She seemed relatively normal, just quieter, and her face had the long, sad look Severus knew well. He had thought Serena had moved on from Kingsley, had stopped loving him. He'd even been stupid enough to consider she'd forgotten him…

Serena waved to Samuel and joined him where he was sitting alone at a small table in a booth of the Leaky Cauldron. Severus was surprised when Samuel stood up and shook his hand firmly. He had changed since they had last met; his hair was showing lines of grey, despite his young years, and he had put on some weight.

"I would appreciate it if you would apparate straight back to Hogwarts," Severus said to Serena quietly.

She nodded and gave a small smile as he strode away quickly.

"Two butterbeers please, Tom," Samuel asked the barman as Serena slipped into the booth next to him.

"you look ill, my sweet," he murmured in his deep voice.

"you don't look too happy yourself Samuel."

He sighed deeply and gave her a sad smile. "Katie and I are splitting up…"

"Samuel why?" he said, shocked.

"She's found someone else…"

She squeezed his hand gently. "who is he?"

He shrugged. "someone at her work, she's practically already moved in with him, she didn't even take Max, she just said she'd visit him as often as she could… He's devastated, he was sent home from nursery the other day for punching another lad and swearing… he's three years old for Merlin's sake!"

"he needs help readjusting Sam… Kids don't like change, they need security and routine, he has to feel safe- you need to make sure he knows you're not going to leave him too."

He ran his hand across the stubble of his hair. "I remember you being like that. Kingsley used to tell me about you, when he was tutoring you as a child. I was horrified by some of the things your parents did. And then when they got sent to prison… you went off the rails…"

"I know," she replied, "I was a mess. I was so scared and confused by everything- I had nothing left, no home, no family, I just wanted to be _normal_ like other kids… Kingsley tied me to Earth again, made me feel human, made me feel safe and cared for and loved and wanted… I owe him everything, really. Look where I am now, I'm as close to being happy as I think I ever will be. I love my job."

"It is good to see you have moved on in more than one area," he smiled.

"what do you mean?"

"I owled Albus last week to check if you were okay. He hinted that you were being well looked after… I imagine he means Snape?"

She sighed and then smiled. "yes he means Severus…"

"when did this begin? How? It's great that you've moved on Serena, but he seems a very unlikely candidate."

She chuckled. "it has been about five months now. I'm very happy with him… he helped me heal, he makes me feel safe and secure."

"safety? Isn't it ironic that he makes you feel safe? Surely he is putting you in more danger what with his position?"

"I don't care, Sam, I don't care about any of it. I love him, that's all I care about."

He smiled and nodded. "You know I have always refused to be in the Order because of the safety of my family? Well if that family seems to be falling apart… I've been thinking that I'd rather be doing something useful. Now that He has power again, we need all the manpower we can get."

"Samuel that'd be great! My goodness, do you want me to set up a meeting with Albus for you?"

"If you would… I have another request though… it's an awkward one…"

"you can ask me anything," she smiled, squeezing his hand warmly.

"What with Katie getting up and leaving I can't afford the rent on the flat- it's leased by a wizard so I can't even confound him. I just need somewhere Max and I can stay whilst I find a new place…"

"Oh Samuel, of course! Do you want to stay at Headquarters?"

"well I've heard Albus mention how big it is and there's lots of empty rooms… obviously we'll pay some keep but-"

"don't be daft, no one pays keep and we all stay there from time to time. It's be great if you lived there, I haven't seen Max in ages!"

"thank you, Serena, I owe you a million."

She chuckled, "I'd better be getting back to Hogwarts, I don't want Severus freaking."

"no worries, I'll walk with you to the apparition point."

After a long hug and a kiss on the cheek, Serena apparated straight back to the Hogwarts gates, walking quickly up the drive and to her living quarters. She mailed a quick owl to Severus, letting him know she was back safe, and then set about planning her last lesson of the term, that was on Monday morning.

A quiet knock on the door interrupted her. She unlocked it with her wand and Severus slipped inside, warding it heavily behind him. He walked quickly to her side and crouched down in front of her, casting many diagnosis spells with his wand and peering into her eyes deeply. "have you eaten?"

"yes we had some food in The Leaky Cauldron."

"have you drunk today?"

"yes, I had a non alcoholic butterbeer and a glass of pumpkin juice for breakfast. Is there a reason for this physical interrogation?"

He pressed a hand to her forehead and then took her face between his hands firmly, looking into her eyes almost forcefully. "Serena, I don't want to use legilimency, but I need to know you're not depressed or unwell or-"

"woah Severus, why would I be depressed? Or starving myself? I know I'm not eating a lot at the moment, but I just can't keep it down what with the meds for my muscles..."

"I thought… what with it being… you were depressed… suicidal..?"

"you think I'm suicidal because it's the anniversary of Kingsley's death?"

"I… you said you still loved him… that…" Severus' shoulders sagged and he gave up trying to find the right words.

"Severus, of course I still love him, but I still love you, I love my life most of the time and I don't want to give that up. You love someone who has passed on… do you… when you are reminded..?"

He shrugged and looked uncomfortable.

"Sev…"

"I used to," he grumbled in a throaty voice, looking away. "the first few-" he cleared his throat and began again, looking at her knees instead. "the first few years were very difficult for me, I- I had guilt mixed in with the grief and my life at the time was not happy or stable and so, well, forgive me if I was concerned!" he snapped finally, standing up abruptly.

Serena smiled slightly, knowing that he was only lashing out to protect himself and draw away from the unhappy confession he had just made. "babes, you want to stay here tonight? You remember when you used to read to me?"

He shrugged indifferently and walked into the kitchen. She heard him moving about in there for a moment and then his head popped around the door. "do you want a glass of wine?"

"I thought you disapproved of my drinking?"

"I do if it's in excess."

She nodded, "than yes, please, but do only let me have one…"

He brought her a glass and set his down on the coffee table whilst picking up a book from her shelf and lying back on the sofa, indicating the space next to him. She stretched out next to him, resting her head on his chest and looping her leg over his. Her eyes drifted shut as he read to her in his deep, sensual voice.


	70. Chapter 69

"Happy holidays, Professor," Serena winked to Severus as they met in the empty Entrance Hall that Tuesday.

The students had left early that morning and many of the teachers had packed up and left too, leaving only a handful of occupants in the great castle. Severus and Serena were finally able to act naturally and he wrapped his arms about her waist as he pulled her closer for a searing kiss.

"Miss Lake, as I remember your homework is overdue," he growled, tightening the grip on her waist and somehow darkening his eyes.

She couldn't stop the giggle escaping her. "what are you going to do, _sir?"_

"you will serve detention," he threatened, his eyes glittering, "and I promise you Miss Lake when I am finished with you, you won't be able to walk straight for a week!"

"well that sounds enlightening Severus," Albus' humorous voice echoed, making them both spring apart and twirl around to find his approaching form. Serena turned bright red and she bit her bottom lip to stop from laughing. Severus stood stock straight and glared at Albus angrily.

"you young ones do get some excitement," he continued, smiling broadly now, "however I must drag Severus away for a consultation. You can come if you wish, Serena?"

She smiled, "it's fine Albus, I do have things to do, stuff to pack…"

"ah, where are you staying this summer?"

There was a pause where Serena didn't know what answer to give. She and Severus had not discussed her moving in and she didn't have a house at the moment. She guessed she'd have to travel, like last year, or stop at Grimauld Place for a few weeks with the boys, but Severus interrupted her thoughts.

"she's staying with me," he said as though it was obvious. She turned to him and smiled widely, noticing the small smile appear on his lips at her acceptance.

"of course, when are you leaving?"

"tonight," Severus answered shortly.

"then do come and see me before you go, my dear."

"sure Albus, I'll see you both later." She gave Severus a lingering smile and then skipped back to her office to pack as quickly as she could.

At nine o' clock that evening, after they had finally escaped from Albus' nightcap, Serena and Severus flooed to Spinners End together.

She sighed and breathed in the musty smell of books and new parchment. "you've tidied up since I was last here."

"I have cleared you some space too." He took the shrunken down luggage from her hands and walked through the house, showing her the various shelves and cupboards she would put her belongings. When they got up stairs he lingered outside her old room. "if… if you want to stay in here then-"

"don't be ridiculous," she cut him off. "I don't belong in there you daft fool. I belong with you, wherever you want me."

He took her hand and pulled her through to his room. His great king sized bed took up most of the room with a few more bookshelves, a writing desk and a door leading to his en suite taking up the rest.

"It's perfect," she smiled, climbing onto the bed and staring up at the ceiling. He climbed next to her, pinning her body beneath his own and pressing open mouthed kisses to her neck. She squirmed beneath him and tried to move her hands but he held her wrists tighter and ground his groin into her stomach, letting her feel his hardness.

"you came into my bed, witch, you know what that means?"

She giggled with excitement and then moaned wantonly as he pressed down against her again. "what, what does it mean?" she managed.

"it means you are _mine_ to do with as I please," his voice was almost dangerous and she shivered with excitement, trying desperately to thrust back up into him as he kissed down her neck to the opening of her shirt.

"yes," she gasped. "yours, please… severus… please…"

He growled, biting down on her neck and then licking over the wound he had made. She screeched at the pain but soon moaned as his hot tongue moved over her pulse point.

"_mine," _he growled, "_mine now."_

"mmm yes, yours, please, I need you…"

Severus' eyes sparkled with desire and he succumbed to his witch's demands.

"and put the toilet seat down!" she added, earning a smirk from Severus who had just walked stark naked into his en suite bathroom.

She sighed and rolled over onto her back, pulling the sheet up to cover her breasts. She smiled broadly. She had been living with Severus for a week now, a whole week, no arguments or fallings out- it was as though they were on honeymoon- except they were not married- yet. They'd been planning their wedding all week, or rather, Serena and Remus had and Severus had made occasional inputs, for instance, insisting he wore black and did not have a 'stupid flower' in his buttonhole.

With less than two weeks 'til the wedding day, Serena was venturing into muggle London with Sirius to find her perfect wedding dress as Remus was busy with Severus, who had chosen him to be best man.

After four different shops and three hours, Serena had finally found the perfect dress. It was a strapless, ivory dress with a great ruffled skirt and a slight train flowing behind her. She had a small tiara and strapped ivory heels, just hidden underneath her dress until she moved. She had also received a sexy blue garter [new _and _blue] from Sirius, with the words 'something that lucky git can get off with his teeth.'

Minerva had lent her a beautiful heart necklace that had belonged to her mother [something borrowed] and Serena's outfit was complete.

"you look absolutely beautiful," Sirius murmured, taking her hand as they stood in front of a long mirror. "I'm almost jealous I wont get to see you walking down the aisle to meet me."

She laughed, "isn't Remus going to wear a white dress?"

Sirius smiled slightly but then his face drew into a frown.

"what's wrong Sirius?"

He shrugged and then shook his head. "we had a row last night, just about something stupid… let's not talk about it now…"

"okay, but I want you guys to talk it over okay? You need each other, you love each other, don't forget that."

He shrugged and then nodded before brushing a curl back from her neck and smiling. "Snape's a lucky git, you know?"

* * *

"Severus, please, please be careful, please keep yourself safe for me," she rushed as he grabbed his Death Eater mask and cloak and hurried through the living room to the apparition point in the back yard.

"I will, I will, go to Headquarters, eat, drink, take care of your health, I don't know how long I'll be."

"Severus the wedding is in three days!"

"You think I don't know that!" he suddenly snapped, glaring at her.

Tears sprang in her eyes and his shoulders sagged suddenly. "Serena, I love you, I'll be back before then." He kissed her quickly and apparated away, leaving Serena standing in the darkness with half of the moon shining above her.

She rushed into the house, locking and warding all the exits with her wand before rushing upstairs to grab her bag and apparating to Grimauld Place.

"Albus, do you get used to it?" she sighed, sipping the coffee he handed to her. "how do I accept that it is just part of his life, and…"

"my dear, you have to trust Severus. He'll be fine, he always is."

"you don't seem to realise just how much you ask of him."

Serena looked up suddenly shocked, "Albus, I'm sorry that was disrespectful, I didn't mean…"

"Serena, I ask of Severus what is necessary."

"I know, I know." She sighed heavily, fatigue consuming her. She glanced at her watch, "it's been twenty eight hours and the wedding is in less than two days! He should be back by now surely."

Albus nodded, "he is running a little later than usual."

"I'm going to go and wait in the kitchen, you go to sleep Albus, really it's fine…"

After spending the whole week in such close company, it was odd being without him- it was so obvious something was missing. She sat on the table and waited in silence, her eyes closed, just thinking. She wondered if this war would ever be over-would they ever get to lead a normal life, not in private, but in public without the risk of being persecuted for it. Would he ever be out of danger? Would either of them? At that moment there was a loud crack and Serena opened her eyes just in time to see a dark figure slump to the ground.

She swore and rushed over to Severus, rolling him over and scrambling up to look at his pale face. "Severus? Severus?" his eyes flickered briefly and he tried to mutter to her.

"not hos… not hospital…"

His head lolled to the side and Serena's heart dropped.

"ALBUS! Albus! Remus! SIRIUS! SOMEONE PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME!"

She didn't pause to hear the scuffles and shouts from above, followed by the pounding of footsteps down the stairs, instead she summoned the Healer's Box they kept and began casting diagnostic spells over him. He was badly injured and she was glad he had passed out rather than feel the immense pain shocking through his body.

"come on sev, keep breathing."

Blood was pouring from his shoulder and she tore of his shirt hastily, using it to stop the flow of pulsing red blood. At that moment a half naked Sirius flew into the room, his wand drawn and Remus right behind him, in an even worse state of dress.

They rushed to Severus' side and Remus began healing the great gash on his shoulder whilst Sirius rummaged around in the box. "it's not here, we'll have to take him to St. Mungo's, there's nothing for unforgivables-"

"no! he said no hospital! He knows what he's saying, we have to trust him!"

"Serena-"

"Let me try, I can heal him, I know I can!"

Albus swept into the room at that moment dressed in a majestic gold and purple dressing gown, his wand in hand and his eyes alert beneath his half moon glasses.

"He's worse than normal," he stated quietly, kneeling down and ignoring the blood beneath him.

"let me try" Serena begged. "let me try and heal him using my empathic skills."

"Serena, that could do extreme physical damage to yourself," Remus began.

"I don't care" Serena said quickly, squeezing Severus' hand in hers. "you've got to let me try."

"Serena, it's a risk" Albus said carefully watching her.

Serena didn't listen- she had already put her hands on Severus' face, her own eyes closed, concentrating. It took her a while to find his pain, it was hidden deep, as Severus always hid everything. She focussed her mind on it, letting it fill her up. She gasped and her heart pounded when she felt the effects of many cruciatus curse's at once. She kept contact with him though, the cries of Remus a distant echo. 'Come on Sev' she pleaded with her mind. She put all her energy into healing him, making the pain dissolve, taking the hurt from him because he'd already suffered too much, he already sacrificed enough for all of them- he didn't need this, he had to be okay because she couldn't live without him. Serena's head felt light, she tried to open her eyes but she just saw stars and she had to let go, gasping for breath she fell backwards onto the floor.

She felt someone's hands on her but she pushed them off, using all her strength to scramble up to the now stirring Severus. "thank fuck" she whispered, before falling back into the darkness.

Severus sat up, wincing from the slight pain in his head. The first thing he saw was Remus crouched over a sprawled Serena on the floor.

"what happened?" he grumbled, wincing at the slight pain. He put a hand to her neck and checked her pulse.

"she's fine, just lack of oxygen" Albus said quietly.

"I'll get some water," Sirius said whilst summoning a glass.

"She healed you" Albus said, his eyes glinting in awe of her talent.

"she what?" Severus said looking up at him.

"she used her empathic skills to heal you, she risked her own life."

"idiot!" Severus growled, shaking Serena's body. "wake up! Enervate!"

Serena's eyes flickered open, blurry at first and then they focussed on Severus' face. She smiled, not immediately noticing his angry expression.

She sat up and then her smile faltered. "are you okay?" she said quickly.

"how could you be so stupid!" he growled. "what do you think you're playing at?"

"I don't have a clue what you're talking about" she said coldly, standing up as he did ad refusing Sirius' water with a wave of her hand.

"how could you risk your life, for me! You behaved like an idiot! Like some stupid sacrificing Gryffindor! You didn't think of the consequences!"

"Well I'm sorry I didn't stop and assess the situation when you collapsed on me earlier." She shouted. "don't you dare tell me that you're not worth dying for Severus! Come and find me when you want to apologise."

She turned and walked out angrily, leaving Severus silent from her last sentence. 'don't tell me you're not worth dying for' echoed in his head. Did she mean that? How could she mean that, how could she..? But then he would die for her, no doubt about it, not a heartbeat of thought…

"Severus?" Albus' voice came to him.

Severus looked at Albus, blinking to clear his mind.

"do you want to talk about Voldemort now, or later?" he said, disappointed by Severus' reaction to Serena.

"tomorrow" he muttered looking around confused. "I… I have to go and find…"

Albus nodded, watching Severus walk quickly up the stairs after Serena.

Severus hammered on Serena's room with his fist, anger and adrenalin pulsing through his veins. "Serena!" he shouted at the wood. The door was flung open and Serena only got the chance to glare at him for a split second before he sweeped her up into a tight hug. She hugged him back, bewildered for a moment, but so glad he was alive and okay. Severus breathed in her smell, felt her warm body, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, resting on his hips. Her arms clung around his neck as his did around her body.

"I'm… I'm sorry" he said, his voice muffled by her shoulder.

Serena knew how hard it was for him to say those words. "that's okay" she murmured.

His arms relaxed and she slid down him, using his body to steady herself as she stood up and looked up at his unreadable face.

"I'm really glad you're okay" she said quietly.

He nodded, "me too."

"we're getting married in two days," she smiled.

"I wish it were sooner."

She kissed him lightly in response. "do you want a beer?"

He nodded and sat down on the bed. She handed him a beer and opened one herself, sitting next to him. He put his arm against the back of the sofa and stroked her hair, smiling slightly as her eyes closed in contentment.

"what happened to you?" she said, opening her eyes and looking up into his troubled face.

"just the usual" he said quietly.

"but why?" she pressed.

"I… I don't want to talk about-"

"tell me' Serena said murmured quickly.

Severus sighed knowing she would not let it go. "I… just refused one of the dark lord's gifts. Not a clever thing to do."

"what was the gift?" she frowned.

"He… he'd got some women from Knockturn Alley, squibs… he said it was our reward…"

"he wanted you to… rape them?" she sad, horrified.

Severus nodded curtly, not looking at her.

"and you… didn't?"

He shook his head.

"but… why Severus?"

"I thought that was obvious" he said hoarsely. "I've changed- you've changed me. I'm not going to sleep with any other woman. You're mine. No one else, just you."

Serena was silent, her lips parted as love filled her. She knelt on the bed, putting her face in front of his so he had to look her in the eye. She kissed him tenderly, before nibbling his bottom lip. His hand stroked up her arm, to her face, which he held to his, kissing her lightly. It was when they were kissing that something came to him and he turned his head away.

"what you said downstairs…" he said quietly. "I don't want you to mean it, I don't want you to ever do something like that again, understand?"

"I… I understand, but I don't comply," she said, sitting back next to him.

"Serena, I'm not, you hear me? I'm not, so-"

"who says?"

"I say" he said in a low threatening voice.

It had no affect on Serena who almost smiled. "so do I."

"I'm not joking Serena!"

"I know Sev" she said softly. "but I would die for you, if it would save you."

"I wouldn't want to live if it was without you" he growled.

"snap" she said softly, trying to kiss him.

He turned away again, but she persisted, kissing his cheek instead.

"look, there's no point in this discussion. What will happen will happen. What you did today Severus was… it was… it was so brave of you to do it."

She kissed his neck this time, letting out a soft moan, trying to arouse him. She could tell it was working and she kissed him again, letting her hot breath tingle on his cheek. He let her kiss him on the lips this time, his hand moving to her waist, her hands moving up to run through his soft hair. He pushed her down on to the bed, lying between her legs and pressing his body down onto hers. Her eyes shone with passion, such warm passion and care.

"you belong to me too now, Severus..."

* * *

**A/N: let me know what you guys are thinking! too soppy? just a bit, but there's more to come sorry! **


	71. Chapter 70

"I'M GETTING MARRIED TODAY!" Serena screamed, bursting into Remus' room and doing a dance in her nightshirt.

He groaned and sank back into the pillows and so she ran upstairs to Samuel's new room and the Weasley twins' and woke all of them instead.

"Serena, sit still darling," Molly Weasley laughed as she was putting magic rollers in Serena's hair.

"I'm nervous," she complained, tapping her fingers in a rhythm less manner on the kitchen table. "what if something goes wrong, what if he gets summoned?"

"Serena, there's no point in worrying about something that is 99 percent unlikely," Sirius said gently, pressing a glass of wine into her hand.

"but what about things that are possible Sirius… what if, what if he changes his mind… what if-"

"now that's ridiculous my dear," Molly intervened. "it's clear as day the man loves you and wants to tie you to him forever, I've never seen anything like it."

"plus," Sirius said, "if he changes his mind I think Remus will bite him and drag him down the aisle."

Serena smiled slightly. "I wonder what the conversation's like over there."

Sirius laughed. "So Snape… you like black clothes…"

"So Lupin… you're a werewolf…"

They all burst out laughing just as Samuel walked in, balancing Max on his hip who was sporting bright orange Chudley Cannon pyjamas. "how's the bride," he smiled, kissing her on the cheek and swinging Max into a chair.

"nervous," she smiled, "and Sirius do you want me staggering down the aisle!"

Sirius continued topping up her wine glass. "It'll do you good babes."

"yes well Severus will kill you if you get me drunk for my own wedding!"

"he can try," he said quietly.

"there!" Molly exclaimed. "finished! Now, Tonks is upstairs, we'll help you get into that beautiful dress and do your make up, come on, yes, bring your wine, Sirius is probably right."

"Severus, allow me, please." Remus stepped forward to tie Severus' ivory cravat, keeping his eyes on his hand rather than look up into Severus' intimidating eyes.

Severus felt rather belittled having someone else do his cravat but the stupid thing just wouldn't go right! He was wearing black tails with an ivory waistcoat and ivory cravat and he had to admit he looked rather okay.

Remus stepped back and gave an approving nod.

"listen…" he said suddenly. "listen I know that you may think it's too late now, but I need to know one hundred percent truthfully. Do you love her? Can you make her happy? Will you stay with her forever?"

Severus almost rolled his eyes, he had expected this but didn't think Remus would have the nerve to say anything. "Lupin-"

"just answer the question Snape," Remus interrupted in a harsh voice, making Severus pause. Remus was looking at him with hard dark eyes and Severus was sure he saw a flash of the werewolf within him.

He cleared his throat. "I love her Remus. I will do _anything_ to make her happy and keep her safe. You have my word."

Remus nodded and held out his hand. Severus shook it warmly and his respect for Remus rose. "now let's go, we don't want to be late."

"do you have the rings?" Severus asked.

"Of course, they were a great choice, by the way, when did you acquire them?"

"last weekend."

"they look very expensive."

Severus shrugged, "there is no budget where Serena is concerned."

They apparated onto the outskirts of Hogsmeade and walked together comfortably towards the great gates of Hogwarts, making sure no one saw them in their unusual smart attire.

They walked up the lawn and around the back to where a small white marquee had been set up and a few people were gathered. They had decided on a very simple and quiet wedding with just close friends, and there had been no argument on the location: both minds had jumped to Hogwarts- their second home.

Serena had done most of the planning and Severus new she'd done an amazing job as the doors to the tent opened automatically for them. White chairs were lined up facing a small white arch at the front where the minister was standing talking to Albus who was dressed in extravagant silver and blue robes with matching hat. White flowers lined the tent and the occasional white dove flew overhead and magically vanished as they touched the edge of the tent.

"wow," Remus said softly beside him. At that moment, Sirius, dressed in a brown waistcoat and trousers lumbered over and kissed Remus enthusiastically on the lips. Severus made a gagging sound and he glared at the two who completely ignored him and continued kissing.

"There he is! Severus! My you do scrub up well."

He turned to face the Weasley crowd lead by Molly who grasped his hand warmly and straightened his cravat that he knew had been perfectly straight before. He shook hands with Arthur and they all sat down together near the back by many of the teachers. He spotted Tonks and Samuel together with Max on the front row and Black walking to join them.

"come on, Albus has disappeared, she must be here."

Remus led the way down the aisle to the front. Severus stood under the arch whilst Remus stood off to the side.

Severus felt nervous and uncomfortable and more excited than he could ever remember being. What if she wasn't here? What if she'd changed her mind? What if he got summoned? He knew the answer to that one- he would rather suffer the curses for being late than walk out on his wedding.

As he clasped his sweaty hands together and avoided looking at the faces he knew were watching him the crowd grew quiet and a soft music started.

His head snapped up quickly and he concentrated on the entrance to the tent so hard it hurt. The doors moved for a moment in the wind and then they drew back by magic and revealed the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. Her hair was in ringlets and her eyes were shining so brightly and she was smiling at him so magically he thought he'd cry. Her arm was linked in Albus' as he walked her down the aisle to meet him, and if Severus had been able to turn his eyes away from Serena's for a split second, he would have seen tears tracking down the old man's cheeks and into his white beard.

After what seemed like an eternity they finally reached him and Albus kissed her on the cheek before placing her small hand into Severus' warm one and turning to take his seat.

"you look beautiful," he murmured, making her blush as she looked up at him from between her long lashes.

They turned with their hands linked towards the minister who had the 'I can't believe my eyes' expression on his face.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the magical binding of this wizard and this witch."

Severus felt a smile stretch across his face and it almost grew wider as he heard the shocked whisperings behind him.

"Do you have the rings?"

Remus stepped forward and handed one ring to Severus, who took Serena's left hand and placed it halfway on her ring finger.

Serena's mouth dropped open at the shining silver ring engraved with the words '_with my life'_ around the outside and she flickered her eyes back up to Severus, telling him with her mind how much she loved it.

"I give you this ring… as a symbol of my love… and as a promise of my devotion…to bind myself to you forever."

He slipped the ring onto her finger where it glowed warmly and then tightened to fit perfectly.

Serena took the other identical ring from Remus and held it on Severus' ring finger as he had.

"I give you this ring… as a symbol of my love… and as a promise of my devotion…to bind myself to you forever."

She pushed the ring onto his finger and felt her own ring warm in response. Their eyes shone at each other and Severus had to remind himself that the service was not over yet.

"Do you, Severus Tobias Snape, take thee, Serena Venus Lake, to love her and cherish, in sickness and in health, in war and peace, for better and for worse, 'til death do you part?"

Severus smiled slightly again before murmuring softly, "I do."

"And do you, Serena Venus Lake, take thee, Severus Tobias Snape, to love him and cherish, in sickness and in health, in war and peace, for better or for worse, 'til death do you part?"

"I do," she smiled quietly, unable to take her eyes away from his.

"Then you may kiss the bride."

Severus did not hesitate to close the gap between them and his lips met hers in a warm and gentle caress. A golden magic swirled around them and their rings glowed again as the vow was sealed.

Applause broke out from their stunned friends and Severus pulled Serena close and kissed her again, taking his time to explore the heavenly mouth of his new bride. As though she had read his thoughts she pulled back slightly, gazed lovingly into his eyes and whispered, "I'm yours now, Severus Snape."

He smiled and kissed her once more before turning back to the room and freezing. The chairs had gone; instead there was a dance floor bordered by a few white tables and chairs with white ribbons hanging above them and music playing from a white grand piano in a corner.

Most people were watching them whilst talking together and Severus felt proud to take lead Serena onto the floor to dance. She wrapped her arms up around his neck and he pulled her closer, his hands on her waist, caressing slightly.

"I love you so much wife," he murmured, his glittering eyes reflecting the intense love she felt radiating from him.

"I love you so much too, husband."

He kissed her again softly and rested his forehead against hers. "you are truly the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Every person in this room is looking at you and now they know you are mine."

"I think every woman is looking at you, Severus. You look so damn handsome in those clothes. Sirius and Remus are too, might I add."

He chuckled, "Remus gave me the talk."

She smiled apologetically, "I thought he might... I hope you were nice to him."

"I was expecting some pathetic attempt at bravery from him, but truly, he played the part well, I believe we are… friends…"

Serena beamed, "that makes me so happy. Not that I think I can actually get any happier."

He nudged her lips with his own again and she tilted her head, twining her fingers into his hair and holding him closer, parting her lips and allowing him in to caress her tongue and spark her senses. Neither of them noticed the song had ended.

Remus kissed Sirius lightly and then looked over his shoulder to the newly wed couple, still spellbound in a tender kiss.

"they look so happy," he murmured to Sirius as they swayed to the music, wrapped in each other's arms.

There was a long pause as they both watched Severus and Serena with longing. "I'm sorry…" Sirius said finally. "I'm so sorry for the other night, I had no right to walk out on you…"

Remus grimaced, "I'm sorry for letting my emotions get away from me, I can't keep blaming it on the wolf, it's not fair."

"Do you think… do you think we'll ever have what they have?"

"What they have is rare… I'm happy with you, Sirius, I really am…"

"I'm happy too," he sad quietly, before tightening his arms around Remus and gazing at the happy couple once more.

"Congratulations, both of you," Albus said, shaking Severus' hand and accepting a surprising hug from Serena.

"Would you make our excuses if we were to leave?" Severus said quietly, stroking Serena's arm lightly. She looked up at him in surprise.

"where-"

"you didn't think I would forget to book a honeymoon, did you?"

Her mouth opened in surprise and she leant up and kissed him happily. "did I tell you how much I love you?"

"once or twice," he said dryly, turning back to Albus and resuming stroking Serena's arm.

"I think everyone is surprised you have stayed this long Severus, what with your bride looking as pretty as Serena does."

Serena blushed and leant into Severus' side happily. "thank you Albus, for everything, for your support, for giving me a job so I could meet this thing," she nudged Severus and giggled at his raised eyebrows. "and thank you," she said more seriously, "for giving me away, we couldn't think of anyone more perfect than you."

Albus' eyes watered over. "I am honoured, my dear."

She hugged him again and promised she would see him soon, before walking to say goodbye to everyone else with Severus' arm wrapped firmly around her.

"Remus, Sirius, thank you for coming, and Remus, thanks for getting Severus scrubbed up this morning in that gorgeous suit."

Severus' scowl did not last longer than two seconds when Serena added, "you'll be disappointed to know I don't need help getting it off."

They both laughed and the boys hugged her tightly, to which Severus didn't even mind once he saw his ring sparkling on her finger and Remus even clapped him on the back in a sort of odd friendly gesture.

Severus was so happy he didn't even curse the Weasley twins for handing Serena a large pack of 'Bertie Bott's Every Sensation Wizard's Condoms.'

He held Serena in his arms as she waved to everyone one last time and they apparated away.


	72. Chapter 71

"Keep your eyes closed," he murmured, slowly stepping away from Serena who was covering her eyes with her hands so she was not tempted to peek.

He waved his wand through the air and the bags he had secretly packed appeared on the floor. He lit the candles in the room with a wave of his wand and then turned to admire his bride. She looked like an angel in her beautiful white dress that emphasised not only her tan, but her cleavage as well. He smiled as she nibbled her lip and the ring on her finger glittered as she moved slightly.

She suddenly smirked. "you're staring."

He chuckled, "I can't help myself." He walked up behind her and circled his arms around her waist. "you can look now," he whispered in her ear, one of her soft curls brushing his cheek.

Serena lowered her hands and opened her eyes before her face stretched into an amazed smile. They were standing in a bedroom of emerald greens and dark woods. The biggest four poster bed she had ever seen was in front of them and there was one of those mirrors on the ceilings, like Serena had seen in muggle Bond movies.

Besides a writing desk and a sofa, the rest of the room was lined with hundreds and hundreds of old dusty books that Serena longed to explore.

"where are we?" she finally found the voice to ask.

"we are in Italy, near Pisa in a cottage on a cliff top. There is a path that leads down to a bay, where you can relish in your much loved sun, and in the evenings… well I thought we could go for walks…" Severus blushed, suddenly realising how stupid and soppy that sounded but Serena only turned and kisses him soundly.

"that sounds beautiful. When did you plan all this?"

"the moment you set a date."

"how long are we here for?"

"I was able to bargain a week with Albus. He was not happy what with the war starting, but I would not take no for an answer."

She beamed at him and her hands moved up to play with his cravat teasingly. "So tell me, Severus, what are we going to do with such a big bed?"

"well…" he murmured, walking her backwards until her knees hit the edge. "I thought I'd show you…" he pushed her back onto the bed and smirked at her flushed cheeks and lusty eyes. "what it means…" he trapped her body under his own and let her feel most of his weight. "…to be my wife."

He kissed her lips and down her neck, making her writhe underneath him and then moan softly. "get me out of this fucking dress," she whispered, making him chuckle deeply and then resume kissing her.

"patience, my beautiful."

He resumed kissing her whilst his hand found her ankle and slowly moved up her leg, stroking the soft skin and lifting her dress as he went. His fingertips suddenly found her garter and he drew back, surprised.

"you kinky minx," he growled whilst she winked seductively. He moved lower down her body and then suddenly disappeared beneath the skirt of her dress.

Serena could feel him, licking and nibbling her ankle, his hand holding her killer heels firmly so that she couldn't squirm too much under his attentions. "oh fuckk Severus-"

Severus bit the inside of her knee, causing her to groan loudly as his wet open mouth moved further up her thigh until it found the blue band. He licked a pattern around it and then grasped it between his teeth, pulling it down agonisingly slowly as his fingertips moved higher up her thigh and came in contact with her warm skin. Serena squirmed and arched her back off the bed, needing there to be more pressure, for him to touch her, to be inside of her.

He finally emerged with the band between his teeth, his hair rumpled and his eyes dark with passion.

"no underwear, Mrs Snape?" he smirked, climbing over her again and dropping the garter on the bed.

"I hope you've done the same, Mr. Snape."

"would you bet on it?"

"with my life," she said breathlessly before finally finding out for herself.

* * *

Serena woke early the next morning and rolled over slowly to face her sleeping lover. He was lying face down, completely naked, with his short hair plastered to his head. His arm was outstretched over her and his silver ring seemed to spark as she ran her finger over it gently, before kissing her own.

She decided to brush her teeth and sort her hair out before Severus woke up. She scrambled carefully out of bed, wincing as she stood up and threw his shirt on, buttoning it up so that it just covered her breasts.

"where do you think you're going?" a sleepy voice grumbled from the bed.

She smiled and turned to see Severus lying on his side and watching her. "I'm going to make myself presentable. And also to get some bloody cream, I'm damn sore, I've never had that much sex in one night before."

He chuckled and swung himself out of bed, walking unabashedly naked towards her. Her eyes immediately flickered downwards and then shot back up with her blushing. He smirked and then pulled her close to him, kissing her softly.

"let me get you some potion, my love," he murmured. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable, I'm not done with you yet." She giggled and followed him into the bathroom. After a [very] lengthy shower and after applying a healing potion, Severus shrugged on some black boxers before scooping Serena up into his arms and carrying her through to the living room and lowering her gently onto the sofa. "I enjoyed our time on here last night," she flirted.

"as did I," he replied, kissing her lips warmly. She pulled him closer, tangling her fingers in his hair and deepening the kiss. He groaned softly and pulled away. "I will never get breakfast done at this rate."

"I didn't know you could cook, or is it microwaved?" she teased.

"minx. After your lessons last summer I sort of… dabbled… you were right, it is similar to brewing potions…"

"you continue to surprise me, husband."

"indeed wife," he said smoothly, kissing her once more before walking gracefully back into the kitchen.

After a breakfast of burnt toast and burnt scrambled egg and after making sure they had christened every room in the cottage, Serena and Severus walked out onto the hilltop where the cottage was situated.

"it's wonderful," she sighed, breathing in the fresh air and looking down over the small empty bay below. There were no other cottages around and the only indication of life was a dirt track road that ran about a hundred metres away, disappearing down a hill. They walked hand in hand down the path to the bay, Serena wearing her bikini under her summer clothes and Severus clad in jeans and a shirt; black, as always. Severus levitated a picnic basket Serena had packed along with some towels and a beach umbrella, along behind them and they soon found a small space, hidden at the foot of a cliff where they made their home.

Severus stood rather awkwardly whilst Serena set up umbrellas and towels and got out books, before slipping off her sandals and then her clothes. She walked to him smiling and rolled up his sleeves before opening a few buttons at his neck and kissing him soundly on the lips. "take your shoes off," she murmured. "otherwise you're going to be uncomfortable."

He took her advice and joined her on the towels on the sand, lying on his side and watching her rummage in the basket. "do you know the spell for sun protection?" she asked, emerging with two bottles of white lotion. "otherwise I'm going to have to put muggle stuff on."

"no," Severus said immediately, taking the bottles from her. "but allow me."

She stretched out on her back, squinting slightly in the sun. Severus poured some of the cool lotion into his hands before slowly applying it to her calves and moving up her thighs slowly, massaging it in with firm hands. Serena's eyes flickered closed and she let herself only feel him as his hands went up, further and further before suddenly stopping. She peaked from under one eye. He was pouring more lotion onto his hands, seemingly unaware of the effect his hands on her body were producing. He resumed with her arms, taking his time before reaching her shoulders and massaging them firmly. When he reached her stomach his hands gentled, barely glancing over the scars on her skin in circular patterns before pausing at the underside of her bikini top.

"this is in the way," he said, giving it a tug and pulling it from her body.

"Severus!" she squealed, covering her breasts quickly.

He chuckled, moving her hands away and applying sun tan lotion to her breasts, taking his time and noticing the small whimpers that were escaping her lips.

His hands were gone too soon and he almost laughed at the look of loss on her face as she gazed up at him with pleading eyes.

"turn over," he commanded softly.

She lay on her front, her arms folded beneath her head. Again, Severus moved up her legs before reaching her bikini bottoms and then stopping. "these are in the way, too."

She barely began her protest when he'd whipped them from her and started massaging her perfect cheeks then moving up her back to meet her shoulders once more.

Serena shrieked suddenly as he spread her legs and filled her unexpectedly from behind. Severus groaned loudly and placed his elbows on either side of her head, letting her feel some of his weight as she began to thrust back against him wantonly, muttering his name under her breath.

He caught words like "fuck…hard … fast…" before he finally mastered the control to move.

"the spell…" he grunted, thrusting forward hard and causing her to moan passionately, "is _Solaris_"


	73. Chapter 72

"Severus, do you even like the beach?" Serena asked turning her head to the side as they lay back on the towel together naked, hand in hand and trying to get their breaths back.

"I like it now," he murmured deeply, meeting her gaze intensely.

"but, you just don't seem… I mean… you're rather pale and…"

He chuckled. "I am not opposed to sunlight, I just don't see the it that often."

"you do have a hectic schedule."

"indeed. I must admit this… beachy… sandy… thing… wasn't really my favourite thing to do, but now I have actually experienced it, it doesn't seem that bad, especially as I am under the shade."

"why then did you choose our honeymoon to be here?"

"because, little one, I know how much you love places like these."

"Severus you are too sacrificing for your own good," she rolled onto her side and kissed him soundly.

"I am not as selfless as you might think," he admitted. "I ask for you to accompany me on walks in the evenings, not just because it sounds romantic but there are many rare potions ingredients in these parts I am itching to explore."

"I would love to."

"Plus, he murmured, rolling onto his side to meet her. "you look absolutely ravishing when you have a tan. Now come on, let's go and swim in the sea before I change my mind."

At eleven o' clock on their second night, Severus pulled a muggle jacket on over his jeans and shirt and led Serena out into the dark night. It was hot and humid and Serena was wearing a breezy summer dress beside him, with her long cloaked coat tied at the waist around it. The breeze swept through them and her hair blew out behind her and Severus had to pinch himself to confirm his vision of beauty was real.

And she had his ring on her finger.

A physical sign of his ownership; his possession; his beautiful wife that he had captured in the net of his love.

He wrapped his arm around her and had to stop himself touching her breast, god since when was he so wanton! Getting an erection every five minutes like some hormonal school boy. And he'd thought he was getting old, he scoffed, well she had changed that.

"sickle for your thoughts?" She offered, a small smile playing on her lips.

"they're worth more than that," he said gruffly, a pink tinge appearing high on his cheekbones when he realised she could feel his emotions anyway.

She laughed to herself and her small arm tightened around his body. "where are we going?"

"we are heading east until we come to a small area of bracken and heather. There we shall find what I am looking for."

"And what are you looking for?"

"The golden purple honey of the lavender bee."

"it sounds beautiful."

"indeed, my little one."

"you've called me that twice in one day," she smiled, "where did that come from?"

"you are mine, are you not?" he teased.

"I am," she said proudly.

"you are little, are you not?"

She shoved his arm playfully, "hey I'm not that little!"

"compared to me, you are. "and you are one person, are you not? Therefore by my precise calculations that makes you... hmm, my little one?"

She giggled and kissed the jacket that covered his shoulder. "I like it."

"you do? Then why the fuss?"

"It was fun," she smiled.

"minx," he growled through the darkness. "I'll punish you for that when we get home."

She giggled again, "I can't wait, my big one."

"that I am," he smirked, "that I am."

They reached the spot at five minutes to midnight, and it was easily recognisable from the purple glow emitted across the land, a result of the lavender knitted in with the heather and swarmed with shining honey bees buzzing a rhythm across the land.

"wow," she whispered softly. "it's beautiful, how are they doing that? It's like they're emitting light-"

"they _are _emitting light," he corrected in a quiet voice. "The golden honey bee pollinates the lavender, transferring the pollen onto the heather. When the purple pollen touches the heather its magic spreads and the heather is amalgamated into the lavender family and becomes a young lavender bush. When the bees return to their hive, the residue from the lavender resides within them and the honey that is produced is a swirl of purple lavender and pure gold."

Serena was staring at him with wide eyes, purple and gold dots reflecting in their darkness. "I think I just fell in love with you all over again."

The corners of his mouth twitched into his small smile and he kissed her very softly.

"can we sit and watch them?"

"we can."

He took off his jacket and transformed it into a blanket that he spread on the ground, about ten metres away from the working bees.

Serena cuddled into Severus' side and gazed out at the beautiful sight in front of them. If she had known potions ingredients were conceived from natural things like this, then she would have paid more attention when Kingsley had taught it her.

She understood now why Severus was so passionate about his subject. In all the warped lies and secret doppelgangers he had to become in his life, something so natural and peaceful as watching these bees create life must be so calming to him.

She subtly looked up at his face from behind the curtain of her hair. He was staring so intently at the bees, his eyes shone with life and inspiration and his face actually looked relaxed for once. He did not seem to notice her looking, he was absorbed, bewitched and transfixed by these tiny pure beings beyond them.

They sat there silently for almost an hour before Severus' hand came up to stroke Serena's cheek softly. "I am going to collect some honey," he said quietly.

"be careful not to step on any."

He smiled at her. "The golden bees cannot be touched by humans. If I was careless enough to 'step on any' they would simply pass right through me. That is why they are not extinct- it is the perfect defence. Bees of pure gold would have disappeared years ago if we could capture them and melt them to gold. For now, it is only their honey that has value, and I would bet there are less than fifty people in the entire world that knows the location of a swarm such as this one."

"that's amazing… thank you, Severus, for sharing something so precious with me."

"you are infinitely more beautiful and infinitely more precious," he smiled.

She rolled her eyes. "hurry up you, I want to get back and make love to you."

He smirked, "as you wish, my little one."

Serena woke on the third morning and stretched and yawned before rolling over and falling straight off the bed with a thump. In a second, Severus shot up with his wand out and his hair sticking all over the place. Serena could only collapse in pools of laughter and wave him off with a tanned hand. He grumbled some threat or other and ordered her back to bed with him. When she was done laughing she dragged him out of bed and off for a shower before making him breakfast that was a lot tastier than his had been.

"what are our plans for today?" she asked before taking a spoonful of scrambled egg.

"what would you like our plans for today to involve?"

She thought for a moment. "I'd like to stay inside and read books and curl up with you and talk about serious things in a non serious manner."

"okay," he said simply. "breakfast was delicious, by the way." He stood up and cleared his plate. "I have a few requests, though."

"fire away," she smiled, washing the plates by magic.

"you are not allowed to wear anything other than my shirt," he said, pulling her t shirt over her head and then dropping the shorts and pants she was wearing.

She was too surprised to disagree and he had already summoned his black shirt and had begun buttoning it up around her. He stopped when he got to her breasts, giving him an ample view of the perfect globes before she scolded him for staring.

"no underwear," he warned. "And I'll be checking regularly."

"no complaints from me," she winked before kissing him gently and wrapping her arms around his neck.

They took books from the shelves in their bedroom and settled on the great bed, Serena lying with her head resting on Severus' flat stomach, and his fingers knotted gently in her hair.

"when did you first know you loved me?" she asked quietly, not taking her eyes from her book.

"one year and three weeks and three days ago," he said in a neutral voice, knowing how much it meant to her to know that he kept record and to reassure her of his love.

"tell me the story again, please?" she looked round at him with puppy dog eyes and a pouting lips and he sighed and nodded, resuming stroking her hair softly.

"one year, three weeks and three days ago I stunned you to shut you up and stop your confused ramblings and hysterical accusations. As I carried your limp body to the hospital wing, with each echoing footstep it pounded in my heart that _I loved you_. I loved you because it tore me apart to see you in pain. It hurt worse than any cruciatus curse or slicing hex and my heart ached and I felt sick to the stomach to think of you in such unhappiness. And I knew then that I loved you because I would have done _anything_ to make you happy again, even if that meant bringing Kingsley back and watching you live your life with him without me."

She drew in a deep breath and shut her eyes. She was close to crying from the intensity of emotions she felt wash over him but she brought it under control and when her eyes opened there was only immense gratitude and love.

She seemed to go back to her reading after a few moments but Severus was again lost in thought.

"If I asked you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?" he said suddenly.

"If I asked you why you wanted me to jump off a cliff, what would your answer be?"

"I have my reasons."

"yes, I would jump," she said casually, turning a page in her book.

"why would you jump?"

"because I trust you. Because I know you would only let me jump if I would be saved or if it was better for me to jump than to stay on the cliff top."

"what would it take for you to not jump?"

"I would not jump if it would mean leaving you alone on the cliff top, hating yourself. I will never leave you, Severus."

"and I will try my utmost to not have to ask you to jump, ever."

"thank you," she murmured, reaching up and pulling his hand to her before placing a small kiss in his palm and releasing it again.

There was quiet for a few more pages and then Severus spoke again. "If I asked you to walk around naked more often, would you do it?"

She laughed, "if I asked you why you wanted me to walk around naked more often, what would you say?"

"I have my reasons," he smirked, sitting up and running a hand up her thigh.

She pushed him off with a reproachful smile, "I'm just getting to the best bit!"

"what are you reading?" he asked deeply, moving his hand to stroke her cheek instead.

"Wuthering Heights."

"I hope you don't picture me in that cliff-heather fellow."

"Heathcliff!" she giggled.

"yes well, a complete dunderhead, running away like some sort of stupid squib just because he overheard something about nothing."

"true, you'd probably barge in there and demand that I admit I loved you and vow to stay away from Hareton."

"from who?"

"Severus, have you actually read the book?"

"I read the wizarding abridged version last year after I saw you reading the full one in my office."

She couldn't help but smile at his childlike expression of defiance. "you daft fool, you can read this when I'm done."

He merely grunted and then resumed his potions text on the uses of the honey of the golden bee.

After a light lunch, Severus sat on the sofa in the living room, with Serena resting on the floor, leaning between his legs. He stroked her hair, something he loved to do at the moment whilst she shut her eyes and revelled in the sensations coursing through her body.

"you have no idea what it means to me to have you wearing my ring, a physical representation of my claim on you."

She smiled and caressed his leg over his jeans softly. "They truly are beautiful rings."

"I have a confession to make," he said, a sudden tension in his voice. "I don't know what your reaction to it will be."

"okay?" she said, turning to look at him, a small frown on her face.

"The rings… the rings are embedded with a fidelity charm. I… I needed something… I was selfish in my choice I…"

"you needed reassurance that we would stay faithful to one another?" she finished for him.

He nodded in a jerky manner and his eyes hardened in a sort of defiant look.

"would you ever cheat on me?" she asked, feeling the anger suddenly coarse through him.

"of course now! How can you even suggest-"

"and I would never cheat, nor want to cheat, on you, my love, and so I think the rings are perfectly appropriate."

"you… you do?" he said uncertainly.

"I do," she smiled, kissing his hand.

"You are… you are an angel," he murmured. "come up here."

She settled herself in his lap and he cradled her head against his shoulder, crooning soft words of love and security to her until her eyes flickered shut and she slipped into a hazy sleep.

Severus woke her an hour later and they talked some more before having dinner and then strolling out onto the cliffs to watch the sun setting. It was as they were sitting on the grass, arms around each other when a great white owl flew towards them from across the ocean.

* * *

does that count as a cliff hanger [no pun intended] *silently laughs to self.

thank you for your reviews! especially to those of you without an account so i cant reply!


	74. Chapter 73

_Severus. _

_ It pains me to have to send this letter but I must request your presence in London immediately. _

_Albus. _

Severus shook his head and stood up, drawing his wand and pulling Serena with him.

"we have to get back to the cottage." Serena sensed the tension in his voice as he pulled her close to him and turned into the darkness.

"a little warning!" she gasped, getting her breath back as he rushed around the little cottage casting various spells and causing packed bags to zoom towards them.

"what do you think is wrong?"

"I don't know," he murmured, his brow furrowed in concentration as he perched on the edge of the sofa, trailing his wand over the letter.

She waited for a few minutes until he sighed and threw the letter on the floor.

"It's real, it's from him, I'm sure."

"you thought it might be a trap?"

"I don't know, no one knows we're away, no one who saw us getting married can tell anyone we are married, the privacy and secret charms set on the tent ensure that, I am certain I set them myself. Anyone who does not know we are married cannot even see our rings, a disillusionment charm and a notice-me-not will hide them."

"but it is real, we have to go now Severus, what if something bad has happened? What if someone-"

"hush, hush, my love," he whispered, pulling her into his lap and rocking her back and forth slowly.

"I'm scared," she whispered.

"I know, my little one, I know…"

"we have to go now, we can't stay here, they need us."

He nodded. "I'll send our things to Spinner's End, now hold onto me; I'll apparate us both to headquarters."

She wrapped her arms around his waist, wand clutched tightly in her hand and they turned together into the black.

Severus had apparated them to the green across from number twelve Grimauld Place as a safety precaution, however looking up at the great house only they could see, everything appeared to be normal. He saw two red haired twins peering out from one of the fourth floor windows and decided it was safe enough.

He glanced around him and then walked towards the door, hearing Serena hurrying along behind him. When they stepped into the musty hall they were ambushed by Sirius and Samuel with little Max who launched himself into Serena's arms. She hugged him warmly, but her attentions were on the men who looked solemn.

"Bertha Jorkins has been found alive in a muggle brothel in London."

There was a pause whilst Severus ran through all the possibilities in his head that this could be true.

"where is she?" Serena asked, putting Max down gently on the floor.

"In the interrogation room."

"let's go."

She took Severus' hand and they marched downstairs to the basement, closely followed by Sirius.

"how was she found?" he asked Sirius.

"just coincidence," he muttered quietly.

"who found her?"

"I did."

There was a long pause.

"Sirius… what were you doing in a muggle brothel?"

"Look, can we stray away from my sex life and get back to infinitely more important matters at hand?" he snapped, causing Severus to whirl round at him, his wand outstretched in his hand.

"don't you speak to her like that."

The two men glared at each other for a few moments before Serena nodded. "we'll talk about this later," she said in a tired voice before putting her hand in the crook of Severus' arm and moving him along gently.

When they reached the interrogation room, the corridor was crowded. Through the dim light of the oil lanterns and the criss-cross of shadows on the wall it was hard to see who was there and when Serena shrieked loudly, it took Severus too long to realise why.

She looked horrified and terrified and she was pointing her wand directly at the misshapen face of Alastor Moody.

"Serena! Serena no! Don't do it, don't, it's not him, it's not Crouch this is… this is the real Moody… not…" Remus trailed off as Serena's face crumpled and her wand dropped to her side.

"Oh god… Alastor I'm…"

He shook his head. "I think it will be a while before you are comfortable around me child. Don't you worry about it, I'm still not over it myself yet."

She nodded slowly and looked around at everyone else.

Remus and Alastor were standing next to Minerva, Arthur Weasley and Tonks who were murmuring in low voices whilst throwing glances at the door behind them.

"where is Albus?" Severus asked.

"In the observation room."

He pushed through the crowd and walked in, finding Albus staring through the one way looking glass, a small frown on his brow.

The interrogation room consisted of a simple wooden desk and two wooden chairs opposite from each other. On one of the chairs, facing them was a small girl of about eighteen years old. Her face was gaunt and her eyes hollow and ghostly and beneath a black robe that was covering her, Severus could see black negligee, confirming Black's story about the brothel.

Her brown hair hung in big girls down her back and the make up on her face almost made her look pretty. But her eyes… her eyes were dead, lifeless, empty.

Severus shivered. It reminded him of Serena's eyes from when she had been cursed. He unconsciously twisted his ring around on his finger as he gazed into this younger girls face.

"give me half an hour with her."

"you are sure that is wise?"

"I am."

"Then you may have your half an hour. What do you need?"

"I shall summon my potion case, that's all."

"shall I accompany you?"

"no, but I would like Arthur Weasley to sit in. Apparently she used to sell Daily Prophets on his floor. He will be familiar to her."

"as you wish."

Severus strode into the interrogation room, his back straight, his figure imposing and his expression unreadable. Being intimidating was a weapon he could use at the moment and a reason why he had asked Arthur to wait outside, until he was one hundred percent sure this was really Bertha.

He slammed his potions case down on the desk, causing her to jump, yet she did not look at him.

He parked himself in the chair opposite her and pulled out three potion bottles, setting them down on the table in front of them and vanishing the rest. He then lent across the table and looked into her eyes.

"look at me," he said in a harsh voice, knowing that it was probably his greatest weapon.

Her eyes flickered to his, widening slightly as she took in their immense depth.

"your name."

She said nothing.

"tell me your name," he said more firmly.

There was a long pause.

"water," she said in barely a whisper.

He conjured a glass, cast the _aguamenti _spell and thrust it to her across the table, causing some to splash over the desk.

She drank it all quickly and set the glass down with shaking hands.

"name."

"B-Bertha Jorkins."

"age."

"I don't know."

Severus looked closely at her face. He remembered the photos and articles in the newspaper after her disappearance. He remembered her sitting quietly at the back of his potions class. Everyone had assumed she had been killed by the Dark Lord, yet Severus was sure this was her.

He handed her a potion he had created and patented after recent events.

"drink."

She pressed her white lips together and shook her head.

"drink it or I will force it down your throat," he said in a murderous tone.

She shook her head and Severus shot up, his chair banging back on the stone floor behind him. He stalked round the table, grabbed her by the throat and forced her mouth open. She struggled against him, her eyes bulging and hands scratching but Severus had her secured by ropes with a wave of his wand. He poured the red liquid down her throat and pressed her mouth shut, squeezing her nose and forcing her to swallow. Her eyes watered at the taste and he only released her when he was sure she had swallowed it all. He loomed over her, watching her closely and when he was sure she was not reacting to the potion he spoke.

"that was a concoction to ensure you are not being veiled by polyjuice potion. The next one is to ensure you are not wearing any concealment charms, glamours, transfigured objects or cloaks of disillusionment. Would you like to drink it yourself or shall we have a repeat performance?"

She let out a broken sob and managed to whisper, "self." Severus untied one of her hands and handed her the vile that she brought shakily up to her lips, tipping it back and drinking it all.

Tears streamed down her pale face and yet there was no reaction to the potion.

"The third potion is Veritaserum, a truth potion. One drop will have you spilling all of your secrets, known or unknown. Now drink."

He pressed the bottle containing a tiny amount into her hand and she looked at him through her tears.

"please," she whispered. "please."

"Drink it."

She raised it to her lips and took the few drops before Severus vanished all of the bottles and resumed his seat on the chair opposite her.

When her eyes had gone glassy and her expression was relaxed he spoke.

"What is your name?"

"Bertha Jorkins."

"How old are you?"

"I don't know."

"Where did you go to school?"

"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"What house were you sorted into?"

"Ravenclaw."

Severus was silent a moment. It was her, it was really her. This poor girl sitting in front of him had been subjected to torture and abuse from the Dark Lord. How was she still alive?

His eyes moved over her weak form. She reminded him so much of Serena. Perhaps it was the tragedy of their pasts, yet they even looked similar and Severus felt such pity for the girl.

"Tell me how you met the Dark Lord."

"I was on holiday. I met a man. He persuaded me to walk with him. He was… persuasive. I told him about Hogwarts. I was on my summer break. I told him about the Triwizard Tournament. He was kind to me. He gave me food. Then I needed to leave. He wouldn't let me leave."

"What then, Bertha? Tell me what happened next? "

"I don't remember."

He sat back in his chair and watched her carefully. He could feel all the eyes on his back, concealed behind the glass.

"Arthur, can you come in here please?"

The door opened and Arthur walked in, conjuring a chair and taking a seat next to Severus. They looked odd together, he thought. Good cop, Bad cop, the muggles would say.

"Bertha do you know who this man is?"

"Arthur Weasley. Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office."

"How do you know him?"

"In the holidays I sold Daily Prophets to his floor in the Ministry of Magic."

"Do you know who _I _am?"

"Professor Severus Snape, Potions Master at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"How did you get to be in London?"

"I don't know."

"Where do you work?"

"Tracey's Fun House."

"How long have you been working there?"

"I don't know."

"What is your job?"

"We wait in the room. We make ourselves look good. We wait for a customer. We take them to one of the rooms. We have sex or perform other sexual acts with them. They pay us. Our money is taken from us. We eat and drink. We sleep. We wake up and wait in the room."

"okay, okay thank you."

There was a pause.

Arthur spoke next, his voice more gentle than Severus'. "Do you know where you are?"

"I don't know."

He turned to Severus. "there's nothing more we can get out of her. She's got brain damage or has been cursed, or her memory has simply blocked itself to protect itself. I'm sure I don't have to remind you about Serena. Is it wise to use the same potion on Bertha, do you think?"

Severus thought for a moment. "It is worth a try."

He conjured his potions bag back and rummaged for a moment in its great depths before pulling out the memory replenishing potion and setting it on the desk.

He pushed it towards her.

"drink," he said quietly, before adding a quick, "please."

She raised the bottle to her lips and drank it down, the glazed look still on her face. They waited a whole minute but there was no change to her expression.

"How did you get to be in London?" he tried again.

"I don't know."

"Tell me how you met the Dark Lord."

Bertha repeated the same story, but she could remember no more than before and Severus was forced to give up.

"It's physical damage, or a curse. We will do no good breaking it."

"She needs Poppy."

Severus nodded.

"Can someone summon her for tomorrow?" he spoke to the unseen people behind them. "We should move her to a room upstairs. Ensure she is watched twenty four hours a day. No one is to leave her alone, understand? Not in the shower, not in the bathroom, not when she's eating or sleeping, she is to be watched at all times. We must take it in turns."

Arthur had moved around the table and was talking to the girl quietly. He took her hand and she stood up shakily before collapsing back into her chair.

"How are we getting her upstairs, she can hardly stand," Arthur said, sadness lacing his voice.

"I shall take her, she needs to rest. I'll take first watch too."

He walked over to Bertha who still looked oblivious to her surroundings. He leant down and scooped her up in his arms, her head automatically nestling against his shoulder.

Arthur opened the door for him and he was greeted by an empty corridor. The observation room opened and Albus emerged. "I shall send someone to swap with you in two hours."

He nodded. "Might I ask Serena to join me?"

Albus inclined his head and Serena walked out from behind them, smiling sadly at the girl in his arms.

"I am sorry to cut short your time together," he apologised.

"It could not be helped," Serena said simply before leading Severus up the stairs.

A room had been set up for Bertha on the third floor, next to Samuel's room and opposite Sirius and Remus'. The room contained only a bed and a sofa, as the other objects had been removed in case she hurt herself.

She had fallen asleep in his arms and he lowered her onto the bed gently, brushing the hair from her face.

Serena watched him with a sad smile on her face.

"She reminds me of you," he said in a hoarse voice, watching the poor girl.

Serena walked up behind him and linked her arm through one of his. "I thought so."

"The times when I've carried you like that… When Kingsley died… When Crouch hurt you… The troubles of both your pasts, the way your minds blocked themselves, the emptiness in her eyes, the way she looks so vulnerable and yet I remember her to be a healthy student, quiet but strong willed…"

"We'll get her through this," Serena whispered. "She has us now; we'll take care of her."

He nodded, wondering why he felt so protective, almost fatherly, of this young girl. "Can you change her? Minerva left some pyjamas on the sofa. I shall wait outside."

Serena changed Bertha into the pink pyjamas Minerva had left. Her body was covered in small white scars, much like she had seen on Severus' and her imagination shivered. She didn't want to think about the torture this poor girl had suffered. She vanished the underwear and replaced it with fresh, cotton pants, imagining that the girl would want to be rid of any reminder of her past career. When she was dressed, and in a sleepy state between consciousness and not, she called in Severus. He nodded his approval and tucked the blanket around the girl before settling on the sofa and pulling Serena into his lap.

He held her to him silently, stroking her hair and rocking her gently against him and Serena knew it was not for her benefit this time. Severus needed to be comforted by her presence. She thought he had been reminded of the times when she had been similar to Bertha, and that he needed to be reassured she was whole, safe and well. She kissed his neck softly and told him she loved him and eventually he shut his eyes and stilled.

"I feel protective of her and she's only been here five minutes," he said in a scratchy voice, as though it hurt him to say these words. "I don't understand…"

"You look on her like a daughter," she said softly. "I can see it in your eyes."

He nodded and looked away from her. "It scares me."

She nestled her head against his neck and kissed him softly, knowing it helped him not to have her watching his every expression. "It's probably a good thing."

"I don't care about people as you do, Serena. If I'm honest you and Albus are probably the only people in the world I do care about. I have a few friends but I don't really care if they're upset or… I don't like this…"

"don't shut it out," she whispered. "This girl needs someone. She needs a Father, she needs someone to be protective of her. Let her know. Be firm but fair, help her recover."

He nodded and kissed the top of her head before tightening his arm around her.

"She's only five years younger than you."

"In years perhaps," Serena replied. "We will have to wait and see how she develops as a person."

"Indeed."

There was a long pause whilst Severus ran his hands through Serena's hair and her head dropped onto his shoulder.

"I am sorry," he said eventually, "that our time in Italy was cut short."

"As am I, but it can't be helped."

He nodded thoughtfully. "Maybe we'll go back someday."

"I would love that very much, my husband."

"Me also, my little one."


	75. Chapter 74

Severus and Serena sat quietly together in Bertha's room until there was a small knock on the door and Remus entered. Now Serena really looked at him she noticed he looked tired and worn and unhappy and his eyes were red and bloodshot.

"I'll meet you downstairs," she said to Severus quietly. She shut the door behind him and took Remus' hand, pulling him into the middle of the room and looking up into his face.

"Are you okay?" she asked sadly.

Remus' face crumpled and he shook his head; his lips pressed close together and his eyes watery. She pulled him into a hug and he wrapped his arms around her tightly, letting tears fall down his cheeks.

"hush, hush, it's going to be okay Remus, it's okay, don't worry, it's going to be okay."

Once Remus had calmed himself, they sat on the sofa and she clasped his big hands in her own small ones.

"let it out Remus," she said sadly. "tell me what happened?"

"We've been rowing for weeks, probably months," he sniffed. "Just little things and then he'd start disappearing for an afternoon or an evening… I thought I was being paranoid or clingy or whatever but... But then he comes home, a few nights before your wedding and he's smelling of a woman, some cheap perfume. He tried to deny anything, but God I'm a wolf you know how damn sensitive my nose is! And then he walked out on me and whatever… we seemed happy again at the wedding, he apologised and it seemed okay and then… and then this… he was in a brothel… a whorehouse… fucking some girl…" Tears streamed down his face and Serena wrapped her arms around him again.

'It's okay, my sweet," she crooned. "if you still want to, you can sort it out, you love each other, I know you do. Sirius is probably just confused… you know how uncomfortable he's always been with commitment, he's probably just adjusting or something… hush, it's okay…"

She sat with him until she was sure he would be okay and then she went back downstairs, anger coursing through her. She found Sirius in the kitchen, knocking back Firewhiskey and glaring at Severus who was sitting with Samuel on the other side of the room.

She marched straight up to Sirius and slapped him across the face. He dropped his glass and swore, his hand coming up to his face as he glared at her. "What the bloody hell was that for?" he cried.

"you fucking well know what that was for," she hissed, resisting the urge to hit him again. "sort yourself out or get out; you don't deserve him."

"this is none of your-"

"It is every bit my business," she glared. "you get to bed this instant Sirius Black or I'll curse you so bad you won't be able to sit down for a week. And sleep in the spare room, you will not set foot in his room until you've thought about your actions and their consequences. Now get out of my sight!"

He scowled at her before looking around defiantly at the dissaproving faces. He finally moved passed her, slamming the door behind himself and cursing under his breath.

Severus had swept to her side in an instant. "what was that about?"

She sighed and got a glass from the cupboard before pouring herself a glass of Sirius' Firewhiskey. She stopped when she saw Severus' raised eyebrows.

"I'll just have the one," she promised.

She sat down with it at the table with Samuel and Severus. "Sirius has cheated on Remus, although I'm sure you worked that much out from the location he found Bertha at."

There was a pause. "Poor Remus." Samuel said quietly, playing with the glass in his hand. "I know how it feels…"

Serena squeezed his arm gently. "what's your situation with Katie now?"

"she's filing for a divorce. I got the papers from the ministry yesterday, I can't bring myself to sign them yet. It's all so quick…"

"At least you can move on now, you and Max don't need her, you have each other, you have friends who love you, and Remus has said how much he loves having little Max in the house. Sign them when you're ready Samuel, but as you leave her family you're joining ours."

He smiled a raised his glass. "Order of the Phoenix."

They toasted quietly and chatted for a while until Severus stood up.

"It's two am, we should sleep."

"are we staying here or going home?"

"I think here is best, I shall need to talk with Bertha in the morning. I've brought our travel bags over."

"goodnight then Samuel."

"Serena, Severus."

They took their normal room on the second floor, after passing Sirius, fast asleep on the sofa in the living room, a bottle of Firewhiskey clutched loosely in his hand.

"I can't believe that the other night we were watching the golden honey bees pollinating their heather on the cliffs of the Italian coast," Serena smiled as she changed into her nightshirt and shorts.

"I can't believe that you think you'll get away with putting them pyjamas on. We may not be in our home but I sure as hell want you naked in my bed, witch."

She laughed as he pulled her beneath the covers and pulled off her clothes. He gathered her in his arms, spooning her from behind and pressing one of his legs between her own.

"Goodnight wife," he mumbled, kissing the top of her head.

"'Night Husband."

* * *

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!"

"Bertha, Bertha it's okay, we're here to help you," Remus said quietly, stretching out his hand as though to try and calm her.

"NO! STAY BACK!"

Severus and Serena rushed into the bedroom at that moment, finding Bertha standing up against the wall, a wand in her hand, pointing at them.

"where did she get that wand from?"

"She grabbed it when I wasn't looking," Fred Weasley interjected. "It wasn't my fault!"

"Are you a complete dunderhead!" Severus growled, pushing past him and stepping into the middle of the room. "get out, both of you!"

The Weasley twins scattered and Severus approached the frightened girl slowly, his wand in one hand.

"Miss Jorkins, can you look into my eyes please?"

She jerked her eyes up to meet his.

"I want you to listen to my voice carefully and look into my eyes. Do you know my name?"

"S-Severus S-Snape."

"That is correct. I need you to realise that I am not going to hurt you, but if you hurt me I will have to respond to that. I am a fully grown wizard, Miss Jorkins, and a teenage girl who has not been in possession of a wand in a while is not a difficult obstacle for me to overpower. However when I look in your eyes, Miss Jorkins I see that you are scared and unsure of why you are here. We are here to help you recover, but you must begin to trust us."

The girl's hands shook and her bottom lip began to wobble as she lowered her wand and whispered in a tearful voice, "It's B-Bertha."

She stumbled forward, dropping the wand on the floor and throwing her arms around Severus' waist, crying into his chest hysterically.

He stiffened for a moment, having always been uncomfortable with hysterics, but Serena approached them slowly, taking his arms and guiding them around the sobbing girl. She smiled at him and nodded and he took the initiative to rub the girl's back in a calming manner until she had stopped crying.

Severus cleared his throat and stepped back from her. "You need to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"I don't care."

There was a pause and then she eventually nodded.

"First, I should introduce you to the others. This is Remus Lupin, and this is Serena."

She nodded at both of them nervously. "Serena what?"

Serena's eyes glanced to Severus' and he nodded his agreement.

"Serena Snape," she said smiling.

Bertha's eyes glanced from hers to Severus' and back again.

"Serena is my wife," Severus said eventually.

She nodded slowly. "she seems okay," she said to Severus, eyeing Serena nervously.

He smirked, "She is more than okay. Serena will look after you; don't hesitate to ask her anything. She will take you down to the kitchen and get you something to eat."

Serena held out her hand, smiling at the girl who immediately looked at Severus in an alarmed manner.

"come on, we'll get something to eat and then I'll get some proper clothes for you."

She took a tentative step towards Serena and took her hand uncertainly.

Serena felt how absolutely terrified the girl was and she tried to calm her by chatting casually on the way down to the kitchen.

"This is the headquarters of the Order of the Phoenix; we're an organisation fighting against the Dark Lord. There's quite a few of us in the Order and the number is likely to increase, so whilst you're living here you might see lots of different people running about the place."

"You live here?"

"Some of the time," she replied in a cheery voice. "Severus and I both teach at Hogwarts so in term time we reside there, but otherwise we have a house on the outskirts of London."

"why are you staying here?"

"Because we needed to make sure you were okay," she smiled, squeezing the girl's hand and leading her into the kitchen where a few people were gathered.

"guys, I'd like to introduce you to Bertha." They all know of course who she was, but Serena thought it would be more normal for her if she thought they didn't.

"This is Samuel, and his little boy Max. Max likes playing Quidditch with me, don't you hun?"

He beamed and nodded and skipped over to the pair, holding out his hand for Bertha to shake. There were a few chuckles and a bewildered Bertha shook his hand gently.

"That's Tonks with the pink hair and next to her is Sirius." Her eyes met Sirius' and she was glad he was the first one to look away.

She sat Bertha down and summoned her some toast to nibble before getting a glass of water herself and taking her medication.

"what are they for?" Bertha asked quietly, indicating the potions bottles and pills Serena was consuming.

She shrugged, "I've been in the wars a bit recently, but no worries… still here… and then this potion is to control my elementarial magic. I can control water, earth, air and fire and if I don't take this potion I can sometimes not realise I'm doing it, or I can loose control of things, so this makes sure I don't."

She looked confused but eventually nodded and began to eat the toast. Afterwards, Serena fished out a pair of her jeans and a t shirt she thought would fit her.

"much better," she smiled when she had changed. "we'll have to feed you up a bit, but otherwise you'll be fine sweetie."

Bertha nodded again slowly. "when did you meet Professor Snape?"

"Severus? We met almost two years ago, but we've been a couple for about six months, maybe less."

"married quickly."

"yes, but recent circumstances encouraged that. Plus, we know it's forever…"

"how do you know?"

Serena smiled, "because we love each other."

"everyone says that."

"perhaps, but we know. You have only just met us. Make your decision in a few weeks… He feels very protective of you."

"he makes me feel safe" she whispered, her eyes wide. "I never feel safe…"

"I know sweetie, but you _are_ safe now, this is probably the safest place in the world, apart from Hogwarts of course. Now eat up, or Severus will come and force it down you."

She settled Bertha for a nap in her room and left Tonks with her.


	76. Chapter 75

When she descended back down into the kitchen she found Sirius sitting alone with a glass of gin in front of him.

She vanished it immediately and sat next to him. "What went wrong Sirius?" she asked in a gentle voice laced with sadness and concern.

"me," he said in a hoarse voice. "I went wrong, I ruined it, I ruined everything."

"it's not beyond repair."

"it should be," he snapped. "I don't… I don't know what's wrong with me, Serena. I love him, I was happy and then…"

"then what? Tell me Sirius, you need to hear it yourself."

"and then I saw you and Snape and… you were just so damn _happy_ and made for each other and we had nothing. We rowed a lot, I was happy with him but when I look at you, you look like the happiest woman alive."

"Oh Sirius, my love. Severus and I argue like mandrakes when we get going. Love is the most important thing, and I know you love Remus."

"Then why do I feel like he isn't enough?" he said desperately.

"Because you don't understand that you need to stop looking. You've found him, Sirius. You've found that fiery redhead to force you down the aisle. You remember saying that to me?"

He nodded slowly. "I just think… maybe I don't want to settle down with a man? What if that's not how it's supposed to be… when I was with those women… I don't know it was different and exciting and…"

"If it's your sexual needs that aren't being met then you need to talk to Remus about it. Perhaps he feels the same? You know how well he conceals his secrets."

"It's not, I don't, I just, fuck it: I want a child Serena…"

Serena was shocked by his statement and there was a long moment of silence.

"is that what this woman thing is about? You want a child?"

He shrugged. "I see Sam with Max and I want that… I want to be a dad so bad and I want it with Remus, I just know that it's not that simple, I mean…"

"you can adopt Sirius, it's no problem."

"The only way the Ministry would give a child to a gay couple in the Order would be if all the others were taken."

"What about muggle adoption?"

Sirius shrugged. "I've always imagined teaching my child to play Quidditch and cast spells…"

"you should try the ministry, you might be surprised, it's not unheard of. But you have to be sure, Sirius. You can't bring a child into a family because you think it will solve all your problems. You have to make things work, no matter what, for this child."

He nodded and rubbed his head. "I want to be a Dad… and I want Remus beside me, being one too…"

A movement in the doorway made both of them turn. Remus was standing there, gazing at Sirius, his eyes shimmering. "Do you mean that?" he asked, his voice hopeful but cracked from tears.

Sirius nodded, scraping his chair back and moving to meet Remus.

"Rem, I'm so fucking sorry. I'm so sorry, please, please give me another chance, I love you, you know I do, please…"

"I'll give you guys some space," Serena mumbled, slipping past them and hurrying back upstairs.

Severus was emerging from the office on the first floor with Albus behind him. "Ah, Serena my dear," Albus beamed. "do come in for a coffee, you must tell me everything about your little trip!"

Serena could tell from Severus' body language that he wanted to talk to her and so she promised she would tomorrow.

He pulled her into an empty bedroom and locked the door, waving his wand and casting privacy spells too.

"I need your council," he admitted, turning to her. "I am meeting with the Dark Lord tomorrow. Albus thinks I should tell him the girl has been found in order to gain more information about her circumstances and to understand why the Dark Lord released her."

"what is your issue?"

"If she was not meant to live he may order for her death."

"Surely a girl is not hard to find for the Dark Lord. Would he not have killed her by now?"

"Perhaps. But perhaps he never intended for her to fall into the hands of the Order. What if he has not cursed her mind heavily enough, and fears that one day we will break her."

"why are you having this conversation with me and not Albus?"

"because I can't tell if my judgement is compromised by emotion." His voice was almost desperate and Serena found it odd to here him sound almost vulnerable. She thought carefully.

"Bertha is safe in this house. The Dark Lord could not order you to kill her, he believes he needs his spy in the Order. Therefore, even if he does want to destroy her, he could not, and all you have to do is reassure him that the Order are not pressing the matter any further. Convince him she is no threat to him."

"That was my thinking," he said in a relieved voice, suddenly looking tired.

She took his hand and pulled him to sit on the edge of the bed. "you need to take your mind off things," she murmured, kissing his neck whilst undoing the buckle of his belt. She slipped off the bed and moved onto her knees before him and Severus suddenly realised what she meant.

"Serena-"

"mm?" She replied, taking him out of his trousers and licking her lips.

"please, don't feel you are obliged-"

"I feel I _want_" she whispered, leaning forward and taking him into her mouth.

Half an hour later, a flushed looking Severus and Serena emerged from the bedroom, bumping straight into the Weasley twins with their arms crossed and their eyebrows raised, an identical smirk on both their faces.

"Bertha wants to speak to you," one of them said.

"We thought we'd wait 'til you were…"

"… finished," the other one finished, earning a snarl from Severus.

"you weren't very long" one blurted, earning a smack on the arm from Serena who thought it best to take control of the situation before Severus cursed them to oblivion.

"get away you two or I'll tell Albus to give you sexual health lessons."

They fled.

Serena took Severus' hand and they went up the stairs together. "boys will be boys," she sighed.

Severus merely grunted.

"Bertha? You wanted us?" Serena said, lingering in the doorway to her room.

"I wanted to talk to Professor Snape…"

"Severus, please," he corrected quickly.

"I'll leave you guys to it then, just send us a patronus if you want me," she smiled, shutting the door as she left.

Two hours later an uncomfortable looking Severus descended downstairs and slid into the busy kitchen.

"Where is Serena?" he asked a happy looking Remus.

"She went back to Spinner's End I think. Won't you stay for a drink Severus?"

He declined, walking to the fireplace and flooing home. "Serena?"

"Down here," she called from behind the concealed doorway to his right. Odd, he thought, Serena never normally went into his potions lab.

He pushed open the door and found her standing in the middle of his potions store cupboard, her eyes closed and her expression calm. The moment reminded him of last year when she used her skills to find a potion he had been looking for by visualising the amount of water included.

"What are you doing?"

"Finding Polyjuice Potion, why isn't everything organised alphabetically?"

"It's organised in groups depending on what they're used for, why do you want polyjuice?"

"Bertha needs clothes, shoes, belongings. I'll take her shopping whilst you're away tomorrow, it will take my mind off it."

He walked up behind her and circled her waist, tucking her head under his chin.

"found it!" she said suddenly, opening her eyes. "Third row, second shelf, fifth potion along."

"correct," he murmured, kissing her cheek with a wet open mouth and licking the shell of her ear.

"I thought the rule was no fooling around in the lab?" Serena teased, pressing her bum back into his crotch and rubbing against him.

"who came up with that rule?"

"never mind," she said, spinning around and pressing her lips to his.

"Mrs. Snape are you trying to fool a legilimens?"

"Perhaps I am, Professor."

"I shall have to-" Severus stopped suddenly and pressed a hand over Serena's mouth, warning her with her eyes to be silent before he released her. "The apparition alarms just went off," he murmured, looking up the stairs. "no one apparates here, they all floo, unless it's a Death Eater. They'll be in the yard it has apparition holding charms, waiting for me to let them in."

He thought quickly about his option but eventually shook his head. "stay in here, stay silent and if you hear voices coming down here, hide."

With a whirl of his cloak he had hurried up the stairs, locking and heavily warding the door behind her. He opened the back door and came face to face with Lucius Malfoy.

"Lucius my old friend, what can I do for you?" he held out his hand that Lucius shook warmly before walking into the kitchen and taking off his leather gloves.

"Severusss," he hissed, taking the glass of sherry offered to him. "You are at the revel tomorrow?"

"Of course."

"Then I want to ask you to join a proposition I would like to put to our Lord."

"Indeed?"

"We need a fixed base, He understands thisssssss. I want to suggest Malfoy Manor, a perfect place don't you think?"

"Indeed Lucius, the finest Manor I've seen."

"Ssssssso you will back me?"

"I shall if I see the Dark Lord approve."

"Good, good. Well, that is all, send my regards to Albus," Lucius finished with a humorous laugh.

Severus forced a chuckle as well, despite the fact that he wanted to punch the man in the face.

"Well, see you tomorrow Severusssss, lots of pretty slutsssss to be used!"

"I can hardly wait," he replied dryly.

Lucius laughed and clapped him on the back before draining the remains of his sherry.

"Good day, Severusssss."

He apparated away and Severus was left alone in his kitchen feeling dirty and tainted. After he had vanished Lucius' glass and calmed himself, he unlocked the door to the basement. "Serena? You can come up, he's gone."

She emerged up the stairs to meet him shedding his robes and hitting them with cleansing charms before shrugging them on again.

She made no comment but she pressed a glass of wine into his hand as they settled down listening to music that evening. Severus stroked her hair absentmindedly and she played with the silver band on her finger.

"Bertha was asking me about you today."

"Oh?"

"She thought it was very fast of us to get married so soon. I told her it was okay because I knew we'd be together forever. She didn't understand how we could know."

"I don't understand how I know."

She smiled. "I don't think we need to know why. Knowing is more than enough."

"Indeed," he smiled, kissing her cheek softly.

"Can you tell me why she wanted to talk to you?"

He sighed. "I felt so bloody uncomfortable and helpless. She just wanted to talk about what had happened to her… I didn't know what to say, what to do… I just sort of held her and said all the wrong things…"

"I'm sure you did wonderfully."

He grunted. "Emotionally unstable teenagers aren't really my speciality."

"Just be patient and calm and try to understand. You deal amazingly well with me when I'm emotionally unstable," she smiled.

He kissed her cheek again. "you are my only exception."

"mm, I'm glad."

After a few minutes Serena spoke again, "What's this song? This isn't one of mine, is it?"

"No," he said, shifting uncomfortably behind her. "I… when you were… ill… I took your vinyl player to the hospital wing… I thought that maybe you might be able to hear something…"

"I thought… I thought I dreamt it," she whispered, smiling widely and turning her head to face him. "She's the One, Robbie Williams?"

He nodded silently.

Her eyes filled with tears. "You have the most beautiful soul," she whispered, kissing him soundly, her tears wetting his cheeks.

"Only because you can't see your own," he murmured, pulling her tighter against his body and wrapping a secure arm around her chest.

"Are we sleeping on here tonight?"

"apparently so," he replied. "now sleep my love."

And so she did.

* * *

"Anything!" Serena beamed, twirling around the shop floor. "we have no budget, I did some persuading with Severus last night."

"Anything?" Bertha gawped, looking around the giant muggle shopping centre.

"come on, let's get going."

That morning Serena had summoned a few hairs from a pretty muggle girl and had added them to Severus' polyjuice. As long as she took another dose at midday, Bertha could enjoy a day of girly shopping and pampering; the perfect therapy.

Seven hours, Twenty seven bags, four aching feet and minus three hundred and eighty pounds and sixty eight galleons later, the two girls stumbled into the hall of Grimauld Place in peels of laughter. With a wave of Serena's wand the bags were resized and unpacked and they went downstairs sporting their new muggle summer dresses.

Fred Weasley wolf whistled when they both entered and took up conversation with Bertha as they ate together at the table, a feat that did not go unnoticed by Serena. She sat with Samuel on the other side of the table, pushing the food around her plate and tapping her feet nervously against the floor.

"Are you always like this?" Samuel asked her.

"like what?" she said in a light voice, trying her best to smile at him.

"you don't kid me Serena."

She sighed and put her head in her hands. "My mind has hardly been on it all day, I've been so distracted by Bertha, and now I just know he should be back in a few hours and I worry in case he isn't…"

"he always comes back though, doesn't he?"

"There's a first time for everything," she shrugged. "I think I'm gonna go back home and wait for him…" She stood up and summoned some of her clothes from upstairs. "I'm turning in guys… see you tomorrow hopefully."

She bade everyone goodnight and slipped into the fire arriving in her empty home. She cast a heating charm on a blanket and curled up under it on the sofa, waiting.

At midnight she hopped with a dead leg into the dark kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine, reminding herself it would only be the one.

She put on some music but it soon got switched off when she remembered Severus' confession last night and tears began to well in her eyes. At two am she almost flooed back to Grimauld Place to beg someone to sit with her. The waiting was the hardest part for her and her hands began to shake.

Another glass of wine calmed her nerves slightly and at three am the floo activated.


	77. Chapter 76

She jumped off the sofa and then stopped in her tracks as a memo flew from the fire. Her hands trembled as she opened it. It was from Albus, telling Severus to go immediately to him to relay the events of the night when he returned. She sat down on the sofa with a strangled sob and then brushed her tears away impatiently. It would not do to cry.

Suddenly a searing pain shot through her left hand and her ring began to glow. She cried out from the pain, trying to heal it with her mind but there was no physical damage to heal. She crouched on the floor bent over, her eyes scrunched tight as she urged her brain to work out what was wrong. It took her only a moment:

The Fidelity Charm.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as the realisation rolled over her and she scrambled up and staggered to the kitchen sink, thrusting her hand under the fountain of ice cold water whilst she shook violently and sobbed in uncontrollable waves.

Half of her pain was not her own. She did not fear Severus cheating on her. She did not even consider the fact that he ever would. She cried hard because she knew what he was being forced to do tonight against his will, and she knew how much this would affect him. In his mind it was the lowest betrayal, not only because he was raping another woman, but because he would be aware the whole time that Serena was suffering for it.

She let out a strangled scream as the pain flared sharper and then stopped all together as Severus ended his inferno.

She cried and cried for much longer before she managed to choke a glass of wine down, followed by another. It calmed her slightly and she was able to clear herself up, knowing it would do Severus no good to see her so upset.

She sat on the sofa, rocking back and forth, back and forth. At around four am, Severus stumbled out of the fire, his robes askew and his eyes wild. Blood trickled down from his temple and mixed with the tears glistening on his cheeks and she felt her own well in response as she ran to him. He shouted out in anguish before she could reach him-

"NO! No, don't come closer, please, please" he begged, sinking onto his knees. From over a metre away Serena could smell the alcohol on him and she lowered herself to his level, tears in her eyes. He moaned a long animalistic sound as he wrenched at his own hair and hunched over to try and numb his pain.

"Tell me why," she whispered.

"I'm so corrupt," he slurred. "So dirty and vile… not worthy… don't touch…" He began scratching at his robes and she made the decision not to give him a sober up, feeling that he would be easier to handle without it.

"I will make you feel better, my love." She said, her voice breaking on the last syllable as tears cascaded over and swam down her cheeks in a river of despair.

"Serena, please, just leave me be, just go, leave me, please…" he begged, shaking his head and piercing her with his intense black gaze.

"In sickness and in health, for better or for worse," she murmured, reaching out bravely and taking his hand.

He hissed as though burnt and tried to pull away from her but she would not let go.

"let's get you cleaned up," she said calmly, guiding him to his feet and taking him upstairs. She half carried him as he muttered to himself about being unworthy as they made their way to their bathroom where she stripped him and then herself, before pulling him into the walk in shower. She sat him on the floor as he was unable to stand properly and knelt down beside him, lathering a cloth with soap and starting to clean his body and heal his wounds with her telempathic skills.

"see, all gone, all better," she sang to him as she soaped more and more of his body, working her way up his arms and down his chest, taking her time over the scars on his body before turning the hot water on and sitting them under it. She held him under the water and showered him with words of reassurance as she washed his hair as well. She led him to bed, changing him into black pyjama bottoms before tucking him under the covers, sitting with him and rocking him with her whilst crooning soft words until he fell asleep.

His face looked almost peaceful as he slept and he reminded her of such an innocent child in his behaviour. She knew that inside he was tormented and ripped apart and her mind wandered to what horrors he had had to witness or take part in that night. Eventually she got up, got changed and found his clothes, emptying their pockets before burning them. She didn't think Severus would care.

She went down into the basement and got a pepper up, a calming draught and a hangover potion for Severus in the morning which she set on the nightstand. She threw on a nightshirt and climbed into bed next to him, wrapping herself around his sleeping body and vowing to keep him safe.

She woke first the next morning, something she was glad of, and she showered and dressed quickly before returning to his side. She was unsure of what to do; would Severus prefer to have some time to think before he made himself confront her, or would he want to wake up with her at his side. She was scared that if she went downstairs, he would wake up and do something stupid. Her fear won and she decided to wake him.

She climbed onto the bed and stroked his face with light fingertips, kissing his forehead lovingly before nudging him slightly and making him stir. He rolled slightly and then stiffened, his breathing changing as the memories of the night before flooded him. She was sure he knew she was there but she kept quiet and just sat still, waiting for him to act.

In one fluid moment his eyes had jerked open and he had rolled off the bed into a standing position, looking at her as though she were an apparition.

She simply watched him and waited, trying to ignore the growing fear in the pit of her stomach.

He stared at her for a whole minute before swallowing and looking away.

"you need to take that off," he said eventually, his voice rusty as he looked back towards her.

"excuse me?"

"you need to take off the damned ring Serena!" he barked, looking disgusted with himself. "get it off!" When she didn't move he stalked towards her, wrenching her hand and trying to take the ring off. She struggled against him, pulling her hand out of his grasp.

"you will not take it away from me!" she shouted. "you will not run away Severus! You can't just end things because they got a little difficult! It's not that simple dammit! I need you to be strong for me!"

"strong for _you?_" he gasped. "no! _You_ are the one that needs to be strong! You can't tell me we can live our lives like this! I know what I did to you last night! I know what I put you through! How the fuck do you think I can fucking live with myself if I know I caused you that much pain! Because I was fucking raping another woman! Because I was too coward to say no! Because I couldn't fight the stupid unforgivable! Fuck!" he screamed the last word and let out a strangled roar as he wrenched himself away from her and punched the wall again and again, his knuckles and fingers breaking with sickening cracks. Tears poured down his cheeks as he screamed to himself and hit his head against the wall like an uncontrollable beast.

"I caused you pain!" he screamed. "I hurt you! How can I ever fucking forgive myself!"

Serena stumbled through her tears towards him, trying to stop his pain and suffering, to halt his unimaginable torment. She threw her arms around his waist, trying to get between him and the wall as she desperately begged him to stop.

"Please!" she sobbed, "Please Severus it hurts so much to see you like this, please, please stop, please!" She slid down the wall and clutched his leg, burying her face in the folds of his cloak. He stopped hitting the wall and looked down at her before sinking to the floor and pressing his forehead against his own. They looked at each other through tears and runny noses, both struggling to calm themselves.

"I'm so sorry," he gasped. "I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," she sobbed, cupping his face in her hands and trying to reassure him. "there's nothing to forgive, my love. Nothing, I love you, you know I love you, I know you love me, we're going to be alright me and you, we'll be alright."

He nodded and wrapped his trembling arms around her, pulling her into an awkward hug. She wiped her eyes and nose over his shoulder and when they pulled back she saw he had done the same and they looked much cleaner and better. Their breathing had calmed and he clutched her hands tightly as he kissed her and nuzzled his face into her neck, breathing in her smell and kissing her pulse point sweetly.

"let me fix your hand," she murmured, taking his hand in hers. The skin was purple and just starting to swell as she shut her eyes and took his pain from him. She managed not to call out in pain and when her eyes reopened his hand was healed. When he drew it back there was a slight uncomfortable air as both recovered from their emotional outbursts. "I'm going to go and make tea," she sniffed eventually. "There's a hangover potion and a calming draught and a pepper up on the nightstand if you need them. Have a shower and then come down, we need to talk about things."

He nodded and looked like he wanted to say something but then his mouth shut and a pained expression crossed his face.

She put a steady hand on his arm and squeezed it gently. "I love you too." She left the room then and went downstairs into the kitchen, setting some water boiling before walking to the fireplace in the living room and throwing some powder in. She knelt on the floor and leant her head in the fire before shouting over the roar, "Grimauld Place!"

After the nauseating experience she was looking at the sofa in the living room… A sofa on which sat Fred Weasley with his arm around Bertha Jorkins. She cleared her throat and they both sprang apart, leaping from the sofa and looking guilty. Bertha's cheeks flushed red and Serena raised her eyebrows at them, about the only thing she could do- her knees were getting carpet burn.

"Fred can you tell everyone Severus is back safe, but he's staying here for a bit, and could someone please floo over our night things in a couple of hours? They're packed in a bag in our room."

"No probs Serena." Fred winked, his composure returning.

"You be careful now," she said, shooting a warning glance between the two of them. Fred had the good grace to look ashamed as she pulled back and returned to her living room again.

She clambered to her feet, readjusting her nightshirt and hurrying to make tea and put some toast on the grill. She set the tea and toast on the kitchen table and was just making a cup when a fresher looking Severus arrived. He was wearing comfy black sweatpants and a tight black t shirt and he looked undeniably sexy. Her eyes flickered to his left forearm and she noticed he had covered his tattoo with a bandage. He sat down and poured himself a hot cup but did not take a sip.

"We've got to be completely truthful with each other," she said softly. "I don't care about trying to protect the other one, we just need to be honest."

He cleared his throat and nodded. "how much did I hurt you last night?"

"Physically? The pain was quite bad, but I ran it under the tap and it cooled it a bit. Plus it only lasted about five minutes and I've been subjected to worse pain."

"and mentally? Emotionally? Psychologically?" The crease on his brow became more prominent and she recognised that self loathing within him again.

"It hurt me emotionally because I knew what you were being made to do. I knew that you would be hating yourself, loathing every part of your being for not only having to rape an innocent woman, but because you had to do it whilst knowing I knew, and was suffering because of it. I need you to understand though Severus; no part of me, not for a split second, thought that you were cheating on me. I knew what it meant immediately and I hold no blame or hurt towards you, I am only regretful that I could not stop your suffering."

"Last time I refused; I refused to rape those women and I protested as such this time, however Avery made some bloody comment about me being uptight lately and so Lucius cast the fucking _Imperius_ curse. Fuck Serena I tried so hard to fight it, so hard to be strong for you, but I'm there trying not to succumb and I'm trying to apply constant occlumency and I'm being aware there's fifty men in the room who wouldn't mind hexing my balls of at the moment and I just lost concentration… the next moment I'm there, fucking some helpless muggle… Afterwards I had the mercy to end her life… and then I couldn't get the images from my head and I just kept drinking and drinking to try and get rid of the guilt and the hatred and betrayal I felt… I wondered whether it would be better to end my life now, to leave you with money and memories to start your life anew, but I was so selfish! So selfish and cowardly and terrified at the thought of being without you!"

"Look at me Severus," she urged, grasping his hands and trying not to react at his immense feelings. "I need you to know I'll always want you in my life. I don't care if I'm as miserable as sin, as long as I'm with you, I feel safe and whole and alive. I don't think I could live without you. Vow to me!" she said suddenly. "make an unbreakable vow, here and now that you will not kill yourself ever!"

Despite the serious subject, Severus' face turned up into a sad smile. "Serena my darling, what happens if you break an unbreakable vow?"

"you die," she said obviously.

"so If I broke my vow…"

"oh." She smiled too then. "that was a stupid moment."

"Indeed." He turned serious again, "listen, you must know Serena, I am too selfish. I don't think I could ever leave you if my life depended on it. So let that be a worry off your shoulders. I will not vow, but I will promise to you, I will not try and commit suicide because I think you are better of without me or something. I promise with all my heart."

"Thank you," she whispered. "thank you so much, Severus."

"No, Serena. Thank _you_."

"what happened yesterday? I don't want to know in great detail, but it would help me to understand… did you tell Him about Bertha?"

He finally took a sip of his tea and shut his eyes briefly before finally speaking.

"No, I did not. I just couldn't, I couldn't risk her life like that just to get information that would probably not mean anything anyway."

"I think you've made the right choice."

"I hope so," he sighed, rubbing his eyes and looking suddenly old and exhausted. "Anyway, it was a dark revel… all of the Death Eaters were there, providing entertainment for _our Lord_," he said bitterly. "You must understand Serena… the person I become when I am there and the person I am around you are not linked at all. It's as though I have persona's all locked into separate boxes, never touching. The real me… the real me is the person you see: the person that loves you unconditionally and without boundaries."

"I understand," she smiled, grasping his hands but then her eyes slid down to his hidden forearm. "I want you to be yourself around me…"

He nodded and shut his eyes, understanding what she meant. "I am sorry, I just… it was just an immense reminder of yesterday's events."

"If you want to leave it on for a few days, that's okay," she said gently.

He nodded. "thank you for understanding."

"thank you for letting me."

He took another sip of his tea as she watched him proudly. He was so brave.

"I took Bertha shopping yesterday."

"oh?"

"We had a really good time. I think she really got to relax and just be a teenager for a while."

"I am glad you enjoyed yourselves. I imagine my bank account suffered?"

She smiled widely. "yep. Something else I think you should be aware of though- she seems to be getting rather close to Fred Weasley."

Severus scowled. "Already? And with that babbling idiot? God I thought she actually had an ounce of common sense!"

"yes well, Sirius said she wasn't known for her brains, but anyway I doubt it'll turn into much, just don't go getting too protective, let it unfold for now."

"mm…" there was a pause and both seemed glad that they had discussed a lighter topic.

"Come upstairs," she said eventually, smiling slightly. "let me claim you again, for you belong to me Severus, as much as I belong to you."

He quietly nodded, the hint of a sparkle in his eyes and she took his hand, guiding him upstairs to their bedroom where they slowly renewed their love.

An hour later they lay on their sides, kissing each other languidly, tongues playing gently together as they gazed into each others eyes.

"hello?" a call from downstairs echoed.

Severus groaned at the sound of Remus' voice.

Serena sighed and rolled over, "be there in a sec" she shouted, rolling out of bed and dragging on a skirt and bra. Severus handed her a t shirt before kissing her again. She moaned softly, "Remus will not appreciate us having sex in his presence."

He chuckled, "He'd probably try and join in."

"mm," she smiled seductively. "maybe we shouldn't rule it out."

He pulled a face, "I hope you're joking," he muttered, pushing her away.

She giggled and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him a last time. "of course I am… I think…" She winked and then hurried down the stairs to meet Remus standing in the living room. She gave him a tired apologetic smile and hugged him tightly.

"you look terrible," was his first comment.

She sighed and her shoulders sagged slightly. "it's been a long, long, night."

"he's back though?"

She nodded.

"Albus wants to know."

"well Albus can bloody well wait," she snapped.

"Serena, is everything okay?"

"I can't talk about it now…"

He nodded, "I understand, I'll be at Grimauld Place all day, so don't hesitate to drop in."

"I'll be there after dinner probably, Sev has to report to Albus sometime I guess."

He nodded. "well I brought your things anyway."

"Thank you Remus, it's good to see you looking happy again."

He smiled, "it's good to feel it."

They hugged again and he flooed back to Grimauld Place again. She felt hands encircle her stomach and she leant back onto Severus' strong chest.

"what did he want?"

'he was dropping off our things is all."

"mm. Well now you smell of wolf, I think I'm going to have to reclaim _you_, wife."

She smiled, "well make it quick, we have to go across to Grimauld for dinner."

Severus was fast but not too fast and they added flushed red cheeks to their visage of tired bloodshot eyes and pale skin when they entered Grimauld Place. Everyone was gathered in the kitchen being served Molly's chicken stew and so they all noticed Serena and Severus' state of exhaustion. No one commented, but eyes followed them as they took their meals into the living room to eat alone.

After a quiet lunch, Severus went upstairs to speak to Albus and Serena's solitude was interrupted by Remus. He hovered at the door until she smiled and beckoned him in. He shut the door and locked and warded the room with silencing charms and sealing charms to prevent the Weasley's new invention: Extendable Ears. He sat down next to her on the sofa and waited for her to talk. She tried to smile bravely under his gaze but eventually she let the façade drop and her expression grew pained.

"It was horrible Remus," she whispered. "It was one of the most terrifying nights of my life."

Her face crumpled and Remus pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back comfortingly and stroking her hair.

"The things he had to do yesterday," she said weakly. "the things he goes through every time he goes there, and no one here has any idea… it's horrific… And our rings," she continued, playing with her silver band and showing Remus. "they're embedded with full fidelity charms… and yesterday he was put under the fucking Imperius curse and forced to rape a woman… God Remus it hurt so fucking much…"

"Serena my sweet, oh Serena, can't you remove the charm?"

She shook her head. "I wouldn't want to, Remus, even if it were possible… It means so much to both of us to have this vow of fidelity."

"When did he get back then?"

"Early hours of the morning… He was off his head with drink, injured, and talking about how he was unworthy and had betrayed me… It was all I could do to bathe him and get him into bed… it was this morning that was the worst bit."

She squeezed the bridge of her nose and willed herself not to cry anymore. "He was furious with himself. He shouted and shouted and tried to get my ring off me, he begged me to leave him, to be better without him. He started hitting the wall and banging his head against it as though he were mad! I thought he was! He was terrifying! Like some raving animal! My god Remus it hurt me so much to see him like that… to see him so tormented inside himself…"

Remus put his arm around her and pulled her closer and she rested her head on his shoulder. "I flung myself at him. I begged him to stop, I collapsed at his feet and begged him not to leave me… and then he fell to the floor with me and he was sobbing his heart out… god it kills me to think about it…"

"hush, hush," he murmured, rubbing her arm warmly. "You get through it," Remus murmured. "you guys always do."

She nodded and wiped away her tears. "I told him I held nothing against him and he still begged me for forgiveness… And then I told him we'd be okay and we said how much we were in love… and then we sat down at breakfast and we talked openly about everything…"

"and then had mad bouts of sex?" Remus teased, trying to cheer her up.

She half sobbed half laughed, "something like that."

"well you both look dreadful, but after a good night's sleep tonight I imagine you'll feel much better."

She nodded and then hugged him again. "thank you Remus, thanks for listening to my rant, it means so much I have someone I can tell anything to. You know I'm always here for you, don't you?"

"Of course I do Serena," he smiled. "and don't worry, this is between me and you, I won't even tell Sirius."

"I love you," she said, smiling sadly.

"and I you my sweet."


	78. Chapter 77

Severus came down to the kitchen an hour later with Albus, feeling slightly depressed again. Albus had pressed him for every detail and relaying the events of the day before had darkened his mood. Serena, of course, sensed this, and she took her place at his side silently, brushing her fingers against his. It was small gestures like that that made him love her if possible even more. He resisted the sudden urge to drag her back to their house and claim her on the kitchen table, but he knew how much she liked to spend time around her friends.

They sat together on the end of the great table, apart from everyone else, just speaking to each other in small murmurs. Severus knew she knew he did not want to be crowded with people at the moment as so she silently met him half way; having her friends around, but not engulfed in meaningless conversation. He talked to her in a deep quiet voice, mostly about his conversation with Albus.

He was aware that Bertha was watching them for almost all of the meal and a slight jerk of the head from Serena indicated that she had noticed too. He turned his eyes on Bertha after a while and she hastily looked away, her cheeks burning red at being caught. He raised his eyebrows and turned back to Serena who simply shrugged.

They made their excuses early and retired back to the house. In the bedroom the blankets were on the floor and there was some blood spattered on the wall; evidence of the morning's disruption. Serena cleared them both away with a swift wordless wave of her wand and Severus was grateful.

"hurry up, witch" he murmured, as he lay in bed waiting for her. She had locked herself in the bathroom, saying she had to 'cleanse' her face, which Severus thought was a ridiculous excuse, seeing as she was already perfect. She had applied the occlumency he had taught her last year, and although he was terrible curious, he did not press the matter. He could hear her moving about in there, and a tiny part of him wondered if he should be worried.

However at that moment the lock clicked and the door swung open.

Serena stood in the doorway, smirking at his astonished face, her knee bent with a hand on her hip, accentuating her outfit. She must have bought them yesterday, Severus thought, because he had not seen this sexy outfit before. She was wearing a sheer black dress that fell a few inches short of covering all her bum. Under the translucent material Severus could see a lace black bra with a matching black thong attached to a garter belt and then suspenders holding up fishnet stockings. The outfit was finished off with four inch black heels and bright red nail varnish and lipstick.

He swung himself out of bed and stared open mouthed at his wife who was flashing him a sultry smile and a sexy wink.

He growled, a deep feral sound in the back of his throat as he circled his hands around her waist, moving down to squeeze her bum and pull her against him whilst he kissed and nipped at her neck.

"you naughty minx," he growled into her ear, biting it lightly and letting her feel his teeth scrape against her pulse point.

Serena let her head fall back; exposing more of her neck to him and providing him with a full view of her cleavage, as her hands grasped his hips tightly, squeezing in a manner sure to leave bruises.

He lifted the hem of her dress and pulled it up her body, letting her feel his cool hands against her hot skin as he lifted it agonisingly slowly. She lifted her arms in the air to help him and he dropped it to the floor, stepping forward to her body and forcing her up against the wall.

He kissed her roughly, forcing his tongue in her mouth, taking rather than giving and he was surprised to have her fighting for control, biting down on his bottom lip and scraping her nails down his cheeks, leaving trails of fiery passion behind.

Her hands wrenched at his black pyjama bottoms and he kicked them off as he turned her roughly away from him, pressing her up against the wall trapped by his raging body as he shoved aside her thong and made her body sing for him.

* * *

Severus woke early the next morning and he had the gift of seeing Serena asleep. She was sprawled face down on the blanket completely naked, with her hair tousled and her lipstick smudged.

It was hard to believe that twenty four hours ago they had been reduced to sobbing and incomprehensible threats and promises.

After twenty minutes of just staring at her in wonder, he forced himself to get up and shower. He dressed in black trousers and another black t shirt as he had to work in his lab all day, brewing various potions for Albus and the Dark Lord. Before he went downstairs, he summoned the elementarial potion for Serena and left it on the shelf in the bathroom where she would find it easily. He stroked the hair away from her face and let his little finger trace the smudge of her lipstick, the rest of which he'd had to scrub off his face [and stomach] that morning.

He made a quick coffee and settled himself in the lab, deciding that after he had finished his masters' potions, he would take the time to experiment with his new ingredient of golden honey.

The healing potions and other small ointments Madam Pomfrey had required were brewed first, followed by the Dark Lord's more serious concoctions of Veritaserum and _Paramorfius_, his new favourite torture method, designed to cause the victim's muscles to contract and spasm continuously, resulting in unbearable pain.

After five hours of working Serena came down, dressed in witch's red robes with black trim and carrying a cup of coffee and a sandwich for him. She knocked before entering and made sure to check he was not at an important part of the brewing or in the middle of counting rotations before talking to him.

"Afternoon professor," she winked, twirling over to give him a quick kiss.

He smirked and let his fingers brush her cheek gently. "you look very sexy this Afternoon," he murmured in her ear, "are you going out?"

"I'm going with Remus for drinks in the Three Broomsticks and then dinner in Hogsmeade."

"then why the seductive state of dress?" He frowned, trying to keep his tone light.

"because it's a very high class restaurant and there's a dance on afterwards."

"a what?"

"a dance," she said innocently.

"so you're going dressed like that to a posh restaurant and for a dance with the werewolf?" his tone was neutral but Serena sensed the darkness in his eyes and beneath his façade and she had to suppress the urge to roll her eyes.

"yep, that's right."

"might I ask why you are suddenly going out together?"

"well he knows the restaurant owner, and it's brand new, just being opened today."

"and instead of his lapdog he decides to take you?"

"well Sirius is working."

"Right."

"Problem?" she said in a high casual tone, willing herself not to laugh.

"no," he spat. "why would there be?"

"oh, I just thought maybe you might be a little jealous?"

Severus spotted her game and decided to play her at it, using his spy skills to out do her. "and why would I be jealous?" he shrugged.

"oh, I just thought, what with the dancing and Remus having his hands all over me, that you might be a little put out?"

"no." He frowned at her and then turned back to his potion.

"okay then, great," she paused, watching the back of his head.

"is that all?" he said without turning around.

"um…yeah…" she turned towards the door, feeling suddenly unwanted and had just reached it when he chuckled. She span around to meet him as he walked towards her, a smirk on his face.

"how can you believe I would not be jealous?" he said in a low, seductive tone. He reached her and trailed his hands along the curve of her hips. "you look absolutely amazing and I'm not going to be the one with my hands on you. I am insanely jealous, Serena. I'm trying out that thing called 'trust' at the moment and I'm finding it very difficult."

She pouted, "how did you know I was winding you up?"

"Serena my darling, your occlumency was never that good. You confirmed that last night when you said you were 'cleansing' your face."

She smiled reluctantly. "maybe we should start lessons again."

"mm," he thought. "I think if I am going to teach you, there are other things I would rather put first."

"such as?"

"defensive spells, healing spells, brewing, etc."

"whatever you wish."

"mm. Then I wish you'd stay for half an hour," he smirked, running his hands back up to her breasts.

She laughed and stepped back from him. "no chance Severus, you've been brewing for hours, your hair's all greasy and you smell of bat wings and bowtruckle dung. Not the sexiest look you could have gone for."

He scowled at her and she laughed and kissed him anyway.

"don't wait up!" she called as she hopped up the stairs, leaving him alone in the basement.

"wow," Samuel whistled as she slipped into the hall in Grimauld Place.

She waved him off and walked into the kitchen, her high heels click clacking on the wooden floor.

As she went into the kitchen she was met by Fred and George Weasley who both wore identical expressions of shock.

George cleared his throat. "You look um…"

"… different," Fred finished.

"mm," she said, raising her eyebrows but unable to hide the smirk on her face. "have you seen Remus?"

"he's upstairs trying to stop his tie from singing 'All we need is love'" Fred smirked.

"guys you never!"

They made identical expressions of innocence and she rolled her eyes just as a flustered looking Remus arrived. He was wearing a white shirt with black trousers and a red tie that was blurting the word 'love' over and over again in a high pitched squeaky voice.

She shook her head at the snickering boys as she took her wand to his tie and fixed the sound, before straightening his collar and pushing up the knot.

"there," she smiled, looking up into his face and then smiling. His mouth was open and his eyes wide as he looked straight down her cleavage unabashedly.

"Remus Lupin you should be ashamed of yourself," she chastened in her best teaching voice.

He blushed and mumbled something about her necklace as the twins laughed even harder behind her.

"come on then, my wolf," she smiled, taking the arm he offered. "Have a good day boys," she winked, before they opened the door and apparated away.

They had a few glasses of wine in the Three Broomsticks but the two of them were attracting a lot of attention and so they made their way to the restaurant, '_The Castle View_' at around five o' clock.

"Wow," Serena whispered as they walked in and were handed a glass of champagne each. The great dining room was decorated in red, blue, green and gold; the four colours of Hogwarts house, and there were house elves hurrying around carrying plates of piled up canapés. A grand piano and a violin were playing without a musician in the corner and people were already dancing in the adjoining golden ballroom.

Remus introduced her to 'Jonathan Meyers' the owner of the restaurant, a tall, well built man of about forty with a mop of brown hair and dark blue eyes.

"Well your date has stolen the limelight from me," he teased to Remus whilst Serena blushed, noticing that people were indeed actually watching her.

"This is Serena Lake, charms mistress at Hogwarts and a very dear friend of mine," Remus introduced her. "Serena, this is Jonathan, we were in the university of magic together, same dorm."

"nice to meet you," she smiled, shaking his hand and accepting his kiss on the cheek. She made excuses to go to the bathroom, giving Remus a chance to catch up with his friend.

"so the delectable Miss Lake is not your date then, Remus old boy?"

"no, no," he said quickly, "you know I'm with Sirius now."

"ah yes of course! So am I to understand that your friend is… without a partner at the moment?"

"no, she is with someone. It's very serious too, and he's the jealous type, wouldn't hesitate to rip off your arm and beat you with it," he laughed, all though deep down he knew that Severus probably would. "I wouldn't risk it John."

His friend merely sighed. "I'm glad you could come, some of the other boys are here too, you remember 'the Badger' don't you?"

"How could I forget," Remus laughed. "we correspond now and again actually; he's living on the Isle of Man at the moment, no?"

"ask him yourself old chap," he said, calling an unseen person over with a wave of his hand.

"Moony old friend!" a loud voice boomed. Remus had barely turned around when he was trapped in a rough hug.

"Badger it's good to see you," he smiled, clapping his friend on the arm. 'Badger' was the same age as Remus, but more well built, with thickset shoulders and huge arms, and he was nicknamed so because of the great white stripe that ran down the middle of his cropped black hair.

Serena emerged at that point and she chatted to Remus' friends for a while longer until they took their seats at a table for two near the window.

"It feels wrong now, being introduced as Serena Lake," she said, pouring them both another glass of champagne.

"I had a moment's hesitation," he admitted, "but I remembered the whole secrecy issue. I think that if I had tried to say anything the secrecy charm would have stopped me anyway. I imagine your ring is invisible to people who don't know?"

She nodded; you and I are the only ones here who know." Serena sighed, "I just wish I could say 'Serena Snape' and not care… After the war, I guess…"

"how are things with the two of you?"

"good now. He is still much stressed though… I try my best to keep him grounded."

"I see that with the two of you; how you seem to keep each other sane."

She smiled, "what about you and Sirius anyway?"

"We have written and asked for the information and paperwork, it should come later this week with a ministry official to talk us through it."

"wow, it's really happening?"

He smiled and nodded. "It might take a few years to go through, so we want to get going as soon as possible."

"I'm so happy for you," she beamed, tucking into her meal.

After their meal Remus took her for a dance, linking one of their hands and putting the other on her waist, leading her around the dance floor in steady rhythm and attracting the gazes of many men and women dancing around them.

"Might I have the next dance, my dear?" a deep voice asked her. She turned to the smiling face of Jonathan and accepted his offer, after finishing another glass of champagne.

By midnight, Serena had danced with half the room and was staggering about, clutching onto Remus who was only slightly less drunk than her. They made their loud and giggly goodbyes to Jonathan and 'Badger' and stumbled to the Hogs Head around the corner for a nightcap.

"Aberforth!" Serena cried loudly, reaching over the bar to give him an awkward one armed hug.

"ain' seen yas in 'ere for a while, Serena," he grumbled, fishing out two whiskey glasses for them.

"It's been a while," she slurred, knocking glasses with Remus and downing her drink. "How're the goats?"

"bloomin' marvellous," he grinned, before giving great detail about each of them and the new charms he had been practising.

* * *

**A/N: **Few, November is finally over and Nanowrimo has finished so i can stop madly writing and actually read and edit some of the upcoming chapters. Hope you've been liking the recent turn of events, let me know, thanks for reading and for your reviewss! :]


	79. Chapter 78

Severus paced the living room angrily. When she'd said 'don't wait up' he'd assumed it was a joke, but it was half one in the morning and she had still not returned.

He dropped back into his chair and took a sip of his coffee, picking up his book and staring at the same page he'd been on for forty minutes now. At that moment the apparition alarm activated.

He swept to the back door, his wand at the ready and looked out into the dark yard. Remus and Serena were sitting on the floor of the yard, their arms around each other and both laughing hysterically about something. He figured Remus had apparated, otherwise she would have arrived straight into the house. He wrenched open the back door and towered over them, feeling anger boiling up again.

"Ssssseverus!" Serena squealed, standing up and then staggering sideways into the wall rather than towards him. Remus laughed at her even harder and pulled himself up, slurring a goodbye before apparating away.

He marched towards Serena and swept her up into his arms, trying not to take notice of her incessant giggling and suggestive comments. He undressed her and lowered her into bed, ignoring the smell of Remus' cologne as he sat next to her and made sure she did not throw up. His anger soon disappeared as he remembered the way she had put him to bed after the Dark Revel, and he was soon sitting crossed legged next to her, stroking her hair softly and watching the rise and fall of her chest, before finally lying close to her and wrapping his body around hers tightly.

Serena awoke early the next morning and managed to roll her head of the bed before vomiting all over the carpet and groaning loudly as she recognised the feeling of a hundred hippogriffs pounding inside her head.

"Sev," she moaned, nudging the leg that was pinning her to the bed. He grumbled and sat up.

"what?"

"where's m' wand?"

"under your pillow."

She scrambled under the pillow and vanished the sick, casting a cleansing charm on her face. "I need a hangover potion," she mumbled, collapsing back onto her pillow and shutting her eyes.

She felt Severus' hand on her forehead and then he rolled her over, pressing a cool bottle to her lips and lifting her head up, helping her to swallow it down. She sighed and let the potion take effect whilst Severus stroked her hair softy and cast cooling charms on her body.

"since when've you been so tolerant of my alcohol 'buse?" she mumbled, rubbing her eyes and pressing a hand to her uneasy stomach.

"Since when has it been a crime to care for my wife?"

"love you."

"mm."

He smiled slightly and gave her a small shake. "come on, let's run you a bath."

He ran her a bath and helped her into it, stepping in the shower whilst she washed herself.

When they were both dressed and clean, he made some toast for them and they sat at the kitchen table drinking coffee.

"Did you enjoy yourself last night?"

"yes it was really great," she smiled, running a hand through her bed hair. "I hope Remus had a good time too."

He seemed to be overly cheerful last night."

"Was he here last night?"

"you don't remember?"

"I don't remember anything after about midnight," she admitted, avoiding his disapproving gaze. "oh come on, it's just a one off."

"then I won't mention my depleting stock of wine and Firewhiskey."

Serena put her head in her hands, feeling guilt not at his words but at the disappointed tone in which he delivered them. "It's just been a stressful week…"

"I know, let's make sure next week isn't."

Her head shot up and she looked at him through tired eyes and an open mouth. "Who are you and what have you done with my husband?"

He chuckled, "after everything you have tolerated from me this week, I think you having a night out is fine by me. Though seriously, Serena, if you feel you need to drink, even if it's just one glass a night, I want you to tell me. I'll help you. I won't be angry."

She smiled and squeezed his hand. "okay."

After a quick breakfast, Severus changed into his wizard's robes and Serena into shorts and a vest top and they flooed to Grimauld Place together. They were called into the kitchen where almost everyone was gathered. Samuel stood with Tonks and the insufferable Miss Granger against the kitchen work tops, talking to Molly and Arthur Weasley. Severus spotted the Weasley twins along with another redhead who was known for trailing after Potter. Black sat with his arm around Remus who looked much like Serena had when she'd woken up. Alastor Moody was sniffing scrambled egg for hints of poison and Albus was sitting silently next to a scared looking Bertha.

Everyone looked around as they entered and stood together at the back of the room. Remus raised a sleepy hand to Serena who laughed and patted him on the back.

As Albus began to address the room, Severus pulled Serena back into his body and circled her waist with his arms firmly.

He spotted Weasley and Granger staring at them with open mouths and wide eyes and he suppressed a smirk as Serena lifted her left arm and encircled it around the side of his neck, languidly rubbing his stubble with the back of her hand, obviously unaware of their audience.

"Alastor will lead the mission, how many do you need?" Albus said, turning to Moody.

"I'll take six, not including me," he said in a gruff voice. Serena flinched at the memories his voice evoked and Severus' hands rubbed her sides to calm her, sensing her fear.

"volunteers?" Moody barked.

Serena immediately went to put her hand up but Severus clamped them down, lowering his lips to her ear and speaking in a low dangerous voice. "you will _not _risk your life for the stupid Potter boy."

"Severus, you can't!"

"okay, we've got everyone," Albus beamed, winking at a disgruntled Serena. Remus, Tonks, Sirius Arthur, Samuel and Ron Weasley had volunteered and Serena could only sit back and watch whilst they planned their route.

"Morning Severus," came the small voice of Bertha Jorkins. Severus loosened his grip on Serena's waist and she sneaked away to give them some privacy.

"Bertha," he nodded, feeling that horrid sense of awkwardness overwhelming him.

"I'm surprised you didn't volunteer," she said, standing too close to him.

"Risking my life to remove Potter from his safe house because he's feeling _lonely _is not my concern."

"I imagine you have better things to do with your time anyway."

"mm. Bertha, Albus and I were wondering if you'd like to return to Hogwarts this summer, just to take your NEWTS and finish your last year?"

"Why do I need NEWTS?"

"For your future. The war won't last forever Bertha."

"Will you be there?"

"I will teach you potions if that is what you wish to continue with."

"not private lessons?" Bertha looked innocent but Severus sensed there was something hiding behind her eyes.

"you don't need them," he answered, trying to work out her motivation without using obvious legilimency.

"you don't want to teach me?"

"Bertha, I won't have time, I barely have enough time for teaching as it is. You are an able student; you only have a final module to complete in potions anyway."

"You find the time to teach Serena," she said suddenly. "Fred told me you gave her lessons all last year."

"That's obviously different," he snapped.

Bertha was silent for a moment and Severus wondered whether he had overstepped the mark.

"okay," she said suddenly flashing him a dazzling smile and squeezing his arm. "don't worry, yes, I'd like to start school again actually."

"I shall inform Albus," he nodded, before making his excuses and moving to strike up a conversation with a much improved Remus, making sure he thanked him for bringing Serena home safely last night.

Serena watched him from across the room with a frown on her face. She hadn't liked the way Bertha had interacted with him, but she didn't know why. They were just talking, although she could see the obvious awkwardness in Severus' body language, but that was normal for him when he was talking to students or people he didn't know well.

He seemed fine talking to Remus and so she quietly slipped out of the busy kitchen and made her way upstairs to the bedroom her and Severus normally stayed in. Some of her clothes were still in the wardrobe and she sorted through the ones she wanted to take back home. She locked the door with a simple charm to stop Sirius' crazy house elf disturbing her and then she lay back on the bed, shut her eyes and drifted into a lazy sleep.

* * *

Serena was woken an hour later by the sound of raised voices from Albus' office on the floor below. She slipped out of bed and tiptoed down the stairs, hiding behind the banister.

"HOW CAN YOU BE SO STUPID!" Severus' voice echoed.

"Severus I will not discuss this further," Albus said in a firm tone.

"So you'd rather let some ministry hag into the castle?" Severus shot back, his voice taking a low dangerous tone.

"I have my reasons, Severus."

"You have no bloody reason! You think that I want this for me, Albus? Merlin these kids are fighting in a war whether they like it or not and you'd rather sacrifice their safety then bequeath me my request?"

"Do not question my motivation, Severus."

"Bollocks to your motivation!" Severus spat, marching across the landing. "and bollocks to you."

He stalked past where Serena was hiding under a disillusionment charm and marched down the stairs, the front door slammed behind him and Serena heard the faint cracking sound of apparition.

She tapped her head with her wand and removed the charm before walking to Albus' door and knocking softly.

"Enter," came the tired voice.

She pushed it ajar and poked her head through, a sad smile on her face. "can I come in?"

He smiled and nodded, "of course, my dear child."

She sat on the sofa at the side of the small room and pulled her legs up to her chest, resting her chin on top of them.

"he's stressed," she began but Albus held up his hand.

"You are not obliged to apologise for him, Serena."

She smiled, "I would never try, if I did I'd be running around like a headless thestral trying to apologise to everyone he'd offended. I only ask that you give him some string to run with at the moment. He's incredibly stressed and more affected by this war than anyone."

"I will not give in to his request."

"I understand that and I respect your decision Albus. Who is taking the defence position this year then?"

"I am still looking," he admitted. "the Ministry have ordered Dolores Umbridge, the senior undersecretary to the Minister, unless I can find a suitable replacement."

"so the Ministry has a spy in Hogwarts?"

He inclined his head. "it is an unfortunate burden, but an unavoidable one."

"Then I trust you and accept your judgement, Albus."

"My child that means a lot to me."

"Just don't be too harsh on him, please, for me if not him?"

He nodded slowly and watched her closely over his half moon glasses.

"than I shall see you soon," she smiled, standing up and grasping his hand gently. "thank you Albus."

She was met by Remus on the stairs, a concerned look on his face. "What was the shouting about?"

She shook her head, "just a disagreement, how're you feeling?"

"better now," he smiled. "terrible this morning."

She laughed, "yes me too. Anyway I better go see if Severus is about."

She flooed to Spinners End and called for him but a Homenum Revelio spell confirmed he wasn't there. She made something to eat and picked up a book on Defensive spells whilst she waited for him to return.

She waited two hours before she heard him come in through the front door. His mood was dark but the frown on his forehead lessened slightly when he saw her. He pulled her into a tight hug and she decided not to notice the taste of sober up potion on his lips.

"do you want to talk about it?" she asked quietly, pulling him down onto the sofa.

He shrugged and she figured that meant yes. "Albus refused your Defence against the Dark Arts application?"

"again," he scowled. "he'd rather have any old ministry spy inside the castle than give into my bloody application."

"he says he has his reasons."

"like hell he does," he spat. "These kids haven't had a proper defence teacher in years. I'll give Lupin credit, he did well but he only taught them about dangerous creatures rather than spells. No teacher has lasted more than a year in ages! How are they supposed to fight a war if they haven't been taught properly?"

"But Severus you just said it yourself, No teacher had lasted more than a year."

"and?"

"Then how can you expect Albus to meet your request?"

"Don't be ridiculous, you don't believe this curse business surely?"

"The evidence is there."

He paused, "I could revert back to Potions after the year."

"maybe. But for now, perhaps we should trust him."

He was silent but he put his arm around her and pulled her closer to him. "My angel," he murmured, kissing her cheek softly.

She smiled, "If I were an angel I'd have wings."

"who needs wings when they can ride a Firebolt like you can."

She laughed and kissed him softly, trapping his bottom lip between her own and nibbling it until it was red and full. "mm, that's not the only thing I can ride."

* * *

That weekend, the Order was gathered in Grimauld Place awaiting the arrival of the infamous Potter boy. Severus stood at the back of the kitchen, his arms folded and a scowl on his face as he watched Serena sitting with Albus, laughing at some joke he was making.

A loud babble of voices from the hallway and the sudden screeching of the portrait of Mrs Black alerted them to the presence of the group. Miss Granger rushed to the kitchen door and enveloped Potter in a hug but they were soon rushed away by Molly as the Order meeting began.

"Voldemort has his eyes on the prophecy in the Ministry," Albus began with no regret that saying the Dark Lord's name caused discomfort to Severus who had to suppress a hiss of pain at the sudden inflammation of his forearm. "I'm sure I don't have to remind you what the prophecy contains, but his sudden interest is alarming. He believes that having all the information will aid him to kill Harry. So what are we going to do about it?"

Arthur Weasley answered him first. "Those of us who work in the Ministry can try and keep an eye on the department, but it's not always that easy, if we were caught down there or any suspicion was attracted we could loose our jobs, especially in the current climate."

"And we wouldn't be able to protect the area at night."

At this point Severus half tuned out, managing to keep track of the dull conversation and run away with his thoughts simultaneously. He was due at another Revel in a few weeks and hadn't yet warned Serena. Hopefully, his 'entertainment' last time would be enough to keep him from needing to participate in this month's events, but he was still in fear of what he might be forced to do; not for his sake, but for Serena's.

The meeting passed in a whirl and soon everyone was scrambling about for something to eat and the students were descending from upstairs. He glared at Potter as he entered and was met with a similar look of distaste back not only from Potter but from Weasley and Granger too.

"Leave him alone." Serena murmured, walking up to him and shoving his arm playfully.

"God I hate that boy," he muttered, his eyes following him as he greeted everyone.

"You hate what he reminds you of," she murmured. "He's a nice young lad; he's polite, smart and good humoured."

"Well why don't you talk to him then, he's obviously much more interesting than I am," he snapped, crossing his arms again and glaring at her.

She laughed. "That is the worst comeback I've ever heard." She leant against his side and let the palm of her hand move across his chest, able to feel his defined muscles even below his layers of robes.

He relaxed and dropped his arms, curling one around her waist instead. "I apologise."

"Don't worry about it," she smiled, "I love snarky Severus."

He smirked, "Sometimes I worry about your sanity."

She laughed and when she caught sight of the trio's faces from across the room she laughed even harder. "We have an audience," she chuckled.

"Betha? I know it's been bothering me all day."

"No, I mean Harry."

He looked at them and shot them a scowl, making them all jump and rush to look busy. He smirked, "I see."

"But yes, I have noticed Bertha," she sighed.

"She was… odd… this morning."

"how so?"

"She wanted me to give her private lessons and when I explained I could not she made some remark about you."

"me what?"

"having private lessons from me last year for your elementarial magic and things… I told her that was obviously different and irrelevant."

"and?"

"She seemed put out and then suddenly all happy and fine again."

Serena frowned for a moment and then her jaw dropped open. "I think she's jealous," she whispered.

"excuse me?"

"She must have a crush on you."

"Don't be barbaric, you said it yourself, I'm more of a guardian figure."

"Well she's obviously interpreted it differently."

"How can she be so ridiculous! She's eighteen for god's sake!"

Serena raised her eyebrows. "I don't think playing the age card does you any good, my love."

He almost smiled. "That was different."

"Of course it was," she laughed. "after all, who can resist me? You know sometimes I think even Albus has trouble."

Severus scrapped his rule of no laughing in public as he looked at Albus and chuckled deeply. "You have a twisted mind Mrs Snape."

She laughed, "yeah I feel sick now."

He wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "I shall do my best to discourage her."

"You heartbreaker," she smiled, kissing his cheek.

* * *

A week later they were in the kitchen at Grimauld Place when four owls flew in from down the chimney and dropped identical letters to Severus, Remus, Sirius and Minerva, the only people in the house at that moment.

Serena read it over Severus' shoulder.

_Severus and Serena. _

_It is my hope that you will attend this year's Annual Summer Ball on the fourteenth of August. _

_I await your owl,_

_Albus. _

"Are you okay about us going?" She asked.

"I am forced to go every year, why would I not go the year I actually have a date."

She smiled, "do you remember last year's? You danced with me. That made me so happy."

"It was so damn difficult to let you slip back out of my arms that night. And then to see you running off after those Death Eaters. God I was so angry and so scared I'd loose you."

"Yeah, I sort of lost it that night."

"mm. This year will be better."

"What am I going to wear?"

He smirked. "If it means you look as beautiful as you did last year, you can take my Gringotts cheque book."

She hugged him around the waist and grinned. "thank you!"


	80. Chapter 79

"Well it's fashionable to be late!" Serena argued, emerging from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her and wet hair dripping onto her bare shoulders.

"We have half an hour until it starts! What is there left for you to do? Dress and dry your hair, surely that's all."

She smiled and shook her head. "Get changed and wait downstairs, I'll hurry, I promise."

He grumbled something under his breath but kissed her before he went to change into his black dress robes.

Serena had chosen a long royal blue dress with a plunging neckline that required her to use a charm to secure her dress to her breasts to ensure she did not show too much. The dress was lined with silver diamante studs and she had a matching blue flower in her hair. Her platform shoes were of the same blue that drew attention to her sparkling anklet. She secured her hair with pins so that it piled up slightly, and fell in delicate ringlets around her neck. She figured she wouldn't need her wand that evening but it was secured in a holster around her thigh just in case.

She walked carefully down the stairs, lifting the side of her dress slightly to stop her tripping over the hem. When Severus turned and saw his wife his mouth dropped open and he was rendered speechless.

"You um… You look… absolutely stunning," he managed, running a hand through his short hair and licking his lips subconsciously.

"thank you," she smiled. "You look very handsome of course."

He shook his head and finally worked out how to move his feet, walking to kiss her softly. "Are you ready to apparate?"

She nodded and placed a hand on his shoulder, the other grasping his hand gently. Severus held her waist tightly and apparated them away.

They walked up the great Hogwarts drive holding hands, after Albus had assured them only people who could be trusted had been invited.

The sound of a band playing drifted out of the doors and across the lawn and Serena could not help but smile. Golden decorations and lights lined the way through the Entrance Hall and through the Great Hall which had been turned into a ballroom. A few people they knew were talking in the entrance hall, but most were already dancing on the sparkling dance floor.

"Merlin's stars Serena, are you trying to give a man a heart attack?"

She laughed and turned to meet Sirius who was standing with Remus by the buffet. They were both staring at Serena with a lusty expression Severus disliked. He moved closer to her and glared at them, making Remus chuckle.

"Forgive us, Severus, but even you can surely see how um… delectable Serena looks tonight."

"You think I'm blind Remus?" he muttered, putting his arm around her waist. "I just don't appreciate the two of you drooling over my wife like that."

"Severus! Serena! My word my dear you look wonderful!" Albus swirled over to them in a flurry of golden robes, kissing Serena's hand and clapping Severus on the shoulder. "Do have a drink, and don't be shy now the dance floor is there to be danced on!"

"You look marvellous Albus," she beamed. "And so does the castle, might I add."

"Do tuck into the food too, the house elves have really out done themselves this year."

He swept off to greet some others and Severus and Serena accepted a glass of champagne before walking off to find seats at the side of the dance floor.

"You are attracting the gaze of every man in the room," he murmured in her ear. "I find it almost unbelievable that I am the only one who has claim on you."

"Does that mean you'll dance with me tonight?"

"Indeed I may not be able to stop myself."

She smiled, "That would be nice."

They were soon joined by Minerva and Samuel who had arrived with Tonks on his arm, something that did not escape Serena's notice and she gave him a knowing look as he decided to take Tonks onto the dance floor.

"Want to dance?" Sirius asked, walking up to Serena and holding out his hand. Severus watched with regret as she accepted him and joined him on the dance floor, laughing at something he'd said. Sirius linked his hands through hers as they danced to the fast music of the live band and Severus couldn't help but scowl at them.

"You can't be jealous?" Remus said with raised eyebrows. "After everything? After the ring on her finger and the fact that Sirius is with me, you're still jealous?"

"I treasure every second that woman spends with me and curse myself for every second I let her slip through my fingers," he said in a low, serious voice. "So yes, Lupin, I am jealous."

"We're back to surnames are we?" Remus smirked. "Why did you not just ask her to dance first?"

He sighed. "because Remus I'm a naïve fool. Now shut up."

Remus stifled a laugh and stood up. "You won't mind if I have the next dance then."

Severus was stuck to his seat in shock as Remus got up and took Serena from Sirius and began dancing with her. He shook his head and chuckled to himself: the werewolf had a cheek.

It was four dances later when Serena finally twirled off the dance floor, taking a glass of orange juice from the table and sitting down next to an irritated looking Severus.

"cheer up grumpy," she smirked, pulling her chair closer to his and brushing her leg against his thigh. "Look if you want to dance with me all you have to do is bloody ask." There was a long pause and Serena rolled her eyes.

"I was waiting for the music to slow," he admitted eventually.

"oh."

"oh, indeed. Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Albus throws the best balls I know."

"It's his secret indulgence I believe. He hasn't stopped dancing all night either."

She laughed, "yes, he's already made me save him one for later."

"Will I ever get my hands on you then?"

She laughed, "if you're lucky. Do you want to go for some fresh air? It's a bit stuffy in here."

They slipped out of the hall quietly and walked down the steps onto the great lawn. A few people were gathered around a ball of floating fire smoking cigarettes, but they moved past them and into the privacy of the empty courtyard where the soft music still echoed.

They strolled slowly to a corner and Severus pulled Serena into his arms, rubbing her bare arms as she began to shiver. He wrapped his cloak around her and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"It's odd you being this tall," he murmured in her ear.

"Good odd?"

"Well those heals are damned sexy," he growled, "but now I can't call you my little one."

She laughed lightly in his ear, brushing her lips against it as he began to sway to the music.

"Are we dancing?"

"apparently so, if you'd do me the honour' he replied, moving his hands to her waist and caressing slow circles against her with his thumbs.

Serena laid open mouthed kisses on his neck and wrapped her arms up to thread through his short black hair.

"You truly look absolutely beautiful this evening."

She smiled against his shoulder and breathed cool air along his neck before kissing him again.

"thank you. I'm glad you think so."

"everyone else seems to think so too."

"I don't care about them, only you."

He smiled into the darkness as they swayed together quietly for long minutes and then he leant back and captured his lips with her own, taking her breath away with the sudden tenderness and love in his kiss.

He drew back way to soon and her lips tingled at the loss.

"do that again," she whispered, gazing into his gleaming dark eyes.

He chuckled softly and leant in to kiss her again. A loud bang made them both jump and they moved into the shadows as two people ran past, holding hands and giggling loudly.

Serena sighed and rubbed her cheek against Severus' robes, annoyed at their interruption. "I think that was Tonks and Samuel."

"then remind me to hex his balls of tomorrow," Severus muttered, putting his arm back around her. "come on, you're freezing, we should go inside."

They were met by raised Albus' raised eyebrows and twinkling blue eyes as they walked back into the great hall where couples were slow dancing around the hall.

"Do you want to dance?" Severus asked her, nodding towards the moving couples.

She shook her head. "I've had my perfect dance tonight."

He smiled at her and they took seats together at the back of the hall away from everyone. "You must miss this place so much in the summer," Serena said, linking her fingers through his own.

"I used to loathe going to an empty house. Now it's not empty any more. I can't thank you enough for agreeing to come back and live with me. Not that I actually gave you much choice."

She laughed, "I didn't mind. I was worrying about what I'd do and how I wanted to ask you about it but didn't have the nerve."

"Odd, I'd always thought you'd belong in Gryffindor."

"And you'd be okay fraternising with the enemy would you?"

"I wouldn't care if you were a bloody Hufflepuff."

"As long as you can… slither-in… right?"

They both began laughing, causing many people to stop dancing and stare at them open mouthed, for most of them had never seen Severus smile never mind laugh.

Albus swept up to them, his blue eyes twinkling again as he held out his hand. "Serena my child, would you accompany me onto the dance floor?"

"It would be my honour Albus." She took Albus' hand and allowed him to lead her amidst the dancing couples.

"And what might I ask has you both in such joyous spirits?"

"Oh Albus, I'd love to indulge you but I don't think your heart can take it," she teased.

He chuckled, "You young ones."

"We were just talking about how we can't wait for term to begin again. You'd think we were two nerdy students."

"Hogwarts is your home, I often feel cruel closing it for the summer, but needs must."

"What happens here in the summer?"

"Ah, that my dear is a closely guarded secret… let's just say the house elves are always kept busy."

She smiled, "well they must have been busy making this hall look so wonderful.

"Indeed, you wait; I might just throw a Christmas ball this year."

"That will call for another outfit- you do realise you're indirectly bankrupting Severus?"

"I'll give him a pay rise," he chuckled, just as the dance ended. "Thank you, my child for giving an old man a moment of youthful splendour."

"I see no old man Albus," she laughed as he led her back to Severus.

"Perhaps not. Now, the two of you must not feel as though you have to stay any longer, I can just tell Severus wants to get you home and-"

"thank you Albus," Severus interrupted quickly. "Yes, we will take our leave." He glanced at Serena to make sure this was okay and she smiled and rested her hand on the crook of his elbow.

"Then I shall no doubt see you this week. Thank you for coming."

"Thank you, Albus," Serena smiled, "We've had a really great time."

They slipped out quietly, waving to a few people before walking down the lawn towards the boundary where they could apparate. As they drew nearer Severus took her hand from his arm and let it go. "The press could be beyond the gates," he murmured.

She nodded, "I didn't think of that. Would they not have seen us apparating?"

"There was nothing to see, they can't see past the boundary, Albus put up privacy charms and every other protective thing he could think of when the war began."

They reached the boundary and although Serena could not see any cameras she felt the presence of other people and hoped Severus had too.

"Good evening, Severus," she said in a neutral tone, nodding her head at him.

He nodded back and then apparated away with a crack, followed shortly by Serena.


	81. Chapter 80

_ROMANCE IN THE CASTLE?_

_For the majority of the year, Hogwarts School is known for its elusive Headmaster, the famous pupils and mysterious goings on, but this summer another member of staff has been drawing our attentions. _

_Miss Serena Lake [pictured left] has been teaching at Hogwarts for just two years, but already she has made her mark on the tarnished surface of the school's history. _

_Miss Lake was pictured arriving and leaving the summer ball last night with Severus Snape, Potions Master and former [?] Death Eater. _

_Less than two weeks ago she was spotted at another ball with previous Defence Against the Dark Arts professor, Remus Lupin, a known werewolf who was dismissed from the school after a close shave that nearly resulted in the death of a pupil._

_Just a year ago, Serena Lake was engaged to Ministry Auror, Kingsley Shacklebolt, although it ended in his tragic death, after an apparent gas leak at his apartment in London._

_Many people have commented on the speedy recovery Serena has made and in the past year she has gained a large sum of money to her Gringotts Account, shown by the two hundred galleon dress she is pictured in at last night's ball. _

_When we asked other guests about the relationship between Serena and Severus Snape they were unable to comment, proof that a secrecy charm had been cast on the ballroom, enabling anything that was said or done in the castle to remain private. _

_So who will Serena Lake's next victim be?_

_And is Severus Snape really as tight lipped as he seems? _

_Rita Skeeter Reports._

Accompanied with the article was a still of her and Severus after they had just apparated to the ball- standing with their arms around each other. There was a picture of her hugging Remus at the dance the previous week and a photo of her and Kingsley.

Severus scrunched up the paper and threw it against the wall, shooting flames at it from his wand, vaporising it with a bang.

"what was that noise?" Serena shouted from upstairs.

"nothing," he growled, kicking the kitchen worktop in frustration. How could they have been so stupid to have been caught? And God he hated fucking Rita Skeeter!

He vanished the rest of the paper and decided he had to get Serena out of the house before howlers started to arrive.

"I'll be back in a moment," he called. "Just got to check something with Remus."

"okay!"

He stepped out of the fireplace in the kitchen of Grimauld Place and was met with four angry faces.

"Have you seen this!" Remus growled, thrusting the paper in his face.

"It's barbaric!" Sirius snapped.

"Where's Serena?" Samuel said quietly, with Bertha standing quietly at his side.

"Serena does not know. She is not going to know. No one is going to tell her. It will only upset her. You can start," he muttered, waving his wand and vanishing the copy of the Daily Prophet that Remus was holding, "by getting rid of all of the copies in the house and make sure you warn everyone else. I'm bringing her here, she can't stay at home we'll both be receiving howlers within the hour."

"and you think I won't be?" Remus scowled.

"Then keep her downstairs, destroy the howlers before she bloody hears them."

"Are you sure this is the best idea?" Samuel frowned.

"yes I am bloody well sure. Now do what I said, I'll bring her in a few minutes."

He stepped back through the floo and bumped straight into Serena who had her wand out and was eating a strawberry in her other hand.

"are you okay?" she asked as soon as he arrived back.

"Of course," he replied, "Sirius wants to know if you'll go over for a chat this morning? As soon as possible."

"Okay," she smiled. "But first, seeing as we have strawberries and cream in the house, I figured…" She smiled seductively at him and took another bite of her strawberry.

Severus had to quickly recite the ingredients of Veritaserum in his head to distract himself. "um… no, no he wants you now and I have um potions to brew. But keep them for tonight, okay?" he kissed her soundly, putting his spy skills to practise and making sure he was believable. He tasted strawberry on her lips and he licked them gently before sucking the bottom one between his own lips, making her moan softly.

"I'll come with you now," he said finally. "I need to check Remus has the Order plans for the ministry."

"mm okay." She tucked her wand into her belt and they flooed to Grimauld Place.

"Serena!" Sirius cried, greeting her with a hug. "What did you think of last night?"

"It was great wasn't it?" Sirius led her into a seat on the other side of the kitchen and they were joined by Samuel.

Remus went up to Severus. "I've had my first howler," he muttered looking towards Serena. "Some old bat yelling at me to keep my wolf paws off her and to crawl into the gutter and die like a good half breed mongrel."

"Get over it Lupin," Severus scowled. "have you put silencing charms on this room?"

"Alright Snape," he glared, "yes of course I have. Though I'm pretty sure this is not going to work. I'll be upstairs."

Remus traipsed upstairs unhappily to receive more howlers and letters of disgust.

"What did you wanna talk about?" Serena asked, taking a sip of the coffee Samuel had brought her.

"Oh just um last night," Sirius muttered looking uncomfortable.

"It was nice wasn't it? I saw you dancing with Tonks, Samuel," she winked.

Severus was satisfied that they would keep her reasonably distracted and so he slipped back through the floo and back home. The back yard was full of owls.

"_SERENA LAKE! YOU DISGUST ME! KINGSLEY'S NOT BEEN DEAD FOR A YEAR AND YOU'RE ALREADY JUMPING INTO BED WITH WERWOLVES AND MURDERERS! I WILL NOT HAVE YOU AROUND MY CHILDREN! YOU FILTH!" _

"_SNAPE YOU BASTARD! STAY AWAY FROM THAT GIRL BEFORE YOU CORRUPT HER WITH YOUR IMPURITY! SHE DESERVES A MILLION TIMES BETTER THAN YOU! DEATH EATER! MUGGLEHATER! SCUM!" _

"_SERENA LAKE YOU FREAK! YOU KILLED KINGSLEY AND THEN ACTED LIKE A COMMON WHORE! HE DIDN'T DESERVE YOU! A WERWOLF! A DEATH EATER! YOU'RE NO BETTER THAN A SLUT!" _

Severus slammed the back door and went straight to the kitchen cupboard, pouring himself a glass of Firewhiskey and knocking it back. The owls would probably be arriving all day. He figured it would be better to take Serena into the muggle world for the afternoon and make up some excuse about a surprise day out.

He stepped back through the floo to find Serena still talking obliviously with the men. "Serena, can I have a word?"

She went over to him, putting her coffee down on the counter.

"Do you want to go to muggle Cardiff today? I was thinking we could have some… alone time?"

She smirked, "I knew you couldn't resist strawberries and cream."

"mm."

"Are you sure you're okay, my love?"

"Of course," he sighed, hugging her just as Alastor moody hobbled into the kitchen, slamming a copy of the Daily Prophet onto the table and scowling. "Don't I always say constant vigilance!"

There was a long pause as Remus ran down the stairs and skidded to a stop at the door and everyone turned around to stare with cringed expressions at Serena.

"wh-what's that?" she asked. "why am I on the front page?" She made to move towards it but Severus grabbed her.

"Cardiff?"

"what? No I want to see…" she trailed off and looked around at all their faces. "It's about me," she said quietly, her brain finally clicking. "and you guys all knew… and you've been hiding it from me this morning… which is why you wanted to talk Sirius… and you want to go to Cardiff… and…"

"Don't read it," Severus muttered in her ear, but she had already pushed away from him and had sunk into a seat to read the article.

Her eyes flickered over the pictures before she began reading, her lips silently mouthing the words. Severus pressed a hand to the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath.

"Serena-"

She did not reply as she slowly set the paper down with shaky hands and tears in her eyes.

"That's… horrible…" she finally managed. "she's saying I'm a whore… and that I killed Kingsley?"

"Serena, Rita Skeeter is a disgusting woman, there's no point believing what-"

"Severus can you take me home please?"

He walked slowly up to her and enveloped her in his robes, hugging her tightly and kissing the top of her head. "I don't think that's the best idea at the moment. We've both had a lot of mail this morning… Remus too."

"Oh Remus I'm so sorry-"

"It's not your fault Serena," he said trying to smile. "I'm used to it anyway, I'm a werewolf remember?"

"you shouldn't have to be used to it! My God if I ever meet that woman-"

"you'll stay out of trouble," Severus finished, hugging her tighter.

"can't we go home anyway and just cast silencing charms?"

He sighed and nodded. "as you wish."

"I'm so sorry guys,'" she grimaced as they moved towards the fireplace. "If I'd had any idea…" she bit her bottom lip and looked away.

"No apologising," Severus growled in her ear. "you have no fault in this. Come on, let's get you home."

When they were home, Severus cast silencing charms around them quickly, although they still had a flash of a screeching howler from the backyard. She went straight upstairs and into the bedroom, shutting the door whilst Severus locked and re warded the windows and door, strengthening the silencing charms quickly. Serena had crawled onto the middle of the bed and curled up, pulling her knees to her chest.

"Hey," Severus whispered, kicking off his shoes and moving next to her. "stop worrying. It'll soon pass." He took off his robe and undid the buttons on his shirt, before doing the same to her. The action was completely platonic; he just wanted to get her as comfortable as possible. He lifted her up from the bed and pulled the green duvet down before placing her in the centre again and crawling in next to her. He pulled the duvet up over them and cast warming charms on the sheets before murmuring "lumos."

He set his wand on the sheet and looked at her face basked in the warm light from his wand. "hey," she said, trying to smile.

"hello," he said in his deep voice, stroking a curl of her hair back.

"I thought the rule was don't hide from the press?"

"since when have you obeyed rules?"

"hmm."

"we're not hiding anyway; we're simply taking a nap."

She laughed. "I'll take a nap with you anytime."

"come here," he murmured, sliding closer to her and wrapping himself around her, letting her feel protected and safe. "My little one," he sighed, kissing her forehead and trailing his fingertips up her sides languidly.

"I love you," she hummed softly.

"I know, my love."

He held her quietly until her eyes flickered closed and her breathing slowed and then he cast a gentle sleeping charm on her before sliding out of the bed. Hopefully she would not wake up before he returned.

He put on his black robes and apparated away.

"Ssssseveurs, I wondered if you'd be along."

"Lucius," he nodded, bowing his head and stepping into the household.

He kissed Narcissa's hand and refused the drink she offered him politely.

"well, well Severus are you here to confirm the rumours or-"

"Don't be bloody ridiculous Lucius," he snapped. "I am here to revoke them, how can that Skeeter be so bloody preposterous."

"Ah, then you deny this photo?" Lucius held up the copy of the prophet with the picture of him arriving with Serena at the gates, their arms entwined around one another.

"The irritating girl had drunk too much before she left, I was forced to apparate us both there else she would have splinched herself."

"what a…sssshame," Lucius drawled.

"Dumbledore would have sent me out of his favour. He admires the girl."

"ah. Perhaps we could use that to our advantage?"

Severus felt cold dread run through his veins. "not a chance Lucius, he doesn't care for her, just think she's 'good with the students'. Everyone is a pawn to Dumbledore, nothing more: don't forget that."

"You're the man Sssseverus."

"So what are we going to do about Skeeter?"

"we?" Lucius laughed coldly. "it is your issue Severus, Cissy and I rather enjoy her work."

He scowled. "very well."

"Now if you'll excuse me Sssseverus. Good day." Lucius left the room with his expensive robes flowing after him.

Severus turned to Narcissa who walked up to him smiling. "It is good to see you looking well Severus."

"and you Cissy," he smiled, taking her hand.

"Is there anything in the rumours?" she asked him quietly.

"Of course not."

"okay… if there was, it would not be the worst thing that could happen to you Severus. She is pretty. What is her blood status?"

"Pure Blood."

"Then our Lord would not disapprove."

"It is of no matter Cissy. There is nothing- the girl irritates me beyond belief."

She smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "Will you stay for a drink?"

He sighed, "Alas I cannot. It has been good seeing you again though, do write."

"I will. Good day to you, Severus."

He disapparated with a crack.

Serena stirred, squinting through the orange light and listening to the scratchy sound around her. She blinked. She was lying on the bed with their duvet half covering her. Sitting cross legged next to her was Severus, hunched over and scribbling in some book, his quill scratching on the pages furiously.

"what are you writing?"

He jumped, slammed the book shut and waved his wand in a series of complex movements, causing it to disappear.

"you're awake," he stated.

"you look like you've been caught with your hand in the sorting hat," she replied, sitting up and running a hand through her hair.

"Don't be ridiculous. How are you feeling?"

"Curious and worried."

"Serena it's nothing, really I…" Severus paused a rubbed his eyes. "It's an idea Albus had a few months ago. What with my position and the war he said I should keep a diary. It sounded ridiculous, but I've been getting into it more, I suppose. I've started back logging too- using the pensieve to remember days and feelings I want to incorporate in my writings."

"That sounds like the best idea Albus has ever had, this way if your loyalty be doubted- we have the diary to prove your innocence."

"something like that."

"Where are you up to back logging?"

"On our honeymoon I was writing the time we first got together… So a little before that now."

She kissed him and smiled. "you romantic."

He rolled his eyes and she laughed, resting her head on his shoulder. "thanks for being so good to me today. I… I guess I've never really experienced anything like that before. I know you were trying to spare my feelings but next time would you be able to just tell me?"

He nodded.

"thank you, husband."

"wife," he sighed, kissing her head and putting an arm around her. "come on, you can help me brew today, I'm behind on my summer orders."

"yes sir," she smirked.

* * *

It was three days later when Serena finally decided to venture out into the wizarding world. Severus was right- things had died down and most people had probably forgotten, but she still got a few odd stares or looks of disgust. She ignored it as best she could and managed to buy her books, parchment and quills for the new term, less than a fortnight away.

Severus had another Dark Revel that evening and he had made her promise that she would not sit in the house alone. She had invited Remus and Sirius over and they sensed her nervousness before Severus had even left.

She poured them both a glass of Firewhiskey with shaking hands as Severus marched down the stairs, his heavy black boots making more of a noise than normal and his black death eater robes swirling in a storm around him.

"Remus," he greeted, inclining his head towards the smiling werewolf. "Black," he added in a mutter of distaste.

He pulled Serena into the kitchen for some privacy.

"Listen, if your ring hurts there's a pain potion on the nightstand, drink it all. I shall try my very best, my love."

"Don't be ridiculous Sev, do all you can to stay in his favour, please, this is your life we're talking about."

"There's a sleeping potion there too, I shall be back very late so don't wait up-"

"now who's being ridiculous," she murmured, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him deeply. "Just look after yourself. I want a husband in my bed tonight, okay?"

He nodded slightly and pulled her into a tight hug and then stepping back and apparating away.

She breathed in his lingering smell for a moment before she felt hands on her shoulders. "come on," Remus said quietly, pulling her into the living room. "there's nothing you can do now."

They chatted and played wizarding chess for an hour and then Sirius announced he was going to cook some appetisers for them. Whilst he was busy in the kitchen, Remus moved up to Serena and put his arm around her, letting her nestle in his side.

"Are you expecting to be in pain tonight?" he murmured in her ear.

She shrugged helplessly. "I told him to do whatever he can to stay in the Dark Lord's favour, but I know he'll do all he can not to cause me pain."

"I used to wonder if there was fate or such things as soul mates," he sighed. "but seeing you two… I can't think of anyone who would suit you better now, and the same with him. I know that was you had with Kinglsey was good and pure love, but this…" Remus trailed off and gave her arm a gentle squeeze. "God I never thought I'd approve of Snape's romantic preferences."

Serena chuckled. "you'd think he'd go for something a bit more gothic, wouldn't you?"

"Definitely," Remus smiled. "but then after seeing him laugh at the ball last week made me change my mind a little."

"I think everyone was surprised."

"Indeed, I've never seen Minerva look so flabbergasted."

"Here we go!" Sirius called, sweeping in with a tray of small canapés.

"mm what are these?" Remus smiled, smacking his lips.

"Smoked salmon and chive paste on French crackers."

Sirius brought in a few more small trays and they ate and talked for a while. At one am, Sirius slipped back through the floo to Grimauld Place as he had to get up early for work.

"How much do you love him Remus?"

Remus uttered a small laugh and shook his head. "you know I can't measure something like that."

She smiled and nestled her head into his shoulder. "that was the reply I wanted."

She stifled a yawn and let her eyes drift closed.

"Do you want to sleep? I'll wake you when he arrives?"

She shook her head. "no way."

"if you're sure."

They sat in silence for a while, watching the clock and yawning occasionally.

At half one in the morning, the floo activated and Severus stumbled through. He was still on his feet, at least, Serena thought, and there was no blood, but she could tell by the constant tremors of his muscles and the way his lips were pressed so tightly together they were white, that he had suffered the cruciatus curse. She rushed to him, pulling him to sit on the sofa as he breathed through his teeth, hissing with every movement.

"Where's the potion?" she said quickly, her hands shaking as Remus helped her take his robes off.

"S-second sh-shelf, third p-potion left," he managed through gritted teeth, willing himself not to cry out in pain in front of her.

She squeezed his hand and then turned and ran down the stairs to the basement.

As the door swung shut behind her he let out a groan of pain, clenching his teeth together and rocking back and forth, trying to stop his muscles flaring for just one second. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Remus cast a silencing charm on the room and he felt grateful. He cried out again as his legs seized and his eyes rolled back into his head in pain. Serena rushed up from the basement carrying three bottles in her shaking hands.

"here, I'm, here," she whispered to him, running a hand across his sweaty forehead. "it's gonna be okay, my love, just drink, here, here."

She dropped to her knees in front of him and helped him sip the first one, a muscle relaxing potion. The second was for the pain and the third, a sleeping draught. He kept his eyes tightly shut, not wanting to show her the fear and weakness in his eyes as he waited for the potions to take effect. In less than a minute his eyes began to droop and she lowered him onto the couch, crooning soft words and promises to him as he drifted off. She summoned a blanket and covered him with trembling fingers, placing a kiss on his cheek and standing up to clear things away.

It was then that she remembered Remus. He was looking at her in awe, with wide eyes and his lips parted as a sad smile appeared on his face.

"You just deal with it now, don't you?"

She nodded and nibbled her lip, knowing that tears were threatening to emerge.

"But you're not always okay, are you?"

She turned to look at Severus' sleeping body and shook her head as a tear trickled down her cheek.

"Do you think I should stay with you for a while?"

She nodded and a sob escaped from her throat. "I j-just hate this!" she gasped, stumbling into his open arms. "I hate seeing him in s-such b-bad pain!"

"Let it out," he murmured, hugging her tightly. "It'll be over soon," he whispered. "The war will be over soon."

She cried into his arms as he rocked her back and forth as Severus used to when she was ill.

"He goes through so much," she whispered in a broken voice. "I don't know how he does it. He's so brave."

"I know, I know. He deserves you, he really does."

A few minutes later the tears subsided and she wiped her eyes on her sleeve hastily. "Remus…"

"It's okay, I know. Look, you going to be alright now?"

She nodded and sniffed, "nothing we haven't got through before."

He hugged her again. "If you need anything, you come and get me or Sirius okay? Any time, we'll always be here."

She tried to smile, "I promise I will."

"Get some rest, see you tomorrow."

When he had gone she summoned another blanket from upstairs and squeezed onto the sofa with Severus, pulling his arm around her and kissing his fingers. Another wand wave and they were plunged into darkness as she was swept into uneasy dreams.


	82. Chapter 81

Severus awoke in pain. His muscles were burning again and he winced as he tried to sit up and found Serena lying next to him, pressed tight against his body with her head against his chest.

He reached out a trembling hand and stroked her hair softly. He found his wand on the side table and he summoned a potion from downstairs; one he had specially designed to lift the effects of the cruciatus curse.

He summoned the cork out with his wand and drank it back awkwardly, not wanting to move much else he would wake Serena.

The pain began to subside and he took deep breaths as he assessed the rest of his body and tried to recall the events of the previous night. Serena had sorted him out and he remembered he needed to thank Remus for his discretion with the silencing charm.

He threw the empty bottle on the floor where it clanked with another empty one from the night before and woke Serena with a jolt.

"hush, hush" he said quickly in a deep quiet voice. He stroked her arm as she looked up into his face with wide eyes.

"you- you okay?" she muttered, her eyes grazing over his face.

"I am fine, thanks to your quick and rational actions, let us not talk now, sleep, my little one." He lay back down and pulled her tighter against him, taking the warmth from each other and drifting into slumber once more.

They slept together on the sofa until midday when Severus stirred and breathed in his wife's sweet smell deeply. He kissed her cheek softly and then her neck, gently licking and kissing her skin until he felt her tense beneath him. He paused for a moment, breathing deeply against her neck and then he felt her fingers deftly undoing his trouser buttons and then her own.

When they were finally free of clothes, Severus pulled her leg over his hip and slowly entered her. They both hummed at the sensation and Serena moved as close to him as was physically possible. They rocked gently together for five minutes of bliss, neither of them saying a word, just emitting small gasps of breath and pleasure, until Severus' stomach rumbled and Serena laughed quietly. "I think... mmm… we need to um… get you some food…" Severus slowed his rocking before moving back slightly and pulling out of her. They both moaned slightly at the loss but he kissed her with wet lips.

"I apologise," he murmured, his eyes moving so quickly over her face it was as though he was trying to memorise everything about her.

"It's fine; that was a lovely five minutes."

"Indeed it was."

"You go and shower and get dressed and I'll make dinner."

He nodded and helped her up from the sofa. "thank you," he said quietly as she pulled on her jeans and a t shirt.

She rolled her eyes at him and they both smiled as she turned and went to make dinner.

Severus came down twenty minutes later wearing his black trousers and a loose white shirt that he wore with the collar open. He didn't miss the way Serena's eyes grazed over his torso and how her cheeks grew a pink tinge in response. He smirked and pulled up the chair next to her before beginning to eat lunch.

"You put something in this," he stated after he had taken his first spoonful of soup. She was silent and he took another, tasting it carefully and inhaling the smell. "It's an infusion of some kind. With a hint of rosemary so-"

"It's a vitamin infusion, don't complain, you need to keep your strength up."

"And your soup? Is there one in yours?"

"No of course not, I'm fine."

"so am I."

She said nothing and he eventually sighed. "I appreciate your concern."

"Don't 'appreciate my concern' I'm not your bloody mother. I'm your wife; it's my job to make sure you're okay and to slip bloody infusions into your potion."

He huffed and she smiled and took his hand.

"Bloody woman," he muttered, making her laugh. "I'll punish you for this you know."

She winked, "that's your job."

"mm."

Serena's smile turned serious and she pushed her spoon around and looked down.

"how were things yesterday?" she said in a small voice.

"Better than I expected, It seems the rumours in the papers worked more in my favour due to your blood status. I denied the rumours of course and refused to participate in sexual games. The Dark Lord was in a surprisingly good mood so he did not protest too much."

"and the cruciatus curse?"

"was the result of a friendly duel."

"friendly? Severus, you can't keep making your body go through this, one day it's not going to recover and-"

"Serena I have no choice in the matter, I must keep my cover."

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, shutting her eyes briefly. "I'm sorry just… seeing as I've had a recent reminder of what the Cruciatus Curse feels like I hate to see you going through this. And that is not an excuse to hide it from me!" she added quickly.

"I know, my love. I'm okay though, it is better for me to duel Lucius than to be forced into raping innocent women. Plus, Lucius is much worse off than me," he smirked. "And I better Cissy can't patch him up as well as you do me."

She stroked his arm and smiled. "that is because you are the best brewer in the country my darling."

He smirked, "that's not the only thing I'm best at."

She opened her mouth to reply just as the floo activated in the living room.

Severus went in with his wand drawn, as he always did, and found Remus dusting his cloak off on the mat and then vanishing the cloud of ash around him.

"Afternoon," Severus said.

"Yes, yes, I'm glad to see you up on your feet. You're well?"

He nodded.

"Good, good, and Serena?"

"She's in the kitchen… Remus I wanted to thank you for your discretion last night with the silencing charm."

He shook his head, "I understand, it was no problem."

Severus inclined his head and then gestured to the kitchen. "After you."

Remus greeted Serena and took Severus' seat next to her and Severus decided to leave them be, descending downstairs into his lab to check everything was okay.

When he emerged half an hour later, Remus was gone and Serena was looking happier.

"What did he want?"

"Just to check we were both okay and to pass on a message from Albus- he wants to see you, as I'm sure you know already but are procrastinating for as long as possible."

"naturally."

"You should see him sooner rather than later you know."

He sighed, "I'll go now, he is at headquarters I suppose?"

She nodded and gave him a quick kiss. "Try and hold your temper."

"Try and hold your advice," he replied in a dull voice.

She laughed and ran her hand across his cheek softly. "I strongly advise you to kiss me."

He grunted and scowled but kissed her sweetly all the same before stepping into the floo and vanishing in a whirl of green flames.

Serena took a book from the living room and settled down with a cup of tea on the sofa. The book was about defensive spells as she wanted to please Severus for when he would test her next. She practised wand movements for an hour when she felt the familiar sensation of the Apparition Alarms going off around her.

"shit," she whispered, looking towards the back door. There were charms on the windows so no one could see in, but she couldn't see into the yard without opening the door first.

The person began banging on the door and Serena heard a woman's voice.

She ran into the living room and flooed to Grimauld Place, arriving in a busy kitchen. She drew her wand and sent a patronuss to Severus immediately, telling him there was someone trying to get into the house.

He thundered down the stairs immediately and pushed past people before getting to the floo. "stay here," he said curtly before vanishing.

Serena sighed and sank into a chair. Albus came down a few moments later and greeted her with a smile. "My dear child, how are you this evening?"

"well, I thank you. How is your meeting with Severus running?"

"he is a most intriguing young man," he replied mysteriously.

"have you filled the defence post yet?"

"no, no, not yet."

"Albus there's less than a fortnight."

"mm, yes, yes."

"Well if you ever wanted to share the job between current professors I wouldn't mind doing a few extra hours for you."

Albus smiled and thanked her.

"I hope everything's okay," she sighed, nodding towards the fireplace.

"I'm sure it will be," Remus said, walking over and squeezing her shoulder.

She waited in the kitchen for half an hour until Severus came back through the fireplace.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes, yes," he muttered looking distracted. "can I have a word?" He pulled her into the living room and shut the door, setting up a few silencing charms.

"Has your patronus changed form?" he asked.

"Um, no it changed colour," she blushed.

"It was white before?"

She nodded.

"Having a magical creature as a patronus is the mark of a very powerful witch or wizard. Your patronus is beautiful."

She blushed again, "I prefer it this colour."

"When I saw it come through the door I did not immediately recognise it as yours until I spoke. I was mesmerised by the magic, a black unicorn is a rare thing."

"What is your patronus now? Is it still-"

"My patronus has also changed," he interrupted.

She realised how serious that statement was and she watched him closely for any sign of regret. "What is it now?"

"a thestral."

She smiled, "Something that on the outside is feared and seems harsh, but when you can actually _see_ it, you see the magic and beauty within."

"I knew you would see it like that rather than an omen of death."

"I can't help what I see."

"come here, my little one."

She sidled over to him looking happy at her nickname again. "mm?"

He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her lightly, coaxing a reaction from her lips as she reached her arms up to join around his neck. "You know how much I love you?" he whispered in her ear, causing her to draw back in surprise at his rarely uttered words.

"Of course," she murmured, searching his eyes deeply. "is everything okay?"

"everything is fine," he reassured softly, planting open mouthed kisses down her neck, making her arch her back and tilt her neck to encourage him.

"mm, yess," she moaned softly, her small hands deftly undoing the buttons on his shirt as he kissed his way back up to her mouth and backed her onto the sofa, lifting her jumper over her head and kissing the tops of her breasts whilst running his fingertips across her stomach, feeling the two lines of raised skin he had come to cherish.

She lay back on the sofa, taking off her bra and he climbed on top of her as she pulled off his shirt and threw it to the floor, replacing the linen with her hands that explored every ripple and defined muscle on his chest and back. "please Severus," she gasped, unable to keep going slowly. "It's been too long…"

He chuckled against her stomach and kissed her scars, "we made love this morning, my sweet. Well, technically… almost."

"shut up and make love to me now," she sighed, threading her fingers through his hair as he moved back up to silence her lips with his own.

The door banged open and they both sprang apart, swearing furiously and blushing as they turned to face their audience. Severus shielded Serena from their gaze and only her embarrassed face peered from behind his chest.

Remus, Molly, Fred and Bertha were staring at them with wide eyes and bemused smiles.

"well," Fred Weasley began, but he was quickly stopped by Molly who thrust him out of the door before he could continue. They suddenly darted to life and backed out of the room, apologising constantly until the door shut and they were left alone again.

"fucking hell," Severus snapped, kicking the sofa and snatching up his shirt. "I only set bloody silencing charms, I was expecting to go straight back in there, I only wanted a word and then I forgot and fucking hell," he repeated. "I'm sorry Serena."

"My love, it was my mistake too. Let's just say I did a good job of distracting you. Will you clip this for me? It's difficult without a mirror."

He walked behind her and took the clips of her navy bra from her and fastened it, pausing to press a kiss to her bare shoulder. She summoned her jumper and pulled that on too, taking Severus' lead and smoothing down her hair.

"do we look presentable?" she smirked.

"I don't give a bloody damn, when I get you home I'm going to make you as un-presentable as possible when you're naked and bent over my damn writing desk."

"Then hurry up and get me home you dirty man."

He took her hand and pulled her to the door, pausing before he opened it. "I hate it when we're interrupted."

"me too."

They opened the door and came face to face with Remus who had his arms crossed and was trying and failing to look disapproving. "Do you mind not having sex in my living room?"

"We didn't have bloody sex," Serena mumbled, looking embarrassed.

"Yes, you interrupted us wolf, now move out of the way or we'll have sex on your bloody bed."

Serena spluttered as she was pulled along by Severus and led into the kitchen where a gleeful Fred and George Weasley sat. They both scowled at the twins and went straight to the fireplace.

"see that we're not disturbed," Severus growled before pushing Serena in and stepping in behind her.

Remus strolled into the kitchen and went to Molly who was looking a little flushed. "well, indeed," he said in a low voice, a smirk on his face.

She raised her eyebrows and flushed again.

"Molly I don't suppose you're flushing like a beetroot due to a certain man's bare and defined chest are you?"

She hit him with the tea towel and turned ever redder. "Don't be ridiculous Remus."

He chuckled, "he is rather buff."

"away with you!" she cried, hitting him again and letting a small giggle escape her.

"Molly Weasley!" he exclaimed. "you wait 'til I tell Arthur."

"Remus Lupin you get out of this kitchen before I curse you into oblivion!"

He fled.


	83. Chapter 82

On the thirty first of August, Serena and Severus walked the familiar trek through the Hogwarts corridors and staircases up to Albus' office, to apply for shared living quarters.

"You both know that I would love more than anything to do that for you, but you have not yet met the new Defence teacher. Dolores Umbridge works for the ministry- she would try and have you sacked if she knew there were relationships between members of staff."

"Albus she can't be that bad," Serena pleaded, not wanting to have to live her life in secret for yet another year.

"I ask you to trust me."

She sighed and turned to look at Severus who was glaring at Albus rather fiercely. "At least give us interconnecting floos" he said in a slow deliberate voice, as though he was trying his utmost not to shout.

Albus inclined his head. "okay."

"Thank you," Serena said quietly.

Severus stood up suddenly, "good day," he muttered in an unpleasant tone before walking out smartly. Serena shot Albus an apologetic tone and then hurried after him.

"Severus," she called, half jogging up the corridor to catch up with him. She glanced around to make sure they were alone. "Sev?"

He stopped and pressed a hand to his head before turning around and sighing heavily. "We can't talk here." He walked briskly down to the dungeons and into the potions classroom Serena had come to love. He shut the door, his wards automatically in place and turned to her, taking her hands in his own.

"I'm sorry I just hate letting you out of my sight as it is, but not having you living with me?" he sighed heavily. "you are my wife Serena, your place is in my bed, in my house, in my life."

"I know Sev, I want nothing more myself. I hate even thinking about not living with you. But we have to make it work. He's giving us interconnecting floos, well then we can stay at one person's for the night and just floo back in the morning."

He made a non committal sound and then sighed and nodded. "if you keep some clothes and things here, and I do the same at yours. We can keep them in a disillusioned cupboard or something so that Umbridge won't find them if she comes snooping."

"Okay, it's a compromise then."

They spent that morning moving things between Spinners End and their offices and settling back into their old living quarters. They had a quiet dinner in the Great Hall as only a few members of staff were in so early and so they could sit together as long as they looked like nothing more than colleagues.

"I'm already finding this hard," Serena admitted quietly, looking up at him through pained eyes.

"It is easier for me," he murmured, pushing his food across his plate. "I am used to compartmentalising my personas into boxes. For you, who are always so expressive in your feelings, it is much more difficult to simply put on a mask and become someone else especially…" Severus trailed off and he stared at something over Serena's shoulder.

She turned around to find Albus walking towards them with a short, squat witch in a bright pink cardigan with a broach of a kitten attached to it. Albus shot her his warning glance as they approached the seated couple and she understood that this was the witch they should be wary of.

"Severus, Serena, might I introduce you to your new colleague and Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor, Dolores Umbridge."

They both stood up and Serena tried to smile politely. "nice to meet you."

"hmm," the witch smiled sickly, "I have heard of you, you were in the Prophet a few weeks ago." She turned her gaze to Severus who kept his mouth shut and his expression unreadable as he nodded his head in greeting and suppressed a murderous glare.

"I look forward to getting to know _everything _about you." Umbridge said in a high pitched voice.

Serena forced a smile and Albus thankfully took her away.

"What a ghastly old hag," she muttered, sitting back down.

"Indeed," Severus said distastefully. "We would do well to stay away from her."

"As you wish."

They went back to the dungeons afterwards and Severus made them coffee.

"I have to get ready for tonight's feast," she sighed reluctantly.

"okay." He saw the regret and loss on her face and he kissed her forehead and stroked her arm. "You should stay over here tonight."

She nodded, "I would really like that."

"then go and get ready. I need not remind you that although I may not say in later on, I am sure you will look very beautiful."

She rolled her eyes and then laughed, "thank you, husband."

"indeed, wife." She stepped through their new fireplace into her office and took a shower and dressed alone, trying to ignore the sadness she felt at being in an empty house. It seemed odd to her after living with Severus and then spending so much of her time in the lively Grimauld Place.

She wore her new emerald green robes with black trim and black high heels. She thought Severus would approve of the Slytherin colours and her robes were slightly revealing tonight as there were no students about until the morning.

She walked alone to the Great Hall where most of the staff were gathered. Severus had not yet arrived and so she sat next to Minerva and opposite Albus who immediately served her a large portion of lasagne, telling her it was the best he'd ever eaten.

Dolores Umbridge was sitting on the other side of Minerva and Serena tried her best to ignore the loud half-breed comments she kept throwing at Hagrid. Severus arrived ten minutes later, dressed in his black teaching robes with a scowl plastered to his face.

"Ah Severus, glad you could join us," Albus beamed. The only seat left was next to Dolores and he parked himself there stiffly, shifting his chair a few inches a way from her.

Minerva leant in to whisper in her Serena's ear. "I'd watch out for Umbridge if I were you."

"we have been warned," she sighed. "hence the distance tonight… and for the rest of the year, I suppose."

"Don't worry dear, those of us that matter all remember the wedding."

Serena smiled sadly, "You're right, thanks Minerva." She listened to Severus' conversations for a few minutes as Minerva talked to Albus.

"So, Snape," Umbridge was saying. "I hear you applied for my position."

"That is correct," he replied in a harsh tone, staring straight ahead with a well concealed glare.

"But you were rejected?"

"Obviously."

"Why do you think that was?" her tone was sickly sweet and Serena got Goosebumps just listening to it.

Severus gritted his teeth together and his fist clenched around the spoon in his hand. "Why don't you ask Albus?"

"Hmm, I will. Do you think it is because of the rumours surrounding your purpose?"

"And what rumours would they be?"

"That you are still a supporter of you-know-who? Or perhaps the story in the paper concerning you and Professor Lake?"

"Excuse me?" Serena interrupted innocently. "did you mention my name, Dolores?" she put on her best fake smile and Albus' and Minerva's conversation faded to a close.

"I was merely stating dear that the rumours surrounding your, er, inappropriate relationships are not good for the reputation of the school, are they?" she made a stupid laugh and Serena raised her eyebrows.

"Even if the rumours _were_ true, which they aren't, how would any of those hypothetical relationships be inappropriate?"

"Well dear, first of all there's that auror whom I believe had a relationship with you whilst you were merely a child-"

"that is ridiculous!" she cried. "you're accusing Kingsley of paedophilia now?"

"so you deny that you were living with him when you were just a teenager? A man of many years older than you, who had taught you as a child, who-"

"I was of age when Kingsley and I began a romantic relationship," she said in a calm voice with anger threatening to burst underneath.

"and Remus Lupin?" she said with clear distaste. "A werewolf? A half breed who nearly murdered a pupil-"

"Dolores," Albus interjected. "any rumours concerning Remus Lupin and the safety of my students are completely false and you would do well to accept that now."

She took a deep breath and her face swelled with anger before she plastered a smile on her face and shrugged. "and how do you feel about relationships between members of staff, Albus?"

"What are you implying, Dolores?" Serena asked through gritted teeth.

"Well the photo in the Prophet show clearly a romantic relationship between you and Severus Snape. Do you deny these accusations?"

"Yes," she lied in a firm voice. "yes I do deny said accusations. Do you believe everything the Prophet writes Dolores?"

"And you, Severus?" she said, ignoring the question.

Severus turned to her with a murderous expression on his face and stared at her for a good few seconds before answering.

"I don't see in anyway how I have to answer to you about my personal life, _Professor_." With that, Severus stood up from the table and excused himself.

"Now Severus my boy, won't you stay for a night cap?" Albus cried.

"Forgive me Albus, I have lessons to prepare for." He inclined his head to them and avoided Serena's eye contact before sweeping out of the room in a billow of robes.

Serena could have cried there and then. Was this what their year was going to be like with that stupid ministry had snooping around them all the time? It was only the first night and yet she felt as though her marriage had been ripped apart. After a small glass of mulled wine, Minerva made her excuses and Serena followed suit. She felt eyes watching her as she walked from the hall and turned towards her office, rather than the dungeons. When she got in, she locked and warded the door before lighting her wand and looking around the empty living room and going to the fireplace.

She knelt carefully on the floor and put her head through. She was looking into Severus' living room that was seemingly empty.

"Professor Snape?"

The door to the bedroom opened and Severus emerged wearing black trousers and his white shirt open and loose. "Serena," he murmured, indicating they were alone.

"do you mind if I come through?"

"why do you even need to ask?"

She sighed. "hang on." She pulled her head out of the fire and then stepped through to meet him. She sat on the sofa and sighed. "I don't know things just feel so different here. Hogwarts was my favourite place in the entire world for the last two years, but now it just feels… wrong, I guess. I just want to be myself."

Severus could see she was getting upset so he sat down next to her and pulled her into his arms. He ran his fingers through her hair and smiled at her closed eyes and relaxed expression. "Does this feel normal?" he murmured.

She nodded.

"and this?" he said, before kissing her briefly.

She sighed and rubbed her cheek on his shoulder. "I'm sorry, I guess I'll get used to it. I just can't believe how disgusting that woman is! She called Remus a half breed and accused Kingsley of fucking paedophilia! How the hell could Albus let her into the castle?"

"I know, I know."

"and you were absolutely amazing," she smiled. "I almost burst out laughing- the look on her face she looked like she'd eaten a lemon."

He smirked, "I wasn't going to deny my love for you."

"We'll see how long that lasts," she teased. "When I jump through the floo at two o clock in the morning because I can't sleep or something."

"You won't need to, you'll be here every single night- or I in your room. You're my wife, you belong in my bed."

She kissed him soundly. "then let's go now, I'm absolutely knackered."

Severus changed into sweatpants for bed and Serena raised her eyebrows at them.

"Now we're at the castle I may be called for students or other reasons. I'll be quicker answering the door if I'm wearing something."

She sighed, "okay, but it's not my fault if my hands wander into them accidentally."

He chuckled and clambered into bed next to her, pulling her against his chest and lifting the duvet over them. "good night Serena."

"g' night Sev."


	84. Chapter 83

The students arrived the next day and Serena soon fell back into her daily routine of teaching and then spending the nights with Severus, usually in his office. Apart from the presence of Dolores Umbridge, the new 'Hogwarts High Inquisitor', the other thing she found difficult was telling off Fred Weasley whilst knowing he had wandered in on her and Severus, half naked on a couch. He wouldn't let her forget either, and kept winking and wriggling his eyebrows.

She also had the opportunity to teach Bertha, who was good at slipping into the routine of calling her 'Professor' instead of 'Serena.' She was a quiet student who always handed her work in on time although she was not very bright, Serena had to admit.

She was sitting between Severus and Albus at a Quidditch match that autumn and thanks to Albus' quick thinking, Umbridge was sitting in a different stand and so Serena and Severus had the opportunity to actually be themselves around everyone, although since the invention of omnoculars they would never risk holding hands.

"And how are things?" Albus asked, his eyes glinting as he watched Angelina Johnson score for Gryffindor.

Serena turned to Severus and smiled. "are you going to answer that?"

He shook his head and then sniggered to himself. "have you heard what they're singing?"

Serena listened for a moment and then whacked him on the arm disapprovingly. "don't be so mean!"

He sniggered again, "Weasley was born in a bin," he snorted, "genius."

"You'd better not let Molly here you say that or you won't be able to walk for a week when she's finished with you."

He smirked and leant in to murmur in her ear, keeping his eye on the game. "Like you this morning, you mean?"

She bit her lip to stop herself from smiling. "I should punish _you_ for being so damn horny last night," she muttered, blushing slightly.

"we'll see," he smirked, straightening back up and clapping as Slytherin scored again.

"oo they've seen the snitch!" Serena exclaimed as Harry and Draco dived for it simultaneously. Just as Harry caught the snitch he was hit in the back of his head by a bludger and flew off his broom, sprawling on the floor with such force he actually bounced.

Serena's gasp was drowned out by Severus' snigger as he stood up and clapped loudly at his players. Serena shot up too and looked down at the scuffle happening below. The Weasley twins were straining against girls holding them back as they tried to fight members of the Slytherin team. Serena noticed the platinum hair of Malfoy fronting the argument.

"can't you keep that bloody ferret in check?" she muttered to Severus.

"It's Potter's bloody fault," he shot back.

"like hell it is! Your Beater hit him on the head with a bloody bludger just to spite him! Albus tell him I'm-" Serena looked round into the empty stand. "oh, they've all gone down."

He smirked, "I know, come on we'd better follow."

They descended down the steps two at a time and at one point when Serena nearly tripped and fell, Severus grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back against his body until she had steadied herself.

"okay?" he murmured in her ear, able to touch her now that they were shielded from view from the crowd.

"mm hmm," she sighed, reaching a hand behind his neck to tangle in his hair. They stood there for moments until loud voices from below reached them.

"Harry! Harry! GEORGE! NO!" *

At the shouting, they both sped down the stairs, wands drawn and walking straight into a fight between the Weasley twins, Potter and Malfoy. As Madam Hooch parted them with a spell, Snape marched straight over to Malfoy and dragged him to the side, cuffing him over the ear deftly. Serena watched as he began muttering threats and punishments in the terrified looking Malfoy's ear. The Gryffindors were sent up to the castle by Madam Hooch to see Minerva.

As she took a tiny step closer to Severus she could hear what he was saying.

"We clearly need to start defensive spells, and physical fighting, hell Draco if you can't even beat Potter-"

Serena walked away, shaking her head to herself and making a mental note to talk to him afterwards.

She settled in her living room and curled up on the sofa with a pepper up potion infused into her coke, and a pile of essays to write.

At around half eight and forty three essays later, there was a soft knock on the door.

"Come in."

Severus walked through and shut the door, making sure the permanent wards he had placed were still working strongly. He moved a few essays onto the floor and sat down. "Minerva is in absolute uproar," he smirked. "She's taking up protest in Albus' office- Dolores Umbridge has banned three of her team from playing Quidditch ever again."

"ever again?" Serena exclaimed. "who? Why?"

"Potter and the twins for the fight today."

"For the fight? That wasn't a bloody fight it was banter between houses. How can she ban them for bloody life? Does she even have the authority? And Potter's the best player Minerva has… and what about your shitty little platinum boy wonder? Has he been banned for life too? And those insolent thugs he calls friends?"

"Umbridge has been given the authority by the Minister, through the passing of some educational decree number hundred and whatever we're on now. There is nothing Albus nor Minerva can do. And no, Draco has not been banned. I've given him a months worth of detentions."

"so you can use the time to teach him how to fight properly- yes I heard you, that's barbaric! The boy's a waste of bloody space, going to turn out just like his father-"

"that's not true," Severus interrupted in a harsh and final voice.

Serena stopped and sensed his anger.

"Draco is more like his mother," he continued. "Narcissa is a kind and warm hearted woman who had a series of bad luck. You think you can just walk away and say no if Lucius Malfoy asks you to be his wife? She had no choice in the matter, it was marry him or die. She had to wear a mask, making herself be the best wife she could be, and eventually, she did fall in love with Lucius. If someone tried to pull them apart now she would be devastated, but the one thing she loves more than her husband is her son. She brought him up well, considering the circumstances we all find ourselves in. Narcissa, and now Draco, protect themselves by wearing a thick outer shell of armour. It would be wrong to hold that against them."

There was a long pause whilst Serena processed all the information and wondered what to say next. "How are you so close to his mother?"

"We were at school together. Narcissa joined the Death Eater family at the same time I did, we naturally bonded. She does not agree with most the Dark Lord says, but for the sake of her family she must not show that. I taught her occlumency, years ago."

"like you taught me?"

Severus sensed something else in her tone and he shook his head. "Do not be jealous."

"I'm not, I just asked a simple question."

"no, not like you. She needed occlumency to live. You needed it to make your life easier."

"Oh, so she's the noble one and I'm the spoilt one, is that it?" She snapped, throwing her pen down and glaring at him.

"That is not what I said," he frowned, getting frustrated now.

"well it's what you were implying wasn't it? God I thought it was something special and personal, but no, it turns out you do it with any woman who comes along-"

"Serena!" he growled, standing up as she did.

"and did you kiss her too? Did you caress her face? Stroke her hair?"

"Serena you are being ridiculous!"

"No Severus I'm not-"

"Have you been drinking?" he snapped suddenly.

"Oh fuck off, you can't play the morality card now-"

Severus picked up her glass and sniffed it. What he had assumed to be plain coca cola had a strong smell of mint.

"Is this alcohol?"

"I'm not drunk!" she shouted, "I've just realised that our time together didn't mean as much to you as it did to me."

"What's in your drink?"

"it's a bloody pepper up, stop freaking out."

"Pepper up doesn't smell of mint…" he was almost talking to himself now and Severus finally saw why she was so upset. "We're going to talk about this," he muttered. He stalked into her bathroom and pulled a sober up potion from the cupboard and practically forced it down her throat.

She continued to glare at him, her cheeks flushed and her eyes wide and he was forced to the conclusion that it was not alcohol in her drink.

"Serena look in my eyes."

She tried her best to but she was unfocussed and she kept flickering to look at different things. "I think there's something wrong with me," she whispered finally.

He traced his wand over her face and then examined her drink again, sniffing it and prodding it with his wand. "there's fluxweed in this."

She shook her head, "it's just pepper up."

"this isn't one of mine," he realised suddenly. "where is this from?"

"um I picked it up in Diagon Alley; I figured you had enough on your hands without having to brew stupid things for me all the time."

"Right. I'm going to get you a mild sleeping potion just whilst the effects are flushed out of your body. Then we're going to talk."

She nodded and took the potion he had summoned for her. She curled up on the side of the sofa, looking at the floor with worried eyes. "I'm really sorry," she whispered, her eyes suddenly tearful. "I feel really jealous."

"hush," he murmured, sitting next to her and threading a hand through her hair. "sleep now, my little one."

Whilst she slept he examined the potions bottles in her cupboard, throwing some out and keeping others that were his, sometimes making notes in his potions journal about each concoction. He woke her just an hour later, giving her a glass of cool water and then they sat opposite each other at the kitchen table with three potions bottles sitting between them.

"First, I want to impose some new rules. I am going to talk- you are going to listen, understand?"

She nodded, feeling like a child being scolded.

"Never ever drink potions made by anyone other than myself, okay?"

She nodded and began nibbling on her bottom lip nervously.

"Next, a pepper up is to be used for symptoms of the common cold. It is sometimes helpful if one is physically exhausted to boost one's energy levels but you've been using It much too often recently- yes I've noticed- the point is you need to cut down. Do all your work in the afternoon, finish as early as possible and we'll try and get to bed earlier.

"Finally, this isn't a rule, more of a… well…" he sighed and decided to just come out with it. "Serena don't think that the time I spent with you meant any less because I had done something vaguely similar with someone else. You must remember that Albus asked me to find the route of your problems because he knew I had knowledge of the mind."

"The things I said… I didn't mean them, I don't. I mean I _am _a little jealous, but what I said was-"

"It is fine. There is nothing between Narcissa and I. We were very close when we were young, but that is all, her advances were unrequited and she, nor I, have ever questioned our completely platonic relationship again."

She nodded and risked a glance into his eyes. "She used to like you?"

He half shrugged. "Narcissa was scared and alone. She was confused by the fact that I also was in a position where I had to hide my true self. She recognised that I did not truly belong with the Death Eaters. I regretted joining almost immediately, although of course my regret was never voiced."

"How did she tell you?"

Severus pressed a hand to the corner of her eyes and she shook her head quickly. "I'm sorry-"

"No, no it's fine. It is natural to be curious, hell I've questioned you enough about your past relationships, not that this was," he quickly added. "Narcissa and I were drinking together one night. She told me how she felt and I told her in a kind way that I did not have the same feelings. She was simply scared of the interest Lucius was showing in her. I advised her and she apologised for her advances, telling me that our _friendship_ meant a lot to her. If you remember, a few weeks ago when someone apparated to Spinner's End and you had to call me?"

Serena nodded.

"That was Narcissa, she was unable to heal some of the wounds I had caused to Lucius," he smirked. "I gave her some healing balms and made sure she knew never to hesitate in calling on me. We are close friends."

She nodded, "I'm sorry if I made my questions sound like an interrogation…"

He smiled and took her hand. "I understand."

Over the next few days Severus made sure she was kept busy when he was away, and he had made a habit of taking some of his work to her rooms so that they could mark side by side, occasionally sharing the odd remark about a pupil. His motive was not only to keep an eye on her potion consummation, but to make sure she was reassured that even though circumstances were different, they were still married.

He was enjoying it more than he'd expected, and once when he'd criticised Potter's spelling, they'd enjoyed light banter before she'd thrown cushions at him and then pounced onto his lap, pinning his hands down with bonds from her wand before kissing him soundly and undoing his trouser buttons.

He tried to convince himself that he could escape if he wanted to, but he wasn't a hundred percent sure he could. She teased him with her mouth, bringing him so close and then moving her attentions elsewhere, leaving him groaning in frustration. After almost fifteen minutes of denied orgasm, she sat, with her skirt off, on his knee and demanded to know what he thought of Potter's essay now. After groaning that it was the best he'd ever read, she pulled aside her pants and sank down onto him, resulting in his long shout of release and her smirk of triumph.


	85. Chapter 84

"Ooh, Sirius and Remus are throwing a party!" Serena exclaimed, looking up from her letter, two weeks before the Christmas holidays.

Severus grunted from behind his paper.

"it's Christmas themed fancy dress!"

At this he lowered his paper. "Well that's decided then. There is no way on this earth I am going to a ruddy fancy dress party."

"aw come on, spoil sport you can just put some reindeer ears on!"

He raised his eyebrows with a disgusted look on his face and she laughed, "maybe not."

"hmm."

"Well don't dress up then, but please come, who am I going to dance with otherwise?" she pouted.

"mm. I'll think about it. Now hurry up and get ready I want to see Albus before going to Headquarters."

"why?"

"Because I want to talk about the secret meetings going on with the students. I'm sure you've noticed."

She smiled, "who the hell hasn't noticed- first of all they all pile into the Hog's Head of all places. Aberforth owled me immediately, he'd never had so many people in his pub at once before- ran out of glasses and stools apparently."

"Bet it was the idiot Potter's idea," he muttered.

"Mmm, I don't see your Slytherins taking the initiative and actually doing something."

"Who said they weren't? Slytherins are cunning, they have plans, some have been put into action, you just haven't noticed because they're actually good at it."

"what plans?" she said, surprised.

He smirked.

"aw come on!"

"not a chance," he drawled. "Use your own powers of detection; you won't have me betraying my house."

"Fine, but when I do find out, don't expect me to hold my peace."

"game on, Mrs Snape. Now get dressed before I drag you there half naked.

She changed out of his shirt and into muggle clothes and walked briskly up to Albus' office. Severus had taken a different route, going down into the dungeons and then up via a secret staircase. When Severus got there Serena was looking into Albus' pensieve and prodding at whatever was in there.

"Is this the one you've been using?" she asked as he walked in.

He nodded.

"for your diary?"

"yes. Albus, we need to talk about Potter and his minions."

"I wondered when you'd come. I've already had Umbridge of course."

"I imagine that was an enjoyable conversation," he smirked.

"well I don't know what she thinks she's playing at, honestly, vile woman."

Serena spluttered, "Albus it's not like you to insult people behind their backs!"

"There are two women I cannot tolerate Serena. Dolores Umbridge and Rita Skeeter."

"Only two?"

"That is all I can accommodate."

"anyway," Severus interrupted, "Potter. He is being bloody foolish, could get himself expelled."

"I thought you didn't care?" Serena said.

"Have you lost your brain today?" he asked with raised eyebrows. "If the boy is expelled then he has no education, no way of protecting himself against the Dark Lord, and since he's supposed to be the bloody Boy Who Lived, _Chosen One_ or whatever, that's not good for the wizarding world."

"take a chill pill," she muttered.

"a what?" he frowned.

"never mind, look I'm tired it's not my fault I was kept awake half the night!"

"bloody well was," he growled quietly so that only she could hear him.

She smiled seductively and then turned back to Albus. "Do you think we should help Harry or ignore his attempts?"

He sighed, "Ignore the attempts, but aid him in any other way you can."

She nodded, "no problem. And Umbridge?"

Severus smirked, "Make her life bloody hell."

"no problem." She repeated, smiling this time.

Albus put a gentle hand on her arm. "Serena my dear, do be careful, I know what're you're like when you get a grudge. She will not hesitate to get you sacked."

"Well she's only here for a year isn't she?"

"we can't make assumptions at this time. By the way, by the end of this week she will have watch on all the floos, so I'm afraid your little connection won't be able to work anymore. I know it will make things harder for you, but Alastor has leant me his spare invisibility cloak, if you'd like to borrow it. This also means, no flooing to Grimauld Place, nor to Spinner's End."

She scowled. "The cloak would make it a lot easier, thank you Albus. God what a detestable woman! Where's privacy gone!" She turned to Severus who had a thoughtful look on his face. "should we be getting to Grimauld about now?"

He inclined his head. "I will join you shortly."

She stepped through the floo whilst she still could, into the living room at Grimauld. It was empty and she vanished the soot off her clothes before walking into the lively kitchen.

"Serena! Are you coming to the party?"

"Yes, yes, although I'm not sure I can drag Severus with me."

"Just wear something unbelievably sexy and then he won't let you out of his sight," Sirius smirked.

"Good plan!"

She sat up on the worktop at the back of the kitchen and when Severus arrived a few minutes later he stood besides her and looked as imposing as ever.

Albus followed shortly after Severus and began the meeting.

"Harry has been having visions, of the Department of Mysteries in the Ministry," he began. "Voldemort is pursuing the prophecy."

Severus grimaced at the pain in his arm at the sound of the Dark Lord's name and he felt Serena's fingers trailing through the back of his hair to soothe him.

"Voldemort is strengthening the connection between his mind and Harry's. I'm sure the majority of you are aware that I have been distancing my relationship with Harry this year, making sure that Voldemort is disinterested in it. If he sees that it is anything more than a simple student/headmaster relationship I fear he may try to get to me through Harry."

At this point Severus was practically glaring at Albus as he stood stiffly with Serena now rubbing his shoulders in slow circles. He listened with one ear and let his mind wander with the other. He had been writing in his diary that morning about the time when he'd kissed Serena as they'd been practising occlumency in his classroom. The feelings he'd felt then were so confusing for him- he hadn't been attracted to a woman like that in years. And now here he was, married to her, madly in love with her and completely besotted.

He turned his head slightly so he could watch her from the corner of his eye. She was watching Albus with nervousness on her face, yet her hands continued to rub soothing circles on his shoulders. He was tempted to shut his eyes and relax into her ministrations, but he knew he could not. She was swinging her legs slightly and he caught one of her ankles in his hand when he'd made sure no one would notice. She stilled and turned to look at him. "you okay?" he murmured quietly.

She nodded. "It just sort of dwelled on me that we're in the middle of a war."

"indeed. Sometimes I forget how young you are."

She shoved him playfully. "sometimes I forget how old you are."

He turned to see her grinning.

"cheeky," he muttered, squeezing her ankle gently.

She ran her fingers through his hair again and he kissed her softly.

"Severus?" a voice echoed, but Severus could only feel Serena at that moment, the way her lips met with his so perfectly, and her hands gently threading through his hair.

He pulled back softly when the kiss ended and smiled at her flushed face. They turned back towards the room to find everyone staring at them with a mixture of disbelief and amusement.

"Pay attention," Alastor Moody grumbled in his deep Irish voice, "she's gorgeous but can we get to the bloody meeting now!"

Severus cleared his throat. "what is your question?"

"Will you be able to acquire the Dark Lord's rota for who is keeping watch outside the Department of Mysteries?"

"of course," he replied in a cold voice.

"Then we'll have to use my invisibility cloak," Alastor spoke to the room. Severus caught Serena's eye once the attention had been turned away from them, and she blushed once again.

"that was your fault," he murmured in her ear. "you'll be punished, you know."

"just you try," she smirked.

* * *

Two days before term finished, Serena was in Severus' living room, lying with her head in his lap whilst he read _Wuthering Heights_ to her in a deep sensual tone.

"'She's dead!" he said. 'I've not waited for you to learn that.'" Severus stopped reading as he noticed a tear tracking down Serena's face. "My love, why do you ask me to read this to you if it makes you upset?"

She sniffed and wiped the tear away, smiling sadly up at him. "It's not my fault it's sad!"

"Then read a happier book."

"But life isn't always happy. Doesn't it stir you even for a moment?"

He shrugged. "Heathcliff was a fool. So was Catherine. Maybe they deserved it."

"I'm a fool sometimes," she said, sitting up.

"Not as she was."

"perhaps not… Well anyway, it's one of my favourite books, but perhaps we'll carry on reading tomorrow."

"Indeed, it is midnight and there are classes at nine tomorrow."

Serena brushed her teeth and got ready for bed whilst Severus was changing into the black sweat pants he insisted on wearing. When she emerged from the bathroom he walked over to her, carrying the black shirt he'd been wearing under his robes that today. He pulled off her t shirt and bra and then her jeans, admiring her body before pulling his shirt around her. She inhaled the smell deeply as he did the buttons up so that they just covered her breasts.

He ran his hands through her hair, messing it up before running his thumb over her red bottom lip.

"you look beautiful."

"and you're a little biased. Now let's get into bed, I'm freezing in this bloody dungeon."

He chuckled and once they were under the covers, he wrapped his body around her, holding her in his arms as they slowly drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Serena! Serena wake up!" Severus said loudly, shaking her almost violently until she jerked upright and pulled out her wand from under the pillow.

"wus goin' on?" she mumbled, looking around the dark room. "lumos."

Severus was pulling on a shirt and buttoning it up quickly. "There's someone at the door. Get dressed."

* * *

**A/N: :o who's at the door? reviews are appreciated! even if they're just one word! **


	86. Chapter 85

Severus ran out through the classroom to the door and pulled it open, his wand drawn, only to bump into Minerva wearing her dressing gown with her hair pulled into a loose ponytail.

"Minnie?"

"Albus needs you immediately, and Serena, I imagine she is here?"

Severus nodded and called for her. She peeked out of his living room into the classroom nervously. When she saw Minerva she ran over, wearing only Severus' long shirt with a blanket wrapped around her shoulders.

"what's wrong?"

"It's Arthur Weasley; he's been attacked by a snake at the ministry. We can't talk here, come to Albus' as soon as possible, and watch out for Dolores, she's prowling the bloody halls." With that, Minerva scurried off and Severus shut and locked the door.

Serena scrambled into jeans and a t shirt whilst Severus rummaged around in his potion stores, sending vials and jars whizzing into a black shoulder bag. Serena grabbed his robes and clean trousers and a shirt from the cupboards and laid them out ready for him.

"Get me my books on antidotes," he called as he changed as quickly as he could. She dropped them into his bag and waited by the door, Alastor's invisibility cloak in her hand.

"Is it His snake?"

"Um," he muttered, pulling on his boots and doing the laces with a practised wave of his wand. "I'm sorry I can't do questions now, I need to think. And put that on," he muttered, nodding at the invisibility cloak whilst slinging the bag over his shoulder and casting a disillusionment charm over himself. "When I open the door I want you to slip out and wait for me to start walking. When I'm ten steps ahead, follow, and walk in my footsteps, I wouldn't put it past that bloody woman to cast some kind of tripping jinx in order to find us."

She nodded and pulled the cloak on, disappearing from sight.

He pulled open the door and peered outside, casting a discreet Homenum Revelio charm as he felt Serena drift past him silently. His charm revealed there was no one there and he shut his door and began walking, using his years of being spy to help him stay alert. As he passed the entrance hall, he heard that familiar click clacking of high heels and he stepped into the shadows, keeping still and allowing his disillusionment charm to work. She emerged from the Great Hall, her wand held out before her, casting light across the floor as she paused and listened. Severus listened intently too, hoping Serena was holding her breath. It appeared she was, and Umbridge continued walking, taking the route right past Severus' hiding place.

Suddenly there was a loud bang and a flash of light and Severus was sure he heard Serena's gasp, swallowed up by Umbridge's shrill scream. In a whoosh the Poltergeist, Peeves, was upon her, spinning around her screaming and throwing more magical firecrackers on the floor.

"_Oh Umbridge is walking the halls on this night,_

_So Peevsey he sees her and gives her a fright!" _

The ghost made a screeching noise and threw more firecrackers into the air before zooming off into the distance, with Umbridge screaming threats and curses in his direction. She hurried after him as fast as her stubby legs could carry her, muttering under her breath about how 'the Minister would hear about this!'

Severus heard a sigh of relief and Serena pulled off the cloak, emerging about eight feet away from him.

"That was bloody terrifying, but Merlin thank Peeves for getting her out of here."

"come on."

They ran up to Albus' office and the door was pulled open by Alastor Moody before Serena had a chance to knock. She almost screamed like Umbridge, but managed to contain her fear, emitting a small squeak and jumping back into Severus' hard chest. He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her through the door, caringly but firmly.

"Albus?" he said, his tone sharp and serious.

"Arthur was on duty tonight outside the Department. It seems Voldemort was sending a spy to suss things out and see the defences in place. It has bitten Arthur badly. He's in St. Mungo's, Severus I ask you to go there now; I am told the Healer is finding it difficult to stop the venom spreading. I will join you there shortly."

"How did you find him?" Severus asked, pausing at the door.

Albus looked grave. "Harry had a vision. What we feared is happening. I have sent him and the Weasley children to Grimauld Place, they may as well stay there now, Minerva has given Umbridge some excuse. Serena, might I ask you to accompany Severus to St Mungos, you may be of some help, what with your skills. Afterwards I imagine Remus and Sirius would like your company at Grimauld Place; taking care of many distraught teenagers is not an easy task."

"Of course, has Molly been informed?"

"Tonks has flown over there and will be taking her to St Mungos presently. Good Luck to you."

They left quickly, Serena throwing on the invisibility cloak again. They reached the doors without meeting anyone and once they were enveloped by the darkness she pulled it off before waving her wand and casting a few privacy charms.

"Are we safe to talk out here?" she asked, almost jogging to keep up with his long strides.

"it is best if we do not. I will explain as soon as we are at Headquarters later on."

"okay… Is Arthur going to be okay?"

"I don't know."

"sorry, that was a stupid question," she muttered.

"It is fine, you are experiencing mixed emotions at this moment."

"Well I wish I could handle them as well as you can."

"I can't always handle them," he muttered, and they both remembered the moment they sat on the floor, clutching each other and sobbing apologies and promises until they were breathless.

They apparated to St Mungos as soon as they were beyond the Hogwarts boundary and were quickly shown to Arthur's room by a Healer.

Arthur Weasley was unconscious, lying on a small hospital bed, his whole left side covered in blood. Molly was clutching his good hand and sobbing as two Healers tried to stop the flow of blood.

Severus swept past them and began talking in a hurried, low voice, gathering the information and confirming what methods they had tried already. Serena went to Molly and hugged her tightly, conjuring a tissue and handing it to her.

"th-thank you," she hiccupped, not taking her eyes from Arthur.

"He'll be fine Molly don't you worry, he's got the best Healers in the country looking after him and Severus is here now too."

She nodded and Serena squeezed her hand, flinching at the concoction of fear and worry flowing through her. They watched as Severus applied a cream to the wound on Arthur's arm and the skin smoked suddenly. The two Healers shook their heads and Severus turned back and started routing in his bag. They tried another potion which failed to work as well and Severus flicked through a large book he'd brought, skimming the pages with urgency.

"Severus can I take it from him? Will it work if I heal him?"

"No," he said sharply. "don't even think about it."

"But I can do it I know I can," she urged.

"no, Miss Lake, in order for you to heal him you would have to take his injuries-"

"so?" she argued, ignoring the formal use of her name.

"so Miss Lake, you would take his pain, his injury and there is a risk that the venom would be transferred too." He was glaring at her angrily now and she stared back defiantly, crossing her arms.

"I can heal it! I can heal the injury and probably rid the venom from my system-"

"_probably_," he snarled, "exactly."

"look if there is a chance that Arthur will live-"

"and what about you!" he growled.

"You haven't felt her emotions!" she shouted, pointing at a terrified looking Molly. "You don't know what she's going through!" her shoulders slumped and she turned to Molly, kneeling on the floor in front of her.

"let me try," she whispered. "it might work."

Molly patted her face and tried to smile through her tears. "I can't let you risk-"

"please," she whispered. "I'm not going to stand by and let Arthur die."

Molly shrugged helplessly and looked to Severus. That was all the confirmation Serena needed. Before Severus could say another word she'd taken Arthur's hand and shut her eyes. As the pain hit her she bit hard on her lip to stop from crying out, taking his wound and healing it in her mind. The pain subsided in a few seconds and she concentrated on trying to remove the venom, she could picture it in her mind, all the particles gushing through his bloodstream, yet it wouldn't move, wouldn't be healed.

_It's not physical damage_, her mind told her. Like the after shocks of the Cruciatus Curse this venom would not be moved. She opened her eyes and gasped in lung fulls of air, watching as the Healer's checked Arthur's vitals.

"It worked," one of them gasped, "his wound has heeled, the bleeding has stopped."

"The poison's still in his blood stream," she muttered, pressing a hand to her eyes as a pounding headache took over. She felt a rough hand pulling her arm away and Severus' wand was shoved in her face as he cast a diagnostic spell on her and glared at her terribly.

She knew she was in trouble, but they couldn't talk about it now and so she just looked into his eyes defiantly.

After a moment he stood up and turned back to the bed, "we need to find a cure for this poison."

"Oh Serena," Molly gasped, hugging her tightly. "thank you so much for trying!"

"It's fine, Molly really, you can't expect me to sit here and do nothing. Don't tell him though, will you?"

"oh but why?"

She shrugged and pulled a face. "I'd prefer it if he didn't know."

She nodded and hugged her again.

Severus left the room to be taken to the potions lab where they brewed remedies and solutions. Serena sat with Molly for an hour, occasionally tuning in on her elementarial senses and seeing everything in particles rather than as solid objects. It was almost soothing. Bill, her eldest son arrived and Serena made her excuses and left them in private, deciding to floo over to Grimauld Place.

She was met with a grim scene. A depressed and unshaven looking Sirius and Remus were sitting around the long table with frustrated and upset Weasley children. Harry Potter sat on his right, and they all clutched bottles of butterbeer as though they were life itself.

They started as she walked in and then scowled at the false hope she had given them- they'd wanted it to be Molly.

"I've just come from the hospital," she said, causing four ginger heads to snap up. "Your Father is stable, his wound is healed and they've stopped the bleeding. The only problem is that they can't figure out how to rid the venom from his system. They've got the best Healers on it, and Severus is brewing for them. He's got a good chance, don't worry."

Their shoulders sagged and Ginny started to cry.

"Where's mum?" George asked in a rough voice.

"She's with your Father, Bill is there too."

"Is she okay?

"She's doing fine, don't worry about Molly she's a tough one."

She sat down next to Harry and shoved his arm gently, taking in his emotions from a seemingly innocent gesture. "you okay?" she asked quietly.

He nodded and looked uncomfortable.

"Harry, call me Serena whilst we're in Grimmauld Place, I'm not your teacher here."

He nodded, "thanks… Serena."

"If you want to talk anyone of us will listen. I can feel that something is on your mind."

It took him a moment to realise what she meant. "I didn't know you could do that for real," he muttered.

She smiled. "look, Sirius has gone to get more butterbeer, go and catch him now."

He made a small nod and followed Sirius out. As dawn was breaking through the fake window in the kitchen, Molly came through the door with Bill behind her and she swooped Ron into a hug. "He's going to be alright!"

They all breathed sighs of relief and hugged her tightly before making their way up to bed. "Where's Severus?" she said to Bill who had stayed down for a nightcap with Remus and Sirius.

He shrugged, "He was still at the hospital when we left. He was brilliant, thank him for us again, Serena."

She smiled and nodded, "I shall."

Serena had to apparate back to Hogwarts and as she walked up the drive, shivering in the winter air, the sun rose on the horizon. She let herself into Severus' rooms after making sure there was no one around, and she settled down on the sofa in his living room, setting his wizarding alarm clock to wake her in just an hour.


	87. Chapter 86

She grumbled as Severus' alarm clock woke her way too early, and she slumped off his sofa and walked into the bedroom, expecting to find Severus there. He wasn't. She checked the other rooms but still couldn't find him and so she took a shower and got dressed in robes for teaching. As she made herself a cup of coffee, Severus walked in looking completely exhausted, his face pale and his eyes heavy. She pressed the coffee into his hand and sat him on the sofa.

"you've been at the hospital all night?"

He nodded.

"you have a class at nine?"

He nodded again.

"right, drink and eat first, you've got twenty five minutes." She went and got him some fresh robes and his boots and laid them ready on the bed, before running him a hot bath.

As he sank into the hot water with a grateful sigh, she sat next to him and drank another coffee she'd made. "you stayed in the lab all night?"

He nodded, closing his eyes.

"why?"

"We found a potion to break up the venom into separate un-harmful components that will be easier to flush out of his body. He has to take the potion four times a day for the next few weeks so I needed to brew sufficient amounts. Honestly some of them brewers in the hospital are disgraceful, they didn't even clean out their cauldrons properly! Didn't seem to understand that a mistake like that could kill someone. Complete dunderheads."

"Bill wanted me to thank you."

"He's said so enough times," he muttered distastefully. "and I've had Molly hugging me."

She smiled, "Don't grumble, they're just grateful, you've saved his life."

He grunted, obviously uncomfortable with that information.

"right come on, that's enough relaxing in the bath. Get dressed, there's a caffeine potion on the nightstand to keep you awake for the morning."

"You're an angel," he murmured, opening his eyes and looking into hers.

She smiled and handed him a towel, running a hand through his wet hair. "I have to go."

He nodded, "take the invisibility cloak this morning."

"I'll see you this afternoon."

She hurried out of his rooms and up to her own office under the invisibility cloak, two minutes before her own class of first years arrived. She set them work and tried not to fall asleep at her desk when Dolores Umbridge walked in, making her stupid coughing sound and making Serena squint from the brightness of her pink cardigan.

"Professor Lake," she said, smiling falsely in her high voice. "May I have a word?"

She raised her eyebrows and nodded, "certainly, Dolores."

"Is there somewhere more private?"

She grimaced, "certainly."

They went into her office and Serena sat on her desk, watching Dolores who was smiling at her sickeningly.

"I happened to see you walking into the castle in the early hours of this morning."

"did you?" she said in a false voice, trying to look interested.

"what were you doing, might I ask?"

"I don't really see how that's any of your business, Dolores."

She made another stupid giggle and Serena had to stop herself rolling her eyes.

"Ah but you see, since dear Cornelius named me Hogwarts High Inquisitor, I have the authority to investigate the members of staff, so you should tell me know where you went last night, and I might be able to delay my full investigation into your _celebrated_ life."

Serena glared. "I was at St Mungo's as a friend of mine was unwell."

"His name?"

"I imagine by the word 'his' that you already know."

She smiled, "your answer would be better."

"Arthur Weasley."

She wrote something down on her notebook and then smiled before walking out of the office. Serena took a few moments to compose herself before walking back to her class.

She was glad they were Gryffindors and Ravenclaws that empathised with her feelings towards Umbridge and they were all scowling with similar faces too.

After classes she braved the cold to walk down the Hogwarts drive before apparating to Grimauld Place. It was just beginning to snow and she took a few moments to glance around the grounds. A movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention and she spotted Severus marching briskly towards her, a scowl on his face and his cloak whipped back behind him in the wind.

She waited until he caught up with him and then fell into step beside him silently.

"Bloody woman," he growled, walking so fast that she had to jog to keep up with him.

"I know," she huffed, "I've had the interrogation about Arthur too."

"Not just about Arthur," he snapped. "I've had her in my office for a fucking hour going through my things and financial arrangements and personal fucking life! It's a bloody good job Albus fiddle the marriage certificate for us otherwise she would no doubt have found that out too!"

"What's she looking for?"

"What do you bloody think! Evidence to sack me! Evidence I'm still a Death Eater! Evidence I've got ten billion fucking skeletons in my fucking closet!"

"babe-"

"No Serena! I'm not fucking standing for this! She's already ruining my fucking life, not being able to have my wife in my bed at night without having someone interrupting us! Merlin!"

With that exclamation, Severus turned on the spot and apparated, followed shortly by Serena who slipped through the door he had held open.

"How can Albus fucking let this happen!" he continued as they walked through the dark hall in Grimauld Place to the kitchen in the basement below. "Fucking naïve old fool, all he had to do was put me in her position and get old Slughorn or someone to come out of retirement- or even share hours with other professors to teach potions!"

Serena strode along behind him, letting him rant on until he had vented his anger. With his final exclamation of 'Merlin!' he fell silent and Serena stopped and took his hand, pulling him against her in the narrow, dark corridor and tilting her head up to look into his dark, glittering eyes. She could hear the distant chatter of people from the kitchen behind the closed door to their left but otherwise the house seemed silent.

"tell me how you feel," she said quietly, giving him a chance to tell her although she could feel his emotions anyway.

He sighed and let himself relax under her gaze. "I am angry," he said softly. "I am frustrated, I feel betrayed by Albus… and standing here with you asking me a question I know you already know the answer to makes me remember how much you mean to me."

He pressed his forehead against hers gently and then kissed her lips tenderly. "What are we doing for Christmas?" he asked.

"I thought we could have our first Christmas together at home," she smiled. "I ask only that we come here for an hour in the afternoon."

He smiled and kissed her again. "that sounds perfect."

The kitchen door was suddenly flung open and Sirius appeared, scowling at them distastefully. "can't keep your hands off her, can you?"

Severus straightened up and stepped up to him. "What is it to you, Black?"

"guys, please-"

"I don't like you putting your filthy hands on-"

"my _wife_," Severus hissed, his hand moving towards his wand.

"guys, guys, Sirius, Sev, please stop-"

"Are you going to reveal then, _Snivellus,_ what love potion you snuck her?"

Severus hardly waited for him to finish the sentence before he had slammed Sirius back against the wall, pressing a hand against his throat and fighting off the punches Sirius began throwing at him.

"STOP!" Serena shouted, drawing her wand as the kitchen door was flung open again and the two men were separated by a sharp bang of Samuel's wand.

"What's going on?" Remus said sharply, looking between the two panting and glaring men.

"nothing," Sirius scowled, turning and walking up the stairs away from them all.

Serena pushed Remus gently back into the kitchen. "what's going on Remus?"

He shook his head and sighed. "Another one of his bloody mood swings, I don't know. He's been at it all week."

"He's probably looked in the mirror," Severus muttered.

Serena turned on him and raised her wand in a threatening manner. "I'm not happy with you!" she scolded.

A hint of a smirk played on his lips and she scowled even more, crossing her arms defiantly.

He began to smile and she whacked him on the arm. "this isn't funny Severus! You can't just strangle my friends and expect to get away with it!" She pushed past him and walked out to find Sirius. She expected Severus to follow her but when she glanced back he was helping himself to a glass of mulled wine, smirking to himself. She stormed up a level and found Sirius pacing the hallway angrily.

"What's going on Sirius?"

"Don't you bloody start," he snapped, stopping and facing her across the hall.

"Look don't have a go, I'm your bloody friend!"

"Then leave me alone," he hissed.

"There's something not right with you, I know it, I can feel it radiating of you-" She outstretched her hand towards him and he leapt backwards looking outraged.

"Don't even fucking think about it!" he shouted. "You can't steal my fucking emotions from me! You know I've always hated what you can do? When we used to fuck and I knew that you were feeling everything- I couldn't hide anything-"

"Sirius, please," she said quietly, taking small steps towards him, her face crumpled.

"no!" he yelled, and they both heard the pounding of feet on the stairs as the others ran to find them. "no you can't fucking sweet talk me! God you could give Remus a run for his fucking money- and I know, by the way, I know how you feel about him-"

"Sirius-"

"You want him as well don't you-"

"I'm not taking this," she warned him, shaking her head slowly and clenching her wand tightly.

"I've heard you both before, saying how much you love one another-"

"as friends!"

"no! What a slut you are-"

That was enough for Serena and she shot a stunner at him with an angry flick of her wand. Sirius jumped out of its path just in time and then shot another curse back. They duelled fast and Serena could hear shouting behind her, yet she paid no attention until Sirius was hit square in the chest with a powerful spell, flinging him back into the front door with a crunch.

She span around to see Severus marching towards him with a snarl on his face and his wand outstretched.

"no, no! Severus, stop, stop, hear me, stop!"

Severus tried to barge past her as Sirius began to stir but she held him at bay, silently begging him as she tried to blink away her tears.

"Severus," came Remus' rough voice. "please."

Severus stopped and kept his scowl on Sirius who had stood up shakily with his wand at the ready.

"get out before I kick your fucking shitting balls off," Severus threatened in a dark and dangerous voice that Serena had heard very rarely.

Sirius looked at them all defiantly for a moment before opening the door and disapparating with a loud crack.

Serena dropped her hand from Severus and moved to see Remus' distraught face. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, walking to hug him tightly. Samuel clapped him on the shoulder and after a long moment Serena felt a firm hand on her arms, pulling her back. Severus turned her to him and looked deep into her eyes. "what happened?"

"I don't know," she shrugged helplessly. "It all got so wrong so fast and then we were duelling and-"

"you should have let me kill him," hr growled fiercely.

"no, no-"

"he called you a-" Severus paused and took a deep breath, his fists clenching tightly as he fought the urge to curse something.

"I need to find him," Remus muttered. "he can't stay out tonight, it's freezing, if we just talk maybe then-"

"Remus…"

He shook his head, a look of desperation on his face. "he's not leaving me, he's just, he's having a bad week…" Remus pressed his lips tightly together and walked blindly into Serena's arms. Samuel and Tonks who had seen everything walked back downstairs and gave them some privacy.

"Please," Remus whispered, "we have to find him, I can't leave him out there-"

"What's been wrong with him this week?"

He leant against the wall and shrugged. "He's been quiet and staying up late drinking, hardly bloody talking to me. I've tried to talk about anything, from the adoption to the radio and he just won't give in. He's been snappy with me. And then since Arthur… I dunno," he shrugged again. "But I do know I can't just leave him, he's all I have," he finished with a whisper.

"Do you know where he'll be?"

Remus pressed a hand to his eyes and nodded.

"where?"

When he didn't answer, Severus answered for him. "He'll be at Tracey's Fun House. The place he was at when he found Bertha."

Remus wiped away his tears and nodded.

"do you want someone to come with you?" she asked,

He shook his head. "Thanks, but it's something we have to sort out alone. Wish me luck."

He straightened his jacket and pulled out his wand before walking to the door and apparating away.

"What's wrong with him?" she said quietly, turning to Severus. "These past few months… since around the wedding, Sirius has just been a completely different man-"

Severus scowled and shrugged. "I think you're just seeing the real Black coming through."

"Severus please," she said in a frustrated voice. "He's my friend! I love him whether you like it or not and I'm worried about him-"

"Don't be ridiculous-"

"Severus!" she exclaimed, tears threatening in her eyes. "please…"

He squeezed the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. "Serena he said some disgusting things to you just now and sent some fucking horrible curses, how can I stand by and ignore him trying to destroy and hurt what is mine-"

"Just trust me."

He raised his hands in the air and scowled. "fine, whatever, it's your problem, okay."

She nodded and watched as he retreated back down the stairs to the kitchen, before she settled on the stairs with a sigh to wait for Remus to return.


	88. Chapter 87

As the night progressed more people began to arrive in headquarters, and Serena migrated up to the bedroom where she and Severus usually stayed to avoid the chatter. She had been lying for half an hour when Severus' urgent voice suddenly reached her ears.

"Then you have clearly misread the signs- no, I'm sorry- excuse me."

There was a shuffling sound and then the door to her room opened and Severus slipped inside, shutting it firmly behind him and pressing his forehead against it before turning to the room.

He jumped when he saw her and his hand instinctively flexed towards his wand before he recognised her and froze.

"what's wrong?" She slid off the bed and walked to him but her stepped back from her and held up a warning hand.

"Wait, just wait," he muttered looking distracted.

She retreated back to the bed and waited as he began to pace, scratching his head and looking confused.

"something has just happened…" he eventually said. "Bertha just- I mean, she…" he trailed off looking lost. "She, I mean I think she just tried to seduce me."

Serena spluttered, "what!"

"I was- I mean I told her no! I'm telling you- it wasn't me, I didn't give her any signs I just-"

"Sev, sev, slow down. Don't worry yourself I know you did nothing to encourage her advances. Just tell me the story."

He sat down on the bed next to her and put his head in his hands. "I was coming up to find you, I swear, and then she called me into her room and said she wanted to talk and it was something about classes and suddenly she started drawing these patterns on my leg and I thought it was absentminded and tried to shift away and suddenly it wasn't my leg and she's telling me she thinks she loves me and then tries to kiss me…" He turned to her with an exasperated expression. "what did I do? Should I have made things clearer, I mean-"

"Severus my sweet she's a teenage girl. She sees you as a dark Byronic hero-"

"She knows I am married! She knows I love you!"

"hush my love, I know, I know but she saw that she wanted you and you have to remember that she's been working as a prostitute for months- using her body is probably the only way she knows…"

"I told her no! I explained to her that it would never happen and then she was there pressing her body against me and trying to- trying to-"He gestured to his belt and Serena rubbed his shoulder soothingly.

"Do you know where she is now?"

He shook his head, "she went downstairs."

She sighed, "hopefully she's got the message now."

"and what if she hasn't-"

"then we keep telling her."

He nodded to himself and then checked his watch. "Shall we go to Spinners End? I could do with a coffee."

Serena pulled a face, "Coffee is the last thing I want, plus I wanted to stay and wait for Remus..."

"You love coffee," he stated.

She shrugged, "Well I don't today. Anyway, I think we'll go and wait downstairs."

This time he pulled a face. "Bertha will be there."

She smiled and took his hand. "Not scared of a teenager are you?"

"You know that is not my problem," he said in a tone that had a hint of sharpness to it. "I will not have anyone trying to ruin our relationship-"

"Severus the entire world would want to ruin our relationship-"

"then we take on the world," he interrupted.

She was silent for a moment and then slowly nodded. "Then let us stay up here together for tonight. I'll have the house elf bring us some scones or something."

He nodded and stretched out on the bed, taking off his robes and untucking his shirt. They had supper and eventually settled down for the night after Severus promised to cast sensor charms on the front door to alert them if Remus returned. At half past seven in the morning however, it was not a sensor charm that awoke Serena, but the sudden urge to throw up last nights scones. She lurched into the bathroom on the landing and spluttered over the toilet as her stomach wrenched and she vomited violently.

In a flash Severus was at her side, pulling her hair back and murmuring soft words to her as she threw up again,

"Bloody Kreacher," he growled as she eventually sat back and drank the water he passed to her. "I bet he put something in the food."

"he couldn't have else you'd be ill too," she muttered, casting cleansing spells over herself and moving back into the bedroom.

He huffed and then walked over to stroke her hair back from her eyes. "get into bed, I'll bring you a piece of toast and a coffee."

"no coffee," she muttered, snuggling under the covers and shutting her eyes.

He frowned but did not argue, just as he felt the sensor charms vibrate around him. Serena turned over and looked at him.

"Don't move," he insisted in a firm voice. "It might not even be them. If it is I will tell them to come and see you as soon as possible."

She mumbled something and pulled the covers up over her head. Severus gazed at her form for a moment before shutting the door and going to find out who had arrived.

Serena had been half sleeping for just half an hour when the bedroom door opened and a sheepish looking Sirius entered. He held up both his hands in a surrendering kind of manner as she scrambled out of bed and stood up.

"I think I have some apologising to do," he muttered, looking uncomfortable.

Serena shrugged and waited for his to speak.

"The things that I said… I didn't mean them… I don't know why I said it Serena, I just… I feel so paranoid _all the time_… I know you and Remus are the best of friends, but I just can't seem to get these images from my mind…"

"We'll help you Sirius," she promised, giving him a small smile before walking into his arms and hugging him tightly. "it's gonna be okay."

Sirius rested his chin on top of her head and sighed. "Are you okay? Snape said you were unwell."

"I'm feeling better now. Where is Severus?"

Sirius shrugged. "Dumbledore wanted him."

"do you know why?"

He shrugged again. "no idea but they're locked in his office downstairs."

"Right well shall we go downstairs? I'm starving."

Remus was sitting at the kitchen table with Max balanced on his knee trying to catch butterflies he had conjured. He looked up and smiled when they walked in. "you guys okay now?"

Serena smiled and Sirius nodded before walking over to kiss Remus tenderly. "thank you, Moony."

Max made a small sound of disgust at the kissing adults and Serena laughed. "why don't I look after the little man whilst you two have some…making up time?"

She was left in the kitchen as they practically raced upstairs and she played with him on a toy dragon Minerva had bought him. Half an hour later, Harry and his friends entered, followed by Bertha who shot Serena a scowl. She raised her eyebrows at the girl's unbecoming jealousy and made a mental note to keep her away from Severus.

"How's your father Ron?" she asked the fifth year boy as he made himself a sandwich.

"better, they think he'll be well enough to come home tomorrow."

"That's real great news!" she beamed, feeling relieved.

Ron nodded and turned red before going back to sit by Hermione on the other side of the kitchen.

There were suddenly heavy footsteps outside and Severus burst into the room looking angry.

"Professor are you okay?" Bertha interjected before Serena had a chance to open her mouth. She looked at Bertha incredulously and decided to ignore, rather than rise to, her taunts.

Severus froze and looked confused for a moment before muttering "fine" under his breath and turning back to the room. "Potter, a word please." He strode into the living room and Harry scurried after him nervously.


	89. Chapter 88

The living room door banged shut and they were left in an awkward silence. Serena raised her eyebrows and stood up, swinging Max onto her hip and moving over to the door to listen. She heard a low murmur and was surprised Severus had not cast a silencing charm and at that moment Sirius hurried downstairs, pulling on and buttoning a blue shirt.

"Where's Snape?" he said skidding to a halt next to her. "Remus and I were just…well whatever and then we heard Dumbledore telling Snape to find Harry. What's going on?"

"I've no idea but they're in the living roo- Sirius are you sure that's a good-" he had already gone in and shut the door firmly behind him and Serena sighed as Remus bounded down the stairs too.

"Where's Padfoot?"

"He's gone in the living room with Sev and Harry, I don't know what they're talking about but it seems to be going okay."

At that moment they both heard shouting and Serena sighed. "I knew it was too good to be true. Come on Max, let's get you in the kitchen so Aunty Serena can sort them naughty boys out."

She took him to the other students and shut the kitchen door. She and Remus drew their wands and knocked lightly on the living room one before pushing it open. The scene was grim. Harry was standing in the middle of a livid pair, his hands stretched out trying to part them as they spat threats at each other, trying to get a clear view in which to curse their enemy. Remus immediately had his arms clamped around Sirius, pulling him away firmly and Serena gave Severus a long glare.

"six o' clock, Monday, my office, Potter," he growled through gritted teeth, marching past Serena and out into the hall. She called after him but he continued walking towards the door. "Severus!" she snapped, tugging his arm and making him stop. "don't walk away from me!"

He looked at her with a strange unidentified emotion before he shook his head and rubbed her side with his hand. "forgive me, I was thinking..."

She was taken aback by his apology and had somehow forgotten she was supposed to be angry with him. "What was that about?"

"Albus has asked- no ordered- me to teach Potter Occlumency due to his recent involvement with the Dark Lord's mind…"

"ah," she grimaced.

"indeed. There is something else regarding Black's recent behaviour. I think he's-" At that moment Severus let out a low hiss of pain, his muscles tensed and his eyes grew dark.

"Is it Him?" she asked urgently, already summoning Severus' Death Eater cloak from upstairs.

He nodded jerkily as the pain began to subside. She caught his cloak and handed it to him. "His breath was minty" he said to her before pulling out his wand and opening the door. He looked deeply into her eyes, as though searching for something to keep him strong. "I'll be back as soon as I can."

"be careful."

He jerked his head once more and was gone.

She sighed and leaned against the front door, shutting her eyes and letting an image of his face swim to the front of her mind. How she loathed letting him go like that.

Something he had said made her frown and she replayed his final words- "his breath was minty." Well what did that mean? Unless… The pieces in her head suddenly snapped and she hurried back into the living room to find Remus and Sirius. She was embarrassed to find them locked in a burning kiss and she cleared her throat nervously, causing them to spring apart. Sirius cleared his throat as they both unsubtly readjusted their clothing.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "but something Severus just said has… well…" She walked closer to Sirius. "breathe on me" she said, causing them both to raise their eyebrows in a questioning manner. "just do it," she sighed.

He blew gently on her face and she nodded, smiling. "what have you eaten or drank in the past two hours?"

Sirius shrugged, "cheese on toast."

"and to drink?"

He looked uncomfortable and then scowled at her. "look okay, I can drink or eat whatever the hell I want-"

"answer the bloody question, I'm not here to judge you," she ordered, giving his arm a shove.

"a small Firewhiskey," he mumbled.

"anything else at all?" she pressed. "what about mints or breath fresheners?"

He shook his head and she smiled.

"where's the Firewhiskey from?"

He shrugged again and looked guilty. "Diagon Alley."

"From a street seller, right?"

He nodded.

"Remus smell his breath."

Remus looked utterly confused but did as she said. "That's mint," he muttered.

"It is indeed because you've been buying cheap Firewhiskey for mmm… the past three months?"

He nodded and she continued.

"And these street sellers add in an ingredient called Fluxweed to make their products last longer. Fluxweed is an ingredient used in polyjuice potion to change appearances; however it must be picked under certain conditions at certain times of the month. If picked incorrectly it can change not the appearance- but the personality."

Remus' mouth dropped open and Sirius looked as though he were stunned. "I'm… you're saying that I've… said and done things because of… well…" he trailed off and turned to Remus for help.

"because a drink has altered his personality?" Remus finished.

She nodded. "Stay off the Firewhiskey and any other cheap products for a while and you'll be back to the Sirius we all know."

"Serena…" He pulled her into a tight hug and she rubbed soothing circles on his back, aware there were tears of relief threatening to spring from his eyes. "thank you…"

"Don't thank me," she assured. "thank Severus- he's the one who worked it out."

Sirius drew back and pulled a face. "So I owe that bat? Gees…"

Remus chuckled and clapped him on the back. "I'll thank him for you."

He muttered some insult under his breath and Serena pretended not to hear as she left the room and went upstairs to wait for her lover to return.

* * *

**A/N: really short chapter today guys sorry, exams are taking over my life! **


	90. Chapter 89

Serena sat crossed legged on her bed at Grimauld Place marking essays her fifth years had written. Her liking for coffee had returned and empty cups lined the bedside table beside her. She glanced at the time- it was eleven o' clock in the evening and Severus had still not returned. With only two days until Christmas, she has wondered if he would be called away. Her greatest worry was that he would be summoned again on Christmas Day- a time when she wanted to be with him and show him how much he meant to her. She had bought his present from a small wizarding village in France called Artemis. The gift was rare and she had paid a generous amount to the grey haired wizard who had sold it to her.

There was a soft knock on the door, interrupting her thoughts and Remus pushed it open. "no news of him," he said softly, coming in and shutting the door behind him. She shuffled her papers into a pile and put them on the table, tapping the space besides her. Remus clambered on next to her and they shifted so they were both sitting against the wall. She rested her head on his shoulder. "I wish things were different."

"if things were different then you may never have met."

"and I wouldn't miss that for the world," she smiled.

"when was the first time you met?"

"Albus introduced us… I needed someone to help control my powers and Albus said Severus was the man… I think that even then the old man had a card up his sleeve, his eyes were always twinkling."

Remus chuckled, "that sounds like Albus. When Severus was teaching you… did you ever..?"

"no, no… something was growing between us, I don't know whether it was friendship or not, although we kissed a few times…"

"you did?"

She smiled as she remembered, "yes but we both turned a blind eye and told each other it was an accident or heightened emotions or for educational purposes," she laughed. "but by then Kingsley arrived and my attentions were on him..."

"You miss him still?"

"My heart aches for him every day," she said sadly. "but you have to move on… Where is Padfoot anyway?" she said, changing the subject.

"Downstairs throwing out pretty much every liquid we have in case it contains Fluxweed."

"sounds like a good pla-" Serena suddenly gasped in pain, clenching her left hand and pulling it to her chest protectively as her muscles tensed and pain flared inside her.

"Serena, babe what's wrong?" Remus' urgent voice echoed in her ears and she felt his hot hand against her forehead. She took several deep breaths before managing to utter, "my ring…" Tears began to stream down her face as Remus scrambled up from the bed. He waved his wand several times and left the room, leaving her hunched over her hand crying silently. He was less than ten seconds and he came back with a small tub of soothing potion.

"It's for soothing rashes and things but it has murtlap essence in too so it should do your hand good, here." he took her hand gently and submerged it into the ice cold green liquid. Her breaths evened out and the tears stopped as the pain reduced to a throbbing. "th-thank you," she sniffed.

"it's okay," he murmured, rubbing soothing circles on her back, "don't worry."

"I h-hope he's okay," she hiccupped, glancing wistfully towards the door.

"He'll be fine, he'll come back soon," he promised.

They sat in silence for a few minutes until the pain in her hand stopped. She withdrew it from the bowl and dried it with a spell as Remus vanished the bowl and its contents. "sleep," he murmured in her ear, "I'll wake you when he's back."

"no, no what if he's hurt or what if he goes home not here-"

"hush, hush, we'll stay awake then and we'll wait, we'll wait here."

She nodded to herself and rested her head back on Remus' shoulder, snuggling into his side and shutting her eyes. "what if he doesn't come back?" she said in a small muffled voice.

Remus kissed her temple lightly. "he always comes back, remember?"

She nodded again silently and when he looked down moments later she was asleep.

At one in the morning heavy footsteps on the stairs alerted Remus to Severus' presence. Before he had even set foot in the door Remus had already silenced his voice and cast a gentle sleeping charm on Serena to ensure she stayed unconscious. As the door opened, Severus saw Remus and Serena together on the bed and rage and jealousy enveloped his mind. His wand was at Remus' throat in a matter of seconds, but he was surprised to see a wand pointed at him already.

He opened his mouth but Remus shook his head and spoke in a low tone first. "there is a silencing charm on your voice. I can see you are experiencing many emotions and are no doubt highly intoxicated but before you curse me, stop, look around and tell me what I've done wrong." He waved his wand to lift the charm on Snape's voice and watched the man closely.

He was staring straight at Remus breathing deeply through his nose trying to stop his heart from racing. Remus noted blood in his hair and scratches on his face that seemed to be from fingernails. His eyes were dark and dangerous and Remus had summoned his Gryffindor courage to stand up to him. Eventually Severus said in a low gruff voice, "you're sitting on my bed with my wife."

"and?"

"and you're both fully clothed."

Remus nodded and lowered his wand. "do you need medical assistance?"

Severus shook his head, his eyes transfixed on the sleeping girl.

"Go and take a pain potion and a sober up potion and have a shower. Then come back and take care of her." Remus' voice was firm and Severus found himself agreeing.

"don't expect me to lie down for you next time wolf," he growled, scowling at him before walking into the bathroom next door.

When he came back twenty minutes later he looked much more refreshed and Remus sent him an approving nod before leaving the room.

When Serena awoke early the next morning, she was nestled into warm arms and held tightly between them. She listened carefully to the breathing of this person and inhaled Severus' smell deeply. She smiled before opening her eyes.

She was met with the dark penetrating gaze of her wizard- staring at her as though he expected her to hit him. She almost rolled her eyes. "Are you okay?" she asked, sitting up from his lap and turning to face him.

He nodded silently and looked away. She noticed finger scratches on the side of his cheek and Serena gently brushed the back of her hand against them, feeling the shame and self loathing radiating off him.

She turned his face and gently kissed him. "I love you."

He nodded again and looked down as he took her hand and joined their fingers, his thumb brushing across the silver of her ring. He opened his mouth as if to speak before snapping it shut again. She waited patiently as he tried to say what was in his mind and he eventually said in a quiet hoarse voice; "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too," she said quietly. "I wish I could take this away," she murmured, pressing her hand into the centre of his robed chest. "I wish I could take this pain from you forever. I know how much it hurts you every time you have to go away."

"and your pain?" he said in a rough accusing voice. "there is one simple way of getting rid of the pain you suffered last night Serena- finish me! finish this! End this ridiculous pathetic torment-"

She scrambled away from him suddenly feeling terrified as she gazed at him with wide fearful eyes. "this is a torment to you? This… us… isn't what you- what you want-"

"that's not what I said."

"then what did you say?"

"I asked you how you can put up with my pathetic life dragging you down and _physically hurting_ you, fucking hell Serena I feel like my bloody father- I feel like _your_ bloody father. I'm a fucking wife beater, I should be in fucking Azkaban for putting you through this-"

Serena didn't let him finish. In a moment she pushed him on his back, landing on top of him and crushing her mouth to his. She expected him to fight but he attacked her just as she had- kissing her almost brutally as his hands ripped off her shirt and vanished the rest of their clothes. It was fiery, hot and passionate and when they lay side by side, staring at the ceiling and panting together, Severus took her hand and said in a low breathless voice that she only just managed to hear; "I couldn't bare it if you left."


	91. Chapter 90

**Hey everyone :] just wanted to take a moment to say thank you for being patient with me this month. getting weighed down by my life and finding it really difficult to find writing time so i'm afraid it's another short chapter. I think we're on the downhill stretch to the finish line now although there's still loads more to come. i was planning on finishing this story at the end of year six so still quite a while to go. hope you're enjoying it! reviews are greatly appreciated! **

Serena and Severus slept at Spinner's End together on Christmas Eve and Serena was awoken by Severus on Christmas morning just as the first light was breaking through the window.

"morning," he murmured, kissing and teasing her lips softly. "Merry Christmas, my love."

She smiled and opened her eyes. "Merry Christmas."

After a slow bout of love making, Severus dressed Serena in his shirt and they went downstairs together. He made cups of tea for them both and then pulled her onto his knee on the sofa by the fire.

"Present time," he murmured in her ear, taking the chance to nip it lightly as he ran his fingertips across the sensitive skin on the side of her neck.

"I didn't expect anything," she said, surprised. "I didn't think you the present-buying type."

"I didn't buy it," he confessed. "It's a family heir loom that I have…modified…"

"oh?"

He took his wand from the pocket of his black jeans and summoned a small black box from upstairs. He handed it to her, watching her delighted face as she nibbled her bottom lip with excitement.

"can I open it now?"

"Of course," he murmured in a deep voice, kissing her cheek and wrapping his arms around her waist.

She lifted the small lid and drew out a thin silver chain, drawing the cool metal between her fingers. She paused when she came to the clasp- a rectangle of thin silver in which words had been engraved: _Property of Severus Snape_. "it's beautiful," she smiled, a thrill running through her body at being 'his'. _His._

"I'm afraid it's not just an ordinary chain," he explained, fastening the clasp around her neck. "If you are in danger that threatens your life, it will notify me and tell me where to apparate to."

"I thought you had another motive," she teased, turning around and kissing him soundly on the lips. "Thank you, it's perfect. Now it's your turn."

She waved her wand and summoned a large box wrapped in silver paper with a black bow decorating it.

Severus lifted the box to feel the heavy weight inside. "Intrigued?" she teased, almost more excited than he was. She gazed up into his face. His eyes had darkened over and a smile twitched at his lips.

"terribly," he confessed, pulling and undoing the bow in one fluid movement that reflect every graceful move he made. He glanced at her before he lifted the lid. She was playing with her chain with one hand and he couldn't help but rake his eyes over her body. God she looked so damn sexy wearing his clothes- his ring- his chain. _His. _He took a moment to kiss her, forcing her mouth open and entwining his tongue with hers, before pulling back way too quickly just so he could look at her beautiful flushed face again.

She felt his emotions and smiled lovingly before raising her eyebrows. "come on slow coach, open it!"

He chuckled at her impatience and lifted the lid from the box. A silver glow rose up from inside and his mouth dropped open as he looked upon the contents.

"a pensieve," he whispered, his eyes reflecting the silver light. He lifted it gently and used his wand to levitate and rotate it in front of his wide eyes. "however did you come by it?" he murmured, not taking his eyes from the stone carved basin.

"Bit of persuading," she smiled, watching his face closely.

"It must have cost you a fortune…"

"That doesn't matter. I've been saving up."

"Serena it's… thank you so much." His voice dropped to a whisper as he lowered it gently into the box and set it on the coffee table. He turned to her and kissed her tenderly, cupping her face in his large hands as her own entwined behind his head. "I love you," he murmured, pressing his forehead to her own.

"I love you too," she whispered, kissing him again. "and thank you so much for my chain. It's perfect."

He kissed her again and pulled her closer to his chest, tightening his arms around her waist as she nuzzled his neck and rested her cheek on his shoulder. Normally he would have felt uncomfortable with such emotion, but today he did not care. It was a special day and she had stunned him with her present. He kissed her temple as he became absorbed in thoughts of love and desire.

In the afternoon they dressed in muggle clothes and flooed over to Grimauld Place with Serena's huge bag of presents in tow. They were met with festive cheers and Serena was flung into countless hugs that made Severus clench his teeth with jealousy and tip back another glass of Firewhiskey at the back of the kitchen.

She soon returned to his side however, linking her small fingers through his and leaning against his side comfortingly. "here you are!" Molly Weasley exclaimed, rushing over with two big packages. She hugged Serena and even gave Severus a wink and a kiss on the cheek before hurrying off to scold the twins. They raised their eyebrows at the packages and then Serena burst out laughing.

"you know what they are don't you?"

He nodded and grimaced. They looked simultaneously at the crowded kitchen, noting how everyone was wearing matching Weasley jumpers with their initial on the front. They opened them at the same time and Serena couldn't help but giggle at Severus' face as he pulled out his black jumper with the 'S' knitted in a Slytherin green.

"come on, put it on," she teased as he pushed it across the table, glaring.

"not a chance."

She laughed, "for Molly?"

He glared even more.

"for… me?" she teased, pressing the front of her body up against him and moving up and down slightly, rubbing herself against his black sweater and black jeans. "not a chance."

"Didn't think so. It's okay, now I have two."

He harrumphed but helped her put on her own green and purple one, taking a moment to run his hands up and down her arms before he kissed her lips softly. "you look ridiculous," he muttered against her wet lips.

She smiled, "you're supposed to look ridiculous at Christmas. That's what-" she stuttered for a moment but then smiled and carried on, "that's what Kingsley used to say."

He grunted and kissed her again, taking her mind off Kingsley and back to him. They were interrupted however by Sirius and Remus hurrying over with two presents in their hands. Sirius handed his to Serena explaining it was from both of them.

She gasped when she opened it. "guys! This is amazing!" She ran her fingers lightly along the _Echo and the Bunnymen _vinyl. She hugged them both and then raised her eyebrows when Remus passed Severus a present. He looked suspicious before taking it and opening it. It was a bottle of Firewhiskey that Severus was impressed with. "If you've poisoned this Remus I'll cut your balls off," he threatened, uncomfortable with thanking them.

"Wouldn't expect anything less," Remus smirked, holding out his hand and shaking Severus' firmly. They all swapped presents and drank Firewhiskey for the afternoon, although Serena insisted on drinking butterbeer as she did not want to risk an alcoholic drink. At nine o clock they said their goodbyes and went back to Spinner's End where Severus made love to Serena in front of the fire, over and over again, watching the words _Property of Severus Snape_ glisten as he rocked into her.


	92. Chapter 91

"Shall I make us some dinner Sev?" Serena asked, strolling into the living room where Severus was poured over his new pensieve.

"as long as it's not another bloody turkey sandwich," he muttered without looking up.

She smiled and let her eyes linger of his look of concentration for a moment before walking back into the kitchen. It was the day after boxing day and Serena had spent the morning in Diagon Alley buying new robes. Severus had spent all day writing in his diary and making adjustments to previous entries as the pensieve made the memories clearer for him.

She threw a lasagne in the oven and ventured to sit by him, kissing his robe and then his cheek softly. "you'll get a bad neck sitting like that all day."

"mm…" he noted something down and then shut the book, sending it back to its secure hiding place. He then replaced the pensieve in a space he had cleared on the main bookshelf.

"Forgive me for being so distracted." he murmured, pulling her closer into his side and stroking her hair. "your shopping trip was successful?"

She nodded, "got tons of stuff in the sale… some things from Limbert's Lingerie Lounge too…"

Severus stiffened suddenly and she wondered if she had said something wrong. He stood up and pulled her with him. "the apparition awards have gone off, there is someone in the back yard." he spoke quickly as he thought a plan. "wait upstairs. reset the usual silencing charms and ward the door. If you hear me call it is safe to come down. If you do not hear my call- yet there are footsteps- disapparate immediately- go!"

She ran up the stairs as Severus quickly vanished her glass and sent her belongings upstairs after her. He then straightened his shirt collar and opened the back door a crack.

"What was the password that you kept forgetting in our second year at Hogwarts?" he asked, his wand held ready in his hand.

"Elizabeth Burke," she smiled, "I never could stand that bloody portrait, always telling me to be nasty to mudbloods."

He cast a tight smile and opened the door. "Narcissa, to what do I owe this pleasure?" He stepped aside for the blond witch and she hurried into the kitchen.

"you will think me silly when I tell you Severus. It's just that after that disgusting revel before Christmas I… well I just wanted to ensure you were alright…"

"I hope I have answered your question. Tea?"

"Please, and you know very well you haven't," she scolded, taking off her leather gloves and travelling cloak.

"I imagine Lucius does not know you are here?"

"he thinks I am visiting my Aunt Sandra."

"foolish man."

"foolish to trust me?"

"He loves you," he muttered. "I meant foolish to let you out of his sight."

She smiled and watched her friend closely. "You speak as though you know what love is Severus: as though there is someone who you wouldn't let out of _your_ sight."

"don't be ridiculous Narcissa. Like I have time to have a bloody woman in my life."

"It smells feminine in here," she teased, taking a careful look around the kitchen.

"I had a hooker for Christmas, bloody expensive too, although worth it if I may say so."

"you are the best spy on this Earth and yet I can tell you are so blatantly lying to me," she smirked.

Severus paused. He wanted more than anything to have someone to talk to about his relationship with Serena. Someone he trusted, someone he knew would never betray him.

"how is your occlumency these days, Cissy?"

"I was taught by the best," she reminded him.

"then prepare yourself- legilimens!"

Severus tried fiercely to get into her mind but she kept blocking him at every turn, as though she knew what his next move would be. He tried for a full five minutes and only broke through after she lost her mental stamina. She leant against the kitchen surface trying to regain her breath back whilst Severus decided on his answer.

"I am satisfied that no one would be able to access your mind by force."

"wonderful," she muttered distastefully, rubbing her temples.

"I have an interest," he allowed.

She smiled widely. "Oh I'm so happy for you Severus! Is it the young girl we have discussed previously? The Pureblood? The one that appeared in the paper?"

He jerked his head in the affirmative.

"Oh and she was so pretty! However did you manage that? I imagine she returns your… interest?"

He nodded once more and then cleared his throat, gesturing to the sofa in the living room. They sat down together and began his story.

"Her name was Serena Lake. She is a teacher at Hogwarts, she started two and a half years ago. She was married to Kingsley Shacklebolt until your sister killed him and then… and then we fell in love with each other." He turned with a hard, defiant look to Narcissa as though expecting her to interrupt or comment but she was silent, completely absorbed in his confession. "We both denied it for eight months until it became too much and then, well we started courting I suppose and we're still together now. I love this woman, Narcissa. She is everything to me."

Narcissa blinked a few times to clear her tearful eyes and then she squeezed his hand tightly. "oh Severus, that sounds like the most beautiful relationship I have known. I can tell you love her with all your heart."

"I live for her," he said quietly, looking into the fire.

"You said her name _was_ Serena Lake… why _was?_"

"As of last summer, she is Serena Snape."

"Oh how happy I am for you!" she exclaimed, beaming at him brightly. "I am so sorry circumstances prevented me from being there. I see your ring now," she added, running a perfectly manicured finger over his silver band. "When do I get to meet her?"

"I would be honoured if you would meet her now. She is upstairs."

"The honour would be mine."

Severus walked to the foot of the stairs. "Serena?"

Serena heard his voice and tiptoed onto the landing, peering over cautiously with her wand in her hand.

"Would you come down? There is someone I would like you to meet."

Serena frowned, "um…"

"It's okay, she is a friend of mine. I trust her. I have told her about us."

Serena walked slowly down the stairs, her wand out in front of her until she reached Severus and saw the older blond lady smiling at her.

"Serena, this is Narcissa Malfoy."

Serena did not move. Instead she slowly turned her head to look into Severus' eyes. Lowering her occlumency defences and bringing the image of the Dark Mark to her mind.

"Narcissa is loyal to her husband, not to the Dark Lord," he said in a quiet voice, answering her unspoken question.

"Is that not the same thing?" Serena said in a wary voice, taking a step closer to Severus and directing her question at Narcissa now.

"I would die rather than betray Severus' trust," the older witch said simply.

Serena watched her for a moment and then nodded, relaxing slightly. "Forgive me, Mrs Malfoy, I am not used to meeting Death Eaters that don't try to kill me, although I am grateful you look nothing like your sister. Severus speaks very highly of you, and if he trusts you then that's good enough for me."

Narcissa smiled widely. "Call me Narcissa my dear. It's not every day I meet somebody who has successfully tied the Grim Reaper here down, never mind make him fall in love."

Serena smirked at his nickname and then glanced up at his face, surprised he had discussed his feelings with another person so openly. The glare that had been directed at Narcissa softened when he looked down at her and he slipped his hand into hers.

"Come, you must tell me everything," Narcissa said to Serena warmly. They sat on the sofa together and Severus sat on his arm chair watching them closely. He thought it would do Serena good to have an older witch in her life, especially someone in a similar position to her.

Narcissa left after half an hour and after walking her to the door Severus moved back into the living room.

"what did you think?"

Serena looked into the fire and shrugged nonchalantly before muttering in a plain voice, "she's nice."

He frowned and moved closer. "what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong, why would anything be wrong?" she answered in a false voice, before lowering her tone slightly; "It's not like you brought a Death Eater into our home. It's not like she said she'd die for you. It's not like she knows more about you than I do. It's not like she's so obviously still in love with you-"

"you're being bloody ridiculous," he snapped angrily.

"no Severus I'm not!" she exclaimed, finally looking at him. There were tears in her eyes and she was biting her bottom lip furiously. "You're the one who's being blind and naïve. She is clearly what you want, you just haven't realised it yet."

"stop being-"

"maybe you made the wrong decision-"

"she is not what I want!" he hissed, clenching his fists and glaring at her.

"Of course she fucking is! You taught her occlumency! You grew up together! You were both dumped in the same fucking boat! She's got all that fucking blond hair-"

"what the fuck has that got to do with anything? You've got fucking blond hair-"

"My hair is short!" she shouted, tugging at it, her voice climbing higher and more desperate. "I don't like long hair! And mine isn't that blond! And she has it all fancy! And mine's just rubbish and knotty and-" she let out a hiccup as tears began to stream down her face.

"what the bloody hell are you talking about?" he intervened as she began to cry.

"oh fuck off!" she shouted. "you know very well what I'm fucking talking about!" She jumped up from the sofa and stepped to the fire, grabbing some floo powder. "I need some time to think, don't bother coming after me." She didn't wait for a reply.


	93. Chapter 92

Severus was sitting in his study, holding his third glass of Firewhiskey and gazing at the same spot on the carpet he had been looking at for two hours.

Four times he had stood up from his chair, intent on seeking her out, only to slump back down again and resume staring. The first time he relayed the conversation over in his head he had been adamant he was in the right. He genuinely could not see why she was so upset, and what was she on about- talking about hair? He knew she had blond hair- there was nothing wrong with her hair- he often stroked it and smelt it and he was sure she knew this.

I mean, okay, maybe he should have checked with her before telling Narcissa, but he was the man in this relationship and Narcissa was his friend and so it should have been his decision. They seemed to get on very well anyway, although Narcissa insisted on telling Serena some of their more embarrassing childhood stories, such as when he dyed his hair grey accidently, but as he remembered, Serena laughed at that tale.

At that moment he heard the floo activate in the other room.

"Severus!" Serena's frantic shout brought him out of his thoughts. "Severus!" He heard her footsteps race upstairs and move about the upstairs rooms before racing back down again and trying the kitchen. "Severus please! I'm sorry!"

She burst into his study and stopped when she saw him sitting their. Her face crumpled and the tears that were already streaming down her cheeks glistened. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, "Please, I'll share I promise-"

He vanished his drink and moved to her swiftly, pulling his arms around the crying girl and holding her to him tightly. He had never seen anyone cry over him. She was crying because she loved him, she was begging him not to leave her and he was stunned.

"I'll share with her, I'm sorry" she pleaded, her voice muffled by the folds of his shirt.

"don't be a dunderhead," he murmured, rocking her back and forth slightly. "There's only you Serena. I don't love Narcissa, I don't even _like_ her in a romantic way."

"I'm sorry," she sniffed, wiping her eyes on his sleeve.

"I know, it's okay, hush my little one." He guided her over to his chair in which he sat down, pulling her into his lap. "tell me what's wrong."

"I don't… I don't know I just felt really… It's stupid, it doesn't matter-"

"tell me," he encouraged firmly, putting a finger under her chin and forcing her eyes to meet his. He showed her with a gaze that he was not angry- he just wanted to understand.

"I felt small," she shrugged, looking away from his penetrating gaze. "I felt like a child when adults are talking. She's there telling me all about childhood stories and times you spent together and what you got up to, when I know nothing about your childhood! I just felt as though she would be so much better suited to you. She knows you inside out. She trusts you and you obviously trust her. She's pretty, she's your age, she's got all that blond hair and-"

"wait, wait," he interrupted. "why do you keep going on about hair?"

"Because Narcissa's hair is all elegant and shiny and mine is so short and rubbish it could belong to a student."

"I am very partial to your hair," he murmured, running his hands through it and smelling the berry smell. "I enjoy nothing more than sitting by the fire with you on my knee whilst I stroke your hair."

She rubbed her cheek against his shoulder and shut her eyes. "I've been foolish."

"yes," he murmured, kissing the top of her head and tightening his arms around her. "If you really want to know more about my childhood then I will tell you."

"No, no," she said hurriedly. "I was just being stupid. I don't talk about my childhood either. I don't care about the past anyway, I just care about now. I guess it was just overwhelming and a bit… frightening I suppose, to have a real death eater standing there. Especially when I know who her sister is, and what her sister has done to my life..."

"of course, that is understandable."

"how can two people who have been brought up in exactly the same way be so completely different?"

"How can two disgusting murderers bring such a pure and beautiful girl into the world?"

Serena lifted her head and looked at him with a gleam in her eyes. He smiled slightly and then leant in and nudged his lips against hers. She kissed him softly, gazing into his eyes and rubbing her hand across the stubble of his chin. "I love you, and I'm sorry I doubted you…"

"I perhaps should have forewarned you," he allowed, unable to stay stubborn whilst she was gazing at him with her warm brown eyes.

"It doesn't matter now," she whispered, nestling into his side and kissing his pulse point sweetly.

He stroked her hair softly for long moments before a thought reawakened in his mind.

"Didn't you say something about… Limbert's Lingerie Lounge...?"

Serena laughed and nodded. "I believe I did. How about you come upstairs and I'll give you a private screening?"

"you dirty wrench," he smirked as she slid from his lap and led him by the hand to the stairs.

"that's no way to talk to your wife Mr Snape," she exclaimed, standing on the bottom step and kissing him firmly, pulling on his collar to draw him closer to her. She felt his hands move below her t shirt and she hummed in contentment when his cool hands made contact with her warm skin, moving her mouth to his neck and nipping lightly.

"It is not proper behaviour to tease your husband, Mrs Snape," he murmured in a deep sensual voice, his lips just touching the shell of her ear. "now get to my room before I lose patience and take you on this bloody stairs."

She laughed quietly against his skin, before taking his hand and pulling him after her, giggling when he smacked her thigh with the back of his hand.


	94. Chapter 93

"A BABY?"

"no a bloody monkey," Sirius muttered, an amused gleam in his eyes. "yes of course a baby, you idiot."

Remus laughed as she flung her arms around both their necks, hugging them tightly.

"congratulations!" she said, her face stretched into a huge smile. "I'm so happy for you guys!"

"To be honest we thought we'd have no bloody chance, that's why we didn't tell anyone sooner, we wanted to make sure it was all processing right and that the mother was happy to have her child brought up in…well in this environment…"

"So when do you get him or her?"

"In three weeks," Remus smiled, linking his fingers through Sirius'. "and they're almost one hundred percent positive it's a little girl."

"Gosh that's quick! I mean, when we discussed this last year we thought it'd take forever. Got any names yet?"

"we've thought of a few," Remus allowed. "Lenore… Jessica… Isabel…"

"I'm sure that when you see her little face you'll know exactly what to call her. And what surname is she taking?"

"We decided on Lupin-Black," Sirius scowled, because otherwise Black sounds like an adjective."

"true." she laughed. "this is so exciting, isn't it Severus?" She turned to see Severus standing at the back of the room, his arms crossed as he glared at them and looked uncomfortable. He merely grunted in response and Serena rolled her eyes before turning back to the others, although she couldn't help the slight niggling feeling in her chest at his response to hearing about babies. But what did she expect? She couldn't see Severus as the 'baby type'; however she always hoped… maybe after the war... that they could have a proper family together.

She pushed those thoughts to the back of her head as she crooned over scan images and talks of a pink and yellow room being decorated upstairs.

The new term had flown by and February and March had quickly been and gone without incident. Serena and Severus had dropped into Grimauld Place at Remus' request so they could both be told of the adoption news.

At half past five, Severus pulled Serena away from the others, a scowl on his face. "I have to go," he muttered, "I have an occlumency lesson with the idiot Potter boy."

"How are things going now?" She asked quietly.

He snorted, "the boy is pathetic. I swear he revels in the attention these visions attract, strutting all over the bloody castle with that fucking scar on his empty head, just like his father, the arrogant prick-"

"woah woah," she held up her hands in surrender to stop his rant. "stop being so harsh on the boy," she scolded. "how do you think it feels being in his position?"

Severus glared and made to move past her but she caught his hand, knowing it was pointless to argue with him about the matter. "Just send me a patronus or something when you're done and I'll make us some tea and maybe open a nice bottle of wine?"

He grunted again but kissed her softly before moving swiftly towards door, shooting another disgusted look at the baby clothes Sirius had brought down.

At half past eight, Serena had still not received a patronus and she apparated with a sigh to the Hogwarts Gates. She pulled her cloak about her in the cool spring air and hurried up the driveway, keeping a strict eye out for any sign of Umbridge or her gang of loyal Slytherins. She disillusioned herself as she slipped down to the dungeons and knocked on the door. There was no answer but she sensed he was in there.

She knew his wards by now and it took her less than five minutes to dismantle them and she opened the door cautiously. The room was cast in heavy darkness and she lit the oil lamp by the door with a single thought in her mind. As she stepped into the dungeon, glass crunched beneath her feet and she saw remnants of potions jars and their contents splattered across the floor.

A movement in the corner of her eye startled her. "Severus?"

"The door was locked for a reason," his voice drifted from the shadows.

She saw the faint silhouette of his face from a light she realised was from his pensieve. "What's the matter? Is everything okay?"

"Does it look like everything is okay?" he said in a slow, dark voice.

She took a few steps forward, crunching on more glass as she placed the lamp on a shelf and lit a few more with her mind. Once her eyes had adjusted, she let them fall upon Severus. He was sitting in his chair behind his desk with an empty bottle of Firewhiskey in his hand. The pensieve sat directly in front of him, emitting a faint sheen of silver light that under lit his face. Serena shivered.

"Severus, what's the matter?"

He snorted and took a swig from his bottle before realising it was empty and pulling another from his top draw.

"I don't think you should be drinking that-" she said quickly, stepping forward, her hand outstretched. He turned the wand that had been prodding the pensieve on her and she stopped, putting her hands up in the air and watching him closely.

"Where's Harry?"

His head snapped upwards and the look of pure hatred almost frightened Serena.

"That… _Boy_-" he spat, "has gone."

"Gone where?"

"How the fuck should I fucking know? And why would I give a fuck? He can jump off the fucking astronomy tower for all I care-"

"Severus, I know you hate his Father and I understand that but-"

"oh no, no, no," he shook his head and pulled himself unsteadily to his feet, approaching her around the desk, his wand still pointing at her. "no, no, you see what I feel towards his _Father_, is indescribable- hate? no that doesn't cover it. And his _son?_ If I hadn't made a vow and a promise I would fucking kill him myself-"

"Severus! He is a boy! A student! You can't-"

"I can do whatever the fuck I want!" he shouted. "Do you want to know what the little fucker did? Do you?"

He was waiting for an answer and Serena gave a slight nod, watching his black eyes carefully.

"_He looked in my pensieve," _he hissed, his eyes widening and fists clenching until she could see the white in his knuckles.

"Oh shit," Serena whispered, rubbing the bridge of her nose and thinking rapidly. "shit, shit, was it us? Did he see- were we..?" She looked at Severus for an answer but his face was stone.

"It wasn't you," he said in a dark voice.

"It… then…" Serena's shoulders slumped as the answer clicked in her brain and she nodded to herself before forcing herself to look at his dark eyes that glittered dangerously.

"It was her."

"Her name is Lily!" he said sharply, slamming his bottle on the table and making her jump.

Serena pushed away the tightening sensation in her chest and brought the facts of the situation to the front of her mind.

"God the stupid boy," she whispered, running her fingers through her hair. "what the bloody hell was he thinking looking in your fucking pensieve? And where were you anyway?"

"Fucking Umbridge needed me. Something about a fucking Niffler or fuck all."

"So what did he see- can he use it against you or- I mean, I'm sure he wouldn't-"

"He's not going to breathe a fucking word to anybody," he hissed. "I made sure of that."

"Wh- what did you do?" she asked cautiously, looking around at the destroyed office as though searching for a body.

"Scared him fucking shitless, he's not coming back here again I fucking promise it."

"Wait- wait- _you_ _cancelled his lessons?" _

Severus' eyes narrowed. "Of course I fucking did, I'm not teaching that boy shit-"

"you've stopped helping him fight The Dark Lord?"

"He wasn't learning anything the arrogant-"

"Severus!" she snapped, grabbing her wand and casting _lumos_ so he could see her angry face clearer. "occlumency was the only thing helping him put this barrier between him and mortal danger- you can't stop giving him that protection just because he saw some fucking romance between-"

"romance? You think that's what it was?" he laughed a cold, humourless laugh that made Goosebumps appear on her skin. "You have no idea-"

"either way, whatever it was- you can't stop helping him because of your problems-"

"I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT!" he roared suddenly, pointing his wand directly between her eyes.

Serena didn't even flinch. "no you can't," she said quietly. "you have to get over your past, get over her-"

"how fucking dare you-"

"You know I'm right! I thought you'd moved past her!"

"are you jealous again? Is that what this is-"

"JEALOUS?" she half laughed half shouted. "ha! Jealous of a woman who has been dead for fifteen years? Jealous of-"

Severus advanced on her threateningly, making her move back until he had her pressed against the wall by the door, his wand at her throat. "you think I've been looking at fucking happy memories of how lovely and sweet everything was?" he growled in her ear. "I am TORMENTED every day by that man's son. EVERY FUCKING MINUTE. and he comes in here and looks into my pensieve and yet you still take his side?" He shook his head and she turned hers to the side to lessen the stench of alcohol.

"I am not taking anyone's side Severus, you just need learn to move on-"

"move on?" he said in a dangerously low voice. "move on? fucking hell you hypocrite! I was content you know! Content with loving her! Content with living my life for her! with sacrificing everything! EVERYTHING! and then you came along, didn't you? AND FUCKED MY LIFE UP. GOD SOMETIMES I WISH-"

He paused but Serena shoved him hard away from her, her eyes ablaze with fire and her hair wild as she turned her wand on him. "SAY IT!" she screamed. "SAY IT SEVERUS! THAT YOU WISH I HADN'T BEEN BORN THAT-"

"NO!" he growled, his hands trembling with an anger she had not seen before. "THAT I WISH I HADN'T MET YOU! THAT I WISH I WASN'T SO FUCKING WEAK! THAT I WISH I WASN'T IN FUCKING LOVE WITH YOU-"

"THEN FUCKING GET OUT OF IT!" she screamed, marching towards the door and pulling it open. She was half way out when Severus grabbed her arm and he pushed her into the stone wall of the corridor, causing her to gasp in pain. With a wave of his wand silencing charms activated in the darkness around them.

"you know it's not that simple," he growled, his fingers pressing around her throat. "you are my wife, Serena, my wife! And you will stand by whatever fucking decision I deicide-"

"not if it's the fucking wrong one!" she spat, trying to push him away from her. "You think you're doing right? You think she'll love you if you abuse her son this way?"

"IT'S NOT FOR HER ANYMORE!" he roared in her ear, his fingers tightening around her throat. "IT'S FOR THE FUCKING LIGHT! BECAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO! BECAUSE I NEED A WAY TO ATONE FOR MY SINS!"

"AND YOU THINK THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY TO DO THAT?" she choked, although her hands had long ago stopped fighting him.

"IT IS THE ONLY WAY! AT LEAST NOW I DON'T HAVE TO GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THAT FUCKING BOY! SOMETIMES I THINK ABOUT KILLING HIM MYSELF-"

A shout that neither of them had made, caused them to both spring apart and turn their wands on another figure. "Enough!" Albus shouted as he swept down the dungeon corridor towards them. His silver cloak blew out behind him and his angry flashing eyes were upon them in a moment.

"my office the both of you," he ordered, glaring at Severus with a ferociousness Serena rarely saw.

Severus snorted and crossed his arms. "I'm not a student any more Albus. I'm going out. Don't bother looking for me." He pushed past the older man and strode down the corridor without looking back.

"wait, Severus!" Serena ran after him, pulling his arm but he wrenched it from her and backed her against the wall again, ignoring Albus' wand that had been suddenly trained on him.

"if you can't respect my fucking decisions then I don't want to be around you," he growled into her ear.

"Severus-" Serena cursed herself as her voice became weak and pleading and tears sprung in her eyes. "you can't just-"

"yes I can," he spat, turning away from her and striding into the darkness once more.


	95. Chapter 94

Serena's knees weakened and she slumped down the wall to the floor, hugging her legs and crying. The sound of his heavy footsteps had long gone and she felt abandoned. Yes they had rowed, yes he had been angry, but he had rarely walked away from an argument like this before. Usually it was she who let such emotions overwhelm her and he who kept a calm and logical head.

But he had left.

She massaged the soreness around her throat where he had grabbed her. She had not felt fear at all, and the only fear she felt now was fear of him being gone. 'I don't want to be around you', he'd said.

A sob from deep within Serena escaped and she squeezed her eyes tightly shut until she felt a hand on her shoulder.

She wished it was him. She thought perhaps she had missed the sound of his footsteps returning, had failed to sense his being, but as she opened her eyes to meet Albus' bright blue orbs her hope died.

"my office," he said in a voice more stern than compassionate.

"Albus…" Serena looked up at him desperately. All she wanted to do was to go to bed and wait for Severus.

"now." His reply was grim and he stood and began walking up the dark corridor. She brushed away her tears impatiently and scrambled to her feet, shutting and warding Severus' office door before hurrying after Albus. She caught up with him as he was ascending the main hall stairs.

"Albus, I'm sorry, I know I promised-"

"we will discuss this in the privacy of my office, Serena."

His voice held closure and authority and she did not dare speak another word. Tears pricked at her eyes again to hear such harshness from the man she loved like a Father.

"hem hem."

Albus sighed and turned around to face the pink face of Dolores Umbridge who had obviously run in her fluffy pink slippers from her quarters just to try and catch _someone_ doing something they should not.

"ah, Dolores, might I enquire as to why you are wandering the hallways at this time of night?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing, Albus," she retorted in her sickeningly sweet voice whilst eyeing Serena's red eyes suspiciously.

"Ah, well Serena and I have a secret hobby," Albus smiled. "We both confess to taking a great interest in the mating habits of the Oriental Grey Owl, you see, and Hagrid informed us that he had spotted one building it's nest in the forbidden forest, we really were intrigued!"

"hm." was the reply.

Albus smiled, "well if you will excuse us, we've got some notes to write up…"

Serena nodded politely and they left her standing with a scowl on her face on her own in the dark.

They reached Albus' office in silence and he shut the door behind them and pointed at a seat for her whilst he rooted in one of the wooden cabinets at the back. He eventually came and pulled a chair up close to her before unscrewing the lid of what appeared to be bruise paste.

"Your neck is starting to bruise."

She felt gingerly along her neck and winced, although she hadn't felt pain when Severus had squeezed her there.

"take some." It was an order and she dipped her fingers in the brown murky paste and rubbed some gently on her skin. When she was finished, Albus sent the pot back into the cabinet and turned to her gravely. "this relationship was not what I previously thought. If he _hurts_ you Serena-"

"Severus would never hurt me!" she exclaimed suddenly, genuinely shocked by Albus' train of thought.

"Serena," his voice was firm and he leaned forward so his face was less than a foot from hers and she could see every line around his piercing blue eyes. "I know you are scared. I know it is difficult to admit and that you want to protect him, but I have just seen him close his hand around your throat-"

"he was upset-"

"you are making excuses-"

"no Albus I am not! Severus loves me! Severus has seen me in enough pain and it kills him each time he remembers it. He would never hurt me intentionally."

"your neck is red."

"You think I didn't hit out at him too? That was a fight, he was angry, I didn't feel scared, I didn't feel pain, I felt him- Severus- the man I love, the man who protects me against pain, not causes it. I appreciate your concern but you have to trust my judgement Albus."

Albus looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and then nodded. "I will be watching your relationship more closely and I will be having words with Severus when he returns."

Serena gave a non committal jerk of the head and sighed. "I hope he's okay…"

"Might I ask as to what reason you were arguing?"

She shrugged, "I'm not sure it's my place to say Albus, forgive me."

"not at all my dear, I understand. Although I would like to take this moment to warn you, for the second time, that duelling and fighting between members of staff is not tolerated in public areas of this school."

"oh Albus I'm sorry, I remember promising you it would never happen again last year and then it did… at least no students saw us this time…"

"hmm. nor Dolores Umbridge."

"thank Merlin."

"Indeed. Now might I escort you back to your chambers, my child?"

"no thank you Albus, I think I might sleep out tonight…"

"it is cold outside, are you sure that is wise?"

"I'll conjure some fire or something. Goodnight Albus."

"Serena."

She hurried out of his office and down the steps, transfiguring a handkerchief into a large blanket as she walked. She wrapped it around her and steppes into the chilly night. She continued until she found a tree near the gates, an ideal place to look out for Severus. She conjured a small fire and settled against the trunk, shutting her eyes and breathing in the crisp fresh air.

She awoke with sun rise the following morning and hurried back to the dungeons to check for Severus' arrival. He was not there. She rushed back to her office for a shower and change of robes before heading for an early breakfast. Albus was there and she crossed the hall to ask him if he'd heard news. He had not.

"but does he not have classes today?" she asked. "surely he wouldn't miss them?"

"It appears he is, my dear child."

She sighed and pushed her omelette around the plate again. "I'll take his classes too then, his timetable should fit okay around mine I guess."

"That is very kind of you," he bowed. "When he returns I will ensure he knows how much trouble he has caused."

Serena sighed and shook her head. "It was not his fault he was angry."

"Do not blame yourself for what I am sure was-"

"I do not blame myself," she said quietly. "look I must go, forgive me, Albus." She bowed her head and left the room quickly, lest her occlumency skills should fail against his penetrating gaze.

She had half an hour until classes started and she hurried down the great drive as quickly as possible. As soon as she was across the boundary, she apparated to Spinner's End. Her haste had made her dizzy and it took her a moment to realise she was in the living room. "Severus?" she called gingerly.

She walked in and out of each room cautiously and then paused outside the basement door. She drew her wand before walking down the narrow staircase to his potions laboratory. It was pitch black when she got to the bottom, the only light emitting from a few fireflies in a glass jar on a work bench. She conjured small balls of fire and lit her wand. She walked past the few pristine workbenches and looked down each aisle of ingredients, including opening his small cupboard of the most expensive items he had. He was not there, nor was there any sign to suggest he had been back there at all.

She sat down on a stool and took a deep breath, forcing herself to think logically and calmly. Severus was angry and upset. He had stayed out all night, no doubt in bars or back street pubs. But where had he slept? Somehow she could not see him on a park bench somewhere. As far as she knew, this was the only house he owned, although now she thought about it he probably had a hideaway somewhere else in the country- he was a spy after all.

She glanced at the fireplace and had a sudden thought, stepping into the green flames and throwing powder into the air. "Grimauld Place!"

"Serena!" Sirius exclaimed, jumping up from eating his breakfast and hugging her spluttering and coughing form.

"here-" he waved his wand and the ash disappeared from her. "thanks," she muttered through watering eyes. "Forgot to shut my eyes."

He laughed and gestured to a seat but she shook her head. "I can't stop I have classes, I just wanted to ask a quick question." She was glad he was the only one in the kitchen as she felt her cheeks start to burn red. "I don't suppose Severus is here?"

"Snape? No, why?"

"You're completely sure? Could you just check our room for me?"

"I'll ask Rem' to." He sent a quick patronus upstairs and then shot her a curious glance. "is everything okay?"

She forced a smile. "of course, he was out late last night with a friend and I can't remember if he said he'd sleep here or in Spinner's End. He didn't want to risk being caught intoxicated by Dolores Umbridge."

"wise," Sirius smiled.

"Morning Serena," a cheerful voice greeted her. Remus stood in jeans and a white t shirt with wet dripping hair smiling at her. He strode over and gave her a hug, squeezing her tight and then looking into her eyes. "he's not upstairs… is everything okay? "

"It's fine," she smiled. "he'll be at Spinner's then, no problem. Right, bye!" She had stepped back into the floo before they could stop her.

"Parkinson, pay attention! If you add those lacewing flies without lowering the heat first the entire thing will blow up in your pretty little face. Now stop being an idiot and read the bloody instructions!"

Serena huffed and slumped back down into Severus' chair, glaring out over her class of Slytherins. It was, thankfully, her last class of a jam-packed day. She had taught two of her own classes and three of Severus' and was completely exhausted. Not only was she stopping people injuring themselves, but she also had to deal with worried glances from Potter. He seemed to know she knew about his and Snape's colossal argument and he kept looking at her as though she would explain where Severus was.

At the end of the class she held him back. "Potter, what is on your mind?"

"Nothing Professor," he said in his practised 'innocent' voice.

She sighed. "Harry, please sit down. For this conversation I am no longer your teacher, I am a friend. We spend enough time at Grimmauld Place in the summer as it is."

He sat awkwardly and nodded his understanding, looking at his clenched hands as she spoke.

"I know about what happened between you and Severus last night. I would like it if you would explain to me how those events unfolded."

"I didn't mean to look- I just- it was sitting _right there_ on the desk and-" he shrugged. "I am sorry if I have caused you problems, Prof- Serena."

She grimaced. "What did you see Harry?"

His eyes darted up to hers suddenly and she shook her head, suddenly feeling ashamed. "don't answer that. Listen, I understand Severus has finished your lessons-"

"I haven't told anyone."

"The both of us are very grateful for that fact, however I am sure a time will come when it will be revealed. For now I want to encourage you to practise in your own time as much as you can. It really is terribly important Harry, understand me?"

He nodded.

"okay, I'll be checking on you every fortnight and I want to see you've been practising."

She stood up and he followed suit, taking it as his sign to leave. "Where is Snape, Serena?"

"He's away on business for the Order," she lied briskly. "now get back to the common room before your friends come looking for you."


	96. Chapter 95

Late that evening, Serena sat alone at the table in Grimmauld Place with a glass of wine on the table before her.

"Should you be drinking that?" Remus said softly, walking up behind her and putting a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"It's just the one," she replied quietly, swirling the liquid around the glass and watching the faint light in the room reflect off the surface.

Remus ran his hand through her hair softly and she shut her eyes at his touch. They stayed like that for long moments until Remus broke the silence with a gentle coax;

"are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

She sighed and put her head in her hands, marvelled as always by Remus' perception. "I'm just tired, Remus, this year is stressful for everyone."

She stood up and turned to the kitchen but Remus stepped in front of her, raising his eyebrows in a way to show his disbelief. She looked at the floor, a pained look on her face until she felt hands on her shoulder, gently pulling her into a hug. She accepted his embrace, resting her head against his chest as his warm arms enveloped her, making her feel loved and safe again- a feeling that she had missed, despite the fact Severus had hugged her only thirty-odd hours ago.

Remus held the young girl and rested his chin on her head lightly, running his hands up and down her back comfortingly. "it's okay," he murmured. "you can tell me anything."

She rubbed her cheek against his woollen jumper and shut her eyes again. "It's Severus," she murmured quietly. "We argued yesterday evening, he walked out and I have not heard or seen him since."

He listened closely to the dullness of her voice, with all the worry and fear laced behind it and held her tightly in his arms.

"you have checked everywhere?"

"yes."

"that is why you were here this morning?"

"yes."

Remus sighed and stepped back from her, letting her see his reassuring face. "He will come back Serena, he loves you, he is your husband, it is just an argument, he will get over it."

"he said-" Serena took a deep breath and forced herself to relive the moment. "he said he didn't want to be around me if I wouldn't take his side. He said that I was his wife and my duty was to agree with him."

"What were you arguing about?"

She shrugged, "Just a difference in opinion I guess. I can't really go into it Remus, I'm sorry…"

"Do not apologise, my sweet, I totally understand."

"It's just that if I think he's wrong I'm not going to agree just because he is my husband! He should know that I am independent, I am my own person, I have my own thoughts and beliefs that are worlds different from his own. I mean, yes, I rely on him for many things, probably too much, but… he didn't have to walk out… he didn't have to leave me…"

"He did not leave you," Remus said firmly, taking her hands in his and looking closely in her eyes. "He would not leave you Serena, he loves you."

"Then where is he?" she asked desperately. "why isn't he here with me? What if he's lying in fucking knockturn alley somewhere? Injured or- or- dead or-"

"now you're being ridiculous," he murmured. "This is Severus, spy for the Order, spy for the Dark Lord- he is safe on both sides-"

"That doesn't mean he has no enemies!"

"No," he allowed, "it does not, but really- do you think Severus is the type to let someone sneak up on him?"

She sighed and shook her head. Remus gave a reassuring smile and pulled her into a hug again.

"do you want to sleep here tonight?"

"no, I must go to his office, if he returns he will go there."

"If there is any news I shall inform you immediately."

"thank you Remus…"

"don't worry my sweet, I'll always be here."

He embraced her once more and then showed her to the door, watching as she apparated away with a sad smile.

* * *

"fuck off," Serena muttered, reaching out and blasting Severus' alarm clock with her wand. It was half past six in the morning and Serena lay in Severus' bed, gazing up at the stone ceiling. She guessed she had slept for two hours. She yawned and rolled over, the empty bed making her sit up suddenly as she remembered he was not here: he had not returned for a second night.

She jumped up and checked all the other rooms for any sign of him, before stepping defeated into the shower.

Her second lesson of the day was her own subject and she set the second years casting simple engorgio/reducio charms whilst she sat behind her desk and idly folded paper into swan shapes. With half an hour until the end a sudden bang made her stand up and the classroom door was flung open. Severus strode down the aisle, his black robes flying out behind him, his dragon hide boots echoing off the floor, a glare fixed on his face and his eyes boring into hers. Her class fell silent as they watched him and he reached her in a matter of moments.

"A word if you please, Professor," he growled, striding past her and opening the door to her office. She was stunned for a moment and it was five seconds before she remembered how to move again. "class dismissed," she muttered, striding into the back and slamming the door hard behind her.

In a flurry of magic that, at any other time, Serena would have found magnificent, Severus cast silencing and warding charms, including one Serena recognised that swept the room for magical listening devices: it appeared he had learnt to be aware of the Weasley twin's inventions.

For a split second he stood still and looked at her, an unreadable expression on his face, but then he was flying towards her, pressing her up against the wall harshly and she thought he was angry still, thought he was still hurt but then he crushed his lips to hers and grabbed her face tightly, forcing her to meet his passion. She didn't need holding, she kissed him back just as cruelly, knotting her hands in his short hair and letting him know how she felt through actions rather than words. They wrestled in a rough embrace for long minutes until Serena suddenly pushed him away and slapped him straight across the face. "don't you ever fucking leave me again you fucking idiot!" she hissed, slumping back against the wall and trying to control her racing heart.

Severus' mouth had dropped open and his eyes were wide as he raised his hand to touch the stinging pain on his cheek. As he heard her words his eyes sparked and his mouth twitched in amusement. "did you just _slap_ me?" he asked in a teasing tone.

"fuck off Severus Snape or I'll do it again!" She crossed her arms and glared at him, trying to cling on to the anger as she knew it was a choice between shouting or crying. She had been so relieved to see his scowling face and her mix of emotions were beginning to overwhelm her.

His eyes glanced over her exhausted frame and red eyes and her trained senses caught the slight slump of his shoulders as his thoughts changed. _She had missed him. Someone had missed him. _"Serena…" he spoke softly but she shook her head, pressing her lips together tightly.

"sometimes-" she said in a voice stronger than she felt. "sometimes you hurt me so bad Severus- sometimes- I- I thought you'd… I looked for you fucking everywhere you fucking- shitting-"

"dunderhead?" he offered in a soft voice.

She spluttered a half sob half laugh and turned away from him, pressing her forehead against the cold stone as she tried to keep herself together. She felt his hands circle her waist and she tensed until she felt the brush of his hair against her ear as he pressed a gentle kiss against her collar bone.

"I need to apologise," he murmured in her ear, kissing her pulse point sweetly. She was so taken aback by his words that she turned around to face him, looking for a loophole. He shut his eyes briefly and pressed his forehead against hers, his eyes flickering open as he began to speak.

"I was angry at Potter and I directed that onto you because you were there and it was an easy thing for me to do. I was logically compromised because my mind was distracted by what I had forced myself to relive in my pensieve. I was not thinking about… I was not thinking about my feelings for _her_ Serena, I was simply trying to let go of some prejudices that had been haunting me lately. I was a brutal monster to hurt you as I did, not just emotionally but…" his eyes grew darker and they looked down to her neck where he brushed the fragile skin with his rough fingertips.

"It did not hurt," she said softly, her eyes grazing over his pained face. She was shocked at seeing such emotion in his eyes and hearing this confession from him. He looked vulnerable to her, something she had never seen before. He would try to cover it with scowls and glares, but at that moment she could see his true feelings and it made her want to cry. "You would never hurt me Severus. I feel no physical pain; there is no bruising; no mark. I did not feel afraid of pain then or now. I am only afraid of losing the man I love."

He kissed her softly. "I… I apologise for walking out on you. Merlin I can't believe I did. Can't believe I could let you out of my sight for so long…"

"where have you been?" she asked gently.

He sighed. "It is a story I would rather tell you in a while. I just want…" he paused and shut his eyes, finding it so difficult to be so open with her, and yet he knew it was what she deserved. When he spoke again his voice was hoarse yet he forced himself to look at her. "I just want to hold you in my arms…"

Serena visibly relaxed, feeling so relieved to hear his vocal declaration of need. She stepped into his arms, wrapping her own tightly around his waist. He lifted her easily and carried her into her quarters, through the living room and into the bedroom. He lay her down in the middle of the bed and covered her body with his own.

His entire body pressed on top of her own and his elbows on either side of her head held half of his weight. His lips were mere millimetres from hers and she was looking at him with such love and desire that it made that emotion bubble warmly in his heart. That emotion that made him want to hold her and never let go. That foreign feeling that made him feel terrified and safe all at once. He wanted to grab her and lock them both in a room forever away from Potter, away from the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord. He wanted her all to himself and as he looked down upon the amazing girl that offered him everything all at once he found his throat burn with a rare blaze of emotion.

He lowered his head ever so slightly to meet her lips with a gentle lingering kiss. "I love you so much, Serena." His voice was scratchy and so were his eyes and Serena's gaze wandered across his face wondrously.

"I love you so much too, Severus."

* * *

**A/N: thanks so much for all your support and reviews so far! each one makes me smile :] **


	97. Chapter 96

Serena sat on Severus' lap, her head cradled against his warm chest with his arms wrapped firmly around her. At his insistence she was wearing his black shirt that smelt so perfectly of his musty, spicy smell.

"I will tell you as much as I can," he murmured into her ear before kissing it lightly and rubbing his cheek against hers. She felt the scraping of his stubble and pulled a face.

"okay but afterwards you really need a shave."

He bit her shoulder gently, "yes ma'am."

She nestled back into his chest and he sighed loudly. "When I left I went into the Hog's Head for a few drinks, and from there I went to a club in Knockturn Alley. I was… out of my mind, I wasn't thinking rationally. I just wanted to clear my mind of what I had been remembering, what fucking Potter had seen, what it meant to me and… I… I understand that you don't agree with me. I don't expect you to. I ask only that you…" he shook his head at this and looked out across the room.

"God how could I ask you anything? Everything you have sacrificed for me, everything you have been through, how could I ever-"

She pressed a finger to his lips and leant up, kissing his cheek tenderly. "you can ask anything of me, Severus. I don't care how trivial or drastically life changing it is, I will always want you to ask me."

He nodded his understanding and brushed his lips against hers, coaxing her to open her mouth to him. She succumbed and he drew his tongue along side hers, enjoying the sweet taste of her velvet mouth.

"mm I've missed you so much," she murmured, kissing down his neck to suck softly on his Adam's apple. He threaded his fingers through her hair and drew her mouth up to his again for another slow kiss.

"I must continue," he said quietly, caressing her face between his hands gently. "In Knockturn Alley I happened across Lucius Malfoy. He invited me to stay over at the Manor and I accepted. It was a foolish decision. The next morning I was determined to leave, however he had contacted the Dark Lord and organised a small revel. He wanted to take advantage of my presence… it was the inner circle only, a small gathering but none the less I had to endure unwanted attentions from Bellatrix and others…"

"Bellatrix?" Serena said suddenly. "Did she- did you-"

"no, no, of course not, hush," he calmed her. "I rejected her attentions, I loathe it when she shoves her half naked form in my face, as though she thinks I am interested in her." He scoffed and then glared at her. "I did not touch another woman," he said fiercely.

"I know," she said clearly, "I did not even think about that. It's just that… did he hurt you, Severus?"

Severus' face became a blank mask and she knew he had. She fingered the buttons on his shirt thoughtfully for a moment before speaking in barely a whisper. "I didn't see any marks on you when…"

"I sorted myself out well enough this morning," he muttered in a gruff voice. "It was just my back but it is recovered."

Her eyes searched his face vigorously and she nibbled her bottom lip, deep in thought. Eventually she kissed him tenderly and ran her hand across his cheek.

"will you come for a shower?" she murmured.

He was torn in his answer. "you are asking because you want to see my-"

"I am asking because I have a right to see my husband naked. I have a right to want to ensure his well being and a right to care for him through hot soapy water."

She opened her mind to him as he searched her eyes and he eventually gave a small jerk of his head. She smiled and kissed him before leading him into the bathroom and shutting the door softly behind them.

Severus watched as she pulled off his black shirt and stood entirely naked before him, His eyes moved across her collar bone and down between the valley of her breasts, across the pale scars on her stomach and down to the small line of hair at the v of her legs. He stood back and let his eyes wander over her tanned skin, noticing the white outline where her bikini had been across her hips. Her nipples were stiff, either due to cold or arousal and he wanted badly to take one in his mouth and give it such loving attention. She shifted under his gaze and moved her arms across her front slightly as her cheeks tinted a soft rose colour.

He shook his head and stepped forward, pulling her arms away and linking his fingers though her hands as he spread her body to his gaze.

"you are so beautiful," he said softly, looking into her brown eyes and meaning every word. "perfect," he whispered, watching her blush at his words.

"now your clothes," she murmured finally, stepping to him and undoing the buttons of his shirt before slipping it off his broad shoulders.

Her eyes watched the rise and fall of his pale chest and the way the planes on his body were accentuated by this slight movement. She reached out and traced the light pattern of scars across his body, each thin mark a reminder of the torment he suffered. She moved her hand to the thin trail of dark hair down his stomach to the band of his black jeans. Her eyes met his as though asking for approval and his mouth twitched into an encouraging smile.

He watched her blush again before slowly undoing his trouser buttons and sliding them down his legs with his black boxers. He stepped out of them and gathered her in his arms, kissing her collar bone.

"your blush is beautiful," he whispered. "I must remind myself to provoke it more often."

She laughed quietly and he took her hand, leading her through to the walk-in shower and turning the water chutes on warm.

Serena took a cloth and lathered it with soapy water before turning a running it across his pale chest. She watched his face closely as his eyes flickered shut and he relaxed under her attentions. She covered his chest and arms and then gave him a slight nudge to encourage him to turn around. He paused for a moment, a flash of something flickering across his face but then he nodded and turned around slowly.

He heard the sharp intake of her breath as she saw the red criss crossed marks across his back.

Serena looked in horror at the patterns of torture that covered the soft skin of his back. She could see the faint scars from the past, but now they were overlapped with fresher angry red lines, some of them deep. She reached out with a trembling hand, through the warm water and traced one of them with her trembling fingertips. He tensed at her touch, trying to decipher her feelings without being able to see her face.

"he- he _whipped_ you?"

Severus pressed his head against the cold tiles and let the water wet his face and hair.

He wondered if she was disgusted by the sight of his mangled skin or if she was just shocked by the realisation of the Dark Lord's sadistic traits. He waited for a reaction from her and suddenly, almost unbelievably, he felt her lips on his skin. _She was kissing them._ She was kissing each new scar and it gave him that rush of warmth again. Her small hands snaked their way around his waist, clasping at the front as she kissed him with wet, open mouthed kisses before laying her cheek against his back softly.

He turned slowly around and kissed her under the fountain of water. "You amaze me," he murmured.

"make love to me," was her gentle reply.

* * *

"_Probation?"_ Severus snarled. "What the bloody hell do you mean?"

"hem, hem, control yourself Professor Snape or under Educational Decree Number Ninety Seven I will be able to refer you to the Minister of Magic for-"

Severus had walked away.

He strode towards the headmaster's office, knowing that when he got there he would be in serious trouble, but deciding it was better than fucking Umbridge. _Probation?_ Who the bloody hell did she think she was! She said it was not legitimate to leave his lessons for two days with no notice to go 'looking for Potions ingredients' – the rumour Dumbledore had spread around. God it was ridiculous! He's only missed about five lessons; surely the dunderheads were glad that he'd been gone!

As he stormed up flights of stairs his mind flickered back to their moments in the shower and he had to repress a smirk. Sometimes, when she let him tease her, her cheeks would blush the prettiest pink.

"Ah," came Albus' sharp voice. "I knew you'd come."

Severus rolled his eyes and strode through the door Albus held open for him. He flung himself into the chair across the desk and waited for Albus to join him.

"You have explaining to do." Albus' voice continued in a harsher tone than normal and Severus had to rack his brains to recollect what crime he'd committed this time.

"If it's about the situation you happened across outside of my classroom Albus, it is none of you business. It is between myself and Serena."

"It is not when it is in my corridor! And it certainly is my business when I see you laying a hand on that innocent girl. I am disgusted with you Severus!"

Severus' expression hardened. He knew he had done wrong; he hated himself for putting his hands so forcefully on her, yet he and Serena understood each other.

"I would _never_ hurt Serena," he growled.

"Your actions contradict your words. You clearly did not see her after you had left. You didn't witness her tears and her crumpled body. You didn't see the fear in her eyes-"

"It was not fear of my hurting her!" He was outraged at Albus' accusations. "She said herself, she was only frightened because I left! A moment I regretted as soon as I could think straight!"

"And what happens when you aren't thinking straight!" Albus cried. "When this happens again and I have to look at my Serena with a red burn around her neck!"

"_your_ Serena? What do you mean yours! She is mine, Albus! Mine! It is nothing to do with you how I treat her!"

"She is like a daughter to me!"

"And she is my wife! So fucking back off!"

"I didn't see you hurrying back after you walked out on her!"

I tried to return as soon as possible Albus but I could not! Lucius fucking Malfoy cornered me! Wanting to show off another fucking mirrored room he's attached onto the house- so that the Dark Lord can watch people being tortured by every fucking angle!"

"And how did Lucius get involved Severus? Where did you meet him?"

"Where I went is none of your business!"

"It is when you risk being seen! Was it one of those 'places'? Did you not think of the beautiful wife you left behind!"

"I think of my wife every second of every day!" he hissed, the little patience he had was thinning. "How dare you accuse me of adultery! How can you try to take Serena from me! How dare you! I will not stand for this Albus! I have been a slave to two masters for most of my life but I am not going to let you control and judge me on this aspect! I will not stand for this abuse!" He stood up and flew towards the door, his robes flaying out behind him. He was magnificent in his anger.

"And tell Dolores Umbridge to fucking stay away from me or I'll fucking kill her."

He stepped out and slammed the door hard behind him, coming face to face with none other than Potter.

He snarled at him and Harry pressed back against the wall looking completely terrified. Snape strode past him, cheered up slightly at the prospect of scaring him so much with one glare.

His new found smirk was quickly vanished when he happened upon two Ravenclaws making out behind a suit of armour. He gave them both detention and deducted forty points- each.

He strode through his empty potions classroom and through to his quarters, slamming each door hard behind him. God he hated Albus sometimes! He took off his robe and glanced into the bedroom. Serena was lying in the dark, on top of the covers of the bed. Her head was lulled to the side and her wand lay limply in her hand. He climbed on the bed and straddled her, his anger quickly dissolving as he hovered over her for a moment before reaching to take her wand gently. The moment he touched it she shot upright, her eyes open as she looked around, alarmed.

He chuckled as she swore foully and lay back down, running a hand up and down his thigh.

"It's a new charm- I set it to wake me up if a threat was posed. I don't know why it classes you as a threat but you did try and take my wand."

"I have not heard that before," he murmured, kissing her neck sweetly. "You must teach me."

"Remus has been working on it," she smiled. "I thought I'd test it."

He grunted and continued kissing her neck, one hand cradling her head and the other slowly pulling her t shirt up to caress the warm skin beneath.

"Who do you belong to, Serena?"

"I'm yours, Severus."

He kissed her neck adoringly so she could not see his relieved expression of thanks. She was _his_, all his. No one else had the right to touch her like he did.

Serena captured his exploring hand in her own and smiled up at him. "Where has this sudden insatiable sex drive come from? I didn't realise I'd married a teenager."

"I haven't seen you for forty eight hours."

"Exactly, I've hardly bloody slept, I'm exhausted."

The corners of his mouth twitched and he kissed her one last time before rolling to the side of her and then drawing her into his arms. "The sleep, little one, but in the morning, I won't be responsible for my actions."

* * *

**Ha ha, what do you think? Is Albus in the wrong? Does he have the right to be so protective of Serena? Thanks for reading :] **


	98. Chapter 97

"mm that was a nice way to wake up," Serena murmured, opening her eyes to meet Severus'. He was leaning over her, watching her face closely as his left hand traced up and down her bare side slowly.

"mm," he replied, still watching her closely. He shifted slightly so his leg overlapped one of her own and then he kissed her lightly.

"what's brought this on?" she asked quietly, running a hand through his sweaty hair and smiling sweetly up at him.

"You're mine, aren't you?"

"Of course I am," she said, stroking his hair softly. "are you okay, Sev? I can feel something coming from you… I just don't know what it is… I felt it last night too…"

He was silent but his hand stilled on her side. His dark eyes seemed to glitter for a moment as they bore deeply into hers and then he sighed, lowering himself half onto her as he pressed his cheek against hers and inhaled her berry shampoo smell.

"forgive me," he said quietly against her ear. "I have not been myself recently."

Serena stayed silent and he eventually rolled off her and moved to the side with his arms behind his head. He gazed unseeingly to the stone ceiling.

Serena scrambled closer to his side and rested her head gently on his chest. "tell me what's wrong? You were very angry when you came in last night; I felt it when you woke me."

"I had been to see Albus," he sighed. "The old man is infuriating. We had an argument, he was… he was trying to get me to leave you…"

Serena sat up suddenly and looked down at Severus, who had shut his eyes.

"he was _what?_" she said sharply.

Severus sighed and sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Let us get dressed."

He took her hand and pulled her off the bed, before taking his shirt and drawing it around her naked body. He buttoned it up quickly and then pulled on black jogging pants and a tight black t shirt for himself. He led her through to the dark living room and they sat together on the sofa. He looked at Serena's shadowed face and scooted closer to her, kissing her on the lips softly. She looked surprised at his tenderness but did not comment.

"Albus was disgusted with me. Hell- I was disgusted with myself! The way I treated you was absolutely appalling, it was unforgivable, it was, it was-"

"in the past," she finished for him quietly.

He took a deep calming breath and then nodded jerkily. "you must believe though, Serena, I am so sorry. It will _never_ happen again, I promise, I can't believe I could hurt you…"

She pressed a finger to his lips. "hush, my lover. I love you, you were drunk and angry and it didn't even hurt, so stop worrying. You're forgetting I smacked you one yesterday as well."

Despite the seriousness of the situation he couldn't resist a small chuckle. "my fiery little tiger."

She laughed and then kissed him. "come on then, Albus was angry."

"He said… he said… and I quote, 'I have to look at _my_ Serena.' _My_ Serena- as in his!"

Serena didn't know what to say. She was stunned that Albus thought of her as his and he wanted to protect her so closely, yet she knew what ownership and possession meant to Severus. He did not like anyone threatening his belongings- and she knew she belonged to him.

"You're not his," Severus growled suddenly, misinterpreting her silence.

"I am yours, Severus," she said quietly, "I am simply at a loss of what to say."

"you should be angry!" he growled. "you should be angry that he's trying to put this claim on you and take you away from me! You're not his! You belong to me! He's trying to steal you for himself and-"

"hush, no he's not. You're seeing it completely the wrong way, you need to stop being so paranoid."

"like that's going to fucking happen in my position," he snapped.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. He was glaring straight ahead and the tenseness was present in his shoulders again. She stood and then moved so she was straddling him, facing him. He looked surprised for a moment but then his glare returned. "you cannot think to use your sexuality as a weapon, you surely would not stoop so low."

"I would not dream of it," she said in a calm voice. "I merely wanted to touch my husband and to try and calm him when he's obviously stressed and insecure."

He was silent but his glare magnified. She reached up and ran her fingers through his short hair, letting it stand up at her touch. Her other hand caressed his cheek and she gazed into his dark eyes as he began to relax.

"I am your wife, Severus. Nobody can take me away from you… Do you remember our wedding day? Do you remember when we danced?" She encouraged him to look at her and his eyes reluctantly met hers.

"I remember," he murmured softly, running his fingers lightly up her thigh.

"And I was so unbelievably happy. I felt like we were the only people in the entire world and yet I wanted everybody to know that Severus Snape had chosen _me!_ Serena Lake, a welsh girl from a shit background with a fucked up magic problem. I couldn't believe that I was married to you! It was the happiest moment of my life, marrying you."

"It was the happiest moment of my life too," he said in a hoarse voice. "Though you have it the wrong way around. _I_ was the one that surprised people, but only in the fact that people were shocked that I had somehow seduced you. You remember I am sure, the love potion accusations? I could hardly believe myself when I saw the love in your eyes… When I saw you willingly walking down that aisle looking so beautiful and coming towards _me_…" He sighed and finally looked at her.

"I have been a fool."

She shook her head. "No, you have been a protective husband and I wouldn't expect anything less. Although the fact that you think Albus is trying to steal me for himself is rather a 'dunderhead' thing to say."

He snorted, "I didn't mean as a husband."

"I should hope not," she smiled. "I like older men, but one hundred and thirty years is a bit too much."

He smirked and then kissed her gently, running his hands up and down her waist. She shifted until she was sitting nicely in his lap and rested her head in the crook of his shoulder.

"is there something besides Albus upsetting you? You just… I can still feel it…" she said helplessly.

"I am just feeling very protective," he murmured quietly. "I have tried to stop… I just… I keep having these flash backs of you and Crouch and then being away from you for so long…" He scowled again, "I am being ridiculous."

Serena kissed him firmly, pressing her lips against his as though to tell him she wasn't going anywhere. "Open your mouth," he murmured softly and her eyes sparkled as she did as he asked. Severus let his own open mouth meet hers and he breathed out hot air before letting his tongue meet hers. She moaned softly against him, entwining her hands around his neck and pulling him closer. He drew back all too soon and she whimpered at the loss of his hot mouth on hers. "Severus…"

He chuckled under his breath and stroked her face softly. "I should be getting dressed… I have a class in fifty minutes, that is if Umbridge will let me teach them."

"How do you mean?"

"She's put me on bloody probation. Old Hag…"

"She what?" Serena gasped. "Why the fuck for?"

"Leaving the school without notice," he muttered. "any way it is of no importance, the only thing I care about is you."

She smiled and leant against his shoulder once more, letting him wrap his arms tightly around her. "Do you think we should go together to see Albus after classes?"

He grunted softly and then sighed. "He shall be less angry if you are there."

"That was my thinking. And then I need to go to the library, I have some charms books I need to take back."

He stroked her hair thoughtfully for a moment and then sighed. "I must shower."

"I would love to join you but I will make you some breakfast instead."

"can you not do both?"

She smiled, "come on, we shower together most mornings I'm sure you won't miss one time. I'll do you a fry up." She slipped off his knee and pulled him up by the hand. He couldn't help but kiss her lightly before hurrying off for a quick cold shower.

Serena busied herself in the kitchen but her mind was still replaying their conversation. He was feeling protective and possessive over her, and she actually did not mind. She would try to stay as close to him as possible over the next few days just to ensure his security.

After giving him breakfast and then slipping out of his office under an invisibility cloak, Serena walked up to her own rooms. She showered and changed into fresh clothes before preparing for her afternoon classes. When she met him afterwards he looked disgruntled again and she guessed he had been teaching more 'dunderheads'. They walked in silence and two yards apart up to Albus' office, just in case Umbridge was lurking. The door opened before Serena had even knocked and Albus looked up from behind his desk expectantly.

"Sit, the pair of you," he said gesturing to two chairs opposite.

Albus reclined in his chair and watched them over his half moon glasses.

"I think perhaps that there has been a misunderstanding," Serena ventured.

Severus snorted and Albus chuckled before standing up and holding his hand out towards her. "come, my child, I wish to speak to you."

She took his warm hand and he led her to the back part of his office, away from Severus who had growled in his throat at Albus' taunt.

"Serena," Albus began, "you know how much you mean to me. I need you to be completely honest with me. Is a relationship with this man what you want? I know that you love him, I know how much you feel that you need him, but if he is violent towards you-"

"Albus, please," she murmured, squeezing his hand. "I would never question Severus' love. He cares for me, protects me, wants me and makes me feel whole. I love him more than I can even believe. I would rather die than be without him."

Albus sighed and nodded. "Having seen your love so clearly and intensely between the two of you I had never thought to question its legitimacy. I can see you love him, I just needed to ensure that you were not… frightened… I can see that you are correct and I am being unnecessarily intervening."

She smiled, "as long as you know now that there is no way we are splitting up… no way on this Earth…"

"I shall take your word for it. Now, shall we face the daggers Severus is staring at us both?"

Serena laughed and he led her back to her street. Severus was sitting stock straight with a rigid glare on his face. "Remembered me have you?" he snapped at Albus who merely chuckled.

"Serena has ensured me that your relationship is as it should be."

"Oh well, never mind me then, if Serena tells you something you believe it immediately yet when I implore the point countless times you simply turn me away with a wave of your majestic hand. Do you want her for yourself, Albus?"

"Sev!" Serena hissed.

Albus raised a hand and turned to Severus. "I would never take Serena from someone she loves and from someone who loves her so intensely. I was merely concerned for her welfare, as I'm sure, are you."

"mm," he grunted. 'are we done?" he said to Serena, making to stand up.

She pulled on his arm and made him sit again. "I think you should apologise to each other."

"What the hell do I have to apologise for?"

"for being rude and arrogant and jumping to the wrong conclusion and then blaming it on Albus."

There was a silence and Albus inclined his head. "Severus I am sorry for doubting a love I clearly had neither right nor reason to doubt."

Severus swallowed and glared at Serena before reluctantly grumbling- "I apologise."

Serena beamed, "thank you, now I have to go to the library, don't be too long Severus." She squeezed Severus' shoulder and smiled at Albus whose eyes were sparkling brightly. "Good Evening Albus."

"Serena."


	99. Chapter 98

She smiled all the way down to the library, imagining the glares Severus was shooting at Albus. They were both extremely stubborn and as bad as each other in Serena's eyes. She picked up her books from her room and when she got to the library she levitated them back up onto their shelves. It was then that she overheard a whispered conversation.

"It's _Professor _Snape, Harry!"

"I don't bloody care, Hermione, I'm telling you! I heard him rowing with Dumbledore!"

"That doesn't mean anything," the girl's voice replied haughtily.

"don't be blind Hermione!" came a different boy's voice. "You've always said that we have to trust him if Dumbledore trusts him but if he's argued with Dumbledore then-"

"and the slimy git knows occlumency! He could have fooled Dumbledore all those years easily!"

"He's in the Order!"

"I don't care! Look at the way he treats Harry!"

"What about Professor Lake?"

"He could be fooling her too!"

"Yeah, or he could have slipped her a potion- as well as the love one I mean."

"Oh Ronald don't be ridiculous- you've seen the, together! Even Remus says that-"

"Well maybe he's slipped Remus a love potion too," Ron sniggered. "Like Snape would pull a girl like her!"

Serena had heard enough. Her blood was practically boiling with anger and her cheeks were red with humiliation. She marched around the other side of the bookshelf with her wand drawn and cast a silencing charm around them in a flurry of angry magic.

They all jumped and then froze when they saw her, their eyes widening with fear. "Professor-" Harry stuttered, but the glare she sent him silenced him immediately.

"Miss Granger you may leave now," she managed through gritted teeth. "it appears you have remained an ounce of intelligence and respect despite being associated with these _dunderheads_."

Hermione quickly gathered her books and rushed past her without a backward glance.

She turned to the two wide eyed boys and clenched her fists. "your behaviour has _disgusted_ me!" she hissed. "how dare you! Get yourselves up to the Headmaster's office this moment before I make some actions I regret!"

They grabbed their bags and walked quickly in front of her back up to Albus' office. Her wand arm was trembling so badly and she felt tears pricking in her eyes. The two boys did not talk nor did they look back and she had time to pull herself together and take a few calming breaths before they reached Albus' office.

"wait here," she muttered, before knocking and opening the door, praying with all her might that Severus was not still there.

She shut the door behind her and leant against it before turning her gaze to the room. Her sigh of relief was enormous.

In a moment Albus was upon her, a concerned look across his face. "a problem, Serena?"

She nodded. "Potter and Weasley are outside. I came across them talking about myself and Severus and his loyalties… it has shaken me…"

He squeezed her arm and guided her to a seat before he opened the door and beckoned the two boys in. He sat them down behind his desk and took his seat opposite them. Serena, who was sitting behind the boys at the back of the office scowled at the back of their heads.

Her ears tuned in and out of Albus' scolding as she gazed ahead into nothing. Was this just the gossiping of students or was it common belief that Severus was a traitor? She felt numb inside as images flashed of all her friends talking about Severus behind her back.

She stood up suddenly. "excuse me, Albus," she muttered, before walking out.

She felt physically sick as she walked down towards the gates of the castle. She had promised to meet Severus but she raised her wand to send a patronus and cancel. She did not give a reason. As she passed the boundary and felt that familiar whoosh of magic leave her, she turned on the spot and apparated away.

Serena found herself in Muggle London, sitting in a bar surrounded by flashing strobe lights and half naked women. It was just four o' clock in the afternoon but already occasional hoards of lads would enter and fill up another booth. She sat on a stool at the bar and sipped at her lemonade, lost deep in thought.

She thought about her friends. Did Remus and Sirius not trust Severus' loyalties either? Did they somehow think that he was fooling her or even fooling them all? What did they think of her then? That she was some naïve girl that was kidding herself, thinking she was in love with a man that would eventually leave her for the dark side.

She wondered if Severus knew the extent of the rumours that flew around him. And if he did know, did he care? But then why would he care? And why should she? Even if it was just the two of them against the world they would still fight it.

She was awoken from her thoughts by the burly, tattooed man that slid into the stool next to her and gave her a smile.

She nearly rolled her eyes.

"Alright Darlin'? What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

"Waiting for my boyfriend," she fired off immediately without even looking at him. "he's just coming out of prison today."

She smirked at the back of his head as he hurried off. She finished her drink and was about to stand up when a heavy arm draped over her. She flinched, her hand immediately flying towards her concealed wand as she stumbled off the stool and away from the drunk man who was leering at her.

"Aw come on sweetheart, y' know y' wanna piece of ol' jack!" She glared at the man who was quickly joined by a few of his friends.

"alrigh' angel," The youngest jeered, reaching out to try and touch her. She jumped backwards from his touch and turned towards the doorway that was quickly blocked by another. Her mind was in over drive as she stood rooted to the spot. She knew she could use magic if she had to, but that would cause so much trouble. She knew could defend herself, but then why did she feel so scared? Her heart was thumping in her chest and a feeling of dread filled her as memories flooded back. "Don- don't touch me," she stuttered, blinking furiously to rid that one face from her mind. The face of a murderer, the face of a rapist. The strobe lights were becoming brighter yet her eyes refused to blink. The leers of the drunken men were like echoes and it barely registered in her mind as she felt them pushing and pulling at her.

She gasped for breath, trying desperately to control her breathing and trembling. She felt dizzy and confused and when a sharp bang and a flash of light ignited she had to squint to figure out what it was.

With his wand clenched in his hand, the dark figure stormed towards her, making the other men cower from her in just one glare. She felt his hand on her wrist and she stumbled after him as she was pulled along roughly. The light from outside hit her eyes and still she could not blink to soothe the pain. Her breathing was quickening, her head felt faint and she grasped her throat to try and let some air in.

"Serena…" his voice was a faint whisper n the back of her bind. "Serena!" She was lost. "Dammit Serena! Breathe! Anapneo! Breathe! It is I! It is Severus!"

_Severus…_

Her breath was a sharp gasp of icy air that filled her lungs and stung her eyes. She gasped in another as she felt strong arms around her, holding her tight and keeping her safe. She was rocked gently until her breathing steadied and then she felt him turn away from her and she was apparated away.

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**A/N: this chapter was really long when written so i've chopped it in two! Please review it can be my present- it's my birthday tomorrow :] thanks for reading my lovelies! **


	100. Chapter 99

Severus steadied the trembling girl and then suddenly turned her away from him as she threw up over the carpet. He held her hair away from her face and rubbed gentle circles on her back. When she had calmed he cleared the mess with his wand and led her into the kitchen slowly and made her drink water before lowering her onto the sofa in the front room. She was crying silently and her hands were trembling. Severus could only sit there and hold her, trying to calm her as well as calming his own emotions. After five minutes of sitting in silence, Serena raised her tear stained face and looked up at him.

"Severus… I'm so sorry… how did you find me?"

He cleared his throat and gazed into the fire. "Your necklace activated."

"My… it…" She fumbled with the chain around her neck and gazed at him in awe.

"you need to explain"

She nodded slowly, "of course I…"

"Why were you there, Serena?" Severus tried so hard to keep the accusation from his voice, but he failed miserably.

"I just wanted to go somewhere to think about things… I happened across a conversation I did not expect and… I don't know…"

"what conversation?"

"It was about us… about you… and your loyalties… It just shocked me and I had all these thoughts running through my head- did everyone think the same? Did they all doubt you too?"

Severus snorted, "you cannot be serious." He glanced down at her face and his smirk faltered. "you are serious?" His shoulders seemed to slump ever so slowly and he shook his head. "you are so naïve… so innocent…" he said in a quiet voice. "You thought that everybody trusted me? Thought that I was just another member of the Order? That I was Dumbledore's man and everyone accepted that?" He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

"I just thought that they could accept Dumbledore's judgement, I thought that they would see how much you risk for them and…"

"who was it, anyway? Not Lupin?"

"no, no it was students; they are being dealt with… I just needed to go and think somewhere and I remembered that club from a few years ago… I didn't encourage those men Severus, I swear-"

"Were you drinking?" he interrupted her suddenly.

"no, I promise!"

Severus gritted his teeth, he wanted to check; he needed to be sure but he knew she would see it as a betrayal is he did not trust her. His hand clenched tightly around his wand and he stared into the fire, trying to make his decision.

"Severus please…" her voice sounded broken as she sensed his distrust. He let his gaze fall on her and saw tears in her eyes again.

He cleared his throat and looked away. "Forgive me… I… I find my mind cannot comprehend how you can go to a little known bar in a state of emotional distress and not want to distract yourself with alcohol that is so readily available."

"I promised you I would always try my best not to drink like that," she said softly. "and I know that I sometimes let you down but I always try my best, I really do…"

He sighed and stroked her hair lightly. "I am in the wrong," he said quietly, forcing himself to speak the words he knew were true.

"do not worry. I was stupid to let myself get into that situation."

"why did you not stun them? Apparate? Run?"

"I couldn't… I couldn't move… their taunts and shouts and they kept touching me and… it reminded me so much of… the memories just flooded back…" Her face crumpled and she moved tighter into Severus' embrace. "I was so scared," she whispered. "I wish… I wish so much I can wipe those memories from my mind… Albus says it is wrong."

Severus sighed and tightened his arms around her. "you are safe now, my love, you know that? He can't hurt you anymore. he is gone."

"I know," she sniffed, letting her eyes fall shut as she relaxed into his safe embrace.

"Albus is right, I hate to admit it. It is wrong and dangerous to tamper with memories. What happened to you has shaped who you are today."

"well I wish it fucking hadn't," she snapped, pushing away from his suddenly.

"calm yourself," he ordered in a deep sharp voice that startled her. "and stop swearing."

She snorted, "hypocrite."

He smirked, "of course I am." He tightened his arms around her again and kissed her lightly. "Are you okay now, Serena?"

She nodded, "I'm fine, I was being stupid and I want you to know Severus- I don't care what anyone thinks, truly I don't."

He sighed, "I hate it that you speak the truth. Your reputation should not have to be tainted by association with someone like me."

"hush, I don't care about reputation."

"mm." He looked thoughtfully into the fire for a moment and then kissed her temple sweetly. "you nearly gave me a heart attack when I felt that sensor vibrating."

"I'm sorry I scared you."

"mm. At least we know it works now."

"you think of the cleverest things."

"would you like to go out with me tonight?" he said suddenly. "for a meal?"

Serena blushed and sat up to look at him properly. "a date?"

He scowled, "if you must call it such a-"

"I'd love nothing more," she beamed, pressing her lips to his. "where are we going?"

"There is a muggle sea food restaurant in Cornwall that has very high reviews."

"perfect."

"Indeed, I shall go back to Hogwarts, I must speak with Minerva. I shall pick you up at half past seven. Oh, and my new house elf may come this afternoon, her name is Maisie and she is terrified of clothing so be careful you don't leave anything out of place."

Serena smiled, "I shall do my best. Does Maisie know of our relationship?"

"She does, and is bound by her elf duties. If she is funny with you- inform me and I shall straighten her out. She has some very odd notions."

"I'm sure we'll get along just fine."

"I must go," he said finally, standing up and pulling her up with him. He surprised her by pulling her into a sudden hug and burying his face into the crook of her shoulder. She held still whilst he took what physical comfort and reassurance he needed from her and when he drew back he avoided eye contact with her, gazing instead at their interlocked fingers.

"take bloody care of yourself," he muttered, before releasing her and apparating away.

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**A/N: i think this is the shortest chapter i've posted so far and i must apologise! life and work have been running over me recently and i've struggled to find time to write. Serena and Severus have just refused to appear in the creative part of my mind, but i promise you i'm gonna sit down and make sure that chapter 100 is verrrrryyyy long and hopefully full of action ;] so thanks for putting up with me! **


	101. Chapter 100

**A/N: here it is, chapter 100 [or what i count as chapter 100]. I hope you all like it, it's pretty long and intense and will hopefully make up for the previous short chapter! Thanks for reading! **

* * *

Serena sat in front of the mirror in the bedroom, twirling thin pieces of her hair around her wand and curling it loosely. When she had finished she checked her make up and then went to her wardrobe. She smiled as she looked at her clothes next to Severus'. The way they had both adapted to living together had been so easy and she loved seeing signs of them both around the house- although she knew those signs were gone in a wave of a wand if they ever had any visitors- just in case of death eaters.

She pulled out her new dress- short, black and with sheer sleeves. She held it up against her in the mirror before slipping it on and doing a twirl. She laughed at her own silliness and grabbed some simple black heels from the wardrobe before running with them lightly down the stairs.

A sudden loud crack made her scream and her hand grabbed the wand from the holster on her thigh as she turned towards the culprit of the noise. A string of swear words left her mouth as her eyes fell upon the tiny house elf before her.

"I is apologising miss-" the tiny thing squeaked as Serena clutched her heart and drew in deep breaths as she leant against the door frame. "Master is saying not to frighten miss and Maisie forgotted, miss, Maisie will punish herself miss-"

"no, no no punishing. I forbid you." Serena lifted the hem of her dress, turning away from the elf's gaze to put her wand away before turning her eyes on the little elf. She seemed quite young compared to other elves she had seen. She was wearing a baby pink toga and had little ears that were drooping slightly in her unhappy state. She had large brown eyes and reminded Serena of a small child. "It was my fault," Serena continued. "Severus warned me you might stop by, I should stop being so jumpy…"

"It is a pleasure to meet you miss."

Serena smiled, "It's lovely to meet you too, Maisie."

"you is seeming very nice. Master is saying how nice you is."

"Severus told you that?"

"not in words miss, but Maisie knows, Maisie sees. Master is saying Maisie must protect and serve miss always, just as Maisie serves and protects Master."

"how long have you…served….Severus?" Serena asked whilst she put on her shoes.

"I is serving Master for one week."

"how did you come to be Severus' house elf, Maisie?"

"Master comes to the kitchens miss and he sees Maisie and Master Headmaster Dumbledore he says Maisie must now serve Master Severus."

"Severus chose you?"

"yes miss."

Serena pondered that thought and then smiled. "well I'm very glad he did. Are you happy, Maisie?"

"I is very happy miss!" the little elf squeaked, wringing her hands in enthusiasm.

"good."

At that moment the floo activated and Severus stepped into the room. Serena gaped at his expensive black muggle suit, waistcoat and cravat and her cheeks blushed pink as his own dark eyes clouded over with desire as he looked up and down her body.

"wow," he said softly, walking over and kissing her tenderly, his fingers holding hers gently. "you look beautiful."

"you look amazing," she smiled back. "I haven't seen you looking this handsome since our wedding day."

Severus smirked and then turned to Maisie, who Serena had forgotten was even there.

"Maisie, if you could give the place a clean, and the bathrooms as well. And I need meals in the fridge for the next three nights, something healthy, and there's essays on my desk that need filing. When you have done that you may retire. I shall, however need you tomorrow morning, nine o clock."

"yes Master Severus," the elf squeaked happily, her ears lifting up in delight.

"Serena and I are going out, if you are still here when we get back, we must not be disturbed, understood?"

"yes Master Severus."

"thank you. Come, Serena, or we shall be late for our reservation." Serena took the arm he offered and Severus span away into the darkness.

He held Serena tight whilst she got her bearings and breathed in the fresh air deeply.

They were on a small road overlooking a bay and Serena could just make out the ocean through the darkness. She gazed up at his face that was hidden mostly in shadow. "this is perfect."

He smirked and then took her hand, leading her along the road to a small restaurant on the cliff.

"table for two, name of Jones."

"Right this way, Mr. Jones," the young waitress smiled, leading them to a private booth at the back corner. Serena did not miss the way the waitress looked Severus up and down and then scowled at her. She glared back until she had gone and then slid into the corner, smiling when Severus followed her.

He kissed her ear and then her cheek, before slipping his hand onto her thigh under the table.

"I am glad we can sneak these moments into our hectic lives," he murmured quietly into her ear. Her eyes flickered shut and his deep voice.

"you are the best husband a girl could wish for, you know that?"

He chuckled. "Tell me what is your opinion of Maisie?"

"She seems lovely," she smiled. "why do you suddenly need a house elf?"

"We will both be busier than normal these next few months, what with the Dark Lord and school duties. We shall also be spending most nights at Spinner's End, it is quicker to access Grimauld Place from there. I do not want either of us slowed down with trivial things such as meals."

"She says you chose her?"

"I did."

"why her?"

"she is young for a house elf. And her eyes a big and brown." He turned his eyes to Serena's and she blushed and then turned disapproving.

"you gave her much too much work to do! The poor little thing will never finish all that by the time we're back."

"house elves thrive on work, you saw how happy she was. If I left her to her own devices she would be miserable and a danger to herself."

"hmm. She seems sweet, and someone making meals for us would be nice."

"And I must ensure you eat properly. What are you going to order?"

"would you mind ordering for me?"

He looked at her in surprise. "Are you not capable of making your own decision?"

She shoved his arm lightly and smiled, "I don't know what half the things on the menu are."

"you are new to seafood?"

"not at all, quite the opposite, however I have generally only eaten it abroad, and so all the different names were in foreign languages…"

"of course, then I shall certainly order for you, my love."

He raised his arm and the young blond waitress hurried over, smoothing down her hair and apron before flashing Severus a dazzling smile.

Serena smirked at the waitress as her eyes darted to Severus' hand concealed by the table. She received a scowl in return but she did not rise to it. Severus handed her the menu and she walked away, shooting another glare at Serena over her shoulder.

"do you know that woman?" Severus asked, frowning.

"no."

"Then why are you both glaring at each other?"

She almost laughed, "oh Sev you are terribly blind sometimes."

"excuse me?"

"that waitress has had her eyes all over you from the moment we walked in, and she hasn't stopped glaring at me either."

"don't be ridiculous."

"you seem surprised. Have you not looked in a mirror Severus? You look tall and dark and handsome tonight. Your eyes speak wonders to a girl. I'm just lucky to be the girl they're speaking to."

Severus lifted a finger under her chin and tilted her head towards his, before he leaned in and let his lips meet hers. She tasted so sweet and perfect and his lips moulded so wonderfully with his. He moved his hand higher up her thigh and felt her tense in anticipation against him. He smirked against her lips and she laughed, pulling away a fraction. "you tease."

He silenced her with a rougher kiss and she moaned softly, thrilled at his display of affection in such a public situation.

"ex-excuse me."

Severus pulled back and turned to the waitress who was glaring at Serena fiercely. She placed two glasses on the table and poured them both wine. Severus turned away from her as she sorted out the table for them and instead focussed his gaze entirely on Serena. He felt the waitress' jealousy and he smirked, before kissing Serena again. When he drew back, the other woman had gone.

"that was mean," Serena laughed.

"no one looks at my wife with such contempt."

She held his heated gaze for as long as she could before turning her eyes towards her wine and taking a sip.

"mm, that's gorgeous."

"it is not the only thing."

Serena laughed again. "what have you done with my snarky husband?"

His mouth twitched into a smile. "all I want to do is tell you how beautiful you are... I find it hard to control these foolish impulses."

"they are not foolish… sometimes I am overcome with the desire to make sure you know how wonderful you are, how much I love you, how much I need you."

Severus did not know how to respond and so he kissed her and took her hand in his and hoped it would be enough.

"What did you order?" Serena said finally, sipping her wine.

"Seafood Platter for two."

"oo we're sharing?"

"Yes."

She smiled and overlapped the hand on her thigh with her own small warm fingers. She gazed out of the window and felt Severus' gaze upon her again. She suppressed her smile as he kissed her neck softly. "I would like to apologise."

Serena looked at him in surprise. "what on earth for?"

"for my… behaviour this past week. My…hurting you… I was… I can't stop thinking about… I just feel that I need to apologise."

Serena let him finish and then she squeezed his hand. "thank you. Your apology is accepted most fully."

He looked relieved and the crease on his brow lifted ever so slightly. Serena leaned over and kissed him. "je t'adore."

"I know," he smirked. "I know." He leant in ever so slightly as though to kiss her but then froze, his entire body tensing and his eyes widening.

"your mark?" Serena asked quickly, clutching his hand.

"Seafood Platter for two?" Serena looked at the waitress with confusion, before plastering a smile on her face and nodding. The woman looked at Severus with raised eyebrows before she walked away.

Severus pulled out his wand. "Albus' phoenix just appeared outside, we need to leave."

He stood up, threw some muggle money on the table and took Serena's hand, pulling her towards the door.

"excuse me sir-"

"the money's on the table," he growled.

When they were in the deserted street, Serena lifted the hem of her dress and pulled out her wand, following Severus over to the great golden bird that was looking very majestic on an old brick wall.

"She will transport us, are you ready?"

"let's go."

She held his arm tightly and Severus reached out, just touching an orange feather before they were pulled into the darkness.

They were both poised for battle as they re emerged in a dark narrow hallway. "we're in Grimmauld Place," Serena said suddenly. They both listened carefully. There were raised voices in the kitchen, lots of them, and they both made their way down the steps towards them.

Severus opened the door and stepped in, pulling Serena closely behind them. They were met with a crowded scene. It seemed the entire Order was there. Serena spotted Remus and Sirius in the kitchen, standing by Samuel and Tonks. Alastor Moody stood by Minerva and Filius, talking to Dedalus Diggle and a witch in green robes that Serena thought was called Hestia. The Weasleys were sitting around the table and Serena spotted Potter and his friends in a corner.

As heads turned to look at their strange attire, Albus flew over to them in a swirl of purple robes. "We have a situation."

Serena heard wolf whistles from Sirius and she rolled her eyes in his direction as she followed Severus and Albus through the crowd over to the table. "Six Death Eaters have escaped from Azkaban, Severus why did you not know of this?"

Severus looked stunned for a moment and then he glared. "I am a spy, Albus, I may be the Dark Lord's number one but that does not mean I am liked by his followers. Whatever they have been planning, it was nothing to do with me and it is not my job to be keeping an eye on Azkaban."

"You have not been summoned?"

"obviously not, Albus," he spat. Serena laid a calming hand on his arm and he took a deep breath. "who are they?"

"The Carrows, Fenrir Greyback-"

"- I didn't know he was in Azkaban? I thought he was underground?" Serena interrupted.

"he was arrested three months ago. Bellatrix's husband, Rodolphus has also been freed, along with Crabbe and Goyle."

"Shit…"

"What are we going to do about it?" Severus asked.

"The meeting is about to start." Albus took his place at the top of the kitchen and Serena and Severus went to stand by Remus.

"And where have you two been?" he asked, smiling.

"out," Serena smirked. "although we were interrupted before we'd even started bloody eating."

"Well you look absolutely gorgeous, doesn't she Padfoot?"

"you look hotter than a salamander-"

Severus growled and started towards Sirius but Serena held him back as she laughed their comments off.

"Attention!" Albus said loudly and the conversations quietened and finished.

"I shall begin assigning duties. Azkaban needs a sweep over, people to put new defences in place. I understand that it is not a desirable job and nobody wants to do it, but I need three volunteers."

There was a long pause. Eventually, Hestia, Arthur and Alastor raised their hands. Serena almost collapsed in relief.

"Next, Hogsmeade and Diagon Alley will need extra protection. Five volunteers."

Serena raised her hand, along with Remus, Arthur, Tonks and Samuel.

"Good. I would also like to have two people on the muggle housing in the area of London, setting basic defensive spells."

Molly and Dedalus nodded.

"And now I need someone to fix the rota for the Ministry."

"I'm on it," Sirius interjected.

"Good, the rest of you shall be stationed around Hogwarts. Severus are you-"

"I'm on my way," he muttered, taking out his wand. "Is this meeting over?"

"It is."

"Then Serena is leaving for London too. I shall report as soon as I am back."

He took Serena's hand and pushed his way through the staring faces. Serena shot an apologetic face to Remus and hurried after him. When they reached the door, he pulled her roughly into his arms and apparated them to Spinner's End.

She did not have a chance to steady herself as he pressed her against the wall in the dark hallway and kissed her fiercely. His hands held her face to his and his body pressed hard against her own. Her fingers clutched at his jacket and she tried to match the erratic movement of his lips whilst her mind spun into a jumble of dazed thoughts and she let her body take over.

He drew back too quickly and Serena grabbed him, and kept his mouth close to hers as they panted together, foreheads pressed against each others lightly.

"I'm sorry Serena," he breathed against her lips. "I had… tonight I planned…"

"I want you too," she whispered, running her fingertips up and down his arm. "Go and do what you have to do. When you return, I shall be waiting for you."

He nodded and kissed her quickly before hurrying upstairs. She sat on the sofa, smoothing her dress out. When he came down he was wearing his Death Eater robes and he was scowling.

"Maisie."

With a crack that made Serena jump, the little elf appeared, looking delighted at being called.

"are the tasks I asked you to do completed?"

"yes Master!"

"Then I have a new job for you. Tonight you will make sure Serena eats a meal and drinks some water. Light a fire for her and ensure she is comfortable. Then you may retire."

"Severus-" Serena began but he cut her off.

"Thank you Maisie."

He swept over to Serena, pulling on his black gloves. "If I am late, don't wait up." He kissed her sweetly, letting his gaze linger on her lips before he disapparated away.

* * *

"SSSeverussss… you have come to celebrate?"

Severus kept his head bowed low, focussing on his boots. "I heard of your triumph, my Lord, and came to offer my congratulations."

"Indeed… Most gracious… then your being here had nothing to do with Dumbledore?"

"I waited until Dumbledore sent me, my Lord, only to ensure he believes I am loyal to him."

"Very well. You may rise, Sssseverusss."

Severus lifted his head and stood up, looking into the red eyes of his Master. He felt the Dark Lord trying to invade his mind and he applied his occlumency subtly. He always had to balance his mind carefully. If the Dark Lord saw he was applying occlumency then he would know Severus had something to hide. Applying this invisible layer to his mind had taken years of practise and hundreds of headaches.

"How may I serve you, my Lord?"

"Luciusss, come here."

Severus felt another presence next to him but he did not break eye contact with the Dark Lord.

"Bring me Bellatrix… and find a friend for Severusssss,"

"Certainly, my Lord," came Lucius; low whisper. Severus bowed his head and then turned away, following Lucius through the majestic hall. There were cloaked figures everywhere, some wearing masks, some without. He heard the erotic screams of one of the female death eaters and looked away from the man slamming into her. Her impassioned sounds were drowned out by a different type of scream though, as two muggles were dragged into the room. Severus looked the women up and down with a sneer on his face, well practised at his act.

Lucius beckoned Severus over to stand before them. One looked no more than sixteen, a small girl, with long brown hair and blue eyes that were full of tears. She shook almost violently as her eyes darted from Severus to Lucius. The other was older, perhaps twenty, he thought. She looked defiantly at him with her brown eyes and Severus' heart pounded suddenly as he was reminded of his love.

"that one," he muttered, pointing at the younger girl. He did not want reminders of his love whilst he was doing unspeakable deeds to another girl. Plus, if he was with her then he could try and limit her suffering… she was so young…

"no, no please, please mister-" the girl began to cry terribly and Severus grabbed her by the arm roughly.

"shut up you filthy slut." He pulled her over to a darkened corner, his wand on her back and the other hand pulling tightly on her hair. She sobbed and struggled against him but he only held her tighter until he had sat down on one of Lucius' _chaise-longes_ and pulled the squealing girl next to him. "shut up you filthy little whore. Tonight you are mine! You will do as only _I_ say!"

Lucius smirked at him and was led by Narcissa into a different corner nearby. As they walked away, Cissy looked over her shoulder and watched Severus sadly, before turning back to her husband who had already begun undoing his belt buckle.

Severus set up privacy charms around them. It was a new spell that had taken him months to perfect and it worked to allow only what he wanted to be heard, to be projected from his spot. He grabbed the girl by the hair and pulled her terrified face closer to his.

"If you don't want to suffer, you have to trust me."

The girl froze and her eyes widened. He leant in again and murmured softly in her ear. "Your only purpose now is for my pleasure. If you struggle, I will be forced to torture you. If you scream I will be forced to silence you. If you disobey me, I will be forced to make you obey me. I do not wish to do any of these things. I do not want pleasure from you. Do you understand?"

The girl whimpered and nodded jerkily.

"Good. Do not look around the room, if they see you looking where you have no right to look, they will kill you. You must focus all your attention on me, on my voice, on my presence. I am the only thing in the world that exists to you now, do you understand?"

She nodded again, more tears streaming down her face. "please mister…" she begged him softly. "please… yuh don' have to do this t' me…"

"If you have any chance of living, which is very slim, you must obey me. They expect me to be entertaining myself with you. You are my toy."

"I'm jus' a girl mister-"

"Stop talking…" he sighed and rubbed his brow. Perhaps he had made the wrong decision. Her youthfulness and innocence only reminded Severus of his Serena. He saw similarities in the way she delivered her words with defiance and yet timidity all at once. He pushed that thought to the back of his head and locked it away. This was not Serena. This was just another part of his job and he had to deal with it. He grabbed the girl roughly by the hair again, causing her to gasp and whimper in pain.

"undo my belt," he hissed, glaring at her, aware he may have an audience. She did as he asked with fumbling hands and he grabbed her tighter, grounding her face into his crotch with a sneer on his face.

"now suck," he growled. The girl began to shake and cry and so he freed himself, giving his cock a few quick strokes to divert his mind back on task. This was business, just business. "do it!" he almost shouted, forcing her mouth open and shoving her face deep onto him. She spluttered and coughed around him but he held her tight and she eventually grew still, learning to breathe through her nose. "just do it," he growled. "It will be much less painful for you."

He felt her take several deep breaths and then her moist lips closed around him. Severus groaned, letting his head fall back and smack the wall. He hated himself. He hated his life. He didn't want this girl, this poor, innocent young girl to have to commit such acts upon him. He hated it more when his body responded. He knew her mouth would not be enough, that he would, as he always did, have to bring up a memory of Serena. He hated himself for it, for having to pretend it was her, for bringing her into this disgusting world.

As he eyes refocused on the room he spotted Greyback watching him and the girl with a predatory smile. Severus turned his attentions back to her, grabbing her head and forcing her deeper as he spat out filthy obscenities about her blood. He could feel himself building, he was near, he was close. _Serena._ It was her lips so warm and perfect, bringing him to completion as she whispered she loved him whilst her mouth was still around his throbbing erection. "yesssss…" he hissed as he finished into the girls mouth, holding her there to make her swallow. She spluttered and coughed and tried to pull away until there was a sudden flash of light and she slumped sideways onto the floor, the remains of Severus' release dribbling down her chin.

Severus jumped up, his wand pointing at the wolf who had cast the curse. "what the fuck do you think you're doing?" he hissed slowly. He readjusted his trousers with a flick of his wand and then advanced slowly on the leering man. His heart was thumping in his rib cage as he stepped over the body of the girl. He'd really thought he could save her. Really thought he might be able to keep her alive… But now he looked down into her dead eyes, noticing the shimmer of his release in the light. He swallowed down vomit.

His anger exploded. The curse he sent at the wolf hit perfectly and he was flung back into a marble statue with a sickening crack. Severus advanced on him again, but he felt a hand upon his shoulder. "Severusssss old friend, what has he done?"

He pushed Lucius out the way. "he killed my pet," he growled, pointing his wand at the cowering wizard.

"I was just 'avin a laugh-"

"don't… fuck… with… what's… mine." With each word he slashed his wand through the air, a dramatic effect for the audience he had gathered. He took one more look into his watery eyes before turning his back and striding across the silent hall. He had moved no more than four steps when he sensed the wolf move behind him. He turned a fraction of a second too late and bit down on his lip hard as he felt a chunk of his shoulder sliced off. He stumbled forward slightly, hissing in pain and trying so desperately not to call out. He heard gasps from the others as he swirled around, spotting his own blood fly through the air as he pointed his wand at the wolf.

He turned his head a fraction to his left and let his eyes fall upon the Dark Lord who was looking more amused than outraged. "My Lord…" he hissed, just loud enough for the Dark Lord to hear him. "may I have your permission..?"

"No," he hissed, leaning forward in his throne. "do not… kill him. But I think… our friend greyback needsssss to learn we do not cursssse a turned back… esssspecially among friendsssss…"

Severus' eyes flickered back to the horrified looking Greyback as he moved his wand in a flurry of furious motions, casting the _sectumsempra _charm until Greyback passed out and his screams were silenced.

Severus looked at the nearest masked death eater who was frozen in place. "clean him up," he muttered. "if he dies it will be your problem."

The wizard darted forward and began healing the wolf. Severus did not stay long enough to see if his attempts were futile or not. He walked straight out of the hall, into the crisp night air, before spinning on the spot and apparating away.

He fell face down onto the carpet in Grimauld Place and let out a low, animalistic groan.


	102. Chapter 101

**A/N: thanks so much for your reviews and messages of the previous chapter! I hope you all enjoyed it! thanks for reading!**

* * *

Remus scrambled up the stairs from the kitchen, his wand drawn and his senses alert. Severus' groans had carried all the way downstairs to where he and Samuel were having a nightcap.

He spotted the man, slumped on the floor, groaning helplessly, his black robes torn and soaked in blood. He rushed to his side, Samuel quickly joining him. "Get him upstairs."

Severus groaned as they lifted him and managed to steady him on his feet. His fist caught in Remus' robes and he gripped them tightly, trying to stay upright on his own. Remus helped him upstairs and Samuel grabbed the first aid potions bag and led them into Severus' room. He collapsed on the bed and gritted his teeth together tightly.

Remus cut off the robe and shirt around his shoulder, gasping at the gaping wound. It looked like he had been splinched, but deeper and Remus could see the white of his shoulder blade through all the blood. His face was drained of colour and his eyes slid in and out of focus.

"Blood Replen…" Severus tried to speak but his shoulder hurt too much and his brain couldn't work out what he was trying to say.

"Blood Replenisher, how many doses? Blink how many."

Severus squeezed his eyes shut twice and Samuel grabbed the two small bottles and helped him gulp them down messily.

"Pain… then… Alcohol… then…Skele-Grow…and… Dittany…"

Remus shoved a pain potion down his throat and then took out the bottle of pure alcohol they used to clear severe wounds. Severus knew that even after the pain potion- this would hurt. He shoved his fist in his mouth and let Remus pour the bottle over his open wound. Lights exploded in his eyes. He had never been in so much pain and if he had he couldn't remember it being like this. He could hear Remus talking to him, telling him to breathe but it was so difficult. He was hyperventilating and he felt sick and he knew he had to breathe, he had to be positive, he was going to be fine, he wouldn't let a fucking werewolf stop him.

"Focus Severus, focus on something, it's fine, you'll be fine, you can take it."

Severus let out another groan, biting down hard on his knuckles as Remus applied the Skele-Grow and the chips in his bone repaired themselves.

Severus shut his eyes tight, trying to do as Remus told him. He would be fine, he knew it, he'd had so much worse. He had to get home, he knew Serena was waiting for him, and he'd promised her so much… Yet he was so dirty, tainted by this wolf, tainted by a muggle he'd violated, a girl who'd died because of him. And she had seemed so familiar, so _Serena_ to him… her defiance and naivety and trust…

"Finished."

Severus opened his eyes. Remus was leaning over him, running his wand over Severus' face. He looked… _worried_. Severus almost laughed at the ridiculousness of that perception. Perhaps it was the pain potion that had tainted his mind with these ridiculous thoughts.

He tried to sit up, but was pushed back down immediately. He glared at Samuel who was frowning disapprovingly and looking uncomfortable at the same time. "You need to rest."

"Then I shall rest back in the privacy of my own home," he growled, sitting up and biting back the gasp of pain that threatened to escape.

"You can't apparate for a few days, that's probably what worsened the injury."

"then I shall floo."

"Severus…" Remus looked desperate as Severus managed to stand carefully, clutching his wand in one hand and the wall with the other. "what happened?"

"What do you bloody think," he snapped. "Now get out of my way wolf, I have a wife to see."

"I'll bring her here-"

"no!" Severus ordered, suddenly turning to them both and pointing his wand at their stricken faces. "you will not summon her, and you will not tell her of this… incident… she has enough on her plate…"

"You think she won't notice?" Remus spluttered. "There is a scar Severus-"

"Then it's just another to add to my fucking collection."

He marched over to his wardrobe and riffled through some of the clothes he and Serena kept there. He pulled out black jeans and a black jumper and then turned to them glaring. "Give a man some fucking privacy will you?"

"We'll be downstairs," Remus muttered, clearing up the first aid and bottles. He shot a glare at Severus before leaving and Severus knew he should feel guilty. They had just saved his damn life. Another fucking life debt he owed.

He swore constantly as he struggled out of his bloody robes, deciding in the end to just vanish them. He used magic to help get his jumper on and pulled up his jeans. He left his belt off, not wanting to be reminded of the traitorous acts he had just committed.

He took his wand and peered out of his door carefully. He cast silencing charms on his footsteps as he made his way downstairs, wincing at each step. He was at the front door when Remus happened upon him.

"I thought you'd try and leave. What is it you want? Where are you going? You can floo to Spinner's End easily."

"Fuck off Lupin," he muttered, turning back.

Remus caught his elbow and when Severus turned, Remus had his wand pointing into his face. He rolled his eyes.

"Lupin-"

"Tell me what you need and I will get it for you. If you apparate you will open your wound. If you do not want Serena knowing, then that is not a good idea."

Severus looked at him for a moment, trying to work out his motives. "what do _you_ want?"

"I don't want Serena to be hurt. And it will hurt her to see you in such pain."

Severus was silent for a moment and he rubbed the bridge of his nose with his good arm. "I need a stronger pain potion…"

"We have them here... and you know Serena would still be able to feel your emotions anyway…"

"oh fuck it," Severus spat, glaring at Remus. "I need a fucking lust potion. If I take that then it's all she'll be able to feel tonight. In the morning I will leave before she wakes, and will be fine by the evening. She is waiting for me… I promised…"

"you promised her a romantic night in," Remus finished sadly. "I'll go to Hogwarts for you. But she'll find out Severus, you know she will."

"There is no harm in trying."

Remus nodded to himself and then shrugged on his jacket.

"Please wait here, Samuel is in the kitchen, and there's a bottle of Firewhiskey in there too. You want them from your stores?"

He nodded, "the wards to my office are not difficult, but if you try to go further than that you shall struggle greatly so don't both Lupin. The password for my office is Venus…"

"I shall be quick."

Severus nodded and pushed past him. The awkwardness in the air was unbearable. He knew he should be thanking Remus for everything but he could not bring himself to do it.

He slipped down the passageway to the kitchen and walked into the dimly lit room. Samuel was sitting on a stool with his little boy asleep in his arms. He was rocking him back and forth gently and smiling down at his face. He looked up when Severus walked in.

"He woke up from the noise…"

"I apologise," Severus muttered, his voice hoarse. "I didn't know where else… I could not go back to Spinner's End and I could not get to Hogwarts… I..."

"Remus and I are relieved you came here, Severus. Serena would have taken a while to recover from seeing you so."

"I am glad you both care for her so."

"She needs people looking after her." The accusation in Samuel's voice was undeniable and they stared at each other in silence for a moment.

"what are you trying to say?" Severus managed through gritted teeth. "You saying I can't look after my wife Shacklebolt?"

Samuel was calm and unfazed, continuing to rock the child gently in his lap. "I am merely stating that you live a dangerous life. When you go away, you don't see her Severus. We do- she needs friends to care for her, as well as you."

"When I go away I promise her I will return. She has _nothing_ to worry about."

"Ah let us turn the tables then shall we? Send her off to a room full of Death Eaters and the most dangerous wizard in the world and see how you feel."

Severus rubbed his brow, trying to lessen his headache. "I appreciate all you do for her, Shacklebolt, but don't try and say I don't do all I can for my wife." He turned to the cupboards and pulled out the Firewhiskey, pouring himself a good measure and pressing the cool glass against his forehead. He tipped the glass down and swallowed it in one, not even registering the burn in his throat.

"How old is the kid now?"

Samuel watched him carefully, surprised as his change in subject and sudden interest. "He is nearing five."

Severus nodded and poured himself another drink. "Is he showing signs of magic?"

"He is. He likes to levitate."

"mm."

"He is excited at having a cousin."

"excuse me?" Severus frowned, wondering how that could be true what with Kingsley being dead.

"Remus and Sirius' new child is due any day now."

"Oh, yes, that."

"It is odd to think such normal things can carry on whilst our entire world is falling down."

Severus felt uncomfortable and so he poured himself another drink and cleared his throat.

"What happened to your wife?" he asked suddenly.

Samuel raised his eyebrows but decided to answer. "She left me for another man."

"Did you love her?"

"Very much so."

They both turned towards the door as they heard the front one slam. The sound of footsteps echoed and Remus walked into the room, his hair skewed and his cheeks flushed from the walk up to the castle. He went to Severus and pulled out two vials from his coat.

Severus took them and examined them carefully. "they are from my office?"

"they are."

He sniffed them and tested their consistency before knocking them both back.

"you have my thanks," he muttered finally, turning towards the both of them. They nodded and he walked towards the floo, taking a deep breath before stepping in and clearly speaking "Spinner's End."

He stepped out onto the rub by the fire and took a deep breath. He could already feel the effects of the potion taking place and he waited patiently. There was movement from above and Serena raced down the stairs, dressed in one of his black shirts with her wand drawn.

She stood, about two yards from him simply looking for a long moment, as though searching with her eyes for signs of injury. "you're okay?" she asked finally.

He smirked, "yes and you'd better get up them stairs you little minx before I carry you."

She laughed and blushed and skipped over to kiss him soundly, throwing her arms around his neck. He was glad for the extra pain potion and only felt a slight ache rather than the jolt her action would have caused.

"Someone's excited," she smirked, looking into his lust filled eyes.

"I've been thinking about you for too long, witch," he growled, kissing her again. Her smirk seemed to falter for a moment and he saw a flash of something unrecognisable in her eyes, but in a moment it was gone and she smiled, kissing him.

"Race you upstairs," she whispered, turning on her heel and scampering upstairs with Severus close behind her, his trousers straining uncomfortably tight.


	103. Chapter 102

**A/N: just like to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing, especially to those i can't reply to personally- thank you. your comments mean the world to me, i hope you enjoy this chapter :] **

Serena rolled over at the sound of her alarm the next morning to find the bed empty. She sat up slowly, covering herself with the duvet and listening carefully for any sign of Severus. A note had been scribbled and was sitting on her night stand.

_Gone to talk to Albus, _

_Your first class has been cancelled due to exams but your second begins at ten thirty. _

_Yours, S. _

Serena held his note tightly in her hand and thought about the night they had spent together and how many times he had made love to her so generously. She sniffed and pressed a hand to her mouth, but she could not stop the tears rolling down her cheeks.

She stood and walked into the bathroom, looking at herself in the mirror. Her tan from the previous summer was fading and her face looked pasty and unhealthy. Her thighs had started to get bigger, she had noticed and was trying desperately to do more exercise but she was always so busy! Her boobs weren't massive, but she'd always accepted that and Severus had never seemed to mind. In fact, he seemed to like them as they were… Her eyes eventually slid to the two disgusting scars stretching horribly across the front of her flat stomach and she hiccupped a sob before chewing on her bottom lip to try and control the tears that were threatening to spill. She took one last look at herself, before stepping into the shower and turning the water as hot as it would go, before scrubbing herself until she was red.

She opened the bathroom cabinet, reaching up automatically to pull out the potions she was obliged to take each morning. The first two were for her muscle spasms, a long term effect of the cruciatus curse. Severus brewed them for her and he took doses each morning for himself too. The third was a contraceptive and the forth was a potion she knew would not work. It was supposed to fade scarring, and although she had not seen any results yet, she still insisted on trying, despite Severus' protests that he didn't care about the marks. She padded slowly into their bedroom for her final potion, kneeling down and rifling through the back of her underwear draw. She pulled out the green bottle and stared at it for a moment before taking a swig and then replacing it in its hiding place. Severus did not know about this one. She did not take it everyday, in fact the last time she took it was over a year ago, but as Serena stared at her pale face in the bathroom mirror, she knew she could not get through the day without it.

She hurried down to her class, two hours later and began teaching her second years simple healing charms. Albus came in half way through her third lesson and asked for a private word in her office. She set her class some work and walked through to find him chuckling at a picture of her, Remus and Sirius at Christmas.

"What can I do for you, Albus?"

"I wondered simply if you would have a nightcap with me tonight?"

Serena raised her eyebrows at the old man. "and you could not make such a simple request by owl or elf?"

He chuckled, "I am looking for Severus."

"was he not with you this morning?"

"No, he was not."

Serena's head pounded as she tried to make sense of it all. He had left her a note- 'gone to see Albus', but where had he gone instead?

She saw Albus looking at her with a worried expression and she quickly corrected her features.

"I'm sure he's around Albus, perhaps wait in your office, he said he'd be going to see you some time today."

"Of course, of course. You are well, Serena?"

She saw a hint of concern behind his eyes and knew he knew something was not right. She smiled however and nodded, "of course, just tired."

"Indeed. I shall see you tonight, nine o clock?"

"I look forward to it."

He gave her a short bow and left, sweeping back through her classroom and out of sight. She took a few deep breaths before gaining the courage to go back out to her class and pretend as though nothing was wrong.

At five o clock, Serena walked down the Hogwarts drive and apparated to Spinner's End. There was no sign of Severus and she sneaked another mouthful of anti depressant before changing into muggle clothes. She tried not to think about why she chose a baggy hooded jumper or shapeless jogging bottoms.

She ran her finger along the spine of the books they kept in the spare room, mostly odd books that they'd only read once or twice. She pulled out her copy of '_Best Dressed Witches'_ and grabbed some marking to do, before flooing to Grimmauld Place.

Surprisingly, the kitchen was empty and she sat at the end of the great table, spreading her marking out before her and hiding her book secretly in her larger Charms textbook; _It's a Charmed Life by Hilary Tooling._ She flicked through the first few pages, looking at the beautiful women dressed in next-to-nothing, showing off their perfect legs and flat, flawless stomachs. When she had been a teenager she'd had no problem pulling men. She could sleep with whoever she wanted, if she wanted… before Kingsley, that is. He had changed her, made her see how special she was, how unique and that her body was not something to just give away to anyone. She had believed him. She had believed even more with Severus. He told her constantly how beautiful she was, how much she aroused him and brought him pleasure. After the Crouch incident he insisted every day that he loved her scars because they reminded him how brave she was… She believed him… she so wanted to believe him now… but he had changed, something had changed. And it tore her apart inside.

"Evening, Serena."

At the sound of Samuel's voice she looked at the clock, surprised to see she had been sitting there for over an hour, engrossed in her own thoughts.

"Where is everyone, Sam?"

"Max is upstairs helping Remus and Sirius assemble a baby cot. He's terribly excited about having a play mate, despite the fact I keep telling him the baby will be too young…"

She smiled sadly, and closed her book, hiding it discretely between some third year essays.

"might I join you?" he asked in his deep voice.

"Of course, of course."

He pulled a bottle of Firewhiskey from the cupboard, and set down two glasses.

"not for me, thanks," she said quickly. "I've taken some medication that does not agree with alcohol."

"are you okay?" he asked looking genuinely concerned.

"of course, just a headache… stress… I'm sure you know."

"I do." Serena studied his face carefully. He looked so much like Kingsley sometimes, when he frowned and his eyes would crinkle… it sent jolts through her heart every time, but then he would speak or smile and he would suddenly look so different from his brother.

"how is tonks?" she asked, clearing her throat as well as her mind.

Samuel smiled. "she is well, although no developments there, I am afraid… we decided we are better off as friends."

"since when?"

He shrugged, "Christmas. She has been seeing someone else from the Ministry, works in the quidditch division with Sirius or something."

"how do you feel about that?"

He shrugged again, taking a long sip of Firewhiskey. "no one wants the burden of a middle aged divorcee with a kid in tow. I don't care, Serena, I am happy."

She smiled, "good."

He drank his drink thoughtfully and then poured himself another. "Are you sure you are okay Serena-"

At that moment Max came running into the kitchen. "Daddy, Daddy guess what?" Samuel stood and scooped the little boy into his arms, lifting him high in the air before holding him tight for a hug.

"what is it Maxy?"

"Uncle Remus said that when I'm older I'll be able to teach the new baby magic! Like _real_ magic, like you do!"

"wow! Then you'd better get practising with your wand movements. Show Auntie Serena your _Wingardium Leviosa_."

"Look Auntie 'Reena!" he cried, doing a messy swish and flick in the air with his finger, a look of concentration on his face.

She clapped and smiled, "that was perfect Max."

He beamed at her and then wriggled to be put down.

"come on, little man, time to get you washed and in your pyjamas and then I'll read you a story, say goodnight to Serena."

"G'night Auntie 'Reena!"

"Goodnight baby," she smiled sadly, watching them disappear down the corridor together.

She eyed the bottle of Firewhiskey he had left on the table and shook her head. She looked around for a distraction and found one in the form of Sirius.

"what are you doing, sitting in my kitchen and drinking my Firewhiskey?" he teased.

"I haven't touched a drop," she sighed, folding her arms on the table and resting her head on them with a soft sigh. She felt fingers running through her hair lightly and then Sirius spoke quietly in her ear.

"are you alright?"

"I'm fine. Just tired."

"I can tell when you're lying," he murmured, kissing her cheek and pulling her up by the arm. She stood reluctantly as he looked into her eyes and frowned. She tried to look defiant and indifferent but after a moment her shoulders sagged and her eyes shut. She was pulled into a hug and she leant against him, wrapping her arms around his waist.

"can I ask you a question?" she asked as she pulled back.

"anything."

"you will answer it truthfully?"

"of course."

She opened her mouth and then snapped it shut, wringing her hands together and looking uncomfortable.

"just tell me," he smiled encouragingly.

"I… am I attractive, Sirius? I mean, physically am- I don't- I just-"

"hush, what's brought this on, you daft broom!"

She half laughed and shrugged hopelessly. "can you answer the question?"

"you're bloody gorgeous you fool! Don't you see the way blokes follow you around like a Puppy? Hell, I know it was a long time ago, but sometimes I shut my eyes and remember your body when we used to-"

"Sirius!" Serena exclaimed, blushing furiously.

He laughed and pulled her into another hug. "you're incredibly sexy."

"yes well you saw me before…everything… before my scars and marks and-"

"why would anyone care? What's brought this on? Is it Snape? What did he say?" Sirius looked at her closely and she shook her head, tears welling in her eyes.

"I'm just having one of those moments that's all. I'm sorry, Sirius."

"What's going on?" They span around at the sound of Remus' voice and Serena quickly swiped away her tears.

"We're just having a chat," she smiled, but Sirius frowned;

"Serena is upset. She has got it into her head that she's unattractive…"

"That's not what- I was just-"

"Serena, my sweet, come here."

She paused and then walked reluctantly into Remus' arms. He tightened his arms around her firmly and murmured quietly in her ear so that Sirius could not hear him. "Is there something you need to talk about?"

She nodded slightly and he kissed her temple gently.

"Padfoot, bugger off," he said, pulling Serena into the kitchen and getting her a glass of cold water.

"charming," Sirius muttered walking over to give Serena a brief kiss on the cheek. "if you need anything…"

She nodded and tried to smile. He left them two of them alone and Remus waited a few moments before speaking.

"how could you even think you are not attractive? Has Severus said something? Have you not been having sex?"

She blushed and took a sip of water. "we had sex last night. A lot."

"then how could you think such a thing?"

She sniffed and blinked her watery eyes. "Last night, when he came in, I kissed him and… and… I tasted lust potion, _lust potion Remus!_ Why would he do that! Am I not enough to arouse him! Am I not enough to get him fucking hard! He always told me how much he loves my looks and my body and how _lucky_ he is and now I find out he was fucking lying!" She was shouting now and she couldn't stop the sobs that wracked from her chest.

"maybe you were mistaken-" Remus hurried, a feeling of dread sinking into the pit of his stomach.

"I wasn't fucking mistaken! It was all I could feel from him! Lust! No love or feeling just lust! And it was proved by the fucking quickness of his erections and the amount of times we fucked…" she sobbed again and wiped the tears furiously from her eyes as she pulled at her hoodie violently. "Why am I so fucking ugly! So fucking detestable! So fucking spoilt and tainted by a murderer!"

Her shouting was stopped by Severus' firm, loud voice ringing out across the kitchen:

"Stop that fucking bullshit this minute."


	104. Chapter 103

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**A/N: sorry for the long wait!**

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"S-Severus."

"what the fuck are you thinking? What the fuck is going on in your mind Serena!" He stormed towards her, grabbing her arms roughly and pulling her away from Remus. "what the fuck are you saying! You are fucking gorgeous Serena! You're fucking beautiful! And then you come here and tell Remus about our fucking sex life and what else! Did I not fuck you right! Did I not give you fucking pleasure last night! Were you faking it!"

Serena couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks and the sobs escaping her gasps as Severus shook her roughly and shouted in her face.

She had a vague notion of Remus trying to intervene but she couldn't focus as her knees sagged and she had to grab the worktop to stay upright.

"I didn't say those things!" she cried. "I wouldn't say those things! It's not true! I love you! I can't help it! I'm sorry if I'm not fucking enough!"

"Who the fuck said you weren't enough!"

"you! You did when you took a fucking lust potion! I'll change my appearance, I'll lose weight! I'll-"

She paused when she realised both men had stopped struggling with one another and were standing there in the quiet, seemingly speechless.

"did you fucking tell her, wolf?"

Remus immediately flung his hands in the air in a sort of surrender. "I said nothing."

Severus looked in his eyes; his fists clenched mere inches from his face. When he was satisfied Remus was not lying he turned back to Serena.

"how do you know?"

"How the fuck does Remus know!" She cried, looking between the two of them accusingly.

"I was bound to secrecy, Serena-"

"you let me fucking rant on about how fucking shit I felt! About how he isn't attracted to me anymore and you _knew_ already! Why the fuck wouldn't you say! Why the fuck did you keep denying it when you knew it was true!"

"It is NOT fucking true!" Severus shouted, grabbing her arm again and pushing his face close to hers. His voice was low and almost threatening as he spoke to her rapidly. "you, Serena, are the most beautiful thing I have ever laid eyes upon and every day I look at you my heart skips a beat when I realise you are _mine_. I can't even think about your body without having a reaction and you should _know _this! You should never doubt my love-"

"love and attraction are two different things," she whispered, her bottom lip shaking.

"and for you I have both! _Both!_ And that will never change!"

"than why..?"

He sighed and rubbed his brow before turning to Remus who was leaning against the table looking pained.

Remus stood up straight and walked over to them. "Before going home to you last night, Severus arrived here. He was badly injured. Samuel and I patched him up just fine, but he did not want to upset you with such pain. He explained he had promised you…well he'd promised you er, a romantic night in, and he knew that you'd be able to feel his pain. So he took extra potions and added a lust one too, so that you would not be able to feel his pain and you would still get your night… we saw it as the only option. I would never consider that you could _taste_ the bloody thing."

As Remus finished his explanation, Severus sighed and walked slowly to the other side of the kitchen, running his hands through his hair.

"so you don't think I'm ugly?" Serena whispered, watching him.

He laughed a humourless laugh. "how could you think such a thing? I tell you everyday how beautiful you are-"

She bit her lip and let her eyes dart to Remus. "I'm so sorry."

Remus shook his head and looked between them. "I'd best see where Sirius is…"

She gave him a small smile and he left the room quickly.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered to Severus. "I\m so sorry…"

He turned and flew to her side, pulling his arms up around her tightly. "it was my own stupid mistake. I should do well not to hide things from you."

"Where were you hurt?"

"just my shoulder, it's fine now."

"May I see? Please?"

He paused and then nodded slowly, moving to sit on a chair by the table. He pulled down the side of his jumper and Serena gasped at the angry red scar, almost forming an oval. The lines stood up from his skin and she traced it with his fingertips. "How could I miss such a thing? Last night I didn't even notice..?"

"That is because my powers of deception kept you occupied…"

She smiled sadly and rested her head on his shoulder. "I am sorry I doubted you, I can't help it, I do try Severus, I really do…"

"do not fret, my little one, just please, do not doubt my attraction to you again. It is solid and immovable."

"Please do not hide your pain from me."

He inclined his head and pulled his jumper right again. He took her hand and moved her gently into his lap, letting her rest her head against his chest as he stroked her hair gently.

"where did you go this morning?" she asked suddenly.

"I went to see Albus," he said smoothly.

She stiffened and then nodded, squeezing her eyes shut for a brief moment.

"Severus-"

"I lied," he said abruptly. "I went to see if the man I cursed last night was dead."

She looked up into his tense face. "and?"

"he lived."

She looked relieved. "why did you curse him?"

"he shot a spell when my back was turned hence the shoulder."

"and why did he do that?"

"I would rather not disclose such information."

Serena nodded thoughtfully. "who was it?"

"Fenrir Greyback."

At this she looked up and smirked. "nice work."

He let out an unexpected chuckle. "masochist."

"realist," she corrected. "I'm glad you gave him some punishment then."

"indeed. He won't be laying a finger on anyone for a while."

She kissed his cheek and he turned his lips to meet hers in a gentle caress.

"I am sorry for using such a potion last night. Are you sore? I could get you a potion-"

"I'm fine," she smiled. "but I need to go and see Albus."

"have you not an hour to spare?" he murmured in a deep voice.

"perhaps an hour," she allowed with a small smile. "I want you to make love to me so much."

"was last night not-"

"that was fucking," she said quietly. "you once taught me the difference Severus and I've never forgotten it. Last night was pleasurable, but it was not love- for you it was a necessity, and after the potion a need. For me… it felt good and I wanted to please you, and I couldn't help but allow you to please me... but I had this feeling that it was not right…"

"we need to put it right then." He murmured, lifting her off him gently and taking her hand. He led her upstairs to their room and locked and warded the door before adding many silencing charms, just in case.

Serena was lying back on the bed and he reclined next to her, tracing a pattern down her arm lightly. "I love you," she murmured. He kissed her in response and soon they became lost in each other once again…

"Albus, I'm so sorry I'm late I was at Grimmauld Place and-"

"Dear child, it is not a problem, do not worry yourself."

She smiled and slid into her customary seat, looking at him expectantly.

"you look unwell, my dear," he said finally.

Serena spluttered, "thanks!"

He smiled but then his face grew serious once more. "Are you eating? Drinking enough water? Sleeping for long enough?"

"I think everyone is a tad stressed right now, Albus. Forgive me if I'm not looking presentable, I'll do my best to look-"

"You look beautiful, Serena. Just not healthy."

She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I'm fine."

"hmm," he said, leaning forward and looking piercingly into her eyes before pouring them both a drink of mulled wine.

"Did Severus come to find you today?" she asked, taking a sip.

"indeed he did, shortly after I left you actually."

"and? Did he talk about last night?"

"he did."

"Can you divulge such information to me?"

"Can you not ask him to tell you himself?"

"Albus, it pains him to remember such things and speak about them once. I am not cruel enough to make him do it twice."

Albus inclined his head and nodded thoughtfully. "A small celebration was held in Malfoy Manor. Severus had a disagreement with the werewolf Greyback, the one who escaped from Azkaban."

"I heard. Do you know what they argued over?"

"The life of a young girl," Albus sighed. "Severus thought he could spare her, save her perhaps, but Greyback slaughtered her."

Serena's face grew pale and her stomach clenched as though in knots. "Poor girl… poor Severus…"

"Indeed."

"Has his fight cost him favour with the Dark Lord?"

"It appears not. Lord Voldemort does not abide people who curse another wizard's turned back. Greyback was punished fittingly."

She nodded. "good… Do you think Severus would be safer and in higher favour if The Dark Lord knew he had a wife, Albus?"

The old man reclined into his great chair and thought for long moments before shaking his head. "no child, I would not wish you to be dragged into such a circle."

"I'm not talking about my safety, Albus, I am discussing his."

"Serena, you are just twenty four-"

"And Severus is just thirty six!"

"He is used to his life-"

"and I am used to the shit thrown at me. Please Albus, just answer the damn question." Serena could not help the glare on her face as she downed her drink and waved her wand at the bottle to pour herself a second.

"you think Severus would let you take such a risk?" Albus shook his head. "There is no guarantee, Serena. Look at Lucius- he has a pureblood wife, yet he is subjected to the same kind of physical, mental and sexual abuse that Severus is. Instead it is Narcissa who has to stand there and watch her husband be beaten, or pleasure another woman, or torture another man. You do not want such a thing."

Serena looked at him defiantly. "So you're saying it would not help him?"

"no, it would not," he said firmly. "it would probably cause more problems than solve them."

She nodded and then tipped back her drink. "I must go Albus, if you will excuse me, I have an early start tomorrow."

He stood up and showed her to the door.

"I am sorry for being abrupt with you, Serena, but I can't even consider the possibility of putting you into such danger…"

She looked up into his sparkling blue eyes to find them wet and full of love. She gave a sad smile and kissed him softly on the cheek before leaving him alone in his office to ponder his thoughts.


	105. Chapter 104

**A/N: hello everyone! phew. this past week has been a nightmare. due to an error on hardly any HP stories have been able to update and many of us are sitting on chapters, trying desperately to upload. I have been sitting here, pressing the refresh button for days now trying to get it to work, but no hope until now. If you're having the same porblem- try changing the word 'property' to 'content' in the URL! dreadfully sorry for the delay, hope you enjoy-**

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**"I can't believe she's so small…" Serena whispered, as Remus held the sleeping baby in his arms.

"nor so beautiful," Samuel murmured, squeezing Sirius' shoulder.

"She is perfect," Sirius smiled, wrapping his arms around Remus' waist and gazing down at their little girl.

"do you have a name?" Molly asked, sniffing away her tears.

"we do…" Remus beamed, unable to take his eyes from their baby. "Meet Lavinia: Lavinia Lupin-Black."

There were croons as they all tested out the name and then smiled as it suited her perfectly. Remus passed the baby to Molly and she was handed around all the adults gathered in the kitchen as Sirius and Remus watched with proud smiles.

When the baby finally arrived at Serena, she shook her head. "I've never held a child before I don't think-"

"hush, don't be ridiculous," Remus murmured, taking the baby from Arthur and showing Serena how to hold her. "Look your arms like this… that's right… now support her head with the blanket… yes… there… perfect."

Serena's eyes filled with tears as she held the tiny thing in her arms and rocked slowly back and to. "I can't believe she's yours…" she whispered, gazing into Remus' sparkling eyes.

"me neither," he admitted, stroking the tiny tuft of brown hair on the top of Lavinia's head.

"Do you want to hold her, Severus?" Serena asked quietly, turning to where he was sulking at the back of the room, a beer in his hand.

He scowled at her but Molly cut him off. "Oh Severus you simply must-"

"don't be bloody ridiculous Molly," he snapped. "why in hell would I want to?"

Serena's gasp was heard by no one as she bit her bottom lip and tried to think reasonably. Of course Severus didn't like babies, especially not Remus and Sirius', but when their time came- when the war was over… he would be different, she was sure of it.

"Actually," Remus intervened, "we wanted to ask you and Serena something, and Molly and Arthur too." Sirius wandered across and took Remus' hand.

"we want you to be her godparents," he finished.

Severus snorted, thumped the beer on the table and shook his head, walking towards the floo. "hilarious, Lupin, you do amuse me."

"we do not jest, Severus."

"then the answer is no," Severus snapped. "no we bloody well won't. Get the Weasley's and get someone else, we are not. Serena, put it down, we're leaving."

Serena blinked back her tears as she handed the baby to Molly, muttering apologies mindlessly, her cheeks turning red from humiliation.

"Not to worry dear… I'm sure he'll come around… maybe when he's not been drinking…" Serena's mind was in a haze as wiped her tears briskly and walked towards Severus who was scowling at Sirius angrily. He grabbed her arm roughly and shoved her into the floo, stepping in behind her and muttering the destination.

As they burst through the floo into the living room at Spinner's End, Serena shrugged out of his grasp and glared at him, her face still blushed red from his words.

"what are you playing at?" She began, raising her arms in exasperation.

"Nothing, we had to leave, I remembered there's a potion I need to finish," he muttered.

"and me? Dragging me out like that? You humiliated me Severus! In front of my friends!"

He scoffed, "I doubt they even noticed- they had eyes for nothing but that fucking _baby_."

There was a long pause and Serena gulped at the lump in her throat. "If they want me to be Godmother I am not going to say no."

"of course you're going to fucking say no. Don't be ridiculous Serena, you can't be a bloody Godmother, you can barely handle things at the fucking moment."

"I'm handling things fine," she snapped. "Do you not think of the reason they ask? They need to know that if anything happens, their child will be left in good hands."

Severus laughed humourlessly. "ah yes, and we'd be perfect. A death eater and a woman with the worst history a person could imagine."

"you'd be wonderful," she said indignantly.

"oh fucking stop!" he suddenly shouted. "stop trying to put all this fucking stuff on my fucking back! Do you not think I've already got enough kids on my conscience! That I've already got the whole school to protect! That I already have a vow to protect a kid of the man I hated! I don't need to protect Black's fucking kid too!"

There was a long pause and Serena bit her lip, her eyes welling with tears. "I'm sorry," she whispered finally. "I didn't think… I was selfish in my thoughts…"

Severus was quiet for a moment. He hadn't thought she would give in so easily, and he hadn't meant to make her feel so guilty, but knowing he had such power over her made that evil part of him clench with excitement.

He walked over to her slowly and a lifted a small blond curl of hair from her face, tucking it behind her ear. She shut her eyes briefly as his knuckle rubbed softly against her cheek and he felt the breath of her soft sigh upon the back of his hand.

"Do not worry," he said quietly. "I do not expect your every thought to be tailored to me."

"yet my every thought most definitely is," she said softly.

He placed a hand to the back of her head and pulled her gently against his chest. She leant on him simply and he stroked her hair as her eyes drifted closed and she let herself be held. "I must return to the castle, I have a meeting with Albus" he said eventually. "I do not want you to return to Grimmauld Place tonight."

Serena wanted to argue with his command but she remembered she already owed him and so she nodded her compliance. "I will go to my office at Hogwarts later on and study for a while. Are we sleeping in you chambers tonight?"

"yes." He kissed her forehead gently and smoothed out his robes, stepping back from her. He couldn't help the smirk on his face at her submissive mood. His smirk increased as he saw his necklace glittering from under her t shirt, and his eyes grazed over his possession before he span away back to Hogwarts.

Serena sighed and sat down on the sofa heavily. She had been so foolish not to think of the responsibilities that Severus already had, yet she still could not decide whether to take up Remus and Sirius' request herself. She had been so overwhelmed when they had asked her, she so wanted to protect tiny little Lavinia, to be named Godmother, but she did not want to offend Severus.

An hour later, as she lay curled up on the sofa with a hot chocolate and a book on healing spells, the floo activated and Remus stepped through. He gave her a small smile as he dusted off his robe. "Is Severus here?" he asked her quietly, glancing around the dark room.

"he is not, but he may return in an hour or so." She shifted up and he sat next to her, taking the book from her hands and inspecting her face closely.

"What happened when you left?"

She shrugged. "we had a row about responsibilities and I realised how in the wrong I was…"

"In the wrong? In the wrong? Serena he dragged you out of their like you were a fucking child! I could see how upset you were! He was rude and violent-"

"and I was selfish and blind!"

Remus sighed. "do you not want to be Godmother to my baby?"

"Of course I do! I am so honoured and proud and overwhelmed that you even asked Remus! I can't believe you would trust me with something so precious."

"I would put my life in your hands Serena, you know this."

She was silent for a moment and then she nodded. "I would love to be Godmother, thank you."

"And Severus?"

"He refuses, and he will be angry I have agreed, but I could not refuse such a heart warming responsibility."

He smiled and hugged her gently. "I must return, Sirius is still struggling with nappy changes…"

"Lovely," she laughed. "I shall be around tomorrow, no doubt, to croon over the wee thing."

"I imagine I shall be joining you. Good night, Serena."

"Night Remus."

When he had left Serena changed into her robes and glanced at the clock. It was nine o' clock and she had an appointment to keep. The walk up the Hogwarts drive was pleasant in the warm spring air and she met no one as she walked to her classroom to meet Harry Potter.

"Harry you're not trying hard enough, I'm sorry, but if even I can break into your mind then you'll have no chance against The Dark Lord!" Serena rubbed her brow as she looked at the boy leaning against the wall for support. His hair was plastered to his face from sweat and his glasses had slipped down his nose. She pushed her own hair out of her eyes and took controlled breaths to try and stop her panting. It was not only Harry that was trying hard.

"we'll take a ten minute break," she said, trying to give him a reassuring smile. She tucked her wand into her sleeve and stepped outside her classroom and shut the door behind her. She sighed and pressed her hot forehead against the cool stone. Over the past fortnight she had secretly been reading Severus' books on Legilimency. She had thought it would be easier than occlumency but now she was not so sure. She remembered her lessons with Severus in her first year at Hogwarts, how he would be so forceful and powerful with her and how she determinedly managed to block him out and let him find the solution to her elementarial problems.

She had thought it was her doing the hard bit, but now she had come to appreciate just how talented and skilful Severus actually was. Albus had conveniently decided to hold meetings with Severus once a week and so Serena had taken the opportunity to give Harry his occlumency lessons. It was their second encounter and Serena was starting to see a tiny improvement in the boy, but only when he was fully concentrating. She sighed and pulled her hair back into a short ponytail, securing it with pins and moving her fringe from her face. She stepped back into the room. Harry was sitting on a desk, levitating a text book around the room. He ended the spell and turned to her.

"I'm ready for another go."

"okay, sure?"

He nodded confidently and she pointed her wand between his eyes, concentrated fiercely and muttered the spell. "_legilimens!" _His barrier was strong, stronger than she'd ever seen it and it was using all her concentration to fight him. She stared deep into his green eyes, her face contorted with frustration as she tried to weaken his defences. Two minutes was all she could last and she pulled her wand away, panting and clutching her chest.

"shit you did it! Well done!"

He laughed and nodded, taking deep breaths himself. After they were both calmed she gestured to a seat at her desk and drew one up next to him, sitting cross legged on it and facing him.

"that was excellent. What gave you such motivation?"

Harry was silent for a moment, twirling his wand between his fingers before he looked up and pierced her with his bright eyes. "Snape doesn't know you're helping me, does he?"

Serena narrowed her eyes at him as she decided whether to scold him for asking such a personal question or whether to answer him truthfully.

In the end she sighed and shook her head. "I did not think telling him would be a good idea."

"I didn't think you had. That's what I realised then, when you went outside, I realised you were sort of taking a pretty big risk, helping me like this."

She gave a curt nod and watched him closely.

"I am grateful."

"I'm not enough," she sighed. "I can't get into your mind because I am not strong enough. I am practised in occlumency, not legilimency, Harry."

"what do you think we should do?"

"you need to keep practising on your own and we'll continue with our lessons, I guess I should keep practising too."

"why can't Dumbledore teach me?" he said abruptly.

She gave him a grimace. "Albus is busy; he has Umbridge trying to get him sacked, the Ministry and countless parents on his back, never mind the war and the Dark Lord."

"Why do you call him the Dark Lord? I've only ever heard Death Eaters call him that."

"you know if I were a strict professor I probably would have thrown you out for asking such a straightforward and possibly insulting question."

Harry immediately went to speak but then spotted the smile on her face and he relaxed again, giving a shy smile.

She laughed softly. "Perhaps because my parents used to call him that, I do not know. It has stuck with me anyhow. People forget that if you have a Dark Mark, calling him by his 'other' name hurts the person with the mark."

Harry nodded, looking at the floor.

"How old are you now, Harry?"

He looked up at her surprisingly simple question.

"fifteen, Professor."

"hmm."

"is there a reason for you asking?"

She sighed and shook her head, "no Harry, I was just considering the effects of the war. Anyway, you should leave, you don't want to be caught out after hours."

She walked him to the door, "thank you, Professor."

"Sweet Dreams, Harry."

When he had gone she packed up her Legilimency books and hid them in her desk draw. She picked up her cloak and made her way down to Severus' office, slipping into his rooms and getting ready for bed. It was half past eleven when he arrived back and his mood looked stern.

She was lying in their bed on her side, her head resting gently on her hands as she heard the sound of his boots and he walked in. He looked at her form as he undressed and took off his shoes. When he was wearing just black boxers and a black t shirt he placed his wand under his pillow and looked down at his resting wife. Serena felt the bed sag behind her as he climbed on and moulded his body to hers, her buttocks resting nicely in his crotch. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her bare shoulder.

"Good night," she whispered, kissing his hand and letting herself drift off to sleep.


	106. Chapter 105

"They've only had the bloody baby for two weeks and they're already trying to fob it off on someone else," Severus spat, pacing around the living room at Spinner's End.

"Severus, they just want to go out for a quiet meal, neither of them have stopped rushing round this last fortnight, they deserve a break." Serena played with the fabric of a cushion as she sat on their sofa and watched him almost nervously.

"well why don't they ask the fucking Weasleys?"

"They've gone to visit Charlie in Romania, you know this," she sighed. "You don't even have to be here, you can go somewhere else I don't care. I've said yes anyway so this argument is pointless."

"I don't like you making decisions behind my back," he growled.

"I did not make it behind your back," she glared. "It was my decision anyway and I don't have to confer with you on every little thing!"

"you are my wife!"

"exactly! Your wife, not your damned house elf!"

"Are you suggesting I treat you like a-"

"I suggested nothing," she said quietly, standing up and giving him a warning look. "I think you should go out, Remus will be bringing Lavinia any moment now and I don't want all your bad energy around her."

Severus scoffed, "bad energy? You must be joking!"

"no, I am not," she said through gritted teeth. "babies pick up on these things, and I'm sure if you stopped and thought about it you probably picked up on it as a child too, just like I did."

There was a long pause. Severus looked at the determination and sadness in Serena's brown eyes and realised she needed to feel involved in this baby's life. She needed to influence it so that she could be sure it would not have a childhood like her own. She was protecting it from him because she thought he might act like her father- hating her existence from the moment she was born.

"I shall stay," he muttered quietly. "but I do not want her near me, understood?"

She looked puzzled at his sudden change in demeanour but then she nodded. "thank you."

He pulled her into a gentle hug and kissed her temple. "I will be in my office, I have marking to do."

"Marking? It's the Easter break!"

"That does not mean I can not demand essays by owl," he smirked, giving her another light kiss and walking into his office, shutting the door behind him.

She smiled after him and went into the kitchen to find Maisie cleaning away their plates from dinner.

"Maisie who said you had to do that?"

"Master Severus is saying, Miss," she squeaked, looking delighted at the work she was doing.

Serena sighed, "very well, when you have finished, please return to Hogwarts."

"yes miss! I is just finishing miss!" The little elf sent the plates flying into their correct cupboards before she vanished with a 'pop'.

Serena heard the floo activate in the living room and she went to meet Remus, who was holding a tiny, sleeping Lavinia in his arms. He passed her to Serena gently and placed a large bag on the floor.

"There is a changing mat in there with those magical nappies that will light up if she needs changing. And there's two bottle of milk in the side pocket because she'll need feeding in an hour. Listen, Serena. Thank you so much, if she's any trouble at all, just send me a patronus or something, and if she keeps crying, there's a self assembling cot in there too, just lie her in there and we'll get here as quickly as we can."

"There will be no need, she is fine with us, you do not need to worry.'

"Well we'll try to be quick-"

"nonsense," she smiled. "have a nice relaxing meal and then some bouts of furious sex, which I'm sure neither of you have had time for these past two weeks."

Remus blushed and she laughed softly. "have fun, Remus, and don't worry about a thing."

"Gosh I love you," he smiled, kissing her cheek. He leant down and kissed Lavinia gently on the forehead and then stepped back through the floo. Serena sat down carefully on the sofa, keeping Lavinia held securely in her arms. She was wearing the pink baby grow that Serena had bought her and was wrapped in a pink blanket that had stars knitted into it- most definitely a present from Molly.

Severus sat behind his desk, staring unseeingly at the pile of essays he had to mark. He had heard Remus come and go and he was itching to take a look at Serena. Was she happy? With a child? Did she want a child of her own? Did _he_ want a child? No. That thought was ridiculous. There was no way their circumstances would allow such a thing right in the middle of a bloody war there was no chance of him surviving. He cursed himself inwardly for allowing these thoughts to escape the locked box in the back of his mind. He stood up from his chair and moved to the door, opening it and walked stealthily to the living room entrance. Serena was sitting on the sofa, the baby in her arms. She was staring down at her with such a loving expression, murmuring nursery rhymes under her breath and smiling as the baby clenched her finger in one tiny fist.

She looked up when she sensed his presence and smiled at him. "come closer," she whispered.

He didn't move, no matter how much he wanted to.

"please?" she was almost begging him now.

He took a step into the room, and then another, and eventually sat in his chair, watching the baby warily.

"it's sort of amazing, don't you think?" she murmured. "the way this little beauty grew _inside_ someone."

Severus said nothing.

"I mean, can you imagine it? Watching someone's stomach grow bigger and bigger because there was a person growing inside of them?"

Severus stiffened. He could picture it in his mind- the swell of Serena's stomach as _his_ baby grew inside her: the ultimate mark of possession.

"I don't think it is healthy for you to be around her," he said finally.

She frowned, "why do you say that?"

"It will make you… it will make you want one too…"

Serena laughed, shaking her head. "I'm only twenty four! What are you trying to say! I had hoped to have a career and some sort of life first."

He was speechless. He had not expected that response.

"Do _you_ want one?" She asked suspiciously.

"Of course not, woman," he snapped a little harsher than he intended. "I was just ensuring you were not deluding yourself."

She gave him a curious look and then turned her attention to the little baby again. "Will you hold her for a moment whilst I go to the bathroom?"

He snorted. "no."

"Severus, I need to go to the bathroom, I need you to hold her."

"Put her in the cot."

"She will cry if she goes in there, all I'm asking you to do is hold her."

"I have marking to do," he said abruptly, standing up.

She looked devastated and he swore he saw the glitter of tears in her eyes before she blinked them back and asked him once last time. "please?"

How could he resist those eyes? He'd never been able to, not once before, not when they looked at him so wonderfully.

"I will hold her for a minute and then I have marking to do."

The smile she gave him made his stomach flutter and he sat next to her on the sofa, holding his arms out awkwardly.

"Like you're holding a quaffle," she smiled. "yes, that's right… now her head… perfect…" Severus sat stiffly, looking very uncomfortable as she stood up and smiled down at them. "hurry up," he muttered.

When he was sure she had gone, he glanced down at the little baby in his arms. At least she didn't look like Lupin or Black… She had dark blue eyes and she was staring up at him unblinkingly.

"what?" he muttered, looking around to check Serena wasn't watching him.

The baby lifted up a tiny fat fist and grabbed his nose. He pulled away from her grasp and glared down at her. "hilarious," he muttered. She was still trying to reach his nose when Serena returned.

"no, no you can hold her for a while if you like?" she insisted as he immediately stood and tried to give her the baby.

"no, she vexes me." He put her in Serena's arms and retreated back to his office, rubbing his nose as he went.

"what did you do, you little minx?" she murmured to Lavinia. "I think he likes you."


	107. Chapter 106

**Hello Everyone! I need to apologise for the immense wait for this chapter and its pitiful length, i'm so sorry, my life is incredibly hectic at this time and i'm struggling to find time to write. I hope you enjoy it, i shall update again asap. **

**I will also try to respond to reviews and messages as soon as i can! I thank you for everyone single one, they mean so much to me and give me motivation and added enthusiasm. Thanks for being so patient. Best Snapey Wishes xxx**

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Severus and Serena had decided to spend their Easter holidays at Hogwarts, despite Dolores Umbridge roaming the halls.

"and the way she treated poor Sybil," Serena said, shaking her head in disgust. "How the bloody hell can the Minister agree with her methods?" She looked over at Severus' figure sitting on her sofa. "Severus? Hello? Am I talking to myself?"

Severus looked up from his paper and raised his eyebrows at her. "I merely assumed the question was rhetorical."

"Well you could at least join in on the conversation! And do you know someone's put another bloody niffler in her room?"

"I am aware; however it is no member of my house and therefore none of my concern."

"How do you know it is none of your house?"

Severus sighed and folded his paper away, looking up at his wife who was leaning against the door in her living room, wearing nothing but his black shirt. He tossed the paper to the side and gave her a smirk. "We are Slytherins, my sweet, we are powerful and cunning, we would not do something as _Hufflepuff_ as putting a niffler into her office. As I am sure you are aware, my house are rather taken with the woman."

"Yes and it disgusts me," she scowled. "how they can turn on their fellow students so easily. I mean what the fucking hell is this _Inquisitorial Squad_! House rivalry is fair enough Severus, but this is getting sick!"

"They are making the best of the situation," he shrugged, standing up from the sofa and moving closer to her. He lifted her chin with a gentle finger and looked deep into her warm brown eyes. "Sometimes it is hard for me to remember you did not attend Hogwarts… that you have no house… you do not understand it as well as those on the inside."

She stared defiantly at him for a moment before shrugging indifferently. "perhaps I was better off not coming here."

"I doubt that," he murmured, seeing the sadness lingering in her eyes. He brushed her cherry lips with his thumb softly. "At the end of the year she shall be gone, it is not that far away, we can all cope until then."

"how can you be so sure? What if they just move her to another department?"

"I am sure," he reassured her, giving her lips a tender brush with his own. "don't let this stress you out too."

"I'm not stressed," she muttered, staring at his chest unseeingly.

"no? Then this tension I feel in your shoulder, this crease on your brow…" he brushed her forehead gently with his fingertips and then kissed her there tenderly. "are these not signs of your stress? Of your worry?"

She sighed and rested her head gently against his chest. "I am fine, I'm no more stressed than anyone else."

He stroked his hands through her hair and kissed her temple softly. "Are you continuing to take all your potions?"

"of course I am."

"good. Perhaps I shall brew you a potion later on, just to relax you for tonight."

She smiled and kissed him softly on the lips. "I love you," she murmured.

"I know, little one, I know."

Serena's eyes closed in contentment as she let him hold her securely. At that moment a screeching noise interrupted them and a brown tawny old landed on the window sill outside. "Gosh that's a handsome owl," Serena smiled, walking to open the window to the huge bird.

"It's from the owl office I think," Severus said, sitting down and picking up his paper again. "is it anything interesting?"

Serena gave the owl a treat and took the envelope from around the bird's leg. It took off straight away with a soft hoot, soaring back over the green lawns of Hogwarts.

Serena shut the window and turned her attention to the letter. Her name was scribbled on the front in unrecognisable capital letters. She opened it up and pulled out the card from within. "It's a postcard!" she exclaimed, looking at the moving picture on the front. It depicted many shops and people bustling from place to place. Her eyes glanced over the white swirly writing as she recognised the place. _Welcome to Hogsmeade_.

She turned it over in her hand and found it blank.

"It's sent from Hogsmeade," she said frowning, turning it over again and trying to see if there was any writing concealed any how. "But it's blank, it doesn't say who it's from."

As soon as she had said the word 'from' black capital letters appeared in the white space. Two words. Two words that made Serena's heart stop. Two words that made her blood run cold. Two words which, as she whispered them out loud, triggered something inside the seemingly harmless postcard, as it slipped form her grasp and began slicing her hands with vicious little paper cuts. "Severus!" she screamed as it sliced open her hands, blood splattering as she batted at it and tried to protect herself, slamming back into the wall as she tried to run away. In a bang and a flash of light the postcard dropped to the floor unmoving and Severus was at her side.

She knew he was there, knew he was talking to her but she couldn't understand his muffled words. Her hands were stinging painfully and her chest felt constricted; she couldn't breathe. Panic swirled around her, she was overwhelmed by fear as those two words pounded to the beat of her heart: _From Daddy. _


	108. Chapter 107

**Enjoy! :)**

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Serena fainted. In a moment Severus managed to catch her head just before she smacked the hard, unforgiving floor, to which he lowered her gently. He drew his wand and took her bloody hands in his own. A quick diagnostic spell showed him that there was no dark magic involved and he healed them with a silent charm. He ran his fingers over the red raw palms of her hands and shut his eyes briefly. Why her? Why her all the damn time? And why could he never stop it _before_ it happened?

He turned his attention towards the postcard, the two scrawled words on the back made him freeze. Her Father was here- in Hogsmeade- and he had dared to try and attack his daughter. The rage boiled inside Severus and he growled, sho

ving the damned thing into his pocket as he scooped up Serena and marched towards the door with her limp body in his arms. He needed to get Serena somewhere comfortable, and he needed Albus urgently.

He was glad it was the Holidays and luckily he saw no students as he carried her up to the hospital wing, trying not to remember the times where he had done such before… the time where he had realised he loved her… and when he had carried her broken, beaten and abused body…

He was at the foot of the staircase to the hospital wing when he heard raised voices and a loud scuffle. He adjusted Serena's body and slipped into a hidden alcove along the corridor, listening intently. "The evidence is damming Minister! Yes the whole lot of them! Exactly! Our suspicions were correct!" The shrill voice of Dolores Umbridge carried along the corridor towards Albus' office. He could hear a few more people talking followed by a loud shout. He shifted Serena and drew his wand, thinking quickly. He needed to get her to the hospital wing but Umbridge was up to something. His mind whirled as he tried to prioritise his actions when it suddenly sprung to his mind.

"Maisie!"

In a loud CRACK the little elf appeared, looking positively gleaming at having been summoned. Her wide little eyes fell on Serena and her ears drooped.

"Is Mistress okay, Master?"

"Maisie, I need you to take Serena to the hospital wing and tell Poppy to check her over then let her rest. Do not allow her to wake up without me, understand?"

"yes Master!" She reached out a bony hand and took Serena, disapparating them both with another loud crack.

Serena's fingers twitched.

"_no point tryin' to move darlin' you aint going no where!" the man laughed manically. Serena looked down at her hands. They were tied down, fastened to the bed, along with her legs. She looked at the man leering over her and tried to speak, tried to beg, but she could not. She couldn't even breathe. She tried to gasp, tried to get air in her lungs, but there was no air, no way of breathing, no escape. Her chest grew tight, her eyes rolled and there was darkness. _

"Serena, come back to me, it's okay, nothing can harm you, he's gone, he's not here, you're safe."

Serena's eyes flickered open and she shot up from the bed, checking her wrists and feet for binds, rubbing the invisible bonds that she was so sure were there.

"look at me."

She couldn't disobey him. Her wide brown eyes met the black ones and she breathed in a deep gulp of air.

"Severus."

He shifted closer to her from where he was perched on the end of her bed, and cupped her face between his hands firmly.

"Serena I need you to listen to me and concentrate on my words okay? Something has happened and I need you to be strong for me, little one, okay?"

Serena swallowed and nodded, unsettled by Severus' serious words.

"Your Father is not in Hogsmeade any longer, I have had Order members checking. We can't find him, but Aberforth is keeping an eye out. Now listen, I need you to stop worrying about him, drop him from your mind, you are safe. Now listen, Albus is gone-"

"What do you mean?" She blurted, searching his face suddenly.

"He has fled the school. Umbridge has found out about the group of students, the ones who called themselves Dumbledore's Army. She dragged the Minister in, insisted it was proof that Albus was building his army against the Ministry and decided to arrest him-"

"But that's preposterous-"

"I know, my sweet, hush and listen. Anyway, they wanted to expel Potter, but Albus said it was his idea and agreed with the Minister in order to protect the fucking boy. They were going to arrest him but he grabbed Fawkes and disapparated. I don't know where he is, he has sent no news to anyone as of yet."

"When was this?"

"About an hour ago. We're having a meeting, immediately, at Headquarters, we need to leave now. Are you okay?"

Serena looked down at her hands and looked around her seeming dazed. "I… yes, of course I… He's really run away?"

Severus sighed and stroked her cheek. "He had no choice. Do not fret, he will be fine. Now let's go, can you stand?"

He held out his arm to her and helped her stand up. "I'm fine, really." She gave him a brave smile and gave his hand a squeeze. "let's go."

"Do you think Albus will be at Headquarters?" she asked, having to jog along the lawn to keep up with his long determined strides.

"I do not know," he muttered, glancing back towards the castle.

"but if he's on the run from the Ministry, surely Headquarters is the perfect place to go-"

"I don't know, Serena," he said a little more firmly.

"But-"

"Serena!" he snapped, stopping and grabbing her arm, pulling her roughly to him. "I do not know where he is, okay?"

She bit her lip and gave a small nod, turning to continue walking.

Severus sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose with two fingers, before hurrying to catch her up.

"I spoke harshly," he allowed, glancing at her young face.

"I'm sorry," she said, "for asking questions I know you cannot answer."

"I understand…"

"I feel… I don't know, as if… as though something is missing? Does that make sense? It's just that if I think 'where's Albus', he's either in the castle or at the Ministry and now he's nowhere? Instead he's on the run from the authorities? They have an arrest warrant? Will there be dementors after him too? What if they get him Severus?"

"This is Albus, he won't be stopped by Fudge and his minions. Stop fretting. Here, take my arm, I'll take you side-along apparition, I don't need any more problems in case you accidentally splinch yourself."

She took his arm without arguing but as they approached the castle boundary she hesitated.

Severus seemed to know, as he always did, what she was worried of and he gave her a rare gentle smile. "You are safe with me Serena. Your Father cannot hurt you whilst I am around."

She nodded and looked at the floor. "I don't know when I became some jumpy and nervous… but even… even passing the castle boundaries makes me feel queasy…"

"We shall step through together and we shall apparate immediately, okay? And tonight we have many things we need to speak about."

She gave a small nod and took a deep breath, crossing through the gates in two long strides. She barely had time to feel the protective magic leaving her before Severus span neatly on the spot and disapparated them away.

"Is he here?" were the first words that spilled from Serena's mouth as she took the crying baby from Sirius and bounced her around playfully.

"no," was Sirius' grim reply. "are you okay? Samuel and I have been searching Hogsmeade for your Father? Snape said he sent something that tried to hurt you, what's happened?"

"He sent me a postcard… from Hogsmeade…" she said, swallowing the lump in her throat. "It tried to cut up my hands… I can't believe he was _here_ outside the fucking castle!"

"no swearing around Vinny!" Remus' voice called as he hurried across the hall to meet her.

She smiled at the baby's new nickname. "Vinny now is it little one?" she murmured, rocking her back and forth. "I am very sorry for swearing little Vinny, although with your two parents I don't think you'll be able to get past five years old without being aware of their foul mouths."

Sirius chuckled and stroked a finger across the baby's soft face. "She's grown so much in the past month, five years doesn't seem so far off suddenly."

Serena smiled, "you'd better stop swearing too then."

Sirius took Vinny from her and carried her up the stairs for her nap. "The meeting is starting!" Arthur Weasley called from downstairs in the kitchen.

"coming now, Arthur," Remus called. Before Serena could move towards the stairs he held out an arm to stop her. "how are you feeling?"

Serena shrugged.

"In words, please?"

She sighed and leant against the wall. "just shaken up I guess… it hasn't even sunk in yet, what with Albus suddenly disappearing off the map… where is he Remus! This is Albus! The one we all need, the one we rely on! And suddenly he's gone! And he's given us no way to contact us!"

Remus pulled her into a hug and held her tightly, resting his chin on her head gently. "it'll be okay, my sweet. Don't you worry."

"If you're quite finished touching my wife, Lupin, the meeting is about to start and we're waiting for you both."

Remus jumped and sprung away from Serena, blushing slightly at Severus' snapped words.

Serena scowled at him. "Severus don't-" She was surprised when it was Remus who interrupted her:

"Severus, if you object to me hugging Serena then maybe we should go and talk about it outside-"

Severus' fingers flinched towards his wand as Serena jumped in between them both, her hands outstretched. "Fucking stop it this minute! You guys are supposed to be friends!"

"Then Severus needs to keep his jealousness away from me. I don't have time for his remarks. If I want to comfort my friend then I should be allowed without him looming over me."

Remus pushed past a stony Severus and disappeared down the stairs into the kitchen. Serena glared at Severus and made to follow him, but Severus grabbed her. "I have no quarrel with Remus."

"Then what the fuck was that?"

Severus sighed and rubbed his brow. "I am stressed and tired right now Serena, I… I thought his hands were… I… I saw wrongly…"

Serena regarded him with soft eyes, aware how difficult it was for him to admit being wrong. "You need to apologise to him," she muttered finally, side stepping him and hurrying into the kitchen. The meeting had started and she joined Remus in the kitchen. Severus walked in a split moment later and she watched as his eyes flickered between them. His lips tightened but other than that nothing betrayed any signs of discomfort as he stood next to Remus.

"I appreciate you looking out for my wife," he muttered in a low voice, just loud enough for Remus to hear.

Remus nodded and they were fine again. Serena rolled her eyes at the two of them and then turned her attention to Minerva who was sitting on the big table.

"I assume Albus will send us some form of contact as soon as he is able, he would not leave us in the lurch like this," she said in her calm Scottish accent. "And if he were here, he would advise us to stop nattering about him and to start working out what we're going to do with Umbridge. She has the Minister there already trying to draw up the contract for her to be Headmistress."

"But surely _you _should be Headmistress," Serena interrupted. "I mean, you are deputy! She's only been there nine fucking months!"

"Indeed," Minerva said curtly. "however that is neither here nor there if you are the Minister's Senior Undersecretary and Inquisitor and whatever else she's decided to call herself."

"Can't we just kill her?" Sirius said, shrugging when everyone turned to look at him. "Come on, don't tell me it hasn't crossed your minds. She's a muggleborn and half breed hater. She's trying to implement the values that Voldemort agrees with. It won't be long before she's joined him, if she hasn't already of course-"

"It is not our place to kill the woman," Arthur interrupted.

"We're a secret organisation, fighting Voldemort, so isn't it our job to eliminate any future threats to society?"

"Can we stop using that name please," Serena muttered. Everyone's gaze flickered to her and then across to Severus before hastily looking away. Severus was clenching his fists tightly, his knuckles white as he tried not to think about the flaring pain in his forearm every time someone mentioned that blasted name.

Serena wanted badly to take Severus' hand, but with Remus in between them it was impossible. She moved to the other side of the kitchen on the pretence of pouring herself a glass of water, suddenly noticing how sore her palms were as she clenched the glass. She took a sip before moving casually back to stand next to Severus. She slipped her finger to his clenched fist and gently coaxed him into relaxing so that she could link their fingers and give him a reassuring squeeze.

He stared straight ahead at Arthur who was now walking, but she saw the lines in his forehead soften and knew he appreciated her comment.

"We just need to be diligent. Protect the students as much as possible. If Albus is correct then she will be gone form Hogwarts by the end of the school year, just a few months left."

"We need to return to the school," Minerva said, looking at Severus and Serena as she stood up. "If you hear any news from Albus floo me immediately. Good night everyone."

Severus and Serena followed her upstairs and they apparated back to Hogwarts together, ready for the following sleepless nights and weeks of stress.


	109. Chapter 108

**A/N: Would like to say a massive thank you for all the reviews recently! Hello to new readers! I'm sorry for my lack of routine in posting, life's a tad hectic right now! Hope you enjoy this chapter :D **

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"are you tired, do you need to sleep, my love?" Severus asked as Serena emerged from their bathroom, changed into a nightshirt and the pair of tiny pink shorts Severus loved.

"No, it's fine, really," she said, trying to smile. She sat down on the bed and he pulled her into his arms, kissing her temple and inhaling the sweet berry smell of her hair.

"We can easily talk in the morning-"

"Sev, I'm fine."

He sighed and kissed her again, before shifting and standing up. He took off his robes and hung them on the back of the door, leaving him in black jeans and a tight black t shirt. He lay back on the bed and beckoned for Serena to come closer. She snuggled into his side and he kissed her temple against softly, wrapping his arm around her tightly.

"Shall we start at the beginning of our stressful day?"

She gave a tiny nod, shutting her eyes and burying her face in the musky, spicy smell of his shirt.

"Your Father is taunting you… he probably wants a reaction…. he wants to scare you…"

"It worked…" she mumbled.

"No it did not… you know you are safe with me, hmm? I know…" he took a deep breath and gazed at the ceiling. "I know I have not been… effective at… protecting you… in the past… Serena… I… will never forgive myself for the things I have let happen to you…"

"Severus-"

"let me finish, my love. I should have been better at protecting you. No one can argue with that. But now… you have so many protective charms over you and there is rarely a moment when we are not in the same building. If you are at Grimmauld Place I know you are safe, but any where else and I can't keep my mind off you, worrying about your safety … But now, my watch over you is greater than ever. He will _not_ harm you. He will never be able to hurt you again, you hear me?"

Serena rolled onto her back to see his face blazing with determination and passion. She brushed away her tears impatiently and gave a nod, chewing on her bottom lip furiously, willing herself not to let go and cry. "I… love you…" she managed, earning a small smile and a warm kiss from Severus.

"I know, little one," he murmured. "I need you to make me a promise though. You must promise me to try your best at keeping yourself safe and healthy okay? That means staying out of trouble and making sure you eat properly. You're too thin; I can feel your ribs."

She squirmed as his fingers ran over her chest, feeling each prominent rib, as though he just wanted to make his point.

"You're thin too," she argued.

He gave a low chuckle. "don't you get cheeky, little one. Now promise me."

"You always say you hate promises, you say vows are what defines a person-"

"do you _want _to make a vow?" he threatened.

"no! No I promise!" she laughed. "I promise, I'll try Severus, I really will."

"hmm…" He kissed her lips softly, drawing her bottom lip into his mouth and sucking softly, his eyes glittering at the low moan that escaped from her. "so wicked," he murmured against her hot mouth. "to tease me so with your beautiful full lips…"

She smiled and leant up to kiss him again. He allowed her a brief peck before turning his head away and lying back down. "we still have talking to do."

She sighed and tucked her head back under his arm, staring at the black material. "I don't want to talk about him…"

"I noticed how hard it hit you…"

"He can't… he can't just… _leave_..."

"By 'leave' you mean… leave you?"

She bit her lip and nodded, a worried expression on her face. "I try to correspond with Albus every single day, and I see him as often as that and now he's just gone? I feel as though something is missing, something is wrong… How could that frog-hag do that, Severus! She's such a fucking bitch!"

He chuckled and rubbed her lips with his fingertip lightly. "watch you mouth, sweet, she probably has charms on the castle to catch anyone who blasphemes against her. Plus, aren't you supposed to be stopping swearing because of the… baby," he muttered with distaste.

"me, not swearing? I don't think so!" she smiled. "I shall have to be very good around little Lavinia though, they say babies are influenced by everyone around them."

"hmm."

"hmmm indeed," she smirked, kissing what she could reach of his lips. "get out of these jeans," she insisted, tugging at his black belt. "I want to go to sleep."

He grunted and stood up, taking off his socks and jeans and pulling on a pair of loose black pyjama pants. He pulled the covers back and Serena scrambled under them, unable to keep the smile off her face as he climbed in next to her. He slid his wand under his pillow and gathered her into his arms, inhaling her smell and revelling in the feel of her warm body pressed firmly against his.

* * *

"There is a letter for you," said Severus, scowling as he walked, fully dressed in muggle clothes into the bedroom where Serena was still resting, her hair dishevelled and her eyes red and sleepy.

"Why the glare?" she yawned, reaching out for the letter he was holding before freezing suddenly. "you don't think it's another-"

"no, no… the owl was pink," he spat.

"oh." She scowled too as she reached over for Umbridge's letter, pausing to sniff it before opening. "ew, it smells like flowers."

He snorted, sitting on the edge of the bed and waiting for her to open it.

Serena glanced over it and pulled a face. "She wants to have tea with me."

"fuck," Severus muttered, standing up and pacing the room.

"why is that such a big deal? And why are you wearing muggle clothes?"

"What you think she just wants to have _tea _and _chat_ about things? Use your bloody brain for God's sake, Serena."

"alright calm down!" she cried. "I don't see-"

"She has my stock of Veritaserum," he snapped. "It's only a very low truth solution but it's enough if you have low moral boundaries… you however… should be able to manage it… with practise…" He rubbed his temples and then turned to her. "when does she want to see you?" he asked sharply.

"erm… tonight…" Serena trailed off, suddenly realising all the things that could be revealed by one stupid cup of tea. "Oh fuck," she whispered, looking up at him with alarm and worry on her face. "what am I gonna do?"

"you are going to postpone it until tomorrow night. Write to her now."

She wrote quickly on the back and returned it by owl. "now what?" she cried, looking up at his face that was frowning with concentration.

"Get up," he barked. "Get a shower, get dressed in comfortable muggle clothes and get to my classroom. I have to send an owl." He strode out of the bedroom and slammed the door behind himself. She stared at it in shock for a moment and then shook her self, springing into the bathroom and to the shower. She washed her hair quickly, scraping it back into a small ponytail and clipping her fringe away, just how Severus liked it. Severus… she knew his personality yet she couldn't help being stung by his sharp words… She shook that thought of and clambered into denim jeans and a white vest. When she went through to his classroom he was setting out a row of vials with a clear liquid inside. He had put his wizarding cloak over his clothes and he looked more imposing than ever.

"sit," he said curtly without turning around. She perched on the edge of a desk and watched him as he ran his wand over each vial.

He finally swept around to her in a flurry of black robes, holding the largest vial. "This is Veritaserum," he said in his 'teacher voice'. "You will take enough to last five minutes, do not try to resist this batch, understood?"

"wait, what are you going to ask me-"

"Serena I would not waste the precious time we have just to ask you petty embarrassing questions to amuse myself," he snapped. "now, drink."

She scowled and lifted the vile to her lips, taking just the tiniest mouth full. She swallowed it, and waited. How could you tell when it starts working?

"um…"

"name?" he asked, pulling a desk up opposite her and sitting on it.

"Serena Venus Snape," she said, before freezing. "wait… I know that's my name… but if Umbridge asks me that I'll say Serena Venus _Lake._ Ask me again?"

"name?" he said, his mouth twitching.

"Serena Venus… Lake… Wait, I just lied!"

He gave a low chuckle. "The vial was full of water. I had to ensure your mind would not be fooled."

She smacked his arm playfully but his smile faded. "this is serious, Serena."

"I know it is, that doesn't mean you have to don your teaching robes, snap at me and treat me like I'm twelve, does it?"

"We don't have time to-"

"Don't have time for being polite? For respecting your _wife _rather than a _student?_"

He rubbed the bridge of his nose but when he looked at her earnest face, determined not to show the hurt behind her eyes, he sighed. "I apologise," he muttered. "I am trying to work this out Serena, but I am a tad… stressed… right now… I have… contacted Albus… and have had no fucking reply." He waved his wand to vanish the vial and glared at the place where it had been.

Serena knew him well enough to sense a helplessness behind his anger. She rubbed his knee gently and shrugged. "maybe we don't need his help with this…"

Severus rubbed the bridge of his nose and then nodded. "of course not… we just need time… which we have, thankfully. Right, now to get onto the real Veritaserum." He stood up, and turned around but she grabbed his elbow and turned him to her, standing on tiptoes and kissing him softly on the lips. "we'll be fine," she whispered, a smile playing on her lips.


	110. Chapter 109

**A.N: So sorry for the delay, my loyal readers! I shall try to update again asap! Meanwhile, hope you like this- **

"This is a low strength batch of Veritaserum…" Severus said quietly, holding up a small vial that didn't contain more than a mouthful. "It will lower the defences in your mind. It will make you _want _to tell the truth."

"Like an Imperius Curse?"

"yes, if you like. Although obviously much easier to fight. I shall ask you simple questions, but I want you to lie to me. Understood?"

She nodded and took the vial from him, a small smile playing on her lips as their fingertips brushed gently. She un-stoppered it and tipped it back, glad it tasted of nothing.

She felt her concentration slip slightly, and had to struggle to focus on Severus' gaze. "What is your name?" he asked softly, watching her closely.

Serena swallowed back the instinct to tell him the truth and focussed for a few seconds on what she was going to say before saying it.

"Serena Venus… Lake," she managed, although her words sounded forced and false.

Severus' face was unreadable as always and she was not concentrating enough to see the glimpse of unease in Severus' eyes.

"What do you teach at Hogwarts Serena?"

She swallowed again and he could see the pure look of determination on her face as she spat out, "Potions."

"Are you lying to me?" he said, his voice suddenly glittering with threat.

She shook her head vigorously.

"do you like Albus Dumbledore?"

"Yes," she smiled immediately. "I think it's worn off."

"hmm. Well you could lie to me, it just took effort I suppose. We'll jump it up a few levels."

"a few?"

"Serena, we need to nail this my sweet… and sometimes that involves jumping in the deep end of the lake, okay?"

She nodded, watching his black robes sweep behind him as he fetched the next bottle.

"I wish you'd take them robes off, I can't admire your perfect behind with them obstructing my view."

Severus whirled around, his mouth slightly apart and his eyebrows raised, and Serena could have sworn she saw the hint of a blush in his cheeks.

She laughed at his sudden lack of control, surprised she had managed to break his expressionless façade with a few words.

"Did that potion mess with your head, woman?" he asked, in a sharp voice as though trying to take control of the situation.

She laughed lightly, letting her eyes roam deliberately up and down his body. "I love a good work of Art, Severus."

He scowled, but as he turned away again she saw the hint of a smirk on his lips and when he returned to her he ran a finger down her cheek, rubbing against her lips softly. "you amaze me, woman."

"Indeed. It's because I love you."

"Perhaps I should ask you that under the influence of Veritaserum?"

"I hope not," she smiled, leaning into his touch. "You should know by now… why do you think I'm still around?"

"Not a clue… you only took the job to get a cure for your elementarial magic…Seeing as that's solved…"

"That wasn't the only reason…" she sighed. "but come on, anyway, I need to master this."

"What was the other reason?" he asked suddenly.

She shrugged and looked away. "I just needed to get away… from everything… from a shit life on the run… come on Sev, give me the potion, please?"

"You never talk about your life before," he murmured, gazing deeply into her eyes, as though trying to see past them…. Into her mind… She looked away suddenly. "Did you just try legilimency on me?" She asked sharply, her entire body tensing.

He frowned. "Of course not, I just-"

"You just what Severus?" she snapped. "I tell you I don't want to talk about these things and yet you still press and pry into my past! I don't discuss it! And I don't see why-"

Severus' sudden grunt made her stop.

His hand snapped to his left forearm and his eyes widened.

He recovered quicker than Serena, who was gaping in shock and horror, and he leapt up from his desk, slamming the vial down as he marched towards his quarters, summoning his cloak and mask as he went.

"Serena!" he barked, as he noticed she had not moved.

She jumped and ran after him quickly. He took his usual three potions- healing; replenishing; energy, along with a bezoar from the cabinet in their bedroom, and shrank them down, putting them in separate cloak pockets.

"Send Albus a message, tell him I am gone, then message Remus, he needs to help you overcome Veritaserum."

"Severus, you think I can concentrate on that whilst you are-"

"You must!" he growled. "Focus on it! And it will give me one less thing to fucking worry about!"

She blinked back the tears in her eyes and nodded. "I'll do my best, I promise…"

He nodded and then caught her distraught expression. With his heavy death eater cloak on and his mask in his hand he strode over to her, grabbing her face almost roughly and kissing her. Her fingernails dug into his shoulders and she tilted her face up to meet him, letting him take what he needed whilst he simultaneously reassured her. His mouth was so hot and rough and she responded just as passionately, needing more and less at the same time, her head whirled, she lost herself in his magnificent power until he pulled back way too soon.

"I love you, Serena," he breathed against her wet lips. "Try for me, sweet, try for me."

With those words he spun around and tapped part of the wall with his wand in a series of intricate movements. The stone slid apart and he stepped through without a glance back.

She stared at the wall as it slid back into place. It had been Severus' idea- to have a secret passage that took him to the castle boundaries, making it quicker for him to apparate away. Albus had told her how Severus had presented the idea. Albus had questioned why he had not thought of it earlier, why he had not needed it before, and after much pressing had finally managed to get the real reason from him: Severus wanted to gain more time- just a few seconds- so he could say goodbye to Serena every time he had to leave.

She found tears running down her cheeks as her fingers touched her lips, still wet from his mouth. She sank to her knees for a long moment and simply cried. She cried for the loss of him, cried for the pain she knew he would suffer tonight, both physical and mental. It broke him inside every time he went there. It made him colder, harder, it shut him off from his true feelings, and made him feel dirty and unworthy.

But he was a spy. It was his job and she needed to fucking accept it. She brushed away her tears impatiently. Sitting here crying was not helping anything. She scribbled a hasty note to Albus and then pulled a coin from her pocket. It was another of Severus' new inventions- stolen from the association of students that had nearly got Albus arrested.

She tapped it with her wand and it send a message to Remus, asking him to come by as soon as possible. She needed to fight her emotions and she needed to focus on beating Umbridge until Severus returned; hopefully uninjured.


	111. Chapter 110

**A/N: Would just like to stop and say a massive thank you for all the encouragement and support i've been recieving for this story. I love you guys so much, you inspire me to write much quicker than I normally would! A doubly massive thank you goes to all the wonderful snape-lovers who drop me a review- snapey hugs for all! I hope you enjoy this chapter and i apologise in advance for the cliffhanger but i will do my best to update asap! Enjoy!**

* * *

Remus wrapped his dark cloak around him and hurried, head down, through the deserted halls of Hogwarts. His disillusionment charm was strong and he was relying on his werewolf senses to guide him through the castle unseen. Hogwarts was no longer a safe place. It had been infiltrated and with Albus gone, Remus knew that if Umbridge caught a 'half-breed' like him trespassing, he'd be on the road to Azkaban within the hour.

His golden coin that had burnt orange with Serena's message was clutched tightly in one hand, with his wand grasped in the other. He was confused, not to mention worried- orange meant it was urgent but not fatally so. That didn't stop his stomach clenching as he increased his large strides and turned into the dungeon corridor.

He double checked the area before knocking three times on Severus' classroom door. It was flung open immediately and he met a wild eyed Serena, her wand pointed straight at his throat. "best day of your life?" she asked, her face contorted in concentration as she searched his eyes for the truth.

Remus' face softened and he replied quietly, forgetting the wand threatening him; "the birth of my daughter."

Serena relaxed and beckoned him inside, shutting the door quickly and locking it with a series of complex wards, half of which Remus had never seen before.

"Severus has rather upped security since Umbridge moved in," she explained with a grimace. "They are fastened to both mine and Severus' blood. At the moment no one can leave or enter this room, or our quarters without mine or his say-so. And all the fireplaces are keyed to different locations. The one in here is keyed to Spinner's End only, the same as the one in our bedroom, and the one in the living area is keyed to Grimauld Place. They overcome the monitoring charms Umbridge has placed on the school. We've also had several secret passages installed and tons of other coded messages- hence the coins he handed out last week…" She sighed… "It was so much simpler when Albus was here… protecting everyone…"

"I imagine you have tried to contact him? Remus asked, taking off his cloak and hanging it over a desk.

"More times than I can count… I've sent him a note tonight… It's… I'm sorry I had to call you Remus but I couldn't think of anyone else, and Severus said to call you…"

"Where is he, sweet? Tell me what's happened?" Remus rubbed her arm and pulled her into an embrace.

"He got summoned," she sniffed. "I think he's been expecting it since Albus left. He didn't inform the Dark Lord, you see-"

"why?"

"He said he wanted to give Albus a head start. Albus is looking for something, I've no idea what but it's important apparently… Anyway, he said the Ministry are already after him, the least he needs is the Dark Lord too. He was also unsure if He'd try and take the school too, whilst Albus is away…"

Remus shook his head and tightened his hold on Serena. "why didn't he just say?"

"Because he's a fucking idiot!" she hissed. "And he doesn't think for himself! He doesn't think about the consequences for _him_, he just looks towards the two masters that control him like a fucking puppet!" She smacked Remus' chest with a small fist and buried her face in his chest. "What if he dies, Remus! What if he dies and Albus isn't even here to take the responsibility! Does he not care? Does he really not care about what happens to my love…"

Remus could only hold her as she wept into his arms, realising that this was true love- to weep her heart out, knowing she'd smile and put on a brave act when Severus did eventually return. He envied her, when he'd watch them together, wishing he had it in him to love as much as she did, but as he held her shaken form, he was not so sure.

When her tears subsided and she drew back it was as though he was looking at a completely different person. Her face had hardened and there was determination behind her eyes. "I need your help," she said in a surprisingly strong voice. "Umbridge is going to use a low strength solution Veritaserum on me tomorrow evening, and I need to be used to overcoming it."

"Remus gazed into her eyes for a moment and then gave a nod. "Have we time for a cup of tea? And I think you could do with some chocolate, my sweet?"

She shrugged. "Make one for yourself, I will use the time to prepare myself, the kitchen is through there."

He walked through the door she pointed at and Serena collapsed into a chair, burying her head in her hands. She had not meant to lose her calm. She had not thought of the consequences of Severus' decision properly before now, but as she sat, she couldn't help the tiny voice in her head that knew something was wrong.

She took a deep breath and sat up straight. She had to prepare herself for Umbridge. If she could get that sorted then she would have one less thing to worry about – just as Severus had said.

Remus cleared his throat to announce his presence and he drew up a chair opposite her.

"how are we doing this?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Severus was helping me… He has the vials set out there. He said there was enough in each vial to last five minutes, each gets stronger. The strongest one is a tad stronger than the one Umbridge has in her office, he says I need to overcome that one."

"Right, so we are building our way up? Okay. Let's begin then, shall we?"

She took a potion from the middle of the line. "might as well jump in at the deep end…"

She could feel the effect immediately as her eyes glazed over and her body wanted so badly to relax. _No! _she shouted in her mind. _Do not give in! Don't let your concentration slip! _She was proud of herself as Remus' face slid back into focus. He looked uncomfortable.

"er… what am I supposed to ask you? Yes and no questions? Er… Am I a werewolf?"

Serena bit her tongue as the correct answer threatened to escape. "no."

He smiled, "very good, although I am a tad offended at you disowning me so easily. Can we make it more natural though? Do you know any werewolves?"

"no," she said quicker this time, almost normal.

"Are you in love?"

She blushed at his question and he chuckled. "You expect me to deny such a thing? I am afraid I cannot."

"As I expected," he sighed. "Although I imagine Umbridge will be asking things similar. Hmm… What is your relationship with Severus Snape?"

"He teaches potions at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He is my colleague, we don't get on, I annoy him and he insults me."

"very good!" Remus smiled. "What is your opinion of Snape?"

"He is a greasy dungeon bat who definitely does not have a good bum."

She laughed with Remus this time, feeling lighter already. "I think it's worn off, next!"

They worked slowly through the line of potions until Serena was finally ready for the last one. It was two o clock in the morning when she overcame it- managing to speak naturally and answer his questions without hesitation.

"Thank you so much, Remus," she sighed, squeezing his hand as utter exhaustion swamped her. "I could never have done that without you. I'm almost glad it was you testing me, I think Severus begun asking me personal things… we had a bit of a row…"

"I hope it is resolved?"

"He got called away," she muttered, looking away. "He got called away…"

"He will be back soon, my sweet. Listen, let us sit in the living room, we'll be more comfortable and we can get you a coffee."

He led her through and they soon settled on the couch together. She rested her head in the crook of Remus' neck and he rubbed her arm reassuringly.

"How is little Vinny?" she asked quietly.

"Noisy," he smiled. "She likes to cry a lot, but she calms down as soon as Sirius holds her, it's amazing to watch."

"I can't believe you're a dad… It's so surreal… so amazing…"

"Isn't it just, I have to pinch myself sometimes. When she wraps her little hand around my finger and won't let go… I swear Serena it makes me so happy."

"Just you wait, a good few more years and she'll turn into a sulky little teenager!"

"Oh gosh I do hope not, I'll be terrible at all that discipline stuff!"

"And what happens when she gets a boyfriend?"

Remus groaned and Serena laughed softly, nuzzling into his side. "It's a long way off yet," she murmured. "We have to get through this war first…"

At that moment, the floo activated in the classroom. Serena was up and sprinting in there without a second's hesitation, followed closely by Remus. Her eyes had no time to adjust to the change in light and she had no time to react as Remus slumped to the floor unconscious by a flash of red light. She froze as she looked at the hooded figure that had emerged from the floo, wand pointing straight at Serena's head. It wasn't Severus.


	112. Chapter 111

**A/N: sorry for making you wait! Please leave a review and i will reply as soon as i can! Enjoy- **

Serena couldn't even remember drawing her wand, but it was suddenly in her hand, pointing straight at the intruder who had mirrored her actions.

"don't fucking move!" she shouted, stepping between the hooded figure and Remus' limp body, trying to shield him from harm. "Don't move or I'll blow your fucking head off!"

"no, wait! Serena wait! It is I!" She frowned at the vaguely familiar female voice but kept her tense stance, her mind racing as it tried to connect a face with the voice unsuccessfully.

"lower your wand!" she commanded in a voice braver than she felt. "and show your face!"

The figure held up both her arms and slowly placed her wand on the floor before standing straight and lowering her hood.

"Narcissa!"

Serena was frozen with shock before dread started to fill her bones. "what's going on? Why are you here?"

"I need you to come with me, Severus is injured, he's in Spinner's End-"

"What-what do you mean?" she said quickly, cold dread flooding her body as her knees gave way and she sank to the stone floor.

"I can't fix him-"

"Fix? Is he- oh god- oh fuck-" Serena pressed a hand to her head and took deep breaths to try and control her hyperventilating.

"Serena-"

"Stay back!" she shouted, aiming her wand fiercely. "How do I know you're not an impostor! You could be tricking me! Severus is fine!"

"Serena, I know you are in love, we both met a few months ago. Please, you must trust me."

Serena's blood ran cold. "He's- take me to him! Remus-"

"Can he be trusted?" Narcissa asked warily.

"I'd trust him with my life, Remus! Rennervate!"

Remus barely had time to recover from his fall when sweaty hands were pulling at him. "Remus please! Severus is hurt!"

Remus scrambled up, clutching Serena's arm before coming face to face with a death eater. His wand had not even left his pocket before Serena grabbed his arm. "I trust her."

He paused for a moment and looked between Serena and the older, blond Malfoy. He finally nodded. "I'll get the first aid," he muttered, running into Severus' cupboard. Serena and Narcissa stepped into the floo to Spinner's End and as she emerged into the familiar living room, Serena exclaimed in shock and sank to her knees.

"Severus," she moaned, running her eyes across his crumpled body. "oh fuck, oh shit my love what happened to you?"

Severus was lying, unconscious on the rug by the fire- a rug that had turned crimson with his blood. His robes were torn and tattered and they unveiled his many horrific injuries.

The blood was mainly from his leg- a huge chunk of his thigh was missing and Serena could see the broken bone emerging from the mess of flesh and blood. His face was red with tiny slices and cuts as though from a knife and his arm was sticking out at an odd angle. She could see his chest through his ripped robes and there was blood seeping through from it. Serena could hardly breathe from the pain she felt as she looked at his broken and mangled body and she didn't realise the strange animalistic moan she heard was coming from her lips until Remus was by her side, hushing her and calming her.

"What do I do?" She begged, looking up at Narcissa and Remus.

"I must go," Narcissa said, a sorry look in her eyes. "Lucius will become suspicious. Mail me, please, Serena?"

She nodded helplessly and in a moment she was gone.

Serena's shaking hands began ripping at the clothing around Severus' leg as Remus ran a full diagnostic spell over him.

'Oh god Severus, please, please help me, please! I don't know what to do!"

"hush, Serena," Remus said in a hoarse voice. "We'll fix it, it's okay, we'll fix it. Leg first, he's losing too much blood."

He pulled out various bottles from the bag with trembling hands whilst Serena freed his leg and removed some of the blood with her wand. "we n- need to f-fix the bone," she stuttered.

"Can you do it?" he asked.

"I- I don't…" She shook her head and pressed her lips together, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I can't," she gasped. "I'm sorry Severus…"

"Hush, Serena it's fine, I'll do it." Serena moved to grasp Severus' clammy hand, wiping the hair from his eyes and rubbing the sweat dirt and blood away with her sleeve. "I'm here, babey, I'm here… I love you Severus, stay with me babey, stay with me." She grasped his hand and with a concentrated thought the cuts on his face healed and slowly vanished, apart from two that scarred in two nasty white lines down the side of his left cheek. She traced a shaking finger across them gently, more tears pouring down her face as she leant over him and stroked his cheek. "It's okay, my sweet, I am here. Come round for me, come on babey, stay strong." She kissed his cheek with open mouthed caresses and grasped his hand tightly before focussing on his other injuries and healing them in her mind.

"His leg is healed, but the blood won't stop… I've tried to heal the artery but…"

"Blood Replenisher," Serena muttered, unstoppering the bottle with her wand and gently lifting his head. She tipped it down, a mouthful at a time, rubbing his neck to encourage him to swallow and a hint of colour began to return to his ghostly white skin.

"Serena, here, put this pressure on his thigh, I can't stop the blood, it won't heal by my magic; I've tried everything."

"Can I try? I could use my telempathic skills and-" Serena stopped babbling and simply shut her eyes and tried. She could feel his pain and it overwhelmed her, causing her to cry out in pain and filling her eyes with new unshed tears. She could see the blood and focussed all her mind on stopping its source but she could not. Something was wrong.

She opened her eyes and shook her head. "It's n- not working, what's wrong, I don't-"

Remus tied a long piece of Severus' cloak tightly around the top of his thigh. "Put pressure on the wound," he ordered. "I'll sort out his other injuries."

He tore open what was left of Severus' shirt to reveal criss crossed lines and angry red marks.

"what the…"

Serena let out a low moan and shook her head as her eyes grazed over his chest. "he's been whipped… the sons of bitches whipped him, fuck, Severus my love. My darling love, what did they do to you?"

"They _whipped_ him?" Remus asked quietly, disgust and contempt laced in his voice as his dark eyes lingered over Severus' chest.

"He was punished… there will be more on his back… hurry Remus, please, I need to hold him…"

Remus was quick healing the rest of his injuries, levitating Severus off the ground so he could do his back too. When he was confident all the serious things had been fixed he collapsed against the sofa and wiped the sweat from his forehead. "he needs a hospital."

Serena shook her head. "He can't, not after he's been with the Dark Lord. We just need to stop the bleeding and he'll be fine again… won't he be fine, Remus?" she begged.

"He will, Serena, he will, my sweet."

After checking his pockets, Serena vanished the rest of Severus' torn and ruined robes and clothed him in fresh cotton black pants. With Remus' help they lay him on the sofa and Serena took a cold flannel to his head and chest, cooling his body down. She counted each new scar on his body and traced them with her fingers lightly. There were seven and each one cut a pain into her chest, burning her throat and eyes.

"His bleeding won't stop."

She turned her head at Remus' words and eyed the cloth he was pressing into Severus' leg. It had absorbed the crimson liquid and had slowed the flow but he was still losing blood.

_So much blood_, Serena thought, blinking furiously to stop the tears forming in her eyes.

"we need to wake him," she said eventually. "He can tell us what happened and it will be easier to work out how to cure him."

"are you sure it's wise, so soon after?"

She looked down at Severus' face, so strangely peaceful. She hated to disrupt his thoughts and dreams, and she was selfish in her need to see him awake and looking at her with those beautiful eyes again.

"I'm sure."

She took her wand and gently ran it over him. "rennervate," she whispered.

She grasped his hand tightly and watched his face almost fearfully as his eyelids flickered and eventually opened.

Severus felt dizzy. And tired. And in pain. And sick. The last thing he could remember was lying in the Dark Lord's Throne Room in a pool of his own blood and vomit. Judging by the smells around him he guessed he was in Spinner's End. And judging by the sounds there was two people with him. He flexed his limbs and groaned in pain. Not good. He felt something warm in his hand and very slowly opened his eyes.

"Serena."

His voice was a faint murmur as he turned his face to find hers. He found her warm brown eyes and tried to smile in response. His smile faltered as her eyes filled with tears that began to spill over, one by one.

"don't cry, my sweet. Why are you crying?" He tried to squeeze her hand reassuringly but even that movement made him wince.

Serena swallowed as she looked into his heavy lidded, dark obsidian eyes. "Because you're hurting," she whispered softly. "And it upsets me to see you so hurt."

"It was my own bloody fault," he grumbled. "my reactions are slowing."

"you're a fool," she whispered before her lips met his in a tender kiss.

"I am your fool," he murmured, his eyes sweeping over her loving gaze. "And we are not alone?"

She smiled. "Remus is here. He just about saved your life," she sniffed.

"She exaggerates, Severus," a hoarse voice interrupted. Remus moved into his view and gave a short smile. "I'll put the kettle on, Severus I've tied a bandage around your leg but you're still bleeding, Serena will explain."

He disappeared from view and Severus sighed. "I need to get up," he said, trying to move before groaning loudly and collapsing back onto the couch.

"Don't move, you foolish man!" she gasped, pushing him back and glaring. "You are not well at all Severus! I can't- we couldn't… you're bleeding and we can't fix it," she finished eventually. "I need you to tell me what happened to your leg."

"It won't heal, I suppose?" he grunted.

"no, I tried everything! Even my skills wouldn't wok at all and-"

"It is Dark Magic, no spell or potion will work on it. I recognised the spell as soon as Lucius bloody cast it, I had no idea he had learnt so much off his Master. Stupid of me to underestimate him."

"Well what can I do!"

"Muggle methods," he sighed, pulling a face.

"You mean, like, _stitching?_"

He grunted and shut his eyes. "yes, I'll do it myself if you get me the equipment from my lab."

"you can't stitch your own leg, you stupid, brave man. I will do it, I know the method. When I was a child my parents would not take me to St. Mungo's for fear of them realising how my wounds were inflicted…so we went to muggle hospitals…" she trailed off and looked away. "I guess it's come in useful, after all…"

"As long… as you don't stitch my legs together…" he said faintly, trying to smirk.

"you are getting paler," she said suddenly. "I'll give you another blood replenisher, okay? And then we'll get your leg better." She tried to smile at him as she summoned the bottle and pulled out the cork. She stroked her hand through his hair softly before gently lifting his head and bringing the bottle to his lips.

He scowled and turned his head to the side. "I am not a bloody child… I can drink… myself…"

She gave him a sad look. "Let me help you," she said softly. "Let your wife help you."

He glared at her before his face softened and he parted his lips ever so slightly- an invitation for her to continue.

She slowly helped him swallow the liquid and vanished the bottle. "thank you," she said softly. "And thank you for coming back to me," she added in a strange whisper, before getting up and moving to the secret door that concealed his potions lab. "don't move," she warned with her 'teacher gaze'.

As she slipped through the door Severus shut his eyes and gave a small groan.

"here," came a low voice.

His eyes snapped open to see Remus looking at him sympathetically. He was holding a mug of steaming liquid. "It's tea infused with pain potion. We did not want to give you any before you woke just to make sure we had got all your injuries… I'm afraid some have scarred…"

Severus made a non committal noise and looked away.

"I'm not going to tip it down your throat, you'll have to wait for Serena."

Severus turned to look at him and found him smirking. He smirked back and then looked away again as he heard soft footfalls on the stairs.

"Right then, let's get this stitched up," Serena said, shutting the door behind her.

"You'll need to help him with the pain potion." Remus said, handing her the mug.

"Of course, here my love, sip it slowly okay, it's quite hot."

She helped him drink the potion and then turned to his leg. The black cotton pants had been cut by Remus so he could see his wound. She pulled away the bandage and winced, swallowing back a gasp. She summoned a chair from the other room and sat down, sorting out her sterilized needle and medical thread.

"Close your eyes," she said softly, looking at Severus' face, suddenly enclosed within his emotionless mask, hiding his feelings behind it.

His eyes flickered to hers and he simply looked at her for a long moment before letting his eyes fall shut.

He tried to relax, he really did but he was too tense. The sharp pains had thankfully subsided and he did not feel the needle, only a strange tugging, when Serena began to stitch his wound. He could hear her talking to him softly, soothingly and he felt himself drawn into her voice, letting it envelope him like a gentle hug.

"It's done," her voice came finally.

His eyes opened.

She was looking at his leg with a strange expression on her face and it took him a moment before he noticed the tears rolling slowly down her cheeks.

"Serena?" his voice was gruff and he tried to move his arm to touch her but it was too heavy and he grunted softly with a new wave of pain that hit him, despite the potion.

She wiped away her tears briskly with newly cleaned hands and gave him a swift smile. "It's worked, good thinking," she managed.

"Serena?" his voice was a tad more forceful and he caught her eye in a determined gaze.

"I'm sorry," she sniffed, taking his hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Your leg has scarred, quite badly… and I hate seeing the way your body is sacrificed for that fucking monster!"

Severus looked at her silently for a long moment before finally murmuring in a hoarse voice, "come and lie with me."

She sniffed and nodded and then looked over his shoulder. "Remus… I can never thank you enough… I owe you my life…"

Remus smiled and walked over to hug her tightly. "take care of him."

She nodded and kissed his cheek before walking him to the fireplace. "I'll come and see you tomorrow."

He nodded, "I won't say a word, don't worry."

"Thank you," she murmured, kissing his cheek again before he stepped into the flames and vanished.

She turned back to Severus and conjured a large green blanket. She squeezed onto the side of the sofa next to him and threw the blanket over both of them, placing a possessive hand on his bare chest. "I'm so glad you're okay,' she mumbled into his neck.

Severus turned his head and kissed her nose softly. "I always am…"

She nodded and then buried her face into the crook of his neck. "Sleep, we'll talk tomorrow."

"Thank you, Serena… I… love you."

"I know, babey, I know and I love you too."


	113. Chapter 112

**A/N: hope you enjoy this chapter! Please tell me if it's too soppy or too angsty, i can't - enjoy :] **

Serena awoke at the first light pouring in through the small window in the living room at Spinner's End. She opened her eyes to see the black stubble on Severus' chin. She listened intently to his slow breathing for a moment, feeling the rise and fall of his chest under her hand. He was warm and comforting and she shut her eyes and drifted off to sleep again.

Severus stiffened. Something was screaming at him. His body was telling him something and it was important. What was it saying? He tried to decipher the message.

_Pain._

He groaned loudly and swore as he tried to curl up into a ball, only to stop as the slightest movement caused him if possible more pain. His legs were on fire, his head was on fire, his arms ached, his spine and chest stung and his muscles spasmed.

"jesus fucking merlin shitting fuck-dick fucking-"

"hush, hush, I have a potion, I have a potion!"

Hands touched his face, soft hands, warm hands. Fingers parted his lips, they combed through his hair and tipped a thick liquid into his mouth. He tried to swallow. He didn't care if it was poison- anything to stop the pain.

The pain lessened. His eyes focused. The burning turned to a dull ache. "Serena."

Her face loomed into view and he blinked a few times before sighing. "Serena," he said again in his hoarse voice.

"I'm here, don't you worry," she murmured. "stay here, rest, I'll be two minutes."

The warm feeling on his side disappeared and he almost moaned at the loss of comfort. He mentally shook himself. He needed to stop being so dependant on her… but she felt so good to him.

In less than two minutes she returned to his side and pressed a cold flannel to his forehead. "you're sweating," she murmured. "you need to cool down, relax..."

"I will be fine," he muttered. "I need to get up-"

"like hell you do, you're not going anywhere until I say so Severus Snape!"

"Serena-"

"Severus, you nearly died last night. You would have done if it wasn't for Narcissa bringing you here and Remus healing you."

"Cissy? She brought me here?"

She nodded. "yes, and then flooed into Hogwarts to get me."

"Bloody idiot woman," he hissed. "She could have been caught."

"You think she didn't know that? Anyway she left almost immediately, she returned to… her husband."

"mm."

"I have written her a quick note, just saying thank you for the birthday present from Mary. Hopefully she'll get the message and know it's positive."

"mm," he said again, his eyes closing as she sponged his forehead again and moved the flannel down his neck and across his chest. She took the blanket off him and sponged his chest and stomach, kissing him softly on the lips as she went.

"Let me take these bottoms off, They're ripped anyway and have blood on them…"

She vanished his cotton trousers and began to sponge his legs, her eyes not leaving the mangled mess of skin and raw marks that now resembled his right thigh. She could see her stitches in the middle of the great scar and it made her heart ache for him.

When she brought the flannel over that uneven, rough skin he flinched and she kissed him again, for longer this time, letting their lips move together in such tenderness she could almost cry again.

"I think you could do with a change in underwear too," she smiled softly, swapping them with a wave of her wand whilst she gazed lovingly into his eyes. "And now some new cotton pants, black of course, but I'm going to have to levitate you-"

"Let me stand," he muttered. "I need to try at least-"

She thought a moment and then nodded standing up. "let's move your legs first, okay?" She took his legs and very slowly moved them to the side of the sofa, dangling off the end. She watched his face carefully, his lips pressed tightly together in pain.

"Good, good," she murmured in encouragement. "You're doing so good for me babey."

"fuck off," he grumbled, making her laugh.

"you're doing fine, come on."

He groaned as he forced himself into a sitting position and took quick shallow breaths to control the pain. He gritted his teeth together and clenched his fists. Serena waited patiently, stroking his hair softly and kissing his head.

When he had calmed she took the new pair of cotton pants and slipped his legs into each hole. "we just need to stand up, okay?"

"I am aware."

She smiled, glad he was still himself.

"let's go, ready?"

With a long grunt and a lot of help from Serena he was standing on swaying legs whilst she pulled up his trousers and held him steady.

"I'm so proud of you," she murmured, running her hands across his scarred chest. "now let's get you upstairs into bed, shall we?"

He nodded turned towards the stairs. She used a spell to help her half carry him up the stairs and when they finally got to their bed she helped him lie in the middle. Just that short journey had drained him of colour and he was panting as though he had run a marathon. "fuck," he muttered. "that hurt."

"Do you think you can eat something? Some toast maybe or something with sugar? A cauldron cake?"

He shook his head. "no."

She sighed. "okay, you need to sleep then."

"stay."

It was voiced as a command but she could see the question pleading behind his eyes.

"Okay."

She pulled off her clothes and slid into bed next to him, dressed in her underwear. She cast a warming charm on the blankets and cuddled up to his side, kissing him again. "Sweet dreams."

* * *

_Albus. _

_Please return to me, I miss you more than I thought I ever could. I need your council, your love, your company, your blasted sherbet lemons. I know I am not alone but I need to see you, we all do. _

_Please. _

_S._

Serena watched as her letter disappeared into the grey sky, the owl becoming further and further away until it remained as a tiny speck. She hoped Albus would read not only the face of the letter, but her clues that Severus had returned. She had not lied in the letter. She was missing him terribly and needed to speak to him. She wanted to cry in his office, to tell him all that had happened and… she was angry… angry that Severus was in such pain because of his leaving.

"What are you doing?"

She turned to face the bed and smiled, walking over and kneeling next to him. "I was writing to Albus. I hope that somehow my letters have got to him."

Severus grunted. "I wouldn't even bother if I were you."

"I know you wouldn't but… I can't help it… I miss him…"

She squeezed his hand and gave him a quick kiss. "You need to eat. I'll get Maisie to bring you some toast and crackers okay?"

She called the little house elf who was delighted to have a job that needed doing. She ordered her to made dinner for them and to clean up the living room.

She took an energy potion and helped Severus drink it, followed by the potion they both took for after the Cruciatus Curse. His dose was stronger this time as she had noticed the small tremors that ran through his body every few minutes in his sleep. After that she gave him a pepper up and then another pain potion.

"I won't be surprised if you're as slow as a flobberworm after taking this blasted concoction," she smiled. "but at least they'll help you for the next couple of hours. Hopefully you can eat something, and maybe a bath later on?"

"that would be… welcome…"

"good."

"what time… is it?" he muttered, closing his eyes again.

He felt her weight on the bed next to him and she squeezed his hand. "It's midday."

"And… Umbridge?"

"I'm meeting her tonight, I can fight the Veritaserum you left so I should be fine… Remus was amazing helping me… actually he was amazing helping you too. I… I think you might have died if he hadn't been with me."

Severus heard the sob behind her words and he opened his hazy eyes. "but I did not."

"no, of course not, I'm being stupid." She sniffed and gave him a quick smile. "I'll see where Maisie's got to." She hurried out of the room and Severus groaned softly at the pain that was shooting through him. He very slowly managed to heave himself into a sitting position. He sat, hunched over, hissing from the pain. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and had to bite his knuckle hard to stop himself from screaming.

"what the fuck do you think you're doing!"

He shut his eyes briefly and when he opened them Serena was kneeling on the floor at his feet. Her eyes were red rimmed and she was looking at him fearfully.

"trying to have a fucking piss, what the fuck are you doing?"

"well then let me help you-"

"I can get there on my own," he growled, trying to stand. As he stood he bit his lip so hard it split and he felt the irony copper taste in his mouth. She grabbed him by the arm and helped him hobble into the bathroom. He sat down on the seat and glared at her. "surely you don't plan to stay?"

"I'll wait outside… but please, be careful, if you irritate your stitches the wound could open-"

"just get out!" he snapped.

She walked out and shut the door behind her and he dropped his head in his hands. This was so difficult. And he hurt so much. He gritted his teeth and pulled the black cotton pants down to his ankles. His eyes found the mangled mess of muscle and skin that was his thigh and he froze. He could see the black stitching across it and he felt bile rising up his gut. He turned his head to the side and threw up over the floor. The door was open and Serena was at his side in a moment, cleaning up the mess with a wave of her wand. She stood between his legs; her hands knotted in his hair as she held his face gently to her chest and crooned soft calming words. His hands gripped her hips tightly and he let the sob that hacked his chest escape. He shook in her arms and still she held him to her. He expected her to push him away, to see the disgusting mess he couldn't even call a leg anymore and to be horrified, but she was not.

He managed not to let any tears that had pooled his eyes escape and as soon as he had grasped enough control of his body he relaxed the vice grip he had grasped on her hips and rubbed his fingertips in circular motions over the red marks on her skin. "I am sorry," he whispered hoarsely.

She rubbed her hand along his bare shoulders and kissed the top of his head. "you have nothing to be sorry for, apart from perhaps being a stubborn bastard. I'm going to wait outside. When you're finished, call me and I will help you back to the bed. You need rest, we will talk later."

She kissed his forehead tenderly and then left him. She silenced the bedroom before grabbing a book end off the table and throwing it against the opposite wall. Listening to the smash and watching it splinter into hundreds of tiny dangerous pieces was so satisfying but she managed to clear it up with a wave of her wand before he opened the bathroom door.

She watched him from the other side of the bed for a moment before he spoke quietly. "could you help?"

She smiled at him widely and rushed to help him stagger into bed. He lay on top of the covers, panting from the exertion that small trip had caused. She climbed on next to him and let her fingers ghost the new scars on his chest. "you're so tense," she murmured. "I'll see what I can do." She gave him a tiny smirk before hopping from the bed and walking into the bedroom. He couldn't help but smile as he looked at her retreating bare legs. She was wearing his button down black shirt and her pink pyjama shorts underneath and his heart warmed for her.

When she came out a few moments later she was carrying a small brown bottle. She moved very carefully as she came up next to him and set the bottle down. He frowned. "What is that? It's not… one of my… potions, is it?"

She smiled, "nope."

"then..?"

She rolled up her sleeves and poured a tiny bit of the liquid into her hands, rubbing them together before taking his arm gently and rubbing it into his bicep. "It's a muggle remedy. It's soothing oil. It warms when it reacts with something in your skin. It should relax your muscles."

"mmm…" he moaned softly as her small hands kneaded the oil and massaged his muscles, moving up to his shoulders.

"close your eyes," she whispered, kissing his forehead. "just relax and enjoy, beautiful."

She could feel his muscles tense again as she used that word, but she had wanted to make sure he knew his looks were not important to her.

"Serena-"

"hush, we will talk about things later, right now I want you to be calm and thoughtless. Let me have control of your body, trust me…"

Severus let his eyes fall closed again as he took deep breaths and tried to relax. He didn't even need to try hard. Her hands were so good on his skin. His muscles were warming with the oil she was massaging into him and he did as she asked- he let her take control. He was limp and trusting under her hands and as he let her consume him he relived how much he loved her. Every breath, every second that passed he thanked God- a God he had not believed in before he had met her, but now she was his proof. She was human and divine and _his_ all at the same time and he could hardly bear that wonderful burden upon his warmed, massaged shoulders.


	114. Chapter 113

**A/N: thank you so much for all your support and reviews, you guys are total angels, snapey love to all! hope you like this one- *wink, wink **

* * *

She heard the floo activate.

She cast a gentle sleeping charm on Severus to stop him from waking up and slipped off the bed, pulling on his long shirt and hastily doing some buttons. As she reached the door she looked back at her sleeping husband. He was lying across the bed, completely still, a quiet, peaceful look upon his normally worried brow. She gave a small, sad smile and tiptoed downstairs.

"Remus."

She was in the warm comfort of his arms in a moment.

He held her tight and kissed the top of her head before loosening his arms and stepping back a fraction. "how is he?"

"He is recovering… he's sleeping upstairs at the moment, I don't want to wake him, he's in so much pain."

"It is to be expected… He should aim to be on his feet in the next few days, it'll do him good. Perhaps you can up the dosage on the potion he takes for the cruciatus?"

She nodded, "I'll ask him. Sit down, would you like some tea?"

"you sit down," he said firmly, guiding her to the sofa. "I'll get the tea, when was the last time you ate?"

"um…"

"Exactly, I'll cook us something."

"there should be some prepared meals in the fridge, Maisie the house elf made some."

"even better," he smiled.

Five minutes later he brought out a steaming lasagne and two cups of tea. He sat next to her and watched her closely as she took a small mouthful.

"where's Sirius?"

"He's at home with Vinnie and Harry's round too."

"Potter?"

"Yes, he's staying over for a few days whilst it's the holidays."

She smiled, "He's a good lad."

"He is," Remus sighed. "It is a pity he has no chance to enjoy being young, this war is throwing him in at the deep end. He's finding everything very difficult after the Arthur Weasley incident. How is his occlumency? He said you are teaching him now, instead of Severus?"

"yes he's… he's okay I suppose, I don't know, I have very little experience in trying to break into people's minds so I can't really push him far enough."

"he says… Severus doesn't know you are teaching him."

"no he doesn't, but I'm sorry Remus I really can't get into reasons…"

"not to worry. It's better you try and teach him than him learn nothing at all."

She smiled, "indeed."

"Are you prepared for Umbridge tonight?"

"yes I'm pretty confident, I have greater things to worry about…"

"He'll be fine, don't worry so much."

"yes, fine until next time…"

Remus grimaced and put an arm around her.

"Any word from Albus?" she asked.

"not a thing…"

"I've sent him so many damned coded messages about Severus… does he not even care?" she asked weakly. "Does he not even love us at all?"

"He does, of course he does… we must be patient."

"patient," she scoffed. "of course..."

Remus sighed, "I must return. Sirius wants to take Harry into Diagon Alley for a new broomstick, so I must look after Vinnie."

"Of course, thank you Remus… I can never repay you for what you've done…"

"don't be silly," he murmured, kissing her temple sweetly. "I love you okay? And I do care about Severus, although please Merlin don't ever tell him!"

She laughed and hugged him. "have a good day."

"I will, and make sure you eat the rest of that lasagne!" He stepped into the floo and Serena smiled after him, sitting down to nibble the rest of her meal.

After she had eaten about half of it she vanished it and went back upstairs, climbing on the bed to watch Severus sleep. As though he sensed her presence, he began to stir and she was at his lips with a pain potion in a moment. His face was paler than normal and he took the potion quickly as tremors started to run through his body.

"here we go," she murmured, stroking his hair softly as he struggled to control his body. When he was lying still and the potion had taken effect she took his hand and kissed his forehead. "Remus thinks we should consider upping to dose of your cruciatus potion. Do you think it might help?"

"Not possible," he muttered. "already at… maximum…"

She felt her heart sink but she tried to give him a reassuring smile. "not to worry, we'll get you the normal level then. Now, how is your pain level on a scale of one to ten?"

"four after that potion," he muttered, shutting his eyes briefly.

"okay. Well I have to go and see Umbridge in two hours so here's what I have planned; you tell me if you feel up to it. I'm going to run you a nice hot bath and add some of that soothing and calming oil from before. And you can have a nice long soak, okay? And then we'll get you into bed and maybe you can try and eat something before I go out?"

He jerked his head in the affirmative.

"good. You wait here then. Is there anything else that you need?"

He shook his head and she went into the bathroom. She ran him a deep, hot bath and cast calming spells around the room before adding her oils into the steaming water.

She returned to the bedroom and took his hand. "right, try and sit up."

His lips pressed tightly together as he forced himself into a sitting position and he gave a small groan.

"come on you big softy," she teased, squeezing his hand. "you can do better than that."

His eyes found hers and she saw them narrow before he smirked. "playing that game…are you?" he murmured. He moved to kiss her but she stepped back, shaking her head. "not until you sit on the edge of this bed."

He gave a low chuckle and took a deep breath before dragging his legs over the side. "fuck," he hissed, scrunching his eyes closed in pain. He took quick short breaths as his pain subsided and he felt Serena's fingers running through his hair, calming him as she held him gently.

"you owe me a kiss, witch," he muttered, after he could control himself.

She smiled sweetly and kissed his lips very gently. He tried to lean closer but she smirked and shook her head. "that's all."

His eyes narrowed. "I've been brutally attacked and have been in bed for bloody hours and you won't even open your mouth?"

She laughed softly. "You can have tongues if you make it to the bath."

"you're on," he growled. "but if you disappoint me witch…"

"I wouldn't dream of it. Now get moving."

She gripped him under the arms and helped him stand. He let out a deep groan and swore profusely but she rubbed circles on his back and draped his arm across her shoulders to support him. "come on babey," she whispered. "you can do this."

They took tentative steps into the bathroom and Serena vanished his cotton pants and boxers with a wave of her wand. "efficient," he smirked at her. She rolled her eyes and then smirked back as she let her eyes flicker downwards.

"someone's pleased to see me."

"care to say hello?"

She smiled. "get in the tub Snape; I don't think having sex is on our to-do list right now."

He gave a low chuckle that quickly stopped as he began moving. "fuckkkkking hell," he hissed as he sank into the hot water. "oh fuck that feels good…"

She smiled knelt on the floor, rolling up the sleeves of her shirt and dipping a wash cloth into the water. She lathered it with soap and looked at him for permission. "may I?"

"you owe me… a kiss first you sneaky witch," he murmured softly.

She smiled and leant over the side, running a hand down his cheek and letting her lips reach his. His tongue drew across her bottom lip gently and she parted them. Their tongues met in a gentle exploration as their eyes fell shut and each revelled in the feeling of being with the other.

"you taste so good," Severus sighed as she drew back a minute later. She smiled and shut her eyes briefly.

"you know how much I love you, right?" she asked, looking at the water.

A slightly trembling finger rose from the water and tilted her chin up to meet his gaze. "I do."

She smiled and gave him another lingering kiss before taking the cloth and washing his chest slowly.

"does this feel good?" she murmured, watching his face.

"oh fuck Serena it feels so good," he sighed, his eyes falling shut. "you feel so good…"

"I expect you to return the favour, you know?"

"I will return it a billion times over… fuck I'll run you baths… for the rest… of your life if you'd just…move the cloth a bit lower…"

She smiled and shook her head. "we're getting you all nice and washed and fresh again before you start thinking of things like that."

She washed his arms and his legs, taking extreme care around his right thigh, making sure to only glance over it. He hissed with pain when she did but she rewarded his bravery with another kiss and he soon quietened.

"lean forward, I want to wash your back and your hair."

He shifted forward slightly and she moved behind him so he was unable to see her tears as she looked at the criss-crosses of fresh whip marks on his back. She kissed his shoulder as she washed him and nestled her face next to his, their cheeks resting against each other. "so brave," she whispered, kissing his shoulder again. "so brave for me."

He did not say anything but she kept kissing him as she shampooed his hair and rinsed it. "much better."

"you've missed a bit," he said, looking unabashedly at his erection.

She smirked and kissed him, rubbing the cloth back along his chest, over his nipples and then down his stomach. She dropped the cloth and let her hand move down further, grasping his length and giving him long, tight strokes whilst kissing him sensually. She barely counted five before he came, jerking in her hand and groaning softly.

"fuck." He breathed deeply and shut his eyes. "I didn't realise how close I was…"

She kissed him and rubbed her hand back up his chest, caressing the muscles firmly. "I love the way I make you lose control. I love the way you come for me so hard."

His eyes opened and he smirked. "If I make it back to the bed, will you use your mouth next time?"

She gave a surprised laugh and moved to help him stand. "you wish, Severus, you wish."


	115. Chapter 114

**A/N: I know, i know, i've been a terrible author this week . I'm sorry, i've had literally no writing time and have only just managed to scrape this together. It's quite short and there's a lot of talking and i'm reeeeeeaalllllllyyy sorry but i hope you like it. I will try to update in the next week but it's going to be a really busy one, but i promise i'll try my best! now, back to the story **

When he awoke the house was silent. His head drifted to the side, his eyes fell shut and he slipped back into that hazy motion: sleep.

A door slammed. His eyes flashed open, his wand was in his hand and he had shot into a sitting position before he remembered his pain and he had to shove a fist into his mouth to stop from groaning. His whole body was on fire and the pain in is leg was so unbearable he thought he was going to pass out. He heard thumping footsteps on the stairs as his eyes unfocussed and his head began to spin.

_Concentrate!_ He commanded himself, shaking his head to try and clear his vision. _Constant Vigilance! _

His wand pointed at the door as the person approached. The door was flung back and the last thing he saw was Serena before blackness closed in and he fainted from relief.

"wake up babey, wake up…" she was calling him. He could feel gentle hands stroking his hair, something against his cheek. And then pain.

His eyes opened and she had pressed a bottle to his lips immediately, helping him swallow the cool liquid. She kissed him as they waited the painful moments for the potion to set it and then he sighed and nodded.

"better," he murmured, his voice croaky.

She pressed another glass to his lips and he drank the water thirstily.

She lay on her side, her head perched on her hand and watched him closely. "do you need anything? Food?"

He shook his head.

"you look exhausted," he muttered, looking at her red eyes.

"I am. And pissed off."

"Did you overcome it?"

"yes, and quite easily to be honest, I imagine she didn't want anyone to know she was using so she had to keep the dosage low. It was her questions that pissed me off."

"Hence the stomping?"

She scowled and nodded. "did you think it was someone else?" she asked suddenly. "you had your wand out-"

"I heard a door slam and it woke me. I was unsure, your footsteps are normally light. After recent events, I have fallen far from the Dark Lord's favour… I perhaps wondered if they'd somehow managed to break into my wards. I must reinforce them tomorrow, but don't fret, I am quite sure already they are impenetrable."

"I have faith in you," she sighed, lying on her back and gazing up at the ceiling.

"what did she ask?"

"Fucking every personal question you could imagine! About you and Albus and my parents and Kingsley and even that fucking article in the Prophet last year… Fuck I hate her…"

"Specifics?"

She huffed and crossed an arm over her eyes as though she didn't want him to see her. "everything about my parents and their trial and things. She wanted to know if… if I joined in-"

"what?" he growled, turning his head to her, a fierce expression on his face.

"oh that's not the worst. What are my views on purebloods and half breeds and muggle borns? What do I think of the Dark Lord? What do I think of Albus' views? Why am I teaching at the school? Why did Kingsley and I split up for so long? What happened when he died? What happened with Crouch? What happened afterwards? What do you think of Severus Snape? Do you think he's a Death Eater?" Serena paused to take a deep breath and then sighed. "Maybe we can kill her off? Poison?"

Severus chuckled and took her hand, giving it a squeeze. "Did you answer everything?"

"no, most things in a roundabout way that gave her really no answer at all, but others I just ignored and moved on, or said I didn't wish to speak about it. I mean, I was forced to tell the truth, after all…"

"and the things about… your past?"

"of course not," she snapped. "I don't talk about that, you should know by now."

"do you not think that-"

"stop that question immediately or I'll go sit downstairs," she interrupted.

"Serena…"

"stop it, Severus, just stop it, I haven't forgotten what happened in you classroom by the way."

She felt his hand tense in hers and she withdrew it.

"Serena, whatever you may think, I did not try and invade your mind-"

"then why could I feel your presence there?" she asked, sitting up and looking down on him, her eyes pained. "why could I feel you slipping into the top layers of my mind-"

"I was trying to reassure you," he murmured. "I was trying to give you some strength to open up to me…"

"and what if I don't want to-"

"It's not healthy Serena. You remember how you felt after Crouch?" She stiffened but he let his hand trail soothingly down her back as he spoke. "You remember how you locked away all your emotions into a box until they became too much and they had to be dealt with?"

She shrugged and continued staring at the door but she did not pull away from his gentle hand, rubbing her side comfortingly.

He gazed at her for a long moment and then decided to let himself be helped by her too. "I don't want… I don't want for you to have to deal with all those emotions and memories at once, but perhaps a little at a time… I want to help you, Serena-"

"I don't need help!" she hissed, turning and glaring at him before turning back to the door just as suddenly.

"I don't want for you to have to deal with these things away from me, like last time… I need you to let me help you, keeping things caged away isn't…" he sighed and closed his eyes. "When I first became a Death Eater, it was nothing like it is now." He felt her tense under his hand and knew she was listening intently. "My initiation was… horrific, one of the worst nights of my life. I was tortured to within an inch of my life, but it was not even the worst part. The worst bit was what you had to do to others. I was disgusted with myself. But my hate and anger and self loathing drove me forward, because being with the Death Eaters felt like belonging to a family. I thought I was free, I was so foolish I didn't notice that I was more repressed and controlled than I had ever been."

He felt her eyes on him now, but he did not open his own as he continued his tale. "I locked all my feelings of doubt and guilt and disgust far away inside of me. Any compassion or love I had had been safely locked away during school and I had no desire to ever open that box, except perhaps to Lily." She tensed again under his hand but he pretended not to notice.

"On the night that I turned spy, the night that…she died… I thought perhaps that I would start to feel human, feel more alive and free. But instead, I now served two masters, both tugging my arms in different directions like a child would to a bowtruckle… Instead of feeling liberated and human I felt my self loathing consume me. I was not worthy of any human feelings or pleasures after what I had done. I became Severus Snape, broody, arrogant, rude and ugly potions master with greasy hair that pushed everyone away from him because he deserved no love."

He paused and heard the rustle of the bedcovers and then felt her take his hand again silently. She stroked his palm and encouraged him to continue and so he did.

"I spent my evenings drinking, sitting alone, forcing myself to relive everything I had done of my own will! I had joined them because I wanted to and the thought of it disgusted me. I felt violated and degraded and I had done it all to myself.

"And then… one evening, as I sat drinking alone in my office, somebody came to see me. Someone perhaps more stubborn than myself, who refused to leave… And that person tucked me into bed and sat with me and… and made me open up to her and… and relive everything without this hatred, but with pity at what I had been. She made me accept my past and turned my attention towards my future and how it was my duty to spy, not because I had to repay the sins of my past, but because I had to do everything in my power to end this war. She warmed me… she opened my box and let everything escape and although I kept my persona and rarely accepted friendship, the box was not locked anymore. It was shut, yes, but it did not need to be contained so tightly…"

"Who…. Who was it?" she whispered.

A soft smile graced his lips as his eyes opened to meet her face, tears running down her cheeks as she gave him a look of pure love and pride.

"Minerva."


	116. Chapter 115

**A/N: Wow. the last chapter received many awesome reviews and messages and I'd like to take a moment to say THANK YOU. I love you guys so damn much :] Also if you don't have an account and would like a reply, just send me your email address :] **

**Also, a lot of people have been asking me recently if I know how this story is going to end. Basically, yes I do, I think I always have. and no I won't tell you *evil laughs* sorry :D Anyways, on with the show! **

Serena lay, wrapped in Severus' arms, her head resting on his arm with his face buried in the sweet smell of her hair.

"I feel such love radiating off you when you talk about her…" she said softly, turning her head to smile at him. "I had expected to feel… pain and… sadness, and I do, but it is so small compared to all the love…"

A smile grazed Severus' lips and he kissed her forehead tenderly. "sleep, my sweet love, it is late and I can see all the tiredness behind your eyes. When you need to open you box… I would like to help you…"

"I would like that," she whispered, a mixture of pain and love on her face. "goodnight. I love you."

He kissed her softly and when her eyes fell shut they did not open until morning.

Severus Snape woke to a cold flannel being pressed on his forehead and a worried looking Serena gazing down on him.

"Pain?"

He shut his eyes for a moment and focussed on his body. "yes… but not as bad as yesterday… I need the potion on the left of the nightstand."

Serena took it and showed it to him before helping him drink it down. He sighed and gave a weak smile. "better today."

"you're running a high temperature."

"It's fine, it's just the medication, and probably because I've been stuck in bloody bed like a bloody Hufflepuff."

With a deep groan he managed to sit up on his own and she watched him carefully as he managed to swing his legs off the side of the bed.

"Well don't just stand there wife, make yourself bloody useful."

She chuckled and helped him stand. His lips were pressed tightly together in pain but he did not make a sound. She waited for his breathing to steady before they moved slowly forwards into the bathroom. She waited outside and when he emerged, clutching onto the door for support, she held out a wooden stick and smiled. "present time,"

He scowled, "you had better be joking."

She huffed. "look, you need to start moving about on your leg okay? And I want to go to Grimmauld this morning for an hour and what if you desperately need to pee? look, it's tailored specially to your needs- If you need to lean on it heavily- it will reinforce itself and if you only need it a bit, it will just give you a bit of support."

"where did you get it from?" he said in a gruff voice, eying it suspiciously.

"do you have concussion?" she teased, her eyebrows raised. "I am a bloody witch Severus; did Minerva miss out the transfiguration lesson?"

He grumbled some swearwords under his breath and took the stick from her, taking a moment to admire her handy work.

"not bad," he muttered finally, smirking when she laughed.

"right then, let's get you a shower and a change of clothes and then something to eat, okay?"

He smirked, "what's it worth?"

She laughed and gave his arm a light smack. "Do it or I'll bloody leave you on your own."

"Forgive me but what were our wedding vows again? In health and...?"

"bloody cheek," she muttered, before giving him a kiss.

Half an hour later they both sat on the sofa in the living room with steaming cups of tea. "now tell me what happened with the Dark Lord."

Severus stiffened and tried to hide it by sinking back into the cushions. "I'm not answering that question," he muttered.

Serena bit her lip and took a deep breath. "then I'll ask you again, why did he hurt you, Severus?"

"Serena-"

"Don't do this to me!"

"he was displeased with me; he punished me, end of."

"Sev-"

"What Serena?" he snapped suddenly. "just what part of that don't you understand? I answered your question, now change the fucking subject."

Serena slammed her drink down, stood and marched into the kitchen, slamming the door behind her.

Severus sighed and pressed his head into the back of the sofa, shutting his eyes. She was in the kitchen, no doubt destroying half their things judging by the silencing charm she had thrown up. She was angry and upset because he refused to share knowledge with her, and quite frankly, he didn't give a shit.

Although the pain potion was working effectively against most of his muscles, the throbbing in his leg had started again and he was beginning to feel it acutely. He rubbed it firmly, trying to stimulate the muscle and ease it off, before grabbing his stick and launching himself into an upright position with a low, deep groan. He expected Serena to rush from the kitchen and check on him, but she did not emerge and it caused his mood to darken. He hobbled over to the fireplace- the only area of wall not covered in bookshelves, and took the bottle of Sherry he kept for Death Eater visitors. He poured himself a generous measure and tipped it back before refilling his glass.

A moment later, the door to the kitchen opened and Serena walked swiftly from it, taking the stairs two at a time without even looking at him. "Serena! he growled, making his way slowly to the stairs, hissing with pain. "Serena! Get down these bloody stairs this minute!"

He waited thirty seconds before she pounded down them, fully dressed with a bag in her hand. He could see the determination in her red rimmed eyes as she pushed firmly passed him without even glancing at his face. He reached out and grabbed her arm but she shook him off roughly and marched to the other side of the living room. "I'll be back in an hour, I'm going to Grimmauld," she said in a dull, expressionless voice.

"Don't be fucking ridiculous-"

"And just how am I being fucking ridiculous?" she hissed, finally looking at him, her eyes blazing.

"By storming off like a bloody child in a strop-"

"I'm only acting like a fucking child because you're treating me like one," she snapped.

"Just because- Serena- Fucking wait-"

Serena grabbed a handful of floo powder, threw it into the fire and stepped in after it. She glared at Severus before muttering 'Grimmauld Place' and vanishing.

Severus swore loudly and tipped back his drink before vanishing the glass and rubbing his brow wearily.

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw the floo activate, green flames shot up and Serena stumbled out, covered in soot and coughing. She turned and waved her wands in a series of fast movements and she shouted at Severus hysterically. "ward the goddam floo!"

"Serena what-"

"WARD THE FUCKING FLOO!"

In a flurry of movements more elegant and powerful than hers, the floo was warded as strong as he could make it. He staggered over to Serena, where she was leaning against a bookshelf on the opposite wall, trembling.

"Serena, my love, what's wrong?"

"You are what's wrong! You and fucking Albus!" she shouted, tears pooling in her eyes.

"he's back, you know? He's been back for a fucking hour! I found him sitting at the table eating breakfast, telling everybody about his holiday!"

There was a long pause as Severus took this in. "how-"

She waved him off with a hand. "Remus sent me a message via those coins, it wasn't urgent but he said I should come over…" She sniffed and rubbed her blackened face, creating pale streaks across her cheeks.

"why is the floo warded?" he asked calmly, trying to encourage her to slow down. His mind was racing as he tried to connect pieces of information together to determine why she was so upset.

"Why do you think! Because I don't want to see him!"

"Serena, you've been writing to him everyday, you've been pining, and now he finally is here-"

"HE SAID HE'D BEEN ON HOLIDAY! Holiday, Severus! On holiday whilst my husband is sliced to pieces because of him! On holiday when my husband nearly dies! On fucking holiday! He said he thought he needed a rest! Well I need a fucking rest too dammit!"

Severus took a cautious step closer to her and reached out his hand. Tears were streaming down her face now and he hated seeing her so miserable. "Sweet-"

"No don't you fucking 'sweet' me Severus Snape! You treated me like a fucking child this morning! You always fucking do! I know you don't like to talk about things but you know I'm your wife! I gave you a fucking chance to tell me and you didn't. You rejected it."

"I didn't see the point in worrying you-"

"exactly! I don't need protecting like this! You and Albus are all the while telling me you love me, and how you want to protect me, but then Albus fucking runs away doesn't he! On _holiday!_ as though he doesn't even fucking care about us! We're just pawns in his game, Severus, surely you know too. He doesn't love us…" She gave a wracking sob and shook her head, shaking visibly now, looking wild with her wide eyes and her blackened face.

Severus closed the distance between them and pulled her into his arms. She gripped his t shirt tightly, her fists making tiny balls as she sobbed against him, and he heard threats against Albus emerging from her sobs. His shirt would be covered in soot but he did not care. He held her tight and stroked her hair, just as the door bell rang.

"fuck," he sighed as Serena stiffened.

"Is it him?" she sniffed, rubbing her eyes and very slowly releasing his shirt. She clutched her wand tightly and Severus eyes her warily before shuffling towards the door, leaning heavily on his stick. "get out of sight," he hissed, and she jumped and crept up a few steps, listening intently.

"Is it him?" she repeated.

"It is," he sighed. "stay there; I have security questions, just in case."

"No you can't let him in!" she cried.

"Well what do you propose I do? Avoid him forever? Be sensible Serena." She heard him open the door a little and mutter something about a patronus, before the door closed and she heard the two men murmuring under their breaths. She crossed the room to stand in the furthest corner away from the door as it opened and they both entered.

It was so odd seeing Albus dressed in his full blue robes, hat and all, standing in their tiny living room, but she hardly paid attention to that now. She gripped her wand tightly and glared daggers at the older wizard who had the nerve to wear an amused smile.

"how about some tea?" he said cheerfully, and as Severus raised his eyebrows at the old man's lack of tack, Serena hissed as though burnt.

"how dare you," she said finally, in a surprisingly controlled tone. Severus moved closer to her, trying to calm her down through legilimency, sending her soothing thoughts and hoping she received them, at least subconsciously.

"Ah. I see I have some explaining to do."

"Too bloody right."


	117. Chapter 116

**A/N: I know, i'm terrible, i'll try and update sooner next time i promise! **

"How about we all sit down," Albus said pleasantly.

Severus almost rolled his eyes. His lack of tact was unbelievable and he was close to snapping at the old man himself.

"I don't think so Albus," she retorted, her voice shaky. "You've got one chance to explain yourself before I chuck you out. I thought… I thought you- you- loved us! I thought you'd- did- did you not get my fucking letters!" she cried. "I wrote to you, I _begged_ you to come back! He nearly died, Albus!"

Severus stiffened and felt that strange tightening sensation he got when he realised how much she cared. Even now she was thinking of him.

"Serena, I did receive them, but-"

"I don't care!" she shouted, clenching her wand tight enough for it to emit green sparks. "I don't fucking care about why! You could have come back, couldn't you? Any time!"

Albus' expression grew grave. "I admit, I could have, but the-"

"You don't even care, do you?" she said in barely more than a whisper. Her shoulders slumped as more tears pooled in her eyes and spilled over, washing away the soot from her face. "We're just pawns to you Albus, aren't we? Severus came so close to dying the other night…"

"There was nothing I could have done that you didn't do, child-"

"Don't' fucking 'child' me!" she shouted again. "He nearly died! He nearly died and it was your fault! Have you seen his leg, Albus? They destroyed it! They destroyed another part of his fragile body! Another scar to add to the others he's had to bear!"

Severus could feel a lump in his throat and he interrupted her quietly, "Serena, don't torment yourself-"

"I am always tormented," she whispered. "And you-" she glared at Albus, "I can't believe you…" Serena turned her back on him and looked up into Severus' closed face. "Did he ask you to?" she whispered, hurt and pain written across her young face.

"Serena-" he murmured, but she shook her head and turned back around, unconsciously shielding Severus from Albus by her defensive stance and angry glare.

"Should I be asking you? Did you tell Severus to risk his life for you- again?"

"Serena, I don't know what-"

"You left the school!" she shouted, "You left us like some fucking coward and you told Severus not to tell the Dark Lord, didn't you? He could have been murdered on the fucking spot!"

Albus raised his head up to meet Severus' eyes as he spoke quietly, and their silent connection formed unnoticed by the hysterical girl.

"Serena, Severus has been risking his life for so many years."

_Don't tell her the truth. _

"I understand how unbelievably worried and scared you are, all the time-"

_Why, boy? She deserves to know what sort of man I am. I owe the truth to her, surely? _

"- and I am so glad to see that he has found someone as whole and good as you-"

_The truth will destroy her._

"I try my best to protect and help Severus-"

_But you lived._

"And you know how much I care for you-"

_That is of no relevance here. If you tell her the truth the innocent image of her benevolent father will be irreversibly destroyed. _

_Can love be destroyed by a mistake? _

_Was it, though? Would you have made the same decision again? She does not need to know, Albus, don't destroy another piece of her purity. _

"and you should know I would _never _ask such a thing of Severus."

_I am no Saint, boy. _

_She does not need to know that. Thank you, Albus. _

Serena's shoulders sagged with relief and she gave a sigh. "then why didn't you come back when he got hurt?" she whispered.

"I'm sure you've realised I have not really been on holiday, as you so overheard. I have been searching for something which I believe is integral to defeating Voldemort. I came so close, I was almost certain I had found it, but it will take me a good few weeks before I am certain of the spot."

"You've not been…"

He shook his head and she bit her lip, suddenly looking incredibly guilty. "but I just- I just shouted and- and-"

"Do not apologise, Serena," he said kindly. "I had that coming. I should have returned sooner. I was too caught up in the chase that I forgot to return to the real world. I am unbelievably relieved that Severus is doing okay-"

Severus raised his eyebrows and moved into the kitchen, shutting the door and putting the kettle on. He silenced the room and let out a low groan, rubbing his thigh to try and quench the pain that had been building quickly in the past half an hour. He needed his pain potion, but it was upstairs and he didn't think he could make it. He was also determined to not show such weakness in front of Albus.

He forced the pain to the back of his mind and concentrated hard on the silent apparition he had mastered. In a soft swoosh of robes he was standing weakly in their bedroom upstairs. He hobbled over to the stand and tipped back the potion, clenching his teeth for a full minute before it began to work. He sighed and apparated silently back downstairs. When he had made tea he hovered it on a tray in front of him and limped out.

Serena and Albus were sitting on the sofa, with her small smooth hand wrapped tightly in his old, wrinkled one.

"of course the time will come when I can explain all, my dear, but it will be yet another month before I am certain."

"That's okay," she sniffed, ribbing her eyes with her free hand. "I'm so sorry I doubted you Albus."

"I deserved it child. I should have written, at least."

Severus put the tea down a little too firmly but did not comment when it splashed over the table. "Sugar, Albus?" he asked through gritted teeth. "Or are you sweet enough?"

Albus gave him an unreadable stare and then shook his head, "two, if you will."

Severus glared and dropped them in before sitting back awkwardly in his own chair.

"- I will always keep your letters. I won't deny they brought a tear to my eye."

"Oh Albus…" she squeezed his hand and he smiled.

"Serena, hadn't you better inform Lupin you're okay?" Severus asked in a controlled voice. "He is probably frantic after seeing you act so strangely, and what with the floo being blocked."

"yes, you're right," she nodded, standing up. Severus stood up with her and from the miniscule jerk in his neck he asked her to join him in the kitchen.

She shot an apologetic look to Albus and followed him, shutting the door softly. Severus stepped close to her and used a quick charm to remove the dirt and traces of tears from her face. He brushed her hair back from her eyes and tucked it behind her ears before kissing her forehead tenderly. "I am proud of you," he rumbled in his deep voice, making her blush.

She stood on tiptoes and kissed his lips softly. "You're so angry."

He nodded. "I need you to stay in Grimmauld until I collect you. I need to report to Albus and then we have some things to discuss." his eyes narrowed and she knew that whatever it was it would not be a friendly conversation.

She was going to protest but she saw the determination in his eyes and gave a resigned nod. "Okay. Try to be rational and clear headed. I'll be waiting for you." She squeezed his fingers gently and went into the living room, giving Albus a quick hug before flooing through the recently unblocked fireplace.

When she arrived at Grimmauld Place, Remus was upon her immediately. "Is everything-"

"It's fine, it's fine," she insisted, shaking him off. "I shall explain all." She smiled to Sirius, Samuel and Harry who were playing a card game at the kitchen table, before she moved into the kitchen with Remus.

"well?"

She sighed and rubbed her eyes tiredly. "I was so angry with him. When I overheard your conversation a small part of me actually believed him. I thought he really had left us for his own amusement. I'm still angry though, Remus. I know what he was doing was important, but he knew Severus was badly hurt and is clever enough to work out the cause. And yet he still did not return…"

Remus rubbed her shoulder and grimaced. "Albus has his reasons… I imagine we would never understand how his mind works…"

She shrugged. "I guess it's in the past now…"

He nodded and poured her a drink. "here, come and join us."

She stayed for half an hour until Severus came to collect her and when he stepped through the floo he found her playing a muggle card game with Remus, Sirius, Samuel and Harry Potter. He scowled.

"Serena, get your things, we're leaving for Hogwarts," he muttered, walking into the kitchen and grabbing her coat. He was trying to suppress his limp as much as possible in front of these people and it was causing him more pain.

"I give the orders in this house, _Snivellus,_" Sirius smirked, standing up from the table.

Severus had shot a stunner at him so quickly he only just managed to duck out of the way. "Stop!stop!" Remus shouted, and he, Serena and Samuel all cast shield charms in between them.

Severus was snarling at the other man who had scrambled to his feet.

"don't tell me what I can and cannot say to my wife, Black, or it won't be a stunner I fucking send at you."

"speak to her like that again and she won't be your wife," he hissed. Serena sat down heavily and put her head in her hands, sighing as she looked between them, annoyed.

"you wish Black, you just can't believe she chose me-"

"you think I can't believe how a Master of potions can get a wife? Amortentia, isn't it called?"

Severus shot another hex at him but it rebounded off his shield and Remus started protesting again.

Serena sighed and stood up finally, not wanting it to go any further. "put your bloody wands away, both of you, you're being fucking ridiculous, come on Severus, let's go."

As the shield charms between them were undone, Severus and Sirius very slowly lowered their wands. He moved slowly to the doorway when Sirius couldn't help himself:

"you're just jealous I've had her too-"

He was not quick enough to jump out of the way of Severus' curse. He dashed his wand in a slash, sending a flame of purple towards Sirius. It hit him squarely in the chest and he collapsed on the floor, motionless.

Every froze. Remus was the quickest to act and he was by Sirius' side in a moment. "WHAT DID YOU DO?" he roared towards Severus, who raised his eyebrows in surprise; no one had seen Remus so angry.

"Severus?" Serena moved closed to him and looked into his eyes. "Is it serious?"

Severus scowled. "If not treated."

"then fucking treat him now!" Remus shouted, whipping out his wand and pointing it directly at Severus' chest.

He rolled his eyes and limped over to Sirius. With a murmur in something that sounded like Latin and a strange twirl of his wand, Sirius' eyes flickered and he began to move. He kept his wand pointing at Sirius' face and their eyes met, both of them narrowing.

"say something degrading about my wife again Black and I won't be so fast to administer the counter curse." With that, he swirled around and limped out of the door.

Serena looked at Remus with apologetic eyes.

He shook his head. "They're both as bad as each other, just Sirius was slower. Go on, follow him, I need to have words with this one for being so bloody childish."

She gave a small smile and squeezed his shoulder before nodding bye to the others and hurrying after Severus. He was waiting at the front door with a glare on his face.

"Don't you bloody start-" he snarled as he saw her disapproving look.

It was her turn to roll her eyes as she took his hand and linked her fingers through his. "I like it when you win," she smirked, before turning on the spot and apparating them away.


	118. Chapter 117

"Serena, come here, sit with me," he said softly, indicating a space on the sofa next to where he was stretched out. It was two in the afternoon and they were back in his living quarters at Hogwarts. Severus had ditched his robes and rolled his white shirt up to the elbows and had even undone a button at his neck. It appeared his talk with Albus had stressed him and he was currently sitting with his feet up on the sofa, a book in his hand and cushions propped up behind him.

Serena put her own book down and moved gracefully to sit between his legs, her back resting against his chest. He played with her hair in silence for a while before she relaxed into his embrace and closed her eyes.

"how are you feeling?" she asked him quietly.

"fine," he murmured, "my leg will take a few more days recovering I imagine."

"you shouldn't try and hide your limp-"

"I can do what I want," he said sharply, before sighing and speaking in a softer tone, "I do not like to show weakness; especially in front of Black… my limp should be gone soon. It'll just take some getting used to…"

"Severus…"

"yes, little one?" he sighed, kissing her temple and wrapping his arms around her waist. "what is it?"

"I… that spell you used…was it- is it- dark magic?" she asked hesitantly, tilting her head slightly so she could just see his expression from the corner of her eye.

He gave a deep sigh and nodded. "I had hoped you would not recognise it, I forget you are also educated in these domains. Yes, it was. I have no excuse."

"Would you be able to promise me not to use it in front of my friends again? Especially around Vinnie, some books say it can be harmful to babies."

"That's _unborn_ babies, but yes, I shall not do it again, I am sorry I lost my temper."

She shrugged and kissed his hand before nuzzling it against her face comfortingly. "he started it."

"Stupid mutt," he muttered, scowling.

She gave a small smile and nudged him in the ribs.

"cheeky," he murmured, nipping her ear with his teeth lightly.

She laughed softly and he gave a low chuckle that vibrated through her body. It was only then that she realised Severus' hands had pulled up her t shirt and were tracing soft circles on her skin.

"Severus?"

He made no reply but his hands moved up under her shirt and grasped her breasts through her bra, moulding the soft skin firmly as she moaned softly in appreciation.

"Severus-"

"We have not made love in almost… God it's been over a week I believe…"

"I know," she said, sounding uncomfortable, "but Sev your leg and-"

"My leg is fine, I won't move much-"

"but your energy levels are low and-"

"Serena," he said quietly, his smooth voice sending chills down her spine, "I _need _you."

"Oh fuck Severus really?" she exclaimed, turning around and speaking quickly. I've been wanting to shag you senseless since you came back from Him and you were ill and in pain and I didn't want to say but I was so scared and then relieved and-"

He kissed her and she groaned against his hot mouth, fumbling for her wand as she vanished both their clothes and grabbed his hand, pulling him into the bedroom and slamming the door behind them.

"_fuck,"_ she panted as she lay sprawled on the bed, a layer of thin sweat covering her body and the smell of sex strong in the air.

Severus grunted in response and her hand blindly found his in the dark room. "I'm not going to be able to walk for a week," she sighed contentedly. "if this is what you're like with a bad leg maybe I should make a few adjustments to the other one too."

He gave a deep chuckle and squeezed her hand with the little energy he has left.

"what time is it?" he murmured. "we have an Order meeting tonight, six o' clock, compulsory for the inner circle."

"five o clock," she yawned, rolling over and wrapping her naked body close to his and swinging a thigh across his front.

"then shift, witch, I need to tell Minerva."

She made a disappointed sound and rested her head on his chest. "I thought maybe we could have another go…" Her hand trailed down his chest and stomach suggestively before he caught it in his own hand. "nice try you insatiable wench" he muttered, rolling her over and climbing out of the bed. "I'm showering and then I'm going and don't even think about trying to distract me or we'll be late."

"bastard," she pouted. He smirked and walked unabashedly naked across the room before disappearing into the shower. He was out in less than five minutes and fully dressed in ten. He kissed her goodbye and squeezed her breast teasingly before leaving.

She sighed and sat up. If he had gone then there was no point in her staying. She showered and threw on some muggle clothes before leaving under the invisibility cloak. She walked a few corridors away before taking it off and then she headed for the Gryffindor tower. When she came across the Gryffindor portrait of the Fat Lady she was greeted by a raise of a wine glass.

"ah, Professor Lake…" she said mysteriously before swinging forward and letting Serena step into the cosy red and gold common room.

There were only three of four Gryffindors there when she stepped through, most were still away for Easter before lessons resumed in two days.

"Professor Lake?" Hermione Granger said politely, standing up and wandering over to her. "Is everything okay?"

"Yes, just fine," she smiled. "Is Harry Potter about?"

Hermione sent the Weasley boy upstairs and he came down with Harry. "a word if you please, Potter?" she said, before walking out into the corridor. He followed her looking slightly confused but he did not say anything.

When she was sure there was no one listening she turned to him and raised her eyebrows. "Harry, you look terrible."

He snorted with amusement and gave a brief smile. "I'm fine, just exams and things…"

"You're not sleeping well, are you?"

He shrugged and she had to work to make him look at her, making a mental note of how damn tall he was- she had to look up the slightest bit.

"Harry you're not practicing, are you?"

"I'm trying," he said forcefully. "I am, but I just can't do it Prof- Serena. I'm sorry, but I'm just not strong enough."

"Then we'll have to keep trying, won't we. You can't give up, Harry."

"Well at least I know what he's doing like this. I can keep an eye on him; give information to Dumbledore, well if he'd even look at me. Is there any news on where he is?"

She shrugged, "I have no clue where he is right now, but we must work hard Harry. He wouldn't have set this task if he didn't think it was important."

"If it was really important he'd have taught me himself," he said bitterly. "he won't even look at me…"

"Albus has his reasons… we must trust him and try to improve this situation in any way we can, okay?"

He gave a half hearted shrug.

"we will have another lesson tomorrow evening, seven o clock, come to my classroom rather than my quarters, if you will."

"yes Professor…"

"My door is always open for you, Harry."

"thank you."

She watched as he went back into the common room and sighed: another thing she had to worry about.

Half an hour later she stood in the kitchen in Grimmauld Place, trying to stop Sirius from glaring at Severus.

"stop it, it's your fault he got you."

"Shut up, I could have had him if-"

"Sirius, please?"

He sighed and shrugged before having the nerve to put his arm around her shoulder.

"you are a bastard," she smiled at him, causing him to laugh.

"I can't help it, you'll have to tell Lavinia all these stories, you know, when she's old enough."

"I bloody will! She'll hear nothing but how her Fathers were immature pricks!"

He laughed again but at that moment they were interrupted by Severus' dark figure looming over them.

"would you mind getting your hands off my wife, _Black?_" he snarled, gripping his wand tightly.

"terribly sorry, _Snivellus_, I can't help it, you see."

Serena rolled her eyes, shrugging out of his grasp and firmly manoeuvring Severus away as the meeting began.

**A/N: forgot to mention the curse Severus used in the last chapter was the one Hermione got hit by in the Department of Mysteries, although with severus' counter curse it is much quicker to heal! Also, i wasn't entirely sure if teachers that aren't Head of Houses could get into the common rooms. I looked everywhere but no where seemed to say for definate, does anyone know? **

**Thanks for being patient with me, next chapter should be up on the 27th to mark one year of WML :D **


	119. Chapter 118

**A/N: a doublymassive chapter today to celebrate one whole year of WML. The end is nigh, but not too nigh i hope, still got lots of Sev/Serena adventures to come before the end. Thank you to all of you for sticking with me, i hope you enjoy reading as much as i love writing. **

* * *

"Severus… I hope you will not be angry with me, but I asked Albus to give us next Saturday off from Hogsmeade duties…"

"and are you going to tell me why?" he asked, raising his eyebrows and handing her a cup of warm milk he had heated up in the kitchen. He sat on the sofa in his Hogwarts quarters next to her, but she did not settle back into his arms. She was sitting straight, her back to him and her shoulders tense as she cradled the warm mug between her hands.

"I… I have been thinking and I want to get rid of the house my parents lived in. Legally it is mine and I have never touched it or thought about it, but recently, after everything that has happened I simply want to sever ties completely from it…"

He let the silence go on until she eventually turned to look at him and then he nodded. "I was unaware you still had a house in your possession."

"like I said, I don't think about it."

"have you been back there, since..?"

She shook her head and nibbled her bottom lip as she always did when she was worried and he ran his hand lightly up her back to soothe her.

"I will have to discuss this with Albus. It is possible there may be wards on the house, from your Father watching for your return. It is even possible that he is living there-"

"I don't think he can enter without my position. Because they got life imprisonment, well… supposedly… their property immediately goes to me."

"Hm, I believe you are right however it is still risky. We shall have to be disguised, or perhaps use the invisibility cloak. What is it you plan to do?"

She shrugged and spoke quietly. "collect photos and read childhood stories… sharpen my knife and destroy the sins of the past…"

Somehow Severus believed it would be the latter and he frowned deeply. "Serena, are you sure-"

"I need to cut him off, Severus. I can't be tied to him like this."

He sighed. "I shall perhaps ask Tonks if she will accompany us, it would be helpful to have an auror handy if someone does arrive."

She shrugged. "I am safe with you, Severus, and you forget that I, also, am a powerful witch."

He smiled at that. "I know my little devil, I know, but I also know how emotions can distract you- no don't get me wrong- I do not criticise this. It makes you who you are. I am merely stating an obvious weakness."

"Then bring an auror if it makes you feel better."

"hmm… I shall strongly consider it, if we perhaps apparated earlier to-"

"um… I was hoping we could take a car…"

"a what?"

"a car, I mean, I know they're not as fast but- well, I like driving and I've already hired one and it will be nice to just talk for a while and have some peaceful time to ourselves where we can just laugh and not fear being watched or overheard…"

"and you plan to do this in a car?"

"You can't drive, you don't understand."

He grunted and then shrugged. "the bloody things I do for you, witch."

She smiled at that and eventually leant back into his embrace, the tenseness in her shoulders fading very slightly.

"sleep, little one," he murmured in her ear. "I shall watch over you."

* * *

A week later, Severus and Serena sat in the front of a rather fast car, a rucksack jammed between Severus' knees, on the way to muggle Cardiff.

"-just can't believe the bloody stupidity of some of these students, I'm telling you. It's their O. and they just don't seem to care."

"_dunderheads_," Severus scowled, "I have never met anybody as incompetent as Longbottom. If he gets better than a Troll I'll eat my hat."

"you don't have a hat," she pouted, glancing at him before returning her gaze to the road.

He smirked, "fine, I'll eat Albus' hat."

She laughed and squeezed his thigh with her free hand. "He'd kill you."

"He would indeed."

"Severus?"

"Serena," he replied dryly.

"Do you… have any family left, at all?"

"no," he replied shortly. "they are gone. And good riddance."

She gave a thoughtful nod. "me neither, seeing as I refuse to recognise my biological murdering bint of a Father…"

"good," he muttered quietly.

"I guess we're stuck with each other then, huh?"

He chuckled, "you're only just realising? You stuck yourself to me a long time ago Mrs Snape."

"God and wasn't that the happiest day of my life?" she sighed, glancing at him again and smiling when he met her gaze. "I can still remember every detail, you know. Sometimes I even sneak into your office and use your pensieve to relive it over and over… sometimes I stand at the front, with you, or sometimes I follow myself walking down the aisle. I've even sat in the crowd once before…"

"Such a narcissist," he murmured before flashing to her a rare genuine smile. "I believe it was one of the happiest days of my life too."

"What were the others?"

"Must you ask these questions?" he huffed, gazing out at the fields as they whizzed by.

"humour me? You're never in such a good mood to answer them but now it's looking promising."

He snorted and only just refrained from rolling his eyes.

"our wedding… the day we first got together… the time…" he hesitated and then cleared his throat. "the time you first saw my dark mark and yet accepted me for who I was… and our honeymoon, of course- the night we went looking at the bees…"

"that was magical," she beamed. "I will never forget that either, it made me fall in love with you all over again."

"not a difficult feat, I assure you Madam."

"ah well yes, I did have to elbow several other keen witches out of the way too," she smirked. "It appears your charming nature and polite and gentle sentiment is extremely attractive. Especially with those sexy billowing robes you wear and your uncanny similarity to a dungeon bat."

"Ah yes well, I had the honour of battling with the other bunch of men searching for their emotionally unstable, often violent, alcoholic, element controlling, love of their god damned life too, and I only just managed to survive."

"often violent?" she exclaimed, smacking his leg with the back of her hand. He winced visibly and gasped but she rolled her eyes and sent him a reluctant smile. "nice try, your leg stopped hurting two days ago."

"yes but if aggravated…"

"I really will aggravate you in a moment and then you shall be sorry."

"Is that a threat, witch?"

"I wouldn't dream of it."

"hmm."

He smirked at her and then sat back in his chair, closing his eyes and relaxing. "I'm glad you decided to drive, although you are going much too fast."

"stop criticising."

"slow down then."

"do you want to drive?" she asked impatiently. "no, I didn't think so, so shut up and enjoy the ride."

"Don't mind if I apply a cushioning charm on the dashboard then? Just in case."

She whacked him lightly again and he chuckled deeply.

They arrived in the city at around two in the afternoon. Serena became quieter and quieter the closer they got to the estate and when Severus suggested they park a few streets away she squeaked and slammed on the brakes. They sat in silence for a moment, ignoring the hooting car that whizzed past them angrily.

"I am scared," she admitted eventually.

"I know. But remember, I am here and the aurors are only a moment away- Tonks gave me the word to call them, there will not be a problem."

"I'm not scared of that… well, I am, but… not as much."

"then what?"

"I'm scared of… memories…"

He understood and gave a small nod. "park the car, we shall walk on foot now."

She parked the car on the side of a road around the corner and Severus applied a gentle glamour charm to them both before slinging the rucksack over his shoulder and taking Serena's hand. They walked hand in hand along the street until they rounded a corner and Serena stopped. "It's that one…"

He had recognised it from the memories he had seen so long ago. Memories of a child running up the drive screaming, begging her parents to be merciful."

The house stood in the very corner of the street. Hedges had overgrown and nearly blocked it from site and weeds reached up from the driveway. The windows were dirty and stained and they were dark and daunting. Serena clutched his hand tightly as he assessed the place quickly. "I need you to stay here whilst I check it over-"

"no, no, please, please don't leave me, I'll come with you-"

"Serena-"

"Sev, please, I can help, please."

He sighed, "very well, stay close to my side." He released her hand so he could grasp his wand and she clutched onto his sleeve, walking right next to him nervously, taking deep breaths through her mouth to try and calm herself.

He cast privacy charms around them and they began to approach the house. Serena was trembling now, but he kept moving and led her up the driveway slowly. He cast as many defensive charms he could think of around them and then began the spells to detect people. After five full minutes he lowered his wand. "no one. As far as I can tell no one has been here for years."

She nodded vigorously and took his hand again.

"shall we?" he said, watching her closely.

She nodded again and reached out with a trembling hand, touching the rusty front door with her hand. It glowed for a moment and then swung forward.

"Was that-"

"blood magic," she finished bitterly. "My parents were pureblood wizards to the full. They made me complete that rather nasty and painful ward when I was six years old. You know better than I what is involved…"

Severus gritted his teeth, wishing with all his might that he'd killed her Father when he had the chance. She took a deep breath and squeezed his hand again before stepping over the threshold. They moved through the dark hall and the door shut behind them, making Serena jump violently. "hush, do not panic," he murmured. "I am here."

She nodded again and turned to the door on her right, pushing it open very carefully. The furniture lay as she had remembered it except now it was covered in a fine layer of dust, looking old and forgotten. She pointed to an armchair separate from the rest, covered in plastic sheeting. "that was mine. They did not want me to dirty their furniture."

The bitter tone in her voice was strong and Severus put his arm around her and kissed her temple, murmuring softly in her ear, "so brave, little one. So brave for me."

She leant into his side for a moment before turning and moving back through the hallway and into a kitchen that looked in the same state as the previous room.

"It seems so normal at first sight…" he said quietly. "but then you notice little things. There are no pictures, no child's toys, or teenager's gadgets. no comforts."

"this house was anything but comfortable…"

They moved back, opening the door into the down-stairs bathroom and then moving past the stairs and hesitating at the back room. She let her hand linger over the door handle for a moment before letting it drop to her side. "I can't-" she said, her voice breaking. "I… this is where…"

"This is where they killed them," he finished for her. "I recognise the room from the memories I watched."

"of course," she said quietly.

"I am here, Serena, and they are gone, you can do this."

She nodded and very slowly with trembling fingers, she reached out and pushed the door open.

Her sharp intake of breath was the only indication that she was seeing the room. Her face was passive, dead, unrevealing, and her stance was stiff and unfeeling. Severus moved his gaze from her and looked into the room. What was left of the furniture was in pieces and splinters across one wall to the left. The wallpaper was gone and the plaster was cracked and cold. What sickened him was the centre of the room. Bare and empty apart from two, overturned wooden chairs. The chairs the victims had been bound to.

Serena suddenly turned and retched, bending over and clutching her stomach as her stomach tried to splutter out the little food she had eaten that morning. She tasted bile in her throat but nothing came up and she was forced to taste it and swallow it back down. Severus rubbed her back soothingly and pulled her slowly away from the room, shutting the door firmly. "fresh air," he murmured, taking her outside and sitting her on the garden wall that lined the drive. He knelt in front of her, looking straight ahead into her watery eyes.

"I'm so proud of you, little one."

She sniffed and ran her fingers along his cheek that was glittering and shifting slightly from the glamour he wore.

"I am so glad you're here… I haven't even made it upstairs yet…"

"we have time, don't worry. Would you like me to start vanishing the furniture downstairs?"

She gave a jerk of her head and Severus left her sitting there on the wall as he stepped back into the house. He vanished everything in the living room, sickened by the proof that they had treated her as an animal, rather than the daughter she was. He treated the kitchen much the same but something in the cupboards puzzled him. There was a wizarding wireless radio in the corner but no matter how hard he tried it would not disappear, be summoned or destroyed. He even tried _reducto_ on it to no avail.

He cleared out the back room, trying not to think about the disgusting acts that had gone on here and then made his way back outside. "Serena, I need you to see this."

She nodded and walked over to him, her face determined and strong. He showed her the wireless and she shrugged. "I wasn't allowed to touch it."

He frowned and inspected the dial on the top carefully. "did they ever play music from it"

"no."

He cast a few charms over it and then frowned. "It's got protection shields all over it… I believe a code must be entered. See the dial on the top? It wants an entry, much like a muggle safe."

"A muggle what?"

"a safe, never mind. Can you think of any numbers that meant anything to your parents? I believe it's six digits."

She shrugged, "perhaps their birthdates? Or wedding day?"

She tried them both but nothing happened and she shrugged.

"you birthday?"

She scoffed and gave a humourless laugh. "I don't think so. The day when they were given a child they did not want? A girl that was no use whatsoever as an heir?"

"forgive me," he said quietly.

She shook her head and squeezed his hand. "It's fine… erm… something that meant a lot to them…" She sighed and leant back against the counter. "I can't think… unless…" She turned back to the dial and inputted six numbers. There was a faint glow around the wireless before the kitchen cupboard below it opened. They both knelt down, Severus taking care to shield Serena with his body in case anything should happen. A panel had been drawn back from the bottom of the cupboard, revealing a small space, big enough to fit a small animal in. It was crammed full with many different objects, some sparkling and whirling, others looking dead and lifeless. There were a few books and a large stash of galleons and three other Gringotts keys.

Serena's mouth dropped open. "shit."

"what did you try?"

"the Dark Lord's birthday," she said bitterly.

She reached forward to touch something and Severus smacker her arm, glaring at her.

"don't be bloody stupid, they're all dark artefacts, you could have your hand blown off."

She froze for a moment and then gave an embarrassed nod. "sorry."

He took a coin out of his pocket and span it three times. "the aurors." They waited ten seconds and there were six sudden loud cracks. Serena jumped violently and her hand clenched her wand but she took a deep breath and went to let the aurors that had arrived into the house. Two of them came into the kitchen whilst two patrolled the area and the other two went upstairs.

"wotcher," Tonks smiled, winking at Serena and then sobering as she saw Severus' glare. "Thought you were calling us if there was trouble? Professor?" she added hastily

"There are dark artefacts in here; you'll need to get the DOM in here."

Her eyes widened as she saw the stash and her hair darkened a shade to a chestnut colour. "I see. Roger, go call the unspeakables, they'll have a field day with this lot."

The auror she was with apparated away silently and Tonks rubbed Serena's arm. "you okay pet? You're looking ghastly pale."

She shrugged and leant into Severus' side now the other aurors were out of sight.

"Tell your men to come down from upstairs, Serena and I have some finishing off to do up there."

She nodded and gave a shout to the two and when they came down Serena and Severus ascended the stairs together. He took her hand and drew her close to him at the top. "Which one was theirs?"

She pointed to a shut door on the left and he opened it carefully. "Just wait a moment." He scanned it for dark magic or artefacts but found nothing and he let her in. It appeared the money had been spent on this room. It was made of Slytherin greens and silvers, a grand four poster bed stood in the middle with furniture of rich mahogany around it. He walked cautiously over to the wardrobe and opened it. It was strange to see the clothes of people from years ago, hanging there untouched, waiting to be worn again. He vanished it all with a wave of his wand.

"I've only seen this room about twice…" Serena said quietly from the doorway. "I was never allowed in as a child, I had to sneak in when they were out."

"Show me your room."

Serena turned and walked across the landing, pausing outside another door. She took a few deep breaths and Severus placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, encouraging her on. She pushed open the door and stepped in.

The bare walls were painted a faded blue and there was a wooden floor. A bed with a broken mattress and a thin blanket stood against one wall and a small wooden chair sat against the other. There was a chest of two draws against the dusty window and a teddy bear with one ear missing was lying on the floor beneath it. That was all. No toys or games, no posters or bright colours, no comfort blankets or musical trinkets: just necessities.

She walked over to the chest of draws and knelt down beside it. Opening the top draw with shaking hands she pulled out her clothes- jeans and t shirts that would probably still fit her now. Severus saw tears running down her cheeks and he knelt beside her cautiously. "The amount of clothes you have strongly resembles the amount I did… I can see why you insist on buying a new dress for every occasion now."

She gave a small laugh and tried to smile at him. "It feels so strange…"

"I know, sweet, I know…"

She folded the clothes neatly again and put them back in the small draw before shutting it and then opening the bottom one. In here rested her books. "Kingsley gave me all of these…" she said sadly, stroking the spines. "They were for the things he was tutoring me… English, Maths, Charms, Transfiguration, Potions…"

"Shall we take them with us?"

She gave a sniff and then nodded and he opened the backpack and placed them in carefully. She then turned and crawled over to the mattress on her knees. She took her wand and seemed to search for a place for a moment before opening a slit on the side. She reached her hand in and pulled out a small purple velvet bag, another book and a group of photographs.

She pocketed the bag that he worked out contained money and handed him the book. "This may as well come with us too…" Severus glanced down at the title: _Secrets of the Darkest Days by Astoria Creedy. _

"Tasteful," he muttered, making her smile.

She sat down on the floor comfortably so that he could see the photos as she looked through them. The first was of a much younger Serena, perhaps about thirteen. She was with two muggle boys at a park somewhere and they both had their arms around her. Her face was tanned and her hair was cropped short and had a pink streak in it at the front.

"that was my first boyfriend," she mused, pointing to the boy on her right. He was a bit taller than her, skinny with black hair and black clothes.

He scoffed, "glad to see you've improved your taste."

She gave a small laugh, "I don't know Severus, looking at the two of you now, you actually look pretty similar."

"How dare you insult me in this way, Madam."

She laughed and then turned her eyes back to the picture, growing silent. The next one was just her and the one boy, holding hands and trying to hide themselves from the camera. The one after was of her and Kingsley and it moved magically. They both looked so much younger. They sat at what he assumed to be Kingsley's kitchen table with books and papers spread everywhere. They were laughing at the camera and occasionally waving and then smiling at each other.

Serena wiped away her tears. "Samuel took that… I'll have to show it to him tomorrow…"

"Indeed. You look so young there, but it is odd to think that it is probably just nine years ago…"

"yeah…" She turned to the next one and smiled sadly. It was of her and Kingsley again, pulling faces at the camera. When she turned the next one they were back at the beginning and she sniffed, standing up and pocketing them carefully. "We're done here," she said eventually. "I need to go. Now."

She led the way downstairs and went to wait by the car whilst Severus talked to Tonks. The findings had been taken back to the Ministry to be examined. He readjusted the rucksack and made his way back to the car. Serena was leaning against the bonnet with a cigarette in her hand. He raised his eyebrows as he approached and she nodded towards the group of boys walking away behind her. "friendly neighbours, apparently I'm still recognised."

He took the cigarette out of her hand and sniffed it, frowning. "Is this weed?"

She shrugged. "If I smoke I do it to relax, not to kill myself."

"ah yes, whereas this will accomplish both, and I'll die too no doubt if you're driving."

She shrugged again and sat in the car, shutting the door behind her. He took a deep breath, warning himself to be patient before sitting back in the passenger seat.

"what did they say?" he asked quietly, nodding towards the boys.

"Said they recognised my face, and what with the car I was driving… they used to call me 'Serene Serena.'"

"because of your cool, controlled head?" he asked disbelievingly.

She snorted, "it was ironic. Because I was a fucking, terrifying, lunatic, off-my-face bitch. They liked me though. It was good to be recognised. Felt like I actually made a mark on people… you know?"

"Ah yes, teaching them how to roll spliffs were you?"

She glared at him and blinked her watery eyes away. "fuck off."

He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath. "I apologise, I am being hypocritical, I would be lying if I denied I have never smoked a spliff before, although I assure you I did not voluntarily. I strongly disprove of such things, it's utterly stupid. I would advise you to refrain from such activities in the future."

"mm."

"And if you insist, at least smoke a normal cigarette. And learn the spells to vanish the rubbish it puts inside your lungs, and the one to get rid of the smell, it's disgusting."

She turned to look at him with large brown eyes and he couldn't look away from her sad gaze. "Thank you for coming with me today."

"it's okay, little one, it's just fine."

"Take me home, Severus?"


	120. Chapter 119

**A/N: i'm sorry, i haven't updated in ages. It's been the most stressful week of my life :/ and i think next week will be worse! This chapter contains a lot of talking i suppose, but if you're clever enough to spot the cliffhanger you'll see action is coming up... Thanks for reading, drop a review if you want me to update quicker but i promise i'll do my best! **

* * *

Severus had arranged with one of the muggle-loving aurors to return the car for them, and after a short stop for an evening meal at a nearby café he held Serena to him and apparated them back to Hogwarts.

"where are we?" Serena asked, looking at the unfamiliar trees around them.

"It's the back secret entrance Dumbledore gave me use of if I returned from a revel injured… I used to use it before I had someone waiting for my return…"

She nestled into his side and he wrapped his cloak around her and began to walk through the trees.

"Is this the forbidden forest?"

"It is," he said quietly, walking along a path that looked as though it hadn't been used in years and lighting his wand to guide their way.

They walked for a minute or two before Severus tensed and slowed their pace. "It is rude to spy on your friends, Bane."

There was a rustle of branches and a great centaur stepped out from the trees to their left. Serena gasped and clenched her wand but Severus bowed his head in respect.

"long time, no see," he said quietly.

"I thought you would return tonight," the centaur said mysteriously.

"I am sure you did, Bane."

"And I knew you would bring another. This is your mate?"

"It is."

The centaur stepped forward a few cautious paces and Serena's hand tightened around Severus' waist. His grey eyes pierced her carefully and she found it hard to look away from them.

"She is troubled," he stated in his deep voice, leaning closer to her. "But your bond is most strong… stronger, perhaps, than one I have ever seen before… I shall consult the stars. They are most bright tonight."

"Indeed," Severus replied quietly, surprising Serena by waiting patiently for Bane to stop staring at the sky.

"Venus has aligned most abnormally," he commented, before sighing and turning his gaze back to the castle.

"I bid you good night, Severus, Serena. I will await your next visit." With that, Bane turned and melted back into the dark forest, leaving them standing alone, shivering in the dark.

"Severus… how did he know my name?"

Severus gave a low chuckle and began walking through the trees again. She hurried to wrap herself in his cloak again and he rubbed her arm.

Serena was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow that night and Severus smiled as he curled his body around her carefully and followed suit. He had brewing for the Dark Lord to complete that next day and she went off to Grimmauld Place to show Samuel the photo he had taken of her and Kingsley, many years ago.

"my word," he murmured, taking it from her as she sat down at the kitchen table next to him. "I remember the day perfectly… Was this not the time he taught you to cook a lasagne?"

She laughed and nodded. "I believe it was. And I failed miserably, I might add."

"I remember vividly, I had to eat the disgusting thing."

She laughed and he gave a low rumble that reminded her so much of Kingsley. "I'd like you to keep it, Samuel… I have so many photos of Kingsley and I doubt you have many…"

"you are sure?" he asked her carefully, smiling when she nodded her confirmation. "Max!" he called, beckoning his son over from where he was playing cards with Remus. "come and see this. Can you guess who this is?"

He pointed to the young girl and Max bit his lip and scratched his head most comically. "Um… Is it Aunty 'Reena?"

She laughed and nodded. "yes, well done."

"and do you remember who is with her?"

"you Daddy!" he exclaimed, looking between the picture and his smiling father.

"nope, but you're close. This is Daddy's brother, you remember Uncle Kingsley, when you were small?"

"uh- huh, I do. But he's gone now, isn't he, Daddy?"

"yes, son, he is."

"Sometimes, I miss him."

"I think we all do, Max," Serena said, smiling slightly and ruffling his hair to distract herself from the lump she felt forming in her throat.

At that moment the kitchen door opened and Sirius walked in grinning, with Lavinia tied in a bundle resting across his chest and secured by knots around his waist. "who wants pancakes?" he asked the room.

"What's got you in a good mood?" Remus asked, walking to give him a lingering kiss and then stroking the cheek of the tiny baby that peered out the side of her blanket through sleepy eyes.

"this tiny bundle of joy," he smiled. "she's been feeding so well this morning and hasn't cried once."

"hello beautiful," Serena murmured, taking a peek at her little face too.

"hello to you too," Sirius replied, laughing and giving her hand a squeeze. "pancake, Serena?"

"go on then, twist my wand."

They sat around the table, talking and laughing quietly about random things, such as Sirius' past disastrous haircuts and Samuel's tattoos.

At two o' clock Severus arrived, clad in black jeans and a black shirt with his heavy boots. He joined them silently, giving Serena's cheek a brush with the back of his hand before accepting Remus' offer of a drink.

"How are things up at the school?" Remus asked grimly.

"Horrible," Serena answered. "Umbridge has made a dozen new rules; did you know the kids aren't even allowed to touch each other now if they're of opposite sex? They have to stay a certain distance apart, Merlin it's ridiculous. I've taken to giving out chocolate in my classes to the kids that she's taken out her power on."

"I can't believe the Ministry are allowing this…" Samuel said quietly.

"Yeah well they haven't even accepted Voldemort's back have they," Sirius added, smirking when Severus tensed in pain at hearing the name. Serena placed her hand on his thigh reassuringly and he relaxed again. "Honestly, it's ridiculous, these people are running the bloody country-"

"no swearing around Max," Samuel scolded.

"Or Vinnie," Remus added and Sirius gave a smile and apologised as he looked down at the baby girl now sleeping against his chest.

He wrapped his arms lightly around the bundle and spoke quieter. "we need to work on a plan to get Fudge out of office…"

"Impossible, surely, we don't have enough people high up…" Remus said.

"It's not impossible, it's a stupid idea," Severus interrupted, glaring at Sirius. "better we have a stupid man in control than a reckless one, or even worse- one controlled as a puppet by the Dark Lord."

Sirius opened his mouth to snap something offensive but it felt shut again as Lavinia did a tiny yawn and Remus and Sirius 'aw-ed' in unison. He chuckled instead and shrugged, "you know more about it I suppose."

Severus made a non committal noise and they were interrupted by the floo activating and Minerva stepping through. "good afternoon everyone," she greeted, taking off her witch's hat and taking a seat next to Severus. "how are we all?"

They all replied apart from Severus, although his eyes did soften when she patted his hand lightly. "Are your classes ready for more of their exams tomorrow?" she asked.

"I'm pretty confident," Serena replied. "Most of their charms are up to scratch, even the Slytherins- they're doing really well this year."

"I have heard reports from other teachers also," Minerva replied. "It must be Severus' good mood rubbing off on them."

"Honestly Minerva, how dare you suggest such a thing," he answered dryly, raising his eyebrows when she gave a small laugh.

"well now, I'm only speaking what everyone else is thinking. Little Colin Creevey came to me the other week, asking if you were okay."

He scoffed, "what did that bloody boy want? I haven't seen anyone as bad as him since Neville Longbottom."

"He said he was concerned because you were sitting at your desk in one of his lessons, staring at the wall and _smiling_."

The others laughed and Serena gave a cheeky smile.

"Is it your fault, dear?" Minerva asked, leaning round Severus to wink at her. "I don't think I want to know what you were doing the night before."

"Minnie!" Severus scolded, glaring at her boldness, but Serena leant over and whispered something in his ear. It took all his strength not to smirk at the remembrance of their night, but his eyes gleamed with a lusty haze for a moment before he rolled them and stood up.

"I must go, I have more brewing to do."

"I shall come with you then," Serena smiled, "wait a moment whilst I say bye to Max." She skipped through to the living room and said bye to the dark haired boy who was playing with a toy model of the Hogwarts Express on the carpet.

She waved bye to the others, after stroking Vinnie's cheek and ruffling Sirius' hair to annoy him, and stepped into the floo after Severus.

They brewed together all evening and retired early, ready to be up to calm nervous students the next morning. As they were having their lunch in the potions classroom a message came for Severus.

"Bloody Umbridge wants me," he muttered, reading the scrap of pink scented paper. "She wants Veritaserum, probably got another dunderhead to destroy."

"what are you going to do?" she asked, putting down her sandwich and frowning.

He shrugged and grabbed his cloak. "tell her I don't have any."

She smirked, "good plan."

"mm," he kissed her lightly before striding out of the door in full bastard-teacher mode.


	121. Chapter 120

**A/N: jjust a quickie chapter between revision and waiting for doctor who to start. Hope you like it, sorry to leave you on a cliffie, i'll try to update after my first exam on wednesday, thanks for reading and for all your reviews! love you guys so much :D **

Serena was passing the great hall, watching the examiners clear up the tables from the previous exam, when she felt the burn in her back pocket.

Her hand reached around and quickly pulled out her galleon that was burning a deep red colour. It cooled as soon as she read the letters on its face: _HQ._

_Shit_, she thought, turning sharply and running towards the front doors of the castle. Her purple robes billowed behind her and she was glad she had put on her boots, rather than ordinary shoes that morning. She grasped her wand as she ran, trying to regulate her breathing as Severus had taught her.

Severus had handed out those golden coins a few months back, another one of his added security techniques, and as a solution to sending quicker messages to Order members. He hated how disorganised Albus was and had begun to take over many important parts of the Order of the Phoenix's planning. He had coded the coins- yellow meant not urgent but come if possible, orange meant urgent, and red demanded your presence immediately- it meant danger.

The moment she stepped across the Hogwarts boundary she apparated straight into the kitchen at Grimmauld Place, landing like a cat in a duelling stance, ready to fight whatever was in her path. "fuck!" she hissed when she realised there were no masked death eaters or other threats in the kitchen. Remus ran to her, his wand drawn in one hand and Lavinia held against his shoulder in the other.

"Severus sent you?"

She nodded, and he beckoned for her to approach the table. A great map was spread out and she squinted at the plans of what looked like a building. Samuel, Sirius, Remus, Arthur and Tonks were gathered around it and Tonks was speaking quickly, pointing at certain sections with her wand and enlarging them.

"what's going on?" she asked Remus as Sirius came to take the baby from him so he could explain to Serena properly. She watched for a moment as he rocked her back and forth in his arms, singing softly and then turned her attention back to Remus.

"Harry had a vision that Voldemort has Sirius in the Department of Mysteries in the Ministry. He tried to floo over here and check using Umbridge's fire but we were all upstairs with Vinny so he thought we were gone. He's grabbed some friends and we think they've gone there. Severus has gone to follow the lead, the last sighting was of them going into the bloody Forbidden Forest with Umbridge-"

There was a swish of robes and quick footsteps as Severus entered the room. "they are gone," he announced shortly. "from their magical traces and the word of the centaurs I would say they arrived at the Ministry ten minutes ago."

The floo activated again and Molly Weasley stepped through, pressing a handkerchief to her swollen eyes. "here, here, give me the baby, I'll wait for you..."

Remus and Sirius both gave Lavinia a gentle kiss before reluctantly handing her to Molly.

Tonks continued speaking and redirected everyone's attention. "-strategy plan three, arrive in twos in the main foyer just in case, and then apparate in defensive position B, followed by Beta Seven Duelling groups, with me?"

Everyone nodded and geared themselves for the battle. "Leaving in forty five seconds," Sirius called.

Serena pulled her hair back into a ponytail and adjusted her robe when Severus swept upon her, pushing her into the back wall of the room, away from the others. "you're staying here," he ordered, glaring into her eyes in a way that made it clear he wanted no arguments.

"I don't bloody think so," she scoffed.

"Somebody needs to tell Albus what happens when he arrives, he's just got the message but he's overseas searching for something and it will take him a short while to return, long distance apparition is more taxing the older you become."

"Molly can tell him-"

"Serena, do not argue with me!" he snapped, loud enough for everybody to turn their heads in their direction.

"Then stop being fucking ridiculous! You expect me to remain whilst my friends risk their lives-"

"you are not risking yours for bloody Potter!"

"I'll risk it for whoever I want!"

"No! Don't make me stun you-" he growled, his eyes flashing dangerously.

She made to push away from him but he grabbed her shoulder with one hand and her face in the other and forced her back against the wall, making her look at him. "Serena, I will not let you do this!" He ordered forcefully, his eyes burning into her own as his grip tightened and she winced.

"You have no choice!" she growled, shaking her head and pushing his hand away. "Severus, I ask you to trust me!"

"ten seconds!" Sirius called, glancing uneasily at the fighting couple.

"I do! I do not trust the likes of fucking Bellatrix-"

"and neither do I! Severus, I know you fear for me, but you have seen my powers and I am capable, more capable perhaps than most in this room. I understand it is difficult-"

"We need to go now!" Sirius shouted.

"One minute!" Severus growled, shooting a furious glare at a scowling Sirius.

"it's difficult-" Serena continued quickly, "for you, both your Masters ordered you out of the battle, but I know your plan anyway. Stick by me if you feel you can, but I do not need shielding from this. I can fight, I'm no coward."

Severus glared at her for a moment before swearing loudly and grabbing her face again, this time to kiss her long and hard. "you better be right witch," he hissed. "There's no second chances."

She grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze as he pulled on the Invisibility cloak and secured it to him with a few spells. She rushed towards the group waiting by the fire and grabbed Samuel's hand as they were to be duelling partners. "good luck!" Arthur called, who was teamed up with Tonks, "let's go!"

Remus and Sirius stepped into the fire together, followed by the others, with an invisible Severus last. They had expected to find some sort of evidence of a fight but the hall was creepily empty.

"something isn't right," Sirius murmured, looking around the deserted corridor.

"Keep low and keep to the walls," Tonks hissed, as they began to move in formation towards the great fountain in the centre.

"No one," Remus muttered, casting tracing spells, as Serena was. "It's empty, we should apparate down. The Veil room in the centre."

"On three then," Tonks said, "One, two-"

_CRACK_


	122. Chapter 121

**A/N: sorry for the wait! Let me know your thoughts. Would like to say a quick thankyou to 'omgitsmelly' as well for your wonderful review- your pm is turned off so i can't reply but it really made my day. **

**Anyway- on with the show... **

They arrived into chaos. There were shouts and screams and flashes of lights everywhere and it was only the battle plan that Tonks had drilled into them that kept them alive. Serena rushed with Samuel past the benches to double back on the fighting happening in the centre of the Veil Room. The room was surrounded on each side by steep steps acting as benches looking down towards the centre of the room. There was a large platform there that held a golden archway separated by a thin black veil that fluttered every time someone passed it.

She spotted Harry duelling with Lucius over the Prophecy, and watched as Sirius rushed to join in the fight, with Remus fighting Dolohov nearby. Both Tonks and Arthur had cornered Bellatrix, and Serena's anger surged as she saw the witch. She gripped her wand tightly and turned towards her. Samuel grabbed her arm to stop her from running and gave her a warning look as she heard Severus hiss: "don't even fucking think about it," in her ear. A door to their left flew open and she and Samuel rushed to tackle the three masked Death Eaters who had joined the fight from an adjoining room.

"Alright Blondie?" one shouted, and she blasted him with a curse in response, sending him back into the benches where his head cracked loudly and he slumped unconsciously to the floor. His mask slipped slightly and she noticed it was Fenrir Greyback, the werewolf.

Her blood was pounding in her ears as she ran through the motions she had been taught. Aim, Attack, Step, Dodge, Defend, Attack Duck- She worked with Samuel at her side well and was able to use her telepathic skills as well as her wand magic.

They captured and tied the three easily in anti apparition ropes and turned to find their next victims. She was so immersed in the battles around the room that she forgot to watch her own back and she was thrown to the floor as a heavy body pinned her down.

"watch yourself sweetie," Sirius grinned, before jumping up and sprinting after Remus.

She crouched behind a hiding spot and noticed Harry being attacked by Malfoy. He had him by the throat and she was about to run towards them when she spotted the Longbottom boy jab his wand in the man's mask. He howled with pain and Harry stunned him. They rushed over and Samuel began tying up the man as Serena ushered Neville and Harry into cover. Neville's nose was broken and she fixed it with a touch of her hand.

"Stay down here!" she ordered them fiercely.

Harry tried to argue but she shook her head, "Just listen to me or you'll get yourselves killed!"

She found Macnair advancing on them and she jumped up to meet his curse, she blocked it quickly but was too slow for his second and the slicing hex cut across the top of her arm brutally. She cried out in pain as she tried to fight back but a moment later Macnair was blasted against the wall, unconscious. She looked about wildly for her saviour and felt a presence to her side.

"thanks," she said to Severus quietly, before ducking back down to pick a new target.

She spotted Remus trying to tie up two Death Eaters at once and ran to help him. He had two deep gashes on his forehead and she healed them with a brush of her fingers.

It was clear they had nearly won. Sirius was battling Bellatrix together on the platform whilst Tonks had called in more aurors fight the remaining Death Eaters.

When Dumbledore arrived, Serena almost smiled. He stunned two Death Eaters with one spell and swept down the stairs with his billowing robes behind him. His eyes were flashing and his acute gaze was directed on the remaining battle- Bellatrix against Sirius. Serena watched as Sirius goaded her, "Is that all you've got!" he laughed, deflecting her curse easily. She hissed and spat at him, become angrier and angrier and wilder and wilder with her aims until eventually a green light struck him directly in the chest. Serena's eyes widened as Sirius' did, and with the ghostly laugh etched onto his face he stumbled back through the veil and was gone.

Serena hardly registered Bellatrix fleeing, she couldn't hear the voice in her ear, she couldn't feel the hands pulling at her, but as she dropped to her knees she began to feel that unforgiving, burning, horrific, unmerciful pain swell in her chest.

Her whole being was shaking and her head was pounding as her senses cleared and returned to her. What was that sound? That heart wrenching, shattering animalistic moan that echoed around the hall? Her brain told her eyes to move and she picked out people, trying to determine who it was and then she saw him. Remus was being held back by Samuel and Tonks as he screamed himself hoarse, trying to go after Bellatrix.

Bellatrix.

Again.

Two people she loved.

Two people she loved so much.

Gone.

"LET HIM GO!" She screamed, stumbling towards them, her wand drawn. "LET HIM GO!"

"Serena-"

"EXPELLIARMUS!" she shouted, disarming both of them and sending them back against the benches with heavy thumps. She took off after Remus and only just registered Harry running after them. There were shouts of protests and spells fired at her but as she sealed the door behind them with a dark spell there was silence.

"Uh-Oh," came the childlike voice echoing through the corridor. They all stopped, breathing hard through tears and panic to listen to Bellatrix's haunting voice. "Did I _kill_ him?" she squealed, "Oh dear!"

"you fucking-"

"Oh Potter! Did you _love _him? Aw and wolfie too? And who do we have- Oooooo!" she screeched, finally sliding into view at the far end of the corridor. "Is that Sereeeny? Has he gone to join Kingsy Wingsy?"

Serena's killing curse just missed her and suddenly she fled and they were after her. When they burst into the main entrance hall a moment later Serena did not care how they got there. Bellatrix was hiding behind part of the golden statue and they did the same, protecting themselves from her.

"Show yourself!" Remus roared, "Show yourself you fucking coward!"

"AVADA KEDAVRA!" she screamed, jumping around and firing one at him. He ducked out of the way just in time and Serena was able to fire her own killing curse that missed it's target by three feet.

"I'm gonna fucking kill you!" Remus roared, leaping out of his hide out and running towards her, his eyes blazing and wand ready.

"Remus!" Serena cried, launching herself at him and throwing them to the floor as a killing curse soared over their heads so close she could feel it against her hair.

They rolled behind the corner and scrambled to peek out. Bellatrix was darting a look from behind the fountain, a grin on her face as she cackled loudly. Remus made to run after her but Serena held him back. "together," she insisted, through her gasping breaths, "we'll get her together."

"On three-" Remus muttered, "One- Two-"

Serena felt something slap onto her back and suddenly there was a jerk behind her navel and she was spinning and flying and being squeezed into the tiniest spaces and she couldn't breathe, couldn't think, couldn't cry for help.

Just as she felt she would pass out, her lungs expanded and she gasped in deep breaths as she landed on a carpeted floor and her wand was kicked out of her hand.


	123. Chapter 122

**Sorry about the last chapter, but i had to follow the cannon! Terribly sorry!i hope you like the angst in this chapter though, i think it follows on nicely, let me know :] **

Strong arms wrapped around her and held her still on the floor as she tried to fight against them, anything to get back to Bellatrix, to get revenge for Kingsley and now Sirius… _Sirius…_ Great hacking sobs rose from her chest and she allowed herself to be held, allowed the arms to gently rock her back and forth and whisper sweet nothings in her ear as she tried to regain control of her shaking body.

She cried out from the pain in her chest, the hollow ache and emptiness, as though a piece of her sole had been ripped from her brutally. The edges seared with pain and her heart wrenched as she screamed and struggled and fought against everything constricting her, physically and mentally, biting down on the robed arm to no avail.

"please?" she sobbed finally, recognising her captive and gasping for breath as she hiccupped her words out, "let me- kill- her- let me kill- her- please- Sev- please-"

Severus tightened his arms and rocked her again and she shook into his body, her fingers clenching in his robes and her tears and saliva wetting his shoulder.

"it's okay," he whispered against the shell of her ear, making her quieten to hear him. "It's okay, you'll be okay babey… breathe with me, huh? breathe, in… out… good…"

She focussed on his breathing and tried desperately to control her own. Eventually she was quiet, with silent tears running down her face instead as her body trembled from the shock.

"he's- he's gone- isn't he?"

"he's gone," Severus said quietly, wincing as Serena moaned painfully at his words. She shook her head and rocked back and forth again and he followed her movements, pulling her back against his chest and wrapping his legs around her at the sides. She curled her knees up until she felt secure and surrounded and cried silently against his body.

"how- how am I here?" she sniffed quietly, looking around their living room in Spinner's End.

"emergency portkey," Severus sighed. "I stuck one to your back and one on Remus' too- it's sent him to Grimmauld Place, Molly will look after him."

"I should go and see him…"

"Soon, you need time first; it will do Remus no good if you're an emotional wreck."

She gave a small nod and wiped her tears away with the back of her hand.

"Wait- what about Harry-"

"Albus has him, he arrived a mere second after you left."

"oh, he's okay?"

"Fine," he said shortly. "you know how angry I am with you, don't you?"

She gave a small nod and nibbled her bottom lip.

"hmm." he murmured, nuzzling her cheek with his own and trying to distract her. "The spell you used on the door was very impressive."

"I knew anything ordinary wouldn't stop them… Dark Magic seemed fitting."

"did you not need blood?"

She shrugged, "my arm was cut."

He tugged at her robe where blood had stained and she pulled the shoulder down a bit. "Has it scarred?" she asked in an emotionless voice. "It was deeper than I thought and I couldn't focus completely on it…"

His fingertips traced the sensitive skin on her upper arm and his lips kissed her there tenderly. "very faintly," he said softly, regret in his voice.

She nodded and pulled her sleeve up again, staring into the empty fireplace unseeingly.

Severus kissed her neck softly and nibbled on the sensitive piece of skin below her ear. She gave a small smiled and turned her head to give him a soft kiss.

"I love you," he murmured quietly against her cheek. She stiffened in surprise and then turned her head to kiss him again.

"I love you too. I'm so glad we're both okay."

He frowned suddenly and rooted around in his pockets for something before drawing out a blank scrap of parchment. His brow furrowed as he looked at it and then passed it to Serena. She looked at it and turned it over to see the other side- that was blank too.

"what-"

"oh, sorry," he muttered, tapping it with his wand. Serena recognised Arthur Weasley's large handwriting- _Are you and Serena able to come over to HQ? we have a problem._

"what is it?"

He shrugged and played with her hair. "Do you think you can manage it?"

She nodded and wiped her face on the sleeve of her robe, flattening her hair and taking a deep breathe. Severus slowly unwrapped himself from around her and pulled her up, holding her close to him for a moment.

"so brave, little one," he sighed, before pulling her to him and apparating them away.

When they arrived in the hall of Grimmauld Place they could hear shouting from downstairs and a baby crying loudly.

"Remus please!" Serena recognised Molly's teary voice, "open the door!"

She pulled Severus by the hand down to the corridor outside the kitchen where everyone was gathered. Some bore signs of battle with ripped clothes or untended injuries, and most were crying, or had been recently.

The kitchen door was shut and Serena could hear Lavinia crying from the other side.

"what's going on?"

"Remus has locked himself in with Vinnie, they've been in there since he returned-"

"He's scared," she said softly, making her way through the crowd to press her ear against the door. She could hear Remus' faint voice over the crying.

"Move back away from the door," she said quietly to the others. "And keep quiet, okay?"

They did as she asked and Molly tried to contain her tears as Arthur comforted her.

She moved up to the door and gave a small knock.

"Remus?"

"FUCK OFF!" he screamed from the other side. She jumped and gulped in a deep breath before calming her nerves and trying again.

"Remus, it's me, babey… It's Serena…"

The baby kept screaming but she could hear Remus' presence near the door.

"It's Serena, babey, it's just me…"

She heard Remus give a small cough and when he spoke his voice was hoarse. "I- She- she won't stop crying-"

"that's okay, we can fix that, how about you open the door just for me, huh?"

She heard his heavy breathing on the other side of the door and she waited nervously before the lock finally clicked. She slipped through the tiny gap he opened for her and shut the door behind her. He locked it and Serena turned to face him.

He looked terrible. His face was blotchy and swollen and there were still tears pouring from his red wild eyes that reminded Serena about the wolf in him. He was shaking visibly and her eyes moved to linger over crying Lavinia he was holding in his left hand, whilst his wand was in his right. His eyes darted to her face and he seemed to crumple under her gaze.

"Here we go," she whispered, reaching out and touching his arm gently. "Pass me Vinnie and we'll put her in her bouncing cot, she's probably tired."

Remus swallowed and very, very slowly lifted the tiny baby and passed her to Serena.

"good, good," she murmured, lifting her up and smiling. "do you need changing? Shall Aunty Serena do it with her wand? I know it's risky so please don't pee on me, huh?"

She lay her down in her bouncing cot on the table and changed her nappy with a wave of her wand. As the cot bounced her gently, she slowly quietened and looked at Serena with sleepy eyes. "good girl," she smiled as she shut them and dropped off to sleep.

Serena turned to face the opposite side of the room. Remus was still standing where she had left him, trembling less now, but he looked broken. She walked slowly to him and stood on tiptoes, wrapping her arms slowly but tightly around his body. It took him a moment to respond, but he opened his arms and brought them around her just as firmly. He buried his head in her shoulder and cried. His knees gave way and they both fell to the floor but she kept her arms around him as he sobbed loudly. She rocked him back and forth as Severus had done with her and she stroked his hair and rubbed his back, comforting him tenderly.

"It's okay, Remus, you're going to be okay babey I promise."

"He's- he's- d-dead!" Remus moaned loudly. "He's dead- she killed him… he's gone… how… how could he leave me!" he roared, clenching her tightly. "He left me…" he sobbed, "he left me alone, I can't do it Serena, I can't do it…"

"yes you can babey-"

"I can't! He's left me! He's left Vinnie- I can't-"

"I know you can, I promise-"

"how! how can you promise!" he shouted, balling his hands into fists.

"because I've been there," she whispered. "When Kingsley died… I didn't know how I could go on living… but I'm still here…"

Remus drew back and looked at her, with a pained expression on his face. "I'm so sorry, about Kingsley…"

"And I'm so sorry, about Sirius," she replied softly, stroking his hair back from his eyes and trailing her fingers under his eyes to brush his tears away. "I'm gonna make you better," she smiled at him, and she almost saw him smile back.

He took a deep breath and bit his lip. She waved her wand and summoned a hand towel from the kitchen draw. She wet the corner of it with her wand and brushed it across his face, wiping away his tears and the mud and grit that had accumulated. When his face looked a bit better she used her wand to reduce some of the swelling and gave him an encouraging smile.

"are you injured anywhere?" she asked seriously, scanning his body for signs of pain.

He shook his head.

"right, good, well then, how about we get you a hot bath?" He nodded and she helped him stand up slowly. "Shall I ask Molly to look after Vinnie for half an hour? And then she can bring her right back up to you when we're done?"

Remus looked weary for a moment and then he gave a small nod.

"Okay, open the door then sweetie?"

He shuffled towards it and tapped on it gently with his wand. The lock clicked and Serena peeked out. Severus was standing in the hallway on his own, and the dark shadows cast on his face made him look haunted.

When he saw the door open he swept to her. "are you okay?" he asked, searching her face quickly.

"fine, I'm fine. where is everyone?"

He jerked his head to the room next door. "living room, Max came down and they didn't want to get him upset…"

"right. good. I'm taking Remus upstairs for a bath and then to sleep."

Severus bit the side of his cheek to stop himself from commenting on the thoughts running through his head. Instead he gave a curt nod and kissed her forehead softly. She turned and said something to Remus and the door opened fully. Severus made no outward reaction at seeing Remus but inside his heart skipped a beat. He looked so much like Serena had, when she had lost Kingsley just two years ago.

He nodded his head in respect but stepped back when Remus tried to hand him the baby. His eyes darted to Serena for an explanation and she gave him a pleading look. "can you give her to Molly when we're upstairs? Remus doesn't want to see anybody right now…"

"can't-" he stopped when he saw the pleading look reflected in Remus' eyes too and he nodded and held his arms out awkwardly. Remus rested her against Severus' chest and he held her in one arm securely.

"thank you," Remus muttered hoarsely, before brushing past him.

Serena gave him a lingering kiss and then hurried to take Remus' hand to lead him up the stairs.


	124. Chapter 123

**love you guys, thanks for reading :D **

Serena guided Remus through his bedroom and into his adjoining bathroom, making sure to keep him distracted by babbling nonsense aloud. She kept the bathroom door open and sat him down on the chair beside it before turning on the taps to the large bath in the centre of the room. She risked a glance at him in the mirror and her chest ached to see the completely broken look on his face. He was gazing at the shower, no doubt thinking of how he and Sirius had used it together. She remembered how after Kingsley was gone she connected everything with him- people, places, colours, objects, anything. She poured some relaxing oil in the bath and turned the tap off when it was full of bubbles and steamy hot.

"Right, let's get you sorted babey," she murmured, standing him up and sliding his cardigan off. She folded it over the chair and then began unbuttoning his shirt, keeping her eyes focussed on his face. She tried not to pay attention to his body, not wanting the act to seem sexual at all. She simply wanted to help him, and they were close enough in their friendship that Remus understood and let her undress him.

When he stood in only his boxers she spoke; "Right, you can take those pants off yourself, I'm not here to ogle your man bits."

He snorted and finally turned his gaze to her, reaching out stroking her face with his fingers for a moment. "thanks," he whispered hoarsely. His eyes suddenly filled with tears and he gulped. "Serena- please- please don't leave-"

"hush, hush," she soothed, hugging him tight to her. "Of course I won't leave, I'm here Remus, I'm here for you okay? How about I stay over for the next few days, huh? Keep you company?"

He choked on a sob and nodded vigorously. "please- but- but you've got-"

"nothing more important," she replied, kissing his cheek and giving him a small smile. "now I'm going to turn the other way so you can get in the bath okay? It's a good job I put lots of bubbles in."

He nearly smiled and then nodded, rubbing his tears away.

She stood just out side of the door and waited until he gave a faint call for her. She gave him a brave smile and dragged the chair to sit by his head. "can I wash your hair?" she asked, stroking it softly.

"I feel like a child," he replied.

She scoffed, "nonsense, I wash Severus' hair all the time."

He made a sound that was a mix between a half-sob half-laugh. "you wash his hair?"

She smiled, "sometimes when he lets me. If I don't he'll have greasy hair all the time, you must have noticed how that habit suddenly stopped when we married?"

She saw a faint flicker of a smirk on his face for a second before it was replaced with pain again. "Remind me to bring that up next time I see him," he murmured, shutting his eyes as she tipped his head back gently and used her wand to conjure a cup to pour water over his head. She used the shampoo from the shelf inside the shower and gently massaged it over his scalp. His eyes fell shut and she saw some of the tension leave his shoulders.

"Sing for me, Serena?" he asked quietly, peeking an eye open and turning his head to look at her.

She raised her eyebrows.

"Go on, you're voice is lovely, I remember hearing you when you play guitar…"

"hmm. One song. And it's only for you, I don't even sing in front of Severus."

"I'm honoured."

She waited until he had closed his eyes before she started singing softly, a song she had known for years about the sunshine.

As she sung she rinsed away the shampoo and lathered in a citrus conditioner.

"right, you've had your one song," she said in his ear as she rinsed it out and stood up to get him a towel.

"I won't look again, but I should point out the bubbles melted away about five minutes ago."

He actually chuckled and she looked at him suddenly. He looked astonished and shocked and then upset and she shook her head firmly and grasped his wet hand.

"I remember laughing, the first time after Kingsley died. Severus made me laugh, and I went through the exact same thoughts you just did. Do you know what Sev said to me? He made sure I didn't feel guilty; he told me that my feelings were normal, and that Kings wouldn't want me to be miserable. It felt so good to laugh, so free. You need to know the same."

He gritted his teeth and then relaxed and gave a nod. "you're right- he's right… I feel, I don't know… I'd like to laugh again."

She smiled, "you will Remus, many times. Now come on, get out of the bath before you go all wrinkly."

She held out the towel and looked the other way as he dried himself. She went into his bedroom and pulled out a pair of clean pyjama bottoms from his draw, ignoring Sirius' pair next to it. She handed them to him along with a pair of boxers and waited on the edge of the bed for him. He came out, looking at the bed sadly. "I'm alone in here now," he said quietly.

She shook her head, "no you're not. You've got a baby girl waiting for you downstairs. How about I go and get her whilst you bring her cot in here from next door? It'll be nice for both of you to sleep in the same room."

He nodded. "yes, that would be good."

"right, I'll go and get her, she's probably exhausted!"

She hurried downstairs and slipped into the living room. Everyone turned to her as she entered and fell quiet.

"He's… coping," she said sadly, her shoulders dropping slightly. "He's going to sleep for a bit now, he wants Vinnie."

Molly stood and handed the sleeping baby to her carefully. "tell him… tell him we're all thinking of him," she said quietly, patting her arm.

She nodded and made to back out of the room. "where's Severus?" she asked curiously.

"Kitchen," Arthur said quietly, and Serena noted the frowns on everyone's faces.

She gave a nod and retreated out of the room and into the kitchen with Vinnie sleeping against her chest.

Severus was leaning against the kitchen counter, nursing a glass of Firewhiskey that was probably not his first.

"hey," she whispered, making sure he knew about Vinnie sleeping.

"can you get me a dreamless sleep potion from the cupboard? There's no way Remus is gonna sleep without one."

He passed her one silently, but brushed her hands gently with his thumb.

"why are you in here?" she asked.

He shrugged.

"what's wrong?" she pressed.

He sighed and shook his head. "Serena, I don't belong in there right now."

"why not?"

"Why do you think?" he said harshly. "Because I'm the only one who doesn't care that Black is dead."

She managed to stifle the shock and hurt on her face, keeping her expression passive before nodding. "I should have thought about it… Why don't you go wait at home?"

He shook his head, "don't be understanding… I'm a bastard, end of."

She looked as though she didn't know what to say for a moment before nodding. "Let me get Remus and the baby sorted, then we can talk."

He shrugged and downed his glass, watching her as she walked out.

She slipped the potion into her pocket and opened the bedroom door. Remus was sitting on the end of the bed, staring blankly at the opposite wall.

His eyes filled with tears as he saw Lavinia, and Serena handed her to him gently. "don't you start crying now," she whispered, wiping his tears away.

Remus nodded and sniffed. "hello baby," he murmured to the sleeping girl. "I'm so sorry if I scared you… Daddy's not well right now…" he hiccupped and swallowed his sobs, standing up and waking to lower her gently into the cot. He kissed his fingertips and touched her forehead.

"Your turn for bed now," she whispered, taking his hand and leading him to bed. She pulled back the covers and he climbed in, sitting up against the headboard. She didn't miss the longing glance he sent at the space next to him before he determinedly fixed his gaze on the opposite wall. Serena shut the curtains and went into the bathroom, conjuring a glass, filling it with water and then adding the clear potion.

She swirled it and then took it out to him. "Drink this up, you look dehydrated," she said firmly. He didn't even look at it as he tipped it back and drank it in one.

"good, now lie down," she said quietly, stroking his hair and perching on the end of the bed next to him.

He looked up at the ceiling and she continued to stroke his hair until his eyes began to droop.

"you drugged me," he murmured quietly, forcing his eyes open.

She nodded and kissed his forehead. "you need rest and there is no way you'd sleep otherwise."

"but…Vinnie…"

"I'll get up with her, don't worry, don't worry about anything, just sleep Remus, love you, okay?"

He tried to say something but his eyes shut and his head tilted and he drifted into sleep.

She tucked the blanket around him and took the other half of the magical baby monitor with her as she went back down into the kitchen. "they're both asleep," she said to Severus quietly, setting the monitor on the counter.

He nodded, "Remus does not deserve this," he said quietly. "nor does the baby."

She nodded and bit her lip, the gap between them across the kitchen seeming greater than ever.

He seemed to notice her thoughts, as always, and he put his glass down on the counter and shut the door with a wave of his hand.

"come here," he murmured, holding out his hand.

She folded into his embrace and he kissed her head before leading her over to the table. He sat down in a chair and pulled her into his lap.

"stop being brave," he whispered in her ear, "let the act go, Remus isn't here…"

She froze and then her whole being seemed to sag. Her shoulders slumped, her eyes watered and her lip began to quiver. She clenched his robes and nestled her head into the crook of his neck.

"I don't know what to do Severus," she confessed in a trembling voice. "He's so broken and hurt and I don't know how to fix it."

He stroked her hair and kissed her face tenderly. "you're doing everything you can Serena, there's no rule book, no guidance, just do what feels natural."

"but- but you were so good," she sobbed, "you were so good with me and I'm- I'm so scared I'm not good enough f-for him and- and he deserves better, I can't- I can't- I don't know what to do-"

"hush, hush," he whispered in her ear, holding her tightly in his arms and stroking down her back comfortingly. "You're perfect. No one could do a better job, you know that's true. Everybody is different, okay? You're doing just fine."

"but- but- he should have- Sirius, I can't believe he's g-gone-"

"It'll be okay," he murmured, kissing her forehead. "You're doing so well, I'm surprised at how strong you are."

"I think it's… helping Remus… it- it takes my mind off things I suppose…"

"good, that's what you need. You're so brave, little one," he murmured, just as the kitchen door opened. Albus, Arthur, Samuel and Minerva were at the front of the group leading everyone else into the kitchen and they all froze as Serena hastily scrambled from Severus' knee and stood up, cleaning her face with a wave of her wand and wiping away the tears. Severus straightened up and glared at everybody before putting his arm protectively around Serena's waist and drawing her to his side.

Albus cleared his throat and reminded everyone to keep moving. "would you like to join us all for a nightcap?" he asked them politely.

Severus went to decline but Serena stopped him. "we will, just the one, thank you Albus."

They all piled in and Severus and Serena retreated to the darkest corner after accepting their drinks from Albus.

"wait, where's Tonks?" she asked suddenly, feeling that dread and fear run through her again.

"She's spending a few days in St. Mungos due to a nasty curse, but the Healers have reassured me she'll be out in no time."

She let out the breath she had been holding and nodded, leaning into Severus' comforting embrace.

"I'd like to make a toast," Arthur said, standing at the front and lifting his glass of whiskey to the room.

"We should all raise our glasses to a brave man who died fighting for the light. We have all lost a friend here tonight, and we will feel the loss as a throb in our chests forever. So please, raise your glass and bow your heads for Sirius Black."

Everyone murmured Sirius' name and drank, besides Severus, although he rubbed Serena's arm when her hand began to tremble.

As everyone began to talk quietly she turned to Severus. "I'm staying with Remus here for a few days."

"what-"

"It's not negotiable," she said in a quiet but firm voice. "When you stayed with me, after Kingsley's death, it was so much easier for me. You helped so much. If I can lessen Remus' pain even by a fraction I will do whatever it takes."

He sighed and nodded. "would you like me to stay?"

She shook her head, "no, it will be easier for him not to see us together as a couple."

He nodded again. "fine, shall I bring your things over?"

"please, that would be really helpful. And… Severus you will come over won't you? It's going to be so difficult to be away from you at night, even for a couple of days."

He kissed her lips softly. "I will come over every night and after classes. Have you cleared it with Albus yet?"

She shook her head. "no, but I'm sure he'll understand."

He kissed her lips again, lingering this time, not caring who saw them. "message if you need me, little one, I'll pack some clothes for you and send them over with Maisie in about an hour."

She nodded and kissed him again before reluctantly releasing him.

"goodnight," she whispered.

"night." He swept from the room without a word to anyone else and she sighed, settling into a chair and raising the Firewhiskey to her lips.


	125. Chapter 124

**A/N: okay, so first of all- i'm sorry. **

**second of all, i'm really sorry. **

**third of all, i'm so damn sorry! **

**I can't even remember when i last updated. i think it's been over a week! :o last week was so stressful i couldn't even think about writing fanfic, and i've missed it so much. I've been working all weekend but needed to give you _something_ so here it is- pitiful in size, but a tad steamy and cute :) i promise i'll try my best to post a giant chapter tomorrow to make up for it. LOVE YOU GUYS, review please :D **

"hush, hush, Vinnie, shhhh, little one, shhhh…" Serena was standing in the kitchen at Grimmauld Place, waiting for the charm to take effect and heat Lavinia's bottle of milk. She cradled the crying baby to her chest and rocked her back and forth, unable to stop the tears of helplessness clinging to her eyelashes as she struggled to contain the pain in her chest.

Vinnie soon quietened when the bottle reached her lips and drank greedily, her tiny eyes falling shut.

Serena sniffed. The house was eerily quiet and shadows moved along the walls, unnerving her. It was half past two and she had been woken by Vinnie's cries. She wondered how Remus and Sirius dealt with the baby, assuming they took it in turns to get up with her. Being a single Dad was going to be hard on Remus.

She stifled a sob and took a deep breath, vanishing the bottle as Vinnie stopped drinking and fell asleep in her arms, her tiny hands clutching the red blanket she was wrapped in.

Serena walked carefully up the stairs and slipped into Remus' room, laying the baby down gently in the cot. She wandered over to Remus, her bare feet making no sound on the carpeted floor.

Remus looked like he was hurting even in his sleep. She brushed the hair back from his eyes and rubbed her tears away quietly. She walked over to the sofa by the window that she had been sleeping on, and sat down, hugging her knees and rocking gently. She was cold, and she felt so alone.

She fumbled in the pocked of the joggers Maisie had brought over and pulled out the golden coin she could use to communicate to Severus.

_Hey_, she wrote. _I know you're probably sleeping, but… _

_I can't sleep either,_ he replied.

Her heart skipped a beat and she clutched the coin tightly in her hands. _I need you._

She waited for a reply, staring at the coin as though it was Severus himself.

She heard a noise by the door, saw a flash of black and suddenly Severus was there, scooping his arms under hers and lifting her up into a tight embrace. Her legs wrapped tightly around his waist and she clung to him, afraid that if she let go, she would ruin the spell.

She couldn't help but cry as the emotions overwhelmed her and she kissed his neck through her tears, sucking the skin and finding her way to his lips. She groaned when they met and he sucked her bottom lip into his mouth, nibbling the delicate skin as his hands kneaded her arse and held her tight against his quickly forming erection.

"not here," Serena gasped between kisses, and suddenly they were moving.

They bumped into the doorway and hit another door, but they didn't care. Their tongues battled for dominance and Serena's hand tightened in his hair as Severus stumbled blindly along the dark landing. They had barely moved half way across it before he growled in frustration and pushed Serena- none too gently- against the wall, their mouths never leaving each other. He could feel the pounding beat of Serena's heart against his chest and suddenly her fingers were at the buckle of his trousers. He lifted her higher and forced her joggers and pants down to her knees. When they were both free, she sank deeply onto his throbbing heat and they both moaned in sync, drawing away from the other's mouth to gasp for breath, their foreheads touching each other, eyes closed.

They were silent in their passion, besides the odd moan or gasp as they grew slick with sweat. They were well aware of the occupied rooms around them and Severus made it quick and rough, taking control of Serena like he knew she needed. She needed to feel real and alive and protected and he let his body surround her, keeping her grounded and free at the same time.

When they were spent, Severus used the little energy he had left to lower them carefully to the floor.

Serena buried her face in the crook of his neck, inhaling the smell of sex and sweat. Severus fumbled for his wand and vanished their mess, earning a small whimper of loss from Serena.

"like your thighs sticky, do you?" Severus grumbled in her ear, feeling her smile against his skin before she nipped at the sensitive spot beneath his ear.

They sat their, in the dark, with Severus holding Serena tightly to him, for many minutes. Their trousers were round their ankles and Severus' cock was hanging out of his pants, but neither of them cared. He just pressed gentle kisses to Serena's neck and shoulder until he felt her finally relax against him and she drifted asleep, resting half naked against him.

He cast a gentle sleeping charm on her so as not to wake her by moving, before lifting her up and straightening their clothes with a flick of his wand. He carried her quietly into Remus' bedroom and laid her on the sofa, pulling a blanket over her. As he moved towards the door, he risked a glance into the cot, and was startled to see tiny eyes staring up at him. He was frozen with shock for a moment, but then a tiny fist was raised, and she made a grabbing notion towards his face.

Severus' own hand unconsciously reached up and touched his nose, remembering the time she had pinched it. She seemed to understand what he was doing and gurgled for a moment before dropping her tiny fist and resuming staring. All he could do was gaze into her beautiful eyes and wait until they drooped and she fell asleep again. He felt oddly touched, in a way a surly potions master shouldn't when he's been insulted by his arch enemy's baby. He huffed and shook his head, before flooing back to Spinner's End and falling fast asleep the moment his head hit the pillow.


	126. Chapter 125

**This should have been posted yesterday really, but i hope you it's worth the wait :D **

Serena awoke at half past seven that morning, and she smiled when she felt that delicious ache between her legs. Her eyes flickered open and she started when she saw Remus staring down at her.

He gave her a small smile and then turned back to something he was strapping around himself.

"what's that?" she murmured, throwing the blanket off her and standing up.

"It's a baby carry- I can secure it over my shoulders and around my waist and then Vinnie sits in the middle and I can still do things with both hands."

She nodded and watched him secure it, he seemed surprisingly okay and he clutched a small cuddly wolf toy in his hand. When he had secured it he lifted Vinnie from her cot and put her securely in it, resting against his chest. The baby snuggled against him and reached out for the toy in his hand. He bounced it playfully over her tiny hand, earning a gurgle, and Serena smiled.

"when did you get up?"

"about an hour ago," he said calmly, "I've changed her, what do you think of this pink baby-grow? It's nice, isn't it?"

"erm… yeah, it makes her look cute…" she trailed off, unsure of what to say. Remus had shaved and dressed and he looked, well, almost cheerful as he ran the little wolf toy around again. "I'm going to take a quick shower, and get changed and I'll be down in a few minutes, okay?"

"okay, I'll make breakfast."

He walked out and Serena sighed. Perhaps this was his way of dealing with grief.

She had a quick shower and dressed in muggle shorts and a t shirt, leaving her wet hair to dry naturally. She hurried downstairs to find Remus making toast and humming to himself. Samuel, Arthur and Molly were watching him from the table with frowns on their faces.

Serena shook her head and shrugged at them and went over to join Remus, rubbing his back gently. "want me to do that?"

"no," he snapped, "I can make my own fucking breakfast."

She froze and then nodded, putting on a false cheery voice, "okay, fancy make me some then? I'm starving."

Remus nodded and then gave her a small apologetic smile. She could see the pain so far behind his eyes and her stomach clenched. "shall I heat something up for Vinnie?"

"I can do it," he said in a slightly softer voice.

"well give me something to do or I'll get bored," she smiled, nudging him.

He sighed, "Vinnie will have the apple and banana for breakfast: it's the jar in the far cupboard."

"looks yummy," she said sarcastically, pulling a face at the mashed up food.

Remus gave a small laugh and then froze, his whole body tensing. Serena was by him in an instant, running a gentle hand through his hair as she leant up to whisper in his ear; "remember what I said, laughing is good."

She could feel the pain radiating off him and she had to withdraw her hand quickly. He was hiding it well.

He gave a small nod and then shot her a strangely dazzling smile. "right, toast is ready! Leave her food to cool for a bit."

He carried them over to the table and she joined him, sitting next to Samuel who had Max balanced on his knee eating cereal in the shape of quidditch balls, complete with little golden snitches that leaped out of the milk in arcs.

"morning Max, how are you?"

"look auntie 'Reena!" he replied, "I gotta catch the snitches! Like uncle Harry does!"

She laughed and turned her attention to the conversation Remus had struck up with Arthur.

"-and I'm sure there's a muggle lawn cutter somewhere-"

"really?" Arthur replied, "they are so fascinating! But I wouldn't want to put any trouble on you right now-"

"it's no trouble," Remus replied a little to quickly to be sincere, "why would it be trouble? Are you saying I'm not capable-"

"no! no!"

"good," Remus gave another tight smile and stood up to get Vinnie's food. At that moment Severus entered, dressed in his formal black teaching robes. His eyes sought out Serena and then Remus and he gave them both a nod before walking to Serena and sitting down on her other side.

"morning," he murmured quietly.

"morning," she smiled, "how are you?"

"tired, yourself?"

She leant over and whispered in his ear; "sore."

Only a twitch in the corner of his mouth and his darkening eyes gave away his surprise and Serena chuckled to herself.

Severus went over to the kitchen to pour himself a glass of water.

"Remus," he greeted.

"Severus, how are you?"

"fine," he replied, unsure how to deal with Remus' smile. He was saved, however when Remus returned to his seat to feed the baby strapped to his chest. He was having trouble though, because he clutched what looked like a cuddly toy in one hand, so he only had one hand to use. He noticed the others frowning at him slightly and Serena looked worried, although she did not stare at him like the others.

Suddenly Max spoke in his loud voice, looking up at Samuel and scratching his head in thought. "Daddy?"

"yes Max?" Samuel replied, sounding amused.

"you know what you told me last night?"

"which bit?"

"the bit about Uncle Sirius?"

The whole room was suddenly doused in tension and Severus saw Remus' knuckles whiten around the toy.

"er, yes."

"where did he go again?"

Samuel sighed and his eyes flickered towards Remus, who was staring down at Vinnie, a spoonful of food poised in mid air.

"Uncle Sirius is looking down at you, because he died so he's gone to heaven-"

Severus couldn't help it, he snorted loudly and muttered under his breath, "hell more like it-"

And suddenly Remus was there, his wand jabbing into the side of Severus' head and the other hand fastened tightly around his throat.

Everyone shouted and Serena raced over but Remus had thrown up a powerful shield.

She knew Severus could wrestle him in a moment, but he had the baby tied to him and she had started to cry. Severus' face was expressionless, besides his wide eyes, but Remus' hand was obviously squeezing tightly around his neck. They could only watch as Severus slowly raised his hand, grasped Remus' and pulled it a few inches away from his red throat. He drew in deep breaths and locked his eyes with Remus' as they both breathed deeply.

Remus dropped the shield and withdrew his wand slowly, still panting heavily. He suddenly froze and looked down at his empty hand. He span and looked wildly across the floor, before stumbling over to pick up the wolf toy. He clenched it in his hand tightly and then tried to hush Vinnie with it.

"Remus-" Molly said in a shaky voice, "maybe I should take her-"

"NO!" he roared suddenly, making her cry even more. "you're not having her! Any of you!"

"we only want to help-"

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!" he screamed, thrusting his hand towards the door. "you don't fucking get it, do you?" he shouted, his voice hoarse. "no one fucking asked, no one fucking realised, I know you probably don't know about it but you could have asked! Do you know where this is from?" He held up the wolf in a trembling hand, bouncing the crying Vinnie gently with the other until she began to quieten. Tears streamed down Remus' face, and he struggled to get the words out. "it's- it's Father's Day today," he sobbed, "and this was the present Sirius bought for Vinnie to give to me… our first celebration…"

He shook violently and then let out a deep moan, slumping back against the kitchen counter and falling to his knees.

"leave," he said, when he saw them looking at him. "leave, now, GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE!" he screeched when they did not move. It was Max's turn to start crying and Samuel picked him up and carried him upstairs. Molly and Arthur stood by the door, glaring daggers at Severus. He scowled and looked at Serena. She turned when she felt his gaze on her and the look she sent him made his stomach clench in knots.

"go back to Hogwarts," she said quietly, "you're not wanted here today."

Severus' mouth opened and then snapped shut again and he glared at her before sweeping to the door and leaving, slamming it behind him. Serena made her way towards the door and when she was sure Molly and Arthur were focussed on the crying Remus, she opened it and walked through, before disillusioning herself and slipping back through, sitting on the floor against the wall, keeping perfectly still.

"we'll- we'll be upstairs," Molly sniffed, before Arthur guided her out and shut the door quietly.

Remus let out another moan when the door shut, and he rocked back and forth, hushing Vinnie through his tears and bouncing her in his lap slightly.

"it's okay, baby," he murmured, "It's gonna be okay, Daddy's here-" he choked on a sob and shook with the force of his grief. He pressed his head against the cupboard as Vinnie stopped crying and he slowly began to unfasten the straps on his carrier. He lifted her out and let it fall to the floor as he cradled her in his arms and stood up. He walked slowly over to the cot sitting in the corner of the room and he put it on the table, lowering her gently into it and strapping her in. He took the cuddly toy and kissed it before snuggling it next to her. He sniffed and turned his back on Serena before speaking aloud to the room.

"It's the full moon in three days; I can smell you from a mile off, never mind the other side of the kitchen…"

He heard a small intake of breath, and then the swish of a wand and then the quiet padding of socks on the stone floor. He stiffened as he felt arms snake around his waist, and then warmth pressed against his back and he relaxed. Serena leant her cheek against his back and tightened her arms around his waist before slowly turning him around and pulling him into a proper hug. They were both crying and shaking but they held on to each other and Remus felt small hands running through his hair and rubbing comforting patterns on his back.

"I miss him so much," Serena choked into his ear, standing on tiptoes to bury her face in the crook of his neck. "It hurts so much when I think he's gone, but I can't even imagine how you're feeling, because for you it's so much worse. He was my friend… but he was your friend, your lover, the father of your child, and he's gone… I'm so sorry Remus," she cried. "I'm so sorry I can't bring him back… I wish- I wish-"

Remus' arms tightened around her and when he spoke, his voice was muffled against her hair. "I wish too… I wish so much…"


	127. Chapter 126

**A/N: extra long chapter today because i lav ya :] **

**a teeny tiny review would mean a lot! *hint, hint* :D**

* * *

Serena and Remus sat together on the floor of the kitchen, leaning against the worktops. Their bodies were just touching- as though the contact would somehow relieve some pain from the other. Serena had a notebook balanced on her knee and a pencil was being gnawed at her lips. At the top of the paper she had capitalised the heading: SIRIUS' MEMORIAL SERVICE.

Underneath, they had location: _Hogwarts, _and then a small list of guests.

"okay, what about his close friends from the Ministry?"

"yeah…" Remus said quietly, looking down at the sleeping baby in his arms. "erm… Ludo Bagman he was close with, they went to the Three Broomsticks a lot… er… that Charlie someone..."

"Solomon?"

"yeah, that's the one… and Sandra and Jen."

"oh are they the lesbian couple you were telling me about? With the baby?"

"yeah, the first ones the ministry approved, Jake is nearly three now though."

"okay, they're down. Is that it?"

"yeah…" Remus pressed his lips tightly together and glanced at the list. "He'd laugh if he saw us, sitting on the floor deciding what people to invite to his memorial…"

"he would," she agreed with a sad smile. "he'd probably have a few comments about the list too, pointing out people he secretly hated."

Remus snorted and gave a nod. "on second thoughts, cross Sharon out, he fucking hated her."

Serena smiled and crossed through the women's name.

"there, finished? It'll be nice to just have a few who were really close to him."

Remus nodded. "right, send out the owls then." Serena wrote one invitation and then used a duplication to charm. "I'll take these to the owl office now. Do you want to come?"

He shook his head, "no I'll stay here."

"okay, well it's dinner time so get something to eat, I'll only be half an hour."

He nodded again and slowly stood up, cradling Vinnie to him carefully. Serena kissed her and then Remus' cheek, before gathering the letters and leaving. She apparated into Diagon Alley and sat down on the steps of Gringotts, breathing in the summer's day air deeply. She was so angry at Severus for the remark against Sirius. Could he not keep his thoughts to himself? Did he know how much pain he had caused Remus by those few simple words? She buried her head in her hands and sighed. She felt so sad, and the only person who could make it marginally better had stormed away to sulk.

She eventually made her way to the owl office and paid the hefty sum for the express delivery owls, ignoring the strange look from the clerk.

She did not linger, returning through the Leaky Cauldron to floo to Grimmauld Place. When she arrived the kitchen was empty, but she heard shouts from upstairs. She grabbed her wand and sprinted into the hall and up the stairs two at a time.

She could hear Vinnie crying again and Remus shouting. "WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE! BRING THEM BACK! CHANGE IT BACK!"

"Remus, Remus, what's wrong?" she asked urgently as she emerged onto the landing. Samuel was standing in the entrance to Remus' room with his arms outstretched as though he was trying to protect someone. Remus was trying to get past him, shouting his head off, and Vinnie's cries were coming from the room next door. She peeked in and was surprised to see Max sitting on the bed with the baby on his lap. He was chatting away to her quietly, trying to stop her crying.

"Remus?" she pressed, slipping between him and Samuel and placing a calming hand on his chest.

"She changed them!" he shouted, "the fucking elf changed the bed sheets! Why the fuck would you do that!"

It was then that Serena saw Maisie trembling in a ball on the floor behind Samuel, crying.

"Remus, Remus, calm down, listen to me okay," she said speaking in a controlled voice and catching his eye.

"You're being unreasonable, Maisie is here to help, she would not have changed the sheets if she thought it would cause you distress, but you've got to think realistically, you can't never change the sheets again… Things have to change and move on, at least physically…"

Remus took a deep breath and seemed to sag slightly, his eyes watering. "I'm going downstairs…" he said eventually. "will you look after Vinnie?"

Serena nodded and he turned and left. She watched him walk down the stairs and then turned to Samuel, giving him a thankful look.

"what happened?"

"He just came up and saw the elf had changed the sheets, he started shouting, but I managed to get in between them in time."

"thanks Sam…" she stepped through the gap under his arm and knelt down next to Maisie, placing a comforting hand on her back. "Maisie, can you hear me?"

The elf hiccupped and rubbed her eyes with her small fists before climbing to her feet and standing in front of Serena who was sitting crossed legged on the floor.

"are you okay, Maisie?" she asked gently.

"M-Maisie is sorry Miss Serena Miss, Maisie only wanted to h-help Miss-"

"It's okay, it's not your fault."

"B-but Maisie made the Mister Lupin c-cry and shout and-"

The little elf suddenly turned and jumped to hit her head on the cupboard. Serena was quicker and pounced on he little body, pinning her to the floor and shouting over her cried, "Maisie I forbid you to punish yourself under any circumstances!"

She slowly lifted off and Maisie had the grace to look ashamed.

"Maisie, you know Severus has forbidden you from punishing yourself."

"yes Miss Serena Miss, Maisie is sorry miss," she hiccupped, looking at the floor.

"why are you here?"

"Master Severus Sir is sending Maisie to help Mister Lupin, Miss."

Serena frowned slightly and thought maybe this was Severus' way of apologising, _with great success_, she added sarcastically.

"where is Severus?"

"he was at Hogwarts but then he left Miss and went to Spinner's End, Miss, and he told Maisie to go here, Miss."

"okay, well I'm asking you to go and see if they need any help in Hogwarts okay? Stay there for three hours and then come back here, okay?"

"yes Miss Serena Miss." She disappeared with a crack and Serena sighed, rubbing her eyes. She saw a hand in front of her and Samuel helped her up before pulling her into a surprising hug. She clung to his warm body, letting his long arms surround her as she breathed in his spicy smell. She was glad he didn't smell the same as Kingsley.

Samuel kissed the top of her head and stepped back slowly. "better?" he said in his deep voice.

She gave a small nod and a smile and she took his arm as they went to find Max.

He was still chattering away to Vinnie who had quietened and was gurgling in his small arms. "-and then Uncle Harry said that he jumped in the air and nearly _swallowed _it! Imagine that! Swallowing the snitch!"

"Are you telling Vinnie about quidditch?" Serena smiled, sitting next to him on the bed.

"uh huh Auntie 'Reena! And Uncle Harry said that when I'm another year older he'll take me to the Burrow to fly on a broom!"

"wow! Uncle Harry is very kind. Do you think that Vinnie's going to like quidditch when she grows big like you?"

"Uh huh! I've been telling her about the wonky feint-"

Samuel chuckled. "wronski, Max."

"yeah, and-"

"alright, alright young man, that's enough quidditch talk from you. Hand Vinnie back to Auntie Serena and me and you can go to the playground if you like?"

The little boy gave a delighted grin and Serena lifted Vinnie from his arms carefully, smiling at the baby's gurgling. She bounced her in the air and Vinnie laughed a tiny giggle that had Serena laughing too.

"right, we'll be downstairs, see where Daddy's got to huh Lavinia?" she said smiling. "thanks Sam for keeping him off Maisie."

"don't be daft," he smiled, "now come on Max, grab your coat and go and get your trainers on."

Serena found Remus in the kitchen nursing a glass of Firewhiskey. It didn't look like his first. She put Vinnie in the bouncing cot on the table and sidled into the kitchen, taking a glass from the cupboard and holding it out to him.

"fancy sharing?"

He poured her a measure silently and went back to staring at the ceiling. She watched him carefully and her heart filled with sadness.

"I suppose it was easier for me…" she said quietly. "Kingsley and I… we didn't really live together, the second time… He slept over at mine of course, but he only kept a few belongings there. He had his own flat, with a balcony and everything that we were going to live in during the holidays… when… when he- when he died, his will gave everything to me… the house, his belongings, everything… but I couldn't go back to the flat… Samuel went; he sorted everything out… sold it… I told him I'd ask for things when I was ready… I've got a few photos from him but I don't think I'm ready for anything else…"

Serena took a sip of her Firewhiskey, wincing as it hit the back of her throat, but relaxing when it left the warm, comforting burn in her stomach.

"I don't know if I'll ever be ready to see his belongings… to see the material things that made up his life…"

She looked up at Remus, the tears brimming in her eyes were reflected in his and it made her heart ache.

"You don't get a choice," she sniffed. "And I'm sorry… everywhere you look his possessions linger… you look in the wardrobe and his clothes are next to yours… his shampoo is next to yours… his- his-" Serena brushed away her tears impatiently and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"we're gonna help you Remus," she said in a weak voice, pinching the bridge of her nose to try and regain some control over her tears. "I'm not going to let you do this alone; I'll be with you every step of the way… It's, it's not easy... it's the most difficult thing I've ever done… and it still hurts every day. Every time I get a whiff of a cigar or- or I see Samuel, or I see someone wearing a stupid hat," she choked on her laugh. "But I've moved on and I'm so happy, even though he's not here, and now Sirius isn't either…"

Remus pressed his lips together and nodded, finally looking up at her. His face was covered in tears and his eyes were red and puffy but there seemed to be a strange determination in his eyes.

He beckoned for her blindly and she threw herself into his arms, holding him tight as he cried into her shoulder. "It's g-gonna be okay," he said in a shaky voice, muffled by her hair. "I know now, it's it'll be okay…"

"that's right," she whispered, kissing his cheek and his neck. "It's okay now… you've got everyone supporting you… and you've got little Vinnie you need to be strong for…"

He nodded and when he pulled back from her embrace he waved his wand and righted both their faces, all traces of tears vanished.

"right," she said, slightly awkwardly from their emotional outburst. "erm, so we've got the order meeting in three hours, and then the service tomorrow, eleven o' clock, and then the day after is the full moon so we'll sort everything out for that tomorrow night, okay?"

He nodded and cleared his throat. "Harry and his friends are coming over after the meeting."

She nodded, "okay, it'll be nice for Max to see his Uncle Harry," she smiled, "he hasn't stopped talking about him since he learnt he played quidditch. I should probably warn you he's been telling Vinnie all about it, I think she may grow up to be a chaser."

He gave a quiet chuckle and tipped back his drink, finishing it. "I should feed her, she'll be hungry… I should apologise to Max too… I imagine I've given him quite a sight these past two days…"

"Indeed," she smiled.

They took a late lunch with Samuel and Max and at four o clock Serena excused herself. "I'd better go and see where Severus is sulking," she explained. "not that he deserves it…"

She stepped into the floo and appeared in Spinner's End. "Severus?" she called, listening intently. The house felt… empty, and quiet, so she cast a quick Homenum Revelio, that showed nothing. She sighed and went to the kitchen, taking the bottle of Ogden's Old from the back of a cupboard and eyeing it suspiciously. Surely Severus would understand if she had just the one…"

She poured herself a finger- or four- and settled into his armchair, curling her legs up and sighing. She missed Sirius terribly… and she hated seeing Remus in so much pain. The grief and sadness was so overwhelming, but she could feel something else too and it unsettled her. It was anger. And vengeance.

Bellatrix had now killed two of the people she loved. She had murdered them in cold blood, brutally, unmercifully and Serena knew that if she got the chance again, she wouldn't freeze up as she had years ago- now she was ready- and she would kill Bellatrix without a second's thought.

As she tipped back her glass, there was a loud crack of apparition in the hallway.

_Severus._

As the doorway opened she looked down into her glass and spoke to him in a fierce voice.

"you hurt Remus so much this morning, because you couldn't keep your fucking mouth shut, Severus. You have no idea what your words did to him! No idea! I know you didn't like him but this was too far! Remus' lover is dead and all you can do is make sick jokes! I mean there's something I don't get Severus and you need to explain." She slammed her drink down on the table and glared up into his dark eyes.

"Whenever I touched Sirius in your presence, I could feel his feelings for you. He disliked you, you angered him, he thought you worthless and arrogant and unworthy, but that was it. Whenever I touched you around him I felt something worse. I felt hatred. Pure, undeniable hate. If he didn't even hate you, what reasons did you have for hating him? You've never told me your quarrel, but when it hurts my friend, I think I deserve an explanation."

She tore her gaze away from his eyes and took another sip of her drink before turning her attention back to him. He was expressionless, his eyes deep and dark and haunted as though-

Serena let her eyes glance over him properly. His robes were stained in a deep crimson colour, and there were marks on his boots too. His right hand was clutching his wand and his left was dripping with blood. Her horrified gaze hit the carpet where a red mark was quickly spreading. She dropped her glass on the floor as she scrambled towards him. But he stepped back into the hall, shaking his head wildly and pointing his wand at her as he tried to recover his voice.

"wait," he said hoarsely, keeping her two yards away from him. He was breathing heavily and Serena was frozen in shock.

"Severus," she whispered, stretching a trembling hand towards him. "have you been- have you been summoned?"

He gave a curt nod and she cried out, trying to move closer to him. "wait," he said again, more desperation in his voice and she understood, stepping slowly backwards.

"are you injured anywhere seriously?" she asked in a calm voice.

There was a long pause and he gave another curt nod. "my arm."

She nodded and took a deep breath. "okay, how about I vanish the sleeve and fix it and then we can get you showered and changed?"

He gave another curt nod.

"okay, I'm going to vanish it now," she said calmly, waving her wand as she spoke. She gasped when she saw the mark on his arm, and had to swallow the bile that rose down quickly and then her eyes darted to his own.

He looked ashamed and instead of meeting her eyes he stared at the space above her shoulder.

"Severus, my love? Look at me?"

He gritted his teeth and took a few deep breaths before eventually turning his dark eyes to her warm brown ones. The eyes that he loved so much.

"I want you to know that you're safe, okay… and that I'm going to protect you and look after you and make your arm better, okay?"

His eyes seemed to soften every so slightly and she could see the barriers around his mind begin to fall. "I need you to answer two questions for me Sev, and then I can heal you…"

Serena's eyes fell shut briefly and then she summoned her courage and looked at him, her eyes full of concern and love.

"did you do this yourself?"

She had to wait a whole minute for his answer. They stood, staring at each other in silence, Serena counting the seconds in her head, forcing herself to stay calm.

He nodded.

Serena bit her lip and nodded with him. "Did you use dark magic?"

Severus shook his head. His wand hand trembled as he reached slowly into his robe pocket and pulled out a small knife, stained in dried red blood. His clasp was weak and it clattered to the floor to meet the red stain from his dripping arm.

Serena turned her gaze back to his forearm, where she could see the bone of his arm, his skin and tissue shredded. But that was not the most disturbing thing. It seemed Severus had tried to remove his Dark Mark- only to discover it ran straight down to the bone.


	128. Chapter 127

_**A/N: **_**yep, I know, I'm terrible. I haven't updated in over a weeeeeeek! because, erm, well I've been in Barcelona and I forgot to tell you I was going, didn't I? oops. Really sorry! Anyway, I got back yesterday and have managed to spurt fifteen hundred words or so in my tiredness, so I'll post it now, and hopefully I'll put the next bit up really soon! **

**Also, we were waiting in the queue for the Sagrada Familia and three girls behind us were singing Potter Puppet Pals. LOL. **

**Anyway, on with the show….**

_It seemed Severus had tried to remove his Dark Mark- only to discover it ran straight down to the bone._

As Serena reached the bottom step into Severus' potion lab she fell to her knees, not even feeling her skin scraping against the rough floor. She bent over on all fours, her stomach tightened and this time she couldn't stop the bile rising and she emptied the contents of her stomach over the floor. Her tears mixed with her vomit and her body shook violently as she tried to wipe her mouth and get to her feet.

It took her three attempts to vanish her mess and another two to summon a calming draught for herself. She un-stoppered the bottle with difficulty and tipped it back in one, taking deep breaths as the potion began to work. It did not stop her shaking, but her head cleared and she felt slightly calmer than she had before.

She hurried over to Severus' shelf for heeling potions and began collecting everything she thought she'd need, shrinking the bottles down and stuffing them into her pockets. She gathered two more calming draughts, essence of dittany, blood replenishing potion, a bezoar and many other bottles for darker magic.

She emerged back into the living room a moment later, moving cautiously. Severus had not moved an inch from his position in the hallway, staring at her with his dark eyes and his destroyed arm dripping blood onto the floor. She had tried to stench the flow with a quick spell before she ran downstairs, but it was not strong enough.

"Severus, can you hear me?"

There was a brief pause and then he replied in a hoarse voice, "of course."

She took another deep breath and blinked away her emotions. "okay, listen I need to fix your arm babey, okay?"

She watched him closely and after a moment a crease formed on his brow and he frowned, before glancing down at his left forearm.

"it does not need fixing."

The cold, medical, matter-of-fact way in which Severus spoke sent chills down Serena's spine and she bit her cheek hard to stop herself from breaking down. Her eyes ran over his body, trying not to look at what was left of his arm, before reaching his eyes again. He was looking at her with dark troubled eyes, yet on the surface it seemed as though he was genuinely confused. His mind had shut down and gone into shock.

"Severus, I want you to take three steps forward and come into the living room for me, okay?"

Severus nodded and took three, small, unsure steps closer to her, before straightening his posture and become stiff and mechanical again.

"Severus, now I want you to slowly sit down with me, alright my love? I'll sit with you, here we go, good that's right, good." She soothed him with her voice as he sank slowly to the floor, eyes warily on hers all the time.

"Right Severus, now I'm going to do something to your arm, just because I'm worried about you okay? I need you to know that I'm not going to hurt you… no pain, okay?"

"pain…" Severus whispered suddenly, his voice low and tortured and broken and suddenly his eyes widened and his jaw clenched and he slowly turned his head to look at his arm as though it was the first time he was actually seeing the damage. "it hurts…" he whispered, looking like a frightened animal as his eyes darted from his arm to her eyes. "it hurts, make it stop!"

"I am, I am, okay? Here babey, look at me, look at me Severus…" Serena spoke gently to him, but the whole time her eyes were trained carefully on his wand that he was waving dangerously in his right hand.

"listen to me now love… I need you to drink this for me; it's going to make you better…" She went to press a calming draught into his wand hand, but he made a snarl and shuffled back from her wildly, pointing his wand directly between her eyes.

She put her hands in the air and apologised profusely, her heart pounding in her chest as fear trickled through her senses. "okay, no touching, no touching…" She placed the calming draught and a blood replenisher in front of him and encouraged him softly to drink them.

He sniffed each one before wearily lifting them to his lips and drinking. As the strong calming potion set in, his shoulders began to relax and his eyes lost their wildness and Serena slowly shuffled closer to him, careful not to touch him.

"Good Severus, very good, you're nearly better, good. now, I'm going to put some things over your arm, I'm not going to touch you if you don't want me to-"

"no," he muttered, shaking his head and furrowing his brow. "no, too dirty, too bad, not clean, need to be clean-"

"It's okay, I'll get you clean, I'll get you clean Severus."

Serena carefully poured two drops of Severus' own nerve regeneration potion over his deep wound, trying not to notice the black bone of his arm, infected with the evil of his Dark Mark or the way the flesh seemed to be burnt crisp and leaked poison. She slowly reached out and poured her essence of dittany over his arm, watching as the flesh began to hiss and then knit itself back together, forming the usual tattoo of the dark mark over a harsh scar of new raw skin.

Finally, she handed him another blood replenisher and a glass of water and then she slumped back against the sofa, completely drained, yet watching him like a hawk. He was sitting crossed legged in his ripped robes, sipping his water calmly, as though nothing had happened. She jumped when he spoke, surprised at his steady voice and calm tone.

"In reply to you question, when I was a child in Hogwarts, Black-"

"I don't care about the fucking question!" Serena cried suddenly. "The only thing I care about is you, Severus. I want to feel you in my arms and know you're safe-"

"no!" he said sharply. "no touching, not clean, no touch-"

"I know, I know," she hushed. "But I need you to trust me. Do you trust me, Severus?"

He looked at her with large dark eyes and gave a timid nod.

"And do you love me?"

"I… I'm not-"

"Do you love me, Severus?"

He paused and his eyes seemed to soften, his face transformed into something more human and he whispered his reply. "so much…"

Serena coaxed him into the bathroom and undressed him with a wave of her wand. "I'm going to wait for you in the bedroom," she explained softly. "take your time."

She left him standing there naked, trying to ignore the new scar on his arm and the way the mark seemed to leer its victory at her, and retreated to the bedroom, carrying his blood soaked clothes. She removed everything from the pockets before vanishing them and sitting down on the bed slowly.

Her hands began to tremble again as the past ten minutes suddenly caught up with her and she realised how wrong the situation was.

Severus had tried to cut out his Dark Mark. She knew he had done many terrible, terrible things in his life but he had never tried something so completely desperate and horrific before.

Something had changed, and his mind had shut down to try and protect him. When his defences unravelled he would remember and it would take all of Serena's strength to keep him strong.

After fifteen long minutes, Serena lay in her pyjamas on the bed, watching the bathroom door. She had heard movement just a moment ago and was waiting for his appearance tensely.

The door eventually creaked open, and Severus emerged in the black pyjama pants Serena had put out for him. His bare feet shuffled into the room slowly and Serena sat up to meet him.

He looked so lost and frightened that it broke her heart and she beckoned to him blindly, ignoring his flinch as she took his hand and pulled him onto the bed with her. She wrapped her arms tightly around his neck and her legs around his waist as she sat in his lap, lavishing his neck and chest with open mouth kisses and trying to make him feel safe and surrounded by her body.

"tell me you love me," she whispered in his ear, trailing her fingers gently through his wet hair. "tell me, Severus, tell me and mean it."

Severus seemed to sob for a moment and then he sniffed and murmured against her cheek in a voice of pain and grief. "All my love is for you… everything… for you…"

Serena couldn't help but cry when she realised tears were escaping Severus too. She rocked him back and forth quietly and eventually he began to speak.

"The Dark Lord… wanted vengeance against his followers for the loss of the prophecy… he… I… myself and two others were not allowed to participate in the battle… and so we were to inflict the punishments on those who were not arrested… to shock them… take them to the Manor… when we went to collect Nott Senior- his- his granddaughter was caught playing with- with Muggles- and- and- the Dark Lord… he made us…me…"

Severus let out a long moan and clung to Serena's arms tightly, biting into the skin of her shoulder as he shook with pain that overwhelmed him. "I killed them… I tortured them and killed them all… they- she was- four- four years old… and I killed them!"


	129. Chapter 128

**A/N: For Javalon14, for being an avid and loyal reader and for .which happens in this chapter a lot too. :p **

Severus was crying.

He was crying and Serena was terrified.

All she could do was hold him and rock him as his body shook and he sobbed loud gasps of pain and remorse into her shoulder, his fists grasping her shirt tightly and his muscles spasming from the aftershocks of whatever curses had been placed on him tonight.

Serena couldn't stop the tears from rolling down her cheeks as she held on to him as tightly as she could. She was so scared she could hardly think straight and the tumble of incomprehensible words that accompanied Severus' sobs only frightened her further.

The fully grown man who she had come to rely on so much had been reduced to a crying boy, much like the children he had killed that night.

_Children_.

Serena shivered and bit her lip so hard she felt it split and tasted copper on her tongue. She buried her face into Severus' hair and breathed in deeply.

Children. He had killed children. She had known about the terrible things he'd had to do for the 'Greater Good' as Albus labelled it. He'd tortured and raped and beaten so many before, but _children._ four years old…

Serena shook with another sob and rocked Severus with her, willing herself to be strong for him.

"I can't-" Severus suddenly cried, his voice a wail of tears and hoarseness, laced with desperation and pleas. "I can't do it anymore," he sobbed, gripping her shoulders tightly and burning his teary gaze into her fiercely. "please," he whispered finally. "please, please don't make me, please-"

Serena's faced was scrunched up so tightly as his pain mixed with her own and she could only nod for long moments as she struggled to find words that would help him.

"no more," she promised eventually, rubbing his arms in an attempt to stop his violent trembling. "no more Severus, it's just you and me here, you and me, no one to hurt us."

"I've h-hurt you," he choked, "hurt- pain- like the ch-children- I never m-meant, they m-made me, I tried-"

"hush babey, hush my love, I know, I know, your masters make you-"

Severus let out a deep animalistic groan and thumped his head on her shoulder. "please, no more, no more, I c-couldn't resist it, the Imp-Imperius-"

Serena's sigh of relief was undeserving. How could she feel so relieved to know he'd been physically forced, rather than blackmailed, when the result had been the same? Children dead; Severus in the middle of a breakdown after trying to kill him self so horrifically; lives ruined… She took a deep breath and stroked his hair, kissing his cheek gently.

"I love you Severus, I love you and you love me."

Severus nodded, still racking up sobs into her shirt- so weak and fragile.

"We get through everything together, don't we?"

He nodded again and hiccupped what sounded like "everything."

She hushed him again and rubbed his back soothingly. "we do… do you remember the night we first made love? In you rooms? And in the night we were awoken and I heard Albus say things about you and you were so scared I would abandon you. Do you remember me telling you that I don't care about things that you've done, or were made to do? I care about your feelings, your heart and soul, the _true_ you. I will _never_ leave you. And when you're struggling I _will_ carry you."

Severus' sobs slowly subsided and the shaking slowed to a tremor. "I remember that story," he whispered shakily into her neck.

"good," she whispered back. "always remember, my love. I'm here for you."

Serena slowly stretched out and lay back in the middle of the bed. Severus lay cradled in her arms, his eyes closed and the shaking of his limbs slowly reducing. She stroked his hair and tried her best to protect him until her eyes fell shut too and dark dreams haunted her.

She awoke with a start to find dark bottomless eyes a mere inch from her own. Severus' nose was just touching hers and it took her a moment to focus on him.

"you're awake," she finally stated unnecessarily, breaking the ice awkwardly.

"mm," he said without expression, only making the knots in Serena's stomach tighten. He stared down at her for over a minute and she started to feel tears pricking in her eyes.

He frowned, and then his eyes softened and he closed them briefly.

Serena reached a shaky hand up to cup his cheek. "I was so fucking worried about you."

Severus snorted and searched her face carefully. "The Order meeting is due to start in an hour and you need to eat," he said smoothly, sitting up and sliding off the end of the bed to pull on one of his neat black shirts. He had a bandage secured tightly over his left forearm. Serena watched him with a gaping mouth for a minute before she glared at him, jumped out of bed, marched over and slapped him straight across the face.

He hissed and as one hand went straight to his burning cheek, the other had her pinned against the wall with his wand at her throat.

"what the bloody hell was that for!" he snapped, his eyes alight and skin aflame with some emotion Serena did not recognise.

"you fucking idiot!" she shouted, wrenching his hand away from her. "you could have fucking killed yourself! You were so fucking close to dying you know! Your mind had shut itself down it was only a matter of minutes before your body failed too!"

Severus rolled his eyes and this time managed to catch Serena's fist in his own before it made contact with his nose.

"what the fuck are you doing!" he shouted, stopping her other fist as it made its move to connect with his chest.

Serena struggled against him for a moment and then glared at him. "what the fuck am _I_ doing?" she yelled, "you just rolled your fucking eyes at me! You nearly died Severus! You nearly left me!"

Serena choked on a sob and Severus pulled her into his arms, wrapping them tightly around her as he buried his face in her hair.

"I am… so sorry," he whispered. "I'm so sorry Serena…" He cradled her head in his hands as though it was the most precious thing in the world and he gently lowered his lips to her forehead. "The events of today are over… I would do well not to think about them, as would you… I admit I was… foolish… I am sorry for the pain I caused you…"

"foolish?" she repeated softly, her eyes wide. "you stupid, stupid man! It was not your fault, they Imperiused you! There was nothing you could have done! Nothing! Why can't you see that? Why can't you see the truth and stop hating yourself?"

Severus shut his eyes for a moment and when he looked at her again his eyes were the swirling molten black she knew as his soul.

"I'm frightened," he admitted eventually, looking so vulnerable in his fear. "I need you to guide me."

"I shall guide you," she promised him softly. "I shall guide you and love you and keep you safe."

"promise?" he rasped desperately.

"with my life."


	130. Chapter 129

**A/N: okay so because we've shot past the 200 mark with reviews i'll post two chapters today :D and if you haven't left a review before i'd really appreciate a teeny tiny one just to let me know what you think. thanks! **

When Serena stepped through the floo into Grimmauld Place half an hour later she shot the crowded room a warning glare before Severus arrived behind her. She took his hand and led him over to the back of the kitchen away from the chatter of the group waiting for Albus to arrive. Severus had his customary scowl on his face as he leant into the corner of the kitchen counters and crossed his arms. Serena stood in front of him, leaning against his chest slightly, her arms leaning on the counter either side of Severus, as though shielding him from everyone else.

When Molly saw Severus she stood up from her chair and marched over to him, drawing the attention of most in the room.

"how dare you Severus Snape!" she began in a shrill voice, her finger jabbing towards him. Serena straightened up and stepped forward half threateningly, half warningly towards Molly.

"Molly-"

"don't you go defending him now!" she snapped, "You heard what he said about Sirius! How could you hurt Remus like that! And poor Max is so confused-"

"Molly," Serena warned in a harsh tone. "I suggest you stop talking-"

"Don't you tell me-"

Serena's fists clenched by her sides and she suddenly felt Severus' cold hands wrap firmly around hers.

"Molly," he said quietly, his expression still hard, although anyone who knew him well could see the vulnerability behind his eyes. "I suggest you do as Serena says. She is a very powerful witch and you would do well not to underestimate her-"

"oh so you can speak for yourself then!" Molly huffed, her face turning red as she became angrier.

"Molly," Serena growled again, "Now is not the time-"

"It is the time!" she shrieked, "I'm not letting this bully get away with-"

Serena's eyes flashed and raring fire shot in a fierce protective circle around her and Severus. It roared for less than a second but the meaning was clear.

Molly stumbled backward into the waiting arms of her husband as the room fell silent and watched with wide eyes.

"Did you see-" Molly shrieked, but Arthur stopped her with a whispered word in her ear. She glared at Serena and then puffed out her chest. "very well," she said shortly. "we will have this discussion another time." She huffed once more and stormed back to her seat.

There was an awkward pause where Serena glared fiercely at everyone and Severus stood stock still, not making eye contact with anyone.

Everyone slowly resumed their talking and Serena did not move until Remus came over with Vinnie cradled against his shoulder. He gave Serena a small smile and flickered his eyes up to Severus questioningly. Serena shut her eyes briefly and Remus gave a small nod to show he understood.

"Arthur scolded Molly for picking a fight with a girl trying to protect her mate," he said quietly.

Serena raised her eyebrows and looked at Arthur who was still trying to calm his wife. "that's nice of him."

"mm," he agreed. "Are you staying over tonight?"

"Of course, if you'll have me?" Serena replied, trying to ignore the way Severus' hands tightened his grip on her.

"thanks," he muttered quietly. "Vinnie's got a temperature."

"oh no, do you think it's serious?"

He shrugged and rubbed the tin girl's back. "I sure hope not, It's just a little cough or something probably, it just had to come at the worst possible moment. And if she gets sick or starts crying in- in the service tomorrow… Not that I really want her to be there anyway, I'm going to be in no state to-"

"I'm not going tomorrow," Severus stated suddenly, finally turning his eyes to meet Remus' taken aback gaze.

Remus seemed lost for words for a moment and then managed a simple "oh."

Serena sighed and shook her head. "That's Severus' way of telling you he'll be free to look after Lavinia."

Remus' mouth opened and then snapped closed before tears filled his eyes and he had to blink hastily.

Severus rolled his own eyes and luckily Remus chuckled. "thank you Severus, I would appreciate that."

Severus inclined his head and then went back to staring at the adjoining wall whilst Remus shot Serena another puzzled glance. She shook her head and he nodded. "right, I'd better put this one to bed before the meeting starts." He left the room after greeting Albus and Harry and his friends.

Serena turned to Severus after casting a discreet muffliato and she slipped her arms up around his neck. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "I shouldn't have reacted that way towards Molly- the fire-"

"worked," he interrupted, placing a soft kiss on her lips and then closing his eyes and pressing his forehead against Serena's. "I owe you so much," he whispered, his breath fluttering against her moist lips. "Fuck Serena I'm so scared."

"Me too," she confessed. "I'm terrified."

"I keep seeing-" Severus suddenly straightened up, dropped his hands and shot his most fearsome snarl over Serena's shoulder. "Potter."

Serena whirled around and pulled the red faced boy into a hug. "Harry!"

Severus growled behind her and she gave Harry an apologetic smile as she drew back. "One moment Harry." She turned to Severus and shot him a grimace. "I need to speak with Harry, I'll be three minutes, it's important."

Severus gave a reluctant nod and then turned and scowled at Harry. "You stay away from my wife Potter-"

"Severus!" Serena scolded, almost laughing from the ridiculousness of his threat. "We'll be back in a moment." She took Harry's arm and pulled him through the hall into the empty living room. "I'm sorry about Severus," she said as she shut the door whilst warding the room.

Harry shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. "That was quite mild for Professor Snape."

She gave him a small smile and then shook her head and leant back against the door, her expression falling sombre. "I'm so sorry, Harry," she began, wringing her hands together. "I'm so sorry, I- I thought I could teach you occlumency, I thought I could keep him out of your head-"

"Prof- Serena-"

"No don't Harry," she insisted. "I was a fool, I should have told Severus, I should have begged him to teach you-"

"I learn more with you than I ever did with him-"

"yes but it wasn't good enough, was it!" she cried. "Maybe if I'd told Albus I couldn't do it properly he would have taught you himself-"

"you know he couldn't…" Harry stopped and looked down at his trainers, his fists clenched tightly together. "He told me why he'd been avoiding me… He told me everything… how I have to be the one to kill Voldemort…"

Serena let out a long sigh. "Do you hate him for not telling you sooner?"

Harry shrugged and avoided her gaze. "I went crazy… stormed his office… shouted and everything. It's not your fault Serena, nothing is, it's his. If he'd told me what could have happened if Voldemort got into my mind, I might have… Sirius might be-"

"don't," Serena whispered, wiping away her tears fiercely. "Don't do this to yourself. Sirius' death was Bellatrix's fault, not yours."

Harry choked on a sob and Serena was with him in a split second, pulling his scrawny body into a tight hug.

"It's okay Harry, we're all with you…"

He shook for a long minute but when he pulled away from her he looked calmer. He wiped away his tears, seeming embarrassed and Serena cleaned both their faces with a wave of her wand. He shot her a grateful look and she pulled him by the arm to the door. "I'm sorry I couldn't kill Bellatrix," he said suddenly, squeezing her hand.

Serena was shocked for a moment and by the time she's opened her mouth to reply he'd slipped back into the kitchen where the meeting was just starting. She composed herself and went to join Severus, taking up her stance in front of him again with a slightly softer glare this time.

"Fun with Potter?" Severus snapped in her ear.

She smiled and gave him a kiss in reply, ignoring his comment. It worked because he wrapped his arms tightly around her waist, pulling her closer to him as he shot a threatening glance towards Harry.

Albus started the meeting by going over the events before the battle. He mapped everyone's positions and actions on maps of Hogwarts, Headquarters, London and the Ministry. He ran through everything they'd done, how quickly messages were responded to, how fast everyone convened and the battle plan Tonks used.

Everyone gave short statements on their actions but it was when Albus asked Harry to stand up that Serena grew cold.

"What do you mean?" his friend Hermione said suddenly, frowning at something Harry had said. "I thought Professor Snape was teaching you, Harry?"

Serena stiffened and she felt Severus' eyes on the back of her head.

Harry went red and his eyes found Serena's.

Severus cleared his throat, making her jump. _Into the fire_, he thought dryly as he looked at Molly's challenging face. "I stopped teaching Potter some months ago. Our arrangement did not work, he invaded my privacy and refused to practise. He was a lost cause, the arrogant boy thought the connection made him special-"

"Severus-"

"how could you-"

"Now Severus," Albus scolded, interrupting everyone else's comments. "control your temper."

Severus snorted and resumed scowling at Potter.

"then where have you been going?" Hermione said. "you go every week-"

"I've been teaching Harry," Serena admitted to the room, her insides squeezing with guilt. Severus' hands gripped painfully tight on her waist and she shifted slightly from one foot to the other as he growled quietly in her ear.

"I did my best, and I admit now that it wasn't enough-"

"Professor Lake taught me everything I know about occlumency, Voldemort was just too strong," Harry said loudly.

"I can vouch for that," Albus said, inclining his head. "And now, onto the timings of the thestrals, Harry perhaps if you could-"

Serena didn't hear the rest of Albus' words. Her whole being was concentrated on Severus as she felt the betrayal, disappointment and mistrust he felt towards her. She tried to turn around to see his face, but the grip he had on her waist stopped her. It seemed he was trying to cool down before she saw him.

As Albus neared the middle of the meeting, Severus dropped his hands from her waist and instead took her wrist in a vice like grip, pulling her past Samuel and out into the hallway. The kitchen door fell shut behind them and Severus pulled her into the living room, adding so many protective secrecy spells his hand was a blur. He stormed to the other side of the room and whirled around, his black cloak billowing behind him.

"well?" he snarled. "care to explain why you've been seeing Potter behind my back every week for the past Merlin knows when?"

Serena leant back against the door and shut her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"SORRY?" he roared, making her jump. "And just what are you apologising for? Not telling me? Or for sleeping with another man behind my back-"

"how dare you!" she shouted. "how fucking sick are you, Severus! Harry is my student! I was teaching him! Nothing more, and definitely nothing else that gets spat out of your vivid imagination!"

"oh turning it on me now, are you? I should have fucking known! It's Lily and James all over a-fucking-gain!"

"Don't you fucking dare! Don't you compare me to that bitch-"

Severus' wand was at Serena's throat in the flash of an eye and she blinked the tears that had formed in her eyes back quickly.

"what did you just call her?" he said in a slow, dangerous voice, his dark eyes glittering.

Serena raised her head and gathered her courage. "I called her a bitch, and she was for what she did to you, Severus. How on this earth am I anything the fuck like her? you think I slept with Harry Potter? You think I love him, not you? Do you not fucking know me! Do you not fucking trust me! Do you not love me, Severus?"

Severus took several deep breaths and swished to stand by the window, his wand clutched tightly in his hand. "you lie to me; you go behind my back and humiliate me in front of Potter's son; you deceive me; you sneak around to meet another man for an hour a week and you never fucking mentioned it!"

"I TOOK A VOW OF FIDELITY FOR YOU!" she shouted, thrusting her ring towards him. "I know what it feels like when it burns! Do you think that even if I was sick enough to _consider_ sleeping with another man, I could live with causing you intentional pain?"

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" he roared. "why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

"because I knew you'd say no! I knew you'd never agree and even if by some bloody miracle you did, you'd be there before and after every single meeting, taunting and slipping in remarks and getting in a foul mood. You'd treat Harry even worse in class; you'd take it out on him as well, what was the point in me telling you?"

"because we're married! You're my wife!"

"Exactly! So you should fucking trust me!"

"I'm not the one sneaking off with-"

"there was no sneaking!"

"oh did I say sneaking, I meant shagging-"

Serena's stunner was blocked by a flick of his wand and suddenly they were duelling. The curses weren't serious, but the intent behind them was strong and things smashed around the room as spells were deflected or missed their targets. Serena's burning hex grazed the side of Severus' leg and he was so angry, the stinging jinx he sent back hit its target. She hissed in pain as she defended herself from him whilst trying to heal the angry red marks on her left arm with her mind. She could duel well but seeing Severus in action was just amazing. He was better than anyone she knew and it was only because she was using her other powers to control the direction of his spells through the air that she was still standing. She had to duck another two hexes from him and jump to the side of another, but the stunner he sent at her eventually hit its target and she was slammed against the sofa with a thump and everything went black.


	131. Chapter 130

**A/N: and here's number two ..**

Serena's head hurt.

Her eyelids felt heavy and as she tried to lift them her vision was fuzzy. She blinked a few times until the room slid back into focus.

She could see the carpeted floor of the living room of Headquarters and decided she was lying on the sofa. Sitting on a small stool on the other side of the room, nursing a glass of amber liquid, was Severus. His eyes were hooded and his expression dark. As though he sensed her waking, his eyes lifted up to met hers.

He held her gaze for almost a minute before he sipped his drink and spoke in a rough voice. "I think the potions I've taken for my injuries have disrupted my brain patterns. I- erm- I can't think properly."

"Sev-"

"no wait," he said urgently, rubbing the bridge of his nose and looking down into his glass. "I… what happened… with my arm, I was on the brink of madness and you were the only person who could have brought me out of that and you did it with practiced ease and it shouldn't have to be that way but it is." He had another mouthful and put his glass on a table to the side of him. He rubbed at an imaginary mark on his boots and sighed. "I can't stop being jealous of people who spend time with you. I would be dead or mad or worse if not for you. You keep me sane Serena and I would give my life for you I would give anything.

"you wanted to know why I hated Black. When I was in school the infamous Marauders were always sneaking off, planning things… Lupin- Remus- kept disappearing every month. The teachers made all sorts of excuses for him, visiting sick relatives and all that bollocks. I was into potions and chemistry and the dark arts, I knew when something was wrong. One night I went to find out and Potter and Black lured me through a passageway underneath the Whomping Willow. Lupin was there, in the middle of a transformation- such a horrific thing. I was terrified, I'd never seen anything like it but I knew how dangerous he was as a wolf. He saw me, Merlin, I thought I was going to die. I got dragged out at the last minute by his friends. They got scared of the trouble they'd get in…

"Not that they got in much," he scoffed. "A detention with Filch and a few points taken. I got points taken as well for being out at night and a yelling at by my Head of House for being a coward."

Severus scoffed and finished his drink in one swallow. "so that's why I hated him. He made my school life fucking hell for no reason. I had no break, no friends, no one to turn to. They just kept on and on and on at me and there was no one who would help me. I was alone."

Serena shut her eyes when he had finished and swallowed the disgust she felt for Sirius at that moment. When she opened her eyes she slowly got up, ignoring her thumping head, and walked slowly over to him, sitting on the floor at his feet and wrapping an arm around his leg. She nuzzled her face into his leg and kissed his hand.

"you're not alone anymore."

Severus slowly lifted a hand and ran it through her soft hair, trailing his fingertips down the side of her jaw and then along her neck.

"we should go back into the kitchen," he said quietly.

Serena looked at him, surprised. "the meeting is still on?"

He nodded. "you were out for five minutes… I… I did not mean to-"

"It was a duel, Severus, I'm only sorry you beat me."

He gave a flicker of a smirk and then grew serious again. "we've been half an hour tops, Albus will probably be getting annoyed…"

Serena stood up and took his hand, but he pulled her into a sudden hug, burying his face in her hair and breathing in deeply. His whisper in her ear was rough and hoarse and his grip on her waist was tight. "You know I…"

"I know," she hummed, holding him to her, her head resting against his chest. "you know I do too okay?"

"I do."

"good."

"nice of you to join us," Alastor Moody remarked dryly as they walked back into the stuffy meeting room.

Serena unconsciously moved behind Severus, her stomach clenching at the sight of him. She knew it was stupid, that this was not the same man, but the image burnt into her head would not leave and he triggered her fear.

As they took up their usual places at the back of the kitchen, Serena sought out Remus amongst the crowd. It appeared Tonks had arrived, and she was sitting on a chair next to him with her arm wrapped gently around his waist. He leant into her touch and continued to look towards Albus. She risked a glance at Remus' face and saw his eyes dark and his jaw clenched. She realised how hard it must be for him to hear Sirius' death played out step by step and analysed for mistakes and improvements. She was glad she had been unconscious when Kingsley's meeting had happened. Her ears tuned into Albus' dialogue and she looked over to where he was poured over maps and moving diagrams.

"…and of course whilst this was happening in the eastern wing of the thrown room, on the dais by the veil we have the battle of Bellatrix Lestrange and Sirius Black."

The room seemed to shuffle uncomfortably and there were a few murmurs and glances towards Remus. Albus continued, and Serena remembered how he believed you had to confront what had happened before you could get over it.

"From the pensieve memories we've seen it appears Sirius started with hex seven, moved forward to defensive stratagem five and then attacked once more. After that, all known battle plans were abandoned and the fight became personal. For those interested, we have the list of spells Sirius used here, but for now we'll move onto Bellatrix's stratagem and try to gain knowledge on her technique from there. The more information we gain, the better chance we have of arresting them next time.

"So Bellatrix concentrated mainly on unforgivables two and three…"

Serena sighed and leant her head against Severus' shoulder. Did life and death always become so clinical and technical? Was this how they spoke about Kingsley when he had been murdered? With figures and phrases she didn't understand, and nothing about the warmth and love he represented?

She didn't blame Remus when he left the room quietly.


	132. Chapter 131

**A/N: okay, today's chapter was supposed to be Sirius' memorial, and it's not, i'm sorry. I just couldn't write it. I've had a bit of a head-blag by someone recently and i just can't write properly. I'm hoping the block will be gone soon and my plot bunnies will be their usual selves. I'm also majorly behind on replying to all your amazing reviews, i apologise for the delay, hope you're all okay, much love xxx**

"you can't just accuse me of sleeping with everyone I speak to," Serena sighed, resting her head on Severus' shoulder.

They were sitting on the second floor landing in Grimmauld Place, outside of Remus' room, where he had just retired to bed.

Severus stiffened. "I don't-"

"you do though," she sighed, glancing up at his face. "any man I speak to, you want to know who he is, what he was saying. Surely you can see that's not fair- especially when you accused me of having an affair with a student this morning!"

"all of the evidence pointed-"

"I'm not evidence, Severus," she said softly, stroking his arm and breathing in his smell deeply. "I'm not angry anymore, but I'm frustrated with you… I know how insecure you can feel, I really do, sometimes I think I'm not good enough for you- I'm spoilt goods physically and mentally-"

"stop it, stop talking," he muttered, finally turning his head to look at her. "you're fucking beautiful, and we were meant to be together… I am in the wrong… I will try to suppress my jealousy as best as possible…"

She smiled slightly and brushed her lips against his.

"try and get some sleep," he murmured, standing up and pulling her with him.

"will you not stay tonight? Please? I hate being apart from you, and tomorrow morning is going to be difficult."

Severus saw the pleading in her eyes and he inclined his head. "lead the way."

Severus took off his cloak and shoes and socks and slid into their usual bed whilst Serena undressed and turned the baby monitor on.

"stop staring," she said smiling in the darkness and shooting his a glance.

He gave a deep chuckle, but when she slipped into bed next to him he wrapped his body around her tightly and kissed her collar bone.

"You'll be strong tomorrow," he murmured against her cheek.

She made an affirmative noise and swallowed. "I'll get her one day, Severus, I swear I will."

Severus did not reply, but his grip on her tightened as Serena drifted into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

Severus awoke to the sound of shuffling outside their door. His brow creased and he reached into the sleeve of his shirt for his wand. He trained it on the door and sat up slowly, careful not to wake Serena. He could see a shadow on the underside of the door and the floorboard gave a faint creak. He climbed slowly over Serena and moved to the door, his wand gripped tightly. His left hand grasped the door handle and in one fluid moment he wrenched it backwards and pressed his wand into the throat of the person outside.

"Remus," he said finally, lowering his wand. The other man was dressed in his night clothes and from his red eyes Severus knew he'd been crying.

"Severus," he said thickly, turning red and wiping his tears away hastily. "I was just… I couldn't sleep…"

"So you decided to loiter outside our room?" Severus countered, raising one eyebrow.

"I'm sorry- I- I couldn't decide whether to wake Serena or-"

"I understand," Severus murmured. He glanced back into the room and looked upon his wife, sleeping peacefully. He cast a gentle charm on her to ensure she did not wake and shut the door, warding it as usual. "let her sleep," he said quietly. "Come, I'll get us a Brandy."

He led the way downstairs, hoping he didn't bump into any of his students looking like this- in his crumpled and un-tucked white shirt and black trousers with no shoes on.

His footsteps were silent as he walked downstairs and the lights in the kitchen turned on with a wave of his hand.

"sit," he said to Remus, who sat down at the table and buried his face in his hands, looking washed out.

Severus slid a glass of Brandy in front of him, put the bottle on the table and sat down opposite him, sipping at his own glass.

"drink," he said shortly, nodding to Remus' glass.

Remus sighed miserably and took a sip. It appeared he liked it because he had another and another and quickly tipped the whole glass back. Severus silently refilled it.

"Where did you get this from?" Remus asked quietly. "Is it ours? I mean- mine?" he corrected quickly, pressing his lips together tightly.

Severus cleared his throat and swirled his glass. "no, it's Samuel's, but I doubt he'll mind."

"He's a good Dad," Remus said suddenly. "I've never seen Max unhappy… never seen him without manners or even asking for things… I hope Lavinia… I hope I do okay with her, too."

Severus drank his Brandy to hide his discomfort. "you will," he said eventually. "and hopefully she won't grow up with war."

Remus swallowed and nodded. "When she's old enough, I'll tell her all about Sirius… how much he loved her…"

Severus averted his gaze and poured them both another drink.

"Don't you just wonder?" Remus sighed, rubbing his face. "If there was no war? Don't you wonder how things would have turned out? I might not even have met Sirius… and Kingsley wouldn't be dead so-"

"Serena and I belong together," Severus interrupted in a firm voice. "She would have left him."

"But how do you know?" Remus said, raising his arms in the air, his voice slightly slurred. "She loved him, they'd been together for years, he saved her when her parents went to Azkaban-"

"Before they got back together she kissed me… a few times," he muttered bitterly, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "There was- we were- close." He managed, cursing himself for making it sound so lame.

"did you like her back then?"

Severus knocked back his drink before answering and he refused to look at the other man. "Yes."

"How did you know?"

Severus snorted. "what is this, couples counselling? I just knew, Lupin, okay? I couldn't get her out of my fucking head, she was so- and after seeing- I saw-"

Remus actually chuckled and it stopped Severus in his tracks. "what?" he snarled.

"You saw the photos then, huh?"

Severus froze.

"I was in her room looking for something once and I stumbled upon them…"

"wait, copies? She still has them?"

"As far as I'm aware she burnt them after that- she was so embarrassed," he grinned. "She looked beautiful, didn't she?"

"Watch your mouth, Lupin," Severus snapped, glaring at him.

Remus shook his head and smiled. "I mean no harm, Severus. I am merely stating what I thought."

"thought? Are you implying my wife has lost her beauty, Lupin?"

Remus raised his eyebrows and looked up to see a smirk on Severus' face.

"Merlin am I dreaming or did you just crack a joke, Severus? Serena really has made her mark on you."

Severus merely grunted. "shall I open another bottle?"

Remus sighed, "why not?"

Severus summoned another bottle of Samuel's Brandy and opened it with his wand.

"Did it not make you jealous? Knowing Black and Serena..?" Severus trailed off and stared at the wall opposite, his jaw clenched.

Remus shrugged. "Sirius loved me. He didn't love Serena like that."

Severus snorted. "they had sex. They got naked together. They knew each others bodies inside and out-"

"He knows my heart inside and out. He knows my mind inside and out."

Severus sighed and nodded.

"knew," Remus corrected quietly. "sorry."

Severus shook his head. "Now I see where Serena gets it from- apologising for things that are clearly not her fault, just like a complete dunderhead."

Remus chuckled. "I never knew you could be so funny, Severus."

Severus scowled. "shut up wolf or I might just ruin your wolfsbane this month."

Remus smiled and then grew solemn. "thanks for looking after Vinnie tomorrow."

"As I remember it I had no choice."

"ah, got you under her thumb has she?"

Severus snorted and then smirked. "she wishes, Lupin, she wishes."

Remus smiled and then sighed. "I really thought we'd grow old together…"

Severus shrugged. "he's gone. you need to get on with your life."

Remus winced and Severus rolled his eyes.

"I understand how-" Severus shook his head and tried again ."there is nothing you can do, and dwelling on what should or could have been is pointless and a waste of energy. Concentrate on Lavinia. She needs a capable and emotionally stable Father."

Remus' expression softened and he nodded, standing up slowly. "I should check on her. Goodnight, Severus. Thanks for… the drink."

Severus inclined his head and waited until Remus had left before pouring himself another glass and losing himself in the deep mahogany liquid.


	133. Chapter 132

**A/N: new chapter to celebrate the release of the final film. I went to the midnight screening last night and it was amazing! i'm sure you guys will have parts you loved and hated too [tell me which bits!] , but i must say i've never cried so much in my life. have a good day and if you have a mo, drop a review. thanks! **

"Remus..?" Serena murmured, opening his bedroom door slowly and peering in. Molly Weasley was at her heels carrying a giant bar of chocolate and a cup of tea, and she ushered Serena into the room.

"Remus?" Serena said cautiously, her stomach tightening as she heard the bath running Her eyes moved slowly over to the closed bathroom door and trailed down an inch at a time to see the gap underneath.

Water.

Water was pouring under the bathroom door and she could hear the taps still running.

Her heart pounded and she had no time to think as she ran at the door and slammed herself into it. "Open!" she screamed, slamming against it with her fist. "open! open! Alohomora!"

The door opened at her words, but she was already slamming towards it one more time and she stumbled through unexpectedly, her boots splashing through the thin layer of water streaming across the floor.

Vinnie's crying rang through her ears from the bedroom and Serena could hear Molly shouting down the stairs for someone to help them. She was so dizzy she had to look around the room twice before she found Remus, not drowning in the bath, but sitting calmly on a chair by the sink, staring at his face in the mirror.

Serena sobbed in relief and she slumped to the ground, gasping in deep gulps of air that she had forgotten to breathe. She didn't care that the water soaked her jeans, or the way it was so cold she started to shiver. She couldn't move her eyes from Remus or the way his chest rose and fell as he breathed.

She heard footsteps pounding up the stairs and Samuel and Severus burst into the bathroom with their wands pointing wildly from the floor, to Remus, to Serena.

Remus cleared his throat. "I believe there has been a mix up," he said hoarsely, finally turning away from his own reflection to look at the three of them.

"you foolish man!" Serena shouted, scrambling to her feet. "you stupid, foolish, stupid man! Did you want to scare me to death?" She splashed over to Remus, grabbed hold of his cardigan and pulled him off the chair before crushing him into a hug. Remus' arms moved slowly around her and he sighed, closing his eyes and burying his face in her hair.

"I'm so sorry to worry you," he murmured. "I was simply running a bath and… lost track of time, I suppose."

There was another shriek from behind them and Molly ran in, her arms floundering as she too hugged Remus and then began scolding him for frightening her. "my poor nerves!"

Severus caught Serena's eye and he jerked his head towards the door. Serena slipped past Samuel who was cleaning up the watery mess, and out into the bedroom, where Severus was peering over the side of the cot to sneer at Vinnie who was bawling her little head off.

"let's leave Mrs Bennet to it," he muttered, the corners of his mouth twitching.

Serena looked confused for a moment and then shrugged to herself before lifting Vinnie up into her arms.

"what's your Daddy been doing huh? Shh, now Lavinia, be good, shh."

Severus rolled his eyes and scowled. "must she cry so loudly? Can you not use as silencing charm?"

"no of course not! Babies cry, Severus, it's natural."

"I didn't cry," he muttered, looking at Lavinia's red face with distaste.

"That's because you knew no one would come anyway," she said softly, reaching out a hand to stroke his arm. "here, you take her, she likes you."

"don't be ridiculous."

"come on- you're having her later for an hour anyway. you might as well remind her who you are, and I need to help Remus get dressed and eat something, and I need to get changed too."

"no way."

Serena raised her eyebrows. "please?"

He glared at her and muttered something under his breath about pickled horn toads, before reluctantly reaching out and lifting the baby from Serena. He held her out in front of him, examining her face with soft eyes.

"silence," he hissed suddenly and Lavinia fell quiet. She made a small gurgling noise and her eyes blinked a few times before she reached out a tiny hand towards him.

He shook his head and scowled and she gurgled again before looking at her own hand with sudden interest.

"she's slobbering," Severus said suddenly, his eyes wide.

Serena laughed lightly. "yes."

"well- do something!"

She laughed again and conjured a tissue, wiping it carefully away. "hold her properly, Severus, you know even _you_ can't resist that baby smell, and she needs cuddles."

"I don't bloody give-"

"no swearing," she scolded, but she smiled when Severus slowly let Lavinia rest against his chest.

"hmm," he grunted, "her hands have gotten fat."

"It's baby fat- she needs it, she's growing. "last week, Sirius- he-" Serena cleared her throat and tried to ignore her stinging eyes and aching chest. "he- put her down on her stomach and she used her legs to move herself forward by almost two feet… it was… he was so proud," she finished with a whisper, turning towards the window to blink away her tears.

Severus watched her back for a moment and then sighed. He couldn't help her- not if he was glad Black was dead. "she needs feeding," he stated. "I'll do it."

She turned around, but he was gone. She smiled to herself- Vinnie was growing on him.

"Serena…"

"Remus, don't apologise… As I remember it I've given you a scare like that before- I guess that makes us even."

Remus shrugged and looked around the room "where's Lavinia?"

"Severus is feeding her downstairs," she said with the hint of a smile on her lips.

Remus raised his eyebrows. "wow."

"Indeed. Right, come on, Molly's brought you some toast up, yes, that's yours, eat it now if you can, I know your stomach's probably in knots…"

Serena sat back on the bed and sighed. "this is really shit, isn't it?"

"I'm trying not to think about it," he said quietly, nibbling at a piece of toast. "It's just so fucking strange, you know, how everything just carries on, even though- even though-"

"Even though your life is falling apart," she finished for him. "you expect everything to screech to a halt and for everyone to mourn and remember, but apart from a handful of people…"

"no one cares."

"People care," she said firmly. "but people know well enough that this is war, and that once he's gone, there's nothing anyone can do about it."

"Someday," he sighed, rubbing his eyes. "someday we'll end it."

"and that's a promise," Serena added, rubbing him on the back. "come on, I'm going to go and get dressed I'll be back in five."

She left him to his thoughts and slipped back into her room where she pulled on her long black corset style robes and heels. She tucked her hair behind her ears, added a dash of makeup and then sat back on the bed, locking the door with her wand.

Sirius was gone. The man that had made her feel so _alive_ after Kingsley's death had been ripped from her and destroyed by the same woman.

And she would strike again.

Who would it be next time? she thought. Remus? Samuel? a Weasley? Tonks?

…_Severus._

Serena's stomach clenched and head hurt just thinking about it. No. That was not an option. And if it became one… she wouldn't suffer for long, she thought. A life without Severus was no life at all.

"Serena?" the door slammed open and Severus burst though, his wand at the ready and his great black robes billowing behind him.

"what's wrong?" she panicked, looking past him into the empty hall.

"I- you- nothing, apparently." Severus' hand unconsciously reached around his throat and he frowned.

"what is it? Your mark? Remus?"

"no, it's you- well- your necklace, it- _tingled._"

This time it was Serena's hand that reached towards her neck and pulled the silver chain from beneath her robes. The words _Property of Severus Snape_ glinted in the landing light and she gave a small smile before returning her gaze to him. "you said it burns if I'm in a life threatening situation?"

"yes, it does, but this- _tingled._" He took out his wand and began casting many different spells about the room. He took a small, black velvet bag from his inner pocket and emptied three miniature objects onto the bed. He enlarged them and bent over them, tracing his wand over the top carefully.

"you keep a foe glass, a sneakascope and a- what is that? - in your pocket?"

Severus nodded absentmindedly and shrunk them down again. "nothing. what were you doing?"

"I was… getting dressed? I don't know, thinking?"

"about wh…" Severus' eyes narrowed and he turned his wand on Serena. "thinking about what, Serena?"

She swallowed and shrugged, applying the little occlumency she knew and looking away from his piercing eyes. "just Sirius and stuff, come on, or I'm going to be late-"

"Serena."

"what, Severus?" she snapped. "I was thinking, okay, just thinking, now move."

Severus gripped the top of her arm tightly and pressed her against the wall, his face a mere inch from her own and his breathing heavy. "don't think about things," he whispered. "please don't… it may never happen-"

"you know it will," she said, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "you know it will Severus and I can't even- if you-"

"don't," he said firmly, wiping her tears away with the pad of his thumb. "don't cry," he whispered against her lips. "please don't cry, little one. Be strong for me. be positive- we can beat Him, we can."

She sniffed and nodded. "you're right, I'm sorry, this is ridiculous."

"it is," he muttered, shutting his eyes briefly. When he opened them he looked so much older than he was and Serena kissed him desperately, trying to put all her thoughts and feelings into one action, because no words could describe how scared she was of losing him. Her hands gripped him so tightly and her tears dried as he made her feel alive and needed and _whole_ once more.

There was a soft cough and a knock from the doorway and they broke apart, not bothering to look embarrassed at being caught kissing.

It was Tonks. She, like Serena was dressed in long black robes and her hair was cropped into a pixie with a deep midnight blue shade.

"Everyone's ready to leave," she said, looking solemn.

"we'll come down with you now, Tonks," Serena said, trying to give a brave smile. The two women walked first in a sombre silence and Severus followed, scowling after them- a scowl that only a baby could dissolve.


	134. Chapter 133

**A/N: Here it is- such a difficult chapter to write. One line taken from Eels 'going to your funeral' and inspiration from James Blunt's 'Goodbye My Lover' which i recommend you listen to before reading this. oh, and bring tissues. and a pen- to write me a review. much love xxx**

The sun gleamed down through the bluest sky Serena had seen in years. The rays caressed the ground and warmed the air and the owls' calls echoed across the grounds.

_A perfect day for perfect pain._

Remus and Serena stood outside the entrance to the Hogwarts Chapel. The humble wooden doors that had appeared for Remus stood before them in the deserted stone corridor.

"I'm so scared of what I'll find," Remus whispered, his eyes full of tears and his face one of fear and misery. "I believe in God, Serena, but so many believe my kind are damned. What if there is no place for me? What if it's just an empty cupboard? Werewolves-"

Serena took his hand and held it tightly, trying fruitlessly to stop her own tears from forming.

"Albus found me in there once, or in my own version of the room. He said the room holds a magic of the heart. It becomes what one needs it to become. It knows what you need Remus- there is nothing to be frightened of."

Remus took a deep breath and nodded. He reached out a shaky hand towards the door and then stopped and shook his head. When he spoke, his voice was a whisper and his eyes were full of pain. "will you come with me?"

"I'm here for you."

Serena copied Remus' hand, and together they pushed open the carved doors. The room was flooded with the hazy red light that accompanied the sun setting and rising. It took their eyes a moment to adjust but what they eventually saw was beautiful. The room was circular and the ceiling low, with a domed glass roof through which the rays of light pierced. The carpet was red and plush with soft orange cushions laid out on the floor in a large circle around the edge of the room. In the middle of the circle there was a small circle of candles- scented with rosemary- with blue flames that emitted lilac smoke rising up in identical spirals for almost a foot before diffusing into the air. In the centre of the circle, there was a strange picture forged from silver mist- as though from a pensieve. It was suspended just off the ground and figures were clearly visible, looking like a photograph made from pensieve memories. It showed Sirius and Remus, with Sirius holding Lavinia after she had just been born. They were both smiling down at the sleeping baby and then glancing up to give each other looks of pure love and happiness.

Serena heard Remus sob beside her and she held his hand even tighter as her own tears tracked down her face. "let us sit," she whispered. They slipped off their shoes before entering and left them on a rack beside the door. Remus led Serena across the room, trying not to disturb a thin layer of red rose petals that lay scattered over the carpet. They sank down onto adjacent cushions and simply looked into the centre memory. Remus was shaking next to her but Serena was no help- her own emotions had caught up with her and she could not stop crying as she watched the memory Sirius smile down at his baby girl.

Time was unimportant inside the room, and they did not know if seconds or hours had passed until the door opened again and Albus entered. He did not look surprised at the shape the room had taken, or if he was, he hid it well. Instead, he slipped off his purple slippers and took a seat next to Serena, managing to look elegant even when crossed legged.

He reached out a hand and took Remus' in his own. "I offer you my deepest condolences, Remus. I'm so terribly sorry for the loss of Sirius."

Remus hiccupped and nodded. "thank you Albus," he managed weakly.

Albus conjured a handkerchief and handed it to him, before turning his gaze onto the memory and looking solemn.

When the door opened next, Harry and his friends, Ron and Hermione came in and took their places. Hermione was crying silently as she was comforted by Ron, and Harry was deathly pale. He sat next to Remus, with his friends on his other side.

"Harry…" Remus sniffed, shaking his hand. "I'm so glad you're here… you meant so much to Sirius…"

Harry blinked back tears and simply nodded before shutting his eyes and blocking out the room.

The door opened and closed a few times, welcoming order members and ministry colleagues that had been close to Sirius. When the door closed for the final time, about twenty people sat in the circle of the room.

After a long moment in silence, Remus cleared his throat. "I'd like to thank you all for being here," he said hoarsely, not moving his eyes from the centre. "We're the p-people that Sirius loves-loved- sorry I-" Remus took a shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut. "Albus has kindly agreed to lead the service, which I promise will be short, I just- I just thought we should say… we should say…" tears rolled down Remus' cheeks and he swallowed the lump in his throat as his eyes refocused on the memories playing at the centre of the room. "…goodbye…"

Molly Weasley gave an audible sob and Arthur put his arm around her gently as Albus began talking in a soft voice.

"Since the beginning of humanity Death has terrified us all. Be it wizard or muggle, no one has knowledge of death. It is our future, It haunts our past, and today, Death is present. Sirius was a man whose experience with death was great. So many of our friends have died in war, and in battle… So many have fallen to protect others, to fight for the light, to stop the evil, and Sirius was one of them…"

Remus looked down into his lap and shut his tearful eyes. His heart ached with so much pain he could hardly breathe. His chest felt crushed and broken and he wondered how emotions could cause such harsh physical pain. It was as though half of him had been torn brutally away and he was left ragged and bleeding, a wound that would never fully heal, no matter how much time he gave it. He could hear Albus' soft tone flowing like music around him, caressing his wound, soothing and holding him safe. Serena's hand was in his own and that touch alone sent warmth up his arm. He hurt so badly all the time, but these tiny comforts kept him breathing, kept him inhaling the pain and feeling his chest shatter into fragments of what his life had been. _Sirius_.

_I've kissed your lips and held your hand.  
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.  
I know you well, I know your smell.  
I've been addicted to you._

Could he ever be happy again? At that moment he thought it so impossible, yet Serena had moved on and found even greater happiness with a different man. He remembered her guilt as she cried to him one night about how she felt she had betrayed Kingsley by loving Severus so fully. She was so frightened of what could have been- so scared that, had Kingsley lived, she would have betrayed him for Severus. And Remus had soothed her and held her and asked her if Kingsley would want her to be happy. Was that what he had to ask for now? Sirius' blessing? But he already had it, he knew. He loved Sirius with half of his strength. The other half went towards Vinnie. His family. That was who he loved more than anything, and though Sirius' body may have been stolen from them, his presence remained. Remus would never be alone.

_Goodbye my lover,_

_Goodbye my friend,_

_You have been the one,_

_You have been the one for me._

What was Sirius thinking now? Was he crying too? Did it hurt his chest as well? Was he happy? Remus pleaded with some unknown power with all his might. He pleaded and begged with his God to let Sirius be happy- and to let Sirius know that Remus would be happy too. Someday.

_And as you move on, remember me,  
Remember us and all we used to be._

His ears tuned into Albus' words as the love in the room held him tight. "Some here knew Sirius like they know themselves… some knew him for an unfairly short amount of time… but I speak truth when I say that each of you knew something that no one else does. Sirius will rest in our hearts and in our minds through what he means to us as individuals and the memories we have of him…" Remus shut his eyes again and remembered his and Sirius' first kiss. So tender and unsure… a kiss full of questions and answers and fear and bravery…

_I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.  
I've watched you sleeping for a while.  
I'd be the father of your child.  
I'd spend a lifetime with you._

"and so as this service comes to a close, I'd like you all to bow your heads for Sirius Black; a brave man, a loyal friend, a loving partner, and a devoted Father. Let Death not destroy, but let it renew. Amen."

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me._

_And I still hold your hand in mine._  
_In mine when I'm asleep._  
_And I will bare my soul in time,_  
_When I'm kneeling at your feet._

_Goodbye my lover.  
Goodbye my friend.  
You have been the one.  
You have been the one for me._


	135. Chapter 134

**A/N: heloooo to all the new readers! I am honoured that you've read this far and still want to read more! Terribly sorry about my random updating times, life's pretty hectic right now- i'll try to reply to your amazing reviews asap! and if you leave an anonymous one and would like a reply, leave an email address too. Anyways- on with the show an all that... **

"Remus will be better now…" Serena said quietly, sipping at the mug of hot chocolate Maisie had made for her. "It gives him closure… I suppose."

"Mm," Severus sighed, reclining in his usual chair and crossing his legs.

They were sitting in the living room at Spinner's End. It was the evening after the memorial and after dropping Remus at Grimmauld Place, Severus had pulled Serena through the floo, ordered her into comfortable clothes and insisted they had a quiet night in together.

"I just… I remember after Kinglsey's funeral I felt so much lighter…" Serena frowned and carried on in a low murmur, as though talking to herself. "It's like an acceptance really, I suppose-"

"Serena," growled Severus suddenly, putting his drink down and glaring at her. "I've barely seen you for the past week and now I do get you in my own house all you can talk about is-"

"I'm sorry," she blurted suddenly, her cheeks blushing pink as she looked at the floor, looking ashamed. "I just- it brings back memories, you know? And I'm sorry to drag it up when I know it makes you feel uncomfortable. I'll stop, I really will, I just want to have a nice night in with you, you're right, I'm sorry…"

Severus rolled his eyes and stood up, moving over to the sofa and sitting next to her. He gently pulled her onto his lap and tucked her head underneath his chin, with his arms wrapped around her slim waist. He kissed her temple and sighed.

"what am I to do with you?" he murmured, breathing in her smell deeply.

Serena melted into his chest, shutting her eyes and letting his body surround her, making her feel so safe and secure.

"I've missed you so much," she whispered.

"And I, you, little one. No more shall we be apart."

"Agreed," she murmured, yawning and shifting into a more comfortable position as Severus leant back into the couch.

Severus stroked her hair and thanked Merlin that he had her in his arms again. Black was the past, and now they could move on without any more disturbances.

Just as he reached that thought, the apparition wards alarmed.

Serena dropped to the floor as Severus leaped up and drew his wand in a heartbeat. She scrambled to her feet, cursing under her breath as Severus slipped over to the newly made peep hole, looking into the backyard.

"fuck," he hissed, whirling around quickly. He waved his wand and all Serena's possessions flew up the stairs into their bedroom. Serena heard the door lock upstairs and turned to Severus for an explanation.

"leave, now," he ordered. "go to headquarters, do not return until I say-"

"What? Why? Who is it?"

The door knocked again and Severus growled to himself. "It's Narcissa, now go-"

"It's not just Narcissa, if it were- if it- it's not… it's Bellatrix, isn't it?" Serena lunged for the peep hole, her youth acting on her side as Severus' reflexes acted too slow. She saw a flash of black springy hair and her stomach clenched.

Severus' hands grabbed her waist and he began to drag her into the living room, towards the fireplace.

"no!" she shouted, struggling against him, "let me get her! Let me kill her!"

There was a bang and Severus jumped back as his hands burnt. Serena stood with her wand facing him. "I can kill her-"

"you fucking will not, put your goddam wand down," he hissed, looking livid.

"you're not going to deny me this!"

"you think I'd even consider- SERENA NO!" Severus flicked his wand and sent a stunner at her as Serena made a run for the back door. It hit her squarely in the back and she fell face down onto the hard kitchen floor. Severus scrambled to pick her up in his arms, checking quickly that she was okay, just unconscious, before he opened the door to his potions lab and sat her against the steps. He locked and warded the door as well as he could before running for the back door. He opened it a fraction.

"yes?"

"Snape, let us in," Bellatrix hissed. Severus opened the door and allowed them into the kitchen.

"apologies," he said stiffly, glancing at Narcissa. "I was finishing off a potion."

"yes, well, are you just going to stand there or do I get a drink?" Bellatrix snapped, stepping into the living room and moving over to the fireplace to pick up a few of his dark art instruments.

Narcissa gave Severus a questioning look and he gave a small jerk of his head. Her eyes widened and she looked about the room and Severus flickered his eyes towards the door behind which Serena lay.

Cissy sat deliberately on the opposite side of the room, allowing Severus to stand guarding Serena and he was silently thankful. His heart was beating so heavily and his palms were so sweaty it took all his experience as a spy to put on his calm and collected façade.

"The Dark Lord asked us to drop by… just to check on you," Narcissa explained quietly, fingering her glass nervously.

Bellatrix sneered, "how's the werewolf?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Checking how much damage you made, Bella? Perhaps you can compare between Black and Shacklebolt? Who's next on your list?"

Bellatrix cackled a laugh and her eyes gleamed wildly. "You should try it Snape. You've got so many opportunities up at the school…"

"Is that so?" Severus replied, his blood running cold.

"yes, there's that girl-"

"really, Bella, must we talk about this?" Narcissa interrupted quickly as she saw Severus' knuckled whiten and his jaw clench. "let us leave Severus to his potions."

Bellatrix sniffed and shrugged, "as you wish, Cissy." She put her glass on the fireplace mantelpiece and straightened to her full height. "we'll be seeing you, Snape." She turned on the spot and apparated away.

Severus almost sagged with relief visibly and Cissy rushed to him, clutching at his arm. "Severus, are you okay? Is she here?"

He nodded stiffly and clenched his teeth. "go, she will grow suspicious- go!"

Narcissa sent him a pitying look before she disapparated away. Severus swore and threw his glass at the wall where it smashed and leaked the amber liquid over the wallpaper.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath, before unwarding the door to his laboratory and stepping into the narrow stairway where Serena was hidden. He crouched down next to her limp body and pressed his wand to her temple gently. "rennervate," he murmured.

Serena's face turned from confused to angry to upset and her face was wrought with pain as she whispered in a weak voice, "don't you want me to be happy?"

Severus snarled and grabbed her face roughly with one of his hands, pressing her back against the wall where she sat slumped. "don't you dare," he hissed, spitting into her face, and Serena felt his fierce anger burn from where he touched her. "don't you fucking dare, not another fucking word. Get to bed- go- now- bed!"

Serena's face burnt red and her eyes filled with tears as she pushed away from his hand and scrambled out of the room, her wand gripped tightly in her hand. Severus heard a sob and then her pounding footsteps on the stairs. He took several deep breaths and clenched and unclenched his fists for several minutes. When he had calmed down he descended into his lab and began making some burn paste for the Hogwarts Infirmary. The methodical process kept his mind occupied for half an hour, and when he finally cleared his work bench and cleaned the cauldron he'd used, his anger was at a low simmer.

He summoned his courage and moved quietly through the house, cleaning the mess on the wall on his way. He climbed the stairs silently and paused when he reached their bedroom. Serena was curled up in bed, with her back to him. He could not tell whether she was sleeping but when he called her name she did not reply. He wondered if she were faking it and sighed. "fucking mess," he muttered to himself, as he walked into the bathroom to dress for bed.

He swore he heard her breath hitch when he slipped into bed next to her but she did not move, and so he rolled on his own side and stared at the opposite wall until his eyes fell shut and sleep claimed him.

* * *

When he woke he knew something was different. The room was still dark and the street lamp outside was flickering and casting a shadow on the wall. He lay still and listened intently as he heard a small shuffle and a sniff and then a feather light touch on his stomach. His eyes flew open and his body tensed until he saw Serena, crouched over him, pressing her lips to his skin. His body relaxed, but she did not look up, she kept pressing kisses to his body, along his side and across his chest, pausing to nibble each nipple as she made her way to his neck. Her kisses turned more and more desperate and she nipped his skin as her breathing grew more irregular and Severus felt warm teardrops fall onto his chest.

He reached out a pale hand and gently touched her soft hair. She froze and then very slowly raised her face to his. She was crying silently, tears dripping off her chin and falling onto his chest. Her face was pleading and she took a few shallow breaths before speaking in a broken voice. "I'm sorry, please, please Severus, I'm so sorry, don't hate me, please-"

"hush," he whispered, sitting up and reaching for her slowly. "sit in my lap, come here, little one."

Serena nearly cried out from relief and she scrambled into his lap like a tiny animal, sitting between his legs and clinging to his body.

He soothed her and rocked her back and forth gently as he murmured in her ear softly, "It's okay, I'm not mad anymore… it's okay Serena, I'm here my love, I'm here…"

"I'm so- sorry-" she hiccupped, "I just, I'm trying, I am really trying b-but she- she killed them, Severus! She killed them and someone needs to k-kill her!"

"shh, little one, not you, one day someone will, but not you… you're too good… you're too pure to let yourself be ruined by her. You have to stay good for me, you're the light, I'm the dark, we're a balance… I won't let you turn dark too."

Severus wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead.

"you're light too," she protested quietly, "you're so good I can hardly grasp it- so much you sacrifice…"

"and so much _you've _sacrificed. Let me protect you from all the darkness, I don't want you to get hurt anymore."

Serena nibbled her lip and gave a timid nod. "I'm so sorry about what I said- I know you want me to be happy and I _am_, I am, you make me so happy. I love you, Severus, you know that yeah?"

"I know, little one, I know."

* * *

**Is it getting too soppy? Blurgh. i'll try not to be, i promise. **


	136. Chapter 135

**A/N: I'll reply to all your amazing reviews as soon as i have a minute i promise! Thanks so much for all your support, love you guys- - and so the darkness begins... **

Serena's breath came in lazy heavy gasps and she murmured words of love and encouragement against Severus' wet lips. He moved slowly over her, taking his time making love to her, wanting the moment to be precious and meaningful and trying to put all the emotions he felt into his actions. His lips found hers and his thrusts turned into a gentle rocking as their tongues met in soft caresses.

He knew her body so well now, he was attuned to every mewl or gasp she made. He knew how to give her lasting pleasure they could share together, or he knew how to make her come in minutes. He knew how to make her feel loved. He knew she liked his body pressing against hers because it made her feel safe and secure and surrounded. His voice could drop a tone lower and make her shiver in excitement, and if he drew circles with his tongue on the sensitive patch of skin beneath her ear she would moan in anticipation and wrap her legs around his waist, trying to press her wet heat against him. He could never tease her for long.

"please," she whispered in a low moan, "please, I need to come, I need to-"

"I'm nearly there," he breathed, "so close, so close…" Serena tightened her inner muscles around him and he groaned loudly and dropped his head against her shoulder, "now," he groaned, biting down on her shoulder, "come, now!"

They came together with gentle cries and low grunts and Severus collapsed down onto Serena, making sure he kept some of his weight on his elbows. They panted heavily, sweaty foreheads touching each other as they slowly regained their senses. Severus kissed Serena gently and rolled off her. She gave a contented sigh and then stretched slowly, spreading her limbs and arching off the bed like a cat. Severus pulled her into his arms and kissed her again. "gods woman, you're wonderful," he growled, nibbling her earlobe.

She stroked her hand through his short black hair and kissed his chest softly. "and hungry," she smiled, looking up into his hazy eyes. They were molten black this morning, swirling with love and desire and making her feel so wanted.

"I'll make us an omelette, and then we can carry on where we left off," he smirked, kissing her and then rolling out of bed, walking stark naked into their bathroom. She could hear him peeing from the other room and Serena bit her lip and pulled the duvet up to her face and giggled into it quietly, her face stretching into a full grin as she squealed with complete happiness. Luckily she had sobered a little by the time Severus emerged, as he did not agree with such girly foolishness. She tried not to look disappointed at the black joggers he was wearing, but he must have noticed because he gave a smirk and walked over to kiss her and brush her hair from her face. "I don't want to risk splashes from the frying pan."

She laughed and kissed him soundly before jumping out of bed and skipping into the bathroom naked. She looked back to see him staring at her appreciatively and she couldn't stop a giggle from escaping. He rolled his eyes, but when she turned her back, she caught him smiling in the reflection of the mirror and giggled again.

She brushed her teeth and washed her face and then slipped on his black shirt that was nice and oversized for her. She decided to slip on a black thong underneath, and then she hurried downstairs and into the kitchen, to wrap her arms tightly around her lover's waist.

"butter the toast, will you?"

She took the butter from the fridge and made to take the toast from the toaster when she caught Severus looking at her with lust filled eyes. "after breakfast," she smirked, "I'm hungry."

"are you wearing anything under that?" he murmured, looking her up and down with dark eyes.

She gave a nonchalant shrug, but as she turned around the butter fell to the floor. "shit," she said seriously, turning around to look at Severus and speaking in a fake voice. "it looks like I'm going to have to bend over and pick it up." She bit her lip to keep from laughing, and as she bent over she heard Severus' intake of breath.

She turned to face him, trying to look innocent but gave a smirk as she saw him swallow and take a deep breath. "everything okay?"

He nodded and she took the toast out and began buttering it. She had just finished when she felt lips at her throat and Severus sucked her skin gently. "minx," he growled against her ear, before sucking at her again. She leant back against his chest and tilted her neck to give him better access, lifting a hand to loop around his neck lazily as her eyes dropped shut.

When Severus' hand wandered down and under the shirt she had to stop him. "eat, and then sex," she insisted, pushing him gently away and waving the toast onto separate plates. He levitated their omelettes onto the plates too and took hers over to the table. She sat opposite him and made sure their legs touched under the table. They ate in comfortable silence, although they rarely looked away from the others' eyes, and Serena's blush was prominent from the intensity of Severus' gaze.

When they had finished he made some coffee took her hand over the table, entwining their fingers together. "you look beautiful," he murmured in a deep voice, stroking her hand with his thumb.

She smiled and looked down to their hands and up to his face again. "and you look unbelievably sexy."

He smirked and then frowned, standing up suddenly and walking over to the small collection of galleons in a jar on the counter. "my Order galleon is glowing orange," he said suddenly, taking it straight from the jar and frowning. "it's from Remus; he wants to know where you are."

Serena drew her wand and summoned her own coin from upstairs. She caught it deftly and glanced down at it, her brow furrowing. "he wants me to go over their immediately. shit, I hope everything's okay- accio shorts!"

She pulled on her shorts and slipped some sandals on, as Severus swept upstairs to change. He must have used a spell because he was less than thirty seconds, yet returned dressed in his normal black robes, cravat and all.

He drew his wand and stepped into the floo first. When he emerged into Grimmauld Place, Remus was holding Vinnie on his hip, and reading a letter of some kind, his expression distraught. Minerva, Samuel and his boy, Molly and Tonks were all there, looking helpless.

"what's going on?" he said as Serena appeared behind him. She ran over to Remus and spoke to him quietly. He shook his head at what she'd said and looked between her and Severus. "they want to take Vinnie from me."

"what?" Serena exclaimed.

"It's ridiculous, that's what it is!" Molly cried. "and prejudiced!"

"they said that the circumstances of the adoption have changed and they need to check I'm still fit to take care of Lavinia on my own. There's no way they'll let me keep her! I'm a half-blood werewolf in the Order of the Phoenix! They can't inspect the house because it's headquarters for the secret organisation, and I have no job, no income, no family! The only thing I have left is her, and they want to take her from me!"

Remus choked on a sob and had to take a shaky breath to steady himself. Lavinia gurgled against his chest and grabbed at the buttons on his cardigan with her chubby fists.

"Remus is right," Severus said to the room, holding up the letter that Remus had been sent. "they want to take the baby from him."

"well we can't let that happen!" Serena cried. "we won't!"

"we'll fight!" Tonks agreed fiercely.

"indeed," Severus sneered. "come Remus, we're going to the Ministry to sort this ridiculous mess out. leave the baby." With that, Severus strode out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

Remus stared after him blankly and Serena shrugged, "go with him, he'll help you."

"but-"

"He will help, Remus, he won't let them do this. leave Vinnie with us."

Remus gulped and nodded, handing her over to Serena and grabbing his jacket before running after Severus.

Serena put Lavinia in her rocking chair and strapped her in, before she collapsed into a chair of her own and rested her head on the kitchen table. "God what if he gets arrested?" she sighed unhappily.

"Severus? Albus will bail him out," Samuel replied, sitting next to her.

"Albus is away, he left straight after the service yesterday."

"where to?"

"no idea," she replied honestly.

"Serena?" Tonks called. "Is that- is that Snape's shirt you're wearing?"

"fuck," she muttered, standing up, "let me go and change…"

Samuel smirked at her knowingly and she gave him a playful shove as she walked past and stepped into the floo. She quickly changed into her own clothes, wishing she had time for a shower but having to make do with a simple cleansing charm and some muggle body spray. She combed her hair and clipped it back away from her face and added a touch of her usual make up before stepping back to Grimmauld Place. They had still not returned, and so she made her and Max some waffles for breakfast, spreading chocolate spread over them just how he liked it.

"and- and Daddy said that the match lasted seven days!"

"wow, Max, seven! That sounds like a great game!"

"uh-huh, Daddy said it's the best- that's why he has the poster of Gwenog Jones!"

Serena nearly choked on her tea, and Samuel shot her a furtive look.

"I bet that's not the only reason, Max," Serena said, looking at Samuel with a grin on her face.

They waited for another ten minutes until Remus walked in with a grin on his sweaty face.

"where's Severus? why isn't he with you?" Serena asked before anyone else could speak.

"He's gone to see someone in the Minister's department," Remus explained. "Gods Serena, you should have seen him! I thought he was going to get arrested or something but he just walked out as though nothing had happened!"

Serena groaned and banged her head on the table. "what did he do?"

"He stormed into the wizarding affairs office, grabbed the woman and man responsible for sending the letter and cornered them in a room and kept growling about how ridiculous it was and prejudice and then he cast the Imperius curse on them-"

"he WHAT?" Serena shrieked, jumping up."

"He just did it! And then ordered them to sign the papers agreeing to my custody and he made sure they wouldn't have to check up on me or anything and then he obliviated them and swept out again!"

"wait, he used an Imperius?" Samuel interrupted. "but they have automatic detection systems in the ministry- any wand that casts as unforgivable is immediately traced-"

"not Severus," Serena countered, almost proudly. "He's acting as a death eater- the dark lord has cloaked the detections, they're free to use whatever illegal spells they wish. Hmm, he's probably gone to see Lucius…"

"Malfoy?" Molly asked with a look of distaste.

Serena nodded but at that moment, the kitchen door opened and Severus himself entered.

"what the hell were you thinking?" Serena cried, rushing over to him. She clutched his hand and ignored his glare as she stood on tiptoes and murmured in his ear; "you stupid, brave, heroic man." His scowl softened and he let her kiss him on the lips tenderly. He entwined their fingers together and shrugged.

"they won't bother Remus anymore." His eyes lingered on Lavinia, who was gurgling at him from her cot. She reached out and made the usual grabbing action towards his nose and he sneered, yet his eyes were soft.

Molly Weasley followed the direction of his gaze and smiled widely. "Don't worry Severus; I'm sure Serena will give you one of your own very soon!"

Both Severus and Serena froze instantly and Severus' hand slipped from her grasp. Molly carried on chattering away to the room, not noticing that she may have just ruined a marriage, but Serena felt as though she'd been drenched in cold water.

Severus stepped away from her mechanically and moved towards the kitchen, but he froze again suddenly and seemed to touch his trouser pocket.

"I must leave," he said abruptly. He strode over to the fireplace and had grabbed a handful of floo powder when he looked back and saw Serena staring at him, looking absolutely heart broken.

"Serena," he barked. "With me. Now."


	137. Chapter 136

**A/N: In response to SnapeBella415 and incase any one was wondering, we're currently set at the end of book 5 / beginning of book 6, as i'm sure you'll see from this chapter! And the story will be running up to the end of Book 6, plus an epilogue some time in the future after that. Enjoy- **

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The moment they arrived at Spinner's End, Severus began waving his wand furiously around the room.

Serena tried desperately to calm him. "Severus, I'm sure she didn't mean anything- I think- it's just a- a figure of speech- maybe-"

Severus spun around looking thoroughly confused. "what?" he muttered and then shook his head. "Albus is injured, I need to leave." As he spoke, his medical bags flew up from the lab and landed lightly at his feet. "You must come."

"Wait, what? How do you know?"

Severus pulled a single golden red feather from his pocket and there was a sudden flash of fire as Fawkes appeared.

"Hand- now!" Severus shouted, holding his own out for her. She grabbed hold of it and with a sickening twist like apparition they stumbled onto cool grass. Serena took longer to recover than Severus and she only scrambled over to him when he shouted urgently.

"get his other arm," he ordered. Serena's heart clenched when she realised the heap of lilac robes Severus was supporting was actually Albus. He was stooped over, almost unconscious and the whole right side of his body was singed an angry black, as though the skin was burnt and had shrivelled in on itself in a last hope of survival.

As adrenaline kicked in and Serena rushed forward to support the old man, she heard a sound that would haunt her for the rest of her life; Albus was begging.

"please…" he moaned. "please… end it now, it's what they want… they didn't come back, they want me to die… please… don't hurt them… no, hurt me instead, please…"

Severus was already dragging the man towards the castle and Serena cast a lightening charm on him with a shaky hand, reducing his weight to about three stone. She helped pull him along and tried to talk to him, to comfort him.

"it's okay, Albus, we're here, it's Severus and Serena, okay? We're going to make you better…"

Severus began casting complex charms over Albus, uttering incantations in Latin and languages she did not even recognise. Amidst his constant flow of words, she caught the occasional profanity and hissed insult-

"Arreta Momelius Magicka- fucking hell you stupid man! Priori Evillus- fuck you're a dunderhead!"

Severus suddenly turned his wand on Serena and cast a long charm upon her, before doing the same to himself.

"protection," he muttered in explanation.

They were both panting when they reached the doors of the castle and still Severus did not stop his wand movements. By his words, the bags containing all of his potions flew ahead to Albus' office and he quickened their pace as Albus began to slide into unconsciousness.

"Serena, when we get to his office I need you to throw out all the silver instruments in the room, he's infected with Dark Magic, they'll react badly against it and probably try to kill him. Then I need you to strip down the top of his robes, be careful not to touch his wand hand, you understand me?"

"Yeah, yeah- I- is he gonna be okay, Severus?" she asked in a small voice.

Severus had the grace to look at her when he replied in a grim voice. "I don't know."

As he predicted, when they entered Albus' office, the instruments on the table began to hiss and whirl. One, with spindly long legs launched itself from the table towards them, but Serena blasted it with her wand in a heartbeat. They settled Albus into his chair and then she used a charm to send the other instruments flying from the room, and locked the door behind them.

She span around to see Severus setting up a tiny cauldron made of what looked like pure gold on Albus' desk. He stripped off his own cloak quickly and rolled up his shirt sleeves and Serena rushed to remove Albus' robes too. She felt wrong stripping away his majestic lilac robes, but she pushed past that and focussed on trying to stop her hands from shaking so much. She had to use a charm to cut his sleeves off so as not to touch his hand as Severus ordered. It was then that her eyes lingered on the ring on his middle finger. It was clumsy looking, with a large black stone embedded within, with a crack running down the middle.

Severus made a sound behind her and she jumped, pushing the rest of Albus' robes down around his waist and trying to ignore the blackness spreading across his wrinkled chest, contrasting starkly with the white of his beard.

Severus was muttering to himself as he poured over the cauldron and added different measurements of various powdered metals and herbs. He was sweating profusely and his white shirt was sticking to his back. Serena cast a cooling charm on his face and he gave a grateful nod in her direction- it would not do for a bead of sweat to drop and ruin his antidote.

"His blood, Serena, I need his blood, there should be a silver dagger in the black bag's pocket- yes- good- and a vial, now you must use your left hand to take it!"

"from where?" Serena asked in a frightened voice, clenching the dagger in her clammy hand.

"The arm that isn't cursed- the inside elbow- left hand remember- the hand of weakness!"

She took a deep breath before nodding and moving over to Albus. She was glad he was unconscious and did not move when she sliced his arm with the sharp blade. She filled the vial with his blood and took it to Severus.

"can I heal his arm?"

"yes, yes," he muttered distractedly, before adding the blood one drop at a time to the white liquid within the cauldron.

"can I do anything else?"

He shook his head, his brow furrowed in concentration as he waved his wand in circles over the solution.

Serena collapsed into a chair and wiped her sweaty hands on her shorts. There was a movement beside her chair and Fawkes landed on the arm, looking at her with large mournful eyes. She stroked his head with a trembling finger and then paused. Fawkes was crying. Her own eyes welled and she swallowed the lump in her throat. "Don't worry Fawkes," she whispered. "He's doing his best. Albus won't go without a fight…"

She bit her lip and looked over at Severus who was hunched over an old book he'd pulled from his bag. He read something and then muttered another enchantment over the cauldron. The liquid turned golden and it began to emit thick black smoke in tight clockwise circles. Severus looked relieved and took the cauldron off the heat and poured the contents into a copper cup.

"It's ready, tilt his head back."

Serena jumped up and did as he said, holding Albus' mouth open gently, and stroking his hair back from his face.

Severus murmured an incantation and tipped the liquid down Albus' throat, massaging his neck and making him swallow. When the last drop was gone he made Serena step back. She went to comfort Fawkes and kept her eyes on Albus, waiting for any sign of movement. The rise and fall of his chest slowed and suddenly Serena's heart clenched.

"He's not breathing- he's not breathing, Severus-"

"I know, I know," he hissed, holding her back. "it's okay, let it work, let it work…"

Serena clutched Severus' sleeve and they waited together with held breath. The darkness on Albus' skin slowly began to recede, revealing the normal tone of his skin underneath. It soon left his chest and then his shoulder and moved down to his arm, where it rested in his hand. Severus murmured another spell and the cracked ring Albus was wearing levitated from him and was set down on the desk. Albus twitched and spluttered suddenly, taking deep gasping breaths before slowly opening his eyes. Severus waved his hand and the half moon glasses settled upon their owner's nose.

Albus reached out a shaking hand towards him. "M- my boy, you did well…"

"well?" Serena cried, adrenaline pounding through her veins. "he saved your goddam life, Albus! What the hell were you doing! You could have died you foolish man! you can't just do this anymore, we've just lost Sirius, I love you too much - I can't see you hurt as well!"

Albus blinked his watery eyes and inclined his head weakly. "I am sorry, dear Serena… I love you as well, child, more than you shall ever understand…"

Serena sniffed and walked over to crouch beside him. She squeezed his good hand gently before standing and pulling Severus into a quick hug. "thank you for saving him," she said quietly. She pulled away before he had a chance to respond, or even hug her back, but he eventually shook his head and turned back to Albus. "The healing process is not yet over. The curse is contained in your hand-"

"I thought you'd cured it?" Serena interrupted.

"No," Severus said shortly. "Serena, you need to leave, I must speak with Albus."

"but-"

"go!" he snapped, his eyes flashing dangerously. "I do not need you here!"

Serena looked hurt but she swallowed and nodded bravely. "I'll see you soon Albus," she murmured, touching his shoulder lightly.

Albus had a strange look upon his face, but he nodded. Fawkes gave a soft cry and stretched out his magnificent wings and flying over to perch on the back of Albus' chair.

"He will take you," Albus said quietly.

Serena gave the bird a thankful smile and reached out to touch the very tip of Fawkes' wing. She felt the jerk behind her and in a flash of fire she was standing in the Spinner's End living room. She looked around the empty house and sighed.


	138. Chapter 137

**A/N: Disclaimer: Some of this chapter is taken from the book and sort of moved around and edited a bit with a few extra swear words haha. think you'll all like this one, and seeing as it's like my third big chapter in six days i think you should write me a review or i'll turn Severus gay with Dumbledore -.- muuuhahahahahahaahahahaha**

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Severus turned to Albus with a haunted look on his face.

"you're dying," he said quietly and without emotion.

Albus inclined his head and gave a grim smile. "Most definitely. How long do you think I have?"

Severus sighed and wiped a sweaty hand down his face. "It is difficult to say. Maybe a year… it's the sort of curse that strengthens over times."

Strangely, Albus smiled at this and inclined his head towards Severus. "I am fortunate, extremely fortunate, that I have you Severus."

"If you had only called me a little sooner I might have been able to do more!"

Through the corner of his eye he caught sight of the broken ring, and the glint of the sword Albus had pulled from his charmed pocket, lying on the desk behind it. "Why? Why did you put on the goddam ring?"

"I was a fool," Albus murmured, looking into the distance unseeingly. "sorely tempted…"

"Tempted by what?" When Albus didn't reply, Severus growled and raised his hands in exasperation. "Did you think that breaking the ring would break the curse? For fucks sake Albus, were you really that stupid?"

"I was delirious… no doubt…" Albus suddenly straightened up and gave him a smile. "well this makes matters much more straightforward.

Severus frowned and sat down heavily on the chair opposite him. "meaning?"

"I refer to the plan Lord Voldemort is revolving around me. His plan to have the poor Malfoy boy murder me."

Severus rubbed his left forearm absentmindedly, whilst looking back to the ring and opening his mouth to talk. Albus raised a hand to silence him and he rolled his eyes and reluctantly moved onto Albus' topic of conversation. "The Dark Lord does not expect Draco to succeed. He is merely punishing Lucius for the screw up at the Ministry."

"In short, the boy has a death sentence placed upon him as surely as I have. Now, I assume his successor will be yourself?"

Severus paused and looked away. "That, I think is the Dark Lord's plan. Obviously I won't be-"

"He foresees a time when the school will be in his grasp?" Albus interrupted.

Severus gave a curt nod.

"I have your word then, that if it does, you will do all in your power to protect the students of Hogwarts?"

Severus gritted his teeth and gave a stiff nod. This was just another binding promise that Albus had thrown upon him.

"good, now then, firstly we need to help Draco- offer him advice, he likes you-"

"- much less since his Father lost favour."

"Well, ultimately, of course, there is only one thing to be done to save him from Lord Voldemort's wrath."

Severus raised his eyebrows and sneered. "Are you intending to let him kill you?"

"Certainly not. _You_ must kill me."

Severus was silent. His mind was spinning and his heart was clenching and he had to remind himself to breathe. Somehow he'd known this would be Albus' solution.

"Would you like me to do it now?" He said eventually in an ironic tone. "Or would you like a few moments to compose an epitaph?"

He felt as though he was someone else, out of his body, looking down on this familiar man as he was forced to make one of the hardest decisions of his life. He knew he had no choice. Albus had written his plan and was only interested in following it through. Severus was a casualty of the greater good; a pawn. It was that simple… so why did it feel as though his heart was being ripped in two?

Dumbledore gave that unbearable smile again. "Oh not quite yet," he said, sounding genuinely amused. "Although given what has occurred tonight, we can be sure it will happen within a year."

"if you don't mind dying," Severus said roughly, "why not let Draco do it?"

"That boy's soul is not yet so damaged, I would not have it ripped apart on my account."

"And my soul, Dumbledore? Mine?"

"You alone know whether it will harm your soul to help an old man avoid pain and humiliation."

"And what about Serena's soul?" Severus almost whispered. "What about her soul when she finds out, not only that the man she sees as a Father is dead, but that HER OWN HUSBAND KILLED HIM!"

Albus did not even flinch at Severus' sudden rage; he merely watched as the man flung himself out of his chair and swept to look out of the window onto the dark grass below.

A long silence stretched out beneath them, broken only by the sound of Fawkes gnawing on an old chicken wing.

"I will do it," Severus said eventually, in a rough gravelly voice. "On one condition… Serena will know nothing about our arrangement, and she is not to know that you are dying. I will tell her when the time is right. She has just lost another close friend; she will not lose you this week as well."

Severus slowly turned to face Albus, and his face looked gaunt and pale. His dark eyes stuck out vividly against his white face and his lips were thin and unhappy.

"I agree with your conditions, Severus… you agree to end my suffering, when the time is right?"

Severus gave a curt nod.

"Thank you, Severus…"

When Severus arrived through the floo network at Spinner's End, Serena rushed to meet him.

"don't," he said quickly, holding up his hands and stepping back from her embrace. "I'm contaminated- the ring- I need to clean myself up, I'll be back soon."

He turned away from her and moved down into his potions laboratory, trying not to remember the flash of hurt that crossed her face, and then the brave smile she tried to give him. He was breaking her heart with all these tiny gestures, yet he knew it was for her own good, for what would happen if she knew he must slaughter Albus? She would surely loathe him.

Severus threw off his robe and sat down on the cold stone steps, and buried his face in his shaking hands.

His life was a fucking mess. Just when he thought, just when he was actually starting to hope that maybe, just maybe, he had a chance of getting out of this war alive, and not only alive but with a beautiful wife, and possibly, a child, by his side… Albus had ruined it. There was no hope for him now. If he succeeded, he would be hated by the side of the light, and by anyone who he had ever considered a friend… Remus… Minerva… and if he succeeded and somehow, the truth about his loyalty was revealed, the dark side would no doubt hunt him down and kill everyone close to him, before brutally ending his life.

There were two things in this world that Severus did not think he could live without: Albus, and Serena.

Albus- the man who had guided him, encouraged him, made him see the way things truly are. Who had helped him when he was most desperate, who had taken him on and given him a second chance even when he deserved nothing but death. And here he was, asking another service of him, the biggest promise Severus had made in his life… a promise to kill. To kill his Father, and not only his, but Serena's…

And there was Serena of course; he could barely understand how he had been so blessed, to have spent those short years with her. She was perfect in every way, so brilliantly compatible with him it was surely fate. She was his world, his love his everything. She grounded him, kept him sane, kept him human, made him _feel_ again, and kept him alive. He could feel his own heart pounding in his chest and knew he owed it all to her. He loved her more than he ever thought was possible, and he was unsure if he could actually survive this time without her.

Was this really his turning point? Had it really crept upon him so suddenly, because of an old man's foolish decisions? And now Severus was going to lose the one person he loved most in the world. His life with her was being torn apart and destroyed. It was over. And not only was he going to lose her; he was going to hurt her in the process.

He scrunched his eyes up tightly and balled his fists. He was so angry with himself and so horrified at the thought of facing the future. How many time had he promise Serena he would protect her? That he would never let her come to any harm again? And now here he was- preparing to tear her heart in two and destroy her trust in people, love, and life: forever.

If this was all over and he somehow- miraculously- survived, could she ever forgive him? Could anyone?

No. The damage he would cause would be irreversible.

He will be cast out. He will be abandoned. He will be alone.

And he will be hurting so badly.

Severus' eyes stung and he blinked his pathetic tears way, clenching his trembling jaw and trying not to let his moan of pain and fear escape.

He did not succeed.

He moaned again, louder this time, and knotted his hands in his hair, pulling on it almost painfully as he rocked backwards and forwards trying desperately to comfort himself. His whole body shook with pain when he thought about the death of Albus, but when he though about losing Serena, the pain was too great.

His chest constricted, his head spun and he fell apart.

Half an hour later and he was curled up in the foetal position on the stone floor of his lab, trying to contain his sobs. He was pathetic. He sniffed and wiped the grime from his face with his sleeve, before slowly rolling over so he could sit up.

There was no way to avoid hurting Serena. He would ease her in slowly though, small gestures and words at first, he would distance himself from her completely, immerse himself into his work, and perhaps point her in the direction of someone else… Samuel, perhaps, yes how fitting… her dead lover's brother, perhaps they would realise their link and the comfort they could find in each other, and be happy. Severus would make her want to leave- it would be her decision. Severus only hoped he would be strong enough to bear it when she eventually did.

When he was able, some fifty minutes later, Severus stumbled into a standing position. He staggered over to the foe glass on the wall and looked at his ghostly reflection. He was a mess. His eyes were red and rimmed; he could clearly see the white of his old scar on his left cheek as his face was pale and sallow, holding the unhealthy looking tinge he had worn in the tough years before he had met his love…

Severus shook his head of those thoughts and returned to inspecting his face. He cast a few freshening charms and a glamour around his eyes and across his scar and then he straightened his clothes. He took a few deep breaths before slowly climbing the stairs to the living room.

When he pushed open the door he found Serena sitting in the dark on the sofa. She was nursing a glass of Firewhiskey and the bottle sat next to her on the table. She didn't have a bad idea. Severus silently filled his own glass and sat down in his usual chair, gazing at her face that was cast half in shadow.

Her hair was wild and untamed and her brown eyes were puffy and irritated. She was nibbling her bottom lip in a way that indicated her stress and worry, and her jaw kept twitching involuntarily.

She was so fucking beautiful.

How could he accept that he was not going to be able to gaze upon this sight for much longer? That one day he would wake up and she would be gone… she would be in another man's bed…

"The curse Albus is infected with is serious," he said eventually, his voice sounded hoarse, as though he'd been screaming… perhaps he had.

"I came to that conclusion myself," she said quietly.

"There is always a cure; I won't stop until I find it." He hated this! He was lying through his teeth and he was so accomplished she did not even realise. The look she gave him was one of such pride it made his stomach sick.

"I know you will do your best for him. Is there any way I can assist you Severus?"

"No," he said bluntly, "just stay out of the lab and if I am down there do not disturb me unless it is an absolute emergency, understand?"

She looked slightly taken aback by his harsh tone but she swallowed and gave a small nod. There was a stretch of silence where she gazed into her glass and Severus stared at her, drinking in her features hungrily as though he were a dying man. Although he was right, he mused inside his head. The Severus Snape she knew and loved would die here tonight.

"Go to bed," he said eventually. "I will finish off downstairs and join you shortly."

She looked a little put out, but gave a small nod and stood up. She made a small jerk, as though she was going to come towards him, but she saw something on his face and quickly retreated, her own face burning with something that resembled humiliation… and fear.

He pushed his own emotions to the back of his mind and pressed his fingers into the corner of his eyes as the headache that had been building started to reach its peak. He took the bottle of Firewhiskey she'd left and poured himself another measure, sitting down with it.

This was to be the most difficult thing he'd done, or ever would do, in his life. He shut his eyes and let his mind tune into the wards of the house. Serena was in the bedroom, he guessed she was already in bed, but he'd have to wait a while longer to be sure she'd fallen asleep. He did not want to have to hold her in bed. He did not want to comfort her, to whisper words of love and reassurance into her ear as her hair tickled his bare chest and her bum pressed into his groin perfectly. He did not want these things. He sat and stared at the empty fireplace, pouring himself another drink, whilst trying to convince himself that these thoughts were true…


	139. Chapter 138

**A/N: i'm so sorry for the long delay- my computer broke last week and they've said it's going to take a week to fix, so i'm on the laptop at the mo and my dongle and signal strength is abysmal. Hope this is worth the wait, and thanks so much for your amazing reviws, i don't think i'll turn severus gay after all ! **

"Maisie."

The elf appeared in front of him with a faint crack and she bowed low, her little ears drooping when she straightened up to see his face.

"Is Master Severus ill, sir?"

Severus was taken aback and it took a moment for him to answer.

"er, no Maisie. Albus Dumbledore is ill." He ignored the continuing droop of her ears and spoke on, "I shall be spending the next few weeks devising a cure for him in my lab. These circumstances will require extra work from you, is that acceptable?"

"Oh yes Master Severus Sir!" the elf cried happily. "Maisie is most pleased to do more work for Master Severus Sir!"

"good. Now this is what your new duties will include. I will be in my lab or out for most of the day. If I require a meal I will call you and you will leave it on the steps of the lab. I need you to cook meals for Serena in the evening- make it healthy and nutritious; however is there is anything she requests you must make it for her immediately to the best of your ability. There may be times when I require you to place certain potions in her meals, for example, vitamins, sleeping potions or general health solutions, as she will be stressed and worried due to Albus' condition. You are not under any circumstances allowed to tell her this, understand?"

"Yes Master Severus Sir."

"Good, you are dismissed."

When the elf had gone, Severus collapsed back into the sofa and poured himself another drink. His life was so fucked up. Had this really all happened because of a decision he'd made as a young man? Or perhaps because of one decision made by a talking hat?

He raised his hand and summoned one of the dark books from a shelf, one that he had warned Serena never to touch. It contained information about cursed objects, and had once been cursed itself until Severus had cornered it and broken the magical binds that haunted its pages.

He found a harmless paragraph and left it open on the coffee table, putting up a warning ward around it, just in case Serena tried to touch it. At least she would think he'd actually been doing some research this evening, instead of sitting around drinking and plotting the destruction of their marriage.

He looked down at the silver ring on his finger and gently pressed it to his lips. He shut his eyes and sighed- it was time for bed. He put the bottle back in the kitchen and cast a silencing charm on his footsteps before walking slowly up the stairs. He peeked into their bedroom first and saw Serena, lying with her back to him, curled up in a ball on their bed. He moved cautiously into the bathroom and changed into black pyjama pants before looking back out. From this angle he could just see the shadow of her face in the mirror.

She was crying.

He clenched his fists and bit his tongue as he watched her shaking silently. His heart ached when he saw her in pain, and he wanted nothing more than to go and put his arms around her and tell her it was going to be okay.

He pushed that thought to the back of his mind, locked away in one of his forbidden boxes, and then he walked into the other room, pulled back the covers and slipped into bed beside her. He stared up at the ceiling and tried not to think about the gap between them or the way she kept herself facing away from him, her feelings disguised by sleep. He pressed his lips together tightly and listened hard for her quiet shallow breaths. It was going to be a long night.

* * *

Serena woke up feeling sick and groggy the next morning in an empty bed. Her heart sank and she sat up slowly, the feelings of fear and misery returning. She felt the bed next to her- it was stone cold. What the hell was going on with Severus? Was it stress? Was it because he knew she would be relying on him to save Albus? But surely he would still be able to talk to her about things?

The look he'd given her last night… Serena shut her eyes and thought about how much she'd just wanted to hold him and be held by him, but he looked as though he was physically repulsed by the idea. And when he'd come up to bed… had he known? Had he seen or even heard her tears? He never missed a thing, he knew her feelings better than she did, and yet… if he knew, why would he not comfort her? Hold her and be like the husband she needed and let her be the wife she should be?

She heard movement from below and she quickly threw on one of his shirts and tiptoed downstairs. Severus was in the kitchen, buttering some toast. He spun around when she entered and gave her a curt nod, before biting into his breakfast.

Serena stood nervously against the kitchen table and watched him cautiously. "sleep well?" she asked timidly.

Severus shrugged. "just normal."

She nodded and glanced around the kitchen uncomfortably. The tension in the room was so obvious and she felt as though she was invading his space. She needed to find out if he was okay. His eyes looked dark and uninviting and he'd obviously not slept much at all.

"Severus-"

"I'll be in the lab," he said curtly, cutting across her, he put his half eaten toast on the work top and walked out into the living room. She heard the door to the lab slam and she sunk down into a chair shakily.

Severus was obviously taking Albus' injury very seriously. Was it worse than she'd assumed? Severus seemed confident that he could find a cure- but perhaps that was the problem- that they would rely on him too much. She should do her best to help.

She decided to skip breakfast and went into the living to look at the book Severus had been reading the night before. It was labelled _Curses for the Cursèd_, followed by a subtitle in a language she did not recognise. She tried a translation spell but nothing happened. As she reached out to touch the book her hand felt as though it had stopped at a glass wall. She tried again but she could not get within a foot's distance. She frowned and then mentally kicked herself, realising Severus must have set a ward and this was one of the dangerous books he had warned her about. She flicked her eyes along their bookshelves and spotted a small gap on the top shelf of one of them. It was on the bookshelf she had promised Severus never to tamper with, that contained all of his material on the Dark Arts. She had read the titles on the spines before, and Severus had explained they were arranged according to the amount of darkness they contained. The one in the top left corner was bound with thick chains and held over seventeen different wards of Severus' creation.

She sighed and ran a hand through her messy hair and then scrunched the neck of the shirt she was wearing and lifting it to her face. It smelt of spices and sweat and Severus and all she wanted to do was to smell the real thing… to hold him in her arms and tell him it was going to be okay…

She cast her worry away and shook her head. She was being ridiculous. Since when had she become so dependant on another? She had gone her whole damn life without needing anyone, so why did being alone suddenly terrify her?

She shook her head again- now she was being selfish. Severus was working his arse off downstairs and here she was worrying about a hug she had not received.

"pull yourself together, Serena," she muttered to herself. She ran upstairs for a shower and got dressed properly, before hurrying back to start her own research. She was not stupid enough to touch the book on the coffee table, but she slipped around the back of the sofa to read the spines of the other dark books. She chose one near the bottom- that was not too dangerous, and carefully pulled it from the shelf. She felt a strange magic tingling up her arm, but it faded as quickly as it had come. She knew enough about dark magic to recognise its intent- it was checking her blood status- and obviously had no disagreements.

She summoned a notebook and quill from a drawer and sat down on the sofa to take notes.

At two in the afternoon, the door to the lab opened and Severus emerged, his hair sticking to his head with sweat and his eyes looking red and tired.

She gave him a small smile but he frowned when he saw what she was doing.

"Is that one of my books?"

"Yeah, but-"

"I thought I had told you not to touch my dark books?" he continued in a dangerous voice.

"Severus, I took a weak one, I'm only making notes, trying to help you-"

"So you think I can't do this on my own? For God's sake Serena, do I have to baby-sit you on top of everything else? I'm trying to do a billion things at once and here you are like a kid playing doctor with her dad's books- for fuck's sake. What are you expecting to gain from this stupid research? You think you'll suddenly solve Albus' problem? You think I don't know what's written in every single on of my goddam books- because I do and none of it will help Albus! Stop playing fantasy and go and do something goddam useful- take Remus his wolfsbane."

Severus slammed the bottle down in the table and swung backwards towards his lab.

"Severus-"

He slammed the door shut behind him and Serena leapt up and wrenched it open again, glaring at his retreating back, but he had stepped through the second door at the bottom and had locked and warded it behind him before she had found the courage to speak out,

Instead, she retreated slowly, willing herself not to cry. She picked up the bottle for Remus but was stopped on her way to the fireplace by the appearance of Maisie. She was wearing a new purple tea cosy and had her arms folded, blocking her way to the fire with a cross expression on her face.

"Master Severus Sir says Mistress must eat twice a day with meals and Maisie hasn't seen Mistress eat today!" the little elf squeaked in an indignant tone. "Maisie has put three meals in the fridge for Mistress to choose and Mistress ignores them! Mistress going to get Maisie into trouble you is!"

Serena eyed the little elf with exasperation. "Maisie, I am sorry, I did not realise you had made food for me, I'll eat it when I get back, I promise… oh and you can tell Severus I can look after myself."

Serena scowled and turned on the spot, apparating instead of flooing, just to stop the little elf from retaliating back. She knew it was not her fault, but she did not need a house elf to deal with at the moment as well as all the other problems on her plate.


	140. Chapter 139

**A/N: okay so it's ridiculous-o-clock in the morning, and i can't sleep so i've been writing this for two hours instead. if there's any mistakes its coz i'm TIREDDDDDD. **

When she arrived in the dark hallway at Grimmauld Place, she heard heavy footfalls and Samuel emerged from downstairs. "you okay? What happened yesterday after you left?"

Serena sighed and shrugged, trying to remember what she was allowed to tell others. "Um, nothing really, he had to see Albus, he's injured himself, that's where Sev is now- trying to find the cure for him. It's been a stressful day…"

"Is Dumbledore okay? How did he get injured? What-"

"I don't know Sam, I'm sorry, you'll have to ask him."

"Hmm, listen Serena… Remus and I were talking after you left yesterday… the way Snape spoke to you… are you sure he's treating you right?"

"Of course he is!" Serena said immediately, blushing slightly. "I've been pushed around enough in my life Sam; I know I don't have to deal with that shit anymore."

"I'm glad," he said sincerely, "but really Serena, just give it some thought? Sometimes he speaks to you as though…" Samuel sighed and rubbed his short hair, "well as though you were a pet dog or an elf or something."

"Right well your concern is duly noted," she said briskly. "I promise to tell you if he starts turning into a woman beater." She gave a small smile and a playful push and then turned her attention to the rest of the house. "Come on, where's Remus?"

They walked down into the kitchen where Remus and Minerva were having tea and discussing a special type of human transfiguration.

Serena left Remus' potion in the usual cabinet and slipped into a chair next to him. "Good Afternoon Serena," Minerva said cheerily. "Have you been to visit the old man?"

"Erm, yeah, Albus, I saw him yesterday, I was with Severus when…"

"Oh goodness were you? Do you know what happened then? He refuses to tell us."

"Oh erm no, not really, he wouldn't tell us either."

"Hmm, I'm determined to find out. So where is Severus?"

"In his lab, he's really busy right now…"

"hmm," the older woman surveyed her with beady eyes. "He works himself too hard sometimes, you'll have to keep an eye on him dear, make sure he doesn't overdo it."

"Yeah, I know you're right Minerva, I will, don't worry."

Her gaze flickered to Remus who was surveying her with narrowed eyes. He suddenly smiled and stood up. "Serena, you have to come and see Lavinia, she's starting to crawl, I swear."

Serena gave a genuine smile and followed him out and into the living room where Samuel and Max were playing cards and Vinnie was in a cot. Remus lifted her out and bounced her in the air a few times, making her give a little laugh Serena had not heard before. She laughed as well and moved to slip her arm around Remus' waist.

"That laugh is adorable, and she's growing so quickly! I can hardly believe how big she is now!"

"me neither," he smiled, leaning into her side. "heavy too! Here Vinnie, show Aunty Serena your crawling."

He put her down on her stomach carefully and they crouched down in front of her. She gurgled and laughed to herself as she kicked her legs and tried to move her arms as though she was swimming. Samuel gave a rumble of a laugh. "She still has a long way to go I think, Remus," he said smiling.

"Daddy, when could I crawl?" Max asked. "Was I better than Vinnie?"

"You pretty much learnt to fly a broom before you could crawl, Maxy," Sam teased.

"And uncle Harry said I'm good too!"

"Wow and are you going to play for a team when you're older?" Remus asked.

"Yes! Of course and I'm going to be better than Victor Krum!"

"Wow cool!"

Max nodded and then turned back to his game, shuffling the cards expertly.

Serena lifted up Lavinia and sat her in her lap, taking one of her hovering toys and letting her play with it.

Remus smiled warmly at the two of them and then looked towards the picture on the mantle piece of him and Sirius cradling Lavinia between them.

Serena grasped his hand and gave him a small smile. "I bet he's amazed at how quickly she's grown too."

Remus nodded and smiled, "I bet you're right…"

"Max wins!" Samuel exclaimed, "wow how good have you gotten! I can't believe you've beaten me! Don't you dare tell anyone!"

"I'm gonna tell great aunty Minerva!" Max shouted, giggling as Samuel made a shocked face.

"no!"

"yes!" he squealed, running out of the room with Samuel hot on his heels.

Remus' laugh grew solemn and he turned to Serena, whose fingers had been grabbed by the little baby.

"You're not yourself," he said quietly. "you look sad."

Serena sighed and shrugged, "I'm just worried about Albus I guess… I'd better get back home actually, I need to have some dinner and stuff."

"Okay, well you know you can always come to me if you need to talk, don't you?"

"Of course." She handed back Lavinia and waved goodbye to her, insisting Remus did not need to walk her to the fireplace. She said goodbye to the others and flooed back home.

Severus was standing in the kitchen doorway, talking into his muggle telephone device. She gave him a small smile and he jerked his head, holding a finger to his lips in a quiet gesture. She nodded and slipped past him, his cloak just brushing her bare legs. She took a meal from the fridge and sat down at the table to nibble it as she listened to his quiet hissing.

"yes I know that but- well fucking stop her! I know you're worried, I understand that, but really I can't help anymore than I already am… A what? Is that what you really want? Yes… No… I owe you that much, Narcissa… of course… tonight then, and do your best to discourage her… no! I do not want that fucking bitch in my house again! Okay… yes… you too."

He clicked a button on the phone and put it back in the kitchen cupboard.

"how's Narcissa?"

"Worried, about Draco," he said quietly, not looking at her. "He is falling deeper into the dark side."

"No wonder she's worried… no Mother would want this for her child, she must feel terrible…"

Severus clenched his teeth and she saw his knuckles whiten.

"I didn't mean- I was just saying-"

"You were giving your opinion on something you had no right or experience to. You're not a mother and your own mother was a fucking disgrace-"

"Severus, please, if this is about what Molly said-"

"For fuck's sake Serena- it's about you! Look, Cissy is coming around later, so you can't be here, it'll be late so you may as well sleep at Grimmauld-"

"Severus-"

"Serena, I can't have you here, you know why."

"Okay, okay, I agree but…" Serena sighed and threw down her fork next to her barely touched dinner. "Severus I just need you to know that I love you, okay, and that if you ever need to talk, or just sit together in quiet, then I'm here for you."

"yes," Severus sneered, "that's really going to help Albus, isn't it. I'll be in my lab. And for fuck's sake eat something."

He stalked into the living room and slammed the door to the lab shut behind him.

Serena grabbed her lasagne and threw it straight against the kitchen wall, running past the smashed plate and mess of food and up the stairs where she jumped under the bed covers, curled up in a ball, and screamed.

She lay in bed for hours and did not hear Severus emerge at all. Meal time came and went and when Maisie appeared with a tray of food for her, Serena vanished it angrily and told the elf to tell Severus to stop using her as a spy. When Maisie started to protest, Serena threatened her with clothes and Maisie quickly disappeared in floods of tears.

Serena sighed and jumped up form the bed before the elf ran to Severus, and she quickly packed a bag of toiletries to take to Grimmauld Place. She hurried downstairs and stepped into the fireplace. She could hear Severus' boots coming up the stairs from the lab but she had shouted '_Grimmauld Place'_ and was whisked away before he had the chance to start a fight.

"I knew something was wrong," Remus muttered, jumping up from his dinner and rushing to take Serena's bag. The few people that were gathered eating tea were watching her closely as Remus put his arm around her shoulders and steered her up the stairs.

"Tell me," he demanded, as soon as they were locked in the safety of Serena's usual room.

"how do you know? How come you always know?"

"Because you're my best friend, I can read you like a book, just as you can read me like one."

"Oh," she sniffed, "Well it's probably nothing anyway…"

"Serena," he nudged, frowning.

Serena bit her lip and flopped down on the bed looking exhausted. "Severus has shut himself away form me, he's trying to find a potion to help Albus but… he's been so distant and rude and… mean and harsh, biting and controlling and always shouting at me! I don't know if… I think I'm being stupid but… I don't know if it's after Albus or… If it's after what Molly said yesterday morning about-"

"I heard her," Remus said grimly. "I also saw the way you both reacted."

Serena sighed miserably. "It's been a topic running through both our minds for the past few months- not that we've actually communicated this to each other- but… I see him with Lavinia and he would never admit it but… he loves that girl and after his hatred for kids all his life, this is something new for him and I think that terrifies him… I can feel him sometimes, if I'm near him and I feel… longing, I suppose."

"I know communication is always difficult between the two of you but… if this is something you both want..?"

Serena shook her head, looking exasperated. "It's not possible for us Remus, not being in the middle of a war, not with him being a spy… perhaps when all this is over, but realistically we don't even know if we're going to survive the war. Whatever happens, one side is going to want to kill him, and he's only mortal Remus…" Serena swallowed the lump in her throat and played with the edge of the duvet mindlessly.

"Is it not worth the risk? To have some happiness, to at least give a child a chance?"

"It works for you Remus, but even so… Sirius died… and you're struggling on doing the very best for Vinnie, but me… I'm not as strong as you… if Severus left… I would be in no it state to be a Mother, and I could not bring a child into this sick and twisted world and then leave it to fend for itself.

"If the war ends- _when -_ the war ends, I think we'd strongly consider it, but Severus and I both had horrible childhoods and shit parents and I think we're both scared that we'll be the same."

"That's-"

"I know," she said honestly, "It's ridiculous, if anything it should spur us on to be better parents but… God I don't know, war is so stressful…"

Remus lay back on the bed next to her and linked his fingers through hers. "I know, but it's also a time where everyone joins together and works for what is right. Sirius died trying and I'm sure as hell going to as well if that's what it takes to have my daughter grow up in a world without hate and death and pain. If Severus needs time, give him time; just make sure he knows you are waiting for him. Be it a few hours, or even a few days, he'll fall back into the usual pattern of things. He loves you remember, and everyone knows how protective of you he is, I doubt he could last a day without you."

"Good," she said quietly, squeezing his warm fingers, "because I don't think I can last a day without him…"


	141. Chapter 140

**A/N: i'm sorry it's such a late update. really sorry. really really really sorry. **

**thanks for sticking with me, love you all. **

**p.s- thank you rosedoll for leaving the biggest review in history! I'm so grateful you took the time to tell me your thoughts and i will definitely take what you've said into consideration, but i do have a plan for all the darkness recently, and hopefully, Severus and Serena will work out their problems eventually -but not in a too cliched way. i hope. so thank you for your review, i really really appreciate it. :D **

Serena headed down into the kitchen at Grimmauld Place early the next morning after a restless night. She grabbed a piece of toast from Samuel and munched it quickly, realising she had eaten very little in the past twenty four hours. After helping Remus prepare Vinnie's breakfast, she grabbed her back and stepped through the floo back home.

The first thing that hit her when she arrived in the living room was the smell.

Vomit.

Then she saw the glass, fragments and shards littering the carpet and twinkling in the firelight like snowflakes.

She scrunched up her nose and drew her wand carefully, trying to stay calm and collected as she assessed the situation and used her extra senses to try and determine what was wrong.

She crunched carefully across the glass and slowly pushed open the kitchen door, holding her wand tight in her sweaty hand and taking the duelling position she had been taught.

What she saw made her arm go limp and her stance relax.

"fucking hell," she muttered, walking over yet more glass to kneel in front of Severus.

He was slouched on the floor against the kitchen counters with an empty bottle of vodka sitting next to him. His head was rolled onto his chest and he'd thrown up, half on him half on the floor. His robes were ruined, his eyes were red and bloodshot and Serena was frightened. She stepped forward nervously and he jerked his head up when she approached him.

"no!" he spluttered, holding out a hand. "Don't touch- no touch," he moaned and grabbed his left forearm, staring into his dark mark like a man possessed.

Serena very slowly crouched down in front of him, trying to keep her own emotions under wraps. She remembered a time before she had found love in Severus, when he had been lying on the floor in his classroom, injured and drunk and begging her not to touch him. Something had obviously happened the night before, she had not seen Severus this drunk before and the reasons behind his stupor scared her.

"I'm a fool!" he spat suddenly, spittle flying out and mixing with the filth over his chest. "so pathetic-"

"you are not pathetic," she argued softly, "You are brave and frightened and stressed-"

"No! Don't pity me!"

"I would never pity you Severus…"

He shook his head wildly and his dark eyes were black and haunted. "I'm so fucking disgusting! Can't even say no to a fucking woman-"

"wait, what?" Serena interrupted, her blood running cold. "what woman Severus?" she urged in a voice that sounded strangely distant.

'fucking stupid, she fucking- she fucking begged me, you must understand," he slurred. "She begged! And I c-couldn't- I was too… weak to say no!"

Serena stopped breathing. Her brain was desperately trying to work out what he was saying, and then trying to contradict the conclusions.

She grabbed her wedding ring and raised her hand to him. "but- but the charm, I would have felt- you couldn't- wouldn't-"

"It's a curse," he spat, seemingly not even hearing her, "a promise, I was a fool to take it… she begged, you must understand, and he begged, he made me promise…"

"What- I don't-how- who is she?" Serena managed eventually.

Severus grabbed his stomach suddenly and groaned, hunching over so his face nearly touched his knees. His answer was a whisper.

"Narcissa."

Serena's knees gave way and stumbled back onto the hard floor, trying to tear her eyes away from her husband.

She swallowed and bit her lip hard, furiously willing herself not to cry. "Do you love her?" she spat out eventually.

Severus grabbed the empty bottle and tried to swig the little remains of vodka from the bottom. He slumped back against the counter and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, observing Serena's heart breaking through heavily lidded eyes.

He turned his attention back to the bottle but Serena wrenched it from his hand and threw it straight against the wall above his head. "I SAID DO YOU LOVE HER?" she screamed, not paying attention to the shards of glass raining down around them.

Severus looked at her, his head tilted curiously and a frown on his face. "Of course," he slurred eventually. "you think I would have done it if I didn't love her? You think- you think I'd do that for just anyone? It's my soul, Serena! My soul, my life, of course I fucking love her!"

"that's all I wanted to know," she said in a cold voice.

Her whole body was shaking violently as she staggered back towards the door frame and had one last look back at Severus. He was starting to drool on one side of his mouth and there was a gash down the side of his cheek where a shard of glass had caught him.

Serena did not notice the look of confusion and the soft frown on his face as she stumbled from the room and into the fireplace and was gone.

She walked blindly through the kitchen at Grimmauld Place and staggered through the door and up the stairs. She could hear voices echoing in her head and she could see shadows and patterns moving around her but she could focus on nothing. Her head was spinning and she felt sick but it was nothing compared to the wrenching pain in her chest. It hurt, it physically hurt her and she was absolutely terrified by it.

She was in her room with the door warded and she did not even remember getting there. She leant back against the door and slowly slid down onto the floor, grabbing her legs and trying to hold herself together.

Severus had… had… with… another woman? Narcissa? The woman he had sworn was merely a friend, a woman who had once harboured feelings for him… that he had said were never reciprocated… and now…

Was this why he'd been so strange the past few days? Why he'd been so distant and cold and… unhappy? Because he'd decided their relationship had come to a head- that he wanted to be with Narcissa instead?

Had he stopped loving her? Had he stopped wanting her?

Serena's whole body began trembling and tears started to spill from her eyes. She had cried so much recently- had been in so much pain, but _nothing_ compared to this. This was like being tortured, all over again, but worse.

When Crouch had held her under his wand, under his curses and slices and pain and humiliation, it had been bearable- because she knew Severus loved her, because she knew she was never alone, and that he would never stop loving her, and she'd thought of all the happiness they'd shared together, and now…

Now she was in such pain and misery and it was _because _of him. And there was nothing that would make it better.

The pain was building inside her, shaking her entire being, spreading from her chest, into her stomach and across her sides, cramping her and griping her and climbing so quickly into an unbearable crescendo.

Remus' spoon dropped from his hand and fell onto the stone kitchen floor. "that's Serena," he muttered, springing up from his chair so quickly it knocked back onto the floor with a loud bang, almost loud enough to drown out the shrill screams that had just started from upstairs.

"Wait, Remus wait!" Samuel shouted, holding him back for a moment. "you can't go alone, wait, Max, come here, listen to me. You take Vinnie, here, good boy, that's right, now sit here in the corner, good. Listen to me, okay, listen, don't be scared, daddy's going to see what's wrong with Aunty Serena, you stay here, okay? Stay and if I don't come back in ten minutes, I want you to use the floo and take Vinnie to Molly and Arthur's, okay?"

Max shrank into the corner, holding Lavinia on his lap, and nodded timidly.

Remus did not wait, he sprinted up the stairs, his wand at the ready as the screams became louder and louder.

"SERENA!" he shouted, slamming his shoulder against her door. "SERENA!" he tried again, pushing his whole weight against it and using his extra strength from the proximity of the full moon.

"Remus! Remus wait!" Samuel shouted, waving his wand and trying to discover what spells Serena had used. "It's no use, we need to break the wards-"

"SERENA!" Remus yelled against the door, "Serena let us in! I need to help you, I can help, what's the matter? Open the door!"

"They're too goddam powerful," Samuel growled, "use your mind- use your mind, this is your house now-"

"I've never- I can't-"

"You can Remus! You can, use your mind, Sirius taught you, I know he did."

Remus pressed his forehead against the door, Serena's screams and moans of pain were muffled now and he was so worried and scared. He shut his eyes and focussed. Sirius had taught him to tune into the wards in the house, to feel the house as being alive and breathing, with a real mind to control each room and boundary. He felt the wards to her room, and very slowly began to un-weave them from the system, and open them up.

The lock clicked and he fell forward in his urgency. "Serena! Serena!"

The room had been destroyed. Where the furniture had been there was now a pile of splinters and saw dust still floating like dust onto the carpet. Shreds of clothes were draped over the floor and Remus recognised broken bits of objects scattered around.

Serena was huddled in a corner, moaning and screaming in pain. She was curled up in a ball, her head in her hands, shaking so violently she was almost moving from the floor. The magical energy in the room was so strong that it was difficult to get close to Serena, and Remus couldn't even touch her.

"Serena, please how can I help you?" Remus begged, fear prominent in his body as he held his wand defensively. Serena would never want to hurt him, but she had no control over her magic right now, and he'd seen the magnitude of her powers before.

Serena moaned and lifted up her head a fraction. "Se-ve-rus," she sobbed loudly, "please- need Sev-rus, need…" She moaned in pain again and crossed her hands over her chest. "It hurts, he hurts, so bad-"

"It's okay, it's okay, I'll get him, Samuel- go, now, severus-"

Samuel turned and was gone.

"He's coming Serena, he's coming, it's okay, what's wrong? Where does it hurt?"

"My- my heart- broken- can't- he hurts me, Remus! He hurts me so bad."

"Who? Who hurt you?"

Serena turned her face away from him and sobbed hysterically. The magic in the room was vibrating and he could almost hear the hum in the air around them. He slowly sat down in front of her, trying so desperately to reach out and touch her, just in comfort.

It was so horrible to see her in such pain, and his mind was working so hard to try and figure out the cause.

There were heavy footfalls on the stairs and the door banged open behind him.


	142. Chapter 141

**A/N: bad, bad, bad author! i'll try to post another one tonight though, promise i'll try my best! Tell me what you think, naughty Severus and Serena... **

"OUT! Out now, get out!" Severus snapped, drawing his wand and swooping over to the corner of the room. Remus moved quickly to the door and watched as Severus- who was dressed only in trousers and a stained shirt- crouched next to Serena and waved his wand quickly around her in a circle.

"Serena!" he barked, his hand hovering just over her. "Serena! Listen, for fuck's sake, stop being ridiculous!"

"let go! Let go of your magic or it's going to kill you!"

His voice was an echo, Serena felt as though she was underwater and everything was so fuzzy. His face swam into view and she blinked a few times, unsure if she was hallucinating or not.

"For fuck's sake Serena, please!" Severus begged, his eyes full of fire and ice and the most _emotion_ she had seen in days.

There was a sudden burst of white light erupting from her chest and the hum of power stopped as the light hovered within the line of magic Severus had drawn, and then faded very slowly back towards Serena. She slumped against the wall, suddenly silent, and Severus was able to touch her.

He grabbed her under the arms and wrenched her to her feet, slamming her feeble body against the wall and ignoring Remus' shouting.

"For fuck's sake you stupid witch!" he hissed into her face. "I didn't touch that woman! That's what this is about, isn't it! I didn't fucking touch her, you misunderstood you fucking idiot!

Serena's whole body wracked with more sobs and she sagged against his front, clenching at his robes with desperation. The warmth of his body was what she needed and she felt the light inside her flicker again as the pain in her chest slowly receded.

"I didn't touch her," he said in a quieter, gravely voice, letting his eyes fall shut with pleasure as he was reunited with the wife he loved.

Serena sobbed into his shirt and he had to half hold her on her feet. Her strength had gone, along with most of her magical powers and they would take a few hours to return.

He heard a shuffle by the door and snapped his head in Remus' direction.

"For fuck's sake wolf, did I not tell you to get out! Leave us!"

"I want to make sure Serena is okay," Remus said in a steady voice with Severus' words about another woman ringing in his head.

Serena's crying was slowly quietening and she took a few deep breaths before wiping her eyes on Severus' shirt and poking her head around to look blearily at Remus. "I'm o-okay n-now," she managed in a weak voice. "He's with me, I'm- I'm- with Severus, he's h-here."

Remus eyed Severus wearily and narrowed his eyes. "I'll be outside." He walked out and shut the door behind him, after which Severus threw up his wards before turning to Serena.

"you thought I'd slept with another woman? With Narcissa? What do you think I am?" he hissed, gripping her arms tightly. He swung around and sat her on the bed firmly, crouching down until he was eye level with her. "How many times have I told you?" he growled into her face, and he was so close she could smell the sober up on his lips. "She is a friend, a fucking friend, how many friends do you have?- do you think it's okay for me to accuse you of sleeping with them? How many times have I seen you in Remus' room, or with Samuel in a corner somewhere, whispering-"

"Severus, don't-"

"No, don't interrupt me, I asked you a question! Do you think you were right to accuse me this way?"

Serena's tears made their way down her cheeks slowly and she tasted salt on her lips. "No, but-"

"Exactly, so you weren't right, and we have discussed this before, haven't we, and yet you _still_ don't fucking trust me-"

"I do!" she pleaded, reaching out a hand as though she just wanted to touch him.

"if you trusted me, you would never have acted like this! You would never have took what I said that way!"

"I'd trust you with my life," she said in a broken voice.

"but not with our marriage," he spat, looking at her with disgust.

Serena's face looked broken and her bottom lip was trembling uncontrollably. "I don't- I don't understand," she whimpered quietly. "I- why are you being like this?"

"me?" he hissed, his eyebrows raised. "me? I don't remember me behaving like a spoilt child the past few days, reducing our house elf to tears, and accusing you of sleeping with another man and then having a strop and nearly sinking the entire house into the ground because I lost control of my goddam magic!"

"I was- I was scared-"

"you've behaved disgracefully," he sneered. "I'm ashamed."

Serena opened and closed her mouth silently, as tears dripped off her chin and nose. "I- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, sorry-"

Severus stood up abruptly and looked down at his shirt, soaked with her tears and make up marks.

"rest, your magic needs to recharge," he said in a cool voice. He strode to the door and took another look back at her. "and sleep here tonight." He opened the door, stepped out and slammed it behind him.

It was open a split second later and Remus rushed in, moving to the bed and pulling a hysterical Serena into his arms.

It took fifteen minutes to get her to calm down, and another fifteen until she was tucked safely in bed with a dreamless sleep potion.

When Remus and Samuel tried to use the floo to Spinner's End an hour later, it was warded shut, and when they apparated their, they were held in the yard for half an hour before they decided to give up.

"There's something serious going on," Samuel said gravely, as they both nursed a Firewhiskey later that evening. "When I went around their, he was on the floor in the kitchen, a sober up lying next to him. He looked out of his mind, terrified actually, about something he'd done…"

"If he's hurt her..." Remus growled.

Samuel pressed a hand to his arm. "Relax, Remus, the least you need is to get worked up right now, the full moon's tomorrow, you're agitated enough as it is."

"But what if he has?" Remus said grimly. "What if he is hurting her? She said, before, she could hardly get her words out, but she said clearly 'he hurts me so bad… '"

"Yes, but when he arrived she was better, she said she was okay because he was there… Serena's not stupid…"

"no, but she loves that man. I think he could do whatever he wanted to her and she wouldn't complain because she loves him… I wish she'd talk to me," Remus sighed.

"We'll check her, for traces of glamours hiding bruises, okay?"

Remus nodded, "good plan… but when Severus shows his face- I'm having this out with him."

Later that evening, before Serena was woken, Remus checked her arms and legs for bruises. And found nothing.

He sat next to her on the bed and scrubbed at his face, watching her sleep, looking seemingly peaceful.

He reached out a hand and gave her shoulder a gentle shove. She opened her eyes sleepily and gave him a timid smile before looking distraught. "Sev-"

"Hush," Remus silenced, "Don't think too much, I just need you to focus on me, okay? Listen up; I need you to tell me how you feel physically."

Serena stared at him with wide eyes for a full ten seconds before answering quietly. "tired…"

"good, no pain?"

She shook her head and slowly sat up, looking around the destroyed room with panic in her eyes.

"where's Se-"

"do you think you can drink this water? And you need to take your potions, they're here, do that now, okay?"

Serena mechanically did was she was told, but Remus noticed the trembling of her hands and the furious biting of her lower lip.

"now then, tell me what happened yesterday, okay? Start from the beginning sweet."

Serena took a deep breath and looked at Remus squarely with watery eyes that spoke so much of her pain and devastation.

"I think my marriage ended."


	143. Chapter 142

**A/N: hugs and pumpkin pasties for every reviewer !**

Serena wouldn't say anything else. When she had control over her breathing and emotions she insisted on taking a shower and getting dressed. Remus hovered around her like he thought she was going to break down or kick off at any moment and Samuel kept frowning at her over his sandwich.

When she couldn't take it anymore she stood up, announced she needed to return home and stepped through the floo before anyone could protest.

Only she felt the absolute cold terror in her blood as she waited to see if her own floo would accept her into her home.

Thankfully, it did.

She was shaking as she emerged into the living room. The place was a mess. Books and paper lined the floor and empty bottles of alcohol and stained glasses were littered over the coffee table. The shards of glass were still on the floor and she crunched across them carefully until she reached the kitchen. Severus was not there, and luckily his vomit from the day before had been vanished. She sat down on one of the kitchen chairs carefully and took deep breaths.

How had her entire life been turned upside down in just a few days?

She cast a few spells to determine Severus' location and found his presence in the lab, beneath her. She knew he knew she was in the house- he'd have felt the wards, and from the fact that he hadn't bothered to see her she guessed he was still very angry.

For a long time she simply sat there and gazed at the floor where he'd lay in his drunken stupor, surrounded by his own puke, tipping poison into his body and destroying her world with mere words.

She did not know how long had passed until she forced herself to stand and look upstairs. Their bed was still made and cold and had obviously not been slept in. She poked the bathroom door open with her finger but quickly shut it again; the smell was disgusting.

"Maisie."

Nothing.

"Maisie! Maisie!" Serena called, and after four more attempts the elf finally appeared.

Her big ears were drooped and she clung to her purple tea cosy with tiny trembling fists.

"Maisie? Are you okay?"

"I is okay, Miss Serena," she squeaked quietly, looking at the floor.

"What's going on here Maisie? Why is the house a mess? Why do you look so sad?"

"Master Severus Sir told Maisie that she works at Hogwarts and only does meals here miss, he said no tidying miss, just meals for yous! And- and- Maisie is sad because Master Severus is most unhappy sir! He is in basement all the times he is!"

Serena rubbed her face and regarded the little elf with unhappy eyes. "okay, I'm sorry Maisie, I really am. And I am going to try my best to make Severus happy again, okay?"

"Yes Mistress, thank you!"

"Okay, good. Er, would you be able to do a favour in return? Could you possibly clean this bathroom for me? I'll do the rest of it, don't worry but-"

"Of course Mistress! But you must eat! I put three meals in fridge for you and you must eat Miss!"

Serena sighed and nodded, "yes, yes you're right."

"good." The little elf snapped her fingers and vanished and Serena was left standing alone again. She slowly made her way back downstairs and took one of the meals from the fridge. She heated it with a spell that took a lot more effort than normal and sat at her usual place at the kitchen table to nibble on it, whilst constantly trying not to think about the empty space opposite her.

She managed about a quarter of the food before she was full and left feeling bloated. She drank some water and then turned her mind to cleaning up the kitchen. She tried a few spells on the work surfaces, but it was too draining and she knew it was unwise to keep trying so soon after the expulsion of her magic. She manually gathered the dirt cups and mugs and washed them by hand in the sink- the mundane task kept her hands busy, but her mind was left free to wander.

Severus was downstairs and he was hurting and she had only made it worse. What the hell had she been thinking- accusing him like that? After everything he'd done for her, after all the trust she has in him and she had to go and spoil it- she was a disgrace.

Her duty as a wife was to stick by the man she loved through good times and bad, and here she was- failing miserably. After the cups were all washed and dried, she wiped down the work surfaces and used a mop to wash the floor. She took one of Maisie's meals and laid it out on a plate with a knife and fork on the table. Then she wrote him a quick note to tell him dinner was ready and slipped it under the basement door, using her elementarial magic to transport it down into the lab and alert her when it found him. She tried to ignore the state of the living room and sat down at the table opposite his food, waiting.

She realised she must look a mess and quickly tried to smooth her hair down and rub some colour back into her cheeks. She took a few deep breaths and sat calmly, waiting.

She waited until his food had turned stone cold before throwing it onto the floor, grabbing a cloak and apparating the hell out of there.

She stumbled up the Hogwarts drive with as much elegance as she could muster. The night had turned dark and there were a few lights on in the castle. The students had been sent home days ago, and now only the house elves remained and a few teachers.

Albus met her in the entrance hall, greeting her as though he'd been expecting her arrival for days.

"My Dear, you look terrible, come now, I've got us some brandy that will do just the trick!"

"Albus I came to look after you, not the other way around," she insisted, linking her arm through his.

"Nonsense, I am perfectly fine, Severus is just marvellous with his potions, I was up on my feet again in no time."

Serena was quiet and they did not speak again until they were safely in the privacy of Albus' office. Serena curled up on the comfy chair opposite him and sipped at her warm brandy.

"Albus… about Severus… he's been- um- we've not-"

"I hear rumours," Albus said gravely, observing her with a concerned look through his half moon glasses.

"I just- I can narrow down the changes in his behaviour to two moments and I don't know which was the catalyst or if they both contributed or…"

"Serena, my dear, take a deep breath. Calm yourself. Explain when you are ready."

Serena shut her eyes briefly and took a long breath. "the first was at Headquarters," she continued quietly, "and Molly Weasley made a remark that I would give Severus a child soon… the moment was… so innocent to her and yet so truly devastating for us…"

Albus thought for a long moment with a small frown on his brow and then gestured for her to continue.

"and the other was… well, it was you- after you'd been injured he talked with you, didn't he? And when he came back he looked… haunted… broken… I thought at first it was just the shock of seeing you so close to death, but it didn't get better, it's getting worse and I don't know what to do… what did you talk about?"

Albus gave a long sigh and gazed down at his blackened hand. The sight of it gave Serena Goosebumps and she had to look away.

"We talked of my injury and of how Severus would help me. That is all."

"If that is the truth, why can't you look at me when you say it?" Serena said sadly, tears swimming in her eyes.


	144. Chapter 143

**A/N: giant chapter, because i love you guys... **

Albus sighed sadly and shut his eyes. "Serena, my child… I can not help you…"

"but you know the answer, don't you? Why won't you help me, Albus?" she whispered, tears brimming in her red eyes as the faith she felt in the man was slowly evaporated.

"Serena… I don't know what is wrong with Severus… I can't help you, I'm so sorry, my child, I'm so sorry…" Albus' blue eyes were pained and watery when he finally opened them and he looked so weak it scared her.

"I don't understand…" she murmured in a shaky voice. "I don't understand…"

Albus had closed his eyes again and Serena stared at his passive face with disbelief and pleading for almost a full minute before she sniffed loudly and stood up, speaking in a voice much stronger and braver than she felt. "I don't know or understand what has happened to you or Severus I but I will not let you turn your backs on me. I love you, Albus, and I love Severus more than you will ever understand. I _will_ find out what's going on, and I _will_ get my husband back. I'll be around tomorrow, so you better think about what I've said. Rest. You look awful."

Serena turned on her heel and marched out of Albus' office, sweeping through the empty halls quickly, before her emotions took control. She marched straight past the Entrance Hall and hurried down the dark stairs towards the dungeons, taking the familiar path towards Severus' office. The wards automatically accepted her and she entered his classroom, pausing to light the candles with a thought of her mind. They flickered eerily around her and the classroom seemed strangely haunted without Severus' presence lingering. She shivered and pulled her coat tighter around her, before stepping over to his private quarters and unlocking the door into his kitchen with the press of her palm against the wood.

When she stepped through the door she swore she felt a flicker of unfamiliar magic for a split second, before she closed it behind her. She walked through the living room and into the bedroom they had shared; the bedroom where they had first made love and begun their relationship. In the hazy candle light she slipped off her shoes and her coat and her clothes until she stood shivering in her underwear. She lit a fire in the grate with a gentle thought and warmed herself by it for a moment, before sliding under the duvet cover and hugging Severus' pillow to her. She breathed in the perfect smell of spices and masculinity and wrapped herself around his scent. Within minutes, she was asleep.

Severus was sitting on the bottom most step, staring into his dark lab with hooded eyes. He took another sip of his brandy and mused that he could no longer feel the burn in the back of his throat. He was a mess. The variation of such intense emotions he had been forced to experience in the past few hours was overwhelming.

He couldn't remember how he'd gotten so drunk before. All he'd wanted to do was to wash away the pain at seeing how much he was hurting his wife. But what the fuck did he expect? Had he imagined it would be simple? That she would simply accept being pushed away and fall out of love with him so easily? And what about his own feelings? Severus pushed that thought into the box at the back of his head, slammed the lid down and chained it shut. He was not important in this equation. He had ruled his humanity out of his life before, and he simply had to do it again; he was a robot now, a machine, a puppet of Dumbledore to be used to fight the war and then to be carelessly thrown away again… disposable…

And that was how he had ended up, drunk on his kitchen floor, sweating in his own vomit- he had been used yet again, deployed as another tool in another plan, and with a shake of a hand and a whisper of words he was bound by his life to protect a pathetic boy he both loathed and pitied.

And then she had come, his love, his beautiful and wonderful saviour, his loyal wife, his- Severus slammed the box shut again. "god dammit!" he hissed at himself, swigging another mouthful of the brown liquid that kept him sane.

Anyway, she had come, and she had listened to his foolish, misguided and polysemous words and drawn the conclusion he would have probably drawn himself and he had torn her world apart with such stupid naivety. He wasn't even aware at the time. It was as though he was ten minutes behind her, slowly pushing his way through the muggy haze until his words and her reaction clicked into place and became real in his mind. The confusion he had felt gradually faded and as understanding dawned on him, the fireplace had activated and a man had run into his home.

Severus hadn't even tried to defend himself. He had sat there and watched black converse shoes squeak around his floor and clean up mess and prod and poke him whilst the constant flurry of words echoed in a deep voice through his head.

_Serena_, _scared, power, crazy, danger, kill herself, destroy everything… _

They were the only words that registered and as Samuel shoved a sober up down his throat, they clicked in his dizzy mind and everything made sense. Adrenalin had taken control and cleared his mind of the haze as he raced through Grimmauld Place, up to where her strong magical signature was resonating from.

She was lying on the floor, curled in on herself, and completely out of control. He found himself comparing her pain in his mind. Was she hurting more because she thought he loved someone else than when Kingsley had died? Was she more scared now than she had been when Crouch had tortured and raped her? Did her whole being really love him so much, that even the thought of him being with someone else destroyed her?

A small voice in the back of Severus' mind cleared it's throat in disagreement. She would never withhold a life with someone else from him. She protested because she saw how unhappy he was, and it killed her.

Severus clenched his teeth and pressed his forehead against the neck of the bottle with a low growl. His wife loved him, she wanted to be by his side and support her in everything and by Merlin he loved her too.

And out of that whole day the one moment he clung to was when he had held her in his arms and she had slumped against his body, feeling so safe and secure to be back with him again. After everything he'd done to her over the past few days, treating her like dirt and pushing her away, she still forgave him and felt safe with him and leaned into his body to feel grounded again.

And he'd thrown her away from him, yet again, because it hurt too much to have reminders of the past. To feel her against him, her whole body pressed against his own, only separated by a few wisps of material…

Severus' head jerked upwards suddenly as a jolt of blood magic shot through him. He closed his eyes and discovered the source- someone had entered his private chambers at Hogwarts, and seeing as there were only two people who were allowed entrance without his presence, he knew it was either Albus or Serena.

He gazed at his bottle and reluctantly set it down on the floor, before getting clumsily to his feet and stumbling over to his cupboard that contained a stack of sober up potions. He knocked one back, remembering too late that it was unwise to take two strong doses in the space of a few hours. He brushed his hair back from his face and strode purposefully through his messy lab and up the stairs, stepping straight into the floo to take him to his Hogwarts quarters. It was so much easier now that bloody Umbridge woman was gone and he was no longer monitored.

When he stepped out into his dark living room he was quiet, holding his breath and letting his senses sharpen. From what he could deduct, the classroom and kitchen were empty, but there was someone in the bedroom… that could only be one person…

He shut his eyes and breathed in deeply before moving slowly towards the door that was open just a fraction. A warm orange light shone onto his face as he slowly opened the door a centimetre at a time and in the firelight he saw something that took his breath away. _His _wife in _his _bed, hugging _his _pillow to her as she lay there on her front, fast asleep in just her gorgeous underwear, showing her golden legs and the smooth curve of her back in the soft light. Her hair covered her face but he saw her closed eyes and the slight part of her mouth as she dreamed whatever dreams had taken over her.

And the monster consumed him.

He was possessed by all the longing and need and want he had held back over the past few days- it took over him completely and propelled him forward onto the bed, flipping her body over and smothering it with his own. Her shriek was silenced by his lips and her struggles died when she realised who he was and suddenly she was moaning and pulling at him in earnest, but her needs were irrelevant.

This was about him. He needed her, physically needed her and nothing would stop him now.

His kisses were so fierce and brutal in their honesty and his body ground against her, moving quickly between her cradling legs and shoving against her, trying to sate his need, because by God he needed to come.

His thrusts were fierce, he could feel himself so hard rubbing against the inside of his trousers and against the thin fabric of hers- the friction was perfect, he pulled his mouth away so he could concentrate and growled against the inside of her neck. Hands scratched against his back and her breathing was so loud in his ear and he was so close, so close to losing control and immersing himself in pleasure.

Fuck.

Severus bit down on Serena's shoulder and moaned into her skin as his climax exploded around him. He physically shook against her warm body and as his energy left him he collapsed down half on top of her, breathing heavily. He had released for the first time in days and yet in the aftermath he did not feel the sense of completion he was used to. Small arms were wrapped tightly around his body and he realised she was shaking violently too.

As he lifted his head to see the shadow of her face he noticed tears streaming from her eyes. His own eyes widened in fear but she gave a choked laugh and smiled at him through the darkness. "it's okay," she whispered shakily, but his eyes snapped to her shoulder where his teeth marks shone red and all he could feel was guilt and self hatred and disgust swallowing him up again.

He wrenched himself away from her and stumbled back from the bed, staring down at the wet patch on his trousers in loathing. He vanished his vile mess with a flick of his wand and tried to comprehend what had happened.

"Severus…"

Hs head snapped up to meet her brown eyes and he was astounded by what he saw. _Hope and fear_ lived within her and she was undecided which one she would cling to.

"fear," he choked suddenly, more to himself than her. He came to his senses and sorted and separated his emotions inside his head quickly, slamming different boxes and running through his cupboard as quickly as possible. When he was sure he was under control and the correct persona was in place he looked defiantly at her. "I am sorry," he said in an emotionless voice. "I was selfish, this was a mistake-"

"Severus!"

"I'm sorry," he repeated again, before turning to the door,

"Severus! Severus no please!" the panic and raw fear in her voice was painful for him to hear but he opened the door and stepped through. He heard a shuffle and suddenly she was running after him, grabbing his arm and forcing him to look at her. "Please- I don't- I'm sorry-" she sobbed, standing there looking so fucking beautiful and almost naked and sweaty and aroused. "Please, I can- I can do better, I can make you happy again- I can help, I can-"

"Stop this," Severus said in a low voice. "you are embarrassing yourself. If you want to help me and help me cure Albus then you can stop being a distraction to me, and stop this snivelling mess. I had a selfish moment; I can assure you it will not happen again. Now pull yourself together, I have work to do and will be in my lab, I expect you to have a decent night's sleep and eat a meal. It will not do for you to become ill."

Severus' voice was stone cold, but when his gaze moved to her shoulder a strange and unrecognisable expression flickered on his face. He cleared his throat but when he spoke again his voice was hoarse and rough. "Your shoulder… I have some paste-"

Serena shut her eyes briefly and when she opened them again she knew she had healed her mark.

Severus nodded, that strange expression still lingering. "Right," he muttered, before stepping into the floo and returning straight to Spinner's End. It was only when he was in the safety of his lab and with the comfort of a bottle, did he let himself break down.


	145. Chapter 144

**A/N: i'm so so so so sorry. i've been so busy and distracted and really not feeling like writing these past few days, and im so busy coz im moving to uni in like eleven days, and i haven't had time to write. SORRY! i hope this chapter tides you over for a little while, so sorry again. i'll do my best, thanks for all your support,love you guys majorly xxxx**

"Serena?"

Remus frowned in concern and made his way over to her, balancing the baby with one arm against his chest.

The smile she shot him was only just believable.

"Is everything okay? What happened when you left- we couldn't get through the floo and-"

"It's fine, Remus, really…"

Remus frowned, and then sniffed the air. "you made up?" he said suddenly, surprise evident in his voice.

Serena shrugged and looked down at the floor, her face blushing red when she realised Remus could smell both hers and Severus' arousal. She hated it when the full moon was so close.

"Is that really so surprising?" she asked in a light voice, turning to the kitchen and pretending to busy herself cleaning the work surfaces.

"yes, it is." The firm reply did not come from Remus, but from Samuel, who stood up from the table and watched her closely. "I'd like a word, if you don't mind Serena." He strode out of the room and into the empty living room, shutting the door behind them. Serena's face was stony.

"Sit."

There was no room for argument in his voice and Serena sank slowly onto the sofa, her nervous eyes resting on this suddenly imposing and authorative Samuel.

She watched as he paced slowly around the living room, before coming to a rest leaning against the fireplace. He watched her closely with narrow eyes, crossing his arms and standing up straight to look more intimidating, but when he spoke his voice was surprisingly gentle.

"Serena, tell me what happened when you left?"

Serena stared at the carpet for a full minute, battling inside her head if she should tell him the whole truth or lie…

"Severus was working, so I went to see Albus, and after that I had a- a talk with Severus and we made up, we're back to normal, everything's fine, I think he's just tired and stressed, and there's lots of pressure on him at the moment, and I think that-"

"stop making excuses for him…" he sighed, "and stop lying, for God's sake Serena- please- why can't you just tell me the truth?"

"I am!" she argued, throwing up every occlumency shield she could to protect her mind. "why don't you believe it's possible that we just had a small misunderstanding and-"

"You're sounding like a goddam beaten wife!" Samuel shouted suddenly, making Serena jump violently- she had never heard him so angry.

"why-"

"I swore to Kingsley that I would look after you… how can I keep true to my promise if you're getting abused and-"

"Samuel, please," Serena whispered, swallowing the sudden lump in her throat. "It's my life…"

"so don't let him take it away from you-"

Serena stood up and advanced on Samuel defiantly. "Severus would never-"

"wouldn't he? I saw the way he behaved with you the other night, shouting and shaking you and I didn't miss his words either! He's cheated on you-"

"No! No, he hasn't- he didn't- I- I made a mistake- a mistake- I was confused-"

"confused? Serena…" Samuel rubbed his face with a large hand and when he looked at her again his eyes were sad. "I know you well, Serena, I care for you so very much- I just can't bear to see you hurt like this…"

Serena sniffed and looked down to the floor, only looking up again when she felt a warm hand on her arm. Samuel very slowly pulled her into his embrace and wrapped his arms loosely around her. Serena was stiff and reluctant for only a split second, before she melted against his chest and shut her eyes, lifting her arms to circle his waist.

Samuel rocked her slightly back and forth, his chin resting on her head and his hand rubbing her back comfortingly.

"I'm always here for you, okay… Kingsley would want you to let me help…"

Before Serena could answer, the door opened and both their gazes snapped towards the intruder and Serena stepped out of Samuel's arms. Remus swept through the door and shut it firmly behind him, raising his eyebrows at the pair who had both blushed.

"the whole bloody house can hear you," he muttered, whipping out his wand and casting silencing and privacy charms.

Samuel had the grace to look guilty, but Serena looked horrified. "Didn't you-"

"I didn't expect to have to raise my voice," he said slowly.

Remus looked between them, a slight frown on his brow. "Serena, you okay?"

"yeah," she said, smiling bravely. "of course."

Samuel looked at her with a small smile and then excused himself, shutting the door quietly after him.

Remus walked over and pulled Serena into a hug. "I'm glad things are getting better with you and Severus," he murmured against her ear.

Serena only nodded as guilt and fear twisted her insides.

"Anyway, am I having little Lavinia during the full moon tonight?"

Remus looked guilty, "erm- well I've asked Samuel, you see, I thought- what with-"

"It's fine, I understand," she smiled, trying not to let it bother her. "I might stay here then, just to make sure he's okay."

"okay, no problem…" Remus trailed off and looked closely at Serena, but she smiled and he smiled too. "right, well I'd better get ready…"

"okay, I'll just make sure it's okay with sev…" they gave each other an awkward smile and then Serena stepped around him and into the fireplace.

"oh and Serena?" Remus stopped her, "can you ask Severus to unblock myself and Samuel from your floo please, if there's an emergency I need to be able to see you."

"oh- right- yes- of course…"

He nodded and Serena flooed away.

She was surprised to find Severus, sitting in silence in the living room, sunk into his usual chair and twirling his wand between his fingertips.

"hey," she said bravely, stepping out and brushing down her cloak before hovering on the other side of the room and watching him anxiously.

He inclined his head in her direction but did not look at her.

"Severus… we- I need to speak with you for a moment."

Severus waved a hand as though to tell her to continue and she sat down on the edge of the sofa opposite him.

"I feel I need to apologise to you… about jumping to the wrong conclusion… I… I love you and I'm sorry I doubted you… I am at a loss when I think about what I thought… how could I have been so stupid and disloyal to you..? I'm really, truly, sorry… but… I was wondering if you could tell me what _did_ happen…?"

Serena risked a glance at her husband, his face was dark and unreadable but his hands had frozen, and his white knuckles were clenched around his wand tightly.

"Severus I just… you were talking about someone you love… and Narcissa… and you did something for her, didn't you?"

Serena swallowed the lump in her throat as she watched him and the silence stretched out between them. After what seemed like an age, Severus spoke, his voice was hoarse, and laced with regret.

"I made a vow… an unbreakable vow…"

Serena tried to digest this information as calmly as possible, but her heart was pounding and her insides stirred with unease.

"what… what kind of vow, Severus?" she asked slowly, leaning forward and looking into his dark eyes with worry.

"does it matter?" he responded in a dead voice.

"it matters to me, I'd like to know."

Severus sighed and slipped his wand back up his sleeve before locking his fingers together and turning his head in her direction. He still wouldn't look at her.

"you teach the Malfoy boy, you remember him I presume?"

"Draco, of course."

"He's being initiated into the Death Eaters… I swore to Narcissa to protect him from harm and aid him in any way possible…"

Serena thought this through and eventually nodded slowly. "that was very brave of you… I don't think you even realise how amazing you are sometimes…"

The lines around Severus' mouth tightened and his lips thinned. His forehead creased for a moment before he cleared his throat and stood up. "I must work."

Serena nodded slowly, dropping her gaze to his black boots as they walked across the dirty floor and disappeared into the basement.

Well at least he'd spoken to her, even if he had not even looked at her…

She took a moment to compose herself and finally started tidying up the living room. The place was a mess, and it took her half an hour just to clear the coffee table and re organise the books that had been left out. When she was done, she got changed into purple robes and apparated into Hogsmeade. Her walk up the Hogwarts drive seemed shorter than yesterday, and in what seemed like a moment she was standing outside Albus' office door.

She knocked and waited patiently until it creaked open and granted her entrance.

Albus was in the upper parts of his office, waving his wand in great sweeping motions to levitate a pile of precious looking stones into a small velvet bag.

"I always reside in a small cottage during the holidays," he explained in a cheerful voice without turning around. "I find it most peaceful."

Serena bit her lip and took a deep breath before replying.

"are you feeling better today?"

"I am," he confirmed, tying the bag shut and finally facing her. The smile on his face made her angry.

"And have you thought about our conversation yesterday?"

"Of course," he said gravely, straightening up and observing her carefully. "have you been eating properly Serena, you look pale-"

"Albus, please, enough of this… what's going on with my husband? Why are you lying to me?"

"Serena, dear child, do not doubt that I love you, but you must remember I don't have to tell you everything… we are private beings and if you knew every secret I ever wielded you would surely dislike me. You must trust me; there is nothing to know that you should worry yourself about. Severus is stressed; he takes his duties rather seriously… just stay with him, pray for him, and be patient…"

Serena clenched her fists and took another calming breath. "It seems I have no choice."

"Indeed," he said before returning to his lighter voice, "now are you prepared for our Order meeting tomorrow night, and I would like to hand out invitations to this year's summer ball in a fortnight- it's going to be bigger than ever!"

"Oh… of course, I forgot about the ball… wow, that's come around quickly…" Serena trailed off as she wondered if everything would be sorted by then. She didn't feel like dancing alone.

She looked around the room where she had once felt so at ease and wanted, but when her eyes met Albus' forced smile and she recognised the effort in his voice to be cheery and change the subject- her heart sank.

She was being alienated, kept in the dark and pushed away… when would it end…?


	146. Chapter 145

**A/N: hey guys. *bows head in shame. im here to beg forgiveness. basically- i just started uni so the past few weeks have been so stressful and unnbelievably busy. i wrote this on the way here, and it's little but intense. updates soon, and review replies i promise! and just incase you're worried- dont! I will finish this story! and write more! thanks for all you amazing suport. loves and hugs xxxxxxxxxx**

Severus sat slumped in the same chair he always ended up in, his head buried in his hands and his fingers twisting his greasy hair into knots. It had been thirteen hours since he'd last seen his wife. Thirteen hours since she'd told him she loved him. Again.

He'd hidden like a foolish coward in his basement, staring at the wall and counting cauldrons whilst his mind whirled with such confusion he felt sick. He had waited and rotted in the inferno of his own making until his wards pulsed and he knew she had left.

He looked at his watch. Four hours had passed. He stood up, walked up the steps he hated and opened the door to the living room. He froze. She had tidied and cleaned and restored the living room to its old self. It looked how it had when she'd first moved in- the fire was blazing warmly and candles were lit on the fireplace, her shoes were by the door, sat neatly next to his, and her books were with his, spread on the coffee table.

There was no glass on the floor, no stains of food or vomit on the walls, no stench of unclenliness, just warmth. And sitting on the small table next to his usual chair was a warm meal, under s stasis charm. As he approached it with a small shuffle the charm burst and the smell of shepherd's pie wafted up towards his unworthy nose.

He spluttered and stepped back from her kindness. Would she not cease this ridiculousness? He was walking all over her, treating her like filth and _still_ she cared for him- _still_ she loved him. What would it take? What would he have to do to be alone again?

_Alone. _How the thought of such loneliness hurt him- how the thought of causing her such harm and hurt pained him, and yet it was the only way she could be saved from this horrific mess. It was the only way she would recover in the long run. He was easing her in gently, guiding her blindly to the end of everything, because it was for the greater good, because it was the only way she could be free from his evil.

Dark and Light was what they were together, and he was tainting her light with his dark and it felt so good he hated himself. He loved the fire in her eyes when she was angry, the flare of lust and power that gleamed from her when she rode him, the sickening revenge she thought she was ready to re-enact on those that had harmed her.

But he loved her insecurities too, her shyness when he was so gentle with her, how her kisses soothed and burned simultaneously and the soft feather like caress of her fingertips, ghosting across his chest.

She was filthy and innocent, trapped and free and he wanted both to comfort her and to crush her. She had taken his body, taken his mind, taken all that was left of his soul and had accepted it and cradled it and placed it next to her own soul where the pieces entwined and became one whole.

This was what she had made him.

And he hated her for it.

Severus lowered himself trembling into his chair and placed his filthy head in his hands as the first sob wracked painfully from his chest. How had this happened? Why did she love him? Why had she taken his fucking soul and kept it so safe next to her own? They were both broken, they were both damaged and well beyond repair, but when he was near her, when she looked at him with those beautiful round eyes he felt alive, he felt real, he felt as though nothing would ever hurt again because her beams of light had wrapped safely around his darkness and they had accepted and embraced and soothed and _healed _him.

Well maybe he didn't want to be healed. Maybe he was better off how he'd used to be, not caring about anything and not letting anyone care about him. How simple the world had been then, how easy it had been just to push things into their relevant boxes and shut the lids tight, he'd never had to think about _love_ or _feelings _and he'd long since sacrificed his soul.

But even the thought of going back to the empty shell he had once been sent shivers down his spine and made his gut clench.

How could he do this? How could he possibly turn his back on what was good in his life and go back to the way he'd used to be?

And that was how he'd ended up there again- slumped in the same old chair he fucking hated- for fuck's sake it was the most uncomfortable chair he'd ever sat in in his goddam life- and he _always _sat here, he _always _occupied the same place, so why the fuck was it so goddam uncomfortable? Was this just another joke the old man liked to play- chuckling to himself whilst the muscles in Severus' back seized up and added yet another pain to his miserable life.

"Why are you here, Severus?" he asked in that pretend concerned voice with a hint of amusement he could not hide.

Severus lifted his head and looked at him with bloodshot eyes.

"I can not do what you wish me to."

"you know that you must. You gave me your word. You do not give such things lightly."

"I made a mistake, I did not realise what such a promise would entail."

"and was does it entail, Severus?"

"I will not give up my wife," he snapped suddenly, his fist slamming down on the wooden desk violently.

The old man didn't even flinch.

"That is not what I asked of you, it was you that decided how you wanted to do this."

"how I _wanted_ to do this?" he sneered, "wanted? Oh how perverse you are."

"Severus, you can do this however you wish, as long as it is done at the right moment. I did not ask for you to sacrifice your marriage."

"you think she'd just accept it you foolish man? You think she'd understand it was the only way and let me kill you? For fuck's sake I think that curse addled your brain as well-"

"Severus, please, such language is not necessary-"

Severus snorted and shook his head. "I need to think," he muttered, more to himself. He looked around the room for a moment, as though looking for something and then he sniffed the air.

"has she been here?"

He inclined his head. "she came some hours ago."

"and?"

He sighed, "and is a word with such wide possibilities, Severus…"

"for fuck's sake, I mean and what did she say? How was she looking? Does she suspect something? What did she want?"

"She is angry. She thinks I have changed you or coerced you into something…"

"She is not wrong," he muttered.

"perhaps not, you must do better Severus, she suspects something and you know she is a curious girl."

"I will see to it."

"I trust that you will. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Severus snorted and stood up from the chair he hated. "you're a fucking heartless bastard sometimes, you know that, Albus?"


	147. Chapter 146

**I have no excuse apart from university is so much more busy than i imagined! I'm literally writing this at midnight because i have no time in the day, i'm sorry guys, i'll try harder i promisee! :p although i wrote the next chapter before the past ten because they all sort of lead up to a massive moment in the next chapter, so i wrote that one first, and then i've gone and left it on my [insert swear word here] computer at home :( so i'm not sure what i'm going to do. i'll work something out. might add in an extra chapter between now and until i go home [two weeks- not too long]. anyway. thanks for reading guys, love you all, each review makes me write quicker ;) xxxxxxxxxx**

_Do you know the hardest thing? The hardest thing is that you don't doubt my love. Not once have I seen a flicker of uncertainty within your brown eyes, not even when you believed I had been disloyal. I saw fear, I saw confusion, I saw pain, but not a moment of doubt. _

_How can that be possible? That you are so sure of my love, and by god you are right for the one thing I am sure on, that I would bet my life, that I would bet _your_ life on, is that I will always love you. Forever. _

_I have treated you disgustingly. I have betrayed the promises I made as a loving husband. To care for you, shield you from harm, to make you feel safe and secure and protected. I promised I would do all in my power to make you happy and fuck Serena I want to, but it's not in my control anymore. _

_Whatever this is, whatever the fuck has happened here, I can't control it, the power I have been given terrifies me, I don't know how best to use it- Albus believes I should just tell you everything, but how could I do that to you? Put that burden and knowledge of the future upon your tiny shoulders? Shatter your world and crush your beliefs? Not only would I destroy your innocence, but I'd be taking away the man you love so dearly- ripping him brutally from the world because he fucking asked me to; because I gave him my fucking word._

_Would you have the strength to survive this? I'm not sure, you have survived so much, fought so many battles, taken so much pain and agony, and yet this… my chest feels so tight when I think about you finding out. I'm not sure if even I have the strength to go through with my task and that thought scares me. I must, if we are to win this war, the game must be played, my piece must be moved, we must take down the King. _

_I think about the moment at night, when I can not sleep. Will I have the strength to raise my arm? To speak the curse? And to actually mean it? For a spell to work there must be real belief and intention within, every wizard knows that, and so what if I fail? Must I really feel that I want to kill him? To kill the man I do love, no matter his faults, who saved me, who gave me a second chance? Do I use hatred or love? Dumbledore always says love is the greatest weapon we have, but how can I kill him with love? For fuck's sake I don't know what to do. _

_I think sometimes, you know, I wonder, if it would be easier with you by my side. To know that you understand what I must do, that you understand what I have to sacrifice. You would give me so much strength babey. So much strength and support and confidence that I will need. _

_But would you though? _

_You never doubt my love in you, never, but I do not have the same heart. I trust you, darling, I really do, but there is only a limit to what you can take off me, surely? You never doubt my love, but I fear that one day you will realise what a monster I am. That you will realise how much better you can do, that there are others who can make you feel happy, who will treat you well and respect you and give you all that you want. _

_You want children? I can't give them to you. You want a happy, safe, family life? I can't promise these things. I can't promise anything about the future. I may not have one. _

_And so here is my fear: what if you stop loving me? If I tell you that I must be a murderer, that I must sacrifice this whole life, that I must kill someone you love and then abandon you too… there is no way you could love me. _

_Oh my angel I cry, I cry when I think of the pain I will cause you. I cry in fear when I think about you leaving me. I only hope I'll be strong enough to bare it when that time eventually comes. There are no others that I want, neither my gaze, nor my thoughts would ever flicker to another, because you are the centre of my life now. You are what I live for. You are why I keep breathing. You are the reason I must do this. If I succeed and this war is won, you can live in a free world, a safer world, a happier world without constant fear and repression. _

_I'm doing this for you babey, and that is why I can not tell you of this. I must be strong, I must protect you from harm. Perhaps in the long run, when I am gone and you are free, you will look back and realise why I made this decision. I am sorry of the pain, my beautiful. I am sorry I am not there to kiss away your tears. I am sorry for dragging you into my world, I do not know how or why I did it, how you snuck past my defences so subtly and elegantly. _

_I had locked everyone out, I vowed never to let love into my life again, never to look at another woman and dream, but you came and you accepted me and you nurtured this relationship so carefully and tenderly and I felt so fragile and strong at the same time and I fell in love with you. It was so instantaneous and yet slow- does that make sense? I think it will to you, you probably feel the same. Thank you, my little one, thank you for making me better, for holding me, for comforting me, for making me feel precious and needed and safe. Thank you for staying, thank you for each and every kiss, every little gaze with your perfect eyes, every smile, every musical laugh you sent my way. _

_It will be okay, little one. One day, it will be okay. _

Severus Snape shut his diary and cast his usual spells to vanish and conceal his precious book. He placed his quill gently on his desk and watched the salty tears drip off his long nose and onto the old wooden surface.

When the tears stopped he wiped his face with his sleeve, brushed his greasy hair back away from his face and stood up.

He walked over to his potions cupboard, picked out another bottle of brandy and sat down on the bottom most step to his lab, as usual. He unscrewed the cap, tilted his head, and drowned his sorrows.

Serena Snape sat curled up on the sofa in Spinner's End. She knew Severus was in his lab. She could sense his presence. She had sensed his presence there for two days. She had not seen him for three.

Ten days had passed since his behaviour had started and Serena's mind was going crazy. She felt mad and insane and confused and disorientated and terrified.

When she heard footsteps coming up from the basement she thought she was having one of her nightmares again, but no, it was real.

Her eyes ran up from his black boots, past his cloak and usual intimidating robes and up into his haunted face. He had not shaved for over a week, and the grey rough stubble made him look older and made the lines on his face appear sharper. His hair was getting long again and was so greasy it stuck slicked against his head. His eyes scared her. They were darker than she had ever seen them, but the fire and molten flames within were not there. His eyes looked dead. And not even he could hide the swelling around them, from tiredness or crying she did not know, but she guessed it was both.

He didn't look at her once as he glanced around the living room, as though surprised it was still there.

"Severus?" Serena said, her voice cracking with her fear. "Are you- is- how's the cure going?" she settled on finally, lowering her hands into her lap to hide the shaking.

"I'm not making much progress," he admitted in a dry voice, as though he had not talked to anyone in days. In all truth, he probably hadn't. "But there are a few more things I would like to try. If you'll excuse me…" he trailed off and stomped into the kitchen, his eyes glazing over her head as though she were merely an ornament in the room.

She let him go, taking the opportunity to shut her eyes and take several deep, calming breaths. She clenched her hands together and willed them to stop shaking; she did not want him to see her fear and weakness. When he stomped back in, five minutes later he carried a plate in one hand, she smelt food. Her gaze flickered to the rotting shepherd's pie still sitting on the coffee table, waiting for him. She knew he'd seen it; the stasis charm had lifted with his presence. He'd seen it and rejected it, and she refused to move it.

He froze mid stride next to her, his blank gaze on the ruined food.

"I made you dinner," Serena said matter-of-factly. "days ago… and I left it under a charm…and you saw it… approached it… and left it…"

There was a long dragging silence, both breaths were held and the tension in the room magnified.

When Serena spoke next her voice had lost its dullness. Like her hands, it shook with hurt and anger and desperation, and tears sparkled in her pained eyes.

"Do you really loathe me so much that you won't accept my food? Won't even pretend to eat it? _Pretend_? That's all I ask. If you're trying not to love me anymore, at least let me love you. At least let me pretend. If you reject me I will have nothing."

She took a deep gasping breath and wiped away her tears furiously. "I just need to pretend," she whispered finally, lifting her legs up and curling into a ball under her blanket.

When Severus finally moved, her eyes flickered onto the tips of his black boots. He moved slowly over to his armchair and sat down. She expected comfort and reassurance, kind words and utterances of amour, but instead she got a voice laced with hatred and poison.

"For fuck's sake Serena, stop being so weak!" he hissed. "I am trying to do my best for Albus, hence my concentration and attention has been elsewhere! For Merlin's sake girl, do you need babysitting? I forgot a meal, _a meal! _And now you think I don't love you?"

"I know you love me!" she insisted, and yet again he believed her, "I know you do, but something has changed, you won't even look at me!"

"This is childish," he muttered, standing up sharply. "and I don't think I'm fucking hungry anymore either." He reached out to put the plate on the coffee table, but Serena's hand shot out quickly and touched his own.

It was a brush of a fingertip, a mere whisp of contact, but Severus exploded


	148. Chapter 147

**Long, long overdue and a day late to what i promised you faithful reviewers. all i can say is thanks for sticking with me, i'm so so so sorry, i hope the next one will be a lot faster, and, well- enjoy 3 3**

"NO!" he roared, as he felt her skin, so warm and smooth, and forbidden. Serena watched as he stumbled back away from her, knocking over tables and piles of books in his hurry to flatten himself against the wall, his eyes burning with fury, his face wild and alive once more. He couldn't tear his gaze from hers as he wrenched out his wand and pointed it directly in between her eyes.

His hand was shaking violently and his breath was coming out in hisses and spits of fury as he stared at her with as much ferociousness as he could muster. Serena was not intimidated.

She flung herself out of the chair in an instant, drawing her wand and mirroring his action. "what the fucking hell is going on?" she snapped, staring deeply into the darkness of his eyes, her heartbeat thumping so fast it was unhealthy, and her head spinning from what she'd just felt. "What the fuck is going on, Severus!" she shouted, her eyes flashing dangerously. "I can feel it! I can feel what you feel, your emotions so strong- the hatred- the love- I don't understand-"

"you're not supposed to understand," he snarled, his knuckles whitening as his fists clenched tightly and he spoke in a low, firm voice, that almost- _almost_ hid his fear; "you're supposed to fucking accept, I'd have thought you'd have got the fucking message by now, is it really so difficult? I suppose it must be hard for you, you've never had anyone say this to you but _I don't want to be with you, Serena._ This is it, it's over, I've tried to do it slowly, get you used to it, maybe so you could make your own decision, but I've had enough. I'm sorry, you need to move out and we can get a divorce and-"

"That fucking bastard."

Severus' eyes snapped to hers wondering if he'd misheard the quiet but deadly muttering.

Serena's eyes were full of tears and her insides were clenched with pain and fear. Her bottom lip trembled as she looked up into her husband's hard face and mustered all her courage. "what's he done to you?" she said weakly, as the tears were spilled and her wand was slowly lowered. "what the fuck has he done to you? I'm- I'm- what- what- what- WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!" she screeched suddenly. "THIS ISN'T REAL! IT'S NOT TRUE, YOU'RE LYING AND-"

Severus' humourless laugh echoed hauntingly around the room and Serena's mouth dropped open in shock and disgust.

"You silly girl," he spat, "you think I have some ulterior motive? Well I don't, I am sick of you, fucking sick of you, I don't need you, I don't want you-"

"I CAN FEEL IT!" she screamed, "I can fucking feel it! YOU LOVE ME, SEVERUS SNAPE, YOU FUCKING LOVE ME-"

"WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT WHAT I FEEL!" he bellowed, sweeping forward and jamming the tip of his wand between her streaming eyes. "you always have to fucking interfere-"

"and you always have to play the puppet and the hero, well not this time! Not when it's ruining your life!"

"This is my life! _Mine!_"

"And I became part of it from the day we made love-"

"STOP KIDDING YOURSELF! STOP ROMANTICISING EVERYTHING!"

"I TELL IT HOW IT IS-"

"YOU'RE FUCKING DELUDED! I know what you envisage, I know your dreams, your little thoughts of children and a fucking cat and how happy we'll be, WELL IT'S NOT REAL. IT'S NOT HAPPENING-"

"Is this about what Molly said?" she blurted quietly. "Is that what this has been all about-"

Severus laughed and span away from her, pacing the small room and filling it with his cold laughter that made Serena shiver.

"So fucking naïve. Although now you've brought it up we shall talk about it- Did you really think we'd have a fucking _family?_ Were you really so stupid? _Are you? _You think we'd settle down and have little black haired babies running about the fucking place-"

"That's not what I said! I just imagined it would be something we could discuss after the fucking war! You think I don't know you already have enough on your fucking plate without thinking about a family?"

"You know nothing- NOTHING- about what's on my fucking plate Serena!"

"THEN FUCKING TELL ME!" she screeched.

The mirror missed Severus' head by mere inches. Serena screamed and cried as she destroyed the room and when her wand wasn't enough it, too, was thrown across the room as she used her bear hands to flip over the coffee table until Severus was behind her, pulling her against his chest and pinning her arms down.

"TELL ME!" she screamed as she fought against him, "TELL ME, TELL ME WHY YOU'RE DOING THIS OR I'LL SHOVE FUCKING VERITASERUM DOWN ALBUS' THROAT! I'M YOUR FUCKING WIFE SEVERUS! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!"

"WELL YOU FUCKING SHOULDN'T!"

She wrenched herself away from him and spun around, pummelling his chest with her fists, "YOU THINK I CAN FUCKING HELP IT! YOU THINK I LIKE BEING IN LOVE WITH A MAN WHO WON'T EVEN LOOK AT ME? WHO IGNORES ME FOR FUCKING AGES AND THEN HAS ONE PHYSICAL MOMENT TO GET HIS FUCKING ROCKS OFF-"

Serena's head snapped violently to the side with the force of his blow and she staggered backwards looking stunned as her hand lifted to her cheek and she tasted blood in her mouth. Her eyes darted wildly around, looking for another threat as her stance became defensive but when she saw it was only Severus she stilled and her eyes found his face.

He looked like a child, she thought, staring at his own shaking red hand as though he had not yet discovered it, had not yet seen it before as part of his own body. His eyes were wide and his mouth was open and his expression of confusion turned to understanding and then cold horror. He looked up at her and a small whimper emerged from deep in his throat like a wounded animal, a victim, rather than the predator.

Serena, slowly, turned her other cheek towards him.

"do it again."

"wh-wh-what?" he stuttered breathlessly, his whole body shaking now, just as hers was, the fear had gripped them both and neither knew which would be the first to fall.

"do it again," she repeated slightly louder."

"I- I- don't-"

"DO IT THE FUCK AGAIN!" she screamed, "that was the first voluntary touch you've given to me in so long. DO IT AGAIN! hit me! hit me damn it! hit me like I deserve-"

"NO!" he roared, "NO, fuck my love you never- have never- no one-" and he was rushing towards her and her knees buckled from the sight but his arms were there and he lifted her, from under the arms like a small child, up towards his chest. Her legs wrapped so tight around his waist and her hands clung to his back as she buried her head in his shoulder and wept.

Severus rocked them both back and forth as he moaned a long wolf-like sound of pain and despair. "I'm so sorry," he howled into her hair, "I'm so so sorry, my love… my love… I'm so sorry, I'm- I'm so- sorry, please, please- I'll do anything-"

Serena lifted her head and sniffed as she leant back to look into his wet broken eyes, "tell me," she whispered, watching as pain and fear and horror flickered across his face.

His trembling lips sucked in a gasp of air. "I can't," he whispered, "I can't- I don't- you'll hate me- I can't hurt you anymore, I can't-"

Serena struggled and slipped out of his grasp, stepping back from his embrace even though it pained her so much to do so. She looked up into his eyes, half of her face was an angry shade of red and she couldn't even see properly through her eye and all she wanted was the truth.

"be strong," she cried softly through her tears, "be strong, p-please, s- severus, please…"

Severus swallowed thickly and made another whimper as he looked into her brown eyes, so desperate for the truth. "You don't you can't- he's- he's FUCK!" he screamed suddenly, turning around and punching the wall again and again and again because he'd hurt her, he'd physically hurt the woman he loved- he was just like her Father, just like his father, just like them all and it was sick and wrong and she still loved him and she just wanted to _know_.

He stopped and turned, breathing heavily to find her watching him, her face full of fear and pain and his eyes lingered on her developing bruise and he wanted to hurt himself, to punish himself, he wanted her to rage and scream, to hit him, to curse him, anything…

And all she did was stand there and wait and he loved her and hated her all at the same time.

And eventually he stalked towards her, grabbing her wrist painfully tight. He expected her to flinch, to run, to think he was going to hit her again, but, as always, she was brave.

She felt that pull of apparition before she had time to take a breath and when they arrived she had no moment to steady her queasy stomach. It was all a rush, a daze, as he dragged her down a small country path towards a lone cottage. He hammered on the door, shouting and swearing and eventually kicking it open, and dragging her through to a room where Albus was sitting in a chair, calmly in front of a fire.

He dragged Serena upright, yanking on her hair roughly and making her face the old man who started when he saw Serena's face and closed eye.

"Severus did you-"

"No Albus," he cut across in a deep, threatening voice. "You did this to her. Now tell her everything. tell her or I will."

"We agreed-"

"TELL ME!" Serena screamed, still trying to wrestle from Severus' tight grip on her arms.

Albus' eyes were alert and shocked as he looked upon the raging couple looking so wild and tormented. Finally, he nodded, and Serena stilled.

"I am dying," he said eventually to Serena, his voice tired and solemn. He raised his cursed hand and twirled it through the air in front of his face. "The curse will kill me by the end of the year."

"no you're not," she sniffed sounding confused, "we just haven't found a cure yet, look, Severus has been spending hours and hours every single day trying to-"

"no I haven't," he said behind her in a dead voice.

Serena whipped around, "what do you mean no what are you saying- that- that you _want _Albus to die- that you've given up that-"

He grabbed her roughly by the shirt, anger pounding through his veins as he made her face the cowardly old man. "tell her the rest," he growled, "tell her what you made me do, what you're _making _me do-"

"Severus-"

"A VOW!" Severus shouted suddenly, making Serena jump. "He made me take a fucking vow- a vow to kill him! A vow to murder him! A vow so that poor fucking Draco Malfoy doesn't have to kill him, instead I do, and the Dark Lord is happy and I get to carry on with my fucking life as though nothing has fucking happened- WELL WHAT ABOUT ME ALBUS? WHAT ABOUT WHAT THIS WILL DO TO ME!"

"Is- is this true?" Serena whispered, turning to the old man who had tears running into his white beard.

"It is the only way my child," he said softly. "I am dying, the Dark Lord has ordered the Malfoy boy to kill me. If Severus does it then the boy's soul will be unharmed-"

"AND WHAT ABOUT HIS SOUL!" she screamed, flinging an arm back towards Severus. "DO YOU NOT THINK ABOUT WHAT IT WOULD DO TO HIM! TO SEVERUS WHO LOVES YOU LIKE A SON WOULD A FATHER! YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA-"

"you're not seeing the bigger picture-"

"I DON'T WANT TO SEE THE BIGGER FUCKING PICTURE! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE ALBUS, I CAN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT YOU'VE PUT ON HIS SHOULDERS!" tears began to stream down her face and she was trembling so much she could barely stand. She stepped back into Severus' chest and cried, shaking her head as she squinted out and watched the old man she loved.

"how could you make him do that?" she choked. "have you no heart, Albus?"


	149. Chapter 148

**Voila!**

"Have you no heart, Albus?"

Severus was stunned by her words. She loved him despite everything. Even now, when all this torment and destruction had been thrown upon her, her concern and anger lay towards Albus' ignorance of his soul. _His soul. _The thing that he didn't believe was worth a damn until he met her. Now his soul lived for her. Each gash and tear in its fabric was soothed by her presence and her love.

He turned her around and lifted her, once again, like a child under the arms, cradling her against his body. She wrapped her legs around his waist tightly and her arms joined around his neck as she pressed her bruised face into his shirt collar and cried hysterically. Severus rocked her back and forth for a moment, watching the old man watch them, his wrinkled face so old and broken with pain and regret.

Severus looked at him without pity. Dumbledore deserved this, to see what happened to those victims of his clever plans, to see someone he loved get hurt…

He shot him a disgusted look before he turned on the spot and apparated his love away.

They arrived at Grimmauld Place and as the front door shut behind them, Remus and Samuel emerged from the living room.

"what's going on, what's wrong with her?" Remus said quickly, hurrying towards them. When they saw her bruised and battered face they stopped and both hands flexed towards the wands in their pockets.

"did you hit her?" Remus said in a deliberately slow voice with anger just below the surface.

"get me some soothing potion, some warm water and two cloths and bring them up to our room," Severus replied in a threatening voice, turning towards the stairs.

In a split second both the wizards had their wands turned on him and he growled angrily, turning and pressing his own wand into Remus' throat as he used the other hand to support his broken wife. In the silence between them they could hear Serena's sobs and Samuel eventually lowered his wand, putting a calming hand on Remus' shoulder.

Remus did not lower his wand. "If I find out that you have put her in that state then I will hurt you so fucking bad you'll wish you'd never been born."

Severus ignored him, pushing past them both and carrying the small girl up the stairs slowly.

He silenced the room as usual and sat on the middle of the bed, his back against the wall and with Serena cradled in his lap, her hands still knotted tightly behind his neck and her chest pressed limply against his. He rocked her back and forth gently, his face buried in her hair, his breath tickling her ear as he hushed her and stroked her hair softly for long minutes until she began to calm.

"t-tell me it was a dream Severus," she whispered, rubbing her cheek against his shirt that was wet with her tears.

"I wish I could my love, I wish I could."

"Are you back with me Severus?" her tense voice, so taught with fear and hope made barely a sound against his neck and he had to strain to hear her. When he registered her words his gut clenched and pain shot through him fiercely as he cursed himself again and again for everything he'd done.

"I am," he whispered finally, kissing her temple tenderly and praying his voice did not break. "I'm so sorry I left you Serena."

"will you tell me why you did?"

He nodded against her and sighed slowly. "I owe you that much, my sweet."

At that moment there was a gentle knock on the door and Remus entered with a vial of potion, a bowl of water and two towels levitated in front of him. Severus cleared space with his wand on the bedside table and Remus set them down gently before turning warily to the girl cradled in Severus' arms.

"Serena?" he said quietly, reaching out uncertainly. Severus turned his wand on his warningly but Remus ignored him and touched her shoulder gently. She turned her face towards him and tried to smile.

"Serena, answer me this, don't be scared okay, but… did he hurt you?"

Severus held his breath but Serena shook her head. "Severus would never want to hurt me Remus."

"then what happened to your face?"

"A spell backfired on me, my own fault…."

Remus looked at Severus and then back to her. "Serena if he's threatened you, it's okay we can keep you safe from him-"

"a spell," she repeated before turning her gaze away from him and breathing in the safe smell of Severus deeply.

"you heard her wolf, now go."

"if you need to talk Serena…"

Remus shot Severus another warning glance before walking out and shutting the door behind him. Severus put his wards up immediately before turning back to Serena. "you shouldn't have to lie for me."

"I would do anything for you."

He swallowed the lump forming in his throat and ran a finger across her cheek gently. "I'm going to sort your face out for you, it should take the pain away…"

She nodded and he summoned a cloth and some soothing lotion, pouring a tiny bit onto the cloth and then turning to her. She shifted so that she was lying with her head against his shoulder, her bruised cheek exposed to him and he stroked her hair away and gently pressed the material over her cheek. She flinched but quickly relaxed under his touch as the potion took effect. As he soothed her pain he spoke in a quiet voice, glad that she couldn't see his face from her position.

"I never wanted to hurt you," he began in a quiet throaty voice. "I don't know what happened, Serena, I- one moment I was angry and the next I knew something was wrong and my hand hurt and your face- your beautiful, _beautiful_ face- I hurt you, fucking hell, I am so sorry. I will never _never_ hurt you again, my love, my beautiful Serena, I will never hit you, I will never cause you pain, physically, mentally, emotionally, I'm so so sorry-"

Severus stopped.

As pain and misery riled over him and guilt and self destruction ruled, he'd looked down into his love's eyes and frozen. Her eyes were blank, teary, and empty. Her bottom lip trembled in the silence and as the first sob erupted from her chest he understood: her mind, in trying to protect itself after all these years had switched itself off. How many times had she heard her father or mother say those words? How many times had her mind realised it was lies and words and scattered promises? And now as he spoke she heard _him_, she heard the bastard that had hurt her all those years ago, she heard her Father apologising and full of false regret once again.

She sobbed and sobbed as she tried to push herself away from him and in the space of a few seconds, Severus had the decision to let her distance herself, to curl in and protect herself as she had learnt, or to force her to listen to him- to force her to distinguish the difference between her lover and the other man, between now and then, the past and the horrible represent.

His hands closed over her wrists tightly and he pushed her back onto the bed, pressing his body firmly on top of hers and speaking soothingly and persistently as she struggled and cried against him. "Serena, my love, my beautiful angel, look at me, look at me babey, feel me, feel my body, who am I babey? Who am I? Look at me, my angel, Serena? Serena?" His face was so close to hers as she thrashed against him, but he was too strong and did not relent against her sobs and cries of fear and pain, and she was shouting and screaming and remembering things he did not want her to remember, but it was his only hope and still he tried, murmuring to her and gazing into her eyes, begging her to look at him, for then she would know the truth.

"Serena, Serena, my darling, my babe, look at me, look into my eyes please… please… my little one?"

Her eyes flickered with recognition and as she looked into his black orbs she stilled beneath his body and he froze, unsure if any movement would scare her.

Her eyes followed every line of his face, darting back and to between his eyes as she saw him, really saw him. And then she began to cry.

He kissed her, it was all he could do, there were no words for how he felt- just his lips pushing against hers, warm and moist and sorry and she accepted him, moving back against him as though it was new and familiar all at once, a kiss of forgiveness and fright and insecurity, of longing and being reunited, of love and joy, of guilt and sadness, and as tears fell from Severus' cheeks, dripping onto Serena's they gently parted.

"My Severus," Serena whispered, looking up into his tear filled eyes, blazing with determination and defiance, asking her not to think less of him, asking her to listen, to forgive him, to hate him, to love him all at once. She pulled him down towards her, wrapping her body around him and cradling him in her arms.

"I'm sorry," he gasped against her shoulder. "Oh Serena, I'm so so sorry, oh my babey, I'm so sorry."

"I know, she whispered in a voice full of pain, "I know you are Severus, I know, it's okay, it wasn't your fault, it wasn't fair on you, none of this is fair, it's not right, it's never right, we're going to be okay. I promise."

She held him as he cried and she clung to him as tears of pain and fear escaped her too. Albus had broken her strong man, pushed him too far, and asked of him too much. He would pay for this, she decided; he would pay for hurting her love so badly.

She felt desperate lips seek the bare skin of her neck and his touch was like fire, sparking alight her passion and clawing at the depths of need within her. She _needed_ him. She needed Severus, needed him to be a husband to her, to reinstate his position, to reaffirm their love and by God he needed it too.

His lips found her face and he greedily consumed it, kissing so fiercely and pressing her lips passionately against hers. They worked together in a furious dance, pulling off clothes whilst refusing to part their lips. Serena's body was trembling with desire as Severus' body surrounded her and he gazed so intensely into her eyes before sinking deep within her tight heat.

They moaned softly in unison, remembering the feel of each other so perfectly. Her hands clenched his bum, holding him in place for a few moments longer, memorising the first moments of their joining forever.

When he began to move their mouths dropped open from pure amazement.

"It's perfect," Serena breathed, her eyes locking into his with wonder. "It's so so perfect."

He growled and kissed her hard, thrusting into her firmly and quickly, working to reach her peak, driving her higher and higher, pushing her and pushing her until her legs tightened around him and she bit down on his shoulder with stifled moans of pleasure vibrating against his skin.

Sweaty and breathless, she looked up at him, wonder and love radiating from her naked body.

"I love you, Severus," she sighed in amazement. "I love you so much."

He smiled- the first smile she had seen in ages, and she smiled back and clenched her inner muscles around him suggestively. He needed no other encouragement. He pounded into her body, sweat dripping off him, his face was full of concentration and pleasure and pain and when he finally tipped his head back, a silent roar of pleasure visible on his ecstatic face, Serena came with him.


	150. Chapter 149

**To my amazing faithful readers. i can only apologise once more, thank you for your amazing support, and promise to upload another chapter in the next two weeks. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**

She was sleeping.

They had held each other and kissed and touched and joined and soared in that beautiful crescendo, and now she was sleeping, with- just a little magical help- from a smooth and silent spell from the thin stretched lips of Severus Snape.

And as tears clung to her face, with his mark on her cheek and his seed drying on her thighs, her husband could barely look at her.

He didn't know what to do. He felt so guilty and angry and dirty. He had abused and tortured her; physically; mentally; emotionally, and then a few words and half a truth and he felt he had the right to lay a finger- more than a finger on her, and she was so submissive to him now, so completely _his_ that he knew he could do anything and she would let him, just as she had turned her other cheek towards him in acceptance.

His fingertips lingered on her bruised cheek, gently testing the swollen skin, the result of his shock and fright. They traced the shell of her ear, feeling the smoothness of her earlobe and wondering why he had never paid attention to that small yet beautifully smooth part of her before, they moved lower, ghosting the thin skin of her elegant neck, and skimming down across her collar bone to her relaxed shoulders, pausing to trace the scar of Bellatrix's making, tainting her perfect skin forever. And then he moved lower, down her arms, caressing each finger and back up, over her thin wrists-much too thin- and back up, across her shoulders and down her chest, giving each breast a gentle caress, circling both nipples ever so lightly, before moving down once more, until he reached the gashes across her flat tanned stomach, the scars she had procured on one of the scariest days of his life. And his fingertips, trembling slightly, touched the raised uneven skin and paused.

For this too was his making. Anyone still alive and fighting for the dark was his responsibility. He had vowed to work for the light, vowed to protect his love and he had failed.

He was torn, split and struggling with his heart and his conscience, for he should never let her out of his sight again, not after the past week, not after how much she'd been hurt, how much she loves him, how much he needs her, but at the same time, his eyes flickered to the bruise on her cheek and he knew he had hurt her, caused her so much physical and mental pain that he should not be allowed anywhere near her but he knew she would not cope with that. She needed him as much as he needed her, there was no way they could be apart again, no way on this earth- she was why he fought! Every battle, every summons, every death, every struggle was for her! For her freedom, her happiness, her protection.

And by God he would protect her.

He stood carefully from the bed and threw the duvet over her naked body, before slipping into his own jeans and a clean black t-shirt from the wardrobe. His robe was donned, but left open: he was sweating. He put on his socks and leather boots and then stilled.

He ran a trembling hand through his greasy hair that had gotten way too long again and went to the window. Looking down onto the small garden of their house, and then into their neighbours, he felt unease.

In a split second his wand was out and new defence spells- some of his own creation- were set. His cloak billowed as he slashed and chanted, concentration and determination for protection filling his mind, and suddenly there was silence.

He felt better.

These new inventions were undone by only him, even the dark wards of the house could not interfere, he was certain. He checked the entire room twice for signs of surveillance devices or muggle contraptions yet found nothing. When he was sure she was safe, he slipped out and warded the door securely behind him.

He glided down the stairs quickly, his cloak billowing behind him, his footsteps silent and deadly, his wand was clenched and his senses were on full alert. He reached the hallway, but instead of descending to the kitchen he slipped through the dark passage to the back of the house, and opened the barely used door to the garden. His wand slashed a path through the neglected long grass and he strode purposefully to the centre. Once again, his wand was raised and in under a minute there were more cloaking and secrecy spells on their window than had even been registered with the Ministry. He nodded to himself grimly and marched back into the house. She was safer now.

He slipped back towards the hall and contemplated his actions. He had potions to deliver to the Dark Lord in an hour but he could barely think about going there now. He was residing at Lucius' manor, and no doubt the whole family would be there during the summer and he would no doubt be expected to stay for a drink and leaving Serena for that amount of time was not an option. Leaving Serena for _any_ amount of time was not an option.

"Snape."

Severus gritted his teeth and slowly turned towards the kitchen stairs.

"Lupin," he said curtly.

"We want a word."

"_we?_" he sneered, drawing his robes around himself and gripping his wand through them.

"Yes, we," Remus said tightly. "Kitchen please. Now."

Severus internally rolled his eyes. This was going to be one of those 'fight the nasty man' talks of bravery he knew it. And Serena had been alone for five minutes now. So much could happen in five minutes. He tuned into the magic of their rings, his wards and her necklace and determined that she was still asleep.

He inclined his head curtly to Lupin. "After you."

"No, after you," Lupin said firmly. "I insist."

Severus weighed up the chances of Lupin cursing a turned back and decided it was worth the risk. He strode past him quickly and moved down the steps in a fluid movement, and walked into the middle of the kitchen.

He had never seen so many disapproving faces in his life. He raised his eyebrows as Lupin shut the door behind him.

"Well, well," Severus remarked in a bored voice. "to what do I owe the pleasure of this little gathering?"

"You bastard."

"Lupin I had the impression I was starting to grow on you, what changed?"

"You changed when you hit your fucking wife-"

"You clearly heard Serena say that I did not-"

"You've warped that girls mind!" came a screech of anger from the table.

He rolled his eyes and looked down at Molly whose eyes were blazing with fury.

"Molly-"

"No Severus Snape! I won't have this anymore! Of course she's denying it, she's probably terrified of you! We've seen the change in her these past two weeks, she's not been eating, she's been drinking heavily, she's been unhappy, downright miserable-"

"Molly has reason Severus," Samuel said deeply from the back of the room. He looked uncomfortable in the situation but spoke wisely, as Kingsley would have done. "Serena has been miserable. Every time she talked about you there were tears in her eyes. There comes a point where marriages stop working and clearly-"

"Because you'd know all about that wouldn't you,: Severus snarled, "Look at you all, standing there and judging me, for fucks sake you're disgraceful-"

"Serena is like a daughter to us," Arthur said calmly. "We only want to do what's right by her."

"And have you asked her how she feels? Or are you planning another little meeting when I'm not here- are you even going to give her a chance to make her own decision or are you planning on cramming her head full of this trash. She won't listen to you, she'd never listen to this bullshit-"

"YOU HIT HER YOU BASTARD!" Remus roared, his fists clenched. "Do you not think she's suffered enough fucking pain and torture and has been damaged enough? Tell us why you did it then? Is it because she told you she stopped loving you- did she try to leave you is that it?"

"I am warning you now _wolf_ you had better stop talking or-"

"Or what!" he shouted, "Going to do the same to me as you did to her are you. Well I tell you this Snape- there's a room full of people here who have no problem with cursing a woman beater-"

"How dare you," Severus growled quietly, his temper finally boiling over. "How fucking dare you. Look at you all you naïve little puppets, what the fuck do you know about my marriage? What the fuck do you know about _me?_ I don't have to prove myself to any of you but if Serena wants me to then by God I'll do it. Serena loves me," he hissed. "And she doesn't even know the extent of my love for her-"

"And you think that gives you the right to beat her, do you-"

"Oh wolf you are trying my patience-"

"Then show us your temper like you showed her-"

"You fucking pathetic little man. She is your best friend and this is how you treat her- after everything she did for you, everything she'd donw when your lapdog got himself killed and-" Severus paused and clenched his fists suddenly.

"Serena is waking," he said tensely. "This discussion is over."

He strode towards the door just as Remus swept in front of it. "It damn well is not," he growled fiercely.

Severus' wand jammed into his throat and within a second he felt ten more pointing at his back. "Get out of my fucking way, my wife is in distress and should not be waking up alone-"

"She shouldn't be waking up with you either you dirty-"

The bang hurt even his own ears as the people close to him slumped to the floor, unconscious for just a few seconds. He strode through the thick black smoke and slammed the kitchen door behind him. He was back in their room surrounded by protection in a matter of moments.

She was just stirring and he was at her side in a whisper, his arms cradled around her, stroking her hair softly and his lips on her forehead, trying to ignore her purple cheek. She froze for a few seconds and then relaxed, just as she had done after her ordeal with Moody, scared she would wake up in the same situation, tied down… helpless.

"Severus," she murmured softly, her eyes still closed.

"Serena," he whispered against her ear, his own eyes falling shut.

Her small fists scrunched his cloak between them, and she inhaled his smell deeply before wrapping her legs around him tightly and allowing herself to be cradled safely by his strong arms.

They stayed like that for long moments until Serena finally opened her eyes. "Severus?"

"Yes my love?"

"I need the bathroom."

He kissed her head and slowly sat up before taking one of his shirts out of the wardrobe and a pair of her shorts, he didn't fail to notice her look of panic when he moved away from her, and he made sure to keep eye contact with her as much as possible. He returned to her quickly and she sat up, holding the duvet to cover herself. She looked down at the floor and bit her lip, but his hand was there- brushing the hair away from her face and cupping her chin, tilting her head to look into his eyes. She blushed and he gave a small smile, before using his other hand to slowly draw back the blanket, revealing her naked body.

He gazed only into her eyes as he kissed her lips tenderly and then drew his shirt around her, even buttoning it up carefully. He helped her off the bed and she slipped into the shorts silently. His fingers brushed her own trembling ones and he gave a small questioning frown.

She looked away again, seemingly embarrassed. "would you- could you- I mean, maybe come with me…"

He smiled and pulled her against his chest, kissing her head and letting his eyes fall shut.

"I'll go with you anywhere Serena."

She smiled and he took her hand, double checking there was no one outside the door before he guided her onto the hallway and into the bathroom. He stood next to her, his hand in her hair as she sat on the toilet and they both listened to the sound of her urinating.

She wiped herself silently and flushed and had just finished washing her hands when tears began silently rolling down her cheeks.

"Don't," Severus whispered, bringing his arms around her securely. "Don't, please, there is no need. You've had a shock, you've been subjected to such misery that you should never have been and it's my fault but I understand how you feel, it's okay. If you hadn't have asked I'd have come with you anyway. I don't want to let you out of my sight."

She sniffed and nodded, before taking a deep calming breath. "We have a lot to talk about," she murmured.

"We do. If it's okay with you I'd like us to go to Spinner's End. I would feel safer there."

"Of course."

They went back to their room and Severus packed their small bag, clearing away the clothes they had arrived in and putting them to the back of the wardrobe along with the memories.

"Are you okay to apparate?"

"Can we do side-along?" she suggested, but the tone in her voice was desperate.

"No problem," he smiled encouragingly and a small smile echoed back. He leant down and kissed her lips softly. "come."

She took his hand and he led her slowly and quietly down the stairs. They had just reached the hallway when he emerged from the shadows of the kitchen stairs, many eyes and ears peering from behind him.

"Serena."

Severus whipped around in a flurry of robes and anger and his wand was pointing straight at the old man's forehead in under a second. His body shielded Serena, an arm flung back to stop her from moving and he hissed with anger at his nerve, how dare he come here, how dare he show his face so soon afterwards, how dare he even speak to Serena!

"How dare you," he hissed viciously, moving them both backwards, inching towards the door and the apparition point. Serena was clinging his cloak and he could feel her trembling against her.

"I just want to talk with you both," Albus said, his voice not as steady as usual. His eyes were watery, his face looked pained and old and fragile. His blackened hand was clasped within his healthy wand and his gaze was locked upon what he could see of Serena.

"Serena needs rest not harassment. Leave us be or I might fulfil some promises a little bit earlier than we discussed."

"Severus-"

"Sev-Severus- please." He froze at the sound of her timid but determined voice. "I want to go."

"You heard her," Severus growled, shifting them further towards the door, his wand still threatening Albus. "She'll come to you if she's ready," he hissed. "If."

His hand grasped her tighter, warning her to breathe as he glared into Albus' eyes and span them back to safety. They arrived straight into the living room and Severus blocked the floo immediately.

His shoulders relaxed once he knew they were safe and he held her against him and kissed her forehead. "you are mine Serena," he murmured, "and I'm not going to let anything or anyone hurt you ever again."

"I trust you," she whispered, "with my life."


	151. Chapter 150

**This chapter is for my dearesssst readers and reviewers: you are amazing. thank you all for your support- hope you think this one's alright- lot of talking but, well, after everything that's happened, they er do have quite a lot to discuss... **

* * *

He was sitting in his chair, his usual chair, his chair where he could think, where he had space, and comfort, where he solved problems, planned battles, dreamt dreams…

She was cradled in his arms, _his _arms, the ones she loved, the arms in which she found comfort, sought strength, was protected and safe and truly, truly _loved. _

"when did it start?" her voice, so timid, barely a whisper, a flutter of a birds fragile wing… "when did he ask you?"

Severus' voice was tired and old, but he answered her truthfully- he would answer anything now- he owed her that much. "The very night he returned cursed from that fucking ring… he knew, I knew, we both knew he was dying, a curse like that manifests itself deep within one's bones, it's dark magic, very dark magic… I have tried to contain it inside his hand, but he has no more than a year to live… it will spread eventually… he will lose control of his body, he'll be in pain, he'll-"

"stop, please," she muttered swiftly, her eyes wincing with discomfort. "I can't bear to think about it."

Serena buried her head deeper into Severus' neck and he kissed her ear lightly.

"Why did you agree?"

Severus looked down at her hidden face and tried to brush her hair away from her eyes, to get a glimpse of her feelings.

"Serena-"

"Severus, please, I'm trying to understand here…"

He sighed and pulled her- if it was possible- even closer to him. "I took my time, I thought it through… he was going to die, and killing him was the more humane thing to do… for Albus it's a game, it's always been a game, I am his pawn, I have sworn to help him with this war, I am sworn to his cause… his death if seemingly caused by my own hands, would strengthen my position in the Dark Lord's inner circle unbelievably… my loyalty would never again be questioned… and, Draco's soul would, for the time being, be… more whole…

"and your soul, Severus? Yours?" It was then that she turned to look at him, her eyes brimming with tears of pain. "When you come back from those revels, when you return from- from death and pain and killing, I see it in your eyes- I see your pain, I see your fear, I see that beautiful light within you get a little dimmer. Your eyes betray you, Severus… and it breaks my heart," her voice cracked and tears spilled down her cheeks, but still she did not break her gaze from his bottomless dark eyes.

"you once told me that your soul was mine, mine to do with as I pleased. And I took it, and I placed it next to my own, in here," she whispered, touching her heart with a shaking fist. "and I promised myself I would do all in my power to protect it, to nurture it, to let it shine without fear of breaking. You're already damaged, my love, let us not go beyond repair… you must not kill him..."

Severus' eyes burnt into hers, full of fire and love and fury, all that hate and passion crammed into one simple man, pent up and hidden, sometimes by choice, sometimes by necessity… He looked away from her. Serena choked on a sob.

"Severus, you can't-"

"and just what do you propose I do, Serena?" his voice was not sharp or angry, it sounded resigned, defeated, tired.

"Well you take back your promise, tell him it was a mistake, he must be mad to ask this from you! He goes too far-"

"and Malfoy? He is but a child-"

"then someone else- anyone- make it look like an accident- a suicide- a-"

"you're being-"

"then I'll do it!" she pleaded finally, desperation in her voice.

Severus snorted with disgust. "If you ever think I would let you be so stupid Serena-"

"why you and not me then? You think your soul isn't-"

"this is not about _souls_ as you so believe," he sneered, although it came out much softer than he wanted. "this is about _you_. How old were you when you saw your parents kill those innocent people?"

Serena gaped for a moment and pain flashed across her face. "I…"

"I do not want you to become like them. I want you to pass on from this life how you are exactly now. Pure, white, innocent-"

"I am far from innocent-"

"but your soul is whole," he insisted, gently cupping the back of her head and gazing at her intensely. "you soul is whole," he repeated softly, kissing away the tear that rolled down her cheek.

"I never wanted this to happen," he sighed, and the sadness in his voice was overwhelming. "I never wanted to hurt you, and by Merlin Serena I know how badly I hurt you… When I agreed to this- this _plan_, I made him promise not to tell you. It was my only request- that you didn't know.. I told myself I would tell you when I was ready, but I'm not sure that I ever would be ready…"

She stroked his hair, as greasy as it was, tenderly away from his face. "so brave," she whispered, her eyes full of love. She pressed her forehead gently against his and looked into the darkness that had become his eyes.

"It was not bravery," he muttered, shutting his eyes. "It was cowardice, it was stupidity-"

"you-"

"I could have lost you, Serena!" He gripped her by the shoulders and pushed her back so she could see his face twisted in torment. "I could have lost you," he hissed with anger, directed at himself. "I convinced myself it was for the best, I was sure, so sure you would thank me for it eventually. I have been waiting ever since our joining for you to realise what I am! What I am in comparison to all the others surrounding you! If only you'd open your eyes," he pleaded desperately.

"that's why you've… that's why…" Serena trailed off and looked at him so sadly, her teeth raking her bottom lip. She paused for a split second before pulling him roughly into a kiss, her hands grazing the stubble on his cheeks. Her lips were firm, demanding a kiss, demanding one like it was air. And he gave in, his lips parted and his response was so desperate and brutal, begging her to kiss him, begging her to forgive him, to love him, to help him out of this mess.

When she moaned softly he pulled back, and panting slightly, looked deeply into her eyes, his voice hoarse, "I love you, Serena Snape. I'm never going to hurt you again."

"I forgive you Severus, I forgive you, it's okay my babe. I love you."

Severus seemed to crumple with relief and she took his face in her hands and kissed him softly.

"I don't care what you do to me, I'm not going to leave you… you should have known, Severus. You should have known better."

"I was wrong, so so wrong… I… fuck it terrified me, Serena. I thought that any minute you would leave me, I tried so hard to be cold, to be unmoved, but there were times when I so nearly gave in… I can't bear to see you like this. You're so thin, Serena, you look like you did when…" Severus trailed off and Serena looked down into his lap, looking ashamed.

"I couldn't eat… I couldn't' sleep… how could I when you were so blatantly punishing yourself for something. There were times when I thought that I had done something, times when I thought it was stress, the pressure to find a cure for Albus, or even maybe you had stopped wanting me… That time when I found you in the kitchen… and you said things and Severus I'm so sorry I jumped to that conclusion- I trust-"

"No, Serena, my love, please… I would have thought exactly the same as you did, I was angry at you because I had to be, I thought maybe I could use it against you… I'm sorry, my love, I'm so sorry, I… fuck I could have killed you… you have no idea how close you were to losing your magic that night… with a normal person it's dangerous- but with your elemental magic as well it was lethal. I arrived just in time, and it was only because Samuel found me, I… I would never have known… you could have died… And then so soon after when I found you sleeping…you looked so warm, so peaceful, so beautiful… I just _needed _you, and I was such a fucking bastard-"

"I am yours, Severus," she said simply. "I am yours to take when you need."

"Dear God woman, do you know what you're saying-"

"Of course I do, you are _mine _Severus and I am yours. You will always have me, I will give you what you need and take from you what I need. We will get through this together."

Severus sighed heavily and shut his eyes. "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you… I didn't want you to be hurt anymore- I didn't want you to have to deal with this- to- I- I was so scared," he whispered. "so scared in case... well… in case you stopped loving me…"

"I will never stop loving you, you fool," she whispered.

His eyes sparkled with moisture and he swallowed hard. "I know that now."


	152. Chapter 151

**A/N: Dear my faithful, amazing, awesome-filled, loyal and beloved readers.**

**I'm incredibly sorry, i seem to be saying that a lot. All i can say is life is great and rubbish at the same time and it's so difficult to find and space in my life for a hobby i love so much- this story. it will be completed, i'm not going to rush it, you don't deserve a crap ending, and i planned the real ending when i wrote the beginning. yes, i know what will happen and no, i won't spoil :p as for the irregular uploads- i can only hope i will get better at giving you the chapters you deserve, and can only suggest you subscribe to me so you get the alert as soon as it goes up. so once again with my giant apologies, i can introduce-a new chapter- ta dahhhhh xxxxxxxxx**

She didn't know what made her do it. Why she felt she needed it so desperately. Why taking the risk was so important, why it was the only way she could get through this- this slow, agonising realisation. He was just downstairs- just gone to prepare breakfast- he'd promised he would be back in five minutes, being apart was so difficult at the moment and she didn't even know why. He could return at any second. His deadly footsteps were always silent in this house. He knew every creak, every giveaway noise; the strides of a spy were never heard unless he wanted them to be. Around Hogwarts he made use of slithering about and not being heard. Yet other times he preferred to hear the controlled, daunting footsteps resonating from his intimidating black leather boots. She would never know if he was coming up the stairs, but she had to do it now- there would be no other opportunity!

She slid across the room, wrapped in his black cloak, and knelt down in front of the large wooden chest of drawers. The bottom one slid open without a sound and she riffled around, undoing the few subtle cloaking charms that hid the bottle from unsuspecting eyes- and why would he suspect anything in his own house? The place was covered in enough curses and protective enchantments that it would be difficult to notice anything as subtle and unimportant as her charms. He would never suspect her of hiding anything from him- not anymore… she swallowed her feeling of guilt along with the gulp of the shining liquid, before stashing the bottle quickly to the back, reinstating the charms, shutting the drawer and crawling back into bed.

A quick fresh-breath charm erased any evidence. And, for the first time in fucking ages she felt better.

Three days had passed since the confrontation in Albus' living room and Serena, under both her will and Severus' strict commands, had not left the house. Severus had left just once- in the dead of night to deliver some potions to the Dark Lord, and Serena had been none the wiser.

She sat, wrapped in her husband's cloak on their bed, listening to the sound of her own breathing.

"you must try for me Serena, okay?" his voice so soft and silky floated from up the stairs, followed Severus himself, clad in black jeans and a white shirt, tucked in, of course, but open at the neck, at Serena's request.

"I always try," she countered quietly, gazing wearily at the plain toast and scrambled eggs he'd brought.

The look he shot her was one of annoyance and sadness. Serena caught sight of his face and sighed, shaking her head and pulling him towards her. He sat against the headboard and she wriggled herself against his chest, letting out a long breath when she felt safeness and security wash over her once again. She looked down at her breakfast and nodded. She was almost feeling hungry. She didn't feel scared. She didn't feel so anxious. She didn't need to clutch her wand or cower into Severus' arms. Was she getting better? Or was it just a certain potion taking effect? Her first bite of toast tasted good. She chewed slowly and carefully whilst her eyes explored the lines on the back of Severus' right hand. "It tastes… nice," she smiled, turning her head to look up into his proud eyes.

He kissed her temple gently and rested his chin against her hair.

"you put something on it, didn't you?" she asked without looking at him.

Severus sighed, "I knew nothing would escape you. It's a simple multivitamin potion, you're malnourished Serena, you're too thin, you need it."

Serena was silent but she took another bite and wrapped her hand around his, squeezing gently. She knew she was thin, she was trying, she really was trying. She didn't want to be like this, she used to love food! She used to be so confident about her appearance, she didn't care- she had a man that wouldn't care about scars or stretch marks. But would he care about pale skin and visible bones?

"I love you," she said quickly, still looking down into her breakfast.

"I know," he murmured. "I know, and you know as well."

She nodded determinedly. "of course I know, how could I not know… after everything that's happened, everything we've been through…"

She put down the remaining half a piece of toast and scooped up some scrambled eggs. She had digested a piece of toast and two spoonfuls of eggs before she pushed the plate away from her.

"Serena-"

"Severus, if I eat another mouthful I will be sick, and all that I just ate will be a waste, like all day yesterday." Her voice was quick and to the point, but he heard how hurt and scared she was inside.

He sent the plate away with a wave of his hand and shifted onto his side, pulling Serena to lie down next to him. He leant on his elbow and looked down at her.

"You're going to get better. When you don't eat for long periods of time, your stomach shrinks, you keep trying, and little by little it gets back to normal. It's not easy, but frankly, we've been through a lot worse."

She smiled a small smile. "yes. and we've got through it all."

"we have indeed."

"Have there been attempts on the floo today?" she asked.

"yes, three already, the first at half past six, and one every hour since. All from Grimmauld Place."

"It's Remus… I need to see him."

Severus looked down at her with a frown. "are you sure?"

"he's my best friend, Severus-"

"well he's not acted like one-"

"yes he has… god he must be worried out of his mind…"

"Well you did write to him-"

"yes and I told him I needed space and didn't want to see anyone- he probably thinks _you _wrote it…"

Severus sneered but Serena placed a soft finger on his lips.

"Can I ask him over? Will you go and get him? Bring him here later?"

Severus thought hard about what she was asking and then nodded. At least this way he would not leave her alone for more than a few minutes, and he could be here the whole time Lupin was, to protect her in case anything should happen.

"fine. That is an agreeable plan. Say in an hour?"

"Yes, thank you my love."

He grunted and kissed her lips tenderly. "Shower?"

"mm," she smiled, following him into the bathroom.

She didn't know how it had happened, but they had started doing everything together. There were never more than ten minutes when they were apart and she knew he didn't want there to be. He had never taken protecting her more seriously, and she found that for the moment, she certainly didn't mind one bit. Yes, she had been through physical traumas, yes she had seen things, done things, been forced into things she couldn't even think about, but she had always been safe in her little circle of life. Safe with Severus, with Remus, with Albus. And then he had betrayed her, had tricked them all from the inside, ruined their bond of trust and security. And now she was terrified by the realisation of what it all meant, that-

Severus' hands grazed her shoulders and pulled the black cloak away from her, exposing her thin, yet beautiful naked body. His eyes glazed hungrily over her breasts, her stomach, and the small strip of hair just visible between her closed legs. He ran a hand through her short hair. "you are beautiful, my love."

She smiled and he kissed her before turning to test the temperature of the shower.

"it's fine," he said, nodding her inside. She stepped in and turned the temperature up a bit before wetting her body and her hair. When she peered out, Severus was using the toilet. She looked away and then back again. She wasn't sure if he knew she was watching him, but he didn't look around. When he had finished, she turned back to her shower and started to shampoo her hair, just rinsing it out when Severus joined her, his strong arms snaking around her waist.

They washed and dried each other with care and intimacy, and then stepped into the bedroom to find some clothes. Severus had gone for the usual black robes and trousers, considering he would be seeing more than just Serena today and he wanted to appear threatening. Serena picked out some jeans and a baggy jumper- something which Severus noticed.

He gave her an encouraging smile and she smiled back, feeling- thanks to her potion- more confident than anxious. They had agreed a few generic answers to questions Remus would inevitably ask and Severus had stated that he would be in his lab with both connecting doors open the whole time.

Serena was sitting on the couch, clutching a mug of hot chocolate when Severus stepped through the floo to Headquarters. She did not know what happened in Grimmauld Place, but eight minutes later, and angry looking Remus stepped through, followed by a snarling Severus. Remus ignored him and rushed to Serena's side as she stood and hugged him fiercely. She saw Severus glaring at them and then he disappeared down the steps to his potions lab and they were seemingly left alone.

"Oh Remus, I've missed you so much," she whispered, breathing in the smell of his hair deeply.

He held her tighter still and buried his face into her neck. "Serena love, I thought- I tried- I've been trying to see you- I've written- I-"

"I'm sorry," she sniffed. "I needed time."

He finally withdrew and she saw his bloodshot eyes and worn face.

When she saw he was going to start asking questions she gestured to the sofa behind her and they sat down. "I made you a hot chocolate," she said, trying to smile. She sipped hers and he held his politely, whilst his eyes bore deep into hers with hundreds of questions and feelings too overwhelming to absorb at once.

Remus turned and regarded the open door to the cellar. He moved closer to Serena and spoke quietly into her ear. "can he hear every word?"

She shrugged, "Probably."

He whispered this time. "come with me, he didn't seal the floo network, we can get back to Grimmauld and keep you safe- you never have to see him again if-"

"What- No! Remus, you don't, you've got the wrong end of the wand, completely… I'm not… I'm not leaving Severus-"

"you don't have to be scared anymore!"

"I'm not scared of Severus!" she cried, and they both heard an answering growl from downstairs. She grimaced and sighed, leaning back into the sofa. "I owe you a very big explanation. I will try to tell you as much as I can… you're my best friend, I tell you everything, I love you Remus-and-" she closed her eyes at the sound of a cauldron clattering against the floor and tried to continue, "- and I hate to keep things from you, it's not right. But this isn't my story to tell, it's not anyone's…"

"Just… tell me what you can."

"okay… okay…"

"Well… Severus has been trying to find this cure for Albus… you know all that already… and that's why he was so stressed and I was, and it was difficult to even think about our relationship at that time, which is why it was rocky for a short while-"

"rocky?" Remus repeated with raised eyebrows. "rocky? Serena, he treated you like shit and then he went and fucking cheating on-"

"no, Remus I told you! I told you he didn't-"

"You told me he didn't hit you either," he snapped, his eyes lingering on the yellow haze that now resembled her bruise.

"he didn't," she said in a dark tone.

Remus buried his head in his hands. "I can tell you're lying Serena, I've known you for years-"

"Remus-"

"no, let me finish, I've known you for years, I've seen what you've been through, I've seen and heard what fucking awful things have been done to you Serena, with Crouch and Bellatrix and others and I won't see another person hurt you like this! Your own husband! Your husband and he's beating you! Abusing you! Treating you like they treated you-"

"Remus please!" she begged as tears poured down her cheeks. "Please…"

He pulled her towards him and she buried her face in his chest, sobbing into his cardigan and clutching him with all her strength. "I can't- I can't take anymore, Remus- I can't, I can't!"

"Shh, love, shh, it's okay, I'll make sure you're safe… I'll get you out of here…"

She struggled away from him and shook her head, wiping her tears on her sleeve. "no," she breathed, "not away, you still don't understand… the- the person that kept me strong through everything, the reason- the main reason I am still here and not locked up in the mental ward in St Mungos is because of Severus. If it wasn't for him, I would be dead, and worse I would be unhappy all the time. He makes me so so happy. You will never understand how I love him, Remus. Never. When he is in the room, all I can do is look at him, I can't concentrate on other things, they become an effort, all I want to do is admire his beauty and absorb the face of love. He is mine and I am his and nothing will change that. Maybe it's not the most healthy of relationships, but you know better than I that it doesn't matter…"

"you can't compare-"

"no, I can't… but… you must understand. Severus loves me with all his heart, all his being, every single ounce of strength in his body is for me. He will make me happy, he will pick me up when I get chucked down, he will never leave me, he will never hurt me, he will protect me better than you, or Albus, or the whole Order ever could. Nothing will separate us, I need you to at least accept that…"

Remus stood and went over to the fireplace, gazing in the mirror above it and seeing his own sad eyes staring back.

"What happened with Albus?" his voice was tired and old and even Serena was surprised by it.

"We… had a disagreement about Severus' spy duties… Albus asks more and more of him, it destroys him every time he has to walk into that place, to pretend to be someone else, to do things you can't even imagine…"

"It looked more than a slight disagreement, Serena."

"It was. I take Severus' life very fucking seriously, Albus would do well to remember that he is not a pawn, but a person."

Remus swallowed and finally looked away from his own eyes, and instead turned to Serena's.

"How do you know that he's who you think he is? How can you be completely sure that the side of him you see is not the monster, the act, the play, and the Dark Lord's side is not his true persona?"

"Because I am Severus, and Severus is me. I would know if I were to trick myself."

Remus frowned, the small creases between his brow signalled his confusion. His shoulders slumped. "I don't know what to do."

"I can't tell you what to feel," she said quietly. "but I would really like my best friend back, and I would like to apologise for everything I've said and done over the past couple of weeks. It's been… a trying time… it still is, things are going to be difficult this summer, but hopefully, by the time classes resume, everything will have righted itself."

Remus nodded thoughtfully. "I want to help you. I will return now, to Grimmauld Place, and tell everyone that all is right… and I shall think on things, very hard…"

"That sounds okay," she accepted, nibbling her bottom lip.

He walked over and pulled her into another hug, kissing her cheek and looking deep into her eyes. "anytime, okay."

She gave a small smile and he turned back to the floo, shooting an unseen glare into the cellar before being swept through the fire away from her.


	153. Chapter 152

**A/N: it's short, it's really short, stupidly short. but i wanna chuck something out there for you guys and then i can hopefully write what happens next this weekend and focus on that :) i'll update as soon as i can, i promise. and guys, thanks, like, so much, for sticking with me. you make me so motivated with every review and subscription .lovelovelove **

She didn't hear him, she just sensed him as he slithered out of the cellar and came up behind her. She saw his haunted eyes in the mirror piercing into her own reflected ones.

"Remus is right," he whispered with almost a hiss. "I am the monster… I am the betrayer, I am the horrific lie everyone tells me I am…"

"And the other side?" she replied quietly and calmly, her tone was not challenging- she was just attempting to understand.

"Was what I chose," he answered simply.

"When I was eleven I chose to join a gang because my boyfriend was in it. I fell in with a bad crowd and they would beat up the other kids on my estate. Then I made another choice and I left."

"I'm still choosing."

"What would you choose to have, out of all the possibilities?"

"Peace."

"Then I shall help you find it."

His arms snaked around her waist and he kissed her ear. "I'm sorry, my love… I… I don't want to be thinking these thoughts but it is difficult to be positive at times like these…"

"Do not apologise, I understand. I'm going to help you. This evening, we are going to visit Albus."

There was a long moment of silence and Serena turned around in Severus' suddenly stiff arms and looked up at him confidently.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to be angry at him, we just need to discuss things together and work out every possibility and plan things properly. He can't be doing this like a little secret promise between the two of you, it needs to be organised, we need to look at the risks and sort plans and everything."

Severus's face was, as usual, completely blank and she couldn't read the unusual expression in his eyes. "I will consider what you're saying… I'll think about it…"

"okay," she replied simply, realising that was the best response she could have hoped for.

"You need to eat."

"Okay," she said again.

Severus shot her a funny look and then took her hand, squeezed it gently and pulled her into the kitchen. He took a meal from the fridge and cast a warming spell upon it. He sat down at the table and pulled Serena firmly into his lap. She sighed as she felt security and safety wash over her and she kissed his temple softly. "please can we cut your hair?" she asked teasingly.

He snorted. "if it pleases you, my love."

She threaded his longer black locks through her fingers. "I love your hair, but I prefer it short. It's more… sexy…"

He snorted again, "That's not really the word I'd use."

"No? I definitely would… you're so…" she sighed and his mouth twitched. She laughed softly and kissed him on the lips firmly. "feed me!" she ordered with a grin, kissing him again and forgetting all their worries.

As Severus broke off bread to feed his love who was cradled in his arms, his mind wandered. She was looking better today, stronger, more… confident… and it worried him. These past few days had been so strange. They had done everything together, absolutely everything and he'd loved it. It had never been as intense as this- he hadn't left her side for more than ten minutes and it was how he was supposed to behave, he was sure of it now- he was protecting her, really protecting her, and it was working- nothing had happened to her, no one had hurt her, and she was getting stronger because of him.

Yet as her musical laugh danced through his ears, his mood darkened. She was getting better, and then she wouldn't need him anymore, and she wouldn't have to rely on him, and they'd be parted, just like they had been, and the pain would start and the doubt would creep in, and the fear and then she'd get hurt again and it would be all his fault!

"Sev?"

His eyes snapped to hers and he agreed casually to what he'd only been half listening to.

"I need to brew this afternoon," he stated, narrowing his eyes and scrutinising her reaction.

"If I bring a book can I come and sit down in the lab?"

He smiled a relieved smile. "of course."

She smiled too, "okay, can I choose one of yours?"

"Certainly." He guided her off his knee and cleared away the plate, before leading her though into the living room. She had read most of the books on the first and second shelves but he knew she had not browsed the third yet. "How about a book on herbology?" he asked lightly.

She made a fake yawn and he raised his eyebrows. "history of the Black Lake?"

"Something on defensive spells," she decided, running her thumb over the spines gently. "Oh or this one!" she exclaimed, pulling out a copy about the history of the Magical Vanishings and Reappearances Department in the Ministry.

"looks harmless enough," Severus nodded. "You might want to get changed, it will be hot downstairs."

"It's so lovely outside, maybe we could sit in the yard later? I should be getting my tan."

Severus raised his eyebrows. "I have never sat in my yard, it's the apparition point, don't be ridiculous."

"Oh yeah…" Serena said quietly. "I need to be outside." The desperation in her voice was subtle.

"Maybe tomorrow."

She was silent as they got changed together upstairs, but when she felt a kiss on her bare shoulder her mood lightened slightly. She would go outside tomorrow.

Just one more sip, a tiny little gulp, a feeling of golden warmth and she smiled. She stashed the bottle at the back of her drawer and straightened out her bottle green robe. She cleared her mouth of all residue and skipped back down the stairs into the arms of her love. "let's go."

"Serena- please, don't get your hopes up, Albus has not changed, it's your attitude that has changed, that's all… the situation is exactly the same, you need to accept that."

"We'll see," she shrugged, leading him over to the fireplace. Severus gritted his teeth but said nothing.

"Albus Dumbledore," she murmured, stepping through swiftly before her courage failed.


	154. Chapter 153

**A/N: :D and drop us a review if you've got a second, pleasey pleasey? xxxxxxxx**

Remus leant against the kitchen work top, running a hand through his greying hair and over his aging face. Lavinia was clasped in a blanket tied against his chest, fast asleep. He cleared his throat and looked out at the small gathering of friends seated around the kitchen table.

"He hit her. I'm sure of it."

Silence.

"She's denying it of course, saying her wand backfired, merlin since when did capable witches backfire their wands?"

"This has gotten out of hand," Arthur Weasley interjected. "I am sorry, but you read cases like this all the time, and no one did anything and everyone turned a blind eye and the next moment the victim's been killed in a mysterious broom accident… Something has got to be done."

"Well someone clearly needs to tell her." Molly Weasley stated, turning to her husband. She sat with her back straight and an expression of defiance plastered over her frowning face. "This is preposterous! She isn't happy- has she even ever been happy with that man? How could anyone be happy with that man- that _monster!_"

"Molly, please," Remus sighed. "That's not what she wants to hear, I have tried to make her leave him, I've reassured her she would be safe with us but… the reality is, she wouldn't be. Severus Snape is a very powerful wizard."

"And we are a very powerful organisation!"

"Our organisation includes the very man you want to shield her from."

"_we_ want to shield her from? Do you not include yourself in this Remus? We are here because _you_ called us."

Remus sighed and looked down at his little girl. "He's hurting her. I want to stop that."

"Then we're agreed- I think the first thing we need to do is somehow check what potions she's taking- he could be drugging her and she may have no idea!"

"Molly, really that is preposterous," Remus sighed, "He wouldn't-"

"And just what do you know about it Remus Lupin!"

"Molly-" Arthur said calmly, "you're shouting at the wrong person."

"Yes- well- I apologise Remus, I quite forgot myself."

They were all calmed and silenced by the deep, slow, reasoned voice of Samuel. "I'm afraid we aren't seeing the bigger picture. Has anyone spoken to Albus? I'm sure you have all noticed the sudden change in their relationship? When I met Serena she was as close to Albus as a daughter would be. They wouldn't argue unless it was serious."

There was a long pause.

"Samuel is right, we need to be subtle about this. If we charge in like hippogriffs they will only take the defensive. Samuel and I shall talk to Albus and we'll see what happens."

Arthur nodded his head. "Okay, that's a plan. We'll keep a close eye on things."

When the group had dispersed, Remus sat down heavily at his table and gazed down into his little girl's face. All he knew was that if Vinnie was in Serena's situation, he would fight and fight until death to protect her.

Albus was expecting them. She didn't know how he always knew, but he was standing on the opposite side of the small living room, watching her intently through his half moon glasses. She felt Severus step close behind her but she did not turn. Her gaze instead turned to the small living room, full of books and delicate trinkets, much like in his office. She noticed the pensieve floating above a small stained glass coffee table standing in front of two plush mahogany and leather armchairs. There were two doors visible, one that she assumed lead to the hallway, and another to the kitchen.

When she had surveyed everything, she finally turned her determined gaze towards him.

"Albus." Her voice sounded confident and Severus felt that flicker of pride within him. He was torn between feelings, torn between now and then, the past and the present. She had always been so strong with everything, so determined to fight whatever the world threw at her… and then it just became too much and somehow, along the way, she'd started to crumble and he hadn't even fucking noticed.

The palm of his hand gently pressed against the small of her back, reassuring her silently.

She stepped away from his touch. "Why don't you make us some tea Albus? Severus and I will make ourselves at home." The smile she sent him was timid and inviting and he gave a small smile back, before nodding his head and gesturing to the armchairs opposite his own. He glided through one of the doors and Serena noticed a glimpse of a kitchen before she turned to sit down.

Severus sat down next to her and leant closer to her, his eyes glittering with a strange unknown emotion. "Serena- _my _Serena… I- I think I just opened my eyes and saw something I should have seen months ago."

She turned to him with that determination still glimmering in her eyes. "You're speaking in riddles my love," she said softly.

"I know," he muttered. "I fucking need you."

Serena lost her composure for a split second, her body tensing with excitement and her eyes flickering towards him. She bit her lip and then turned her focus back to the kitchen door.

"Severus I need to focus right now… I…" she glanced towards him and looked into his dark eyes. "Stay by my side."

Albus swept into the room and set the tea on the coffee table where it poured itself and offered steaming mugs to both Severus and Serena. Severus took his and put it straight back down, scowling.

Serena couldn't help but sniff hers before taking a small sip.

Albus waited until she put her mug down before he began.

"Serena…" his voice was gravelly and hesitant and the emotion buried in his blue eyes shone through strongly. "I had thought of everything I wanted to say to you, but now I have seen you it seems irrelevant what I want to say. I… don't want you to hate me Serena." For the first time ever Serena saw Albus look down I shame. "I don't want to destroy our relationship…"

"Albus you're my father, you can't break bonds like ours." She moved from her chair and went over to him, leaning down and hugging him tight. His grip around her was strong and when she pulled back his cheeks were wet with his tears. He swiped them away with a brush of black fingers and both their eyes lingered upon his cursed hand.

"It seems we have many things to discuss," Serena murmured, sitting down heavily next to a frowning Severus.

"There is no question as to my death Serena," Albus said quietly.

"It is the way you shall die I am not content with Albus."

"There is nothing you can do-"

"Why not suicide? You die by your own hand, and make it look like Severus?"

"preposterous, I would never do such a thing and the Dark Lord would know that. It would seem cowardly of Severus to make me kill myself, he would go down in favour rather than up-"

"Then let Malfoy do it."

"In no world would I allow such a thing. Imagine how many people he would hurt in trying to kill me? He has no idea. He is reckless. Many would die needlessly. And I don't want to damage the boy. At this time he has not yet cemented his path."

"Albus the boy is a Death Eater!"

"As was I," Severus said quietly, his first words in the conversation.

Serena looked towards him and saw pride in her eyes. "I know Severus, and you changed sides because you were brave. I can't really see Malfoy making such a decision."

"The point is that Malfoy is young, naïve, and hasn't even had a choice. His Father brought him up to be a Death Eater," Albus stressed.

"So he needs a wake up call. So let him wake up, let him kill you and see what his world is really like." Serena's voice was harsh and brutal and her eyes showed no gentle emotion.

"Serena letting him destroy his soul is not an option. It will never be an option."

"Fine, then I think the next option is to simply let someone else kill you. There are people you can hire-"

"Serena I am the second most powerful wizard in the country."

"Well maybe you're weakened because of the curse and- and I mean come on! How can the Dark Lord realistically expect Malfoy to kill you if a hitman can't!"

"There are no other options."

"But how can you even expect other people to realistically believe Severus killed you when you say you're the most powerful wizard-"

"I didn't-"

"Well not including the Dark Lord!"

"I wasn't."

"sorry?"

"The only man more powerful than myself is sitting beside you right now."

Serena whipped her head around and gazed into the emotionless face of her husband. He continued to stare at Albus and missed the gleam of pride and need in his wife's face.

"Oh. Then there is no other choice."

"I'm afraid not child."

Serena turned her back on Albus for a moment and took Severus' hands in her own.

_Look at me, _she whispered through her mind.

His eyes flickered up to hers, surprised at the intimacy of their connection.

She dropped her guards and let him know how she was feeling. How scared she was, how determined she was to make it better, how her pride was swelling when she thought about his bravery and his power. She showed him how she was trying to be strong, but how she needed him to support her so badly. And then, she reached out a gentle encouragement, asking him to drop his guard and answer just one question.

She whispered softly against his cheek: "do you think you can do it?"

His eyes melted into pools of hot molten black, burning with the fire of his passion.

"Yes." he said quietly against her ear. "thank you."

She drew back and turned to Albus.

"So we have planning to do."

Albus frowned.

Serena looked stunned. "what you were just going to let him kill you and then he can worry about what comes after it? _Merlin_ Albus you're making it fucking difficult to forgive you for this."

"Serena-"

"No, don't speak, just listen." Her tone was dark and she turned away from his gaze. "We don't know an exact time but we know it shall be within the year. This however means it could be in two months or ten so plans need to be made now. Firstly, Severus has been the main reason the Order of the Phoenix has knowledge of the Dark Lord's whereabouts. Without him we wouldn't be able to save nearly as many lives, even if the others fail to see it. We need to ensure there are channels of communication between the Order and Severus even after your death."

"Serena I will have killed their leader, you can't honestly believe-"

"well no of course not Severus, they're going to hate your guts, even more so than right now. Which is why the knowledge needs to be subtle, from an unknown source that they will grow to trust, now I have a few ideas but Severus and I shall discuss them later.

"Secondly, there is the question of Severus' safety- the entire order- full of very powerful witches and wizards- will want to kill him."

"I shall be under the protection of the Dark Lord-"

"Which will help, but what if someone on the inside betrays you too? I think we should develop some new spells, for defence and attack, that are completely invisible, untraceable and don't show under the Dark Lord's detections.

"Now, you and I shall also need forms of communication. I shall wear the same enchanted jewellery as this year, but we should try and develop some for you as well. We need-"

"Serena stop."

Severus rubbed a hand through his newly shortened hair and down his stubbled face. "You're not being realistic."

"How do you mean?" she said challengingly.

"You think everything's going to be fine- that we'll carry on in this marriage like before, even though I've just killed the man you call Father. _Think_! You can either hate me or you shall be branded a suspect and collaborator! How could you have no idea what was going on? How could you not know I was always on the dark side? How could you not know my plans, the changes within me in the coming months? We must split."

Serena pressed her lips together until they were white and then took a deep breath.

"I have factored in the reactions of people Severus Snape, do not underestimate my abilities, thank you very much. I realise I shall be seen to have been involved- _which I will be, by the way_- and have decided on my actions. When the time comes and it has to be done, I shall go into hiding, we'll find places and ways to communicate. I'm also going to enlist Minerva's help to train me to become an Animagus-"

"We have less than a year!"

"And I am a very powerful witch Severus."

There was a long silence until Serena continued in a quieter voice. "When the war is over, Severus shall be pardoned and I shall come out of hiding. I imagine it would take several years before people stop trying to kill us, so we'll need to plan for that as well and have a safe house set up, perhaps abroad, to settle down in for a few years until it all dies out. Now I know my plans are a bit rough around the edges, but Severus will help me make everything right, or at least better, there is nothing right about this situation. I'm just making the best of it."


	155. Chapter 154

**A/N: i know, i know i know, i'm a giant penis-head. my excuse is that i have exams at the moment, and i should have let you know, im so so so soooooooooo sorry and i can't thank you enough for sticking with me. My exams finish on Wednesday and i PROMISE i will update AT LEAST one chapter in the following week. and maybe we can all see what happens with that secret potion... and what actions Remus and the gang will take... and what will happen at the ball... ... hmm... ... *wink wink. i love you. please forgive me...**

Severus pushed her roughly against the wall in their living room, trapping her arms above her head with one hand and grabbing her jaw between his other one.

"Do you know what you're doing? He growled. "all this fucking planning, these calculations, just how- just when- I thought- gods woman you're driving me crazy!"

He kissed her harshly, a small growl escaping his throat as she kissed him back just as firmly. When she struggled with her hands he let them go and she grabbed his robes, pulling him closer to her and holding him as tightly as possible.

When a small whimper sounded from her throat he scrambled off his outer robe and began pulling at the buttons on his trousers, in awe at her tipped back head and the look of absolute pleasure on her face.

"fuck your feelings…" she sighed… "your _lust,_ your _love_… _Gods Severus…please…_"

She was utterly full of pleasure as he undid both their clothes and stole kiss after kiss from her parted lips.

"_please…"_

He growled again, simply vanishing their clothes and swooping her into the air, his arms supporting her thighs as she wrapped her legs around him and used the wall for support to lower herself inch by inch onto Severus' waiting cock.

Their eyes met, widened in the disbelief that it could feel so good as they let out a synchronised sigh of pleasure. "_fuck…" _

Serena rolled slowly onto her side to gaze at her drowsy husband. She gave him a lazy smile and he raised an eyebrow before making a small contented noise that she wasn't sure he meant to allow. Her smile deepened and he raised his other eyebrow.

"No sleep, we have planning to do handsome."

Severus grumbled something and pulled her closer to him, grabbing a possessive handful of boob and shutting his eyes.

"fine," she yawned, "but just a nap." She snuggled against his chest, her head on his arm, his breath tickling her forehead and made the same little noise as Severus, before drifting into hazy dreams of half moon glasses and cups of self serving tea.

When she woke again she felt that strange burning in her chest, that need that would only be sated by one thing. She knew what it was, she knew what her body wanted, but damn it her mind didn't even need it anymore. She was determined now, she had a plan, she had her husband back! She lay perfectly still, her eyes squeezed shut, scared that if she moved he'd somehow know her secret. She felt lips on her shoulder, lips that she had betrayed.

"Serena you're tense, my love."

She forced herself to relax and open her eyes and look sleepy and carefree. "make me something to eat?" He raised one eyebrow, pecked her cheek and got up, slipping into his black boxers and jeans. Serena barely noticed his nakedness. When he had gone downstairs, she tuned into the wards in the house to make sure he was really in the kitchen, before scrambling over to the chest of drawers. Her hand was trembling as she uncorked the bottle and took a sip of the mixture she detested. A steady hand resealed it and pushed it to the back. Her senses pricked up as she heard movement on the stairs, and she grabbed a pair of knickers, before slamming the drawer and turning towards the bed.

Severus appeared in the doorway, holding a steaming mug and smiling at her. "navy blue."

"what?" she said as naturally as possible.

He nodded at the frilly pair in her hands.

"Oh!" she smiled breathlessly, "would you prefer black?"

He smirked, "I'm sure they'll be fine." He set her cup on the dresser and kissed her shoulder before lounging elegantly in his arm chair by the window.

Serena pulled the thin black blanket off the bed and up to her chest. "you're going to watch me get dressed?"

He smirked.

She couldn't help but smile as she got dressed, pretending to ignore him and yet making sure he got a nice view of her bottom and not the scars across her stomach and shoulder. When she was clothed she slipped into the bathroom to take her usual medication, grimacing at her unruly hair.

"Severus appeared behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her back against his bare chest. "There is no point taking that anymore," he murmured as she lifted another bottle to her lips.

"Maybe it just takes time," she insisted, her body tensing.

"Serena…" he sighed and a warm hand lifted up her t shirt. He gazed at the two distorted marks of skin that were scorched across her perfect flat stomach. "They're a part of you now."

"And I accept that. It doesn't mean I can't attempt to look how I used to. I know you say you don't care Severus but when I see you looking at them I feel what you feel."

He turned her slowly in his arms and looked into her eyes. She stared back at him defiantly.

"And just what do you feel?"

"Shame," she snapped quietly. "and regret and anger and disgust." She pulled herself out of his grasp and walked into the bedroom, not making it five steps before he'd caught her arm and dropped on his knees to the carpet, lifting her shirt and kissing her stomach with an open mouth, before standing and pressing his forehead against hers.

"It's my shame, it's my guilt, it's my regret. I am disgusted at _myself_ for not stopping him in time. Fuck I think about that night every bloody day- you have no idea what it's like! You are beautiful, so beautiful; my God the world questions our relationship because of it. I would tell you every day if it meant you would start to believe me." Severus kissed her lips fiercely and then backed away from her. He rummaged in his wardrobe and pulled out a black shirt, putting it on without looking at her.

When he spoke his voice was low and unrevealing. "Maisie is preparing a meal; she said it will be ten minutes. I have a potion I need to check on. Get dressed and then we'll eat."

He walked downstairs without glancing at her.

Serena sat down on the bed slowly, pulling the thin blanket up to her chin and smiling a small secretive smile. That man loved her so much. He was just hers and she was just his and he loved her and was never going to let her go…

She grabbed a pair of shorts and then routed into the back of her wardrobe to pick out a crumpled top she hadn't worn in over a year. She shrugged it on and walked over to the mirror, watching the way her stomach was exposed whenever she raised her arms or stretched a little. Perhaps just in front of Severus she could get her confidence back again…

Severus bent over his potion catalogue and surveyed the pages full of ingredients, with the exact number he had in stock scribbled in the margins, charmed to change whenever he used anything. He compared it with the Hogwarts stocks and then wrote a small list of the potions the hospital wing would soon need.

He heard movement upstairs and placed the books carefully back on the correct shelf. The lights dimmed when he left and shut the door behind himself.

"Maisie it smells delicious, I can't wait." Serena's voice floated out of the kitchen and he smiled to himself as he went to join her. She was reaching up to pull two plates from the cupboard and his mouth parted at the sight of her tanned, smooth lower back, stretching from the top of her lace pants to the bottom of the cropped t shirt she had dared to wear.

She must have sensed him staring, but she chose to ignore it, putting the plates on the table with a shy blush on her cheeks.

"Master Severus Sir, dinner is served sir!"

Severus' thoughts were interrupted by the small squeaking voice, and he nodded, taking his usual seat and smiling at the warm plate of steaming vegetables and fish that was placed in front of him. Serena slipped into her seat and took a sip of water.

"This looks amazing Maisie, thank you."

"You is welcome miss Serena miss! I is very happy to be cooking again for you!" Maisie bowed low on the floor and disappeared with a faint crack.

Severus finally looked his wife in the eye. "Eat as much as you can, my love."

His eyes gleamed with more unspoken words and Serena gave a small smile. "I'm starving."

"Tomorrow, we start to plan," he said firmly, a new determination and hope in his voice.

They smiled softly to each other and then began to eat.


	156. Chapter 155

**A/N: as promised... i hope it's okay- let me know! thanks soooo much and let me know what you'd like to see happen in the next chapter ;) all i can say is, Serena's in trouble... **

It was with the sun that they awoke early the next morning, tired and hazy in the orange red light. It was Severus that swung out of bed first and headed straight for a shower.

Serena slowly sat up, nibbling her lip gently as her eyes slowly lingered on the chest of drawers opposite.

"Maisie," she said quietly into the air, pausing until the little elf had appeared before her, bowing low with her big ears dancing excitedly at the thought of being needed for something.

"good morning Miss Serena Miss!"

"Good morning Maisie, could you put some toast and eggs out for Severus and I please? We have a busy day ahead."

The elf squeaked with delight and dissaparated again happily.

Serena slipped on a t shirt and padded over to the wardrobe, routing for something to wear and eventually pulling out her deep purple robes. She hung them on the back of the door just as Severus emerged, his hair dripping wet. He dried his body with a wave of his wand and was clothed in his black robes with another wave. He perched on the edge of the bed to slip his heavy boots on.

"Maisie has put some breakfast on the table, my love."

"I shall eat in my lab, I have three potions to start this morning, or they'll never be ready for the Dark Lord."

"Okay, I'm going for a shower, and then I'm going into Diagon Alley."

Severus raised his head and regarded her- she rarely went into public places alone anymore.

He gave a curt nod and reached into his pocket, pulling out his wallet and taking out fifty galleons. He thrust it in her direction. "Treat yourself."

Her face stretched into a smile and she bounded over to kiss his wet hair before taking the money and skipping over to put it in her bag. "thank you."

He stood up and gave a short nod, before going downstairs, his footsteps not making a sound.

Her smile slowly fell. She was happy for fucks sake! Happy and motivated! She didn't even need it anymore! Her mind didn't want it! So why did her body feel so desperate. Her stomach hurt with the ache and eventually she crumbled, crawling to the bottom drawer and pulling out the bottle. One sip, one larger-than-usual sip and she felt better almost instantly.

She sighed in relief.

An hour later she was walking rather awkwardly through Diagon Alley, trying not to bump into anyone- an impossible hope in such a tiny bustling street. Under her robes her wand was clenched tightly in her fist, and her eyes darted about almost comically, trying to detect any sort of threat. She squeezed into Flourish and Botts and found an empty aisle where she stood still and inhaled deeply for ten seconds until she was calm. She slowly navigated the shop until she found the section she was looking for: Animagi.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore apparated onto the top step of number twelve Grimmauld Place, catching his balance elegantly, before sweeping inside with his silver robe flying behind him.

He was met by Remus, who was wearing off-black robes and carrying his baby on his hip.

"Albus, Samuel is waiting upstairs, I'll take Lavinia down to Molly now and join you in a moment."

Albus inclined his head and ascended the stairs quietly until he reached his 'office' where Samuel was waiting. Albus smiled and opened the door, gesturing for Samuel to go first. He sat down on the leather sofa, and Albus in the purple velvet armchair.

"I believe Remus is just taking the little one to Molly, might I interest you in some tea?"

Samuel declined politely just as Remus entered, looking a tad flustered.

"Remus my boy, is everything okay?"

"Yes, Albus, thank you…" Remus sat down next to Samuel and sighed. "Actually it's not, and I'm sure you know it is not too."

"Ah, but I am not so great at riddles, Remus."

"We want to talk about Serena," Remus said rather bluntly. "I'm not happy about her relationship with Severus any more, I'm not happy about the change I have seen in her over these last few months, and I am certainly not happy about the way she has been treated." Remus' eyes were dark as he spoke and the determination within them was strong.

"I'm not sure of what you speak, Remus."

"Albus please, don't insult our intelligence. Your relationship with Serena has always been impeccable, so what happened recently huh? What has been going on? I don't like it and I'm not just going to stand back and let my friend get abused in this way."

"Albus, please, Remus is right," Samuel said slowly, his voice was calm and reasonable, just like his brother's was. "Yes, Severus has always been rather overpowering, but he's controlling her now, controlling her every move."

Albus sighed and clasped his black hand in the other. "You could not be further from the truth…"

"You naïve fool! He is going to hurt her!" Remus exclaimed. "Explain her face to me then! Explain it! He hit her and you know it! He controls every little thing- what she eats, where she goes out, she never leaves anywhere without him anymore! And then he stopped fucking going near her and she thought it was her fault and blamed herself and he was just sleeping around for fucks sake! He is destroying her! Destroying the person I met three years ago! It's awful Albus, it's revolting. How can you sit by and let him do this?" Remus stood up and paced to the window, running his grey hair through his hands and releasing his anger and calmly as possible.

"Albus, in your honest opinion, did he, or did he not, hit her?" Samuel, once again was calm and open.

Albus' eyes never faltered behind his half moon glasses as he lied to the two desperate men.

* * *

Serena lasted an hour in Diagon Alley before the noise and the crowds and the enclosed space became too much for her. When she got back to Spinner's End she collapsed onto the sofa in relief, only to be startled by the arrival of her owl on the kitchen windowsill. It was the reply to the letter she had sent earlier that morning: Yes, Minerva would meet her that afternoon.

She smiled.

She ate her lunch alone; Severus was still locked away in the cellar, sweating over ten different cauldrons at once. She sent him some sandwiches down and hoped he would eat them.

He only emerged at three o' clock when she sent him a note to let him know she was going to see Minerva in half an hour. She was hunched over her new books, with a silver and purple quill perched between her finger and thumb, when the door opened and a sweaty Severus appeared, wearing his trousers with his shirt untucked and his hair unruly.

She smiled at the sight. "I bought a new quill with your money, thank you husband."

Severus raised his eyebrows, "how bloody much was it?"

"It's self correcting: spelling and grammar- colour changing- ink free- _and_ it has a translation spell embedded in it- I could write in Russian if I wanted to! It also copies people's handwriting- which I thought may come in handy, so I bought you one too- in black, of course, it's on your desk."

Severus raised his eyebrows and his eyes sparkled in that way she only knew.

She smiled and folded over the page in her book, before shutting it.

"Becoming an Animagus is extremely difficult."

"yes dear."

Severus snorted. "I am serious, Serena. It will put pressure on you, and what shall you do if your form appears and it's a bloody crab or something."

This time Serena snorted. "Severus my patronus is a black unicorn; I don't think my Animagus will be a _crab_."

Severus grunted and stomped over to place a hand on the top of her head gently.

"how was Diagon Alley?"

"busy."

"You didn't curse anybody?"

She smiled, "no."

"Shame."

"Indeed. How is the brewing?"

Severus checked his watch. "The first three need stirring in three and a half minutes, the rest in twelve and above. Then I have an hour's gap. Perhaps I could accompany you?"

"No, thank you Severus, but I need to ask her on my own."

He inclined his head. "As you wish, ensure you change your clothes, even for London those are a tad extreme, oh and I have some things to sort out with Lucius and Narcissa, so I may not be here this evening."

"Oh… what sort of things?"

"Just a few updates on Draco, I want to check he's behaving himself."

"Okay."

"I doubt I shall be long, but one can never tell…"

She gave a small smile, it's fine, I have loads to do anyway, just be careful okay?"

"yes dear."

She laughed, kissed him and sent him back to the lab to stir his cauldrons.

* * *

Albus sat in his study in Grimmauld Place, looking down at the blank piece of parchment on his desk, well aware that there was a mutiny going on outside his door.

After politely asking Samuel and Remus to leave and let Serena lead her own life, they had both been rather angry, demanded to know what Serena and he had rowed about and stormed out, calling for a meeting with the others immediately.

But what was he supposed to do?

There were secrets involved that were far grater than any relationship.

Albus grasped his feathered quill once more and placed his pen to the page.

_Severus_

_I request your presence in Headquarters this evening. Alone. Nine o clock. Use the front door._

_Yours graciously, Albus. _

There, that wasn't so difficult now was it, he thought as he tied it to his faithful owl named Sherbet and let her fly off out of the window.

* * *

Minerva had chosen a small muggle coffee house in the centre of Watford for their meeting. Severus had warned her that only Albus knew where she resided during the holidays, but it was almost definitely somewhere warm.

Serena walked in, checking each table methodically, before getting a cup of tea and sitting down at an empty table in the corner, away from prying ears. She discretely cast a few privacy charms and waited.

She barely recognised Minerva when she moved graciously into the shop, sending her a warm smile before turning to order a coffee. She was wearing muggle clothes- trousers and a blouse, but with her bottle green witch's cloak over it. Her hair was pulled back into a bun as usual, but she looked odd without her hat, Serena thought.

She stood up as the older lady approached and gave her a warm hug.

"Serena," Minerva smiled. "It's lovely to see you dear."

"Thank you, you too. Are you well?"

"Yes, I rather enjoy the holidays," Minerva replied rather mischievously in her thick Scottish accent. "now, to the point child, what reason is it you wished to see me?"

"Ah, well erm I was wondering… no," Serena shook her head and took a deep breath. "I need you to teach me to become an Animagus."

Minerva raised her eyes and surveyed Serena rather sternly over her cup.

"and just where has this sudden interest arisen from?"

"I've always been interested Minerva, and well- with the war going the way it is… The relationship between Severus and I is becoming more and more difficult to hide, and one day both of us are going to be in danger, it's foreseeable. I don't want him to worry. If he sees me training like this, I can hide myself rather easily. No one will know apart from Severus and Albus, I won't register, and I know I'm being unfair to ask you in this way, but I have no choice Minerva. I can't do this on my own."

Professor McGonagall took a sip of her coffee and glanced at the other customers who were queuing to order. "You are asking a lot of yourself, my dear. How old are you now?"

"I'm twenty five. But the Marauders were in school when they learnt!"

Minerva smiled at her eagerness. "It is not your physical age that matters so much dear."

Serena opened and shut her mouth and then nodded. "yes, I read about that, I've bought some books today so that I could make a start…"

"Good… we shall start when term begins, it is Albus' summer ball on Saturday so I shall give you a few assignments then-"

"Minerva… I erm…" Serena pressed her lips together and looked straight into the eyes of the other witch. "I need to transform before the school year is over."

Minerva gave a rather undignified splutter and struggled to swallow her gulp of coffee. She dabbed at her face with a napkin and shook her head. "Impossible."

"Possible," Serena countered. "I am powerful, Minerva, very powerful, with a wand and without, I have skills you would dream of and my mind has more than matured! I must learn within a year and I need you to help me succeed."

Minerva gave a small smile. "Severus is a very dear friend of mine."

"I know," she said softly.

"But I'm doing this for you. First lesson starts tomorrow, nine o' clock, I'll come to Spinner's End for our first few meetings. I would request Severus be there. Try and read your books tonight, and sleep well. This will not be easy dear."

Minerva stood, patted Serena's arm and smiled with a proud glint in her eyes, before leaving and disappearing into the bustling London crowd.

When Serena arrived back home it was six o'clock and Severus had already left. A tune into the wards told her she was alone. She went straight up to their bedroom and dropped to her knees on the floor, clutching her stomach that had been burning for the past twenty minutes. Keeping her composure in front of Minerva had taken all her energy. She shuffled over to the drawer and pulled it out, it was half empty and her trembling hand as she uncorked it betrayed her terrified mind. A small sip and her stomach settled immediately, cooling and calming her breathing and hands, like the eye of the storm.

Twice. In one day. Twice.

She knew what this meant. She knew what she had done and she didn't know how to stop it. There was only one person who could help her now and she was too terrified to ask. She would be dead within a month if she didn't.


	157. Chapter 156

She sat at the kitchen table twirling a spoon through her bowl of creamy soup.

She felt calm and relaxed and confident, but the thoughts in her head were far from the emotions flowing through her. Her head was frantically trying to come up with a solution, desperately trying to think of answers and ways to stop the madness that had been injected into her veins after just a few days.

Severus had still not returned, but he had sent his owl with a few words explaining that Albus wanted to see him. So Serena had made a few more pages of notes from one of the Animagi books she had bought, and was eating a small supper whilst she waited his return. Minerva was expected at nine o' clock the following morning, and their lessons would begin. The aim was to transform within a year, but Serena was hoping to do it sooner than that. She had read in one of the books that the record time was twelve months and eleven days. But that had just been a normal- albeit powerful- wizard. Serena had talents unique to her; her elementarial powers made her magic unbelievably strong, she had mastered a good level of occlumency and from her past traumas and emotional connections with people, her mind was very strong. She also had a reason. She wasn't doing it for the novelty, or to have an extra skill. She needed to learn this so that she would survive, and so that Severus would know she was safe, that she had every hope of making it through whatever was to come.

The fire ignited in the living room and she heard hands brushing soot from a cloak. Silent footsteps lead Severus through to the kitchen and graceful hands pulled the chair opposite out without a single sound.

"Good evening," his deep warm voice spilled over her. She smiled and let her hand join the one he had reached out across the wooden table.

"well?" she asked quietly.

"The boy is… I shall be keeping a close eye on him this year… and I would appreciate it if you would alert me if you sense anything unusual."

"of course."

"Albus is another matter… I believe your little sidekicks have been telling tales," he muttered, his top lip rising in a silent sneer. "They believe I am… _controlling_ you… Albus thinks we should be seen in public more. He insists we come to the ball on Saturday, but spend time independently whilst we are there…"

"How do you mean?"

Severus sighed and reclined in his chair, his face looking old and the wrinkles on his face creasing deeper than usual. "There is a new teacher starting at the school, a Miss… Burbage or something… he wants you to spend the evening in her company, rather than my own."

Serena's eyebrows furrowed for a split second and then she sighed. "We'll compromise. I'll spend some time with this girl, and with the others, and some with you too, okay?"

Severus gave a curt nod, but she felt the disappointment pulsating through their joint hands. The summer ball, due to the highest security and fidelity charms, was the only time of the year that they could be a couple in public. It was sad, she thought, that they could never show the world what they had found in one another. It was sad that not even their friends understood…

"Did you take the potions to the Manor tonight" she asked, changing the subject and withdrawing her hand from his.

"Yes," he replied quietly.

"Was _He_ there?"

"No."

"Well that's something at least… Oh Minerva will be coming at nine tomorrow morning."

Severus' eyes met her own quickly. "forgive me, I forgot to ask-"

"don't worry about it," she said, sending him a small smile. "She has agreed to teach me. Starting tomorrow."

Severus nodded. "good. So you should get a lot of sleep tonight."

"Yeah, I was just waiting for you to come back, I'm gonna head up in a minute."

"I want to take a shower, and then I shall join you," Severus said, standing up. He reached down and took Serena's small hand in his own, brought it to his lips and kissed her fingertips, before gliding past her and up the stairs.

Serena let her spoon clunk into her cold soup. With a mere thought is floated over to the sink and began washing itself up. She crossed her arms and closed her tired eyes, resting her chin on the table. She wished things were simpler. Sometimes she wondered what would have happened if Kingsley was still alive. Perhaps they would be living together in his beautiful open plan apartment with that amazing kitchen and those tall open windows, the two of them, away from these complications and with no reason to lie to the world. Her last thought before she drifted off was of Severus' face in his classroom years ago… and the wonder in his eyes as she gazed into them from just a few millimetres away, growing closer and closer…breathless…

Her sleep was deep and the potion still lingering in her veins was strong. She did not feel the firm hands lifting her, or the softness of silk beneath her cheek, or the warm body enveloping her with a blanket of love, determined to keep her safe.

Her wand alerted her to the time at seven o' clock the next morning, although she did not remember casting the alarm charm. She gratefully silenced it and rolled over, stretching and yawning silently like a nimble cat. Severus' side of the bed was empty. She sighed and stared up at the ceiling as she noticed the burn in her stomach starting to grow. She bit her lip and swung herself out of bed, shooting a quick glance towards the stairs before kneeling down besides her chest of drawers.

"good morning," a velvety voice purred, making her jump violently and stand up a little too quickly for comfort. She clutched at her head as it swam with dizziness for a few seconds and then managed to shoot a smile at Severus, who had just emerged fully clothed from the bathroom.

"gosh, you frightened me," she spluttered, her cheeks reddening and her heart pounding with fear.

He cupped her face in his large hands and let his lips touch hers in the gentlest of kisses. "I did not mean to startle you. I thought you might appreciate a bath."

"No, it's okay, that's lovely Severus, thank you, I would love a bath."

"It is ready," he said softly, gazing deeply into her eyes.

"thank you," she said in a voice a little more confidently than before. "that's so nice of you."

"not at all," he replied smoothly. "I shall bring breakfast upstairs."

She watched his retreating back go down the stairs and then dropped back to the drawer, pulling it out as quickly and as quietly as possible. The liquid glistened brighter than usual, sparkling in the morning's light, teasing her, mocking her, taunting her. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly as she took a sip, before stoppering the bottle with unsteady hands and casting it back to its hideous hiding place. She pushed the drawer back in and leapt into the bathroom as she heard Severus coming up the stairs.

A glance at her face in the mirror made her pull her act together. _Don't be stupid_ she screamed inside her head. _Don't make it obvious, are you a clever witch or not? We'll work this out! Now focus on acting normal for God's sake! _She cast a fresh breath charm and smiled at herself and then peered out of the bathroom door.

"Severus that smells amazing, is it croissants?"

"It is," he said deeply. "I shall keep them warm until after your bath."

She smiled and then turned her attention to the steaming bath awaiting her. She felt relaxed and calm and confident again. She used the toilet and then undressed herself quickly before sinking down into the bubbling bliss that was her bath. _God_ it felt good. She stretched out underneath the water and felt her muscles relaxing to the treatment Severus must have added. It was perfect.

The bathroom door opened slowly and Severus' eyes grazed the bubbles hiding her body and met her face rather wistfully. She smiled and held out a soapy hand. He came and crouched beside her, taking her hand and kissing her cheek softly. She turned her head and their lips met in a tender embrace. Serena sighed and closed her eyes. _Now_ it was perfect.

"What are you doing today?" she asked in a dreamy voice, gazing into his smouldering black eyes.

"I must see Albus this morning."

"Could you wait until Minerva's arrival? She wanted you to be here."

"I am meeting Albus at half past nine so I suppose I can stay for half an hour."

"What are you seeing him about?"

"the security for tomorrow's ball. Oh, and I have taken the liberty of ordering you a dress. Maisie will deliver it this evening."

"what- Severus- you didn't have to- I was just going to wear- I mean really you didn't-"

"I know," he murmured in her ear, kissing the tender spot on her neck.

"What's it like?" she asked, a glint in her eye and an excited smile starting on her lips.

"You will look beautiful in it," he said softly. "and now I must go and brew-"

"but what's it like? What colour is it! Where's it from? Is it long? What shoes will I wear?"

Severus gave an enigmatic smile and swept out of the room.

Serena smiled wildly and felt a flurry of lust rush up inside of her. That man was full of surprises. She wondered how and when he had found it. Surely it would be impossible for him to buy such a thing in public? She spent half an hour in the wondrous bath, before forcing herself to get up and get dressed. It was her dark blue witch's robes she adorned today, wanting to put a professional dress on as well as a professional mind. She nibbled on one of the croissants Severus had left her, and spent twenty minutes practising her occlumency exercises and playing with a glass of water using only her mind. At five minutes to nine, the apparition wards sounded. The house detected Minerva's presence and she stepped into the house through the back door without hassle. Serena greeted her with a warm smile and invited her into the living room, just as Severus emerged from his lab.

"Minerva."

"Severus," the older witch smiled at him, before placing a rather heavy-sounding bag on the table. "Now young lady, here is your reading list for the next few weeks. I have highlighted the important chapters in orange, and the secondary reading chapters in blue. Anything crucial is highlighted in red. Know and practise these by heart. Right, well Severus are you going to make me a cup of tea or are you just going to stand there looking like the whomping willow?"

Serena bit her tongue to keep for spluttering at Minerva's insult. She loved it when these two old friends were together. Their banter was just too surreal.

Severus scowled and brushed past the witch in the direction of the kitchen, muttering something that sounded like "keep your tail on you old cat" in her ear.

Minerva clasped her hands together and sat down on the sofa, gesturing for Serena to sit down too. "Now then my dear, today we are going to talk through the mechanics of becoming an Animagus. You may want to take notes."

"I have an automatic dictaquill, if that's okay?"

"Gosh, technology these days," Minerva exclaimed. "in my day we had to write everything with those things until our hands cramped. You'll have to tell me where to get one from, I have such terrible Arthritis."

Serena smiled and unfolded her notebook and placed it with her quill next to her, which began scribbling away the moment Minerva opened her mouth.

* * *

"Minerva is always loyal to those she calls friends," Severus remarked thoughtfully after the fire cooled. "Perhaps I should appreciate her more as she is to loath me by the end of the year for sure."

"However I am more than certain that at the end of all this and when this war is won, whenever that may be, that she will hear your story and forgive you within a heartbeat."

"Ah yes, when we win the war and everything is all nice and flowery and as simple as that," he sneered, turning away from her.

"Well I have just finished the business plan for the cupcake shop I plan on opening afterwards," Serena drawled.

Severus turned his head and met her smirk with the slightest twitch of his lips. "Terrible humour as always, dear."

"I should be on the stage," she remarked, twirling over in her robes to kiss his lips.

Serena turned her attention to the books Minerva had brought and set down to work. She wanted to re read the notes her quill had made and to make more compact ones from the information, recopying anything important for another notebook.

"Severus I don't understand some of the material in these books… It keeps talking about an 'inner-self' what does it mean?"

"Finding your inner self is the only way you can find your Animagus form."

"But don't you just find that out as you go along? Like with the Patronus Charm?"

"you can not compare your Patronus form with your Animagus. The two are completely different beings."

"But they both reflect the person, or whatever the needs of the person are-"

"They reflect completely different elements of a person. Your patronus is your protector, your armour, and it is this that reflects your strength, your power and your persona: but not your soul. Did you not listen to Minerva when she mentioned how the majority of wizards that were caught as being unregistered in the last fifty years had claimed that their form was of no use to them and never transformed again, or simply gave up half way through learning?"

"I was listening, but didn't she just mean that perhaps someone's Animagus could only breath underwater or something-"

"There was, I believe only two wizards that encountered that problem, long ago in the eighteenth century, but the other handful were simply too embarrassed of their form. It was of no use to them as it did not reflect what they thought of themselves. The difficulty with becoming an Animagus is that one must be completely at ease with oneself. You must accept your being; accept your soul and each thought or feeling that runs through your veins. You talk of your power and your talents and your strength. This is not what you need to become an Animagus."

"Whatever it is you think I need I shall find it," Serena said determinedly, raising her eyebrows at her husband in a challenging manner.

"It takes many wizards years just to find their inner selves, never mind having to learn how to safely transform-"

"Well I don't have years do I, Severus," she snapped.

Severus sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes for a brief second. "You don't have to do this Serena…"

"How else will I be safe?" she said in a slightly softer voice.

"You can go abroad-"

"pfft and leave you? I don't think so."

"We won't be able to see each other anyway, what difference would it make!"

"It makes a difference to me. I can follow news here, and I can help in the war!"

Severus was silent. He gazed at her from across the room with an expression of such sadness on his face that Serena's lips parted and she swallowed heavily, unable to break their eye contact.

She did not know how much time had passed before Severus looked away, though a moment later she was wrapped in the safe embrace of his arms and was being squeezed tightly against his chest.

"I will help you," he murmured into her hair. "I'll help you."

She shut her eyes and sighed deeply. "thank you." They held each other for a few more seconds and then Serena drew back and looked up into his smooth face. "You should go; you are already late for Albus."

"Indeed."

Severus leant down and gently kissed her lips and then pressed his forehead against hers. "I am glad you are doing this Serena, you know? I just… I don't want you to think you have failed if you can't do it in time."

"I won't fail, Severus."

"you can't think like that-"

"what happens if we don't win the war Severus? We try again. What happens if we still don't win it, Severus? We keep fighting, we try again. Remind you of anyone?"

"That is completely different, I'm not saying here's a year and the war will be over by the end of it."

"I would be more disappointed in myself if I doubted my abilities now, than if I could not transform within a year. I need to believe in myself, and I will show you I can do it so that you will believe in me too."

Severus kissed her roughly, his hand clasping the back of her head and pushing her closer to him. He felt that feeling in his stomach again, that sort of excited silent joyful whooping and he smiled against her lips. She smiled too and they opened their eyes and lost themselves in each others eyes.

"I should go," he murmured softly.

"you should," she whispered breathlessly.

Severus made a small noise in the back of his throat, not wanting to leave, but then he stepped back suddenly and apparated without another word.

* * *

**A/N: i'm backkkkkkk. hiyaaaa. im gonna start posting agaiiiiiin :) not as often as before at all, but hopefully a chapter a month. you all have the wonderful ellaspell to thank- she's motivated me and ignited potter-fever back into my life. so thankyou! and I really hope you enjoyed this one :) xx**


	158. Chapter 157

Her dress was hanging up in their bedroom when she awoke the next morning. She rolled over to see Severus gazing at her intently, a sparkle of something strangely unrecognisable in his eyes. She thought it was a look of intimacy and love, but when she thought about it later the look unnerved her.

"you will look beautiful for me today," he murmured, kissing her cheek and tracing a long index finger across her jaw line.

"can I see it now?"

Severus nodded, and the protective cover unzipped itself and vanished to reveal a stunning, long black dress. Serena slid out of bed and walked gracefully towards it. She lifted it against herself, admiring the slit along one leg, and the low neckline that would definitely need some sticking spells to prevent indecent exposure. It felt like silk.

It was perfect.

She turned to Severus, "how on earth did you choose this? It's gorgeous."

"It is just a dress," he said in a low tone. "it is you that shall make it so handsome."

She smiled and twirled over to kiss him lustfully. A strong hand started to pull her onto the bed but she stepped back, trying to smirk. "get me a nice cup of tea and then we can stay in bed."

Severus raised his eyes. "ask Maisie."

"Babey yours tastes so much nicer. And can I have a chocolate biscuit too?" she pouted at him and smiled. "I want to freshen up a bit too," she added, "I look awful in the mornings."

"you look smouldering," he murmured, pulling her closer again. She wriggled from his grasp, laughing.

"chocolate biscuit!" she ordered with a laugh. "and when you come back upstairs I promise you won't be disappointed…"

Severus swallowed and swung out of bed, kissing her again and squeezing her bum before gliding downstairs wearing only his black silk pyjama bottoms.

As soon as she heard him in the kitchen she dropped to her knees and crawled towards her drawer. The potion was in her mouth before she even realised she had unstoppered it. The pain that had been cramping her stomach began to ease and eventually disappeared. She took a few deep breaths and placed it back under a pile of underwear, from which she chose a beautiful cream corset to put on for Severus. She concentrated on getting changed, trying not to think about how hard it had been to act normal, and that strange look in his dark eyes.

She cast a breath freshening charm and looked at herself in the mirror. She smiled and turned at Severus' appearance, letting him kiss her bare shoulder and wrap his arms around her. "mm," he purred, "you were right. It was worth the wait."

As she felt the tenderness in his emotions and the lust stirring on the surface, she felt a surge within her matching that of his own. She span in his arms and pressed her lips to his greedily, stealing kisses quicker than he could give them, and throwing her arms around his strong naked shoulders.

A bright flash of orange fire in the room made her drop to her knees. Severus crossed the room so quickly and elegantly it was as though his bare feet didn't touch the floor. He swept up the golden feather of Fawkes and closed his eyes as a message from Albus reached him through it. He growled. "Someone has tried to break into the Hogwarts grounds, I must leave immediately."

He turned and all thoughts of intruders were gone. Serena had stood up, her wand clutched in her hand, wearing a beautiful corset with her hair matted and messy and her lips swollen from his kisses. He walked to her and cupped her head gently in his large hand, pulling her forehead against his chest.

"my love, that must have terrified you, I remember the last time Albus sent a message like that; are you okay?"

"I am fine Severus, really," Serena said, smiling at him. "I didn't freak out this time, it's fine now."

The dark circles in Severus' eyes seemed to grow larger, turning his whole gaze black and bottomless. She felt a flicker of suspicion run through him, and tried to protest again.

"It's okay," he murmured. "I know you are brave, little one."

He pressed his lips into her hair, pausing for a long time to inhale her smell deeply, before twisting away and walking into their bathroom. With a quick spell he was clothed in robes and her scent was gone, a scowl plastered on his face to replace it.

"I do not know when I will be back," he stated, before lifting the tip of his wand to Fawkes's feather and disappearing in a flash of golden flames.

Serena let out a long sigh and flopped down on the bed. She wasn't lying- she hadn't felt scared at all. She hadn't even jumped; she had simply dropped to her knees to grab her wand as though it was a reflex. The last time Albus had sent Fawkes she had been terrified, so convinced that she had lost her control again and had set fire to the room or hurt Severus in some way. She remembered the cold terror that had flooded her veins, panicking her and immobilising her until Severus had calmed her down.

All she felt now was calm, as though nothing in the world would ever faze her again. Calm, relaxed and fucking terrified.

She was addicted. She had taken medication that she had self prescribed and she should not have taken it, not even a sip, not when she was mentally unstable in the first place.

"I am addicted," she said out loud, rubbing her red eyes. _The first step is admitting it,_ she thought bitterly. _What was step two again?_ _Get help? Tell someone?_

Fat chance of that, she thought. This was her problem, her secret, and she alone would solve it. First, however she needed a plan.

* * *

Severus marched up to Albus' office in a foul temper. That fucking Skeeter woman thought she could break past his defences did she? Thought she could spy on their ball and splatter it over the front cover of her blasted newspaper. Well, he smirked; let's see how she likes her lengthy stay in St. Mungo's…

He growled the password to the disgusting gargoyles guarding Albus' office and made his way up the stairs, rubbing his injured thigh that was twinging again and only bothering to knock on the door as he was already walking in.

"Ah, Severus, just the person!" Albus beamed and waltzed over to place his blackened hand upon Severus' shoulder. Severus scowled at his cheerfulness. "Now, let me introduce you to our new professor."

Severus let his eyes drift over for the second time to the young witch he had assumed was simply helping in tonight's preparations.

"This charming young lady is Charity Burbage, our new Muggle Studies professor, Charity, meet Severus Snape."

The witch was young, very young, with long purple hair falling down her back, echoed in the deep purple robes she was wearing. Her skin was pale but her eyes were bright and she was smiling at him with very white teeth.

Severus gave a shallow bow in her direction.

"Professor Burbage is coming to the ball tonight at my request, and you must introduce her to the other Professors. I am sure she will get on very well with Serena."

Severus made a non committal noise and strode to let his fingers run across the book spines that lined Albus' old oak shelves.

"you are how old, Professor Burbage?" he said in a low gravelly voice whilst his back remained against her.

She cleared her throat and answered with a faint northern Irish accent. "twenty three- professor" she added quickly.

Severus closed his eyes and breathed a deep breath through his nose before responding. "and are there not more worthy subjects you would prefer to teach?" he tried to smirk disdainfully, finally turning around and setting his dark eyes upon her small frame.

"Severus!" Albus scolded, sitting behind his desk. "really that is not an appropriate question!"

"Talking about muggles and comparing us to them fulfils me Professor," Miss Burbage answered in a strong voice. "are you fulfilled by your subject- _sir_?"

Severus' eyes flashed and he swept across the office, looming over her. She took a small step back and he smirked.

"I see why Albus chose you," he noted, letting his eyes search hers deeply. "Albus I have some things to discuss with you." He turned away from the girl and sat down rigidly into his usual chair opposite Albus.

Albus sighed, "very well, Charity my dear, Argus our caretaker is waiting outside to escort you to your office."

Charity Burbage smiled, "thank you Albus, it was a pleasure to meet you Professor Snape."

Severus made a sweeping gesture with his hand as though to hurry her out of the room. When he heard the door shut he stood up and paced the floor where he had paced so often before.

"twenty three, Albus, a young girl, practically a child teaching that subject- are you out of your mind?!"

Albus sighed and rubbed his face. "what would you have me do Severus? She was one of three candidates and the other two were- well- bambling idiots."

"I'd rather an idiot died than a girl of her youth and spirit."

"she is very passionate about her subject, and perhaps that is what we need this year. You know how many potential death eaters there are in this school. If she can make just one of them think about the treatment of muggles and Lord Voldemort's policies then it will be worth the risk."

Severus rubbed his left arm uncomfortably. "And it is those students that will report her words to the Dark Lord immediately," Severus snapped. "look, I haven't got time for this. That skeeter woman has been taken to St. Mungo's along with her hairy sidekick and they will probably be there for a week or two. I have reset the boundaries, added a few more precautionary spells and we are once again secure. May I borrow some books from your library?"

"I-well- yes of course!" Albus stuttered, taken aback by Severus' sudden change of tact. "I suppose I'll have the hospital on my back tomorrow asking what curses she was hit with, and I don't suppose you won't to tell me?"

"no."

"very well. Now this evening Severus, everyone will be arriving at around eight but I would be very grateful if yourself and Serena would come about seven just to ensure everything is in place. And please remember what I said- let her spend time away from you, the other order members are really quite aggravated. It would be good for them to see a happy and healthy Serena again."

Severus snorted. "Indeed." He moved towards the other end of the office and selected three book from the top shelf. Albus frowned.

"who are you planning on poisoning now boy?"

"no one, Albus, I assure you."

"ah then three books on spell damage and potion antidotes is a bit of bedtime reading is it?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Go back to your party old man, I shall return this evening."

He strolled to the door, pausing to stroke Fawkes's head and slammed it behind him.

He scowled at the sound of music coming from the entrance hall and took a secret passage down to the dungeons, listening to the echoing of his footsteps as he stumbled along. Damn his leg was hurting today! He had trained himself to walk the limp out after he had suffered that terrible wound, but there were occasional days where the pain would be too much and he would have to grit his teeth to hide it until he could brew himself a pain potion.

He entered his classroom, dropped the books on a desk, grabbed a simple pewter cauldron and began to brew. One potion for him and one for Serena.

**A/N: thank you all so much for all the support, it means so much. i have been inspired to love this story and to love writing all over again! woop! What on earth will happen at the ball? and what does everyone thing of the young Miss Burbage? Next chapter coming up soon... **


	159. Chapter 158

**A/N: here, take another chapter, im in a realllly good mood. prepare yourselves... ... **

Serena had been immersed in her books for most of the morning, trying to cram as much knowledge about Animagi into her brain as possible. She was spread out her stomach on the sofa, her nose shoved between some pages when Severus returned. He stepped out of the fireplace and returned her smile with a small one, his eyes tracing the curve of her bum in the small red shorts she had donned.

"Don't move," he said in a quiet voice. He turned and went through the secret door down into his lab, placing six books and one full bottle of sleeping draught onto his spotless work surface. He shrugged off his outer robe and hung it on a hook at the back of the door. He untucked his white shirt and unbuttoned his waistcoat. The pain in his leg had gone, at least for now. He strode over to his sparkling shelves and selected seven potions and several raw ingredients. He packed them, along with the six books and sleeping draught he had just brewed into the bag where he kept his emergency potion making kit which he had used on the night Albus had been cursed.

He left it on the work top and went back upstairs, his head swimming with thoughts of how beautiful his young wife looked, stretched out, her bare skin sticking against the leather and her curious face buried in a book.

"you look stunning," he murmured, shutting the lab door quietly behind him. She turned and smiled at him again, her short hair swinging in front of her face. She ran a hand through it, pushing it back behind her ear and started to get up.

"no," Severus muttered quickly, starting to reach out a hand. "don't move Serena."

He kicked off his heavy boots and stepped silently towards her, running his long fingers through her silky hair, his knuckles grazing her cheeks and his eyes widening as her own fell shut at his touch.

"your feelings are so strong today," she murmured, and he felt her breath tickle the hairs on his arm.

Severus sat on the edge of the sofa and stroked a line from the tip of her head to the small of her back. He leant down and breathed in the smell of her hair deeply. "you used to tell me that… when we first… found each other…"

She sighed against his touch and dropped her head down on the sofa, tilting her head and closing her eyes again. "they were so strong and vibrant. They _are_ so strong and vibrant still: today especially."

Severus pulled the strap of her vest top away and kissed her shoulder with an open mouth.

"and what are _you_ feeling right now?" he asked in a deep voice, letting his teeth graze the back of her neck whilst his left hand slid down to caress the back of her thigh.

Serena swallowed and turned her head slightly.

"wet."

With one word Severus' self restraint snapped and he scooped her into his arms, smiling at her squeals as he carried her upstairs to their bed. He threw her into the centre and followed her, looming over her body and kissing her passionately, revelling in the way her eyes fluttered with pleasure and she melted against him. Her hands grabbed at his shirt but Severus captured her fingers and held them above his head, pausing for a moment to look down on her blushing and smouldering face.

"good god you are beautiful."

Serena's lips moved into a small sexy smile. "where has this come from?" she whispered, gazing into his face with wonder and searching for an answer. She pressed gently against the outer barriers of his mind, a silent ask for permission.

He looked stared down into her big brown eyes for what seemed like an age. Without breaking her gaze he slowly lowered himself onto his elbows, one either side of her head, his nose mere millimetres from hers.

Slowly and tenderly he welcomed her into his mind. Serena's presence was warm and inquisitive. The touch of her mind was as soft as her skin and she waited patiently for him to show her what he wanted.

Severus' mind embraced her tenderly. She felt his love and how strong and unbreakable it was, she felt how much he respected her, how much he admired her and how he marvelled at how strong she was inside.

He gently pushed an image towards her, encouraging her to look inside it. She watched as a younger version of herself sat in Severus' office perched on a desk. One of her hands was touching Severus' forearm, caressing the dark lines of his mark and Severus' other hand was placed against her face. Her eyes were closed and her lips were slightly apart as Severus leant in and brushed her bottom lip with his own. She felt the wonder, the amazement, the passion, the confusion, and then the panic worry and anger that enveloped him, only to be immediately vanquished as she kissed him back.

It was their first kiss. Severus had shown her their first kiss.

She sent out a gentle question and her voice echoed around his head in a whisper. "why?"

She felt sadness surround her: a deep unhappiness that searched desperately for something to cling to. She pulled back, she pulled out of his mind and he let her. She stared up at him with a worried expression on her face, pulling one arm out of his grasp and placing her palm flat against his face. She felt that sadness again.

"what's going on? Why did you show me that? Why our first kiss? What are you sad about? I don't understand? Are we okay?"

Severus kissed her forehead lovingly. "please, love, let me carry on." The strings of his mind reached out and gently coaxed her inside again. He saw the worry that had surrounded her and he tried to soothe it with calm thoughts before he sent more images towards her. She saw Severus, carrying her limp body through corridors, rescuing her from the grief of Kingsley's death, realising that he loved this slip of a girl in his arms, realising that he would do anything for her. Images flashed through her mind, images of everything they had been through together; her attack by Moody, how scared he had been and how relieved at her recovery; she saw herself walking down an aisle towards him wearing a white dress; she felt his completion as they bound themselves to each other forever; she saw the times she had healed him from his visits to the Dark Lord, she saw how it pained him every time she had to see him like that, how he hated himself for being weak, how he hated himself for tormenting her in that way. She saw herself, holding him against her as he sobbed, unable to take his eyes away from the mangled mess that had become his leg. She saw herself healing him, physically, mentally and renewing him emotionally. He threw this flurry and mix of emotions at her and then mentally stepped back, the silence inside her head stunned her for a moment and she felt dizzy.

"why?" she asked again in the presence of his mind, she felt stunned by the intensity of his emotions. "why are you showing me our life together?"

She felt Severus shift physically closer to her, and in her mind he seemed to beckon her further forward.

"one more," came the soft sounds of his mind.

And then he showed her something she had never seen before.

He pushed the scene into her mind with a taste of bitter sorrow and Serena tried frantically to think what he was showing her. He had felt so sad…

She was standing in a bedroom that she quickly recognised to be the spare bedroom in their house. The bed was the same, but pushed against the opposite wall, and there were black clothes thrown carelessly on the floor. On the bedside table there was an old clock, an open packet of tissues, a wand, an empty glass, a large bottle of brandy and a torn photo which lay face down on the wooden surface.

As the big hand struck eight o clock in the morning, a figure hobbled inside, shut the door behind him and collapsed on the squeaky bed heavily. It was a much younger Severus; she wouldn't have put him much older than twenty. He was wearing a white vest and black shorts and he was so thin his bones protruded. His face was gaunt, his skin was yellow and his hair was lank and unwashed. He put his head in his hands, pulling at his hair and rubbing his eyes furiously. He reached out trembling fingers to the alcohol bottle and poured himself a small measure of the golden liquid, knocking it back in one. He shakily poured himself another and clutched it with one hand as the other rubbed his stomach as though he was in pain. He seemed to stare at her, although she knew he couldn't see her, but his eyes were so haunted and dark, dread ran through Serena's bones and turned her blood cold. What was he showing her?

She jumped as the young Severus' glass smashed on the floor and the young man slipped down to wrench open his cabinet drawer, not even noticing that the glass was slicing his legs open as he pulled out a bottle of potion and tipped it back into his dry mouth.

Serena froze. The bottle was dark green. She knew what it was. She knew why he was showing her this.

She watched as Severus pressed his forehead to the floor and gasped in deep breaths of air as though he had been suffocated and starved of oxygen. The scene grew darker and the real Severus, very slowly, pulled her out of his mind.

When they returned to reality his forehead was resting against hers and his body was enveloping her, his elbows either side of her face.

He could not see her properly, but he knew she would feel his emotions, and he wanted to give her time to gather her own feelings.

"What I just showed you…" he murmured softly, "happened to me just after Lily died… I… I didn't know what to do with my life, I didn't know how to carry on living with her death on my shoulders… I tried everything, _everything_ to make it okay again… but after a while the alcohol stopped taking the pain away and the pain stopped taking the pain away and I turned my attempts to a potion I had discovered. It was relatively new at that time, and was- and still is- incredibly difficult to get hold of. Anyway, I knew many potion masters and managed to acquire some, despite the illegalities. I was desperate. I knew it was wrong, I knew how dangerous it was, but I thought maybe I could use it just _once._ Maybe I could have just one day where I felt good.

"_Harmony_ it was called back then. I believe nowadays it is known under _Liquid Happiness_, not that it brings happiness…" he muttered bitterly. "It brought me harmony though, it made me calm, I was able to clear my head again, able to think without the weight of my emotions destroying every thought. I didn't have to face my feelings; I didn't have to deal with them mentally or emotionally as anyone else would, I could just drink them away…

"It started once a day… then twice… and suddenly barely a week had passed and I had finished the whole bottle and I was begging my contact for more, _begging_. He wouldn't give me anymore… I killed him."

Severus pressed his forehead against hers harder, squeezing his eyes shut and forcing himself to continue. "It was the first time I had killed outside of the Dark Lord's orders. I was… I was in so much shock that I made Albus lock me in my room for a week with no wand. I 'checked myself into rehab' if you like. I sweat it out… it took seven days, seven _horrific_ days… and when I came out the other side I felt as though I knew myself better than I ever had. And I have never touched that vile potion ever again."

Severus slowly inched his face back and looked down on her.

Her eyes were scrunched tight and tears were just escaping them and her fists were clenched above her head so fiercely that her knuckles were white. He wasn't sure how she felt, so he very slowly placed a soft kiss on her forehead. Her hands came up and shoved him off her immediately. He let her push him away and she rolled over the bed in a flash to stand up and move to the window, her back to him and her fists still clenched by her side.

When she spoke her voice echoed around the room, sounding cold and distant and not like his Serena at all. "How did you know?"

Severus sighed and shifted on the bed until he was sitting comfortably in the middle of it. "I am a spy and you are my wife… I know every little thing about you, every smell, every habit, every lie you tell is obvious to me- not as an Occlumens, but as your husband… Your behaviour recently has been different, you have been acting strangely, unnaturally, I tuned into the house wards, it took me a while to find, I admit, but I knew it was in this room… I hoped that perhaps you hadn't taken it, that maybe it was just a coincidence, that it was just there and you had never used it, and then this morning when Fawkes arrived was complete confirmation… you weren't even fazed by it at all… It wasn't right…"

He sighed and lay back on the bed, rubbing his brow. "I'll admit, at first I was furious… but that passed quickly… I suppose I am disappointed in you… for taking it and not for telling me once it spiralled out of control, how bad is it?" he asked in a quiet voice, as though he didn't really want to know.

"bad," she admitted faintly. She sniffed. "It's like twice a day at the moment…"

Severus' heart dropped.

"And when were you going to do something about it? Or were you just going to let yourself die?" he asked bitterly.

"I had decided this morning… I was planning on telling you I was leaving for a few days to find my inner self so that I can become an Animagus quicker… I knew you'd let me go if I was passionate about it. I was going to leave tomorrow and force myself to detox…"

"alone?" Severus asked sadly, "you'd have never have done it…"

"Maisie could have helped me, she is sworn to secrecy after all…"

"you would have killed her had she stood in your way."

"I am not you Severus, you don't know what I'm capable of," Serena said sharply from across the room.

"do you know what you're capable of?"

She didn't answer.

"I can not judge you," he said quietly, staring up at the ceiling. "I have been standing where you are now and I understand I really do. Where did you get it from?"

"Somewhere in London, years ago when I was on the streets for a while, I can't remember where and I can't remember who from."

"How long have you- Have you used this before?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"When I left Kingsley after I set our house on fire I bought it. I tried it for two days and then left it because I didn't like not being able to feel what I knew I felt. I used it thrice more last year, once after Crouch, and another time after Greyback killed that girl you tried to save and fucked with your shoulder, and once more after you came back from a really bad revel… I don't think you remember, you had so many different potions that night, but you told me some horrific things…"

Severus sat up again and looked at her small frame, shivering by the window she was staring out of. Or perhaps she was staring at her own reflection.

"I know you would prefer me to tell you everything," he said.

"And you are right."

"I have asked the same of you many times."

She pressed her forehead against the glass. "And I have failed you, yet again."

"You have never failed me, never, not in anything you have done."

"How can you say that?" she said in a small broken voice. "Why did you show me those things?"

"I showed you the moment where you have helped heal me. First; my self belief and my mind; second my heart; and third my body… I'm going to help you get through this and on the other side you will be stronger for it."

Very slowly, Serena's shoulders dropped, her fists unclenched and she turned around to face him. She looked so much like that girl who had taken lessons in his office years ago.

She looked at the floor as she spoke and he had to strain to try and sense emotion in her eyes. "I feel so ashamed," she said faintly. "I feel as though I have let both you and myself down."

"Do not feel ashamed, my love," he rumbled. "Addiction can grasp hold of anyone, even you."

She bit her lip and tears glistened on her cheeks. "I never wanted you to find out. I never wanted you to know this about me."

"I never wanted you to know either."

She rubbed a hand across her face, smudging her makeup and mixing it with tears so that it looked like dark lines of watercolour running from her eyes. "I'm a mess… What am I going to do? I am such a mess. I am so sorry, Severus. I am so sorry I have done this to you." She hiccupped a breath and sank down to the floor, clutching the plush carpet with her trembling hands.

"I think if we look at this properly it was probably _because_ of me that you are in this mess…"

"I thought I was going to lose you… I thought you had stopped wanting me… And then I thought that you hated yourself and I would rather you hate me than yourself Severus." She looked at him with pained eyes. "And then I found out about Albus, and what was going to happen and what you had to do and… well it just tipped me over the edge… I didn't know what to do… my life was caving in from all sides and this was the only way out that I could see.

"I wanted to stop, I don't need it anymore, I don't want it, but my body- it hurts so much and my mind gives in to the pain and I have to drink more."

"Do you need it now?"

"No… not yet…"

"Okay. What would you like to do now?"

Serena snorted. "crawl into a hole?"

"I can offer you a bed?"

She snorted again and slowly stood up to finally look him in the eyes.

"I feel like the further we walk together the more I fall away from you."

"No more falling," he promised in a sad voice. "I'm not going to let you fall."

**A/N: I would love love love any feedback whatsoever! let me know what you think. poor serena... **


	160. Chapter 159

Serena and Severus walked proudly hand in hand up the long Hogwarts drive, bathed in the setting sun and the glorious descent of twilight. Severus looked handsome, his face strikingly outlined against the high collar of his black dress robes lined with dark blue, only just visible as he moved in the light. Serena walked beside him gracefully; her long black dress fell sensually off her shoulders and dropped down to touch the floor, complemented by a pair of black suede heels. With each confident pace the slit revealed a beautifully tanned leg, daringly reaching the top of her thigh as though teasing each pair of eyes that lingered upon her figure.

She turned her head as they reached the doors and her husband met her gaze with a look of pride and disbelief. She nodded her head and his mouth crooked into the smallest of smiles as Serena gave a soft laugh.

Albus watched in wonder at this silent conversation that no outsider could ever understand. If there was ever such a thing as soul mates, this was surely proof.

He opened his arms in a warm embrace and hugged Serena, before turning to Severus who had returned to his stiff and uncomfortable self.

"Albus you look magnificent," Serena commented, "purple is definitely your colour, and the way the gold embroidery is done is so delicate!"

"My dear you are much too kind, thank you. I… every year I believe it to be impossible for you to look any more beautiful, but I confess this year… my word… your dress…"

Serena smiled and stroked the inside of Severus' arm. "It was a complete surprise to me, but I agree, he has chosen a simply magnificent dress."

"Well please, the party has already begun; I won't keep you a moment longer." Albus gestured towards the doors to the great hall, through which the sound of the orchestra and buzzing chatter flowed.

Severus bowed his head and pulled Serena's arm gently, leading her at his side towards the doors. She felt his mood change through their connection. He was uncomfortable, suspicious and uneasy, and these feelings grew as they walked through the doors into the crowd of people drinking and socialising around the dance floor.

Every head in the room turned at the entrance of this infamous couple, and it was obvious that the majority of the conversation had turned to them too.

Serena spotted Samuel making his way across the floor towards them with Tonks on his arm, whose hair was bright pink to match the flowers on the collar of her dress. She smiled and greeted them both with a kiss on the cheek, entering into the usual conversation about outfits and the splendour of the hall, but it did not skip her notice that Samuel did not greet Severus at all, and Severus did not make any attempt to engage with either of them either. Instead he surveyed the hall with a scowl on his face, offending each person that looked at him whilst rubbing gentle circles on her wrist with the pad of his thumb. He really was extraordinary.

When he tensed it only took Serena a moment before she saw Remus crossing the hall towards them. He was glaring openly at Severus but Samuel must have given him a warning glance because when he finally met them he gave Serena a tight smile before hugging her.

"It's great to see you," he smiled, with feeling this time. "you look stunning."

"thank you," she smiled, "You guys look very handsome too. Who is looking after Max and little Vinnie tonight?"

"Ginny and Hermione, we've put them both to bed so they should have an easy job, and I'm not planning on staying too long…"

"Aw lovely," she smiled. "well it's so nice to see you out and dressed up and having a good time."

Samuel nodded and clapped him on the back of the shoulder. "come on mate, let's get a drink."

Remus looked at Serena and then back up at Severus. "are you coming with us, S'rena?"

Serena hesitated for a moment but Severus let go of her hand and nudged her lowed back gently.

"erm… yeah of course, why not." She gave Severus a small smile and disappeared into the crowd, following Tonks' bright pink hair for guidance. When they reached the drinks table, Remus scooped up a glass of punch and handed to Serena. He wrapped an arm around her waist and led her away from the others very slightly. "are you okay?" he asked when he was sure no one could overhear.

She smiled, "of course, why?"

"because you're wearing a concealing glamour on your eyes and I don't trust your husband."

Serena raised her eyebrows. "Forgive me if I want to hide my tired eyes and look my best in front of the hundreds of people here tonight. Are you telling me you're never tired, Remus? I have been doing a lot of studying and reading recently, that's all. I want to change the syllabus for my lessons this year…"

"and the husband?"

"My husband chose you for his best man at his wedding day and I believe there was a reason for his choice. He hasn't changed Remus, but fate has been harsh with him recently. I beg you to believe me when I tell you what a good husband he really is."

Remus sighed and scrubbed his face, glancing over to where Samuel was talking with Tonks.

"I know what you think," Serena said with a hint of sharpness in her voice, "And there is only going to be a few more times before I lose my patience. I love my husband, Remus, and he loves me. I would never hurt him and he would never hurt me. I agree that recently he appears less stable, more angry, more spontaneous and cold, but he treats me exactly as he treated me when we first married. We are both going away tomorrow, if you're so interested. A holiday, I suppose, for just over a week."

Remus poured himself a drink and took a long swig. "Where are you going?"

Serena smiled, "I haven't got a clue, it's a surprise, he organised it months ago apparently."

Remus took another silent drink and then stared for a long moment over her shoulder. "I just want you to be happy."

"When I am with him and you and Samuel and Max and Vinnie I _am_ happy," she said, smiling sadly.

"You guys are my family, and the one thing that hurts me most is when you fight or hate on each other and destroy this family! I _hate_ the things you say to me about him. And I _hate _the things he says to me sometimes. I need it to stop. You were never this judgemental when you and I first met."

Serena tipped her drink back in one and swept across the dance floor, pausing to say a quick hello to Molly and Arthur before slipping into one of the grand bathrooms. It was empty and she went into a stall, rummaging in her handbag for the green bottle Severus had suggested she take with her. She pulled the cork out angrily and took a small sip before shoving it back in again. She felt her mood calm; she felt the anger seep from her and a cool headedness take its place instead. She felt ashamed, yes, but as soon as this ball was over she would begin her detox. The thought of the week ahead made her queasy.

After freshening up, Serena took a deep breath and walked back out into the entrance hall. She caught Severus in a corner skulking with a goblet of red wine clasped between his fingers.

His head snapped towards her when she emerged, but his barriers were in place and she got no glimpse of emotion on his face. She grabbed a drink from a passing house elf as she made her way across the hall to take her place by his side.

"I thought you were with Lupin," he remarked sullenly.

"I was and then he blagged my head so much I had to escape."

Severus raised his eyebrows tilted his head ever slightly to one side.

Serena shook her head and sighed. "I'm just sick of these rows and accusations… you two used to get on so well and now…"

"that is not down to me," Severus replied curtly.

"In part it is, don't play the innocent party Severus, it takes two and all that… anyway, I don't want to discuss that now… Have you been lurking here the whole time?"

"no… I have been accosted by several women, all proposing love to me and professing their needs to discover just what I am hiding under these magnificent clothes." He scowled. "yes, I've been here."

Serena gave a small laugh and took his hand in hers. "would you like a walk in the garden?"

Severus nodded curtly, however a familiar voice stopped them. Albus glided towards them once again with a young girl upon his arm. Severus bowed curtly to her. "Miss Burbage."

"Ah yes, you two have already met, but I must present to you my dear Serena!" Albus exclaimed. "Charity, meet the wonderful Serena, she's like a daughter to me. And Serena, this is Charity Burbage, our new Muggle Studies professor."

Serena smiled and the two women shook hands politely. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you," Charity said with a shy smile. "Albus really doesn't stop talking about you. Well, about either of you really." She glanced up at Severus' dark face and smiled.

Serena wasn't sure what her feelings would be if she hadn't have just taken the potion, but her eyes narrowed slightly.

"So an interesting choice in subject, Miss Burbage…" she said, smiling very slightly. "Might I ask you reason to choosing such a topic at such a risky time?"

"Please, call me Charity."

"And myself Serena."

"As I explained to Professor Snape, the relationship between wizards and muggles simply fascinates me. Plus, if I can make the students think about each other as humans as opposed to being defined by our blood statuses then perhaps this war will pan out differently."

Serena gave a small nod of respect. "We shall definitely have to discuss this in more depth sometime," she countered. "So this is your first introduction to everyone I imagine?"

Charity nodded and looked a tad nervous.

"Don't worry," Serena winked, "everyone's pretty friendly, well apart from Severus, so you've met the worst. Well, except maybe for Filch?"

"Ah," Charity uttered, looking around her uncomfortably. "that wouldn't be the caretaker would it? With a cat? Because I think he showed me to my rooms and then his cat wouldn't leave and…"

Serena laughed. "Yes, sounds exactly like him."

"In that case I'd much prefer Professor Snape. I assume you have no cat, Professor?" she addressed her question directly to Severus and he looked at her with an expressionless face.

"Believe me, Miss Burbage, it is my goal in life to ensure the long and brutal death of Mrs. Norris, I will admit that so far she has only been petrified and has eluded my every attempt upon her wretched nine lives, so no, I definitely do not own a cat."

"Don't worry Charity dear," Albus chuckled, "Mrs. Norris is the name of the cat."

They all laughed and Albus eventually left them to greet some late arrivals. Severus did not play much part in the conversation; instead he watched how his wife seemed to flicker between enjoying herself and looking incredibly sad. He placed a hand on the small of her back and she seemed to relax into his touch, standing up tall again and smiling at what the other woman was saying.

They talked about teaching and shopping in Hogsmeade as opposed to Diagon Alley and commented on the outfits and shoes of every woman at the ball. Severus made his excuses after ten minutes when he saw Minerva and left them to it.

"You're looking very pensieve Severus," Minerva commented with twinkling eyes.

"You mistake my expression for that of extreme discomfort and annoyance Minnie."

"Ah, but I thought you only hated balls when you had no one to go with," she teased. "You look very handsome with a beautiful girl upon your arm."

Severus turned his body slightly so that he could gaze upon Serena, her face smiling animatedly at what Miss Burbage was saying. "She really is rather magnificent," he murmured deeply, his eyes lingering on her face and revelling in her relaxed smile. "Minerva, might I get you a drink, I'm afraid we have something to discuss…"

Minerva accepted his offer of an arm and let him guide her to the punch bowl inside the hall. She waited patiently for Severus to speak, knowing he would do so when he was sure no one would listen.

"Serena will be taking a break from her training with you for the next two weeks. We are going away tomorrow."

Minerva slowly poured herself a glass of bubbly golden liquid.

"Is this a holiday Severus or do I sense something more severe?"

"It is not a holiday, no," he admitted, looking out over the heads of dancing witches and wizards, and coincidentally catching Remus' eye. They stared at each other, unmoving and without an emotion on either face, until a bobbing head danced past and broke their eye contact. He cleared his throat and returned his attention to Minerva. "I cannot reveal to you our reasons Minnie, but I'm almost positive she will approach you before the night is over."

Minerva clasped her hand around his arm and gave it a squeeze. "I hope everything is okay dear, and you know where I am if there is anyway I can help…"

He bowed his head slightly and straightened up sharp as Albus danced his way across the room with Pomona Sprout on his arm looking like a bright red tomato with a blushing face and a round body squeezed into robes too small for her. Severus scowled and walked away before they could aggravate his eyes anymore.


	161. Chapter 160

**A/N: this chapter is for the new readers that have just joined the ride- hope you enjoy!**

"Might I have this dance?"

Serena turned away from Albus, Minerva and Charity and followed the deep voice into the dark eyes of Samuel Shacklebolt.

She hesitated for a split moment, and then nodded, letting him take her hand and sweep her away from the inquisitive eyes of their little group. Samuel led her onto the dance floor amidst other chatting couples, placed a gentle hand on the top of her waist and led her into the dance. At first they did not speak, instead they moved gracefully around the dance floor, watching other couples and occasionally meeting each other's gaze. Serena could feel Severus' eyes upon them from somewhere in the room, but she did not acknowledge his burning stare. Eventually Samuel broke the silence;

"The hall is dressed quite magnificently," he commented.

"it is," she replied simply. "every year Albus never fails to impress."

"so you're going away tomorrow," he said, looking into her eyes and searching for emotion within.

Serena smiled, "yepp, we are," she replied lightly, "a lovely surprise."

"You know I just want you to be happy, don't you?" he said suddenly, changing tact.

They danced in silence for a while and Serena gazed over his shoulder unseeingly. Eventually they moved to a stand still and she replied, one hand still clasped in his and the other resting upon his right upper arm;

"Samuel, I realise Kingsley asked you to look after me, and I understand that you feel as though you still have to, but frankly your brother died a long time ago. I am with another man now and I do not need someone else to make sure I am happy, Severus fulfils this duty effortlessly. When I was alone after Kingsley was gone I appreciated your presence more than anything and you helped me a lot. And now I appreciate your friendship very much. What I don't appreciate is your judgement."

Samuel opened his mouth to protest, but Serena tilted her head. "you forget I can feel what you feel, Samuel."

Samuel had the grace to look ashamed. Eventually he sighed. "I will speak to Remus."

"Please do," she said grimacing. "thank you." She gave a small bow and spun around, heading straight across the dance floor to where she sensed Severus. He was standing in the corner of the hall, hidden behind one or two couples, and she cut a path through them, sweeping her black dress along with her until she reached him, placing one hand on his cheek and softly kissing his lips.

Severus knew there were people watching them, but he did not move his eyes from Serena's gleaming ones as he mirrored her kiss and let his lips gently meet hers, softly coaxing them into a gentle celebration of their love.

_I love you_, the thought swam to the front of his mind and she blushed as she felt the intensity of emotions that he sent towards her.

"me too," she whispered aloud, before taking the hand that he surprisingly offered her and allowing him to lead her onto the dance floor. A few of the couples had dispersed as the orchestra started a newer Latin style tune. Severus was, however, in his element here. Their eyes never once parted as his right hand found her waist and their bodies became pressed intimately together. Her face tilted slightly up to his and his tilted downwards equally, as though they were frozen just before kissing. Her leg pressed between the two of his and his eyes softened slightly before they swirled into the beat.

As Albus watched them from the edge of the dance floor he had tears in his eyes. This was the first time they had ever displayed such intimacy so publically. Despite the face that they were simply dancing- as Serena had danced with many others already that night- there was something incredibly _special _about this moment. He didn't even know what dance they were doing; he saw some aspects here and there from a foxtrot but that was it. It was seemingly devised of their own making, looking almost impulsive and yet too perfect to be so. Severus was leading the dance, but it seemed Serena was matching him equally. It was as though she knew every movement of his body, every step he made was mirrored by her simultaneously. Every twist in their direction was equal; every turn in their bodies was matched spontaneously by the other. Their dance was so intimate it was almost sexual.

Serena's dress caressed Severus' black robes, complementing each other wonderfully. When her dainty high-heeled left foot stepped between his polished boots a flash of her thigh was revealed, grazing against his own. When he pulled her closer her breasts pressed against his chest, when the dance permitted her to step back his body angled automatically and his legs brought them close again. The dance depicted their battle of love, the need to be close and yet the rhythm pushing them apart again. It was wonderful.

Albus tore his gaze away from the couple to observe the rest of the room. There were only three other couples dancing at this point and one of those three composed of Hagrid and Madame Maxime, swaying in the corner. Almost everyone was watching Severus and Serena. They were trying not to make it obvious but everywhere Albus could see the corners of eyes turned and heads angled ever so slightly towards them. Conversation continued loudly, but everyone speaking knew that no one was listening, and half of them didn't even know what they were saying anymore. All attention had been stolen away by this magnificent pair.

The song slowed and their bodies slowed with it, their faces moved a fraction closer and Serena blushed. She gave a small laugh, although Albus had not seen Severus say anything. He watched them closely and Severus nodded to Serena very slightly. The flute played its last note very softly and Serena gave a small curtsy to Severus and he smirked, before taking her hand and leading her away. The band had already begun the next song but everyone was too busy watching the retreating couple to think about dancing themselves. Severus held Serena's hand in his own and marched a path through the gaping crowd until they reached the hall and he could lead her out into the grounds where there was no one. He lead her to a small nook in the stone at the side of the great doors and pulled her flush against his body again, this time kissing her soundly and passionately. Her hands knotted in his dress robes and the pleasure she felt from him matched her own a thousand times. Eventually she had to pull back, pressing her lips together and trying to suppress her grin.

"That showed them," she smirked, and she smiled even wider when Severus let a small bark of a laugh escape.

He had felt an impulsive urge to show those people in that cursed ballroom that he loved this girl, and so he had acted. If he was honest with himself he hadn't noticed the reaction they had caused until the music had stopped. Suddenly all his senses had alerted him to the eyes staring at them, but a small thought Serena sent him stopped him from tensing up. She had smirked in his mind and he supposed he had satisfactorily accomplished his mission. Of course he bloody loved her, would they believe him now?

He looked at her flushed face, only just illuminated in the castle lights and held out a hand towards her. She shook her head and smiled. "You'll have to wait a minute before I can get my emotions under control; combined with feeling yours and the adrenalin and exhilaration we're feeling it is too much. When you kissed me just then I thought I was going to have an orgasm."

Severus gave a low chuckle and pulled her flush into his arms again with a growl, trapping her between him and the wall and not giving her a chance to struggle before his lips crushed hers. She laughed into his mouth and tipped her head back, letting him place tiny nips and kisses along her jaw leading to that wonderfully sensitive spot underneath her ear. She let out a soft moan as he nibbled at it and pressed her bare leg between his, grounding against his erection.

Suddenly Severus went tense and stepped back from her body. She had the sense to smooth her dress down and try to calm herself as he stepped back from her and strode around the corner. She caught her breath, prepared herself mentally and followed him to where he stood on the Castle steps. His wand was out and he had it pressed towards Remus' face. Serena spotted Charity and Tonks approaching them with frowns on their faces and she hastily stepped between the two men, lowering Severus' wand with a soft hand, glad when he complied.

"Remus?" she said with a slight question in her voice.

"I just want to talk to you… alone…"

Serena searched his face and eyes for a clue to his train of thought and then nodded. She turned to Severus, "Why don't you get a drink with Charity?" she murmured, gently touching his arm. He paused for a long moment and then gave a jerky nod.

Serena smiled slightly at Remus, "how about a walk?"

He nodded and they stepped away from the group, just hearing Severus bark something that sounded like "Burbage, wine?" behind them. Serena suppressed a smile.

"Let us take the path," Remus suggested. "You do not want to ruin your shoes or your dress."

She nodded and set into pace at his side.

"You look truly beautiful," he finally said into the night. "I can't remember if I told you earlier…"

"thank you," she said simply.

They walked side by side for a while longer in silence until Remus finally stopped and turned to her. "I fucking hate this," he sighed in an exasperated voice, running a hand through his thinning hair. "I know his feelings towards you, I do, I can see it, I suppose I have always seen it, I just… does he respect you? Does he care for you? Does he trust you?"

"yes he respects me as his equal, yes he cares for me like I am the most precious thing in the world, and I don't know if he will ever one hundred percent trust anyone after what he has been through but I can tell you that he one hundred percent tries to and wants to. You don't need to ask me these questions, you know the answers or you would never have been present at our wedding and you would never have played such a huge part in our lives."

Serena folded her arms and shivered as a slight breeze blew through the trees. Remus cast a gentle warming charm over her and she thanked him with a small smile. They stood looking at each other for what seemed like an age, then, Remus opened his arms and slowly stepped forward, allowing her time to move away, but when she didn't he pulled her into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around her slim frame and sighing when she hugged him tightly back.

"I love you, you big gay," she sniffed in a muffled voice against his shoulder.

"I love you too, my sweet," he sighed, "and I'm sorry, if I have misjudged this situation I am truly sorry."

"Let's wipe the slate clean shall we?"

He nodded against her and gently untangled himself from their hug. "Let's get you back to the castle, it's getting chilly, and you don't want to catch a cold before your holiday."

Serena felt bad not telling him the truth but she smiled and nodded and took his arm as they walked the path back to the castle.

They found Severus leaning against a wall looking sulky surrounded by Tonks, Charity and Albus. Serena and Remus joined them.

"Ah my dear," Albus proclaimed, "you stunned my heart with that dance! You and Severus both, you were absolutely amazing, beautiful, magnificent!"

Serena blushed and said thank you, before letting her eyes meet Severus'. She saw he looked fed up and so she gave a jerk of her head, indicating that they could leave if he so wished. They broke away from the circle in the pretence of getting another drink.

"I need to speak with Minerva and then we can go if you want? It is getting quite late."

Severus inclined his head. "Good plan, I am quite satisfied we have managed to shake everyone up enough."

Serena chuckled, "you're awful… awfully fucking amazing though…"

He smirked, "there, I see Minerva, oh god- she's with Mad-Eye, let's rescue her."

Serena didn't know what had put Severus in such a good mood for this evening but she was incredibly grateful for whatever it was. She felt relaxed, happy and less apprehensive about what was to come in the next week or so.

After he had confronted her in their bedroom, he had told her very gently that he was going to sort this out, and that they would take joint responsibility for it. She refused, insisting it was her, _knowing_ it was all her, but he shrugged and told her to believe what she liked, but that she had to accept that she would not be alone through this. Then, he had kissed away her tears, run her a bath and disappeared until it was time to leave for the ball. He was amazing, really.

"Moody," Severus greeted in his usual stiff manner.

"Severus… Serena…" Moody was still slightly uncomfortable in her presence just because he knew she was uncomfortable in his too. No matter how hard she tried there would always be a flash of what happened to her in her mind when she looked at him, even though she knew it wasn't the same man. She wasn't sure the connection would ever go away. Mad-Eye made an excuse, said goodbye and went to sit down. Serena turned to Minerva. "Minerva, I'm afraid I won't be able to continue with our studies this coming week, Severus and I have to unfortunately go away for a bit…"

Minerva nodded her head and then smiled. "I heard it was a holiday?"

"Yes," Serena smiled, sounding relieved... "It's- well- no, okay no…" she sighed and took a sip of wine. "I'm afraid problems with my health mean that I have to take a break for a bit from, well, from life and so Severus is taking me away…"

Minerva placed a comforting hand on her arm. "my dear, I do not wish to pry, but are you quite alright? Is this serious?"

"I'll be fine," Serena said confidently. "Severus will be looking after me, so I'm sure I'll be fine, I just… I can't say more right now, I'm sorry Minerva, and I'm so sorry to ask you to teach me and then demand a break, I did not perceive this… I hope that when I return we could pick up where we left off?"

Minerva surprisingly pulled her into a very brief but meaningful hug. "of course," she said, stepping back professionally. She smiled warmly, "I will look forward to having you back then."

"Thank you…"

"Minerva," Severus said, bowing a goodbye to her before Serena lead him to say goodbye to the others.

It was when Serena was thanking Albus that she realised this would be the last ever Hogwarts Summer Ball he would hold. The thought made her throat hurt and her eyes sting and Albus' face acknowledged her thoughts. "It may be the last, dear, but it has been the best."

"But- Albus-"

"And a great excuse to hold a Christmas Ball I think," he smiled, his eyes twinkling.

Serena nodded and swallowed, giving him a long hug. "Enjoy the rest of your evening you wonderful man."

Albus smiled widely and surveyed her over the top of his glasses. "I shall no doubt see you soon child, and… good luck."


End file.
